The Boondocks 2x7

1. What's good with you, planet Earth?

2. This is your boy, Thugnificent, representing

3. Terra-Belle, Georgia, you know what I'm saying?

4. Lethal Interjection moving next to your home.

5. Check the chain, nigga.

6. I know y'all love my music, and love my videos and shit,

7. but be fully prepared to drink hella Haterade, nigga.

8. 'Cause y'all about to see how good it is to be me

9. and how bad it is to be you.

10. We got plenty of hoes bending, we got 24s spinning.

11. It's Thugnificent's crib, nigga. Let's roll.

12. I like to give haters something to hate

13. right when they get to the door, nigga.

14. Ding... dong.

15. Don't nobody do it like this here, nigga.

16. We do it real grande around here, man.

17. Ain't nobody got one of these —

18. a doorbell with real bitches singing the notes.

19. Ding... dong.

20. That's right, nigga.

21. Whore-bells.

22. Yeah, you know, I believe in investing in the arts.

23. And I believe in investing in myself.

24. Now, this shit right here,

25. this is some old John Woo shit, nigga.

26. This from the movie Killer.

27. You know what I'm saying? That's me, though.

28. You mad? You hating, my nigga?

29. Well, it's hard not to, nigga. Ha-ha!

30. You might wanna send your lady out of the room

31. for this next one, man.

32. She about to start looking at you

33. like a serious disappointment, man.

34. A living room

35. with a motherfucking Jacuzzi, nigga.

36. Oh, but there's more, my nigga.

37. This is the straw that breaks

38. the haters' camel's back, nigga.

39. I got hulks on tap, nigga.

40. Observe.

41. Shit. This one nigga

42. came through here with his bitch.

43. Left with a case of hate poisoning, nigga.

44. You know what I'm saying? Hey, flo.

45. Tell 'em about that nigga that got his spirits crushed

46. by the rubies and the diamonds and shit.

47. He killed hisself, man,

48. took his own life and shit, you know what I mean?

49. Suicide note was some shit about his ex-girlfriend

50. and all of that.

51. We all knew that the shit was about

52. the diamonds and the rubies and the Jacuzzi.

53. Now, this aquatic adventure park

54. is especially for y'all niggas out there

55. with your little inground pools,

56. diving boards or whatever.

57. Step your pool game up, nigga.

58. We slide down with ours.

59. You know what I'm saying?

60. Your bitch does.

61. Now, this right here is what I like to call my bitch tank,

62. and this bitch is Debbie.

63. Y'all broke niggas keep buying fish food if you want.

64. Hey, don't sweat it, homey. 'Cause when it's time

65. to show the world how the broke niggas live,

66. maybe MTV will come to your house,

67. and it'll be your turn to shine, but until then,

68. tell your moms to get off my dick, nigga.

69. And get the hell up out of here, bitches.

70. To being on Cribs.

71. The fulfillment of a lifelong dream

72. of the last six or seven years.

73. It was a big day for my homey

74. Thugnificent,

75. being on Cribs and all.

76. I love to see my niggas on TV shinin',

77. 'cause when they shine, I shine.

78. Sort of.

79. Goddamn. Could somebody tell me what time it is?

80. What's wrong with your watch?

81. Shit, nigga, the sun is reflecting all this ice.

82. I can't see a motherfucking thing.

83. Man, get the fuck out of here.

84. No, for real, nigga. Look. Oh, shit. Damn, man.

85. Flo, you got your stunna shades, right?

86. Yeah.

87. Put the motherfuckers on, nigga. Tell me what time it is.

88. Damn, nigga. It's 2:30.

89. Hey. The doorbell girl was wondering

90. if you're expecting and more company

91. because she can stay if you want, but in 20 minutes,

92. it's gonna be time and a half, so...

93. Time and a half? Hell no.

94. Send that bitch home.

95. Mack, the hoes are supposed to be here at noon.

96. What the fuck?

97. Man, Quinten just texted me. He say the hoes is en route.

98. Quinten's hoes is always en route.

99. They ain't never in here.

100. Damn. We might as well be working at Kinko's.

101. Hey, Thugnificent, I'm taking off.

102. Just wanted to say thanks for the opportunity. It was great.

103. Hey, little mama, why don't you stay and kick it with

104. us for a little bit?

105. Hey, hey, hey, hey. You sure you gotta leave?

106. Sorry. My boyfriend's here. He wanted to meet you so bad,

107. but he's gotta get back to work at Kinko's, so bye.

108. Hey, did you want the water slide to keep going?

109. Because it is getting expensive. I mean, it's your money.

110. I'm all, like, it's — whatever.

111. No.

112. No, cut it off. Shut it off!

113. My ass!

114. Hey! Who turned off the motherfucking water?

115. Hey, guys. What I got to do

116. to become a member of the Lethal Interjection crew?

117. Man, you wanna be down with us?

118. You're talking about joining a family.

119. This crew is made up of niggas

120. I've known my whole life, shorty.

121. Except for Flonominal and Macktastic,

122. who I met through the label last year,

123. but we're like brothers, though.

124. Lethal Interjections is about rags to bitches, nigga.

125. Man, I'm about rags to bitches, too.

126. It's about getting paper, my nigga.

127. Now, you know I'm all about getting my paper.

128. Come on, man, you gots to let me in the crew.

129. Now, Riley, I want you to know

130. that even though we doin' it real grand,

131. if this rap shit don't work, we running up in nigga's houses.

132. You know what I mean? For real. Better believe that.

133. We're gonna be hittin' the streets, son,

134. moving mad rock all day,

135. selling that real heavy drug shit.

136. Know what I mean? All day, son.

137. Or we be flipping them burgers at Wendy's, my nigga.

138. You know what I mean? With fries and shit. I'll do whatever.

139. Shakes, all that. Extra ketchup.

140. "You need some napkins?" You feel me?

141. What the fuck is you talking— ? What the fuck was that?

142. I'm sorry, man. Shut the fuck up.

143. I wasn't thinking about it when I did it.

144. I— I should've said, like, Burger King.

145. Let's just go to the initiation.

146. The first test is the agreeability test.

147. Before you are a member of the team,

148. we have to make sure you share

149. my Thugnificent taste and sensibilities.

150. Ho-ho, shit, nigga. That motherfucker's banging.

151. You hear that bass line?

152. Yo, it's blazing, son. That shit is incredible, kid.

153. I mean, it's hot-hot, but you know me.

154. I would just turn up the bass a little higher in the monitor —

155. Fuck you, hating-ass nigga.

156. Nobody give a fuck what your dumb ass think.

157. Give me this motherfucker.

158. Get your ass up out of here, you hook-ass nigga.

159. MAN #1: Tired of this. MAN #2:

160. Punk-ass, pussy-ass nigga.

161. Get the fuck up out of here with that bullshit.

162. MAN #1: Beat it. MAN #2: Nigga.

163. Anyway, Riley, what do you think?

164. Uh, I think it sounds really good.

165. Are you sure you like it? 'Cause if you wanna be down

166. with the Lethal Interjection crew,

167. you got to really think it sounds good.

168. I do. How good?

169. Uh, real good?

170. Okay, you passed.

171. Next is a test of courage.

172. Yeah, yeah.

173. Yeah. Oh, hey, shorty.

174. You got it, nigga. Get on and do that thing.

175. Yeah, yeah, my niggas.

176. What up, dawg?

177. What, what, what?

178. MAN #1: Yeah. Hey!

179. MAN #2: Do that shit. Yeah!

180. I see you, homey. Go ahead, nigga.

181. Ride it out, nigga.

182. The third test is a test of intelligence.

183. Find a way to get some hoes over here.

184. MAN: Do it, man.

185. Yeah, good luck with that one. I can get hoes over here.

186. What y'all niggas know about Myspace?

187. Uh, wait. Yo, word to mother,

188. I heard about this shit. You know what I mean?

189. I know a lot of girls on Myspace.

190. I mean, I don't really pay much attention to 'em, though,

191. 'cause I be's all about my paper.

192. Hey, yo, you talking to girls your age,

193. or grown-up girls and shit?

194. Man, grown up. They got little pictures of each one, too,

195. so you can see what they look like.

196. And you can reach these hoes

197. and tell 'em to come over here and get bucked-naked?

198. Yep, yep. How many?

199. I don't know. About a hundred, 110...

200. Thousand.

201. Damn.

202. See, this search engine hooks it up

203. so that I can find all the hoes in a 50-mile radius

204. that are fans of your music.

205. Hey, yo, dawg. You're like a motherfucking

206. computer genius and shit — Oh, wait.

207. Goddamn.

208. Want me to ask them to come over?

209. Say, baby girl. Hey, boo, check it out.

210. Come holler at a pimp one time with your fine yellow ass.

211. Come here, boo. Let me holler at you.

212. Uh-uh.

213. Well, fuck you then, bitch. Bucket-mouth ho.

214. Well? Not bad for short notice.

215. So — So am I in the crew?

216. Do I get a chain?

217. Come back tomorrow, partner. Yeah, yeah.

218. I'm gonna get a chain.

219. Oh, of course. Now I get it.

220. Huey, you not a real nigga like me, see.

221. You don't understand how bad a nigga need a chain.

222. If I had a chain,

223. everything in my life would be perfect.

224. Well, what happened to the chain that Aunt Cookie bought you?

225. Nigga, you know that wasn't no chain. That was a necklace.

226. This'll be a real chain. Ooh-hoo.

227. Man. I can't wait for niggas to start hating. I can't wait.

228. So you judge your success by the amount of ill will

229. you generate from those around you?

230. Hey, if niggas ain't mad at you, then you doin' something wrong.

231. By that definition, then, you have a very bright future.

232. Thanks, man.

233. Having been shown to be a nigga

234. of impeccable character,

235. I do hereby announce that Riley Freeman

236. is officially part of the Lethal Interjection crew.

237. All the hate and envy that I've collected

238. with this chain over the years

239. will now transfer to you.

240. Now, just remember what you represent

241. when you have it on, and be proud of it.

242. There isn't a single member of the Lethal Interjection crew

243. that isn't ready to die for his chain, nigga.

244. Uh, no, not me. Uh-uh.

245. Well... No thanks.

246. Except for Leonard.

247. But he's bitch-made.

248. Your chain, my nigga.

249. Your chain.

250. Yeah.

251. As soon as I woke up, I knew who took my chain.

252. Butch Magnus Milosevic.

253. Butch Magnus? Crazy Butch Magnus?

254. Something's really wrong with that kid.

255. The most fucked-up child I've ever met in my life.

256. My long-ass, sorry, motherfucking Goddamn life.

257. Butch Magnus? Awful, terrible human.

258. It makes me sick to think of him. I'm gonna vomit now.

259. Otherwise known as "One-Punch" Butch.

260. He like to jack you first,

261. and then ask for your shit all after the fact.

262. What kind of sandwich is this?

263. What are you listening to?

264. Let me ride your bike real quick, bitch.

265. Last year, Butch was expelled

266. from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy for Boys

267. for assaulting a nun.

268. Give me this shit.

269. He even made it on one of them Maury Povich episodes,

270. where they send them kids to boot camp.

271. You listen to me, you fat little turd.

272. I'm not your mama, and I'm not gonna put —

273. Uh-oh. Looks like someone caught a beat-down.

274. Ain't nobody catch no beat-down.

275. I got snuck by this bully, Butch Magnus.

276. He sucker-punched me. Hm? A bully, huh?

277. Well, there's only one way to deal with bullies.

278. You gotta stand up to him. I remember when I was young,

279. there was one bully, big dude. I forget his name.

280. Anyway, he used to pick on anybody.

281. Steal your bike, your chain.

282. And one day, I had enough.

283. And I confronted him.

284. And I had a gun. But you know what?

285. I didn't want to use my gun.

286. Back in my day, we fought with our hands.

287. Deebo, that was his name. Deebo. Big, old, ugly dude.

288. And — And I had a friend named Smokey.

289. And then I grabbed myself a brick —

290. Granddad, you didn't live that. That's from that movie, Friday.

291. Oh, yeah. Heh-heh-heh.

292. Well, the lesson is still the same.

293. Uh, wait, what was the question?

294. Dude, that is really sweet.

295. That's like a sweet piece of —

296. Hey. Bitch Magnus. BOY #2: Uh-oh.

297. What did you call me?

298. I called you a bitch, 'cause you's a bitch.

299. What, you thought I wouldn't come see you?

300. You thought you wouldn't go get the taste

301. smacked out of your mouth

302. for trying to jack young Reezy?

303. You better fall back, nigga.

304. You can't beat me. I'm Butch Magnus.

305. You real good when you come out of nowhere

306. and sucker punch a nigga.

307. Why don't you fight a nigga straight up?

308. Yeah. Ha-ha.

309. Yeah, you didn't see that coming, did you?

310. Did you see that? I hit that fool like —

311. Yeah!

312. You gonna beat Butch? Come on.

313. Ow. Ah.

314. You had enough? You had enough of Butch?

315. Ha!

316. Is that all you've got?

317. Little bitch.

318. You gonna give me my chain back.

319. Well, you were looking for hate. Way to go.

320. Shut up, punk.

321. Instead of being Mr. Funny Nigga,

322. why don't you try being

323. Mr. Help-A-Nigga-Go- Get-His-Chain-Back?

324. Man, I gotta find a way to get it

325. before Thugnificent finds out.

326. Riley, let the chain go.

327. Thugnificent wants it back, he can handle it.

328. Then he'll think I'm a punk and kick me out the crew.

329. It's just rocks and metal.

330. It's only worth what you're willing to give up for it.

331. Is it worth getting hurt again? Yeah.

332. Going to jail? Yeah.

333. Getting killed? Yes, sir.

334. Kissing a man? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

335. Whoa. Kissing a man? I mean, if it feels natural,

336. and that's what you're into —

337. No, that don't count. That's a do-over.

338. I didn't know you was gonna say that.

339. Guess you really want that chain back.

340. No. The answer is no!

341. Hell no, I don't agree with Huey.

342. Don't let nobody take nothing from you, boy.

343. Shoot, I remember back when I let a friend

344. borrow my copy of Al Green's Live in Tokyo.

345. He never gave it back to me. Then when I asked for it,

346. he said he didn't have it.

347. Well, I knew he was lying,

348. but he would never let me back into his house after that.

349. Well, one day, he wins

350. this all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

351. And after he left, that's when I made my move.

352. I knew it.

353. Wow. That is so gangster.

354. You ran up into his crib? Sure did.

355. But you wanna know the brilliant

356. part of this story?

357. He didn't win no all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii.

358. I bought those tickets myself.

359. Nice move, Granddad.

360. So you spent, what, a thousand dollars

361. to retrieve a $20 album?

362. Well, back then it was probably more like a $5 album,

363. but I got my album back.

364. Nobody can say they got one over on your granddaddy.

365. I'm original O.G.

366. You do whatever it takes, boy. Whatever it takes.

367. Oh, come on, Ed, you gots to help me out.

368. Kidnapping? Uh — I don't know, Riley.

369. My grandpops would be tripping, man.

370. Why don't you, you know, try something different,

371. like diplomacy for a change? Man, just snatch him up,

372. and if the nigga don't have the chain on him,

373. get to regulatin' him, and make him tell you where it at.

374. ED: Now, what I want you to do is think.

375. Just think of these two grapes...

376. as your two little itty-bitty kiddy testicles.

377. Where is the chain? I don't know!

378. I swear to God!

379. Don't swear to God. I talk to God all the time,

380. and God happens to be the one

381. that told me to torture your ass,

382. you lying, stealing motherfucker.

383. You gonna tell me where that chain is. I know that.

384. Ed, can I talk to you outside?

385. Please.

386. Look at my face. Look at it.

387. I'm gonna crush your kiddy penis

388. with this hammer when I get back

389. if you don't tell me where that chain is at.

390. Now, Ed. Oh, no!

391. That's the wrong kid, Ed.

392. I told you to grab Butch Magnus, 5'4", 130 pounds.

393. Well, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong kid?

394. I gave you a picture, man.

395. How hard is it to grab the right kid, Ed?

396. You told me to grab a kid. I grabbed a kid.

397. You don't like the way I do it, then do your own kidnapping.

398. You know what? That's your only freebie.

399. You want me to kidnap anybody else,

400. you're paying top dollar.

401. That's not fair. You grabbed the wrong kid.

402. Tough titty.

403. My bad. You go ahead and leave.

404. What the fuck you looking all scared for, huh?

405. I said you was free to go, right?

406. Which part of "my bad" do you not understand?

407. Oh, so now you wanna make this

408. a whole big fucking thing, huh?

409. Well, fuck you then. Whoa, whoa, okay, okay.

410. Enough, man. Enough.

411. No, no, man, I'm sick of this shit.

412. I'm trying to squash it, right?

413. And this bitch-ass motherfucker's

414. still acting like he hurt and shit.

415. I ain't even touched this motherfucker yet.

416. I ain't even brushed past you yet.

417. I ain't even made eye contact with your punk ass.

418. Yeah, come on over here.

419. I'll give your bitch ass something to cry about.

420. What's up, world? This is Sway.

421. A member of the Lethal Interjection crew

422. was apparently the victim of a violent robbery

423. in the exclusive suburb of Woodcrest today.

424. The perpetrator, a local 12-year-old

425. named Butch Magnus Milosovic talked to us

426. with apparently no fear of repercussions.

427. Yeah. You know, all I'm saying is, you know,

428. I caught one of them Lethal Interjection cats

429. out here slipping. You know, I ain't gotta say which one.

430. But, uh, if he wanna buy his chain back,

431. he know where to find me.

432. I ain't hidin'.

433. Thugnificent could not be reached for comment.

434. I'm sorry, guys.

435. I did everything I could to get it back.

436. Why didn't you tell us as soon as it got took?

437. I didn't want y'all to think

438. I couldn't handle my own business like a man.

439. Riley. That's the whole point

440. of belonging to a crew, nigga.

441. So you ain't never got to worry about handling shit like a man.

442. Yeah, man. We don't fight fair, nigga.

443. We believe in overwhelming force.

444. Flo, go with the little nigga to get his chain back.

445. Yeah, I'll go with you right now

446. and beat the little shit into the dirt.

447. Fuck the bullshit. Come on, let's go.

448. Wow. You know, you guys are good role models.

449. Butch Magnus.

450. Yeah, motherfucker.

451. You fuck with one member of the Lethal Interjection,

452. you're fucking with every last one of us.

453. Come try all that tough shit with me —

454. Ooh. Oh, man.

455. Oh.

456. My motherfucking leg. Leg, uh —

457. Man, you can take this piece-of-shit chain.

458. My dad had it appraised. He said it was worthless.

459. Oh, Jesus. My motherfuck—

460. Oh. Oh, Jesus.

461. You broke bitch. Get a real chain.

462. My leg is broken.

463. Motherfucking stupid-ass bitch.

464. Motherfucker.

465. Know what? It's still better

466. than an old funky necklace.

467. Call some-motherfucking-body, Riley!

468. We crew, nigga, remember?

469. Help me, Riley!