The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Season 1, Episode 20

Directed by Jeff Melman

Sherrié Austin as Lady Penelope • Tony Longo as Otis • William Glover as Lord Fowler • Melvin Jones as Tough Guy • William Upton as Bouncer

Fresh Prince Will is on his best behavior for visiting royalty - the seemingly demure Lady Penelope, who Will hopes to persuade to let herself have a good time at a party.

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1. Are you watching TV all day?

2. Ashley, this is for school.

3. Our spokesmodel winner is...

4. Randy!

5. Yes! Yes!

6. I knew she was going to win.

7. I know you two haven't had dates lately,

8. but how desperate can you get?

9. I know how desperate I can get. How about you?

10. Sky's the limit.

11. I better go lock up my Barbies.

12. I don't know, Carlton.

13. It's been forever since I had a girl.

14. Tell me about it.

15. Last Friday,

16. the school nurse started looking good to me.

17. Yeah, there's something about

18. how them fat ankles roll over them squeaky white shoes.

19. Will you get ready for dinner?

20. This girl's going to be here any minute.

21. Girl? Girl?

22. Kayla Samuels.

23. She's a scholarship student,

24. and she has so much potential.

25. She just needs some direction.

26. What's she like?

27. Oh, she's a lovely girl.

28. Red flag.

29. Yo, what's up?

30. Mom's speaking the secret code of mothers everywhere.

31. "Lovely girl" means "get out the milk bones."

32. I'm just looking out for her.

33. Now, make her feel welcome.

34. We will.

35. She's a darling girl

36. with a nice personality.

37. Uh-oh. I know that one.

38. What one?

39. "Nice personality"

40. means she's protected by Greenpeace.

41. What I meant was,

42. Kayla's very interesting.

43. She was a national merit scholar

44. and president of her high school's French club.

45. There you have it.

46. We wouldn't have nothing to talk about.

47. I don't speak no French.

48. Miss Kayla Samuels.

49. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

50. Kayla, you're from New York?

51. That's right.

52. I love New York.

53. 5th Avenue, the Plaza hotel,

54. trump tower.

55. Where abouts are you from?

56. Harlem.

57. Oh.

58. Is it nice?

59. Kayla was valedictorian of her high school.

60. What a coincidence. We're both honor students.

61. But we have more in common.

62. We're both attractive human beings

63. of normal height.

64. Dinner is served.

65. Thank you, Geoffrey.

66. So, uh, who's that English dude?

67. Oh, Geoffrey?

68. He's with my posse.

69. Cuts a nice fade, so I keep him around.

70. Well, don't that make you large.

71. Hoo-oo-oo.

72. Will, what are you trying to do?

73. When you grow up, we'll have that little talk.

74. Some joke.

75. You won't reach first base.

76. To borrow a phrase from your street lingo,

77. she hit you with a pretty hard disk.

78. The word is dis.

79. Well, I don't care whether it's dis, dat, or the other thing.

80. She goes to college.

81. She's a woman.

82. They don't date high schoolers.

83. Look, maybe not out here,

84. but we're both straight out the 'hood.

85. There, age makes no difference.

86. 17, 21, 33—

87. they're all in the same grade.

88. Professor banks, your Shakespeare class is my favorite course.

89. What's your favorite play?

90. Henry v.

91. You know, that's surprising

92. because sequels tend to be a little disappointing.

93. Did you happen to catch rocky v?

94. Anyway...

95. Henry v really deals

96. with Shakespeare's most interesting themes.

97. I've always favored Romeo and Juliet,

98. which is based on the intellectual superiority

99. of servants over those they serve.

100. Well, my favorite Shakespeare play is king lear.

101. The story of a strong, loving father

102. destroyed by his children.

103. Well, Hamlet is my favorite.

104. Really? What's your favorite part.

105. Mother, are you kidding? Mel Gibson in tights?

106. Hamlet does have some of Shakespeare's most compelling poetry.

107. You know, speaking of poetry,

108. do you know who is a very serious poet?

109. The intelligent hoodlum.

110. I just got his tape.

111. Dude be dropping science.

112. I don't think we're covering him this semester.

113. You're doing great, will.

114. Now bring it home.

115. You know,

116. my school went to a musical

117. based on a Shakespeare play. Kiss me Kate.

118. That was based on Shakespeare's

119. taming of the shrew.

120. In our building in west Philly,

121. we had a wild shrew once.

122. Crawled out from under the kitchen sink.

123. Yo, dude was, like, this big.

124. Stole a Smithfield ham from my Uncle Leroy.

125. Not to be rude—

126. no, no. Go ahead.

127. I was invited to my English Professor's home.

128. I was enjoying an interesting discussion.

129. I didn't come to discuss rocky, rap, and rodents.

130. If you're doing this for my benefit,

131. I think it's very juvenile.

132. I'm not in high school.

133. Worked like a charm, will.

134. Philip, have you seen my car keys?

135. How often must we do this?

136. Retrace your steps. When did you last have them?

137. Last night.

138. O.K. When last night?

139. When I said, "yes, Philip, you can borrow my car keys."

140. If you're always losing keys,

141. you should use my system.

142. What's that?

143. I was always losing mine,

144. so I went and had thirty copies made.

145. When one gets lost, I always have another.

146. Next month, I do the same.

147. That's your system?

148. Absolutely. I do the same with our house key.

149. So there are copies all over Los Angeles?

150. Don't worry.

151. I put our name and address on all of them.

152. Come on. We got to find those car keys.

153. Kayla's coming any minute.

154. I'm taking her to a poetry reading at usc.

155. I hate being late.

156. Oh, hold on. Wait.

157. Kayla's coming over here?

158. I don't even want to hear that girl's name.

159. We won't talk about her.

160. Good.

161. You know what my beef with Kayla is?

162. You didn't want to talk about Kayla?

163. There's Kayla.

164. Great. This is great.

165. I'm gone. I'm leaving.

166. Miss Kayla Samuels.

167. We'll leave when I find the car keys.

168. Maybe we should just drive around town

169. and look for hilary's keys.

170. Uh, Kayla.

171. Yes.

172. I want to apologize for my behavior at dinner.

173. I was kidding around,

174. and I took it a little too far.

175. That's o.K.

176. Um...

177. I just have one question.

178. I hope it's not too personal.

179. What is it?

180. Well, have you always been this stuck up,

181. or did it take, like, years of practice?

182. You callin' me stuck up?

183. You the one that's stuck up.

184. Me?

185. Walking around frontin' like you all that.

186. Oh, excuse— excuse me, miss madam.

187. You're the one frontin' like you all that

188. when in actuality, you're about that much of that.

189. You so stuck up,

190. your fingers need an appointment

191. to scratch your damn head.

192. Your mama.

193. Oh, what about my mama?

194. She's so fat, they showed her a picture of her feet,

195. and she couldn't identify them.

196. Oh, o.K. You— you know what?

197. Your mama's so dumb,

198. at the movies, it said "under 17 not admitted,"

199. so she went and got 16 of her friends.

200. I... I shouldn't be talking about your mama.

201. I feel sorry for your mama...

202. Having such an ugly child.

203. Say what?

204. She had to tie a pork chop around your neck

205. just so the dog would play with you.

206. Well, you so ugly,

207. your mama had to feed you with a slingshot.

208. You so ugly, that ain't a fade,

209. that's your hair runnin' away from your face.

210. Oh, really?

211. Well, you know— you so ugly—

212. this is a good one—

213. you are so ugly...

214. That if you—

215. damn, baby. You so fine.

216. I—I would kiss you,

217. but I just had a chili dog.

218. Ah, gug-gug-gug- gug-gug-gug-gug-gug.

219. Happy two-week anniversary, olive oyl.

220. Thank you, popeye.

221. These are really pretty. You shouldn't have.

222. Yeah, that's what my neighbor's gardener said.

223. Man, look like you been studyin' with the hardness.

224. You ever fill your head with so much information

225. you thought it would bust?

226. No.

227. But I once reached the third level of super Mario bros.

228. It was hectic up there.

229. Well, I have a lot more reading to do.

230. Oh, that's cool. I got some stuff to do anyway.

231. Will, I'm studying.

232. So am I.

233. Damn, I'm almost ready for the test.

234. Come on, honey.

235. A big Shakespeare exam's coming up.

236. All right. Let me help you out.

237. O.K. All right.

238. Read anything from this book,

239. and I'll identify the play.

240. All right.

241. You can't cheat.

242. I'll move back.

243. Here goes.

244. You ain't going to never get this one.

245. "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

246. Ah.

247. Ahem.

248. "The weight of this sad time

249. "we must obey.

250. Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say."

251. That is...

252. Um...

253. Albany, act v, scene III,

254. king lear.

255. Damn, you're good.

256. Well, not really.

257. These children have studied Shakespeare since the 9th grade.

258. I'm just catching up.

259. Come on, baby. Stop trippin'.

260. Look, you the smartest girl I ever known.

261. When you use them million dollar words,

262. makes my liver quiver.

263. Thanks, will.

264. You're the only boy that ever appreciated

265. my being sesquipedalian.

266. Meow, baby.

267. Hi, Kayla, hi, will. Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

268. But I probably am...

269. Anyhow, I just wanted to pick upmy checkbook.

270. I have to buy a new outfitfor the frat party on Saturday.

271. - Who's throwing a party? - The guys of sigma sigma gamma.

272. There's gonna be a really cool bandand everyone is going to be there.

273. Come on, baby. That sounds dope. Let's go.

274. - I don't feel like it. - Okay. Bye.

275. How come you didn't want to go?

276. I've been to one of those parties.

277. It's like being on the moon or something.

278. I had nobody to talk to...

279. And I just left after 10 minutes.

280. That's all right. Here, come on.

281. We can go to a party at my fraternity.

282. - Your fraternity? - Yeah, sigma fly.

283. That's right, my dear.I'll be round your place at 8:00.

284. Wear something daring. Surprise me.

285. I'm in a dangerous mood.

286. I thought we'd light a fire, put on a tom Jones album...

287. And after a cognac or two... Test the waters of adventure.

288. Did you know, my dear,I'm an excellent photographer?

289. I hope you're not camera-shy.

290. What?

291. So the draperies will be ready Thursday, goodbye.

292. So the draperies will be ready Thursday, goodbye.

293. so, will, dating an older woman.

294. I'm so proud of you.

295. This is just like Cher and that bagel boy.

296. When you've got a fantastic woman,

297. you feel like a million bucks.

298. I've got a splitting headache.

299. Hey, Carlton,

300. you know, when I have a headache,

301. Kayla breaks out the baby oil

302. and gives me a strong back rub.

303. Then right after that—

304. I don't want to hear this.

305. I'm going to school.

306. You've got another hour.

307. Sometimes there's a girls' volleyball game,

308. and they wear those little shorts...

309. That's really pitiful, isn't it?

310. Miss Kayla Samuels.

311. Prince.

312. Hola, princessa.

313. Oh, you look so good.

314. Yeah, I know.

315. Oh, Kayla.

316. Hi, Professor banks.

317. You weren't in class yesterday.

318. I had cramps.

319. I'm—I'm really sorry.

320. I've been so busy lately.

321. But I will be there next time.

322. So, will, see you tonight

323. at the English department party?

324. Oh, yes. I'll be there.

325. Later, baby.

326. Well, Kayla's been spending a lot of time with you.

327. You know, aunt viv,

328. I'm sort of like a big bag of lay's potato chips.

329. It's like, once you get a taste,

330. you just can't stop.

331. You're certainly like a big old bag of something.

332. Will, honey, listen to me.

333. I just read Kayla's Shakespeare exam.

334. It's below her usual work.

335. Giving her a "d" just kills me.

336. A "d"? Come on. She's smart.

337. But she still has to do the work,

338. which she hasn't been doing lately.

339. One bad grade won't end the world.

340. When your grades slip, you're grounded.

341. We get you on track.

342. If Kayla's slip, goodbye scholarship.

343. She doesn't get another chance.

344. What should I do?

345. Let her have some time alone for her schoolwork.

346. Oh, yeah. This is great.

347. I've been here all these months

348. chasing all these chicken-head girls around,

349. and I find a girl I really like,

350. and you want me to leave her alone?

351. I know Kayla's special,

352. but if you care about her, you have to be responsible.

353. Do what's best for her.

354. Maybe being with me is best for her.

355. I make her happy.

356. You know she wasn't fitting in at that place.

357. I know you're making her happy,

358. but this is her life.

359. This might be the difference

360. between Dr. Kayla Samuels who runs the hospital

361. or just Kayla who cleans it.

362. - You thirsty? - Yeah.

363. That's Dr. Kramer. He's one of my professors.

364. I believe chaucer said it best:

365. "Let every fellow tell his tale about...

366. "And let's see now who shall the supper win.

367. And I thought Carlton's come-on lines were funky.

368. Hello, will, Kayla.

369. Hi, Professor banks.

370. Kayla, don't feel obligated to stay.

371. It's strictly optional.

372. If you have work, leaving's fine.

373. Oh, yeah, I know.

374. I'm just taking a break.

375. Fine. Fine.

376. See you later.

377. Maybe it ain't such a bad idea to go back to your room.

378. I guess this is kind of wack.

379. We can party in my room.

380. I don't have classes till Wednesday.

381. I thought maybe you should go by yourself.

382. Excuse me?

383. You know, we've been seeing each other every minute.

384. Maybe we need time apart.

385. Apart?

386. What are you saying?

387. You breaking up with me?

388. No, no, no. Look,

389. I think you need time to concentrate on your studying.

390. Oh, that is weak.

391. You got a "d" on your last exam.

392. Did your auntie tell you that,

393. that I got one bad grade?

394. Look, Kayla, you have a big opportunity here.

395. I want no part of you blowing it.

396. It's my big opportunity.

397. Everybody keeps telling me that.

398. I do not need to hear it from you.

399. Uh, the answer is "c."

400. I'm not sure what you're studying,

401. but with multiple choice, you can't go wrong with "c."

402. Come on, Kayla. Look,

403. I didn't say the right things—

404. what are you saying, will?

405. You want me to study, I'm studying.

406. Why are you here?

407. I want to be alone.

408. Can I come in?

409. I guess that won't be happening tonight.

410. Kayla, don't be angry with will.

411. I told him you shouldn't spend so much time together.

412. You did what?

413. You're not my legal guardian.

414. How would you feel if someone

415. interfered with your life?

416. Just face it, Professor,

417. you fit in here.

418. I don't.

419. I think I should go.

420. Will, I want you to stay.

421. Look, I didn't always fit in.

422. Let me—

423. let me say something.

424. I got four older sisters,

425. all mamas before they was 18.

426. None finished high school.

427. Everybody's waiting for Kayla.

428. I'm the last chance for the whole damn family,

429. and you have no idea what that feels like.

430. I know what that feels like...

431. And how it feels to clean hotel rooms and go to night school

432. just to graduate from high school.

433. You dropped out of high school?

434. It's not something I'm proud of,

435. but I did it.

436. My whole family was counting on me, too,

437. but I couldn't handle the pressure,

438. so I left with some guy and quit school.

439. Before I saw my mistake, it was too late.

440. I was left with no education

441. and nothing I was qualified to do.

442. It took me years to get back.

443. If you wonder why I fit so well,

444. it's because I worked damn hard,

445. and I know I deserve it.

446. Your problem is, you don't know you deserve it.

447. Will knows it and I know it,

448. but unless you know it,

449. there's nothing more I can say.

450. See you at home, will.

451. Man...

452. I didn't know aunt viv cleaned hotel rooms.

453. Wonder how come she never cleaned my room?

454. You all right, babe?

455. It's scary here.

456. Come on. You're going to make it.

457. If there's anything I can do...

458. Or not do,

459. I will do...

460. Or not do.

461. That sounds good.

462. Well, I got, um...

463. Three weeks of goofing off to make up for,

464. so I'm going to hit the books.

465. Yeah. I'll stay out your way.

466. We both have a new leaf to turn over, huh?

467. Yeah, you're right.

468. I'll call you?

469. O.K.

470. Later, baby.

471. Later.

472. Hmm.

473. Out, out. Out.