The Eric Andre Show 2x1

1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S "THE NEW ERIC ANDRE SHOW!"

2. "THE NEW ERIC ANDRE SHOW!"

3. WHAT'S UP, MAN? WHAT'S UP, MAN?

4. WHAT'S UP, MAN? WHAT'S UP, MAN? HOW YOU DOING?

5. WHAT'S UP, MAN? HOW YOU DOING? HOW'S IT GOING?

6. HOW YOU DOING? HOW'S IT GOING? UH, IT'S GOING PRETTY GOOD.

7. HOW'S IT GOING? UH, IT'S GOING PRETTY GOOD. UH, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

8. UH, IT'S GOING PRETTY GOOD. UH, WHAT SHOULD I DO? YOU GOT TO WELCOME.

9. UH, WHAT SHOULD I DO? YOU GOT TO WELCOME. IT'S THE SECOND SEASON.

10. YOU GOT TO WELCOME. IT'S THE SECOND SEASON. YOU GOT TO DO THE MONOLOGUE.

11. IT'S THE SECOND SEASON. YOU GOT TO DO THE MONOLOGUE. YEAH, YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT.

12. YOU GOT TO DO THE MONOLOGUE. YEAH, YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT. UGH.

13. YEAH, YEAH. YOU'RE RIGHT. UGH.

14. UGH. YEAH, YEAH. WELCOME PEOPLE.

15. YEAH, YEAH. WELCOME PEOPLE. AND WELCOME!

16. YEAH, YEAH. WELCOME PEOPLE. AND WELCOME! SEASON 2, YEAH!

17. AND WELCOME! SEASON 2, YEAH! SEASON 2. NEW LOOK.

18. SEASON 2, YEAH! SEASON 2. NEW LOOK. Shh.

19. SEASON 2. NEW LOOK. Shh. NEW LOOK, NEW LIFE, NEW OUTLOOK.

20. Shh. NEW LOOK, NEW LIFE, NEW OUTLOOK. YOU GOT A NEW SUIT.

21. NEW LOOK, NEW LIFE, NEW OUTLOOK. YOU GOT A NEW SUIT. NEW SUIT, NEW SUPPORT.

22. YOU GOT A NEW SUIT. NEW SUIT, NEW SUPPORT. GOT A NEW T-TUBE SUPPORT.

23. NEW SUIT, NEW SUPPORT. GOT A NEW T-TUBE SUPPORT. DID YOU SAY, "TUBE SUPPORT"?

24. GOT A NEW T-TUBE SUPPORT. DID YOU SAY, "TUBE SUPPORT"? LET'S GET INTO THAT

25. DID YOU SAY, "TUBE SUPPORT"? LET'S GET INTO THAT MONOLOGUE.

26. LET'S GET INTO THAT MONOLOGUE. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. YEAH.

27. MONOLOGUE. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. YEAH.

28. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. YEAH.

29. OKAY.

30. OKAY. D-D-D-D-D-D.

31. OKAY. D-D-D-D-D-D. DON'T EVEN TELL ME.

32. D-D-D-D-D-D. DON'T EVEN TELL ME. ALL RIGHT.

33. DON'T EVEN TELL ME. ALL RIGHT. DON'T EVEN TELL ME.

34. ALL RIGHT. DON'T EVEN TELL ME.

35. DON'T EVEN TELL ME. AH, MAN.

36. AH, MAN. SO, UH...

37. AH, MAN. SO, UH...

38. SO, UH...

39. UH... LINDSAY LOHAN, RIGHT?

40. UH... LINDSAY LOHAN, RIGHT? GOSH.

41. UH... LINDSAY LOHAN, RIGHT? GOSH. Y-YOU KNOW, WHAT?

42. GOSH. Y-YOU KNOW, WHAT? I'M NOT EVEN GONNA GO THERE.

43. Y-YOU KNOW, WHAT? I'M NOT EVEN GONNA GO THERE.

44. I'M NOT EVEN GONNA GO THERE. SO, OKAY.

45. SO, OKAY. EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A NEW

46. SO, OKAY. EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A NEW SEASON, YOUR JOKE WRITING HASN'T

47. EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A NEW SEASON, YOUR JOKE WRITING HASN'T DEVELOPED AT ALL.

48. SEASON, YOUR JOKE WRITING HASN'T DEVELOPED AT ALL.

49. DEVELOPED AT ALL. S-S-S-SO, PEOPLE MAGAZINE

50. S-S-S-SO, PEOPLE MAGAZINE

51. S-S-S-SO, PEOPLE MAGAZINE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

52. WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

53. WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. YEAH, RIGHT.

54. YEAH, RIGHT. MORE LIKE THE COUNTY'S LEAST

55. YEAH, RIGHT. MORE LIKE THE COUNTY'S LEAST UGLIEST MAN.

56. MORE LIKE THE COUNTY'S LEAST UGLIEST MAN.

57. UGLIEST MAN. WHERE'S THE GROWTH, MAN?

58. WHERE'S THE GROWTH, MAN? GWYNETH PALTROW IS A LEECH ON

59. WHERE'S THE GROWTH, MAN? GWYNETH PALTROW IS A LEECH ON SOCIETY, AND SHE NEEDS TO BE

60. GWYNETH PALTROW IS A LEECH ON SOCIETY, AND SHE NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!

61. SOCIETY, AND SHE NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!

62. STOPPED! IMMEDIATELY!

63. IMMEDIATELY! AND IF WE DON'T PUT A STOP TO

64. AND IF WE DON'T PUT A STOP TO GWYNETH PALTROW,

65. AND IF WE DON'T PUT A STOP TO GWYNETH PALTROW, GWYNETH PALTROW'S GONNA PUT A

66. GWYNETH PALTROW, GWYNETH PALTROW'S GONNA PUT A STOP TO US!

67. GWYNETH PALTROW'S GONNA PUT A STOP TO US! HANNIBAL'S ON BOARD.

68. STOP TO US! HANNIBAL'S ON BOARD. IT'S LIKE ENOUGH IS ENOUGH,

69. HANNIBAL'S ON BOARD. IT'S LIKE ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, PEOPLE.

70. IT'S LIKE ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, PEOPLE. I'M NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS AT

71. PEOPLE. I'M NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS AT ALL.

72. I'M NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS AT ALL.

73. ALL.

74. YOU ADDED TO INFINITY TIME, IT

75. YOU ADDED TO INFINITY TIME, IT STILL WON'T BE ABLE TO BECOME

76. YOU ADDED TO INFINITY TIME, IT STILL WON'T BE ABLE TO BECOME COMEDY.

77. STILL WON'T BE ABLE TO BECOME COMEDY. MOTHER

78. COMEDY. MOTHER

79. WHOA. WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

80. YOU ALL RIGHT, DAWG?

81. YOU ALL RIGHT, DAWG? YOU ALL RIGHT?

82. YOU ALL RIGHT, DAWG? YOU ALL RIGHT?

83. OH.

84. YOU SEE THIS ON THE NEWS? THAT'S NOT FROM THE NEWS. WELL, IT'S FROM SOMETHING.

85. OKAY, UH, OUR — OUR — OUR FIRST GUEST, EVERYBODY.

86. HEY.

87. MY LUCK, HUH? I LOVE YOU.

88. I LOVE YOU. YEAH.

89. YEAH. PBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHT!

90. PBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHT!

91. PBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHT!

92. DRONE-BOMBING PAKISTAN?

93. DRONE-BOMBING PAKISTAN? SEEMS LIKE A BIT MUCH, HUH?

94. NOW?

95. NOW? YOU WANT SOME SANDWICH?

96. NOW? YOU WANT SOME SANDWICH? NO.

97. YOU WANT SOME SANDWICH? NO. IT CAME OFF THE FLOOR.

98. NO. IT CAME OFF THE FLOOR. NO, IT DIDN'T.

99. IT CAME OFF THE FLOOR. NO, IT DIDN'T.

100. NO, IT DIDN'T. THE FLOOR.

101. THE FLOOR. OH, MY GOD.

102. THE FLOOR. OH, MY GOD. HE'S LEAVING TUNA-FISH

103. OH, MY GOD. HE'S LEAVING TUNA-FISH

104. HE'S LEAVING TUNA-FISH THE CHAIR.

105. THE CHAIR. IT'S ON A NAPKIN.

106. THE CHAIR. IT'S ON A NAPKIN. YOU'RE FROM DUNKIN' DONUTS?

107. IT'S ON A NAPKIN. YOU'RE FROM DUNKIN' DONUTS?

108. YOU'RE FROM DUNKIN' DONUTS? WORKED THERE.

109. WORKED THERE. I WORKED AT DUNKIN' DONUTS,

110. WORKED THERE. I WORKED AT DUNKIN' DONUTS, YES.

111. I WORKED AT DUNKIN' DONUTS, YES. AND YOU WERE A JANITOR IN

112. YES. AND YOU WERE A JANITOR IN BOSTON, AS WELL.

113. AND YOU WERE A JANITOR IN BOSTON, AS WELL. YEP.

114. BOSTON, AS WELL. YEP. WHAT?

115. YEP. WHAT? YOU FAMILIAR WITH BUKKAKE?

116. WHAT? YOU FAMILIAR WITH BUKKAKE? YES.

117. YOU FAMILIAR WITH BUKKAKE? YES.

118. YES. ALL RIGHT, WE WANT TO TALK A—

119. ALL RIGHT, WE WANT TO TALK A—

120. ALL RIGHT, WE WANT TO TALK A— MOVIE.

121. MOVIE.

122. MOVIE. I HATE YOU.

123. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU.

124. WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?

125. WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?

126. WHAT IS UP WITH YOU? ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME TO PLAY

127. ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME TO PLAY "THESE ARE PEOPLE"!

128. ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME TO PLAY "THESE ARE PEOPLE"!

129. "THESE ARE PEOPLE"!

130. YEAH.

131. YEAH. YEAH, "THESE ARE PEOPLE."

132. YEAH. YEAH, "THESE ARE PEOPLE." YAY!

133. YEAH, "THESE ARE PEOPLE." YAY! "THESE ARE PEOPLE."

134. YAY! "THESE ARE PEOPLE." THOSE ARE PEOPLE.

135. "THESE ARE PEOPLE." THOSE ARE PEOPLE. "A,"B,"C."

136. THOSE ARE PEOPLE. "A,"B,"C." THOSE ARE PEOPLE.

137. "A,"B,"C." THOSE ARE PEOPLE. OKAY, MARIA, SELECT YOUR

138. THOSE ARE PEOPLE. OKAY, MARIA, SELECT YOUR PERSON.

139. OKAY, MARIA, SELECT YOUR PERSON. OH, MY GOD.

140. PERSON. OH, MY GOD. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

141. OH, MY GOD. WHAT IS HAPPENING? JUST PICK A PERSON.

142. WHAT IS HAPPENING? JUST PICK A PERSON. I JUST PICK PERSON?

143. JUST PICK A PERSON. I JUST PICK PERSON? ANY PERSON.

144. I JUST PICK PERSON? ANY PERSON. I'M GONNA GO FOR THE DUDE IN

145. ANY PERSON. I'M GONNA GO FOR THE DUDE IN THE MIDDLE.

146. I'M GONNA GO FOR THE DUDE IN THE MIDDLE.

147. THE MIDDLE. OH

148. OH

149. OH SOMEBODY!

150. SOMEBODY! I KNEW IT! OH, MY GOD!

151. SOMEBODY! I KNEW IT! OH, MY GOD! HOW DID I KNOW THAT?

152. OH, MY GOD. I HAVE BLOOD ON ME. EW.

153. OH, MY GOD. I HAVE BLOOD ON ME. EW.

154. EW. WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

155. WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

156. FREE TRIPS TO, UH, THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. HEY, FREE TRIPS FOR ANY LESBOS

157. THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. HEY, FREE TRIPS FOR ANY LESBOS

158. HEY, FREE TRIPS FOR ANY LESBOS FRONT OF ME.

159. FRONT OF ME.

160. FRONT OF ME.

161. ALL MY SORES IS HEALED UP.

162. ALL MY SORES IS HEALED UP. I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD!

163. ALL MY SORES IS HEALED UP. I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN

164. I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME?

165. THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. OH, GOD.

166. THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. OH, GOD. I'M MAKING A MESS.

167. OH, GOD. I'M MAKING A MESS. OHHHHH. SWEET RELIEF.

168. I'M MAKING A MESS. OHHHHH. SWEET RELIEF.

169. HELP ME! SOMEBODY, HELP ME! THESE KIDS JUMPED ME, MAN.

170. THESE KIDS JUMPED ME, MAN.

171. SHOW "HAVEN."

172. SHOW "HAVEN."

173. SHOW "HAVEN." ERIC BALFOUR!

174. ERIC BALFOUR! OKAY.

175. NICE TO MEET YOU. HOW YOU DOING?

176. HOW YOU DOING? YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?

177. HOW YOU DOING? YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?

178. YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT? WHAT ARE SOME, UH — WHAT DO

179. WHAT ARE SOME, UH — WHAT DO YOU THINK?

180. WHAT ARE SOME, UH — WHAT DO YOU THINK?

181. YOU THINK? OH, WHO'S THE HOTTEST GIRL

182. OH, WHO'S THE HOTTEST GIRL YOU EVER HOOKED UP WITH?

183. OH, WHO'S THE HOTTEST GIRL YOU EVER HOOKED UP WITH? HOOKED UP WITH A WARDROBE

184. YOU EVER HOOKED UP WITH? HOOKED UP WITH A WARDROBE DESIGNER ONCE...

185. HOOKED UP WITH A WARDROBE DESIGNER ONCE... YOU HOOKED UP WITH A WARDROBE

186. DESIGNER ONCE... YOU HOOKED UP WITH A WARDROBE GIRL?

187. YOU HOOKED UP WITH A WARDROBE GIRL? WHEN SHE WOULD BRING MY,

188. GIRL? WHEN SHE WOULD BRING MY,

189. WHEN SHE WOULD BRING MY,

190. MORNING.

191. MORNING. I THINK THAT'S THE WAY TO GO.

192. MORNING. I THINK THAT'S THE WAY TO GO. YOU DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP WITH,

193. I THINK THAT'S THE WAY TO GO. YOU DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP WITH, LIKE, ORIENTAL BACKGROUND

194. YOU DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP WITH, LIKE, ORIENTAL BACKGROUND ACTRESSES OR ANYTHING.

195. LIKE, ORIENTAL BACKGROUND ACTRESSES OR ANYTHING. WHY NOT?

196. ACTRESSES OR ANYTHING. WHY NOT? DO YOU?

197. WHY NOT? DO YOU? 'CAUSE AREN'T THEY CUCKOO CRAZY?

198. DO YOU? 'CAUSE AREN'T THEY CUCKOO CRAZY? I MEAN, BACKGROUND ACTRESSES

199. 'CAUSE AREN'T THEY CUCKOO CRAZY? I MEAN, BACKGROUND ACTRESSES ARE.

200. I MEAN, BACKGROUND ACTRESSES ARE. DID YOU SAY, "ORIENTAL,"

201. ARE. DID YOU SAY, "ORIENTAL," THOUGH?

202. DID YOU SAY, "ORIENTAL," THOUGH? YEAH.

203. THOUGH? YEAH. YOU KNOW, FOR —

204. YEAH. YOU KNOW, FOR —

205. YOU KNOW, FOR — IS THAT WEIRD?

206. IS THAT WEIRD? I THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT —

207. IS THAT WEIRD? I THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT — LET ME JUST SAY IT AGAIN.

208. I THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT — LET ME JUST SAY IT AGAIN. 5, 4...

209. LET ME JUST SAY IT AGAIN. 5, 4...

210. 5, 4... ANY... BACKGROUND ACTRESSES?

211. ANY... BACKGROUND ACTRESSES? NO.

212. ANY... BACKGROUND ACTRESSES? NO. I WANT TO TALK

213. NO. I WANT TO TALK "JESUS HATES ZOMBIES."

214. I WANT TO TALK "JESUS HATES ZOMBIES." IS THIS YOUR DIRECTORIAL DEBUT?

215. "JESUS HATES ZOMBIES." IS THIS YOUR DIRECTORIAL DEBUT? YEAH, THIS IS MY, YEAH,

216. IS THIS YOUR DIRECTORIAL DEBUT? YEAH, THIS IS MY, YEAH, FEATURE DIRECTORIAL DEBUT.

217. YEAH, THIS IS MY, YEAH, FEATURE DIRECTORIAL DEBUT.

218. FEATURE DIRECTORIAL DEBUT. CONGRATULATIONS, MAN.

219. CONGRATULATIONS, MAN. THANK YOU.

220. CONGRATULATIONS, MAN. THANK YOU. WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

221. THANK YOU. WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

222. WHAT'S IT ABOUT? MOVIE?

223. MOVIE? SO, "JESUS HATES ZOMBIES" IS

224. MOVIE? SO, "JESUS HATES ZOMBIES" IS BASED ON A COMIC BOOK.

225. SO, "JESUS HATES ZOMBIES" IS BASED ON A COMIC BOOK.

226. BASED ON A COMIC BOOK.

227. JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.

228. JUST TAKE YOUR TIME. TAKE YOUR TIME.

229. JUST TAKE YOUR TIME. TAKE YOUR TIME. I DON'T NEED TO TAKE MY TIME.

230. TAKE YOUR TIME. I DON'T NEED TO TAKE MY TIME. I'M JUST SAYING.

231. I DON'T NEED TO TAKE MY TIME. I'M JUST SAYING. Take your time. It's okay.

232. I'M JUST SAYING. Take your time. It's okay. BETWEEN THE WAT—

233. Take your time. It's okay. BETWEEN THE WAT— YOU KNOW WHAT? IT.

234. BETWEEN THE WAT— YOU KNOW WHAT? IT.

235. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT.

236. DAMN IT.

237. DAMN IT. LIKE, I WALKED IN —

238. DAMN IT. LIKE, I WALKED IN — IT'S HOT, TOO.

239. LIKE, I WALKED IN — IT'S HOT, TOO. IT'S HOT.

240. IT'S HOT, TOO. IT'S HOT.

241. IT'S HOT. TELL THEM.

242. TELL THEM. WHAT'S THE GAME CALLED?

243. TELL THEM. WHAT'S THE GAME CALLED? UH... UH...

244. WHAT'S THE GAME CALLED? UH... UH... WITH THE STICK.

245. UH... UH... WITH THE STICK.

246. WITH THE STICK. UH...

247. UH...

248. UH... SHE DIDN'T

249. SHE DIDN'T YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT A

250. SHE DIDN'T YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT A HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO EVER, LIKE,

251. YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT A HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO EVER, LIKE, HAVE A CAREER DOING THIS?

252. HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO EVER, LIKE, HAVE A CAREER DOING THIS? YOU EVER WANT TO — LIKE, YOU

253. HAVE A CAREER DOING THIS? YOU EVER WANT TO — LIKE, YOU INVITE PEOPLE HERE, AND, YEAH,

254. YOU EVER WANT TO — LIKE, YOU INVITE PEOPLE HERE, AND, YEAH,

255. INVITE PEOPLE HERE, AND, YEAH, OTHER PERSON WHO DOESN'T COME ON

256. OTHER PERSON WHO DOESN'T COME ON YOUR SHOW 'CAUSE IT'S

257. OTHER PERSON WHO DOESN'T COME ON YOUR SHOW 'CAUSE IT'S STUPID.

258. YOUR SHOW 'CAUSE IT'S STUPID. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?

259. STUPID. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

260. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU — YOU SOUND INSANE.

261. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU — YOU SOUND INSANE. THE INTERVIEW.

262. YOU — YOU SOUND INSANE. THE INTERVIEW.

263. THE INTERVIEW. JUST BEAUTIFUL.

264. JUST BEAUTIFUL.

265. ♪ BA-DA-DA-DO-BA

266. HELLO, SIR. HI. HOW ARE YOU, SIR? MAY I HAVE A HOT DOG TODAY,

267. HI. HOW ARE YOU, SIR? MAY I HAVE A HOT DOG TODAY, PLEASE?

268. MAY I HAVE A HOT DOG TODAY, PLEASE? HERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.

269. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

270. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

271. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. CAN I HAVE A LITTLE MUSTARD?

272. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. CAN I HAVE A LITTLE MUSTARD?

273. CAN I HAVE A LITTLE MUSTARD? THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU.

274. HERE TO PERFORM A CUT OFF THEIR NEW E.P., PLEASE WELCOME IRONTOM!

275. CHECK ONE, TWO. CHECK.

276. DRUMMER, DRUMMER.

277. CHE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-CK!

278. CHECKING ONE, TWO. CHECK!

279. CHECK THE MIKE!

280. YEAH.

281. SIX...

282. YEAH!

283. FIVE...

284. HEY!

285. FOUR, THREE, TWO, WHOA!

286. WHAT'S UP?

287. WHOA.

288. HANNIBAL. YEAH! HEY!

289. HEY.

290. WHAT?