The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1x20

Directed by Jeff Melman

Sherrié Austin as Lady Penelope • Tony Longo as Otis • William Glover as Lord Fowler • Melvin Jones as Tough Guy • William Upton as Bouncer

Fresh Prince Will is on his best behavior for visiting royalty - the seemingly demure Lady Penelope, who Will hopes to persuade to let herself have a good time at a party.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. A hundred and sixty-three?

2. Oh, this whole page is wrong.

3. - Geoffrey. - I'm sorry, Miss Ashley.

4. But I'm trying to keep this place tidy.

5. Lord Fowler and his daughter Lady Penelope

6. will be here at any moment.

7. Well, why are so you nervous about it?

8. Lord Fowler gave me my first job

9. as a full-fledged butler.

10. And he's very important men in Britain.

11. Oh. Well, I wouldn't want to embarrass you.

12. British people have really good manners.

13. Ashley, I used to be intimidated by the British.

14. I thought they were superior in taste

15. style, and breeding. And then I saw Benny Hill.

16. Master Carlton.

17. First of all, I likeBenny Hill.

18. Secondly, while Lord Fowler is here, I must ask you

19. to keep wisecracks like that to yourself.

20. During his stay, I want all of you children

21. to maintain an air of quiet dignity.

22. Geoffrey, mon.

23. Do da limbo with me.

24. This is precisely what cannot happen

25. when Lord Fowler arrives.

26. Yo, G. What's my name?

27. The prince, right?

28. I know how to deal with royalty.

29. Don't worry. I'll be at the peak of Schweppervescence.

30. Hey, check it out. You be the English dude.

31. Very well. Please to meet you, William.

32. And I am honored to meet you, Lord Fowler.

33. Ow!

34. Aunt Vivian.

35. Beautiful American woman.

36. What you tinkin' you're up to, boy?

37. Alright, alright, check it out, Aunt Viv.

38. Ziggy Marley's in concert next weekend and I was wondering

39. maybe I can use the car?

40. Well, where's the concert gonna be?

41. - Just around the corner. - Where around the corner?

42. Nevada.

43. Forget it, baby.

44. Uncle Phil, mon.

45. You are generous, fair-minded, and very, very sexy.

46. Will, you have already gotten your allowance.

47. For that, I am very thankful, mon.

48. He wants to drive to see Ziggy Marley concert in Nevada.

49. Oh, that's an easy one. No.

50. Oh, come on, Uncle Phil. Why not?

51. Because every time you take that car to a concert

52. something happens to it.

53. Like what?

54. A mysterious dent, a broken taillight

55. a mural of Nia Peeples painted on the side.

56. Look, I swear to you guys, that was on the car when I got in it.

57. Will, you're not responsible enough to drive

58. to a concert in Nevada.

59. Alright, if in this next week I can prove to you

60. that I'm responsible, will you let me go?

61. Sounds like a low-risk proposition. You're on.

62. That's Lord Fowler.

63. - Lord Fowler. - Geoffrey.

64. And Lady Penelope. My, you look lovely.

65. - Thank you, Geoffrey. - Oh..

66. And this is Mr. and Mrs. Banks.

67. - How do you do? - Very nice to meet you.

68. - How was your flight? - Oh..

69. It was a bit choppy and quite long.

70. And of course, the food was horrid

71. and you know, the movie was a dreadful bore.

72. I wouldn't want to make that journey too often.

73. No, I should think not.

74. Won't you come in?

75. Philip, why are you talking like that?

76. Like what?

77. That ridiculous British accent.

78. Whenever you're around an English person

79. you slip right into it.

80. The first three months Geoffrey was here

81. I could barely understand you.

82. I have no idea what are you talking about?

83. 'Sir, madam. Care to join us for tea?'

84. Right-o.

85. Lady Penelope. Wow. It must be great being a lady.

86. I mean, spending all your time shopping

87. going to lunch with friends and just sitting around

88. being waited on hand and foot.

89. I wonder what that would be like.

90. One can only imagine.

91. Actually, I go to a small convent school

92. and the nuns work us hard.

93. We scrub the floors and cook the meals.

94. And on the weekends, we do all the laundry.

95. Ew. What a gyp.

96. Well, we're looking forward to taking you to dinner tonight.

97. Oh, splendid. Dinner will be a perfect time for me to bring you

98. all up to date on the new bills pending before Parliament.

99. We've made some fascinating strides

100. in maritime legislation.

101. I'll go into greater details at dinner.

102. Is tonight a school night?

103. No. I already thought of that.

104. Mr. and Mrs. Banks, I hope I'm not being terribly rude

105. but I was really counting on seeing the opera tonight.

106. Oh, but, my dear, I don't want you going out alone

107. in a strange city. Um, you'll need an escort.

108. An escort. You mean a responsible escort.

109. A young man who could take Lady Penelope out tonight

110. and return her home safe and sound.

111. The same type of young man who could be trusted

112. to drive to a Ziggy Marley concert in Nevada.

113. Well, I suppose so.

114. Would you really take me, Will?

115. Oh, absolutely.

116. If it's alright with Uncle Phil.

117. Okay, Will. You may take Lady Penelope to the opera.

118. Opera? I thought she said "Oprah."

119. Oh, "Spiderman'comics

120. watchman

121. gibba, gibba, goobers.

122. Raisinets.

123. What are you doing?

124. Uh, packing.

125. Where do you think you're going?

126. To the opera.

127. Did you see what I did with my spitball straw?

128. Now, you just listen to me, you irresponsible vagabond.

129. I want you on your best behavior tonight.

130. No. Let me revise that.

131. I want you on a normal person's best behavior.

132. Ooh, Mr. Belvesneer.

133. G, the whole point of tonight is to prove

134. that I'm responsible.

135. I mean, how hard can it be?

136. I'll take her to the opera, cop a few Zs

137. bring her back home. This weekend I'm with Ziggy.

138. Master William, I just hope you recognize

139. the seriousness of the task at hand.

140. G, why are you tripping? She's just a girl.

141. Just a girl?

142. Master William, if 895 members

143. of the royal family instantly died

144. she would be the next queen of England!

145. Now, where does that put me?

146. But the astounding thing about the fisheries

147. and hatcheries act of 1624

148. is hardly the bill itself, but rather its unique place

149. in the entire 800-year history

150. of maritime legislation.

151. I'll go into greater detail at the restaurant.

152. Does this restaurant have a bar?

153. If it doesn't, we'll build one.

154. I can't believe Geoffrey has done this to us.

155. This is going to be the longest night of our lives.

156. The only thing that'll make it better is knowing

157. Will has to sit through an opera.

158. At this point, that's the only thing I have to cling to.

159. Well, I don't feel so good.

160. Don't even try it, Ashley. We're all in this together.

161. Father, have a lovely time at dinner.

162. Mm. Thank you, my dear.

163. - And I hope enjoy the opera. - I shall, father.

164. I always find the opera so uplifting.

165. - Goodbye, Geoffrey. - Goodbye, Lady Penelope.

166. Master William.

167. Do not forget what I said to you.

168. Goodbye, father dear. I shall miss you.

169. Oh, I thought the old buzzard would never leave.

170. Will, got a smoke?

171. - Excuse me? - A cigarette.

172. I've been dying for a one all day.

173. Nah, I don't have any cigarettes.

174. I don't smoke and you shouldn't either. It's bad for you.

175. Oh, sod off, mother superior.

176. Hey, hey, hey, don't nobody call me a mother nothin'.

177. Yo, what's up with you? Who you, Dr. Jekyll and Patty Duke?

178. Will, don't be such a wanker.

179. I only put on that innocent schoolgirl routine

180. for the old man.

181. Routine? You've been lying to the Lord?

182. Whenever we go to the city, I tell my father that I'm dying

183. to go to the opera knowing full well that he detests it.

184. That way, I can hit the clubs.

185. And I thought we'd go downtown to the Meat Hook.

186. The Meat Hook?

187. That's the roughest bar in LA.

188. Super. That's what Lady Cicely told me. Let's go.

189. Whoa, whoa, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

190. Baby, you ain't going nowhere.

191. Geoffrey put me in charge of you.

192. So you can just shake your royal booty on up them steps.

193. Will, you can't boss me around. You're not a nun.

194. See, h-hold it. See, now that's where you made your mistake.

195. See, I'm a plainclothes nun.

196. Yeah, that's right. They call me Sister Sledge.

197. Oh, pooh. I hate you.

198. You've just ruined my whole night!

199. You've ruined everything.

200. Man, this babysitting thing is easy.

201. Hey! Lady, come back with my car!

202. Yo, man. Should I get the bouncer?

203. I am the bouncer.

204. Follow the red queen. Keep your eyes on the red card.

205. Ten will get you twenty. Who saw it?

206. Come on, boys, don't be shy. 10 will get you 20.

207. Aw.

208. Will. Awfully glad you could make it.

209. Feel lucky? 10 will get you 20.

210. No way. Look, we're out of here.

211. Forget it. This place is a blast.

212. The people here are so interesting.

213. Yeah. I think I saw that guy on'Unsolved Mysteries."

214. Look, Lady Penelope, we are going home.

215. Oh, no, I'm not.

216. Oh, I'm mad about this song. Dance with me, Will.

217. I'm not dancing with you.

218. Loosen up, homes. Come on. Get up and dance.

219. - Shake your money-maker. - Look, look, Lady Penelope..

220. I got a Ziggy Marley concert on the line. Let's go.

221. You can't touch this.

222. Go, lady! Go, lady!

223. Go, lady! Go, lady!

224. Go, lady! Go, lady!

225. Will you get down from here?

226. - Hi, Otis. - Hey, punk.

227. You're dancing with my woman.

228. No, no, you got it all wrong. I'm not dancing with her.

229. I'm trying to get her to go home with me.

230. - I'll bet you are. - What?

231. Yo, man, what are you, crazy? Back up!

232. Back up!

233. So that brings us up to 1907

234. which in maritime law circles has come to be known

235. as "The Year of the Trout."

236. I saw that sweater first.

237. Excuse me.

238. Lord Fowler.

239. Wasn't there quite a row

240. in the House of Lords in 1912

241. when they repealed the Tuna Laws?

242. Oh, Geoffrey, that's a very long story.

243. It all began in 1910.

244. Sir, before you continue

245. would anyone care for anything?

246. A lobotomy.

247. Well, perhaps a drop of sherry, Geoffrey.

248. So, anyway, as I was saying I recently

249. 'came upon a very interesting article on the subject..'

250. Hoo.

251. Hoo.

252. Meow.

253. Me-ow!

254. Ooh, ooh ooh ooh, ah ah ah ah ah ah.

255. '... 1910 brought a tuna shortage'

256. 'to the southern shores of Cornwall'

257. 'Penzance in particular.'

258. 'The vote, which should interest you was as follows..'

259. 'D.E. Chesterton, yea.'

260. 'Sir Rudolf Tetherbury..'

261. Master William. What are you doing here?

262. Why aren't you with Lady Penelope at the opera?

263. Opera? G, she's never seen an opera in her life. G..

264. I'm telling you, G, she's been fronting the whole time.

265. How dare you besmirch the reputation of a British lady.

266. G, the lady is a tramp.

267. She, she stole the car

268. she snuck out to the roughest bar in town

269. and then she hooked up with a human Godzilla.

270. Master William, are you telling me the truth?

271. I swear on a stack of'TV Guides."

272. Master William, if we don't bring her home safe and sound

273. Lord Fowler will never forgive me.

274. Your Uncle will lose faith in me.

275. I'll never work again, and my career will be ruined.

276. Can we try to keep this in perspective here, G?

277. I'm not going to get to see Ziggy.

278. We must go to that bar and get her back.

279. To the Batmobile.

280. Shame on Lady Penelope.

281. When she was a little girl, I always told her

282. there is no excuse for lying.

283. Milord, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

284. My cousin Roddy has just been suddenly struck with malaria.

285. I must go to quarantine immediately.

286. Yo, G, this is a rough crowd.

287. Y-you gotta watch what you say around here.

288. What do you mean, thank you?

289. Ahh!

290. G. That's the guy that Lady P was dancing with.

291. But where's Lady Penelope?

292. He could be hiding her in his fist.

293. I shall have to have a word with him.

294. - Careful, G. - Not to worry.

295. I know how to handle his sort.

296. Ahem.

297. What have you done with Lady Penelope

298. you knuckle-dragging swine?

299. She's gone.

300. Gone?

301. Yeah.

302. She broke up with me.

303. Where is she?

304. Really, I don't know.

305. She said she wanted to go for a ride

306. so I took her to the parking lot and put her on my bike.

307. And then I turned around to spit

308. and the next thing I know, she took off on my Harley.

309. Hey, hey, man, I-I know how you feel.

310. Hey, G, we better keep looking.

311. Nonsense. The man's a liar.

312. Tell us what you've done with Lady Penelope

313. or I shall be forced to thrash you.

314. Don't press him, G. You saw what he did to Tokyo.

315. Don't worry, Master William.

316. In my youth, I was quite

317. a Greco-Roman wrestler.

318. Yaah!

319. So then Churchill said to the king

320. "You're ugly."

321. To which the king replied "And you, sir, are fat."

322. Or was it the other way round?

323. Anyhow, they went on like that for hours.

324. Are you sure there isn't any more sherry?

325. Anyway, this dispute took place

326. at the height of the Flounder Rebellion.

327. - Mommy? - Oh, God bless you sweetheart.

328. - What's the matter, baby? - I can't sleep.

329. Just sit around here for a little while.

330. I'll take you up, baby.

331. You're not going anywhere, woman.

332. Sorry, mommy, I tried.

333. Try again in 10 minutes.

334. - Now, where was I? - Oh, God..

335. If you don't know, I have no idea.

336. G, how are we going to tell Lord Fowler

337. we lost his daughter?

338. I'll break the news, Master William. You're young.

339. You have your whole life ahead of you.

340. It's best I bear the brunt of the punishment.

341. You got a point there. Good luck.

342. Geoffrey, how's your cousin Roddy?

343. I regret to tell you, I have no cousin Roddy.

344. Damn malaria.

345. No. You don't understand.

346. What I'm about to tell you is very difficult to say.

347. Oh, Geoffrey, it's not more gambling debts, is it?

348. I-I thought we had that productive chat.

349. Sir, it isn't that. It's about this evening.

350. And I have to accept full responsibility.

351. Yo, G. Hold up. Uh..

352. I can't let you go out like this, man.

353. This is all my fault.

354. Will, why aren't you at the opera with Lady Penelope?

355. Alright, alright, tonight my plan was to take her

356. to the opera and return her home safe and sound.

357. But Lady Penelope had other plans

358. and it just didn't work out like that.

359. Hello, all. I had a smashing time tonight.

360. Ah, my dear, how was the opera?

361. Oh, it was the most wonderful opera I've seen.

362. - Well, why wasn't Will there? - Oh, but he was.

363. And he was the perfect escort.

364. But around the third act, I could see Will was starting

365. to fade, so I told the poor dear to go on home.

366. He left me with more than enough cab fare.

367. Thank you so much, Will.

368. You're good.

369. So, what's all the fuss about?

370. Will made it up to the third act

371. which is more than I could have done.

372. An evening of opera. I can't imagine anything more boring.

373. I can.

374. Geoffrey, I'm surprised at you

375. getting all hot and bothered

376. just because the boy ducked out early.

377. It's nothing compared with your old exploits.

378. There's no need to go into that, Milord.

379. I seem to recall a time that you were once caught in the gazebo

380. after that randy game of strip croquet.

381. But, uh, I've told enough stories for one evening.

382. No, no. I want to hear this one.

383. No, no. It's late. Perhaps next visit.

384. No. Now. We've earned it.

385. No. No. I'm sorry.

386. You know, that's the mark of a great storyteller

387. always leave them wanting more.

388. Goodnight, Geoffrey. Night-night, Will.

389. Next time I'm in town, we'll have to go to the ballet.

390. Yeah. I'm looking forward to that. Ahem.

391. Well, Will, you certainly proved that you're responsible.

392. - That's right. - Mm-hm.

393. You took Lady Penelope out and you brought her back

394. without a hair out of place just like you promised.

395. Yep. Just like I promised.

396. So, I guess you can use the car next weekend after all.

397. Thank, thanks a lot, Uncle Phil.

398. Just one thing, Will, out of curiosity.

399. Since that explanation that Lady Penelope rattled off

400. was obviously a complete crock

401. what really did happen tonight?

402. Well... you should sit down.

403. It's going to be a long story, Uncle Phil.

404. Oh, no. No, no, no. Never mind.

405. Enjoy the concert.