The Eric Andre Show 3x10

Directed by Chris Rock

Stephen Colletti as Self

The worst show on television. Also: Stephen Colletti; Chris Rock.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, it's

2. "the Eric Andre show"!

3. Aaaaaaaaaaah!

4. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

5. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

6. Aah! Aah! Aah!

7. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

8. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

9. Not the bees! Not the bees!

10. Aaaaah! They're in my eyes!

11. They're in my eyes!

12. Get some. Get some.

13. Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah!

14. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

15. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

16. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

17. Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aaaaaaaaah!

18. I'm Bob hope!

19. Ugh! Ugh!

20. Ohhhhhhh!

21. Ooh-ooh!

22. Ugh!

23. Ooh!

24. What's up with new yorkers,

25. right?

26. They're all like...

27. "Hey, yo!

28. Pizza! Pasta! Popcorn!

29. Uh, Espresso! Cappuccino!"

30. It's like...

31. "Dude, uh...

32. Shut the up."

33. I live in New York.

34. That's not how I talk.

35. Yeah. Yeah.

36. That's not how I talk.

37. This is my impression of

38. Hannibal.

39. Hey, I'm Hannibal.

40. I'm, uh, the guy from

41. "silence of the lambs."

42. Get a stage name, dude.

43. What's wrong, man...

44. You can't write good jokes?

45. Hey, why don't you suck my

46. Hannibal, wake up!

47. It's not good.

48. Idiot!

49. Those jokes are bad jokes.

50. You, bitch.

51. I have nothing to say.

52. Hey, this is my impression of

53. Hannibal.

54. I'm a fat bitch.

55. Vote or die, y'all.

56. yo, you're watching

57. "bird up!"... The worst show on

58. television!

59. Bawk!

60. What's your favorite movie?

61. "Thelma & Louise."

62. Act out your favorite scene

63. from "Thelma & Louise."

64. Talk to the bird.

65. They're gonna morph me out,

66. using technology.

67. They jumped off the cliff.

68. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! What the hell?

69. Hey, you ever seen

70. "requiem for a dream"?

71. Hey, what the... hey!

72. They won't even see me.

73. It's against my regulations.

74. Why ehh! Ehh!

75. What's he got that I don't got,

76. boo?

77. He's got a little tic tac.

78. I got a

79. All right!

80. Ladies and gentlemen, you know

81. from "one Tree Hill"...

82. Stephen colletti!

83. How's it going?

84. Stephen, welcome!

85. Would you mind showing us your

86. penis?

87. I'm gonna deflect that

88. question to him.

89. That was rain.

90. There's been people online

91. talking shit about you.

92. There've been people calling you

93. "colletti, the human piece of

94. shit"...

95. Perfect.

96. A pink Princess,

97. a unicorn's vagina,

98. a big shitter,

99. a human piece of...

100. You're watching "bird up!"

101. Bya-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!

102. They won't even see me.

103. You're watching "bird up!"...

104. The worst show on television!

105. I just broke up with Jay-Z.

106. Will you make love to me?

107. Just give it a little kiss.

108. No, I ain't gonna bird up!

109. "Bird up!"

110. I'm Reggie...

111. oh, let me hump you.

112. Let me hump you.

113. Hey, yo, fool, you playin' this

114. thing wrong!

115. I got 2 gallons of milk for you,

116. big mama.

117. I need Jesus and a can of

118. ginger ale.

119. Bi-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-rd up!

120. Ohhh-ohhh!

121. Ohhh! Ohhh! Ohh!

122. Hey, come on in.

123. I'm sorry.

124. Hey, what's up, Yung fool?

125. Who's the owner of this place?

126. What's your name?

127. Jose.

128. Jose.

129. Could you get in that thing and

130. give us a tour?

131. We can do whatever the

132. We want.

133. Dig this, fuzzy duck.

134. Eisenhower's in drag, daddy-o.

135. I'm on the road...

136. Ohh!

137. Everything's free.

138. Jose's just giving it away.

139. Free! Free! Free! Free!

140. It's time to exercise our

141. "bird up!"

142. This is how we get our

143. "bird up!" Exercise.

144. Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!

145. You got white people, you got

146. a good neighborhood.

147. You got white people, you got

148. a good neighborhood.

149. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

150. Ohhh!

151. Why are there no black people

152. on "one Tree Hill"?

153. There is.

154. There was one.

155. Was he the guy that played

156. loopy Joe... the guy that just

157. shot a bunch of babies in that

158. nursery?

159. That was a controversial scene,

160. I think... him just shooting

161. them babies.

162. But then they had the ghost

163. babies.

164. Zip it, silly bitches!

165. Bird time!

166. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

167. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

168. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

169. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

170. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

171. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

172. Aaaaah!

173. Time to get incepted!

174. Aaaaaaaaaah!

175. Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

176. Yeah.

177. Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh!

178. There goes my wrist.

179. S-s-Samuel l. Jackson, take a

180. look at me, and we can do a

181. picture together,

182. Samuel l. Jackson, wherever

183. you at.

184. Bird up.

185. Bird up. Bird up. Bird up.

186. Bird up. Bird up.

187. I just farted.

188. Oh, yeah!

189. You going for the record... all

190. four fingers?

191. Oh-oh. Oh-oh.

192. You may find it tempting,

193. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

194. Aaah!

195. Well, as soon as I start, we cut

196. to "bird up!"

197. Every time...

198. Okay, I can start, but...

199. Come on in. Come on in.

200. Come on in. Come on in.

201. We're doing a new segment called

202. "street goofs!"

203. So, what we're gonna do... we're

204. gonna hide back in this

205. little nook...

206. Aaah!

207. And the first person that

208. walks by, we're gonna jump out

209. and scare them.

210. Okay.

211. Think you can handle that?

212. Yeah.

213. Boo!

214. You're watching "street goofs!"

215. "Bird up!"

216. Michelle Obama!

217. I want to talk to you, mi...

218. Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!

219. No! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

220. Hey, I didn't say "cut" 'cause

221. it was bad.

222. I said, "cut" 'cause it was

223. amazing!

224. Oh, thank you, Chris.

225. Ohhhh! Yeah!

226. Yeah!

227. Aaah!

228. Whoo-hoo!

229. Whoo-hoo!

230. You're the president of

231. "bird up!"

232. That's right.

233. Yeah, could someone pronounce

234. us husband and bird, please?

235. Come here. Come here.

236. Chill. Chill. Chill.

237. Hey, "Bird up!"

238. It's time for "snail down!"...

239. The best television show on

240. television!

241. Hello?

242. Yeah. I just got ordered for

243. 17 seasons.

244. Aah!

245. Goodbye, ma!

246. Aaah!

247. Aaah!

248. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

249. Paul Walker's alive!

250. You want to believe the media?

251. You're watching "bird up!"...

252. The worst show on television.

253. Bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk-bawk!

254. Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!

255. This is all about

256. "snail down"!

257. I'm out here in brook...

258. Bird... bird... bird...

259. Blah, blah.

260. Is the camera still in here?

261. Bird... bird... bird... bird...

262. Bird... bird... bird...

263. Drink a large milk.

264. They won't even see me.

265. "Bird up!"

266. They won't even see me.

267. Bird... bird...

268. They won't even see me.

269. B-b-b-bawk! B-b-b-bawk!

270. B-b-b-bawk, bawk!

271. B-b-bawk, bawk!

272. They won't even see me.

273. Act like I'm not here.

274. "Bird up!"

275. What the hell was that?

276. I don't know.

277. It was weird because he said

278. he couldn't be seen, but how

279. could he not be seen?

280. He goes, "just do whatever you

281. want 'cause I'm not seen," but,

282. obviously, he is seen.

283. Fundamentally, basically, as

284. far as the "bird up!" Segment,

285. it's basically this.

286. The idea of him saying that he

287. couldn't be seen was that as far

288. as when the segment is

289. completed, post-editing and

290. stuff, essentially, they're

291. probably going to add on other

292. graphics and stuff or make him

293. invisible... whichever.

294. But don't you think that was

295. the finished product?

296. Why would they show us something

297. that isn't the finished product?

298. Focus group?

299. Give me a goddamn break.

300. They should focus on their own

301. assholes.

302. God, look at that black dude

303. licking his lips.

304. I want to suck on his tongue

305. like it's a dick.

306. Whoa!

307. I need to everyone in

308. that room!

309. Ohh!

310. Bird up.

311. Fundamentally, bascially, essentially