1. The SimpsonsCopy !req
2. D'oh!Copy !req
3. Whoa.Copy !req
4. You know, most of my life I've-Copy !req
5. I've had to live with the shame
of being a screw-up.Copy !req
6. But now, as I stand here with
the award for the district's safest bus driver...Copy !req
7. well, I-it's like a dream come true.Copy !req
8. - Otto.! Wake up.!
- Huh?Copy !req
9. Aah!Copy !req
10. Aah!Copy !req
11. So, um, who's good
at keepin' secrets?Copy !req
12. "Dear parents, due to yesterday's unscheduled
field trip to the auto wrecking yard...Copy !req
13. "the school bus will be
out of commission for two weeks.Copy !req
14. "By reading this letter out loud...Copy !req
15. "you have waived any legal
responsibility on our part...Copy !req
16. in perpetuity, throughout the universe. "Copy !req
17. Well, we'll have to organize a carpool.Copy !req
18. Hey! Every day will be like a road trip!Copy !req
19. With your dad! To school!Copy !req
20. So...Copy !req
21. how about those
rainbow suspenders, huh?Copy !req
22. Dad-Copy !req
23. - Pretty cool way to keep your pants up, eh?
- Dad!Copy !req
24. I see these kids now with "jive"
printed on their shirts.Copy !req
25. Now, I can teach you
how you're supposed to say "jive. "Copy !req
26. Dad! Please just
drive the car, Dad.Copy !req
27. I'm watching the road, sweetie.Copy !req
28. "You jive turkey!"
See?Copy !req
29. You got to sass it.Copy !req
30. "Quit jivin' me, turkey!"Copy !req
31. You got to sass it.Copy !req
32. A turkey is a bad person.Copy !req
33. Fossil 103.Copy !req
34. Classic hits
from ABBA to Zeppelin, comma, Led.Copy !req
35. Tell him!Copy !req
36. Uh, Mr. Simpson, sir?Copy !req
37. Can you please
change the radio station?Copy !req
38. But this is Grand Funk Railroad.Copy !req
39. You guys back there
know Grand Funk, right?Copy !req
40. Nobody knows the band Grand Funk?Copy !req
41. The wild, shirtless lyrics
of Mark Farner?Copy !req
42. The bong-rattling bass
of Mel Schacher?Copy !req
43. The competent drum work
of Don Brewer?Copy !req
44. Oh, man!Copy !req
45. For more information on Grand Funk...Copy !req
46. consult your school library.Copy !req
47. When I listen to a really good song...Copy !req
48. I start nodding my head,
like I'm saying "Yes!" to every beat.Copy !req
49. "Yes! Yes! Yes! This rocks!"Copy !req
50. And then sometimes
I switch it up, like-Copy !req
51. "No! No! No! Don't stop a-rockin'!"Copy !req
52. Dad, please.
You're embarrassing us.Copy !req
53. No, I'm not.
I'm teaching you about rock music.Copy !req
54. Now, Grand Funk Railroad
paved the way forJefferson Airplane...Copy !req
55. which cleared the way
forJefferson Starship.Copy !req
56. The stage was now set for
The Alan Parsons Project...Copy !req
57. which I believe was
some sort of hovercraft.Copy !req
58. Dad, no one cares about any
of your stupid dinosaur bands!Copy !req
59. You have the worst,
lamest taste in music ever!Copy !req
60. I'm just trying to party with you guys.Copy !req
61. Homer, first of all, it's "par-tay"...Copy !req
62. and second, we wouldn't
"par-tay" with you...Copy !req
63. if you were the last dad on Earth.Copy !req
64. Hi there. It's been a while
since I set foot in Good Vibrations Music.Copy !req
65. Where can I find
the latest releases by Bread?Copy !req
66. - Oldies.
- Oldies?Copy !req
67. But you've got
all the top bands in here!Copy !req
68. Styx? I just heard them on
the King Biscuit Flower Hour.!Copy !req
69. Now, here are some of
your no-name bands.Copy !req
70. Sonic Youth? Nine-Inch Nails?
Hullabalooza?Copy !req
71. Hullabalooza is a music festival.Copy !req
72. The greatest music festival of all time?Copy !req
73. There can be only one truly great music festival
a lifetime, and it's the Us Festival.Copy !req
74. - The what festival?
- The Us Festival!Copy !req
75. Yeesh! It was sponsored by
that guy from Apple Computers.Copy !req
76. What computers?Copy !req
77. Why do you need new bands?Copy !req
78. Everyone knows rock
attained perfection in 1974.Copy !req
79. It's a scientific fact.Copy !req
80. Quadraphonic sound, a water bed,
and now a strobe light.Copy !req
81. Gentlemen, say hello
to the Second Base-Mobile.Copy !req
82. Wicked!Copy !req
83. Back then
we didn't care what anyone thought...Copy !req
84. and the chicks
found that irresistible.Copy !req
85. I think you're cool, Homer Simpson.Copy !req
86. Sandra, that was mean.Copy !req
87. But most of all, I remember the music.Copy !req
88. - What the hell are you two doin'?
- It's called rockin' out.Copy !req
89. You wouldn't understand, Dad.
You're not with it.Copy !req
90. I used to be "with it. "
But then they changed what "it" was.Copy !req
91. Now what I'm with isn't "it,"
and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.Copy !req
92. It'll happen to you!Copy !req
93. No way, man.
We're gonna keep on rockin' forever.Copy !req
94. Forever. Forever.Copy !req
95. Forever. Forever.Copy !req
96. Forever.Copy !req
97. What's wrong, Homie?Copy !req
98. I went to the record store today and they
were playing all this music I never heard of.Copy !req
99. It was like the store had gone crazy.Copy !req
100. Hmm. Record stores have always seemed
crazy to me, but it doesn't upset me.Copy !req
101. Music is none of my business.Copy !req
102. That's fine for you, Marge...Copy !req
103. but I used to rock and roll all night
and party ev-er-y day.Copy !req
104. Then it was every other day.Copy !req
105. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week
in which to get funky.Copy !req
106. I've gotta get out of this rut
and back into the groove!Copy !req
107. Well, good!
Try to include Bart and Lisa.Copy !req
108. Dear Lord, if you keep Homer
from embarrassing us today...Copy !req
109. we promise to build several
churches in your honor.Copy !req
110. Bart! No!Copy !req
111. Hey, wait! I'm okay today!
My mom bought me deodorant!Copy !req
112. Dad, you forgot to pick up Milhouse.Copy !req
113. I did? I must be
getting forgetful in my old age.Copy !req
114. Open the glove compartment
and fetch me my brain medicine.Copy !req
115. What are you talking about?Copy !req
116. Well? What have we here?Copy !req
117. Looks like your uncool dad...Copy !req
118. scored tickets to Hullabalooza!Copy !req
119. Bart, these look real.Copy !req
120. Check the authenticator spot.Copy !req
121. This is an authentic Hullabalooza ticket.Copy !req
122. For authentic refreshment,
eat Clark bars.Copy !req
123. And for totally outrageous
class rings, it's Jostens.Copy !req
124. Go, Jostens!Copy !req
125. You're not going to school today.Copy !req
126. Today your classroom
will be the Capitol City Amphitheater.Copy !req
127. Your teacher-
four dozen rock bands.Copy !req
128. So get ready for some
well-supervised craziness...Copy !req
129. while you rock out
with your father!Copy !req
130. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
131. Wow, it's like Woodstock...Copy !req
132. only with
advertisements everywhere...Copy !req
133. and tons of security guards.Copy !req
134. People, have your tickets out.
Throw your cameras out.Copy !req
135. Surrender all identification.Copy !req
136. Ohh!
My homemade Kahlua!Copy !req
137. Generation X may be shallow, but at least
they have tolerance and respect for all people.Copy !req
138. Hey! A freak show!Copy !req
139. Oww!Copy !req
140. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
141. And now the band
you've all been waiting for, Cypress Hill!Copy !req
142. Before we start-Copy !req
143. We have a lost child here.Copy !req
144. If she's not claimed
within the next hour...Copy !req
145. she will become property
of Blockbuster Entertainment.Copy !req
146. - What is that smell?
- It smells like Otto's jacket.Copy !req
147. - Dude, karma.
- What?Copy !req
148. Karma. Karma.Copy !req
149. Oh, I get it.Copy !req
150. Dad, you cannot wear that!
That's a Rastafarian hat!Copy !req
151. Hey, I been safari-in'
since before you were born.Copy !req
152. Wearing a Jamaican hat makes a bold statement
about your connection to reggae music.Copy !req
153. Well, excu-u-use me!Copy !req
154. You know what, Dad?Copy !req
155. Maybe we'll go exploring
on our own for a while.Copy !req
156. Well, Homer, this is it.
Time to get back with the people.Copy !req
157. The young people.Copy !req
158. All right! Yeah!Copy !req
159. Cool concert.
Am I right?Copy !req
160. - Yeah, nice try, narc.
- Where's the narc?Copy !req
161. - Who?
- That fatJamaican guy.Copy !req
162. What'd I say?
What's goin' on?Copy !req
163. Hey, we're just tryin' to have a good time, narc.
Why do you want to destroy us?Copy !req
164. Don't commit your hate crimes here!Copy !req
165. Hate crime!Copy !req
166. Okay, I'm heading out now.Copy !req
167. More butt support.
More butt support!Copy !req
168. D'oh!Copy !req
169. It may be bleak...Copy !req
170. but this music is really
getting to the crowd.Copy !req
171. Ah, making teenagers depressed
is like shooting fish in a barrel.Copy !req
172. Oh!
Makes no sense.Copy !req
173. I haven't changed since high school,
and suddenly I'm uncool.Copy !req
174. I've been kicked out of paradise.Copy !req
175. I'll never be part
of the scene again.Copy !req
176. Uh-oh.Copy !req
177. Oh, man,
There goes Peter Frampton's big finale.Copy !req
178. He's gonna be pissed off.Copy !req
179. You're damn right
I'm gonna be pissed off!Copy !req
180. I bought that pig
at Pink Floyd's yard sale!Copy !req
181. - Dad, are you okay?
- I'm fine.Copy !req
182. Sir, I run Hullabalooza's Pageant
of the Trans-Mundane- the freak show-Copy !req
183. and I've been looking for a big fatso
to shoot with a cannon.Copy !req
184. I'd like very much
for you to be that fatso.Copy !req
185. So, you wanna go on tour
with a traveling freak show.Copy !req
186. I don't think
I have a choice, Marge.Copy !req
187. - Of course you have a choice.
- How do you figure?Copy !req
188. You don't have to join a freak show
just because the opportunity came along.Copy !req
189. You know, Marge, in some ways...Copy !req
190. you and I are
very different people.Copy !req
191. And now, get ready for the man...Copy !req
192. with the iron stomach!Copy !req
193. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
194. Is everybody... good?Copy !req
195. Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
196. Stay in school.
Your hero, Homer.Copy !req
197. Hey, Cannonball.
I like your statement.Copy !req
198. When life takes a cheap shot at you,
you stand your ground.Copy !req
199. Billy Corgan,
Smashing Pumpkins.Copy !req
200. Homer Simpson, smiling politely.Copy !req
201. You know, my kids think
you're the greatest.Copy !req
202. And thanks to your gloomy music...Copy !req
203. they've finally stopped dreaming of a future
I can't possibly provide.Copy !req
204. Well, we try to make a difference.Copy !req
205. "Dear Bart and Lisa"-Copy !req
206. All is well on tour...Copy !req
207. with America's most popular
alternative music festival.Copy !req
208. Our firstjob is to entertain.Copy !req
209. And I like to think sometimes
we get a message across as well.Copy !req
210. But the main thing is...Copy !req
211. I finally tapped into
that spirit of self-destruction...Copy !req
212. that makes rock and roll the king of music.Copy !req
213. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
214. Hello, ticket holders!Copy !req
215. Oh, here comes
that cannonball guy.Copy !req
216. He's cool.Copy !req
217. - Are you being sarcastic, dude?
- I don't even know anymore.Copy !req
218. Thank you!Copy !req
219. And remember,
don't trust anyone over 30!Copy !req
220. And now, Peter Frampton!Copy !req
221. Thanks, Homer.
Homer Simpson, everyone!Copy !req
222. Hey, Homer, looks like our next stop
is your hometown, Springfield.Copy !req
223. Is it true that we have to
bring our own water?Copy !req
224. We got a little rule back home-Copy !req
225. If it's brown, drink it down.Copy !req
226. If it's black, send it back.Copy !req
227. The hometown show's
the big one, Homer.Copy !req
228. People who called you a weirdo in high school get
to see what a successful freak you've become.Copy !req
229. Hey, I wasn't a weirdo.Copy !req
230. I was in the audio-visual club.Copy !req
231. Really? Me too.Copy !req
232. But I got kicked out
'cause of my views on Vietnam.Copy !req
233. Also, I was stealing projectors.Copy !req
234. Anyway, get ready, beer belly.Copy !req
235. - We're gonna show Springfield what we're made of!
- All right, Homer!Copy !req
236. Yeah, Homer.!Copy !req
237. That was odd.Copy !req
238. Gee, I don't like
the sound of that.Copy !req
239. No biggie. I'm cool.Copy !req
240. Nothing's more important to me than
the health and well-being of my freaks.Copy !req
241. I'm sending you to a vet.Copy !req
242. My God.!Copy !req
243. Those cannonballs have practically
demolished your stomach.Copy !req
244. From now on,
no cannonballs, no spicy foods...Copy !req
245. and when you lie
in a hammock, please...Copy !req
246. rest your beer on your head
or your genitals.Copy !req
247. Rules. I'm a rocker!Copy !req
248. I don't care for rules.Copy !req
249. Mr. Simpson, this is serious.Copy !req
250. If you take one more cannonball
to the gut, you will die.Copy !req
251. Die?
Well, you don't scare me, Doc.Copy !req
252. 'Cause dyin' would be a stone groove!Copy !req
253. Got any messages forJimi Hendrix?Copy !req
254. Yes.
Pick up your puppy.Copy !req
255. So, what's it like being famous, Dad?Copy !req
256. People know your name,
but you don't know theirs. It's great.!Copy !req
257. Dad, do you wear boxers or briefs?Copy !req
258. Nope!Copy !req
259. What religion are you?Copy !req
260. You know, the one with all the well-meaning
rules that don't work out in real life.Copy !req
261. Uh, Christianity.Copy !req
262. - What's with all the questions?
- Just some report I gotta do for school.Copy !req
263. - Hey, you want some pie?
- Sure.Copy !req
264. We've got a lot of catching up to do.Copy !req
265. Mmm.Copy !req
266. Clear the way. Clear the way!
Performer coming through!Copy !req
267. This is so exciting.Copy !req
268. Last time I got to go backstage was when
Bart ripped his pants at the Christmas play.Copy !req
269. - Mom!
- Ha-ha!Copy !req
270. Hello, bands.!Copy !req
271. Who is playing with
the London Symphony Orchestra?Copy !req
272. Come on, people. Somebody ordered
the London Symphony Orchestra.Copy !req
273. Possibly while high!Copy !req
274. Cypress Hill,
I'm looking in your direction.Copy !req
275. Hey, man,
did we order an orchestra?Copy !req
276. - What's up with this orchestra?
- Where'd the orchestra come from, man?Copy !req
277. - I don't know.
- You didn't tell me about this, man.Copy !req
278. We gotta do somethin'.Copy !req
279. Uh, yeah, we think we did.Copy !req
280. Uh, do you know
"Insane in the Brain"?Copy !req
281. We mostly know classical,
but we could give it a shot.Copy !req
282. Now, this I like.Copy !req
283. Man, that guy's guitar is talkin'!Copy !req
284. Hey, my shoes are talkin' too!Copy !req
285. Don't worry.Copy !req
286. We won't hurt you.Copy !req
287. We only want
to have some fun.Copy !req
288. And to think, Smithers,
you laughed when I bought Ticketmaster.Copy !req
289. "Nobody's going to pay
a hundred-percent service charge. "Copy !req
290. Well, it's a policy that ensures a healthy mix
of the rich and the ignorant, sir.Copy !req
291. Do you feel like we do, Springfield?Copy !req
292. Yeah! Do y-
Wait. Do ya- Do ya feel-Copy !req
293. Do- Do ya feel-Copy !req
294. Oh, come on!
Do you feel-Copy !req
295. Homer Simpson wrecks my pig...Copy !req
296. Cypress Hill steals my orchestra...Copy !req
297. and Sonic Youth's in my cooler!Copy !req
298. Get out of there, you kids!Copy !req
299. Oh, come on, Mr. Frampton.
You're not gonna eat all that watermelon.Copy !req
300. Please!
I'm trying to perform.Copy !req
301. Go ahead.
We'll stay here and guard your cooler.Copy !req
302. Twenty-five years
I've been in this- I've never-Copy !req
303. And now, Springfield, this is the moment
that you've been waiting for!Copy !req
304. The man who embodies everything
about rock and roll- except the music.Copy !req
305. Give it up for your very own
homegrown hero...Copy !req
306. Homer Simpson.!Copy !req
307. I used to carpool with that guy!Copy !req
308. Oh, this is heavy.Copy !req
309. Okay, Homer,
don't fear the reaper.Copy !req
310. Ohh! I'm gonna die!Copy !req
311. Cannons are designed to hurt.Copy !req
312. They're designed to hurt!Copy !req
313. Shh! Mom!
Dad needs our support.Copy !req
314. You're the coolest dad alive!Copy !req
315. Oh, Marge, I thought I had
an appetite for destruction...Copy !req
316. but all I wanted
was a club sandwich.Copy !req
317. There might be one in this cooler.Copy !req
318. - Oh! Here we go.
- Ohh!Copy !req
319. Oh, man, Homer wussed out.
I'm so disillusioned.Copy !req
320. Hey, Hullabalooza isn't about freaks.Copy !req
321. It's about music and advertising...Copy !req
322. and youth-oriented product positioning.Copy !req
323. That, and getting toasted.
Nicely toasted.Copy !req
324. Homer, I'm sorry. There's nothing worse
than a yellow-bellied freak.Copy !req
325. Unless that's his act.Copy !req
326. - I expect your letter of resignation on my desk.
- You have a desk?Copy !req
327. I mean the hood of my car.Copy !req
328. I'll miss you Pumpkins,
but I just can't share your bleak worldview.Copy !req
329. - I've got too much to live for.
- We envy you, Homer.Copy !req
330. All we have is our music,
our legions of fans...Copy !req
331. our millions of dollars and our youth.Copy !req
332. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
333. - Let's all go out and buy fur coats!
- I want a walk-in humidor.Copy !req
334. So I realized that being
with my family is more important...Copy !req
335. than being cool.Copy !req
336. Dad, what you just said
was powerfully uncool.Copy !req
337. You know what the song says.Copy !req
338. It's hip to be square.Copy !req
339. That song is so lame.Copy !req
340. So lame that it's... cool?Copy !req
341. - No.
- Am I cool, kids?Copy !req
342. - No.
- Good. I'm glad.Copy !req
343. - And that's what makes me
cool- not caring. Right? - No.Copy !req
344. Well, how the hell do you be cool?Copy !req
345. I feel like we've tried everything here.Copy !req
346. Wait, Marge.Copy !req
347. Maybe if you're truly cool,
you don't need to be told you're cool.Copy !req
348. - Sure you do.
- How else would you know?Copy !req
349. Shh!Copy !req