The Simpsons 5x1

Directed by Mark Kirkland

David Crosby as himself (voice) • George Harrison as himself (voice) • David Crosby as David Crosby (voice) • George Harrison as George Harrison (voice)

Homer recalls when he, Apu, Barney and Principal Skinner became recording icons.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. D'

2. Aah!

3. Take two!

4. Take three!

5. Human roaches feeding off each other's garbage.

6. The only thing you can't buy here is dignity.

7. Welcome, swappers,

8. to the Springfield Swap Meet!

9. Ich bin ein Springfield Swap Meet patron.

10. I need a drink and a shower.

11. Oyster shells!

12. Hand-painted to resemble Lucille Ball!

13. You'll love Oyster Lucy!

14. Mr. Mooney, I just got to meet Bob Cummings.

15. Viv!

16. Boy! Free trading cards.

17. Wow!

18. Joseph of Arimathea!

19. Twenty-six conversions in A.D. 46.

20. Whoa! A Methuselah rookie card!

21. Heh, heh. Well, boys, who'd have thought

22. learning about religion could be fun?

23. - Religion? - Learning?

24. - Let's get out of here! - Hey!

25. Wow! An original Malibu Stacy from 1958.

26. Yeah, they took her off the market

27. after some kid put both his eyes out.

28. My.

29. Prisoner 24601.

30. God...

31. I wore this for two years

32. in a Viet Cong internment center.

33. Never thought I'd see the old girl again.

34. Still fits.

35. Small world?

36. It is. It really, really is.

37. Ooh! Five cents each.

38. Junk.

39. Junk.

40. The airplane's upside down.

41. Stradi-who-vius?

42. Your teenage son or daughter will think

43. this wishbone necklace is really cool.

44. I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid.

45. Nah.

46. - What the hell's this? - "Melvin and the Squirrels."

47. Part of the Rodent Invasion of the early'60s.

48. Melvin!

49. Bart, look.

50. It's Dad.

51. Dad, when did you record an album?

52. I'm surprised you don't remember, son.

53. It was only eight years ago.

54. Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember

55. what happened eight minutes ago.

56. No, really, I can't. It's a serious problem.

57. What are we all laughing about?

58. Who cares?

59. Anyway, it all happened

60. during that magical summer of 1985.

61. A maturing Joe Piscopo

62. left Saturday Night Live to conquer Hollywood.

63. People Express introduced a generation of hicks

64. to plane travel.

65. And I was in a barbershop quartet.

66. Every afternoon at Moe's, Chief Wiggum,

67. Principal Skinner, Apu, and I

68. would get together and sing.

69. And the crowds went wild.

70. Yoo-hoo!

71. Barbershop?

72. That ain't been popular

73. since aught-six, dagnab it.

74. Bart, what did I tell you?

75. No talking like a grizzled 1890s prospector, consarn it.

76. Anyway, rock and roll had become stagnant.

77. "Achy Breaky Heart" was seven years away.

78. Something had to fill the void.

79. And that something was barbershop.

80. That's my son up there.

81. What, the balding fat ass?

82. No, the Hindu guy.

83. I'm going to nail that cop right between the eyes.

84. Right after this song is over.

85. Ching, ching!

86. You know, Reverend, this really isn't a hymn.

87. Ned, there's an oil stain in the parking lot

88. - that looks just like St. Barnabas. - My stars.

89. Homer, I'm a theatrical agent.

90. And I want to represent your group.

91. - Really? - Yeah. You've got it.

92. All except that police officer.

93. Yuck! Too "Village People."

94. - You have to replace him. - Just leave it to me.

95. Where we goin'? Where we goin'?

96. Run along, boy.

97. You're free now!

98. No! No!

99. No!

100. Principal Seymour Skinner.

101. Apu Nasapimapetalon.

102. Never fit on a marquee, luv.

103. From now on, your name is Apu de Beaumarchais.

104. That is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my god, but okay.

105. The next day, we started auditioning

106. for Chief Wiggum's replacement.

107. - Get off the stage. - I want to, but I can't.

108. Next!

109. Good Lord!

110. Dr. Dolittle is Chief Wiggum.

111. This bird's going to fly.

112. It was one lousy applicant after another.

113. And then...

114. - Such a voice. - Who is that?

115. Barney!

116. Barney! How'd you like to sing for our group?

117. Sure. Why not?

118. Now, where's me toothpick?

119. Wiggum forever!

120. Barney never!

121. Wiggum forever!

122. Barney never!

123. Wiggum forever!

124. Barney forever!

125. Wiggum never!

126. Barney forever!

127. Wiggum never!

128. Hey, those girls you paid to scream are doing a great job.

129. I didn't pay any girls to scream.

130. My, did we sound great!

131. Only one question remains, gentlemen.

132. What do we call ourselves?

133. How about...

134. "Handsome Homer Simpson Plus Three"?

135. - I like it! - Wait, I do not.

136. We need a name that's witty at first

137. but that seems less funny each time you hear it.

138. How about "The Be Sharps"?

139. Perfect.

140. The Be Sharps.

141. The Be Sharps.

142. The Be Sharps.

143. The Be Sharps.

144. Ha, ha, ha.

145. Heh, heh.

146. Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.

147. Heh, heh... heh.

148. Aw, you're all under arrest.

149. - What did you kids get? - I bought this cool pencil holder.

150. Far out, man.

151. I haven't seen a bong in years.

152. No one bought a wishbone necklace.

153. Well, one of us made some money.

154. I sold a guy our spare tire.

155. D-

156. It will be a long time

157. before your mother gets back with the tire,

158. so why don't I tell you more of the story?

159. Now that we had a name, the Be Sharps needed a hit...

160. Something new, something exciting, something mid-1980s.

161. D-

162. Look what I got.

163. Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car.

164. "Baby on board."

165. This thing writes itself.

166. Gentlemen, you've just recorded your first number one.

167. - Yes! - Yes!

168. Wait till I tell Marge.

169. Yes. Bouffant Betty.

170. Well, I would prefer we kept your marriage a secret.

171. You see, a lot of women are going to want to have sex with you,

172. and, we want them to think they can.

173. Well, if I explain it to Marge that way,

174. I'm sure she'll understand.

175. Come on, honey.

176. It will only be till we finish our tour of Sweden.

177. That's my boy Homer singing.

178. Hmm. Paul Harvey's on.

179. And that little boy whom nobody liked

180. grew up to be...

181. Roy Cohn.

182. Wow!

183. And now you know the rest of the story.

184. Squiddy, I got nothing against you.

185. I just heard there was gold in your belly.

186. Homer, you're going to be famous.

187. Yeah, but I'm not going to let it change our lives.

188. I'll be the same loving father I've always been.

189. - Have you seen Bart? - I stuck him somewhere.

190. Look what I got for you, Dad.

191. Hom...!

192. Give me the key.

193. I have a question for Apu De Beaumarchais.

194. Isn't it true that you're really an Indian?

195. By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie.

196. Barney, how did you join the group?

197. They found me on the men's room floor.

198. Principal Skinner.

199. You've been referred to as "the funny one."

200. Is that reputation justified?

201. Yes. Yes, it is.

202. Damn ceremonies.

203. This is time I could be working, Mommy.

204. We'd like to dedicate this next number

205. to a very special woman.

206. She's a hundred years old

207. and she weighs over 200... tons.

208. This enormous woman will devour us all!

209. I meant the statue.

210. Okay, Gilligan, the Skipper, and Chief Wiggum.

211. "Name three castaways."

212. - Hey! - Ooh.

213. Clancy, use the remote.

214. Yeah.

215. Can we talk about Chief Wiggum?

216. We had fame and fortune. Now all we needed

217. was the approval of record company lowlifes.

218. And the Grammy for outstanding soul

219. spoken-word, or barbershop album of the year

220. goes to...

221. The Be Sharps!

222. - Congratulations. - David Crosby? You're my hero.

223. - You like my music? - You're a musician?

224. Then came the greatest thrill of my life.

225. Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison.

226. My God! My God!

227. Where did you get that brownie?

228. Over there. There's a big pile of them.

229. Man.

230. Wow, what a nice fellow.

231. Lisa, did you see the Grammys?

232. You beat Dexy's Midnight Runners.

233. Well, you haven't heard the last of them.

234. I miss you, Daddy.

235. I miss you, too, honey.

236. Here's that champagne you ordered, Mr. Simpson.

237. Thanks.

238. Here.

239. Wow! An award statue!

240. It's a Grammy.

241. Hey, don't throw your garbage down here.

242. Wow! Look at all this Be Sharps merchandise.

243. Lunch boxes,

244. coffee mugs,

245. funny foam.

246. They took the foam off the market,

247. because they found out it was poisonous.

248. But if ask me, if you're dumb enough to eat it,

249. you deserve to die.

250. - Bart! - What?

251. I can't believe you're not still popular.

252. What'd you do? Screw up like the Beatles

253. and say you were bigger than Jesus?

254. All the time. It was the title of our second album.

255. But we were about to learn an iron law of show business...

256. What goes up must come down.

257. What about Bob Hope?

258. He's been consistently popular for over 50 years.

259. So is Sinatra.

260. Well, anyway, we were all getting tired of...

261. Dean Martin still packs them in.

262. - Ditto Tom Jones. - Shut up!

263. With your father on the road all the time,

264. I tried to compensate for his absence.

265. Hi, kids.

266. I love...

267. Meanwhile, the group

268. was having problems of its own.

269. This is worse than your song about Mr. T.

270. I pity the fool who doesn't like he.

271. - And where's Barney? - He's with his new girlfriend,

272. the Japanese conceptual artist.

273. Barbershop is in danger of growing stale.

274. I'm taking it to strange, new places.

275. Number eight.

276. Number eight.

277. Number eight.

278. Number eight.

279. Number eight.

280. Then came the day we knew we were finished.

281. Gentlemen, this magazine just came out

282. with its "What's hot and what's not" issue.

283. - Are we hot? - We are not.

284. We all went our separate ways.

285. Well, William, I'm back.

286. So how did you spend your summer?

287. I made millions in software

288. and lost it at the track, och!

289. It may not be glamorous,

290. but it's good, honest work.

291. - How much is this quart of milk? - 12 dollars.

292. Hey, Barney, what will it be?

293. I'd like a beer, Moe.

294. I'd like a single plum

295. floating in perfume,

296. served in a man's hat.

297. Here you go.

298. Hey, fellas, I'm back.

299. That's great.

300. Your replacement was getting tired.

301. Hey, Queeny, you can go now.

302. I'll give her a good home.

303. And I did.

304. I'll never forget my five and a half weeks

305. - at the top. - Man, that's some story.

306. But there are still a few things I don't get.

307. Like, how come we never heard about this until today?

308. Yeah, and what happened to the money you made?

309. Why haven't you hung up your gold records?

310. Since when could you write a song?

311. There are perfectly good answers to those questions,

312. but they'll have to wait for another night.

313. Now off to bed.

314. I can't remember the last time we were all together.

315. Last year on that stupid Dame Edna special.

316. And a-one and a-two

317. and a-three.

318. Hello! Human fly here.

319. Come on! I stayed up all night

320. dyeing my underwear.

321. Extra, extra!

322. Be Sharps sing on rooftop!

323. What? Give me one of those.

324. Wait a minute.

325. There's nothing in here about the Be Sharps.

326. - Come back here! - Ha-ha!

327. It's been done.

328. Pretty, Chief?

329. It sure is, Lou. It sure is.

330. Get the tear gas.

331. I'd like to thank you on behalf of the group,

332. and I hope we passed the audition.

333. I don't get it.

334. Shh.

335. ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.