The Boondocks 3x1

1. Towards the end of the 2008 campaign,

2. the Republican party, terrified at their own

3. sinking poll numbers, attempted to link Barack Obama

4. to radical leftist figures to make him appear un-American.

5. First was the controversial Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

6. I say motherfuck America, motherfuck America's mother,

7. motherfuck America's daddy!

8. America can eat a dick!

9. America can lick the balls!

10. When that failed, Republicans tried linking Obama

11. with 10-year-old domestic terrorist Huey Freeman

12. after discovering the two were MySpace friends.

13. Did they leave each other glitter comments?

14. The public has a right to know.

15. Okay, this is a little boy who thinks that Jesus is black,

16. Ronald Reagan is the devil

17. and the government is lying about 9/11.

18. Kids like this need to be on America's shit list,

19. not our friend list.

20. Obama did his best to downplay the relationship.

21. Look, I have many, many friends on MySpace.

22. I— I pretty much add anybody.

23. I don't know who this Huey Freeman is,

24. but he doesn't stand for what I stand for

25. and I denounce, I repudiate, and condemn him.

26. Basically fuck him.

27. I tracked down the notoriously reclusive Huey Freeman here,

28. where he lives with his Grandfather and brother.

29. The first thing I notice about Huey

30. is his incredibly large hair.

31. The second thing I notice is his permanent scowl.

32. How does it feel to be labeled a domestic terrorist?

33. Eh, I'm retired.

34. So then, now that it looks like Obama is going to win,

35. as a black African American negro,

36. are you merely excited or are you extremely excited

37. that everything is going to change forever?

38. Eh.

39. I felt my sphincter clinch

40. and my scrotum contract in shock

41. at his response.

42. I swear that boy just likes to be miserable.

43. He can't enjoy nothing.

44. All he wanna talk about is the Bilderberg Group,

45. the Federal Reserve and all that bullshit.

46. I don't know where he get that from.

47. He didn't get it from me. I believe in hope and change.

48. Nobody knows exactly how old Robert Freeman is.

49. Not even Robert Freeman himself.

50. But his age is estimated

51. somewhere between 80 and 120 years old.

52. This is what me and my generation,

53. but mostly me, struggled for. Sacrificed for, you can say,

54. personally individually paved the way for.

55. The dogs were after us, so I took off my belt

56. and started whipping on the dogs.

57. Then I started running. Then I looked behind me.

58. Jesse Jackson was supposed to be there,

59. but he had jumped into a Dumpster. Hiding.

60. That punk-ass. I find it difficult

61. to determine whether Robert is a pathological liar

62. or suffering the early stages of dementia.

63. So if the election is fake, then what's really going on?

64. The end of America.

65. I felt despair so terrible

66. I briefly consider slitting my own wrists,

67. or bludgeoning myself about the head

68. with a steel pipe or baseball bat.

69. But I brought no blade, no pipe, no bat.

70. Describe Riley Freeman in one word.

71. Mm, I'd say real nigga.

72. "Real nigga" is two words.

73. I know it's two words, nigga.

74. Real niggas don't follow instructions.

75. This is Robert Freeman's other grandson, Riley.

76. He's empowered by the prospect of a black president,

77. but not in the way society would hope or expect.

78. Oh, if my nigga Obama gets up in there,

79. I'm gonna act a fool!

80. I ain't doing no more homework, nothing.

81. We taking over.

82. Come on, what's a cop gonna do to me?

83. I'm gonna be like, "Don't make me call the president, bitch."

84. And the cops, he gonna be like, "Oh, snap, Riley a real nigga,

85. the president's a real nigga, we can't do nothing."

86. I can't wait.

87. This is Otis Jenkins.

88. But in the United States, he's better known

89. by his rap moniker Thugnificent.

90. A combination of the words "thug" and "magnificent."

91. Otis has found success

92. like many Negro-American entertainers today

93. by being a professional buffoon.

94. Are you supporting Barack Obama?

95. For what? For president.

96. President of what?

97. You don't know there's a black man

98. running for president named Barack Obama?

99. His name is Barack? For real?

100. Barack Obama, yes.

101. Get the fuck out of here. Barack?

102. Yes, Barack. Where's he from, Africa?

103. His dad was African, yes.

104. You can't be serious, man.

105. There ain't no nigga running for president named Barack Obama!

106. No fucking way, man. No fucking way.

107. I don't believe you. Stop fucking with me.

108. If he wins, I think it will literally be

109. the best day of my life.

110. Tom and Sarah Dubois

111. are also neighbors of the Freemans.

112. They both work on the Obama campaign.

113. Barack has already changed our lives in so many ways.

114. How?

115. Well, I mean, it's no secret

116. that me and Tom have had some problems in the past

117. with our relationship.

118. Well, it's not like the whole world knew.

119. But I think ever since

120. we started working together for Barack...

121. Things are totally different now.

122. Much better. And it's all thanks to Barack.

123. He is such a wonderful, wonderful man.

124. I just think it's about time we had a president

125. who was smart and tall and charming and strong and fit.

126. Just like your hubby?

127. This isn't about you, sweetie.

128. It is always obvious when a couple hasn't engaged

129. in normal marital relations for some time.

130. Obama, of course, is as polarizing

131. as he is transformative.

132. Some have accused Obama of being a socialist.

133. Others believe that he's a Muslim.

134. Some have gone as far as to label him the Antichrist.

135. He is the socialist Muslim Antichrist.

136. This is Uncle Ruckus.

137. He's an Uncle Tom.

138. Perhaps the biggest Uncle Tom to have ever lived.

139. If this nigga gets elected, America is over. Over.

140. You want this nigga to shit

141. in the same place William Taft shat?

142. And his big wife, she don't need to be in the White House.

143. She should be in the WNBA shooting foul shots.

144. Ah. You want my brick, you gonna have to pry it

145. from my cold dead hands, Mr. Obama Hussein.

146. Nigga down!

147. What is wrong with letting people be happy?

148. Can too much hope possibly be a bad thing?

149. Hope is irrational.

150. In Bavaria, we have a saying:

151. It means, "This is the most depressing fucking kid

152. I've ever met in my life."

153. I sit down once again with Thugnificent,

154. who appears to have undergone a political awakening

155. since our last conversation.

156. So you know who Obama is now?

157. Oh, no, I knew who the nigga was.

158. I was just joking. You were not joking.

159. You jumped on the Obama celebrity bandwagon

160. because it will give you much needed exposure.

161. No, see. It ain't even got nothing to do with that.

162. You know what I'm saying?

163. I started looking into his political positions and his—

164. And his policies and views and whatnot.

165. What policies? I heard the nigga speak,

166. and he was talking about changing some shit

167. or hoping for some shit, and I thought: "Yeah."

168. I mean, all the nigga's asking for is hope.

169. You can sit on your ass all day and hope.

170. If you too lazy to hope you a lazy motherfucker,

171. that's all I know.

172. I'm voting for Obama

173. because he's gonna lower my taxes.

174. Actually, he has promised

175. to raise taxes at your income level.

176. Huh?

177. And he's just really, really fit...

178. to lead. And also body fit too.

179. Well, I also support Obama

180. because he's against corporate bailouts.

181. That is also not true. Huh?

182. I'm supporting Obama because he black.

183. And he's gonna get the troops out of Afghanistan, right?

184. Also wrong.

185. Then what the fuck that nigga gonna do?

186. We all need to, you know, do some shit sometimes.

187. You know what I'm saying? Some shit needs to get done.

188. And until we do that shit, shit ain't gonna change.

189. So I thought to myself, "Let's do this shit."

190. about doing this damn song.

191. Thugnificent joins

192. will.I.am's all-star celebrity tribute to Barack Obama.

193. WILL.I.AM: ♪ Now I'm dick-riding

194. ♪ Obama, Obama

195. It is finally election night.

196. Robert Freeman is throwing a party.

197. Well, it's been a long, black struggle.

198. And I felt me and Barack deserved a party.

199. All around I see black faces beaming with elation.

200. Yeah, man, I'm gonna be the next black president.

201. It is as though each of them has been elected president.

202. Almost each of them.

203. What's wrong with you?

204. I thought you'd be dancing on your tail

205. with the rest of the circus chimps. Look at them.

206. Just as happy as a pig in shit.

207. Can't they see?

208. Can't they see what this nigga's gonna do

209. to our great country?

210. Looks like we the only two people with sense

211. in this whole room.

212. Just you and me. Just you and me.

213. Ruckus, shut up and get back to work.

214. And grab some more champagne.

215. See? Niggas already getting uppity.

216. So I'm thinking that this gonna be my new look.

217. Oh. That's a way to go.

218. I mean, I feel like it's more grown-up.

219. Like, having tighter clothes

220. is gonna make people take me more seriously.

221. It's really gonna happen. It's all gonna be better now.

222. It's all gonna be better. Right, honey?

223. Tom, I'm trying to watch this.

224. Yo, yo, yo, I heard the presidential limo

225. is gonna be like a crazy pimped out Cadillac now,

226. with rims and, like, machine guns and lasers.

227. Excuse me.

228. I'd like to propose a toast.

229. Now I'd just like to say

230. that today is a very special day for me.

231. I hope you all are enjoying the cheese, wine

232. and freedom I have struggled so hard to provide tonight.

233. And because of my pain and suffering,

234. the black struggle is officially over.

235. No longer can they keep us down.

236. No longer can we be silenced—

237. Shh! This is it! Shut up! Shut up!

238. And now we have the returns

239. from the West Coast coming in here.

240. Okay. And so yes, folks, we are calling it.

241. Barack Hussein Obama will be

242. the next President of the United States.

243. Yes!

244. Obama! Obama!

245. Obama! Yeah, Obama!

246. For the first time in my life, I am proud to be an American.

247. Yeah!

248. Why, Lord?

249. Obama! Obama!

250. Obama!

251. Obama.

252. It is days before inauguration,

253. and Obama Mania is at a fever pitch.

254. I return to Woodcrest to check on the Freemans.

255. I don't necessarily think of myself as a hero.

256. And when people always ask me if I want a medal

257. or a monument or a statue in my honor, I say,

258. "No, mm-mm. Mm-mm."

259. All I want to do is be there in person,

260. on that glorious day,

261. when the first black president take the oath.

262. I just want to stand in the crowd, somewhere in the front,

263. maybe in the VIP section, maybe next to Beyoncé.

264. Are you aware that some people are paying

265. as much as $50,000 for VIP inauguration tickets?

266. Well, I don't think you can put a price on decades of struggle.

267. Did you contribute any money at all to the Obama campaign?

268. I paid 10 bucks for this T-shirt.

269. Did you get that from the campaign website?

270. No, I got it from the guy at the car wash,

271. but it's still free advertising when I wear it outside.

272. A lot of people see me in this shirt.

273. I mean, before we change the world,

274. we gotta change ourselves first.

275. I mean, this is the new colorless,

276. flavorless and unscented era.

277. Like, from now on, I'm calling all my niggas "Obamas."

278. And all my bitches I'm calling "Michelles."

279. Think about it. If you was a bitch, right,

280. would you rather be called a "bitch" or "Michelle"?

281. And what about bitches named Michelle?

282. Man, you making jokes. I'm trying to uplift my Obamas.

283. Yes, can you tell the president-elect

284. it's Civil Rights legend Robert Freeman.

285. F-R-E-E-M-A-N, who struggled to open the door

286. for him to be president. You got all that?

287. Right. Just tell him I'm calling again

288. about those tickets. Again.

289. Hey, man, I got that Obama water.

290. Change the way you hydrate, brother.

291. Yo, little man. Hey, hey, check it out.

292. I got commemorative plates, two for 20.

293. How many you need? I'm cool.

294. You believe in a few days we're gonna have a black president?

295. Aren't you excited, little man?

296. Eh.

297. "Eh"?

298. What's "eh" supposed to mean?

299. Just means "eh."

300. What the deal man? What's going on here?

301. Yo, what's deal? I asked this kid

302. if he was excited about Obama and he said "eh".

303. "Eh"? He said "eh"? Yeah.

304. What's wrong with you? You not excited?

305. Not excited? Who ain't excited?

306. This little nigga. Why ain't he excited?

307. You don't like Obama. You want McCain to win.

308. I never said that— Why ain't you like Barack Obama?

309. He got a lovely family.

310. Not according to this little nigga.

311. He got a problem with a black president.

312. Boy, what's going on? What did I tell you

313. about talking to anybody about anything?

314. I didn't say anything. I ought to kick your ass.

315. Everybody, just calm down.

316. Make a hole, darkies.

317. Just what the hell is going on here?

318. Ruckus? Oh, no.

319. This little big-haired nigga hates Obama.

320. And I say good for him.

321. Leave this little boy alone.

322. He telling the truth.

323. Barack Obama is an evil man.

324. Hey, everybody, just calm down.

325. You heard us. You say "Yes, we can."

326. We say, "No, you can't, nigga."

327. Oh, hell no!

328. Ow! I can't see!

329. It's a monkey stampede!

330. Race war! Somebody get him!

331. Idiots. Get in the car quick.

332. Drive! Drive! Go, Granddad!

333. The American press struggles

334. to comprehend the incident.

335. To them, Huey is like a calf

336. that refuses its mother's udder,

337. choosing instead to drink the bitter waters

338. of its own making.

339. Here is the danger of too much hope.

340. Skeptics are treated like blasphemers,

341. and indifference becomes equal to hate.

342. Robert Freeman calls a press conference

343. to do damage control.

344. Huey Freeman is not really my grandson.

345. I refute, renounce, and rebuke him.

346. I hope this incident in no way affects my request

347. for VIP inaugural tickets,

348. and/or slash the inaugural ball with Beyoncé.

349. Rosa Parks is no longer with us,

350. but I consider myself to be the next best thing.

351. In many ways, better.

352. Where is your wife?

353. She's in, uh, D.C.

354. There was a problem or something with the tickets,

355. so we only had one and I let her have it.

356. Are you afraid your wife will have

357. lusty sex with Barack Obama?

358. What? No!

359. No. That's impossible.

360. I didn't ask if it was possible,

361. only if you were afraid.

362. I can't help but notice you are like a less attractive,

363. less wealthy, less powerful version of him.

364. It is quite understandable for you to be concerned.

365. Celebrities, dignitaries and Civil Rights legends

366. are arriving in droves for the inauguration of Barack Obama.

367. Anyone hoping to get tickets at this point, don't bother.

368. The ship has sailed and you are not on it,

369. because you are not important.

370. Hey, Granddad, this was at the door.

371. "Office of the president-elect?"

372. "Mr. Freeman.

373. "Please find enclosed two VIP tickets to the inauguration,

374. "as well as the inaugural ball with Beyoncé,

375. "as a small token of gratitude for all the sacrifices

376. "you've made on behalf of me and this great country.

377. "I look forward to sharing this historic day with you.

378. Sincerely, President-Elect Barack Obama."

379. What's going on? I'm going to the inauguration.

380. You wanna come? Yeah, boy!

381. And just like that,

382. virtually foaming at the mouth with unbridled excitement,

383. Robert and Riley leave for the inauguration.

384. You are looking at the final mission

385. of a domestic terrorist.

386. Operation Exodus.

387. Convinced he has no place in Obama's America,

388. Huey Freeman decides to leave the country for good.

389. And he has an unlikely companion.

390. I was gonna go to the inauguration

391. and try to crown Obama with a brick, but who am I fooling?

392. My arm just ain't what it used to be.

393. Plus, that greasy nigga is really fast.

394. And knowing these liberal activist judges,

395. they might actually try and put me in jail for it.

396. No, I think...

397. I think it's time for me to leave this great country.

398. Oh, I can't bear to see it run

399. by an African Muslim Communist Antichrist.

400. I just can't.

401. It's just like when Nicole Brown Simpson

402. married that nigga O.J. back on February 2, 1985.

403. Oh, I knew it was gonna end badly. I told them.

404. I told them all.

405. But nobody wanted to listen

406. to old Uncle Ruckus then neither.

407. I wanna go someplace I'll fit in, like Norway or Ireland.

408. What about the Ivory Coast?

409. Absolutely no Africa! No way!

410. All them countries got nigga presidents,

411. which defeats the whole purpose of leaving this country.

412. How do you feel being teamed up with your archenemy?

413. First of all, we're not a team.

414. Second of all, we're not a team.

415. I've got gas money, he's got the license.

416. We're just gonna drive to Canada

417. and then go our separate ways.

418. You see, Bill, I consider myself a black leader now,

419. and that means helping Obama and doing anything he asks.

420. Oh, yes, I can hear your concern

421. for the state of the world in that song you did

422. about stomping people in the nuts.

423. Oh, that was the old me. Everything's different now.

424. I'm much, much more politically aware and stuff.

425. Really? Well, name the three branches of government then.

426. The what? Come on, black leader.

427. It's fourth grade Social Studies time.

428. What are the three branches of government?

429. Uh, let's see.

430. They got the main branch.

431. Uh...

432. If you're a black leader, I'm glad I'm a white man.

433. What a moron.

434. What's the point of talking if nobody ever learns?

435. This is an outrage. I have my rights.

436. Oh, them bricks ain't mine.

437. Ain't that a surprise.

438. Already taking away

439. my constitutional right to bear bricks.

440. Martial law! Martial law!

441. Get your arms off of me.

442. We remain a young nation,

443. but in the words of Scripture,

444. the time has come to set aside childish things.

445. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit,

446. to choose our part in history.

447. No! Please! I have VIP tickets!

448. We all got VIP tickets!

449. Hey. Get your hands off me.

450. All right, you in trouble now.

451. I'm calling my nigga Obeezy.

452. Please don't Tase me. Don't Tase me, bro.

453. I'm a old man. I got a heart condition.

454. You can't do this to me! I'm a Civil Rights legend!

455. Save us, Obama!

456. Huey Freeman is forced

457. to abort Operation Exodus

458. because he cannot get a ride.

459. Barack Obama?

460. I just found out that fool is gonna raise my taxes.

461. His promises are just like his tickets: worthless.

462. Good thing I didn't vote for his lying ass.

463. Obama ain't no real nigga.

464. And check this out:

465. I heard he works for the feds.

466. That ain't a good look, Barack.

467. Washington was indescribable.

468. It was just so amazing.

469. And I got to meet him. Was he everything

470. you dreamed he would be?

471. Oh, yes, he was.

472. And so much more.

473. Oh, yeah, I'm still down for the cause and shit,

474. but I'm like, hey, I did my part, you know what I'm saying?

475. I got the nigga elected.

476. Time to get back to work, feel me?

477. Doing what Thugnificent do. Besides, them tight-ass clothes

478. was cutting off my circulation.

479. Due to the conditions of my parole,

480. I am unable to leave the country at this time.

481. I am forced to remain here and express my extreme displeasure

482. while in no way threatening

483. the life of the president and his beautiful monkey family.

484. I ask Huey Freeman

485. if he has any final thoughts

486. he'd like to share.

487. Yeah. I'm retired.