The Sopranos 2x6

1. Our undergrad student body at brown

2. only numbers about 6, 000 people.

3. That's from every state in this country

4. and from over 60 countries in the world.

5. Admission is extremely selective.

6. So, again, get all of your academic

7. and extracurricular ducks in a row.

8. Leave nothing to chance.

9. Hey, buddy.

10. Davie.

11. Saw your wife out there alone.

12. I figured you for the trotters.

13. Not tonight.

14. Had a customer I couldn't shake.

15. Guy spends a half hour deciding between

16. a $20 soccer ball and a $22 soccer ball.

17. So, who do you like?

18. I don't know.

19. That guy from bowdoin seems to be making some sense, I guess.

20. No, I mean the game tonight.

21. Whoa!

22. You guys want to be alone?

23. I saw that refreshment table out there.

24. I knew you'd be lurking around here somewhere.

25. I don't know how I always get roped into this shit.

26. Charmaine's no fool.

27. She's knows one of your shfooyadell in the right mouth

28. and her daughter can go anywhere she wants to go.

29. So far, the janitor's the only one going near them.

30. Well, that's a nice career path for a young lady.

31. Fuck you.

32. I want to go get one of them belly bombs.

33. Have I said "fuck you" yet?

34. Freakin' delicious, Artie.

35. Glad I didn't eat tonight.

36. Thanks, davie.

37. It's nice to be appreciated by your friends.

38. Oh, the sensitive chef.

39. Hey, Eric, they all done?

40. Yeah, I guess.

41. What, did you think he was coming over to say,

42. "gee, dad, thanks for taking the time

43. to come to this important event."

44. Ha, ha.

45. How you doing, Eric?

46. Pretty good, Mr. soprano.

47. You guys want something to eat?

48. Ah, no, we're going to Starbucks.

49. I hear you're thinking of going to brown, right?

50. Yeah, it's a good school.

51. Lot of star fucking, though.

52. Hey, latrine lip...

53. He's right.

54. This jamoke'll go wherever his mother tells him.

55. No different than his old man.

56. You, too?

57. You know, in high school,

58. these guys were like Joe Namath and Y A. Tittle.

59. Yeah, I've heard.

60. And now, they're like Phil donahue and Alan alda.

61. Listen, uh...

62. I heard through the grapevine

63. that you're taking over your Uncle's game.

64. You know, the big one.

65. Grapevine.

66. Yeah.

67. You know, if you listen close to that song,

68. it says believe none of what you hear and a half of what you see.

69. No, it's just, you know me...

70. I like to play a little.

71. A little.

72. Forget it.

73. This game's not for you.

74. No, it's just, you know, I was thinking it would be a kick.

75. David.

76. You're a nice guy, I like you, okay.

77. But trust me, this game's not for you.

78. I don't want to see you get hurt.

79. These guys, they play deep.

80. You know how many jockstraps I sold last week.

81. Not enough for this game, okay.

82. Forget it.

83. C'mon.

84. Let's go see what the wayo from bucknell's got to say.

85. Do you want to tell me what you're thinking?

86. Believe me, you don't want to know.

87. You want to know what I'm thinking?

88. Seriously?

89. I'm thinking I'd like to take a brick

90. and smash your fucking face into fucking hamburger.

91. Okay.

92. I'm not...

93. don't worry.

94. I know I broke your coffee table and it's not gonna happen again.

95. You asked, I told.

96. But you'd like to smash my face.

97. Not really.

98. It's just the way of describing how I'm feeling.

99. Do you think making hamburger out of me

100. would make you feel better?

101. Mother of Christ, is this a woman thing?

102. You asked me how I'm feeling.

103. I tell you how I'm feeling.

104. And now, you're gonna torture me with it.

105. I don't know who the fuck I'm angry at.

106. I'm just angry, okay.

107. Why the fuck am I here?

108. I even asked to come back.

109. I got the world by the balls

110. and I can't stop feeling like I'm a fucking loser.

111. Who makes you feel like a loser, your mother?

112. Oh, please, we wasted enough oxygen on that one.

113. It's everything and everybody.

114. I see some guy walking down the street,

115. you know, with a clear head.

116. You know the type.

117. He's always fucking whistling like the happy fucking wanderer.

118. I just want to go up to him

119. and I just want to rip his throat open.

120. I want to fucking grab him and pummel him

121. right there for no reason.

122. Why should I give a shit if a guy's got a clear head?

123. I should say "a salut", good for you.

124. Let's get back to smashing my face.

125. Jesus Christ.

126. Oh!

127. No, I think it all ties in.

128. Alright.

129. Sometimes I resent you making me a victim,

130. that's all.

131. I make you feel like a victim.

132. Yeah.

133. Remember the first time I came here?

134. I said the kind of man I admire is Gary Cooper,

135. the strong, silent type.

136. And how all Americans,

137. all they're doing is crying and confessing and complaining.

138. A bunch of fucking pussies.

139. Fuck'em!

140. And now, I'm one of them, a patient.

141. Your parents made it impossible for you to experience joy.

142. Yeah, see, there you go again.

143. You said yourself you're not the happy wanderer.

144. Well, I'm more like one of those assholes

145. than I am the fucking jerkoffs and douchebags

146. I see leaving this office.

147. Stop with the faces already, what do you got?

148. Three eights full.

149. Santa Maria, yes!

150. Santa Maria.

151. More like fucking Santa claus.

152. Did you cut the pot?

153. Twice.

154. Here.

155. Make sure you spend it in my restaurant, you prick.

156. One chip.

157. Ah, va'napola.

158. He can't even buy McDonalds with that.

159. No, no, that's it, I got to go.

160. Oh, c'mon, Artie, another hour.

161. I can't.

162. Charmaine'll have my balls on the menu tomorrow.

163. Cash me out.

164. Look at all the money.

165. Hey, rich, can I get another dime?

166. We only got three players left.

167. So, what, Vito's up for it, right?

168. Where the fuck do I got to be?

169. Only...

170. Let's up the ante.

171. Are you sure?

172. You're into me for seven g's already.

173. Is that all?

174. I'll make that back from vito in an hour.

175. Count this chooch out another dime.

176. Well...

177. We have our work cut out for us.

178. Gudren?

179. Meadow.

180. I'd like to talk to you for a second.

181. It's really sounding pretty good.

182. I know you're disappointed, but...

183. It's just when you try out for cabaret night,

184. the form asked, what you want to do,

185. and I checked off solo.

186. You're seniors.

187. This is your last chance at cabaret.

188. Gudren hasn't had a solo in four years here.

189. I'd like to give everybody a shot.

190. Mrs. gaetano, I was a sophomore when I did "spider woman".

191. Now, it's important because of college and all.

192. You okay with this?

193. Do I have a choice?

194. Yeah, you got a choice.

195. You can continue to run the game.

196. You know I'm under fucking house arrest, you cute fuck.

197. Then take the bite I give you and be happy.

198. Either way, I'm having the executive game.

199. You know, your father and me started that game

200. over 30 years ago.

201. We were talking one day about how the credit card companies,

202. you know, they work their angle.

203. They didn't care what the fuck you bought

204. as long as you didn't pay all at once.

205. They juice you to death.

206. And you thank them for letting you have a card.

207. You'd rather be juiced then pay all at once.

208. That's a certain kind of player.

209. That's why we call it the executive game.

210. My brother, Johnny, was one keen motherfucker.

211. Oh, yeah, that's why he left us with chi- chi beans.

212. You don't know what you're talking about.

213. Your father left livia with a fuckin' package

214. that could choke a fucking elephant.

215. I got to tell you?

216. She's like a woman with a Virginia ham under her arm,

217. crying the blues 'cause she has no bread.

218. Please...

219. They don't make'em like Johnny.

220. And keep in mind that he paid the freight

221. for your Uncle Eckley.

222. That was a major fucking nut.

223. Who?

224. Who the fuck is Eckle?

225. Forget it.

226. Keep thinking you know everything.

227. Some people are so far behind in the race

228. that they actually believe they're leading.

229. Yeah, that's cute.

230. Who the fuck is Eckle?

231. Eckley, Eckley.

232. Let's talk about something else.

233. No, you opened this clam, my friend.

234. Who is he?

235. You don't know him.

236. It's water under the bridge.

237. Just know that me and your father looked out for him.

238. He wanted for nothing.

239. Fuck you, fuck Eckle.

240. I don't got time for this shit.

241. He was my younger brother.

242. He was between me and your father in age.

243. His name was Eckley.

244. Actually, Ercoli... Hercules.

245. Named after my grandfather.

246. What are you saying?

247. I got another Uncle?

248. Sharp as a fucking cue ball.

249. Yeah, I'm saying.

250. Your father and me had a brother you didn't know about.

251. 'Cause he was...

252. It was different in those days.

253. Mother and father didn't even speak the language.

254. They couldn't take care of a kid like that.

255. God bless your grandmother.

256. She went to every charity home in this fucking state

257. till she found one that she felt would take good care of him.

258. What are you saying, he was retarded?

259. Why don't you go fuck yourself.

260. He was slow.

261. He was strong as a fucking bull, handsome like George raft.

262. If it was today, they might have trained him to be a...

263. Whatever or something.

264. Get him a job.

265. They didn't understand these things back then.

266. Jesus.

267. What were we thinking?

268. Un- fucking- believable.

269. I remember my mother and my father arguing about...

270. something, I don't know.

271. And, uh...

272. She kept talking about my father's feeble- minded brother,

273. but I always thought she meant you.

274. What a kick in the balls.

275. When did he die?

276. Not long before your father.

277. Past is the past, this is the present.

278. Let's talk about this game.

279. What's my end?

280. I don't know.

281. Ten percent.

282. 20.

283. 15.

284. Call your friends.

285. Let them know the game's happening.

286. Can I help you with something, sir?

287. Yeah, I want to buy a boat with three propellers.

288. What?

289. Kid, you see me here every week.

290. When are you gonna stop asking?

291. Ho, rich.

292. There a problem?

293. No, I'm just breaking your kid's balls.

294. Like the pimp says to his'hos, "keep'em coming."

295. Hey, rich.

296. That envelope's two c shy.

297. I'll catch up on it next week.

298. It's no problem.

299. I just got caught a little off guard this month.

300. You know, I took a second on the house,

301. didn't calculate into my budget.

302. No biggie.

303. No good, davie.

304. It's just a stutter step.

305. Like I said, it's no biggie.

306. The difference gets tacked onto the principle.

307. And you know that.

308. Yeah, I understand.

309. Don't take this personally.

310. But I don't want to see your face at any of my games

311. until you're caught up.

312. C'mon, rich, that's not necessary.

313. Kid, you think I started this life ten minutes ago?

314. A guy hands you a light envelope,

315. it's just the beginning, nothing personal.

316. Yeah, I know, but it's just this week...

317. I know.

318. It's just a stutter step.

319. What kind is that?

320. Brazilian snapper.

321. Is it fishy?

322. It's fish.

323. You know what I mean.

324. It's for pizziola.

325. Let me smell it.

326. You want something or what?

327. Yeah, give me some of that, enough for 15 people,

328. 10 pounds of shrimp.

329. It's gonna be some serious money there.

330. This is no nickel- and- dime shit.

331. These motherfuckers can play for two days straight sometimes.

332. Now, once you start work,

333. you don't go till the game breaks up

334. and that fucking place looks like an operating room.

335. You mean, we're like cleaning guys.

336. Oh, what the fuck are you doing?

337. Something ain't right.

338. Fucking "a".

339. I just saw you put your finger on the scale.

340. No, I didn't.

341. You pull that shit with the old ladies, not with me,

342. you fucking hump.

343. I didn't put my finger on the scale.

344. I don't believe this shit.

345. Where are you going?

346. Wrap that up.

347. I got to weigh it.

348. You got to what?

349. You got to rob me.

350. Yeah, you serve some booze, empty the ashtrays.

351. Oh, oh, that reminds me.

352. Whatever you do, don't engage Silvio in conversation.

353. He can be a sick fuck when he's gambling.

354. One night, he was down like 50 large.

355. At some point he sneezes, fritzi says "salut".

356. Fritzi Neste from hoboken?

357. Yeah, you know him?

358. No...

359. then shut the fuck up and let me finish, alright.

360. Anyway, Fritzi says,"salut",

361. Silvio thinks he says something else,

362. forget it.

363. For the rest of the night,

364. Silvio's blaming Fritz I for his losing streak,

365. the fucking nut.

366. What do you think he said?

367. Are you listening to me or what?

368. He's a fucking nut, who knows?

369. Here.

370. But I didn't put my finger on no fucking scale.

371. Put that shit in the trunk so it don't stink up the car.

372. Pay for the fish.

373. This guy for real or what?

374. What, are we fucking piss boys?

375. C'mon, let's get the fuck out of here.

376. We want the room with the stove and the refrigerator.

377. The efficiencies have been booked to paying customers.

378. Muovono.

379. And the two rooms on the sides.

380. We may be here for some days.

381. You people are ruining this place.

382. That's your father fault.

383. He made it a business deal.

384. We want a lot of clean towels

385. and the bathroom's fresh- smelling.

386. I should work for nothing?

387. Guernica.

388. You ever suck his dick?

389. I make that beanie spin when I work his thing.

390. Am I right?

391. Don't bitch to me.

392. What do you hear? What do you say?

393. License and registration.

394. How about if I give you one of these instead.

395. I'm wearing a vest.

396. Oh, yeah?

397. If I shoot, it's going in your brajol.

398. You're a real sick fuck, you know that?

399. Danny boy.

400. How's your family?

401. Not bad, Paulie.

402. We had to move my father to another old folks' home...

403. hey, I got my own fucking problems.

404. You're a fucking hard- on, you know that?

405. How many times am I gonna fall for that?

406. Here.

407. Hey, listen, do me a favor, alright.

408. Your friends, players or no,

409. they don't fuck with the tourists

410. and the hotel guests,

411. keep the noise down and no gunshots

412. or we got to take the call.

413. Yeah, yeah.

414. Go play cops and robbers.

415. Make it four.

416. Change coming.

417. To you.

418. Mike.

419. Hey, Mike!

420. Matt.

421. Tony wants you.

422. Yeah, T.

423. Tony.

424. You got the macanudos?

425. Yeah, you want one?

426. Yeah, give one to me and one to Dr. fried.

427. Alright.

428. Alright, gentlemen, Frank.

429. Yeah, I'm in.

430. Me, too.

431. Thanks.

432. $400 to you, sil.

433. What's in the pot?

434. About $2400.

435. Too early to chase an inside straight.

436. Doc.

437. Call'em.

438. Macanudos, you want one?

439. Go ahead, take a walk.

440. Don't let him scare you.

441. He's not really a nasty fuck.

442. He's an incredibly nasty fuck.

443. Hey, chair boy of the board,

444. read your fucking cards.

445. $400 to you, John.

446. Shakespeare straightening out.

447. Paulie doesn't have shit as usual.

448. And the prick doctor may be flushing.

449. Put the TV trays out, one between two players.

450. And put some of this shit on them.

451. Don't give anybody booze unless they ask for it, alright?

452. Okay.

453. Yeah.

454. I heard Tony was here.

455. Soprano.

456. I'm a friend of his.

457. Do I know you?

458. Yeah, you know me.

459. I own "Ramsey's sports and outdoor".

460. Doc.

461. And you, sir.

462. Davie.

463. What the hell you doing here?

464. Hey, I was just driving by,

465. I thought I'd stop and say hello.

466. Some place you got here.

467. Yeah, regular Taj Mahal.

468. So, have you heard the kids, not bad?

469. Bad enough carmela dragged me to that play.

470. If I never hear that song again, it'll be too soon.

471. The only area Eric's light in is the arts.

472. This performance stuff's gonna put him over the goal line.

473. Most schools he's applying to.

474. So, what's the game?

475. 7 card.

476. Was that Frank Sinatra, Jr. in there?

477. Yeah.

478. He's a friend of my Uncle's.

479. He flies in.

480. Wow, this really Is an executive game.

481. So, what do you think?

482. There's a resemblance.

483. No, no, no, I mean the game.

484. You think I can take these guys or what?

485. Davie.

486. This isn't a game for you.

487. Oh, c'mon.

488. What are the chances of me getting close to a game

489. like this again?

490. C'mon, Anthony, let me sit in just once.

491. I don't do business with outside friends,

492. you understand.

493. Hey, do I have to show your high school prom picture

494. to these guys?

495. All kidding aside,

496. I appreciate your position, but c'mon, Tony, I'm a big boy.

497. What are you holding?

498. I didn't really expect to gamble tonight.

499. You need five g's just to sit in this game.

500. Oh, c'mon, can't you float me?

501. You know, short term.

502. Davie, don't say short if you don't mean short.

503. All kidding aside.

504. You understand what I'm sayin' to you?

505. Yeah, of course.

506. Hey, you don't have to explain business to me.

507. I got no business in this game.

508. $800.

509. Christopher.

510. Say hello to Davie Scatino.

511. How you doing?

512. Give him five boxes of Ziti.

513. Good luck.

514. Okay, fella's, make room.

515. New blood coming in.

516. So, there's a lot of money in sporting goods, huh.

517. Yeah, Frank, but I tell you, you know,

518. nike has its stores, the nba has its own stores.

519. It cuts in.

520. It's just temporary though.

521. I got some ideas for next year.

522. Hey, davie, ask the doc what his specialty is.

523. Hard- ons.

524. I wanted him to ask.

525. Really?

526. Penile implants.

527. Hey, doc.

528. Please, I've heard all the jokes.

529. Pot's right.

530. Sixth street, here we come.

531. No help.

532. Mysteries abound.

533. Shut the fuck up and deal, will you.

534. Nine of spades, thank you.

535. Six clubs.

536. Get a broom and sweep up some of that shit over there,

537. especially under Silvio, alright?

538. Pair of kings.

539. What's the bet?

540. $800.

541. What the fuck could you possibly have?

542. Incredible luck.

543. You're telling me, you miserable fuck.

544. Bet or check.

545. Don't rush me, sunshine.

546. You've been rushing me all fucking night!

547. He didn't study this hard in school.

548. John, please, the bet's not to you.

549. Good.

550. Dealer controls the game.

551. Thank you.

552. Do you fucking mind?

553. Jesus, do you ever shut the fuck up?

554. And blow that fucking smoke somewhere else!

555. What the fuck are you doing?

556. Sil, take it easy.

557. I'm losing my balls over here!

558. This fucking moron's playing hazel.

559. Get the fuck out of here!

560. I was just trying to sweep the cheese away...

561. why?

562. Why now?

563. Leave it there.

564. I don't know, I was just...

565. what?

566. Where do you get these fuckin' idiots, huh?

567. Where do you get them?

568. He's sweeping the cheese, I'm trying to get...

569. leave the fucking cheese there, alright!

570. I love fucking cheese at my feet!

571. I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night,

572. so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning.

573. Alright?

574. Leave the fucking cock- sucking cheese where it is!

575. Here, here, here.

576. Go ahead.

577. Have a good time.

578. $800.

579. Call.

580. Hey, why don't you go fix a fucking dick

581. or whatever the fuck it is you do.

582. Hey, Dr. fried, you know about that Viagra shit?

583. He won't quit, this fucking guy.

584. Go ahead.

585. I heard they were sinking a crate of it

586. down to the titanic to try and raise it.

587. Very good, very good.

588. Alright, down and dirty.

589. Last card, automatic $1200 bump.

590. Kings rule the realm.

591. Kings talk.

592. Check.

593. Door's wide open, Dr. fried.

594. Check.

595. David.

596. He checks.

597. Bet $1200.

598. I'm gonna call.

599. Because you ain't got dick.

600. Can I steal this fucking hand?

601. I think I can.

602. I'll raise 12.

603. See, you should have checked.

604. You got shit.

605. Now it's gonna cost you another bet.

606. Call'em.

607. Oh, fuck.

608. Let's see'em, boys.

609. Trips.

610. Three deuces.

611. Cry me a river.

612. Three beautiful kings.

613. Flush.

614. You motherfucker.

615. You slow rolled me.

616. What the fuck were you doing in that hand?

617. His money's good.

618. He wants to sail, it's his business.

619. Fuck you, too.

620. I should have stayed with my goomah tonight.

621. Hey, cheese fuck, get me some food.

622. I'm so pissed.

623. Good morning.

624. Hunter just called me

625. and told me Rachel weiss got an early acceptance to wesleyan.

626. And you didn't expect it?

627. No.

628. Think about it.

629. Did you ever see her mom?

630. Please, I'm blacker than her mother.

631. Well.

632. Should have mentioned that on your application.

633. What time is it?

634. It's almost nine.

635. How we doing?

636. Slowing down.

637. Alright, see if they want to close the lights.

638. Thanks.

639. Anybody want more coffee?

640. Yeah, please, Tony.

641. Put a little'buca in it for me, would you?

642. Anyone want to close the lights?

643. Is that a game?

644. He's a pisser, this kid, is it a game?

645. Closing the lights means...

646. it means, do you want to admit that you lost and pack it in.

647. Me?

648. No.

649. Alright, cut please.

650. Here you go.

651. Thank you, Francis.

652. Coming out.

653. To sil, to the doctor, how about a winner this time?

654. How much is he into us for?

655. About 45 boxes of Ziti.

656. What?

657. He grabbed another ten while you were asleep.

658. He said you okayed it.

659. Go get that.

660. Look at this fuckin' line up.

661. Ho, Johnny sack.

662. Must've had free tokens at the tunnel.

663. How'd you expect to make a dim with this fuckin' stonewaller.

664. How did you get in here?

665. Same as you.

666. Through the front door.

667. Hi, rich.

668. Hi, rich?

669. You want some lox.

670. I got some nice, fresh lox.

671. You got some fucking balls, you know that?

672. What'd I do?

673. I should stab you in the fucking eye.

674. Hey, c'mon, rich.

675. Get your hand off of me.

676. I'll put one in your head.

677. Hey, don't fucking threaten me, Richie.

678. Don't threaten you?

679. I got a hard- on for you already.

680. Give me a reason.

681. Don't let me fucking embarrass you.

682. Outside now, I want to talk!

683. Christopher, get everybody a drink,

684. I'll be right back.

685. That's it, cash me out.

686. No, c'mon, Frank, doc.

687. Sit down.

688. You know, it's a misunderstanding,

689. right, Richie?

690. No, no, Tony, I'm wiped.

691. I'll settle up with you next game.

692. Give my regards to your Uncle.

693. Let me get you a little breakfast, c'mon.

694. Nah, no really.

695. I got tickets for the rueles- Harris fight tonight.

696. Oh, yeah.

697. Matt, thanks a lot.

698. Here's one for your pal.

699. Cash me out, will ya, sunshine?

700. Thank you, Mr. Sinatra, Jr., sir.

701. I shut him the fuck down.

702. He comes here and he sticks it up my ass!

703. What's that got to do with you disrespecting my game?

704. Like you wouldn't do anything different?

705. You're fucking right.

706. You know, Tony, I'm getting sick of this "holier than thou" act.

707. And I'm not the only one.

708. Oh, really.

709. If anybody wants to make a move...

710. C'mon, Tony.

711. Don't get so fucking dramatic.

712. All I'm saying is sometimes you act

713. like you're in a different business.

714. Now, send that little prick out, so I can talk to him.

715. No.

716. Do you realize this motherless fuck

717. is into me for over eight large?

718. He's got money to play here?

719. Let him pay me my money.

720. Send him out.

721. You go home, Richie.

722. This ain't gonna happen to one of my players.

723. Everything alright?

724. He was pissed.

725. I'm gonna let you sleep one day.

726. Then you're gonna get the fuck up

727. and you're gonna go get my $45, 000.

728. Hey, no problem.

729. Jesus, how about the luck on that Silvio, huh?

730. Why don't you shut the fuck up?

731. I could use a schvitz.

732. You want to go for a schvitz?

733. If after one day, you don't give me every penny,

734. I'm gonna send somebody down to your joint

735. every Saturday for five percent interest.

736. If you don't have it,

737. it gets tacked onto the principle.

738. Do you understand?

739. Listen, Tony, I had a good run there for a while.

740. I should have quit then though, huh.

741. So, you never told me how your kid made out at bowdoin.

742. How my what?

743. How your daughter made out at bowdoin.

744. Would you like anything else?

745. No.

746. Tony, did I do something to insult you?

747. Two days.

748. How'd we do?

749. Not finished countin', but it's up there.

750. At least 80 boxes of Zitis after expenses.

751. Two boxes came out of my pocket.

752. Fellas.

753. Salut.

754. Salut.

755. Salut.

756. You fucking believe it?

757. We now run the executive game.

758. Oh, yeah.

759. Sil, you remember when me and you

760. used to look through that crack in that painted door

761. while my old man and Uncle junior had it?

762. Yeah, I remember.

763. Junior was a fucking prick even then.

764. He'd come out and he'd chase us down the street.

765. Executive game.

766. Do you mind?

767. God.

768. Trying to get some sleep, I've been working all night.

769. How you doing, Eric?

770. Pretty good.

771. Sounds good.

772. Thanks.

773. Are you awake now?

774. Yeah.

775. Good.

776. Close the door.

777. Hey.

778. Where's your mother?

779. The store.

780. Oh, aunt Barb called.

781. Uncle tom's father died.

782. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

783. Tom, sr.?

784. When?

785. I don't know.

786. What the hell happened?

787. I don't know.

788. The guy's here almost every Christmas Eve, you don't ask?

789. Somebody says, "Joe blow died," normal people ask,

790. "how? What happened?"

791. Jesus.

792. This gust of wind comes, knocks him off the roof.

793. All for a satellite dish.

794. That's very sad.

795. Yeah.

796. How old?

797. 65.

798. Guy works his whole life, takes care of his family,

799. does the right thing.

800. One day after he retires.

801. One day.

802. It's freaky.

803. Carlos Casteneda said,

804. "live every moment as if it were your last dance on earth."

805. Who the fuck listens to prize fighters?

806. Ali, maybe.

807. He had a little wisdom.

808. Well, at least tom, sr. Isn't the happy wanderer any more.

809. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

810. He got his.

811. You don't have to pummel his ass.

812. He's joined the ranks of the unlucky.

813. Maybe you know what you're talking about, but I don't.

814. Found out I had another Uncle.

815. A retarded Uncle.

816. My father's brother, that nobody told me about.

817. You believe this shit.

818. Was he seriously developmentally disabled?

819. Serious, no, he had everybody in stitches back then.

820. Now that you found out that you have a retarded family member,

821. do you feel better about coming here?

822. What?

823. Is it permissible now?

824. Is it enough of a sad tragedy

825. that you can join the rest of the douchebags?

826. I was just talking to him a couple days ago.

827. Yes, he was a wonderful man.

828. We're here for you, Barbara.

829. Va f'ancula tu.

830. You knew we were bound to see them at some function.

831. Just relax.

832. Oh.

833. Fuckin' Betty Davis back there.

834. No scenes.

835. Oh.

836. C'mon, get up, we're leaving.

837. Thank you, God.

838. I will fucking kill you!

839. We paid our respects, now, we're leaving.

840. This may come as a surprise to you,

841. but these people are not here

842. to see the sopranos kill each other.

843. Now, show respect for tom's father, will you, please?

844. Hi, Carm.

845. Hi, Richie.

846. Do I give the boost to your sister?

847. C'mon, I gotta give mine too.

848. How you doing?

849. I'm sorry.

850. Appreciate it.

851. How many rooms this place got?

852. It's a big joint.

853. Pretty good racket.

854. I don't think you can smoke in here.

855. Who's gonna complain, huh?

856. Him?

857. Hey.

858. You mind?

859. He don't mind.

860. Listen, Anthony, I'm sorry about blowing up in your game.

861. You were out of line.

862. What am I supposed to do with you?

863. What?

864. Back off and respect the title, you fucking jerkoff.

865. It's your ball.

866. You make the rules.

867. No, no.

868. I don't make'em, they've always been there.

869. Now, you get this.

870. David Scatino doesn't pay you a fuckin' penny

871. until I get mine first.

872. That's the tax you get for raising your hands in my game.

873. I get mine first, then you get yours.

874. That's the way it's gonna be.

875. I don't do something, how's it gonna look?

876. If everyone could please take their seats,

877. we are about to begin.

878. In the name of the father and of the son

879. and of the holy ghost, amen.

880. Since it has pleased all mighty God to call back our brother

881. from this life to himself,

882. we commit his body to the earth,

883. that it may return to that from which it was made.

884. Christ was the first to rise from the dead...

885. I'm just saying,

886. I don't think you should take any shit from him.

887. I heard you the first time.

888. Let's drop the subject.

889. Alright.

890. Tony put me back in action.

891. He gave me 50 g's to put out on the street.

892. What is that, nothing?

893. Please, I know how things work.

894. Don't forget, I was daddy's little girl.

895. What the fuck are you talking about?

896. You're his responsibility.

897. He didn't do you any favor.

898. When my father was in Tony's position,

899. he gave Romeo Martin $50, 000 when he got out of jail.

900. I'm talking about 30 years ago.

901. 30 years ago.

902. Today, that's half a million dollars.

903. $50, 000, hmm...

904. Mailmen make more than that.

905. So, what's this fucking doctor's appointment you had

906. all of a sudden when my friend comes to see you, huh.

907. What do you think?

908. I'm still the kid on the school bus.

909. Please, Tony, I'm doing my best here.

910. I fucked up, okay.

911. I'm gonna make it all work out somehow, I swear.

912. What do you got for me?

913. I'm tapped.

914. Stand up.

915. Why?

916. 'Cause I just said so.

917. Get up.

918. Get up or I'm gonna rip your fucking head off.

919. Get up.

920. C'mon.

921. I'm sorry, Tony, I wouldn't do anything to insult you.

922. Our kids go to the same school together.

923. Ah!

924. Tony, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just having some bad luck!

925. Yeah, it just got worse.

926. I'm gonna come back.

927. My luck's gonna change.

928. Tomorrow.

929. I want something tomorrow, you understand me?

930. Whoa, David.

931. Hey.

932. Where's the wife?

933. She's home.

934. Can I talk to you?

935. You alright?

936. Sit down.

937. Sit down.

938. Talk to me.

939. I got myself in a little bind.

940. Jesus, I feel ashamed.

941. What's going on?

942. What happened?

943. I'm in a jam, Artie, a bad one.

944. This could cost me big, my marriage, my business.

945. Alright, alright, relax.

946. I'm sure there's something we can do.

947. What kind of jam?

948. Oh, jeez, you didn't knock up that tae- Bo broad

949. you had working, did you?

950. God, no, Artie.

951. Talk to me, I'm your friend.

952. I need money.

953. Money, Artie.

954. Not much, just...

955. I swear on my kid,

956. I'll get it back to you before you even miss it.

957. How much money we talkin'?

958. Not much, just enough...

959. To give me some breathing room

960. till I can get the rest together.

961. It's $20, 000.

962. Davie.

963. Shit.

964. Bad timing.

965. Man.

966. You're not gonna believe this.

967. I got to put a new roof on this place.

968. God forgive me for sayin' this,

969. but did you consider chapter 11?

970. I don't think Tony soprano's gonna buy that.

971. Tony.

972. Oh, jeez, davie.

973. Jesus Christ.

974. Eric, give me your keys.

975. Why?

976. There's mud All over the tires.

977. Dave, what's wrong?

978. Say good- bye to your truck.

979. What?

980. Dave.

981. This is bullshit.

982. Eric, Eric, get back in the house.

983. I warned you.

984. No off- roading, I gave you enough chances.

985. Dave, this is not the place.

986. Dad, I didn't do anything.

987. Eric, accountability is everything.

988. Off- roading!

989. I drove it onto the field at school

990. to bring some girls to cheerleading practice.

991. There's mud All over the doors!

992. I warned you and warned you, Eric.

993. I didn't do anything!

994. I didn't do anything, mom.

995. Eric, get in the house!

996. I fucking hate all of you!

997. You apologize right now.

998. Jesus.

999. Open'em.

1000. I knew it was a car.

1001. It's a sports utility vehicle.

1002. You like it?

1003. This is Eric's jeep.

1004. Oh, my God.

1005. Is this Eric Scatino's jeep?

1006. Yeah, but it's yours now.

1007. His dad sold it to you?

1008. Yeah, you know.

1009. Something like that.

1010. What do you mean, something like that?

1011. You know.

1012. Jesus, Tony.

1013. She don't want it, fine!

1014. Don't take it!

1015. But I'll eat it before I give it back.

1016. What am I, a sucker?

1017. What does Eric have to do with his asshole father?

1018. He didn't do anything to you.

1019. The guy owed me money, and he did the right thing.

1020. He offered that car up as partial payment.

1021. Yeah, right.

1022. You see this?

1023. You see, this is you talking.

1024. I just hope you know

1025. his wife is very close to the brother- in- law

1026. of a provost at Georgetown.

1027. The who?

1028. Oh, great.

1029. Go ahead, you want to act "holier than thou"?

1030. You go right ahead, but I'm not giving it back.

1031. I'm gonna take that car and sell it to pussy

1032. and I'm gonna buy clothes and food and shoes

1033. and cd players and all the rest of the shit

1034. that I've been buying since the day you were born.

1035. Everything this family has comes from the work I do.

1036. Alright, Tony, that's enough.

1037. A grown man made a wager.

1038. He lost.

1039. He made another one.

1040. He lost again.

1041. End of story.

1042. So, take that high moral ground

1043. and go sleep in the fucking bus station if you want!

1044. Oh, Jesus.

1045. Where?

1046. A few rows back.

1047. Tony...

1048. Almost didn't make it.

1049. Where's Janice?

1050. Didn't I see those at the wake the other day?

1051. That's funny.

1052. They're behind.

1053. I'll see you after the show.

1054. Just keep thinking "meadow."

1055. Eric, c'mon, let's talk.

1056. You're gonna leave me here.

1057. I thought you were my friend.

1058. I am.

1059. I can't stop my dad from selling it.

1060. Yeah, well, your dad's a fucking asshole.

1061. You know that?

1062. He's a real low- life fucking asshole!

1063. And I suppose yours is innocent in all this.

1064. For your information,

1065. he gave it to my dad.

1066. It's not like my dad stole it!

1067. You know what, meadow?

1068. Fuck you, fuck your gangster father and fuck this!

1069. Welcome, everyone, to verbum dei high school's "cabaret night."

1070. As we are recording tonight's performance,

1071. we'd like to remind everyone,

1072. please, no talking, no pictures or videotaping.

1073. And please remember to turn off those pagers and cell phones.

1074. If you're worried about coughing

1075. and feel a nice lozenge might help,

1076. may we suggest that now would be the time to unwrap it

1077. as opposed to during the performance.

1078. A program note:

1079. In the second act, "sun and moon"

1080. to performed by Eric Scatino and meadow soprano

1081. has been canceled.

1082. Regretfully, Mr. Scatino will not be performing tonight.

1083. Instead miss soprano will perform a solo, singing,

1084. "my heart will go on",

1085. the theme song from "Titanic".

1086. Enjoy the show.

1087. Well, that's a lucky break.

1088. I wonder what happened.

1090. a division of time Warner entertainment company, I. P.