The Eric Andre Show 4x4

Directed by

Tichina Arnold as Self • Steve Schirripa as Self • Ariel Pink as Self

Actress Tichina Arnold and actor Steve Shirripa are interviewed; Ariel Pink performs..

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, "The Eric Andre Show"!

2. Yeah.

3. I'm not here to rant, you know?

4. I'm not gonna get into it.

5. But you know what? I am gonna get into it.

6. Hannibal, it's people like you who leech

7. off the American taxpayer,

8. looking for an undeserved handout!

9. What?

10. You've been sucking on the government's teat,

11. Uncle Sam's,

12. and Lady Liberty's boobs for way too long!

13. I make way more money than you do.

14. Hey, Hannibal, what is that, an African name?

15. A Muslim name?

16. A hermaphrodite name?

17. Are you an African-Muslim hermaphrodite?

18. I mean, Sri Lankan law is right around the corner, people!

19. What's the fastest road to God's house?

20. In about two seconds, I'll be up in heaven

21. eating spaghetti with Jesus and Ronald Reagan.

22. They're both in hell, bitch.

23. Yeah, I'm gonna have to write you up, man?

24. You didn't read the sign.

25. The sign said I have to pee on your car.

26. Oh, God! I drank too much coffee.

27. These are the new rules we live by.

28. Please don't look at me while I'm urinating.

29. All right, bud, got ya. - For what?

30. - You didn't read the sign. - What's it say?

31. I got to pee on your car now. Now I'm urinating on your car.

32. - You kidding me? - Yeah.

33. Why are you peeing on my car.

34. My ego is out of control.

35. - You're an asshole. - Look, I'm peeing on the car.

36. - What the are you doing? - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

37. Don't touch me. Nothing gives you that right.

38. - It does give me that right. - That's sexual harassment.

39. What, are you gonna take out a gun and shoot me?

40. Ladies and gentlemen, you know her from "Martin."

41. Please give it up for Tichina Arnold!

42. Hi, everybody!

43. Hi!

44. I love you!

45. Should I sit down?

46. Yeah.

47. Hi.

48. - You're stunning. - Hi, guys.

49. Hi, everybody.

50. You got a husband?

51. Yeah, I do.

52. On the books or off the books?

53. On and off the books.

54. 'Cause I'm a freak.

55. Yeah!

56. Oh, no.

57. I had a prostate exam.

58. - Really? - That's good, though.

59. That's good.

60. Yeah, man, you need your prostate checked.

61. - No, that's — - My doctor...

62. I was — I was like on my knees, had my elbows up on the thing.

63. And he slipped something in. I'm like, "Oh!"

64. And I looked back, and both of his hands were in the air.

65. Okay.

66. And I go, "What kind of doctor is this

67. and why would we meet in an alleyway?"

68. Yeah, baby!

69. Yeah! Do I make you horn —

70. What am I doing right now?

71. - Now, uh... - Oh, my God.

72. You were on a controversial show called "Everybody Hates Kikes,"

73. about Chris Rock's childhood.

74. Why did they go with that title?

75. They didn't go with that title.

76. It was "Everybody HatesChris."

77. But you stood up for that previous alternative title.

78. It's really kind of — it's kind of hot.

79. Is everybody else hot? - No, no, no.

80. Is this — okay, thank you.

81. That's very sweet of you. Thank you.

82. It's time for darkness!

83. Darkness?

84. Okay, what's happening right now?

85. How many kids you got?

86. One. I have one child.

87. - She's 11 years old. - Uh-huh.

88. She's a dancer and a singer.

89. - Hannibal's got kids. - Hannibal, you have —

90. Shit!

91. Ooh, which one is the real me?

92. Hey, man, we're plagiarizing YouTube,

93. 'cause we're out of ideas.

94. - Get the out of here. - Yo, man.

95. You got your hands in my face!

96. Play with my dick. Brother jerks him off.

97. Your trying to touch my dick?

98. I hate myself, I hate myself. I want to die!

99. Kill me!

100. Get out of my way!

101. I got to get a new fake asshole.

102. I'm just looking for something simple to jack off to?

103. Are you seriously still videotaping in here?

104. I didn't want to be videotaped, either.

105. I came in here to get porn and jack off.

106. Go, so go! I'm trying to shop in this store.

107. I'm an American! - Get outside.

108. - Get the — - I'm agreeing with you.

109. I think we're on the same wavelength here.

110. I can't — I'm stuck!

111. I really am stuck.

112. Clear!

113. I'm an Aries.

114. Oh, I'm a Cancer.

115. I'm gassy.

116. What was the worst audition you ever had?

117. Ooh, oh, gosh, it was a Spike Lee movie.

118. Oh, "Do the Right Thing"?

119. No, not "Do the Right Thing."

120. Oh, uh — - "He Got Game"?

121. No — Shit!

122. me!

123. Oh, no! Oh, no!

124. - Oh, yeah, we got a — - Hell no!

125. No, we got a bad roach problem. Are those real?

126. - Yeah.

127. - I don't do those. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

128. We got a bug problem.

129. Game over. I'm getting in my car.

130. I have, like, a few more questions.

131. That's where I draw the line.

132. Oh,

133. Stop! Stop playing!

134. Y'all know I'm on edge!

135. Oh, God!

136. Why did I agree to do this show?

137. You are the first to see the work of a remarkable artist.

138. This one is my personal favorite.

139. I love Adolf Hitler.

140. He was a very misunderstood man.

141. He killed over 15,000 people in one day.

142. In one day?

143. That's a good thing.

144. I love everything this piece says.

145. This piece was very controversial up until 9/11.

146. Now this is called "The Shaming of the Whore."

147. This art sucks!

148. This one's for Bradley Cooper!

149. Are you ready to sign up on Go-Army. America?

150. Hey, what's your log-in info?

151. I don't think he wants to join the Army.

152. Damn it. Do you know what the wi-fi password is?

153. Join the Army.

154. You know him from "The Sopranos."

155. He's here to promote his new pasta sauce.

156. Steve Schirripa!

157. Holy shit, he's huge!

158. How are ya, man?

159. - Holy shit. - How you doing?

160. Sit your big ass down.

161. Damn, I can smell you from here, Eric.

162. No disrespect, but you do smell.

163. What are you up to?

164. You know, I got a show on IFC.

165. - Look at you. - Called "Benders."

166. - Band-aids? - "Benders."

167. - "Benders"? - "Benders."

168. And you go on a bender, you get all drunk and loopy.

169. No, no, about hockey players and stuff.

170. Oh!

171. And, you know, I got a sauce out —

172. Uncle Steve's Pasta Sauce. I'll send you some.

173. Yeah? It's a marinara?

174. - Marinara. - Good.

175. Can you crack these nuts for me?

176. Sure, man.

177. - There you go, yeah. - Shit!

178. What, uh — you want to hold onto this?

179. Sure, man, uh...

180. They used to call me

181. Sucking Joe" in college.

182. - Really? - I was crazy.

183. Where did you go to school at?

184. I was pranking all the guys.

185. Where did you go to school at?

186. I'd put on lipstick and a wig,

187. and I was sucking off the professor.

188. Are you gay?

189. As long as it's got a little mush in there.

190. - You don't care? - Nah.

191. I don't mean no disrespect —

192. Can we do a commercial for your pasta sauce?

193. Sure. Get that naked P.A. out here right now!

194. Do the commercial for Steve's sauce!

195. Uncle Steve's Pasta Sauce.

196. Pasta so good you can taste it with your balls.

197. With your balls, not your penis.

198. Get it right! Get out of here, pal.

199. Get out of here now!

200. Come on, man.

201. You're

202. I don't like the way you use my sauce. I'll be honest.

203. Well, some customers are gonna use it for those purposes.

204. No, they're not gonna use it for that.

205. There's a whole market you're not tapped into.

206. Why do you keep giving me ice for now?

207. guys are irritating.

208. Yeah.

209. Irritating.

210. I don't want that no more.

211. It's a little torturous. It's hot.

212. I'm sweating like a farm animal here.

213. Hello, Steve's penis.

214. Have you been lying dormant for years?

215. Get the away

216. Wait. Hey, wait!

217. Wait, wait! - Don't touch me.

218. You got to trust me.

219. You got to trust me on this.

220. I'm gonna be the first guest to you up.

221. I love your energy.

222. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

223. What are you doing?

224. I'm trying to pee on you car!

225. I have the ultimate power.

226. - No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

227. idiot. - Yeah, I'm the king of the city.

228. Why are you doing this?

229. Join the Army!

230. Mmm!

231. Ladies and gentlemen, Ariel Pink.

232. Now it's time for Ariel Stinks!

233. Now it's time for Ariel Plink 182!

234. Now it's time for Ariel NSYNC!

235. On and on, on and on.

236. You got it, you got it, you got it!

237. - Whoo!

238. Abso-lutely.

239. - Nothing gives you that right. - It does give me that right.