The IT Crowd 1x4

Directed by Graham Linehan

Chris Morris as Denholm Reynholm • Cordelia Bugeja as Abi • Susannah Wise as Samantha • Noel Fielding as Richmond

After being told that she can never open the red door, Jen finds a way to find out what the mystery is all about.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. We don't need no education.

2. Yes you do, you've just used a double negative.

3. Notice anything?

4. What?

5. Guess.

6. Something wrong with your eyes.

7. No I have a new cup.

8. What's wrong with my eyes?

9. It's not very distinctive is it?

10. There's a picture of me on it.

11. No there isn't.

12. - Yes there is. - No there isn't.

13. Yes there is.

14. I am sick of my things going walkabout.

15. With this picture everyone knows

16. that a certain Mr Moss might be looking for his cup.

17. Wrangle with him and you'll find your hands

18. full my friend.

19. Wrangle with who?

20. There's no one there.

21. - Morning. - Morning.

22. Did you have a nice weekend?

23. - It was alright thanks. - Not you.

24. I did too.

25. I'm not wearing a scarf.

26. Not you Moss.

27. Notice anything new about Moss?

28. His eyes?

29. No he has a new cup it's the talk of the office.

30. Yes I think I read about it in Heat.

31. Receptionist, third floor, Gloria Whatshername.

32. Have you seen her baby?

33. I didn't even know she was pregnant.

34. Yeah I thought she was stealing office equipment.

35. That's how I got that monitor home.

36. Do you want to sit here?

37. Thank you.

38. What?

39. Ask me where it is.

40. Where what is?

41. The picture.

42. Where's the picture Moss?

43. It's on the base Roy.

44. Okay well let's see it then?

45. Sure, I pour hot squash all over myself

46. and we all have a good chuckle.

47. Everyone except muggings here.

48. Who will show you in a minute.

49. Can I ask you two a question?

50. Please Christ yes.

51. No wait, wait one moment, wait.

52. How can you two live like this?

53. How can you two...

54. Don't Google the question Moss.

55. What are you talking about?

56. It's so disgusting in here.

57. I mean, I know nobody comes down here

58. but it doesn't mean you have to live like animals.

59. You know, I mean for starters you could clean that window

60. and then you'd have a bit of light in here.

61. What window?

62. That one up there.

63. Yeah that's not a window.

64. Get it clean you'll have some light in here.

65. I think that we have plenty of light.

66. I mean look at that CD tray.

67. Isn't that important?

68. Wouldn't you like to actually put CD's

69. in there at some point?

70. Well yes ideally but I haven't

71. the heart to move them.

72. I mean how did that even happen?

73. Okay now I'm curious.

74. Give us a look at the picture then.

75. What picture?

76. The picture on the cup.

77. Right.

78. Behold!

79. There's nothing there.

80. What? This isn't my cup.

81. What is that?

82. - Goats cheese salad. - Oh, oh...

83. You don't like goats cheese?

84. I don't like goats anything.

85. I don't like goats being involved

86. at any stage of the food production process.

87. Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate desert first?

88. What are you eating anyway?

89. It's a bucket of fried chicken.

90. It comes in a real bucket now.

91. Tell me what's behind that red door?

92. There's nothing behind the red door Jen.

93. No Jen it's just a boring old store room that's all.

94. It's just a store room where we keep the snibbits.

95. What's a snibbet?

96. It's a kind of plange.

97. What plange for the computers.

98. Yes, computer plange.

99. Oh, well if it's a store room

100. No Jen, Jen, look I know that you want to make

101. your mark down here and that's really sweet

102. but you can't just go messing around

103. with the snibbet store room willy nilly.

104. You, you can't upset the whole harmony of the place.

105. Harmony? What harmony?

106. Well I know that the place looks like a bit of a mess,

107. but it's actually a very delicate eco system.

108. Everything is connected.

109. It's like the rain forest.

110. Much like the rain forest.

111. You change one thing, even the tiniest bit

112. and the whole rain forest dies.

113. You don't want the rain forest to die do you?

114. No, no I really don't want the rain forest to die.

115. Well that's what will happen if you open the red door.

116. Hello I.T.

117. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

118. Okay, well are you sure that it's plugged in?

119. Okay, well I'll be up in a minute.

120. What was that about?

121. Girl on four.

122. A job. Are you going to go?

123. Yeah in a while. It can wait.

124. Yeah, well I am reading a comic.

125. in my last job it would take a good couple of hours

126. before someone got to me.

127. You can't go up straight away or they'll all expect it.

128. You're killing the rainforest.

129. Stop saying that.

130. Me and this girl, I asked her out once,

131. she said no it all got a little bit embarrassing

132. she treats me like I'm some sort of sexually

133. frustrated cretin.

134. You are not the head of this department.

135. No, I'm relationship manager.

136. I'm the one who gets the complaints

137. I'm the one whose name is on the line...

138. All right I will go up just shut up.

139. Oh, for god's sake.

140. Someone under here.

141. Yes!

142. Hello?

143. Hello?

144. Um.

145. Did you get it fixed?

146. Oh yes.

147. Well, left him to it.

148. Yeah I like it when they just go.

149. Oh, dear me.

150. This flipping circuit board Jen.

151. Some chump has run the data lines

152. right through the power supply.

153. Amateur hour.

154. I've got tears in my eyes.

155. Roy's stuck under a desk.

156. Stuck under a desk?

157. Yes it is an unusual text isn't it?

158. It's not just me.

159. No it's unusual.

160. I'd best investigate.

161. Yes, you investigate I'll hold the fort.

162. Listen I'm really sorry about your hand.

163. I must have cut it when I swooned.

164. I startled you.

165. I didn't know there was anyone else down here.

166. I thought it was just the three of us.

167. I often work nights so perhaps

168. Gosh it's very cold in here isn't it?

169. Mm air conditioning, keeps these things cool.

170. Yes what are they?

171. I have no idea.

172. They put me in charge of them.

173. Moss and Roy.

174. I don't know their names.

175. I mean, I don't know

176. what any of this stuff even does.

177. What's going on there?

178. I don't know.

179. Is it good that it's doing that?

180. Occasionally it doesn't do that

181. and I think I should tell them

182. but often I just look away.

183. And this one, flash, flash, flash, then wait for it,

184. nothing for a while, here it comes, double flash.

185. Brilliant.

186. Wow.

187. It's obvious you're going mad.

188. So let me get this straight,

189. you stay down here all the time?

190. I pop out occasionally when I have to get supplies.

191. And you don't know why you're here or what you do?

192. Correct.

193. this is what you want for a career?

194. No.

195. You don't understand, I'm not here

196. because I want to be here.

197. This is, this is my punishment.

198. You see I used to be Denholm's second in command.

199. Do I amaze you?

200. So how did you end up down here?

201. That's a question I've been asking myself

202. for four long years.

203. Oh, I couldn't help noticing that you're bleeding.

204. Yes no it's fine it's just a little...

205. Just let me, please I can...

206. Oh, my god!

207. Oh, my god! Please excuse...

208. excuse me what are you doing?

209. Get off me! Get off.

210. That should clear up nicely.

211. Yes there was a time

212. when things were very different.

213. I was one of Reynholm Industry's top guys.

214. Should have seen me I was magical.

215. to a group of people circled around me in the board room.

216. I was a wizard, a punchy character.

217. Here's me with a graph.

218. Things were moving fast, so fast.

219. My career was advancing by leaps and bounds.

220. Denholm saw great things for me.

221. They were crazy heady days.

222. It seemed like those days would last forever.

223. But it all changed.

224. Wow, so what happened?

225. Well, it's quite a long story actually.

226. Really? Don't worry about it then.

227. Oh my good gracious me, look at that!

228. Whoa, quick.

229. What is it?

230. I can't explain it, you're just going to have

231. and look out this window for a while.

232. Look whatever it is we're not interested.

233. Well, I have to say you're missing out.

234. Fine.

235. Jiminy Jones look the nature of the thing

236. that is happening has changed slightly.

237. Rendering it yet more interesting.

238. Some day I will tell my kids about this.

239. You can't even tell us,

240. Well you have no interest in the world.

241. Are you sure it's okay to come out?

242. Yeah don't you worry about those two.

243. Now listen Richmond I've always wanted to know,

244. yeah, why do you never see any cockney Goths?

245. They're too cheerful.

246. They spoil it for the rest of us.

247. And how come you never see Goth's driving cars?

248. Oh, we drive cars.

249. except that we listen to Cradle of Filth.

250. Cradle of Filth? I presume that's a band?

251. It's not literally a cradle of filth?

252. Oh, no that would be horrible.

253. one of the best contemporary dark wave bands in the world.

254. I'll never forget the first time I heard them.

255. It changed my life.

256. Blew my mind.

257. It was lucky I discovered them when I did.

258. that things started to go wrong for me at work.

259. I don't know what happened but suddenly people just

260. weren't returning my calls.

261. people seemed distracted, distant.

262. I couldn't put my finger on it,

263. but something was wrong.

264. I tell you it was good to have the Filth to come home

265. to after another disappointing day.

266. You've got to help Roy.

267. Richmond's out of his room.

268. he's supposed to be in his room.

269. Why is he out of his room?

270. Well, he's going to come out

271. and play with us for a while.

272. But the rainforest and...

273. What's up with you Moss?

274. Roy's stuck underneath a ladies desk.

275. Look I know that normally this would be very funny

276. What's a desk rabbit?

277. I just made that up, but that's probably going to be

278. but Roy's not a desk rabbit he's my best friend

279. and unless you do something it'll just be you me

280. and Tim Burton over there.

281. What can I possibly do, I...

282. Look she could look under there any minute,

283. All right, all right. Just to shut you up.

284. Hello, Richmond, how are things?

285. Well, you know, not brilliant.

286. He's supposed to be in his room.

287. Oh, there's a builder outside taking off his shirt.

288. - Like in ads? - Yeah like in ads.

289. Yeah fine yeah I left Moss and Richmond in charge.

290. Good well Moss... Richmond?

291. He's not out of his room is he?

292. it was the only thing that I asked you...

293. What have you got against him?

294. I just don't like him.

295. Oh God, you're just like the rest of them.

296. The people that turn their backs on him as soon as

297. He obviously hasn't told you about the funeral.

298. I think that you should ask him about the funeral.

299. Hello, Denholm.

300. Brilliant. How you doing Jen?

301. Yeah just to say I met Richmond.

302. I see.

303. It's not for me to say Denholm but it sounds like

304. you two had a good relationship at one point.

305. I'll thank you to keep out of this Jen.

306. Goths are people too.

307. Enough!

308. There's absolutely no point to anything.

309. No point, it's all futile, can't even find my cup.

310. You try to look on the bright side.

311. Ha! The bright side.

312. Sometimes you just think what would I actually change

313. if I just killed myself.

314. You're right.

315. I could just kill myself.

316. It would be so easy wouldn't it?

317. So very, very easy.

318. Richmond!

319. What's the point of anything?

320. Quick!

321. Well, you can't come out. You're bringing everyone down.

322. - No I'm not. - Yes he is.

323. - Come on. - Thank you.

324. Okay well then tell her why they sent you down here.

325. - Tell her what you did. - I didn't do anything.

326. So Denholm just demoted you for nothing did he?

327. No, he changed after his father died.

328. I don't think he ever fully recovered.

329. From the moment I saw him at the funeral

330. I could tell there was something different.

331. Bloody good of you to come thanks.

332. Bloody good service wasn't it yeah?

333. Watch your bloody hand.

334. I'm so sorry.

335. Here it's Cradle of Filth, they got me

336. through some pretty bleak times.

337. Try track four, 'Coffin Fodder' it sounds horrible

338. but it's actually quite beautiful.

339. Relationship Manager.

340. Yes. Yes of course.

341. First thing tomorrow.

342. That was Denholm.

343. He wants to see you.

344. What is it?

345. I can't believe you want me back.

346. You've got Jen to thank for that.

347. Her words the other day moved me deeply.

348. Very deeply indeed.

349. Really? What did she say?

350. I can't remember.

351. The point is, it's the effect of her words

352. I now know that treating someone differently

353. just because of the colour of their skin is wrong.

354. can't get back to the way they were.

355. I just don't know what to say.

356. You're back with the big guys Richmond.

357. That's if you prefer to take me on again.

358. You know how demanding I am.

359. You know how changeable I can be.

360. Yes, Mr. Reynholm

361. Oh no, I don't like that, don't do it again.

362. What you mean I have to stay down here?

363. Yes, and leave me alone you goblin!

364. Oh, well I suppose it's not quite so bad now

365. that I don't have to stay in that room.

366. Yes, yes.

367. Well, we're happy to have you.

368. Oh, oh!

369. My milky lens has popped out.

370. Don't step it, you've got to help me find it.

371. Oh, actually I think it's just popped round the back.

372. It does that sometimes.

373. Come on, come on little fella come on.

374. Come on.

375. How about that then?

376. Wow, that looks great.

377. I told you it was a window.

378. Bloody lens. Oh!

379. Oh!

380. It's a bit, I really ought to, oh...

381. Thank God!

382. At least everything is back to normal.

383. As long as no one goes through that door.