1. Live, from
the Springfield Civic Auditorium-Copy !req
2. it's "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular.!"Copy !req
3. Hello, I'm Troy McClure.Copy !req
4. You may remember me from
such Fox Network specials as...Copy !req
5. Alien NoseJob, and five fabulous
weeks of The Chevy Chase Show.Copy !req
6. Tonight, we're here to honor
America's favorite...Copy !req
7. non-prehistoric cartoon family.Copy !req
8. You'll see long-lost footage...Copy !req
9. never-before-seen material
from your favorite episodes...Copy !req
10. old favorites you can't
see in syndication.Copy !req
11. So join me, won't you, for
"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular!"Copy !req
12. The SimpsonsCopy !req
13. D'oh!Copy !req
14. The Simpsons began
as the brainchild...Copy !req
15. of cartoonist Matt Groening...Copy !req
16. the already-famous creator
of such comics...Copy !req
17. as Damnation, Johnny Reb...Copy !req
18. and True Murder Stories.Copy !req
19. In 1987, Groening teamed up
with award-winning producers...Copy !req
20. James L. Brooks...Copy !req
21. and Sam Simon.Copy !req
22. And what better place
to premiere their creation...Copy !req
23. than on The Tracy Ullman Show-Copy !req
24. the nation's showcase
for psychiatrist jokes...Copy !req
25. and musical comedy numbers.Copy !req
26. On April 19, 1987, America
first met The Simpsons.Copy !req
27. Well, good night, Son.Copy !req
28. - Um, Dad?
- Yeah?Copy !req
29. What is the mind?
Is it just a system of impulses...Copy !req
30. or is it something tangible?Copy !req
31. Relax. What is mind?
No matter.Copy !req
32. What is matter? Never mind.Copy !req
33. - Thanks, Dad.
- Good night, Son.Copy !req
34. - Good night, Lisa.
- Good night, Mom.Copy !req
35. - Sweet dreams.
- Thanks, Mom.Copy !req
36. - Sleep tight.
- I will, Mom.Copy !req
37. Don't let the bedbugs bite.Copy !req
38. Bedbugs?Copy !req
39. Sweet dreams.Copy !req
40. We may be the best parents
in the world.Copy !req
41. Mm. Good night, dear.Copy !req
42. Good night.Copy !req
43. All right. Climb in.Copy !req
44. There's nothing to worry about.
Now everyone, go to sleep.Copy !req
45. Good night.Copy !req
46. Di-da.Copy !req
47. They haven't changed a bit, have they?Copy !req
48. As the weeks went on,
so did the cartoons.Copy !req
49. Fresh chocolate chip
cookies.Copy !req
50. Oh! Don't touch those yet.Copy !req
51. They're very, very hot.Copy !req
52. Aha! No one's around.Copy !req
53. The perfect crime.Copy !req
54. Yow!Copy !req
55. Do I smell cookies?Copy !req
56. Where's the cookies?Copy !req
57. They're all gone,
the whole batch.Copy !req
58. Somebody ate those cookies.Copy !req
59. Did you eat
the cookies, Maggie?Copy !req
60. I think she's trying
to tell us something.Copy !req
61. - Go on, Maggie.
- Go on, Maggie. Go! Go!Copy !req
62. There's no perfect crime.Copy !req
63. Ohh!Copy !req
64. I've got a great idea.Copy !req
65. Let's play Space Patrol.!Copy !req
66. I'll be Lee Suey, the devil-may-care
rocket pilot.Copy !req
67. And Maggie can be Medina,
your spunky sidekick.Copy !req
68. And you'll be-Copy !req
69. Bartron, the evil robot
from Mars gone berserk.Copy !req
70. Do I understand you correctly, Bartron?Copy !req
71. Do you wish me to release you
from the Helmet of Evil Thoughts...Copy !req
72. with my enchanted
space wand?Copy !req
73. - Yes! Yes! Yes!
- I will do it, Bartron.Copy !req
74. But who knows what mysterious forces
will be unleashed?Copy !req
75. Oh, no. Inside the evil Bartron...Copy !req
76. is a horrible, mutant boy.!Copy !req
77. We'll be safe here
till Mom and Dad...Copy !req
78. the Evil Overlords,
get home.Copy !req
79. As wacky
as those kids were...Copy !req
80. they were no match for Captain Wacky,
later renamed "Homer. "Copy !req
81. Wake up, everybody! It's World War III!Copy !req
82. Quick.! Down to the fallout shelter.!
The bombs are dropping.!Copy !req
83. Eighteen seconds. Hmm.Copy !req
84. If this were really a nuclear war,
we'd all be dead meat by now.Copy !req
85. Say, you're all shivering.
Are you cold or what?Copy !req
86. Bart.!Copy !req
87. Bart.! Time for your
Sunday night bath, boy.!Copy !req
88. Gotta hide.Copy !req
89. Bart.! Huh.
Where are ya, boy?Copy !req
90. - Oops.
- Aha!Copy !req
91. There ya go!
Now, that's not so bad, is it?Copy !req
92. Scrub good now.Copy !req
93. Ahh.Copy !req
94. Welcome
to zee exotic world of undersea explorer...Copy !req
95. Bart Simpseau.Copy !req
96. Come with Bart as he dive
into zee briny deep...Copy !req
97. searching for the wily
and elusive washcloth.Copy !req
98. Suddenly, without warning, zee brave boy
get more than he bargain for.Copy !req
99. Help! Help!Copy !req
100. Help! Help!Copy !req
101. Clean as a whistle, Homer.Copy !req
102. Maybe the drawings were a little crude,
but all the characters were there.Copy !req
103. Itchy and Scratchy,
Grampa Simpson...Copy !req
104. and Krusty the Clown.Copy !req
105. When we return,
more classic moments-Copy !req
106. and, for
the first time on TV...Copy !req
107. our private reel
of Simpsons outtakes...Copy !req
108. including the alternate endings
to, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?"Copy !req
109. The cash register says, "N.R.A.4ever. "Copy !req
110. Just one of the hundreds of
radical, right-wing messages...Copy !req
111. inserted into every show
by creator Matt Groening.Copy !req
112. Over the six years The Simpsons
has been on the air...Copy !req
113. we've received dozens of letters
from fans wanting to know...Copy !req
114. more about the show.Copy !req
115. Tonight, we'll answer
some of your questions.Copy !req
116. Professor Lawrence Pierce
of the University of Chicago writes:Copy !req
117. "I think Homer gets
stupider every year. "Copy !req
118. That's not a question, professor.
But we'll let the viewers judge for themselves.Copy !req
119. Hello, my name
is Mr. Burns.Copy !req
120. - I believe you have a letter for me.
- Okay, Mr. Burns.Copy !req
121. - Uh, what's your first name?
- I don't know.Copy !req
122. Well, Homer, maybe you can
take some consolation...Copy !req
123. in the fact that something you created
is making so many people happy.Copy !req
124. "Ooh! Look at me.
I'm making people happy.Copy !req
125. "I'm the magical man
from Happy Land...Copy !req
126. in a gumdrop house
on Lollipop Lane. "Copy !req
127. Oh, by the way,
I was being sarcastic.Copy !req
128. Well, duh.Copy !req
129. Yabba-dabba-doo!Copy !req
130. Simpson, Homer SimpsonCopy !req
131. He's the greatest guy
in historyCopy !req
132. From the town of SpringfieldCopy !req
133. He's about to hit
a chestnut treeCopy !req
134. Hey, guys. Look
what I smuggled aboard.Copy !req
135. Homer, no!Copy !req
136. - Huh?
- They'll clog the instruments!Copy !req
137. - Careful! They're ruffled!
- I'll take care of this.Copy !req
138. Ahh-Copy !req
139. Mmm.Copy !req
140. Ants!Copy !req
141. No TV and no beer
make Homer something something.Copy !req
142. - Go crazy?
- Don't mind if I do!Copy !req
143. Dr. Linus Irving of the Sloan-Kettering
Memorial Institute writes:Copy !req
144. "How does Matt Groening
find the time to write and draw...Copy !req
145. an entire Simpsons episode
every week?"Copy !req
146. For the answer to this,
we went straight to the source.Copy !req
147. Get outta my office!Copy !req
148. Of course, what Matt meant to say...Copy !req
149. according to his attorneys,
is that he couldn't possibly do it alone...Copy !req
150. and he insisted that we make time to
acknowledge the hard work of everyone...Copy !req
151. who makes The Simpsons possible.Copy !req
152. Ambassador Henry Mwabwetumba
of the Ivory Coast writes:Copy !req
153. "What is the real deal
with Mr. Burns's assistant, Smithers?Copy !req
154. You know what
I'm talking about. "Copy !req
155. Of course we do.Copy !req
156. - The preparations for your birthday have begun.
- I won't get what I really want.Copy !req
157. No one does.Copy !req
158. Happy birthday, Mr. SmithersCopy !req
159. Mmm.Copy !req
160. - People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
- Nonsense.Copy !req
161. Dogs are idiots.
Think about it, Smithers.Copy !req
162. If I came into your house
and started sniffing at your crotch...Copy !req
163. and slobbering all over your face,
what would you say?Copy !req
164. Mmm. If you did it, sir?Copy !req
165. - I'll, uh, print you out a copy.
- Thanks.Copy !req
166. Hello. Smithers.Copy !req
167. You're. Quite.
Good. At. Turning. Me. On.Copy !req
168. Um, you probably
should ignore that.Copy !req
169. Hmm. I dreamed about her
again last night, Smithers.Copy !req
170. You know that dream where you're in bed,
and they fly in through the window?Copy !req
171. Ahh.Copy !req
172. As you can see,
the real deal with Waylon Smithers...Copy !req
173. is that he's Mr. Burns's assistant.Copy !req
174. He's in his early 40s, is unmarried,
and currently resides in Springfield.Copy !req
175. Thanks for writing.
We'll be right back.Copy !req
176. If you said "Bleeding Gums"
Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe...Copy !req
177. you are wrong-
they were never popular.Copy !req
178. Right about now
you're probably saying...Copy !req
179. "Troy, I've seen
every Simpsons episode.Copy !req
180. You can't show me
anything new. "Copy !req
181. You've got
some attitude, mister.Copy !req
182. Besides, you're wrong!
Because sometimes episodes run long...Copy !req
183. and certain scenes
never get aired.Copy !req
184. So, fire up your VCR, because here,
for the first time ever...Copy !req
185. are the cutout classics.Copy !req
186. When Krusty the Clown got canceled-Copy !req
187. he tried everything to stay on the air.Copy !req
188. Here's what you didn't see.Copy !req
189. If you watch my show, I will
send you this book featuring me...Copy !req
190. in a variety of
sexually explicit positions.Copy !req
191. What? Oh. Hey! It's not really me.
I used a stunt butt.Copy !req
192. Krusty, we're from the network.
We have some bad news.Copy !req
193. - I'm afraid your show's been canceled.
- I thought this would happen.Copy !req
194. I just hope you replace me
with something as educational...Copy !req
195. and uplifting
as I tried to be.Copy !req
196. Actually, it's a hemorrhoid infomercial
starring Claude Akins.Copy !req
197. Can I play
"Hemorrhoid Sufferer Number One"?Copy !req
198. - Ooh! Oh, that hurts! Aah! Oh, is there no relief?
- I don't think so.Copy !req
199. Well, how about
one of the "after" guys?Copy !req
200. Ahh! Oh, that's better.Copy !req
201. - I can ride a bike again!
- Sorry.Copy !req
202. Ohh.Copy !req
203. When Springfield
legalized gambling...Copy !req
204. Homer became
a blackjack dealer...Copy !req
205. and comedy was
"in the cards. "Copy !req
206. Twenty. Your move, Mr. Bond.Copy !req
207. I'll take a hit, dealer.Copy !req
208. Joker. You were supposed to
take those out of the deck.Copy !req
209. - Oh, sorry. Here's another one.
- What is this card?Copy !req
210. - "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker?"
- What a pity, Mr. Bond.Copy !req
211. But-Well, it was Homer's fault.
I didn't lose. I never lose.Copy !req
212. Well, at least tell me the details
of your plot for world domination.Copy !req
213. I'm not going
to fall for that one again.Copy !req
214. Earlier this year,
Homer's long-lost mother returned...Copy !req
215. and so did a long-lost care package.Copy !req
216. Mmm.Copy !req
217. Homer, please. You don't have to
wolf down that 25-year-old candy...Copy !req
218. - just to make me happy.
- But it won't make you unhappy, right?Copy !req
219. Hey! Space food sticks!Copy !req
220. Oh, I wish I had these
on my space adventure.Copy !req
221. Did you know I was blasted into space
two years ago, Mom?Copy !req
222. Oh, sure. I read all about it.
I mean-Copy !req
223. It was national news.
Do you... still work for NASA?Copy !req
224. - No, I work at the nuclear power plant.
- Oh, Homer.Copy !req
225. Well, you'll be happy to know
I don't work very hard.Copy !req
226. Actually, I'm bringing
the plant down from the inside.Copy !req
227. When Homer sold his soul
for a doughnut...Copy !req
228. he found out that hell isn't
all it's cracked up to be...Copy !req
229. in these
never-before-broadcast scenes.Copy !req
230. Mm, lawyers,
lawyers, lawyers-Copy !req
231. Ooh, Lionel Hutz!Copy !req
232. "Cases won in 30 minutes
or your pizza's free. " Hmm.Copy !req
233. I'd sell my soul for
a Formula One racing car.Copy !req
234. That can be arranged.Copy !req
235. Changed my mind.
Sorry.Copy !req
236. - Cool.
- Bart, stop pestering Satan!Copy !req
237. Your Honor, we find
that Homer Simpson's soul...Copy !req
238. is legally the property of Marge Simpson,
and not of the devil.Copy !req
239. - Ohh.
- Yea!Copy !req
240. Whoo-hoo! Ow!Copy !req
241. Well, I didn't win.
Here's your pizza.Copy !req
242. - But we did win.
- That's okay. The box is empty.Copy !req
243. If that's what they cut out,
what they leave in...Copy !req
244. must be pure gold!Copy !req
245. Let's watch some more of those
fabulous Simpsons outtakes.Copy !req
246. Apu living with the Simpsons?
It happened.Copy !req
247. And here's a scene
you didn't see.Copy !req
248. I'm hoping you enjoy this movie.Copy !req
249. It made every Indian critic's
Top 400 list.Copy !req
250. This movie you rented sucks.Copy !req
251. No, it doesn't. It's funny.Copy !req
252. Their clothes are different
from my clothes.Copy !req
253. Look at what they're wearin'.Copy !req
254. A few years back,
Bart was adopted by Mr. Burns.Copy !req
255. In this very special outtake,
Homer attempts a reconciliation...Copy !req
256. with his estranged son.Copy !req
257. - Watch.
- Bart, you're coming home.Copy !req
258. I want to stay here
with Mr. Burns.Copy !req
259. I suggest you leave immediately.Copy !req
260. Or what? You'll release
the dogs, or the bees...Copy !req
261. or the dogs with bees
in their mouth...Copy !req
262. and when they bark,
they shoot bees at you?Copy !req
263. Well, go ahead.
Do your worst!Copy !req
264. My worst, eh?
Smithers...Copy !req
265. release the robotic Richard Simmons.Copy !req
266. Come on, big boy!
Shake the butter off those buns!Copy !req
267. Come on, girls. Shake, shake, shake.Copy !req
268. Smithers, it's out of control.Copy !req
269. I'll take him out, sir.Copy !req
270. His ass is gonna blow!Copy !req
271. This past summer, all of America
was trying to solve the mystery...Copy !req
272. of'Who Shot Mr. Burns?"Copy !req
273. Then they found out
it was the baby.Copy !req
274. To keep this bombshell secret...Copy !req
275. the producers animated several solutions
that were never intended to air.Copy !req
276. And to keep the show's
animators, editors...Copy !req
277. staff and hangers-on from
leaking the solution...Copy !req
278. two completely different
endings were produced.Copy !req
279. One real, one phony.Copy !req
280. Here's the ending
you were never meant to see.Copy !req
281. The one who shot me was-Copy !req
282. Waylon Smithers!Copy !req
283. No-o!
Wait a minute. Yes.Copy !req
284. With the sun-blocker in place
and the town aghast, I was on top of the world.Copy !req
285. So I wanted to kick up my heels
and indulge my sweet tooth.Copy !req
286. I feel like celebrating.Copy !req
287. Oh, it's you. What are you so happy about?Copy !req
288. - I see.
- Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt...Copy !req
289. to take candy from a baby,
but with him out of the picture...Copy !req
290. I was free to wallow
in my own crapulence.Copy !req
291. Or so I thought.Copy !req
292. At the last moment, Smithers,
drunk as a lemur...Copy !req
293. lurched out of the darkness
and fired.!Copy !req
294. That's right.Copy !req
295. Right before I shotJasper.Copy !req
296. Hmm. I was busy that night.Copy !req
297. Stricken,
I lurched forth in search of aid.Copy !req
298. But finding only slack-jawed gawkers,
I gave up and collapsed on the sundial.Copy !req
299. Then, with your last
ounce of strength...Copy !req
300. you pointed to "W" and "S".Copy !req
301. Waylon Smithers!Copy !req
302. I'm just relieved that Homer's safe
and that you've recovered...Copy !req
303. and we can all get back to normal.Copy !req
304. Not exactly.Copy !req
305. Smithers, for attempting to kill me...Copy !req
306. I'm giving you a five percent pay cut.Copy !req
307. Ohh!Copy !req
308. But, of course,
for that ending to work...Copy !req
309. you would have to ignore
all the Simpson D.N.A. evidence.Copy !req
310. And that would be downright nutty.Copy !req
311. Yes, the Simpsons
have come a long way...Copy !req
312. since an old drunk made humans
out of his rabbit characters...Copy !req
313. to pay off his gambling debts.Copy !req
314. Who knows what adventures
they'll have between now...Copy !req
315. and the time the show
becomes unprofitable?Copy !req
316. I'm Troy McClure, and I'll leave you
with what we all came here to see:Copy !req
317. hard-core nudity!Copy !req
318. Shh!Copy !req