The Boondocks 2x14

1. Welcome to BET headquarters.

2. I'm Deborah Leevil. It's 2 p.m.,

3. so it's time for our morning staff meeting.

4. Our leader, Bob Johnson, had a dream.

5. A dream of creating a network that would accomplish

6. what hundreds of years of slavery,

7. Jim Crow and malt liquor couldn't.

8. The destruction of black people!

9. Yo, sister! Is that so hard?

10. Mistress Leevil, since BET came into existence,

11. terrible things have happened to black people.

12. Dropout rates, teen pregnancy, unemployment and incarceration

13. have skyrocketed since our debut 25 years ago.

14. We really believe we're making a difference—

15. Silence!

16. Agh!

17. What the devil?

18. The destruction of black people

19. is not happening fast enough.

20. The other day I saw three niggas reading books.

21. One of them was smiling.

22. Yes. He gonna die.

23. No, I'll have to call them back.

24. Oh, and I need another math guy. He gonna die.

25. You know, the dude with the charts and shit.

26. He dead. Yeah, him. I need another one.

27. Yeah, and a cleanup crew. Oh, and another shoe.

28. Left. No, Prada.

29. Wedgie Rudlin,

30. my Harvard-educated president of entertainment,

31. tell me about the evil shows you have in development.

32. Um—Tell it, brother!

33. —Mistress Leevil, my Harvard education tells us

34. that our goal is to take all the shitty reality shows

35. MTV did five years ago, and make them black.

36. Anyone who wants to see a shitty black version

37. of an MTV reality show, well,

38. they'll have to come to us. What else?

39. Next month, we're gonna have our first awards show

40. honoring video hoes.Video hoes!

41. Or as I like to call it, a "Hoe-wards" show.

42. Right.

43. I don't get it.

44. Must be that Harvard humor. Faggot-ass faggot.

45. Personnel, how are we fucking up niggas' money?

46. Well, let's see. As you've requested,

47. nobody outside this room has been paid for months.

48. And you fired everyone that could read.

49. Mm-hm. I love it.

50. Okay, and public relations?

51. Mistress Leevil, we got one thing to report, a'ight?

52. Some little nigga named Huey Freeman.

53. He all critical of the network and shit,

54. talking about a hunger strike.

55. Why? What did we ever do to him

56. except try to destroy black people? What?

57. This hunger strike will continue

58. until BET is taken off the air, the office is shut down,

59. and all its top executives commit Japanese ritual suicide.

60. He's just a kid.

61. No one can stand in my way of destroying black people.

62. Especially not

63. Huey Freeman.

64. ♪ Fake meat

65. It was the third day of my

66. hunger strike to bring an end

67. to the tyranny of Black Entertainment Television.

68. Mm-mm. Man, fake meat is good.

69. Hey, could you pass me one of them veggie burgers?

70. There was someone around here who used to love veggie burgers.

71. You wouldn't remember who that was, would you, boy? Hm?

72. What's with all this hunger strike, boy?

73. What did food ever do to you, hm?

74. Can I be excused, please?

75. No, you are gonna eat with the family, boy.

76. Ain't nobody told you to crusade against BET.

77. BET is out to destroy black people.

78. My nigga, I watch BET every day, feel me?

79. There ain't nothing wrong with me, feel me?

80. Nigga, you just hating, feel me?

81. That's why you ain't never gonna have no paper, no bitches.

82. Boy, watch your mouth. See? That's BET.

83. He's right though, Huey. Women don't like hating.

84. You better listen to your granddaddy. Heh.

85. You don't wanna be bitchless.

86. I know bitchless. Look, I'm bitchless right now.

87. It's no fun.

88. You feel me?

89. Hello? Hey. Uh, good day.

90. I'm looking for brother Huey Freeman please.

91. Speaking.

92. Hey, brother Huey,

93. my name is Reverend Rollo Goodlove.

94. And it's my honor to speak with you.

95. Wait, the Rollo Goodlove?

96. You mean, the Rollo Goodlove

97. who toured with Parliament Funkadelic in the '70s,

98. became a community activist in the '80s,

99. ran for president twice in the '90s,

100. and currently is host of the syndicated public-access show

101. "What's Goin' On?" with Rollo Goodlove, Rollo Goodlove?

102. Mm-hm. The same. Hm. Glory.

103. Anyway, I had to call and share with you my support

104. of your hunger strike. How you feeling?

105. Hungry. Well, you know,

106. you made a powerful statement, young man.

107. And I'm proud to call myself your ally.

108. Are you going on a hunger strike with me?

109. Uh, yeah. Um... Uh, no. No, no, no.

110. You see, I have to have dinner with Puffy later on.

111. But don't you worry though.

112. Together we're gonna bring our enemies to their knees.

113. Now, listen, I'm holding a rally downtown tomorrow, brother.

114. And I would love for you to come and stand with us.

115. Brothers and sisters.

116. I said, bothers and sisters.

117. I don't know what this world is coming to.

118. But if you ask me what I think about BET,

119. I'll tell you with no shame:

120. BET sucks.

121. Suck that dick!

122. Suck!

123. Now, I say that because

124. when I sit and watch BET,

125. my dignity is sucked away.

126. And, uh, my pride is sucked away.

127. And the progress we've made in the freedom struggle

128. over the last five decades is sucked away.

129. Now, brothers and sisters,

130. we are here today because we're not gonna let BET

131. suck anything more from us.

132. I say, stand up and tell 'em:

133. "I will not be a prisoner to your foolishness. I am free.

134. "And I will not be captured by your ignorance.

135. "'Cause I'm free.

136. "I will not be trapped

137. "in your negrofied matrix, either.

138. Because I am free."

139. Uno, dos, tres, cuatro.

140. Yeah, baby!

141. Yeah, reverend.

142. Let me show you how to do it.

143. Right here, baby! Yeah!

144. ♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

145. Yeah!

146. Ooh, have mercy.

147. Brothers and sisters, y'all give it on up

148. for Otis and the Action Band.

149. Granddad, you should have seen it.

150. Reverend Goodlove, it was amazing.

151. Man, the people were so inspired.

152. Oh, yeah, I saw it on the news. Looked like American Idol to me.

153. I still don't know what your problem is with BET.

154. I love Beyoncé. Shoot. Little sweet thing.

155. Ain't you hungry yet?

156. Well, I was thinking that tomorrow

157. we could reach the people by marching

158. to the BET headquarters—

159. Now, now, we ain't gonna do no shit like that.

160. Uh, now, Huey, black people have style.

161. And we are attracted to things of class.

162. Especially you young people.

163. Ahem. Now, see,

164. but that's what makes BET so dangerous now.

165. Excuse me. It sells you young people

166. a lifestyle that you're attracted to.

167. Mm, that's good— But, uh— But you can't afford it.

168. And in order to save them kids, I gotta reach them kids. Mm.

169. Now, see, when I shine,

170. they walk toward me for the light of them diamonds. Heh.

171. Ain't nothing wrong with that. But when they walk away from me,

172. they got the light of their truth.

173. You think I wanna be at the VIBE awards?

174. Do you really believe I want to be

175. ringside at the championship fight? Mm-mm.

176. You think I wanna be doing Skating with the Stars,

177. falling down, fucking up my ankles?

178. Well, goddamn it!

179. Waiter, this ain't no beluga caviar.

180. Now, see, for example, let's look at music.

181. Now, here's my rap demo.

182. Personally, I like jazz and gospel.

183. But if I spit that hot fire,

184. I might be able to reach some of them kids out there.

185. You see, thing with me though is,

186. when I do it, I'm a gonna do it for the people, now.

187. I work all day and night to get their attention.

188. And it's hard. It's hard work, Huey.

189. Look, I even know all the new dances.

190. Mistress Leevil, the new slogans are ready for your approval.

191. Oh.

192. Hm.

193. Uh-huh.

194. Hmm. I'll think about it.

195. Sorry to bother you,

196. Mistress Leevil,

197. but the Freeman boy is on CNN. What's CNN?

198. But I submit to you today—

199. Rollo Goodlove.

200. I know just how to deal with the good reverend.

201. Thanks to Goodlove

202. and a very slow news cycle,

203. the boycott became a big story and started to take off.

204. Man.

205. Fuck BET. I'm gonna read a book.

206. BET was evil.

207. Okay, welcome back, little lambs.

208. Uh, we are sitting here with former BET host,

209. sister Sherry Carter.

210. First things first.

211. You never could get that hair right,

212. now could you, baby? Oh, heh-heh.

213. But we was with you, baby,

214. because you had the big old thighs.

215. And you was a red bone, mmm.

216. Never could understand how a sister

217. that light-skinned had bad hair, though.

218. Is Tigger short for tiger and nigger?

219. Or are you just a big old fan of Winnie the Pooh?

220. We are now sitting here with a former BET host,

221. Tavis Smiley. Now, Tavis, correct me if I'm wrong,

222. but you had some problems over there at BET, now, didn't you?

223. Well, I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't.

224. Yeah, but things went okay for you afterwards.

225. I mean, after all, you do have an NPR show.

226. Well, yes, I do have the NPR radio show.

227. And I also have a talk show on PBS.

228. Oh, two shows. Hm.

229. I guess that beats my one, huh? Heh-heh.

230. You're doing real good, brother.

231. You're doing real good.

232. You know, I don't think I've ever been invited

233. to either one of those shows, though.

234. Well, then, we'll just have to get you on, now, won't we?

235. I mean, heh, I put you on my show.

236. You know, I'm sharing my light.

237. Helping you move a book or two.

238. But I don't see the favor being returned.

239. At all. So I was just checking to see

240. if I had done something wrong to you.

241. I think we're out of time.

242. Motherfucker, that's my line.

243. See, Granddad? That's called exposure.

244. And with enough of it, we can change the world.

245. Mm-hm.

246. And finally tonight, Reverend Rollo Goodlove,

247. who's been very critical recently of BET

248. and their sexually-explicit videos,

249. starred in a pretty explicit video of his own.

250. Oh.

251. The video clearly shows

252. the, uh, good Reverend Goodlove

253. at the House of Cheeks strip club.

254. And it doesn't look like he was talking politics.

255. I bet you're hungry now.

256. I'm saying, man, it doesn't look good.

257. Jesus walked amongst the people.

258. Mohammad walked amongst the people.

259. I am a people person, Huey.

260. All the great prophets embraced the people.

261. You're embracing a butt, Reverend.

262. Listen, child, I can speak in colleges

263. and get paid a whole heap of money.

264. But if you're in college already,

265. you don't need Rollo Goodlove

266. as much as a young brother out there in the gang

267. or a young sister in the strip club

268. needs Rollo Goodlove.

269. Have mercy. Now, see. If I walk into the strip club

270. and start talking to a sister

271. about progressive politics and all that,

272. bettering her life and voter registration,

273. you think she gonna talk to me?

274. But if I grab me a handful of that big old ass

275. and ask for a dance,

276. now, she's gonna think I'm just another trick.

277. When I'm really an instrument of her salvation.

278. Now, I have set the table for change.

279. Yeah. She grinding on me, trying to get that little $20.

280. But she gonna get a whole lot more than that,

281. believe me. Oh, glory.

282. Now, sometimes you'll find her an apartment.

283. Maybe even a job.

284. Yeah, but it still looks pretty bad.

285. I just hope it doesn't hurt the boycott.

286. I don't think I can go without food much longer.

287. This wasn't the first blow

288. to Reverend Goodlove's public image.

289. Do you own a car?

290. 'Cause if you do, you own the keys to some cash.

291. Last year,

292. Reverend Goodlove signed on

293. to pitch high-interest loans

294. that exploit the poor and desperate.

295. Call the Loan Ranger.

296. I feareth not your scandals. My name is Rollo Goodlove.

297. You can't sully my reputation.

298. I take your attacks as a badge of honor.

299. They called Martin Luther King an adulterer.

300. They called Muhammad Ali a communist.

301. And for 2000 years, they called Mary Magdalene a prostitute.

302. Come to find out that's Jesus' baby mama.

303. Y'all saw The Da Vinci Code.

304. I don't know, maybe Rollo

305. just knew how to spin.

306. I don't think there's anything wrong

307. with a stripper's ass in a grown man's face.

308. But I do have a problem with BET

309. putting strippers' asses in the faces of our children.

310. Or maybe by now his followers

311. just weren't surprised by anything he did anymore.

312. Well, of course it was a setup.

313. I believe the release of this video

314. was engineered by BET themselves,

315. working in conjunction with the Republican Party

316. and— And the FBI thing.

317. Goodlove escalated

318. the attack on BET

319. by producing a DVD called BET: The High Cost of Low Standards.

320. These are the poor.

321. These are the forgotten.

322. The victims of black-on-black crime.

323. These are the employees

324. of Black Entertainment Television.

325. Now, these two comedy writers

326. were only offered two dollars for a pilot script.

327. When will this tragedy end?

328. The situation's gotten so bad

329. that workers at this Wal-Mart store

330. took up a collection for BET employees. Wow.

331. I don't know, just seemed like the right thing to do,

332. helping people less fortunate, you know.

333. But, as a Wal-Mart employee,

334. isn't it true that you were forced

335. to work overtime hours off the books,

336. and you had to get on food stamps?

337. Yeah, they forced me to work overtime

338. and get on the food stamps.

339. But at least I ain't workin' at BET.

340. So thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus.

341. Even this non-legal

342. immigrant worker

343. donates money to BET employees every month. Wow.

344. Me and my family, we don't have much,

345. but we give everything we have

346. to the poor BET workers.

347. This is not what America is about.

348. And Black Entertainment

349. Television

350. is really feeling the heat now

351. from this nationwide boycott, started a week ago

352. by a 10-year-old boy on a hunger strike.

353. The NAACP announced this morning

354. that it is asking its members to join the boycott

355. to make the network more socially responsible.

356. Master. Oh, this is an unexpected pleasure.

357. We are honored by your presence.

358. Ah. Okay, first of all,

359. why do you always kneel when I walk in? That's just so weird.

360. Second, we've got to figure out this boycott thing.

361. It's killing us. Ah, but it is Huey Freeman

362. and Reverend Goodlove who'll soon be doing the dying.

363. But we're looking at getting some ninjas in

364. for a cheap price.

365. Yeah, look, just talk to 'em.

366. Give 'em whatever they want, okay? Just handle it.

367. Not everyone is in support of the boycott.

368. Listen to what this BET supporter had to say.

369. Every time a black baby is born,

370. I'd give 'em a plasma TV and one channel: BET.

371. Slap it right on the ceiling over the crib.

372. By the time that nigga's 12, he'll be watching it in jail.

373. Ha-ha-ha-ha! BET forever!

374. BET! Boom-bye-ya!

375. BET! Boom-bye-ya.

376. That's the kind of language they understand.

377. Huh. Surprised you guys haven't given him a show.

378. Call Goodlove. Set up a meeting!

379. It was in the news that I first

380. heard the boycott had ended.

381. The details were sketchy, but there was no mention

382. of the network shutting down, nor of ritual suicide.

383. So I feared I had been had.

384. A show? You sold me out for a show?

385. Damn it, Huey, you can't change BET from the outside.

386. You got to change it from the inside.

387. This is victory, brother.

388. Now, my message—

389. Our message will get to the people.

390. It's a sitcom called My Dad, Rollo.

391. Do you have any idea how hungry I am?

392. You think I want my own sitcom, Huey?

393. No, I really don't.

394. But you can catch more flies with honey

395. than you ever gonna catch with vinegar.

396. And, brother Huey, laughter is that sweet, sweet honey.

397. Oh, Lord, child.

398. Have mercy.

399. Niggas is just gonna be niggas.

400. So you might as well get that money while you bullshit.

401. Why starve? Why just starve?

402. Then go get something to eat.

403. Me and Puffy having dinner at the Chateau.

404. You know you're welcome to come, don't you?

405. Thanks, Granddad.

406. Granddad, what do you do when you can't do nothing,

407. but there's nothing you can do?

408. You do what you can.

409. By the way, did you hear they're giving Ruckus a job at BET?

410. Can you believe that?

411. What the hell's wrong with those people over there?

412. Damn, they'll give anybody a job at BET.

413. I don't want one. Shoot.