1. The SimpsonsCopy !req
2. D'oh!Copy !req
3. Come on, Simpson. Open up.
We know you're in there.Copy !req
4. Mmm. That one.Copy !req
5. Someone's in here.Copy !req
6. No.!Copy !req
7. No! No! Oh!Copy !req
8. - Oh, for the love of-
- Boy.Copy !req
9. I've never seen a man so desperate
to get out of five minutes of calisthenics.Copy !req
10. One, two, three, four.Copy !req
11. Up, down, three, four.Copy !req
12. This new exercise program is great.Copy !req
13. Yeah. Every muscle in my body's
gettin' a workout.Copy !req
14. Especially my big fat mouth.Copy !req
15. Yeah, especially your big fat-
Oh, wait.Copy !req
16. Raise your right hock. Aerate.Copy !req
17. Raise your left hock.
Aerate.Copy !req
18. I want to see more Teddy Roosevelts
and less Franklin Roosevelts.Copy !req
19. Two!Copy !req
20. Uh, actually, Homer,
that's just one.Copy !req
21. See, each pushup includes both
an up part and a down part.Copy !req
22. D'oh!Copy !req
23. Hey, where's Charlie?
How'd he get outta this?Copy !req
24. Aw, he's at home on disability.Copy !req
25. He got injured on the job,
and they sent him home with pay.Copy !req
26. It's like a lottery
that rewards stupidity.Copy !req
27. It's like a lottery
that rewards stupidity.Copy !req
28. Stupidity, eh?Copy !req
29. Must hurt self.Copy !req
30. Must hurt self.Copy !req
31. D'oh!Copy !req
32. Hmm. Probably better
that didn't hit me.Copy !req
33. - Yes?
- Hello.Copy !req
34. May I help you?Copy !req
35. Uh...Copy !req
36. could you give me a little push
in the opposite direction?Copy !req
37. Okay.Copy !req
38. Thank you.Copy !req
39. Carpal tunnel syndrome? No.Copy !req
40. Lumber lung? No.Copy !req
41. Juggler's despair? No.
Achy-breaky pelvis? No.Copy !req
42. Oh! I'm never gonna be disabled.Copy !req
43. I'm sick of being so healthy.Copy !req
44. Hey, wait.Copy !req
45. "Hyperobesity.Copy !req
46. "If you weigh more
than 300 pounds...Copy !req
47. you qualify as disabled. "Copy !req
48. - You can do it, old boy.
- Yes, I can!Copy !req
49. Yes, yes. That's the spirit.Copy !req
50. If you gain 61 pounds,
they'll let you work at home?Copy !req
51. Yuh-huh. That's the deal.
No more exercise program. No more traffic.Copy !req
52. No more blood drives
or charity walks.Copy !req
53. Dad, I know we don't
do a lot together...Copy !req
54. but helping you gain 61 pounds
is something I want to be a part of.Copy !req
55. Dad!Copy !req
56. I must protest.
You're abusing a program...Copy !req
57. intended to help the unfortunate.Copy !req
58. I'm not saying
it isn't sleazy, honey.Copy !req
59. But try to see it my way.Copy !req
60. All my life, I've been an obese man
trapped inside a fat man's body.Copy !req
61. - Have you told Mom about this?
- No. It would only worry her.Copy !req
62. If you want to add
to her worries, go ahead.Copy !req
63. I guess I'm just a little more grateful
for all she's done for us.Copy !req
64. - Dad!
- Yes, sweetheart?Copy !req
65. Obesity is really unhealthy.
Any doctor will tell you that.Copy !req
66. Oh, yeah? Well, we'll just see about that,
little Miss Smart Guy.Copy !req
67. My God! That's monstrous.Copy !req
68. I've never heard of anything
so negligen-Copy !req
69. I'll have no part of it.Copy !req
70. - Can you recommend a doctor who will?
- Yes.Copy !req
71. Hi, everybody!Copy !req
72. Hi, Dr. Nick!Copy !req
73. Now, there are many
options available...Copy !req
74. for dangerously underweight
individuals like yourself.Copy !req
75. I recommend a slow,
steady gorging process...Copy !req
76. combined with assal horizontology.Copy !req
77. Of course.Copy !req
78. You'll want to focus
on the neglected food groups...Copy !req
79. such as the whipped group,
the congealed group...Copy !req
80. and the chocotastic.Copy !req
81. What can I do to speed
the whole thing up, Doctor?Copy !req
82. Ah, be creative. Instead of making
sandwiches with bread, use Pop-Tarts.Copy !req
83. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.Copy !req
84. You could brush your teeth
with milk shakes.Copy !req
85. Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs
Medical College too?Copy !req
86. And remember, if you're
not sure about something...Copy !req
87. rub it against a piece of paper.Copy !req
88. If the paper turns clear,
it's your window to weight gain.Copy !req
89. Bye-bye, everybody!Copy !req
90. Oh, it's a dream come true, boy.Copy !req
91. I can- Nay, I must eat everything
I've always wanted.Copy !req
92. Now, come on.
Every second I'm out of bed...Copy !req
93. I'm burning precious calories.Copy !req
94. Now get grabbin'.Copy !req
95. Eat around the banana, Dad.
It's just empty vitamins.Copy !req
96. Lucky for you,
this stuff doesn't work.Copy !req
97. I don't know.
Fish sandwich.Copy !req
98. Are you sure?Copy !req
99. Oh! 225?
That means I lost weight!Copy !req
100. Homer. You're, uh, on the towel rack.Copy !req
101. Whoo-hoo! Four more pounds,
and my dream comes true.Copy !req
102. Working at home.Copy !req
103. Here's your lemonade,
and here's your beer.Copy !req
104. Oh! You're such a vigorous
young go-getter.Copy !req
105. When's your next coffee break?Copy !req
106. Anytime I want.Copy !req
107. - Oh.
- Hey, Flanders.Copy !req
108. - Bad day at the rat races?
- Yeah.Copy !req
109. A crazy guy shot a bunch of people,
and a subway ran over my hat.Copy !req
110. Hey, Lise.
Come look at this.Copy !req
111. Neat.Copy !req
112. Homer! Whoa!Copy !req
113. - Hello, honey.
- Hi.Copy !req
114. Um, there's something
I've been meaning to ask you.Copy !req
115. Did you put on
a little weight this week?Copy !req
116. I was going to surprise you,
but what the heck.Copy !req
117. Honey, I'm purposely gaining 61 pounds
to get on disability.Copy !req
118. Have you lost your mind?Copy !req
119. Have you thought about your health
or your appearance?Copy !req
120. Oh. So that's it, isn't it, Marge?Copy !req
121. Looks. I didn't know
you were so shallow.Copy !req
122. Oh, please! I would love you
if you weighed 1,000 pounds. But-Copy !req
123. Beautiful. Good night.Copy !req
124. Oh.! I got 15 minutes to gain a pound,
or I gotta face another day at work.Copy !req
125. Bad news, Dad.
We're out of food.Copy !req
126. We're even out of
the basic elements of food.Copy !req
127. You ate all the tarragon,
and you drank all the soy sauce.Copy !req
128. I need a miracle.Copy !req
129. Aw, honey.
It looks just like a real doughnut.Copy !req
130. Dad, it says "Non-Toxic. "Copy !req
131. Well, that's a plus.Copy !req
132. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
I did it!Copy !req
133. Uh, Dad. Towel rack.Copy !req
134. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Hee-hee! Ho-ho! Oh, my.Copy !req
135. I'm pleased to dedicate
this remote work terminal.Copy !req
136. It will allow our safety inspector here
to perform his duties from home.Copy !req
137. And so, excelsior to you, Mr. -Copy !req
138. What's the name
of this gastropod?Copy !req
139. Simpson, sir. One of
your chair-moisteners from Sector 7G.Copy !req
140. Yes! Simpson!Copy !req
141. Thank you for your pity.Copy !req
142. Mom, are you ever planning
to step in and put a stop to this?Copy !req
143. Normally, your father's
crackpot schemes fizzle out...Copy !req
144. as soon as he finds
something good on TV.Copy !req
145. But this season-Copy !req
146. I'm looking for something
loose and billowy...Copy !req
147. something comfortable
for my first day of work.Copy !req
148. Work, huh? Let me guess.
Computer programmer?Copy !req
149. - Computer magazine columnist. Something with computers.
- Well, I use a computer.Copy !req
150. What's the connection? Must be
the nonstop sitting and snacking.Copy !req
151. Well, sir. Many of our clients
find pants confining...Copy !req
152. so we offer a range of alternatives
for the ample gentleman.Copy !req
153. Ponchos, muumuus,
capes, jumpsuits...Copy !req
154. unisheets, muslin body rolls,
academic andjudicial robes.Copy !req
155. I don't wanna look like a weirdo.
I'll just go with a muumuu.Copy !req
156. Arnie Pie in the Sky with the morning commute.Copy !req
157. Traffic this morning
is as bad as it gets.Copy !req
158. Due to a fire
at the army testing lab...Copy !req
159. a bunch of escaped, infected monkeys
are roaming the expressway.Copy !req
160. Despite the sweltering heat,
don't unroll your windows...Copy !req
161. 'cause those monkeys
seem confused and irritable.Copy !req
162. Hee-hee-hee! I pity
those poor suckers on the freeway.Copy !req
163. Gas, brake, honk.
Gas, brake, honk.Copy !req
164. Honk, honk, punch.
Gas, gas, gas.Copy !req
165. 8:58.Copy !req
166. First time I've ever
been early for work-Copy !req
167. except for all those
daylight savings days.Copy !req
168. Lousy farmers.Copy !req
169. "To start, press any key. "
Where's the "Any" key?Copy !req
170. I see "Esk,"Catarol,"
and "Pig Up. "Copy !req
171. There doesn't seem to be
any "Any" key.Copy !req
172. Whew! All this computer hacking
is making me thirsty.Copy !req
173. I think I'll order a Tab.Copy !req
174. Oop. No time for that now.
The computer's starting.Copy !req
175. "Check core temperature?Copy !req
176. Yes/No. " Yes.Copy !req
177. "Core temperature normal. "
Hmm. Not too shabby.Copy !req
178. "Vent radioactive gas?"
N-O.Copy !req
179. "Venting prevents explo-si-on. "Copy !req
180. Ooh, this is hard. Where's my Tab?Copy !req
181. Okay, then. Yes.
Vent the stupid gas.Copy !req
182. Aw, no! The corn!Copy !req
183. Paul Newman's gonna have
my legs broke.Copy !req
184. Bart and Lisa have to go to school...Copy !req
185. while I get to stay home.Copy !req
186. Nyah-nyah-nyah,
nyah-nyah-nyah.Copy !req
187. - I like school.
- Why don't you live in it then?Copy !req
188. - I would if I could.
- Not me, sister.Copy !req
189. When I grow up, I wanna be a lardo
on workmen's comp...Copy !req
190. just like Dad.Copy !req
191. I wash myself with a rag on a stick.Copy !req
192. - Whoo-ooh-ooh.
- Euw!Copy !req
193. Mom! This whole thing
is really creepy.Copy !req
194. Are you sure
you won't talk to Dad?Copy !req
195. I'd like to, honey,
but I'm not sure how.Copy !req
196. Your father can be
surprisingly sensitive.Copy !req
197. Remember when I giggled
at his Sherlock Holmes hat?Copy !req
198. He sulked for a week
and then closed his detective agency.Copy !req
199. Maybe you'll have
to hurt his feelings.Copy !req
200. The longer he lives like this,
the harder it'll be to go back.Copy !req
201. You're right.Copy !req
202. Hmm. Maybe if I use
my least-nagging tone of voice-Copy !req
203. Homer. Mmm.Copy !req
204. Homer!Copy !req
205. Homer?Copy !req
206. That's it. That's the one.
All right. Send him on in.Copy !req
207. - Dad?
- Yes, honey?Copy !req
208. - Um, Mom just baked a cake.
- Ooh!Copy !req
209. Hmm?Copy !req
210. Homer, we need to have
a serious talk.Copy !req
211. You dragged me all the way
from work for that?Copy !req
212. Let's quietly and calmly
discuss the pros and cons...Copy !req
213. of your controversial plan,
shall we?Copy !req
214. - I-
- Con: You're endangering your health.Copy !req
215. I'm drought and famine resistant.Copy !req
216. You're setting a bad example
for the children.Copy !req
217. I, uh, don't have to go to work.Copy !req
218. You're running the air conditioner
nonstop. It's freezing in here.Copy !req
219. Uh- Uh, I love you.Copy !req
220. I'm finding myself
less attracted to you physically.Copy !req
221. - Marge, this is everything I've
ever dreamed of- right here.Copy !req
222. And nobody's gonna
take it away from me.Copy !req
223. You never had faith in me before,
but let me tell you-Copy !req
224. the slim, lazy Homer you knew is dead.Copy !req
225. Now I'm a big, fat dynamo!Copy !req
226. And where's that cake?Copy !req
227. - There's no cake.
- Oh.Copy !req
228. "Vent radioactive gas?"Copy !req
229. Y-E-S.Copy !req
230. "Sound alertness horn?"Copy !req
231. Y-E-S.Copy !req
232. "Decalcify calcium ducts?"Copy !req
233. Well, give me a "Y."Copy !req
234. Give me a- Hey.Copy !req
235. All I have to type is "Y."Copy !req
236. Hey, Miss Doesn't Find Me
Attractive Sexually Anymore.Copy !req
237. - I just tripled my productivity.
- Good. Good for you.Copy !req
238. "Y."Y."Copy !req
239. So many letters to choose from.Copy !req
240. I'll pick "Y."Y."Y."Copy !req
241. What the heck are you
doin' over there?Copy !req
242. There! You found the floor.Copy !req
243. "Y."Y."Y."Y."Copy !req
244. "Y."Y."Copy !req
245. I'm going out.
I run errands during the day.Copy !req
246. Could you pick me up
a lemonade and a beer?Copy !req
247. The mail! The mail is here!Copy !req
248. Ooh! "An urgent plea
from Edward James Olmos. "Copy !req
249. "Lisa Simpson, can you afford to miss
another issue of the Utne Reader?"Copy !req
250. Kids.Copy !req
251. Free sample of fabric softener?
Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
252. Mmm! I can feel
three kinds of softness.Copy !req
253. Dad, what are you doing down there?Copy !req
254. Washin' my "fat guy" hat, honey.Copy !req
255. - We now return
to Search for the Sun.Copy !req
256. Accordin' to Daddy's will...Copy !req
257. I inherit the entire plantation.Copy !req
258. I'll see to it
you don't get apricot one.Copy !req
259. Uh, what's your dad's job again?Copy !req
260. He's a nuclear-safety technician.Copy !req
261. What's he doin' with that broom?Copy !req
262. Uh, what isn't he doing?Copy !req
263. I heard that guy's ass
has its own congressman.Copy !req
264. Hey! Leave my dad alone.Copy !req
265. Just because he's overweight
doesn't mean he's bad.Copy !req
266. He's a sweet man,
and he has real feelings.Copy !req
267. What are you kids lookin' at?Copy !req
268. Hey, look. He's tryin' to get up to yell at us.Copy !req
269. Don't make me close that shade!Copy !req
270. Hey, Homer.Copy !req
271. You promised Mom
you wouldn't wear your dress outside.Copy !req
272. Nuts to that.
I'm goin' to the movies.Copy !req
273. - Shouldn't you be working?
- I got someone to cover for me.Copy !req
274. - One for Honk, please.
- Oh, gee. Uh, just a minute.Copy !req
275. I have to check with the manager.Copy !req
276. That overweight guy
wants to see the movie.Copy !req
277. I'm terribly sorry, sir. I'm afraid our facilities
are not equipped to meet your needs.Copy !req
278. - What are you talking about?
- What I'm saying, sir, is that a man of your carriage...Copy !req
279. couldn't possibly fit in our seats.Copy !req
280. - I could sit in the aisle.
- I'm afraid that would violate the fire code.Copy !req
281. Hey, fatty.! I got a movie for ya.Copy !req
282. A Fridge Too Far.Copy !req
283. Shame on all of you.
Give me my dignity.Copy !req
284. I just came here to see
Honk If You're Horny.! in peace.Copy !req
285. Sir, if you just quiet down...Copy !req
286. I'd be happy to treat you
to a garbage bag full of popcorn.Copy !req
287. Oh! This may surprise you,
but you can't buy me off with food.Copy !req
288. I'm sick of all your stereotypes
and cheap jokes.Copy !req
289. The overweight individuals
in this country...Copy !req
290. are just as smart and talented
and hardworking as everybody else.Copy !req
291. And they're gonna make
their voices heard.Copy !req
292. All they need is a leader!Copy !req
293. I'll work harder than ever before...Copy !req
294. and show the world overweight people
aren't undisciplined...Copy !req
295. lazy and irresponsible.Copy !req
296. What happened to my bird?Copy !req
297. Oh! Marge?Copy !req
298. Lisa? Flanders?Copy !req
299. "Explosion imminent. "Copy !req
300. Oh, my God.!
The plant's gonna explode.!Copy !req
301. - Hey, that thing's going caca-cuckoo.
- Who cares? It's Homer's problem.Copy !req
302. Wait. I know. Vent gas.Copy !req
303. "Pressure too high"?Copy !req
304. Oh! "Tank must be
shut down manually"?Copy !req
305. Aw! Stupid bird!Copy !req
306. I never should have
put you in charge!Copy !req
307. Why, you-Copy !req
308. Oh, who am I kidding?
It's all my fault.Copy !req
309. I gotta call the plant and warn 'em.Copy !req
310. - The fingers you
have used to dial are too fat.Copy !req
311. To obtain a special dialing wand...Copy !req
312. please mash the keypad with your palm now.Copy !req
313. I'm gonna have
to shut it down myself!Copy !req
314. Fat, don't fail me now.! D'oh.!Copy !req
315. You gotta slow your car down and let me in
because I'm a big fat guy and I can't go anywhere.Copy !req
316. Because there's gonna be some poison gas.
There's gonna be really poison gas.Copy !req
317. Everybody's gonna be dead,
especially me! D'oh!Copy !req
318. The ice-cream man.Copy !req
319. You gotta let me in your car
and drive me-Copy !req
320. Take anything you want, man!
Take it all!Copy !req
321. Push out the jive.Copy !req
322. Bring in the love.Copy !req
323. I heard your dad went into a restaurant
and ate everything in the restaurant...Copy !req
324. and they had to close
the restaurant.Copy !req
325. My dad may have
gained a little weight...Copy !req
326. but he's not some kind
of food-crazed maniac.Copy !req
327. Ah! Oh! That's raspberry.Copy !req
328. Oh.Copy !req
329. Ice cream! Ice cream!Copy !req
330. Workers, please. There'll be time
for the frozen-pudding wagon later.Copy !req
331. You still owe me
10 more Iroquois twists.Copy !req
332. - Ten, ha-ya-yah.
- Uh!Copy !req
333. - And nine, ha-ya-yah.
- Uh!Copy !req
334. Get away, damn it!
Run for your lives!Copy !req
335. - I'll take a rocket bomb!
- What can I get for 30 cents?Copy !req
336. Let go!
I gotta get to the tank!Copy !req
337. Heck, I can't decide
without the pictures.Copy !req
338. Six, ha-ya-yah.Copy !req
339. Oh!Copy !req
340. Four, ha-ya-yah.Copy !req
341. Three, ha-ya-yah.Copy !req
342. Two, ha-ya-yah.Copy !req
343. Stupid switch!
I wish I had my reaching broom.Copy !req
344. One, ha-ya-yah.Copy !req
345. Wait a minute.
There's probably a-Copy !req
346. Homer, your bravery
and quick thinking...Copy !req
347. have turned a potential Chernobyl...Copy !req
348. into a mere Three Mile Island.Copy !req
349. Bravo.Copy !req
350. I think it's ironic
that Dad saved the day...Copy !req
351. while a slimmer man
would have fallen to his death.Copy !req
352. And I think it's ironic that,
for once, Dad's butt...Copy !req
353. - prevented the release of toxic gas-
- Bart!Copy !req
354. We'll have you out of there as soon as
our tech boys get you decontaminated.Copy !req
355. Thank you, Mr. Burns.Copy !req
356. It was pretty scary up there, but-Copy !req
357. For a while, I feared for my life.Copy !req
358. Now, Homer, if there's anything else
I can do for you...Copy !req
359. please don't hesitate to ask.Copy !req
360. Mr. Burns,
can you make me thin again?Copy !req
361. I guarantee it.Copy !req
362. One.Copy !req
363. One. One!Copy !req
364. Bah! I'll just pay
for the blasted liposuction.Copy !req
365. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
366. Shh!Copy !req