The Boondocks 3x2

1. Oh.

2. My glasses.

3. Hey!

4. Dorothy! I'm coming, baby!

5. I'm coming!

6. You're not taking Dorothy!

7. You should have paid your car note, asshole!

8. That car's been paid for since 1975!

9. W-W-Wait, wait. Is this 324 Timid Deer Lane?

10. Hell, no! This is 327!

11. That's 324!

12. Huh?

13. Damn! What now?

14. Ha-ha! What up, little man? What up?

15. You bring that extra controller? Yep.

16. That's what's up. Come on in, nigga.

17. Hey, man, apologize to your granddad for me

18. about that mix-up earlier.

19. I been waiting to get rid of that piece of shit car anyway.

20. You know, 'cause I called 'em, right?

21. I was like: "Y'all need to get this motherfucker out of here,

22. 'cause I don't want this no more."

23. I'm about to cop the new shit, nigga.

24. You know what I mean? Oh, okay.

25. So everything's okay? Okay?

26. Everything is better than okay, it's Thugnificent!

27. You just wait to see the moves your boy is making.

28. Know what I'm saying? Federal Reserve calling me for loans,

29. Obama and shit? Know what I'm saying?

30. Nigga, you need some money?

31. Man, who the fuck is this calling me—?

32. Ha. Warren Motherfucking Buffett.

33. What up, nigga? Aw, nigga,

34. stop beating around the bush. How much you need?

35. Two billion?

36. I'm giving you eight.

37. And don't pay me back, nigga, you good.

38. All right, my nigga.

39. Uh, let's just turn the game on.

40. Oh, yo! It's Sergeant Gutta!

41. Turn it up, man! Turn it up!

42. Oh, man, not this motherfucker again.

43. I swear to God, every time I turn the TV on,

44. I see this nigga.

45. Is this what the kids like?

46. This what's hot in the streets, Riley?

47. Well, he sold over a million records

48. and he do have the number one song in the country

49. and he got a dance.

50. Is that what it takes for a nigga

51. to go platinum nowadays, a dance?

52. Man, anybody can make up a dance.

53. Man, you look crazy.

54. You ain't gotta make up no dance

55. just because he got one.

56. I ain't gonna lie though, I kinda mess with it.

57. I mean, but your stuff is good too.

58. Hey, you just wait till my new album drops.

59. All y'all niggas gonna see I still got the game on smash.

60. Hey, you wanna hear some tracks?

61. ♪ I'm a magnificent thug

62. Wow. So you doing the robot effect on your voice.

63. Yeah, it's that Auto-Tuner, son.

64. It lets you sing, even if you can't sing.

65. Wow. So you used it on this one too.

66. Yep. Every song on the whole CD.

67. Hot, right?

68. Heh, yeah.

69. I thought Flonominal was supposed to be back this week.

70. Man, that nigga, man.

71. You know he went and got a job?

72. A what? I know, nigga.

73. That's what I said. A job? Can you believe this?

74. Talking about he need health insurance and shit.

75. I'm like, "damn, nigga, pull down your skirt."

76. Know what I'm saying? Take the dick out your ass.

77. Acting like little bitches, man.

78. And this nigga Macktastic, went back to pimping and shit.

79. It's funny how niggas change on you, man,

80. know what I'm saying? So you here all by yourself?

81. Yeah, just me.

82. Hey, what's up, y'all?

83. Just got back from work. Hey, y'all hungry?

84. Oh, and Leonard.

85. Oh, man!

86. My Frosty is melted! Damn it, Leonard!

87. What the fuck, nigga, did you take the long way home again?

88. My bad, it took longer 'cause I had to ride my bike

89. since the car had got— Uh, never mind, man, fuck it.

90. Should I tell you what happened to the car?

91. I said never mind!

92. Okay, we're back.

93. This is DJ Vlad and I told you we have a very,

94. very special guest in the studio this morning.

95. This man right here is a legend in the game.

96. A pioneer, if you will.

97. Give him respect, Thugnificent!

98. What up everybody. Man, what an honor.

99. How are you, man? Who, me?

100. Heh, oh, you know, I'm Thugnificent!

101. What's it like for you older cats now in the game

102. in terms of, you know, where you fit in musically?

103. I mean, what was it like, you know,

104. when you were at your peak, so to speak?

105. Which was so long ago. I'm saying, I mean,

106. my first joint came out, like, four years ago. You know that?

107. I know, seems like 40, doesn't it?

108. Now, the new CD drops next week, right?

109. No doubt, no doubt. The CD is crazy.

110. It's on fire. It's got something for everybody.

111. It's got joints for the streets, it's got joints for the ladies,

112. it's got joints for the ladies in the streets.

113. The CD is called, Mo' Bitches, Mo' Problems,

114. you know what I'm saying, so go cop that.

115. Shout out to B.I.G. Real hip-hop, you feel me.

116. B.I.G.? Whoo, talk about old school.

117. All right, so, Thugnificent,

118. who you feeling in the game right now?

119. What are you banging in your trunk right now?

120. Okay, okay. You know, I'm definitely feeling

121. a lot of cats right now.

122. I'm feeling my main man, uh, Young Cow Tipper,

123. Joc Daddy Pimp, Lil' Hob Nobba,

124. Goo Goo da Bone Mouf. Little Rich.

125. Ezbot and Rose, I'm feeling Willie Whistle Work C, uh,

126. my main man, Trick Money Smitty.

127. Lil Phanta, putting in his work.

128. Look out for his mix tape.

129. Pew Boi Pimp, Nasty Murda Trae, Epis Green,

130. Lil' Big Dolla, Snowbunny Sampson.

131. Um, I'm feeling a lot of cats right now.

132. Lot of people doing they thing.

133. Ha-ha. Now what about Sergeant Gutta?

134. Man...

135. Fuck Sergeant Gutta!

136. That nigga can eat a dick!

137. Hold on, hold on, everyone quiet down, quiet down!

138. Wow. I just want to make sure I heard you correctly.

139. I said fuck that nigga!

140. I ain't— I ain't really the type of nigga to be,

141. you know, all on the radio, running his mouth,

142. starting beef and all that, you know what I'm saying.

143. But I'm just saying, that shit sound like some bullshit!

144. And that retarded dance, man.

145. See, that's what you get when you let 13-year-olds rap.

146. How— How old— How old is that nigga?

147. That nigga 15 years old, dawg.

148. Yo, well, he sound like he 15 months old.

149. That nigga sound like he got a nipple in his mouth.

150. Hey, Sergeant Gutta, I got an idea.

151. Why don't you take your momma's motherfucking titty

152. out your mouth so you can rap, nigga.

153. Thugnificent's CD dropped the next week.

154. SoundScan say he ain't sold shit.

155. Thugnificent was all fucked up.

156. Yo, it's Thugnificent. You know what, matter of fact,

157. it ain't Thugnificent. You know why?

158. Because I ain't feeling too Thugnificent right now.

159. This Otis. That's right, you all niggas getting

160. the government name. It's Otis Jenkins.

161. And I gotta holler at y'all real quick

162. about why y'all ain't coming out to support your boy.

163. Y'all ain't supporting Thugnificent

164. and I think that's real fucked up.

165. All y'all niggas can eat a dick.

166. All y'all motherfuckers on my friends list.

167. I'm talking about Facebook niggas as well as MySpace.

168. If y'all ain't buying the CD, don't holler at me online,

169. no friend requests, nothing. Y'all send me stupid

170. fucking messages all day,

171. but won't pay for my damn song?

172. I hate y'all niggas, man. "Hey, hey, Thugnificent,

173. "Is it 'booty butt cheeks'

174. or is it 'move them butt cheeks'?"

175. Nigga, who gives a fuck? It's a song about butt cheeks!

176. Well, why ain't I getting no spins?

177. No, no, no, it's your job to make sure it gets played

178. on the radio, not— Say what? You wanna drop me?

179. You wanna drop Thugnifi— Hello?

180. Damn, damn, damn!

181. Everything okay?

182. Huh? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, little man.

183. Everything's cool. Um, just time to make some bigger moves.

184. You know what I'm saying? That's all.

185. Hey, what's up, y'all?

186. Hey, man. I got a surprise for you.

187. I've seen that video you put on your MySpace.

188. You know, how they don't be buying your CD and stuff, right?

189. Well, here. I got 'em today after work.

190. I spent my whole check, but I want you to know

191. I support you, man.

192. See, that— Look at 'em! What the fuck do I need

193. several copies of my own CD for, Leonard!

194. Come on, man, we can't afford for you

195. just to be throwing money away!

196. I didn't throw it away.

197. I-I bought the— You didn't—

198. And that reminds me, man.

199. I don't know what we gonna do,

200. but I don't think I can keep supporting us

201. off my Wendy's checks. Oh, here we go.

202. What you trying to say, Leonard? Huh?

203. How long did I carry you, nigga?

204. How long did I pay the bills in this motherfucker

205. that you living in? See how niggas forget?

206. You see? You see how niggas forget?

207. No, no, Thugnificent, it's that I only make, like,

208. 7.50 a hour and the mortgage on this place is, like,

209. 12,000 a month.

210. So I did the math and that means I'd have to work,

211. like, 82 hours a day. So I went in,

212. asked the manager for some overtime and he said:

213. "He couldn't do it 'cause it's against company policy.

214. "You just started here. Who you think you are?

215. "Be lucky with the hours that you get.

216. Cindy's pregnant and she has to work."

217. I was like, "but Cindy—" I figure maybe I could work

218. two jobs at the same time.

219. Maybe I could be on the phone doing some telemarketing,

220. and work on, like, some art and sell art

221. out of the back of Wendy's. Oh, man! Why me?

222. I did everything I was supposed to do.

223. I used that stupid fucking Auto-Tuner on my voice,

224. I instigated a rap beef.

225. And I even tried to make a dance, nigga.

226. Nothing seems to work. Um...

227. Thugnificent? This might be a bad time,

228. but Sergeant Gutta just posted a response to you on YouTube.

229. Hey, dawg. First off I wanna say

230. that I'm a huge fan of Thugnificent.

231. I grew up listening to Thugnificent.

232. Matter of fact, I'd even go ahead,

233. as far to say that I love this nigga, no homo.

234. He is one of the real niggas

235. that made me wanna do this shit.

236. But fuck this old-ass nigga, man!

237. This old nigga is old enough to be my dad

238. and he telling me to eat a dick?

239. Nigga, what's wrong with you?

240. You a grown-ass man and you telling a 15-year-old

241. to eat a dick? I know your mother

242. raised you better than that, dawg. Matter of fact...

243. Excuse me, is this Miss Jenkins?

244. Yes, it is. My name is Sergeant Gutta.

245. And I don't know if you aware,

246. but your son said some very rude things

247. about me on the radio. Yes, I know.

248. He said some very rude things. He's too old

249. to be acting like that, and I know I don't like him

250. using that language either.

251. You know, I one time— That was your momma, nigga.

252. Your momma.

253. Grow your old ass up, nigga.

254. I hope you go broke, you feel me?

255. I hope that the IRS is on they way over

256. right now to take your shit, nigga.

257. I believe, this is the gentleman you're looking for.

258. Otis Jenkins?

259. We're from the Internal Revenue Service.

260. Toodles!

261. Damn! Damn! Damn!

262. How much you owe? Man, them motherfuckers

263. want me to pay a 121,000 in the next six weeks

264. or they gonna take my house.

265. Look, I told you what you need to do.

266. I know, man, but I'm saying, a job?

267. I mean, wasn't that the point of us being rappers,

268. so we wouldn't have to get a job? Look, man.

269. You shouldn't have given up so easily.

270. If you and Mack were still here—

271. Otis, it's over.

272. We were lucky, man.

273. We had a great time, we got to be rock stars,

274. and see some shit that most people never get to see.

275. But it's over. You got a degree, nigga.

276. You got options. That's more than most people.

277. I can get you in the door, man.

278. Think about it.

279. Okay, Mr. Otis Jenkins.

280. Says here you have a bachelor's degree in communications.

281. Yeah, but, uh, I don't normally go by my government name.

282. So you can just call me Thugnificent.

283. I can call you Thugnificent?

284. You've never heard my music? I thought Flo would've told you.

285. We were in the Lethal Interjection Crew.

286. By "Flo", you mean Derrick?

287. No, he didn't mention that.

288. Rappers, you say? Oh, yeah.

289. We did a song called "Fuck Granddad", uh,

290. about fucking up old people.

291. Did a song called "Stomp 'Em in the Nuts",

292. which was, ironically, about stomping niggas in the nuts.

293. You know, real shit.

294. Derrick neglected to mention this on his resume.

295. Yeah, music is in our blood, man, that's what we do.

296. You know, we just in a transitional period

297. with our career right now, so, anything we do now

298. would just be temporary. Derrick too, I presume?

299. Hell, yeah. Flo is my nigga.

300. As soon as I'm back on, he's back on, you know.

301. Pow! We out of here.

302. Good to know.

303. Hey, Flo. Hey, I didn't know that he didn't know—

304. Flo. Come on, man, don't be like that.

305. Flo. I didn't know, Flo!

306. I love you, man.

307. No homo.

308. Man, I don't know what we gonna do.

309. We all knew it was gonna come to this.

310. Yo, is that what I think it is?

311. You ain't never seen no yayo?

312. Yes, I'm just trying to figure out what this is.

313. That's real cocaine, nigga. Hm. Where'd you get it?

314. Nigga, don't worry about where I got it. I got my connects.

315. Ed the Third. So what are you doing with it?

316. "So what are you doing with it?"

317. We gonna cook it up, slang it on them streets,

318. and get paid, nigga. How do we do that?

319. I mean, how hard can it be?

320. I think there's some rap songs

321. that tell you how to do it, right?

322. Okay, he said something about baking soda.

323. Damn. Man, this shit don't actually say how to make it.

324. Oh, what the hell, let's check Wikipedia.

325. Pardon me, are you selling crack?

326. Uh, what it look like I'm doing?

327. Here. Oh, lovely, lovely.

328. I'll take two, please.

329. Thank you. Have a wonderful day.

330. Excuse me, man, I'm looking for some crack.

331. Uh, yeah. Got your crack right here.

332. Wait a minute. You're Thugnificent! Oh, my God.

333. I don't know what you're talking about.

334. No, no, it's you. It's definitely you.

335. Oh, man, I love your stuff, man.

336. What are you doing out here selling crack?

337. I'm not Thugnificent. I'm an ordinary crack dealer.

338. I don't know what you're talking about.

339. Can you please give me the crack? I need three.

340. Dude, what happened on your last CD?

341. You're so much better than that.

342. Don't know what you talking about.

343. Can y'all hold this off for a minute? Crack—

344. I mean, a couple of the beats were okay, but Auto-Tuner?

345. The Auto-Tune is fucked up.

346. The Auto-Tune is terrible. Look, I'm not Thugnificent!

347. Now, get the fuck away from me.

348. Yo, I'm serious! Uh, excuse me, sir.

349. I'd like to return this crack. What?

350. I haven't gotten mine, and you bringing shit back.

351. I said I would like to return this crack.

352. This ain't Walmart. There ain't no return policies,

353. no motherfucking exchanges!

354. No, no, it is defective Look, it's all burnt up.

355. Look, singed around the edges.

356. Ain't nothing wrong with this crack. Good crack.

357. Ain't shit happening with my crack.

358. You not good at this, 'cause my crack dealer is a lot faster.

359. Are you gonna be here for a while?

360. I mean, I'd like to go get my cousin. He's a huge fan.

361. Don't go get your—

362. No, no, wait— Look, there is no reason

363. to be rude, I paid good money for this crack

364. and it is all burnt up! Look!

365. See, I told you! Look, see?

366. Sir, sir, sir, you're not even looking.

367. Oh, my God, it is Thugnificent,

368. I can't believe it. Can I take your picture?

369. No! Don't you— Ni—

370. Don't you see I'm selling crack?

371. Could I just get mine and go? I was supposed to pick up

372. my daughter from school eight hours ago.

373. Now, if you don't give me some new crack, or a refund,

374. I, sir, will take my business elsewhere.

375. Will you motherfuckers get away from me?

376. Man, Leonard, who do I know that still does cocaine?

377. Think, think, think. Oh!

378. Yo, Steve. Steve from Hollow Point Records.

379. Yo, that nigga does cocaine and he got a lot of paper.

380. Hey, yo, Steve. Uh, it's your boy, Otis.

381. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

382. Um, look, I got some stuff you, uh,

383. might be interested in. Ha-ha.

384. No doubt, no doubt. Yeah, just, uh,

385. tell me when and where. I'll be there, nigga.

386. So you know this guy, and he definitely got the money?

387. Hell, yeah. The nigga runs the label I almost signed with.

388. But don't be trying no dumb shit though, man,

389. 'cause Steve's a little crazy.

390. No, he better not be trying no dumb shit,

391. 'cause I'm a little crazy.

392. You here to see Steve?

393. The fuck you think.

394. Come on in.

395. Ha! Otis, what's popping?

396. Glad you could make it, man.

397. Yo, what up, Steve? These are my friends, uh,

398. Leonard and Ed the Third. Great to meet you.

399. Sit down. Anybody want anything?

400. How you been, Otis? Not too good, to be honest.

401. I heard you lost your deal.

402. I'm glad you called me.

403. I think people are getting sick of all of it, you know?

404. You, Sergeant Gutter, everything music's been

405. for the last decade. It's a new era, now.

406. People want something more.

407. Yeah, you probably right. But I believe in you, Otis.

408. Always have.

409. Thanks, man. I appreciate that.

410. Now, let's get down to business.

411. You got something for me?

412. That's about a key.

413. Maybe an eight-ball short though.

414. Heh-heh. What is this, cocaine?

415. Yeah. I, uh, thought

416. we were gonna discuss a record deal, not a drug deal.

417. Huh? You said you had something

418. I might be interested in

419. and I thought you were talking about music.

420. Oh, man.

421. I want back into the Thugnificent business.

422. How about $150,000 advance?

423. What? Are you serious?

424. 150,000? You got that kind of money?

425. Of course I got that kind of money. Who is this guy?

426. Yo! I cannot believe this!

427. Yo, I really, really appreciate this, Steve.

428. Yo, like, this is a miracle!

429. I'm gonna— I'm not gonna let you down, man. I promise.

430. You still want the drugs, right?

431. No. I've been clean for a year.

432. Congratulations, Otis.

433. Thank you so much for believing in me, Steve, really.

434. I-I mean, this means so much to me.

435. We're gonna do it right this time.

436. You're gonna be back on top.

437. I came all the way over to this motherfucker. I want my money.

438. I thought we was coming over here to do a crazy drug deal.

439. My heart was beating all fast.

440. It turns out you wanna give me money for a record deal.

441. I want my money. I got this new sound

442. I been working on too. I want you to hear it. It's crazy.

443. This is gonna make everything in your life better,

444. and nothing, anyone can do is gonna stop it.

445. I want my motherfucking money.

446. Ed, what are you doing? Who cares about drugs?

447. Steve, I'm really sorry, man.

448. What is this, a joke?

449. Do you know who I am?

450. Do you know who I am, motherfucker?

451. I'm Ed Wuncler! I brought the drugs all the way over here.

452. I did what I was supposed to do.

453. I fulfilled my motherfucking end of the bargain,

454. and I want my goddamn money!

455. Hold up, not so fast, you fat motherfucker!

456. Ed, Ed, no, no! Stop!

457. Mr. Steve, I hope this doesn't affect our deal.

458. Tell me where the safe is, or the Green Mile over here,

459. he's washed up!

460. I think I'm having a cardiac arrest.

461. Motherfucker shot me.

462. The fuck you looking at?

463. You don't want my goddamn cocaine, huh?

464. Well, I'll take my shit elsewhere.

465. Boy, what on earth are you doing?

466. You trying to get yourself killed?

467. I don't know what to do. Well, get a job.

468. I tried that. Well, try again.

469. You don't understand, Pops.

470. I always wanted to do this rap thing.

471. And then, you know, by some miracle,

472. I actually pulled it off. I just thought—

473. I just thought it would last longer.

474. It ain't over, Thugnificent.

475. I believe in you. You like a musical genius.

476. Like— Like— Like Ray Charles,

477. but without the piano skills

478. or the ability to sing or compose music.

479. Look, man. I-I can't do this no more.

480. Thanks, old man.

481. I know I told you to eat a lot of dicks.

482. But you all right with me.

483. Take it down.

484. Oh, Lord, have mercy!

485. He gone! He gone!

486. Jesus, you answered my prayers.

487. I'm tickled as a coon on Inauguration Day.

488. Wait. I know that song!

489. What's good, lil' homey? Look, I get off at 5.

490. I could come through, ghost ride the company whip.

491. How you like the new job?

492. Oh, man, it's some old bullshit.

493. But check it, check it.

494. Your boy is shooting his own reality show.

495. Word? Yeah, nigga,

496. you on it right now!

497. Yo, what up, what up, what up?

498. Young Reezy, a.k.a. the Fundraiser, nigga.

499. Lethal Interjection, bitch.

500. Yeah, man, all the paper is in reality shows, right now, nigga.

501. The music industry's dead.

502. I'm trying to get that Flava Flav money.

503. That's who I'm looking at right now.

504. Wow, that sound like a real good plan, Thugnificent.

505. Hey, your Granddaddy home? Hey! Wake up, old nigga!

506. Wanted to let you know until we get this reality show money,

507. your boy Thugnificent is gonna be right here

508. handling all your overnight shipping needs, you smell me?

509. So ask yourself, what can all this Thugnificence do for you?

510. Nigga, will you shut the hell up?

511. Some of us pay our taxes,

512. Mr. Punkassnificent!