1. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
2. it's "the Eric Andre show"!Copy !req
3. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
4. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
5. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
6. Aaaaaaaah!Copy !req
7. Ohh!Copy !req
8. Yeah. Ahh!Copy !req
9. Come on in, Andrew!Copy !req
10. Hey! How are ya?Copy !req
11. How you doing?Copy !req
12. I'm good.Copy !req
13. Ohhhhhhhhh!Copy !req
14. Go for it.Copy !req
15. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
16. Get away from me!Copy !req
17. Get away from me!Copy !req
18. Ugh!Copy !req
19. What up?Copy !req
20. Yo, check it out.Copy !req
21. I don't got to run up to theCopy !req
22. microphone anymore.Copy !req
23. I got one of those "Star Trek"Copy !req
24. transporters.Copy !req
25. Ugh.Copy !req
26. Ohh. Ohh! Ohhh!Copy !req
27. Ewwww! Beam him back!Copy !req
28. Beam him back! Aah!Copy !req
29. Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!Copy !req
30. How'd I do?Copy !req
31. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
32. Aaaaaah!Copy !req
33. Aaaah!Copy !req
34. Hey, you want to see somethingCopy !req
35. cool?Copy !req
36. Cops don't give a shit anymore!Copy !req
37. Ugh! Yeah!Copy !req
38. Whoo!Copy !req
39. Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
40. What are you doing?Copy !req
41. What are you doing?Copy !req
42. What?Copy !req
43. You're doing some cool-assCopy !req
44. shit.Copy !req
45. That's what you're doing!Copy !req
46. Yeah, man! Help me out!Copy !req
47. Aaaah!Copy !req
48. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!Copy !req
49. New York, New York!Copy !req
50. Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
51. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
52. Ohhh.Copy !req
53. Ladies and gentlemen, you knowCopy !req
54. him from the "Jersey shore"...Copy !req
55. Pauly d!Copy !req
56. Phew!Copy !req
57. Where are we living now...Copy !req
58. Rhode Island, New Jersey?Copy !req
59. I'm in las Vegas, Nevada.Copy !req
60. Vegas?Copy !req
61. Yeah.Copy !req
62. We envy you, man!Copy !req
63. Thanks, man!Copy !req
64. Yeah, man.Copy !req
65. You were smashing...Copy !req
66. Like crazy.Copy !req
67. Yeah. I mean...Copy !req
68. What, you never hooked upCopy !req
69. with snooki?Copy !req
70. You never put, like, a tip ofCopy !req
71. marinara on your dick hole whenCopy !req
72. she's on her moon cycle...Copy !req
73. What theCopy !req
74. just for solidarity?Copy !req
75. Nah.Copy !req
76. What kind of nips do youCopy !req
77. like?Copy !req
78. You like, like, spread-outCopy !req
79. pepperones, or you like thatCopy !req
80. tart laser diamond?Copy !req
81. Yeah.Copy !req
82. The bigger, the better.Copy !req
83. You want, like, most of theCopy !req
84. breast covered up?Copy !req
85. Yup.Copy !req
86. Your mom is Paula deen.Copy !req
87. Who said that?Copy !req
88. That's what it says in myCopy !req
89. notes.Copy !req
90. They must be misinformed.Copy !req
91. I don't know!Copy !req
92. > >Who told you that?Copy !req
93. Maybe it's a typo.Copy !req
94. I don't know, dude.Copy !req
95. Paula deen, Paula d.Copy !req
96. Paula d, pauly d?Copy !req
97. That's fantastic.Copy !req
98. Huh?Copy !req
99. I'm Panicking.Copy !req
100. What?Copy !req
101. It's time to playCopy !req
102. "guess the celebrity"!Copy !req
103. ♪ gue-e-e-ssCopy !req
104. Um...Copy !req
105. Um..Copy !req
106. Ugh! A hot dog.Copy !req
107. I hate mail.Copy !req
108. I just started reading otherCopy !req
109. people's mail.Copy !req
110. I don't care.Copy !req
111. You ever read other people'sCopy !req
112. mail?Copy !req
113. It's all junk.Copy !req
114. Mail. Mail.Copy !req
115. Mail. Mail. Mail.Copy !req
116. It's junk!Copy !req
117. Is that somebody's birthdayCopy !req
118. card?Copy !req
119. Yeah! $5 for me.Copy !req
120. Look.Copy !req
121. Here's somebody's coned bill.Copy !req
122. Guess what... lights out.Copy !req
123. Jesus. This mail's actuallyCopy !req
124. getting me horny.Copy !req
125. Look at that!Copy !req
126. I knew I took this job forCopy !req
127. something.Copy !req
128. I'm done with this mail!Copy !req
129. I hate all mail!Copy !req
130. I hate mail!Copy !req
131. I got heelys on.Copy !req
132. I mean, my dad's butthole...Copy !req
133. that's weird.Copy !req
134. I saw it in the mirror onceCopy !req
135. when I was little.Copy !req
136. For real?Copy !req
137. Ugh.Copy !req
138. That's weird.Copy !req
139. Hell, yeah.Copy !req
140. Ladies and gentlemen, my nextCopy !req
141. guest... pauly d!Copy !req
142. What the...?Copy !req
143. What the hell?Copy !req
144. Yeah! Hey!Copy !req
145. Now, pauly...Copy !req
146. There's something going onCopy !req
147. here.Copy !req
148. We should jump them.Copy !req
149. Frederick douglassCopy !req
150. never dropped an album!Copy !req
151. What does that mean?Copy !req
152. Just clap.Copy !req
153. I can dig.Copy !req
154. I can dig it.Copy !req
155. I dig it.Copy !req
156. Right?Copy !req
157. I dig it!Copy !req
158. Right...Copy !req
159. On the nose.Copy !req
160. Right... On the nose!Copy !req
161. I can't do it!Copy !req
162. In the... in the...Copy !req
163. what does that mean?Copy !req
164. What's the word?Copy !req
165. Get it out!Copy !req
166. Get it out!Copy !req
167. Get it out!Copy !req
168. What's the word?Copy !req
169. What's the word?Copy !req
170. What's the word?Copy !req
171. What's the word?Copy !req
172. What's the word?Copy !req
173. What's the word?Copy !req
174. What's the word?Copy !req
175. What's the word?Copy !req
176. What's the word?Copy !req
177. What's the word?Copy !req
178. What's the word?Copy !req
179. What's the...Copy !req
180. I don't know!Copy !req
181. Word! Word! Word! Word!Copy !req
182. Word! Word! Word!Copy !req
183. What's the most moneyCopy !req
184. you've ever gambled onCopy !req
185. Blackjack?Copy !req
186. What?Copy !req
187. Take it easy!Copy !req
188. I get crazy if youCopy !req
189. mention blackja-a-a-a-a-a-a-ck.Copy !req
190. Drink some of that tea.Copy !req
191. You're making himCopy !req
192. crazy!Copy !req
193. Drink some of that ball-bagCopy !req
194. tea!Copy !req
195. I was born a woman!Copy !req
196. I was born a woman!Copy !req
197. What the hell is goingCopy !req
198. on with him?Copy !req
199. I was born a woman!Copy !req
200. I was born a woman!Copy !req
201. I knew it!Copy !req
202. You want to make it in thisCopy !req
203. Business or not?Copy !req
204. I'm doing much better thanCopy !req
205. you.Copy !req
206. Christ.Copy !req
207. Shut up. Shut up.Copy !req
208. Knock it off.Copy !req
209. Shhh! Shut up.Copy !req
210. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
211. Mind your business!Copy !req
212. This is public property!Copy !req
213. That is a person in there!Copy !req
214. No, it's not!Copy !req
215. It's a toy for my nephew!Copy !req
216. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
217. Get out of here.Copy !req
218. I'm not gonna not worryCopy !req
219. about it.Copy !req
220. Shut the up.Copy !req
221. You shut the up!Copy !req
222. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
223. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
224. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!Copy !req
225. Shut up!Copy !req
226. [ People singing in nativeCopy !req
227. How come a wolf is the onlyCopy !req
228. thing that can be a "were"?Copy !req
229. There's no wereowl orCopy !req
230. werespider.Copy !req
231. Werewolf... I think it's justCopy !req
232. more about the alliteration moreCopy !req
233. than anything else.Copy !req
234. So, it could...Copy !req
235. Werewalrus.Copy !req
236. Werewallaby.Copy !req
237. Were...Copy !req
238. Wolf.Copy !req
239. Hannibal, you think we shouldCopy !req
240. just beat the shit out ofCopy !req
241. Rick Springfield?Copy !req
242. "Jessie's girl"?Copy !req
243. Yeah!Copy !req
244. The end of "boogie nights"?Copy !req
245. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
246. Hey, can we get Rick SpringfieldCopy !req
247. out here now, please?Copy !req
248. Get him out here!Copy !req
249. He's here?Copy !req
250. Yeah.Copy !req
251. Yo!Copy !req
252. You son of a bitch.Copy !req
253. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!Copy !req
254. Ohh!Copy !req
255. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!Copy !req
256. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!Copy !req
257. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
258. Great segment!Copy !req
259. It's a real good segment.Copy !req
260. I like it.Copy !req
261. Somebody help me!Copy !req
262. Ohh!Copy !req
263. It's time to make yourCopy !req
264. fantasy a reality.Copy !req
265. Talk with big cops now!Copy !req
266. I spent a lot of time inCopy !req
267. France, if you know what I mean,Copy !req
268. right?Copy !req
269. Shhh.Copy !req
270. These fat cops are waitingCopy !req
271. for your call!Copy !req
272. Just put it in your mouth!Copy !req
273. Ooh! Cop connection.Copy !req
274. There's a little ticklish guyCopy !req
275. over here, huh?Copy !req
276. Ohh!Copy !req
277. Now sit on my face and queefCopy !req
278. in my cheeks.Copy !req
279. No.Copy !req
280. Call now.Copy !req
281. Finger me.Copy !req
282. Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohhhh! Ohhhh!Copy !req
283. Officer down!Copy !req
284. Help!Copy !req
285. Somebody call the police.Copy !req
286. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
287. here to readCopy !req
288. "James and the giant peach,"Copy !req
289. Paul "roald dahl" wall!Copy !req
290. Storytime, motherCopy !req
291. "James tiptoed a little closerCopy !req
292. and handed old man gloop theCopy !req
293. ripe peach."Copy !req
294. The police.Copy !req
295. The police.Copy !req
296. For real.Copy !req
297. "He knew that nobody wouldCopy !req
298. find magic if they didn'tCopy !req
299. believe it."Copy !req
300. Help!Copy !req
301. Anybody!Copy !req
302. "Always be kind and don'tCopy !req
303. ever be surprised where and howCopy !req
304. far a little magic can takeCopy !req
305. you."Copy !req
306. Help me! Save me!Copy !req
307. Roald dahl, baby!Copy !req
308. Got that children's literature,Copy !req
309. got that Dr. Seuss, got thatCopy !req
310. Judy blume, choose your ownCopy !req
311. adventures, the Hardy boys,Copy !req
312. coloring books, everything.Copy !req
313. The police!Copy !req