The Boondocks 2x13

1. "The Story of Gangstalicious," Part 1.

2. Rapper Gangstalicious

3. has been shot.

4. Again? Again?

5. It was these dudes I used to owe money to

6. back when I was in the drug game.

7. Niggas... coming.

8. How you gonna drop the gun,

9. Gangstalicious?

10. That is not gangsta!

11. That's very not gangsta!

12. This is about things

13. you're too young to understand, little man.

14. This is about thugging love.

15. What the—?

16. And that's when

17. one of them dudes

18. knocked me upside my head, right?

19. And I was having, like, crazy dreams,

20. like Gangstalicious was kissing the other dude.

21. Some old craziness, man.

22. Okay, okay, here it is.

23. What's up?

24. It's your boy. It's your boy, your boy.

25. Look. Okay, the moment you all been waiting for.

26. It's the world premiere.

27. And that's not just around here, that's the whole world.

28. The brand-new Gangstalicious video.

29. The song is called "Homeys Over Ho's."

30. I thought you hate Gangstalicious.

31. I mean, he a punk and all that,

32. but he sent a nigga some free CDs

33. and apologized and all, so I decided to squash it.

34. He still a punk though.

35. That beat is all right.

36. Oh, my God.

37. This is crazy.

38. It's so cool.

39. ♪ Homeys over ho's

40. Oh! It's so hot!

41. See, you gotta remember, it was the '80s.

42. Tight pants, headbands, Jheri curls.

43. You could just be out the closet,

44. and nobody would notice.

45. But that wasn't enough for us. We wanted to stand out.

46. And that's where we made our mistake.

47. The world wasn't ready

48. for gay rappers back then.

49. Sure ain't. But in a lot of ways,

50. I feel like we paved the way

51. for all these gay-ass rappers that's out here nowadays.

52. Mm-hm. It was us. Think about it.

53. Hey, check it out.

54. Gangstalicious sent me a box of free gear.

55. I'm gonna be the first nigga on the streets to rock it.

56. Mmm. Gangstalicious sure does send you a lot of free stuff.

57. Gangstalicious is my homey.

58. Oh, now you're homeys? Yesterday, he was a punk.

59. Sometimes you gotta put aside your differences

60. and work through problems with your homey,

61. so y'all can keep to bein' homeys.

62. You feel me, homey?

63. That's very sensitive of you, Riley.

64. And you're okay with his lifestyle?

65. Well, I mean, I know he ain't no real gangsta,

66. but that's cool 'cause, see, he's in entertainment.

67. He ain't gotta be out in the streets like I do.

68. He's telling our stories for us.

69. So you're okay with him being gay?

70. Gay? Who—? Who said he was gay?

71. Nigga, is you crazy? Heh-heh.

72. Gangstalicious, gay. You— You crazy.

73. Come on, Riley. The song, the dance?

74. I mean, "do the homey"?

75. The homey dance ain't gay. I do the homey.

76. That's not gay? You who thinks everything in the world is gay.

77. Nigga, you gay. You gay. Y'all niggas are gay.

78. Nigga, you gay. That's gay.

79. Don't find any of this gay at all?

80. Okay, so all that other stuff was gay.

81. But Gangstalicious ain't gay.

82. You can't just go throwing that gay thing around, Huey.

83. That's a serious accusation.

84. You the one who said he kissed a man.

85. What I had said was them dudes knocked me upside my head,

86. and I dreamed he kissed another man.

87. How often you have dreams about men kissing?

88. Shut up. I never dream about my heroes

89. kissing other men.

90. Man, stop! This whole conversation is

91. making me uncomfortable.

92. I dreamt about Muhammad Ali just last night.

93. But he was fighting Joe Frazier, not kissing him.

94. Ugh! Gay-ass nigga!

95. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

96. Ooh, I ain't listening to you.

97. Now, 'Licious, you've got the hit song

98. that's killing 'em in the streets right now.

99. Don't— Don't take that literally, folks.

100. Just killing 'em in the streets:

101. "Homeys Over Ho's."

102. And now I'm telling you, the clothing line's jumping off.

103. This thing is— What?

104. What do you say, Gelman? "Off the hook"?

105. Tell us about that.

106. Well, you know, Reege, we just had to bring our own flavor

107. to the fashion game. You know,

108. fashion is a real big thing to me and my crew,

109. you know what I'm saying?

110. Personal grooming, hygiene, facials,

111. shiatsu seaweed wraps, you know, that type of thing.

112. And we not doing it for the females,

113. you know what I'm saying?

114. We doing it just for us, you know? That's real thing.

115. All right now, we got some models.

116. Check it. Over here with some of your new gear.

117. Now, the vest isn't actually bulletproof, correct?

118. No, not really.

119. But it's a hot style.

120. And pink is definitely the in color for this season.

121. And here we have the Gangstalicious super-long tee.

122. Oh, that's long, baby. But that's the style, right?

123. Oh. Why is the backside cut out?

124. I knew you were gonna ask, and I like your attention to detail.

125. I'll tell you why.

126. That way, you won't have to waste time

127. lifting up your T-shirt.

128. You can get to your toast real fast, you know?

129. Get the drop on a nigga.

130. Not that we want the kids to carry guns or nothing,

131. because we always tell the kids that that ain't the way.

132. Matter of fact, I had a song called,

133. "Kids, That ain't the Way."

134. But if you got to pull a burner

135. out on a nigga, this T-shirt

136. could give you the half a second or more

137. that may save your life.

138. Now, this here is just amazing.

139. Pearl necklaces.

140. I didn't know men wore pearls.

141. Oh, yes, definitely. Definitely, Kelly.

142. You know, we just want cats out there in the street,

143. you know, to step their jewelry game up.

144. It's all about pearl necklaces.

145. Wow! Pearl necklaces.

146. Well, I don't know if I could wear one, but fascinating.

147. Yo! Is that the new

148. Gangstalicious gear?

149. Where'd you get that?

150. That outfit is fly

151. right there.

152. Look at those sandals right there, dog.

153. Yo, you said Gangstalicious?

154. He— He sent them shits to you hisself?

155. Me and Gangstalicious been homeys for a minute.

156. Damn! That "Homeys Over Ho's"

157. just shitted on our "Rags to Bitches" joint.

158. Why didn't we think

159. of that, man?

160. We sound like a bunch of bitch niggers

161. that— That need women in their lives or something, man.

162. But we calling 'em bitches and ho's and shit.

163. It ain't like we respectin' 'em.

164. Damn.

165. Yeah, we sound like straight faggots, dog.

166. Ah, still, man, the new single ain't moving.

167. We ain't doing no shows.

168. I got college loans and shit.

169. Hey, bitch. What the fuck is you doing in here?

170. Can't you see the homeys is talking?

171. This is homey talk happening.

172. How you just gonna walk in on homey talk, bitch?

173. Man, y'all ho's is trouble.

174. Nigga, you've been begging me

175. to come over here for a month.

176. You know what? Y'all can get the fuck up outta here.

177. What'd we do? Man, just beat it.

178. It's homey time right now, okay?

179. Hey, yo, word to mother. He— He— He right, yo.

180. Word, son. I'm saying, I-I mean, you know, this is

181. what real niggas out in the struggle

182. wanna see right now, man.

183. Yo, that's real talk.

184. Hey. Y'all should get on the remix.

185. Yeah. That'd be dope.

186. That shit would be unbelievably fucking banging, word to mother.

187. Hey, yo, real talk.

188. That would help me get out of this debt real quick, man.

189. Yeah, but I don't really know Gangstalicious like that.

190. Plus, I heard the nigga's hard to get at too.

191. Ah, man. I talk to Gangstalicious all the time.

192. Hey, yo, for real?

193. Hello?

194. What up, 'Lish? Hey! Hey.

195. Riley, what's up, little man?

196. What's going on? What's good?

197. It's all good, man.

198. Just out here Rick Ross-in' it, not loving them ho's.

199. Ha-ha. Hey— Hey, man, did you get that, uh—

200. That box of clothes I sent you?

201. It's your size, right? Oh, yeah.

202. That was a good look. Appreciate it.

203. Listen, don't even sweat that. Anything for the little homey.

204. You know we homeys got to look out for each other.

205. Hey, speaking of looking out, I don't know if you heard,

206. but I'm down with the Lethal Interjection crew.

207. Oh, yeah. They did that song, "Eff Granddad." That was hot.

208. Their new single ain't really selling that much.

209. They was wondering if you'd do a song with 'em.

210. Maybe they can get on that "Homeys Over Ho's" remix.

211. Mmm. Uh...

212. Yeah. You know what?

213. You know what, Riley? Anything for the little homey.

214. Tell them to call my people, we set it up right away.

215. All right. Thanks, 'Licious.

216. Hey, man, no problem, you know.

217. And, Riley, you know, I just wanted to say, you know—

218. You know, thank you. You know, for, you know,

219. keeping everything just between us, you know?

220. Oh. You mean how you was crying and everything

221. when niggas was chasing us? Oh, man.

222. I ain't gonna tell nobody about that.

223. No, no— I— I mean, you know— I mean, you know—

224. I mean, you know, the other thing.

225. Oh, you mean when they stripped you naked

226. and shot at you?

227. No, I m— Well, I mean, yeah, that too.

228. But I mean, no— I mean, you know, the— The other—

229. The other thing. Uh...

230. what else happened?

231. See, that—? See?

232. That's— That's what I'm talking about.

233. That's why I fucks with you, Riley.

234. Homeys know how to keep a secret.

235. Homeys know how to keep a secret.

236. Uh, okay.

237. All right, man, so I'll call you later.

238. Peace. Homeys over ho's.

239. Hang this up, boo-boo.

240. Mm-hm. Mmm.

241. He said for me, no problem.

242. Yeah, nigga, yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

243. ♪ Homeys over ho's

244. Hey. I just forgot my—

245. ♪ Do the homey

246. Boy, what the hell are you wearing? Is that a bra?

247. What? It's just a wifebeater.

248. Where are your pants? Why you wearing a skirt?

249. No, Granddad.

250. These are Gangstalicious Shorts for Thugs.

251. See, they got an extra flap with a pocket,

252. so you— You know,

253. you hide what you wanna hide from the police.

254. Kind of hot, right?

255. You want me to see if he got your size?

256. But you're carrying a purse. What?

257. Come on, Granddad. This ain't no purse.

258. It's the Gangstalicious Man-Bag.

259. What—? What's wrong?

260. Nothing. Uh...

261. No!

262. What in tarnation

263. is he wearing?

264. I don't know. Do you think he's—?

265. On the train to Fagsville? Absolutely.

266. No doubt in my mind.

267. I'm so sorry, Robert.

268. A gay grandson, huh?

269. I can't imagine anything worse than that.

270. Not Riley. Maybe there's another explanation.

271. Maybe this is some crazy, sick kind of misunderstanding.

272. No. Wake up.

273. Wake up and smell the gay coffee.

274. All the evidence you could possibly need

275. is right in front of your face.

276. It'll only be a matter of time before

277. that little boy'll be a grown man,

278. bent over a table with his pants around his ankles,

279. being entered repeatedly by another man.

280. Choo-choo!

281. Last train to Faggotsville leaving in five minutes!

282. Leaving in five minutes for that chocolate tunnel hole.

283. Hey, boy. Something's wrong with Riley.

284. He's wearing women's clothes and carrying a purse.

285. What do you think it is?

286. Oh, I knew it. A gay grandson.

287. Why me? Oh, man.

288. That's it. It's gonna be weird.

289. It's gonna be so weird from now on.

290. Poor you. You have to share a room with him.

291. Nope. Can't do that anymore.

292. You guys are gonna have to have your own room. That's all.

293. Yep. Got to. No other choice.

294. Probably shouldn't be using the same bathroom.

295. Yes. That's right.

296. Matter of fact, we might have to move Riley

297. out to the garage, and that's all there is to it.

298. has increased greatly in the last 10 years?

299. Why?

300. First, rap culture has been increasingly influenced

301. by prison culture.

302. And prison culture is really, really gay.

303. Second, with rap albums declining greatly

304. in profitability,

305. rappers often depend on fashion lines to make money.

306. And fashion is really, really, really gay.

307. Last but not least, we have a drug called ecstasy.

308. Ecstasy is a love drug

309. that seem to make gay things happen.

310. Bodies start moving and sweating,

311. you can't help but want to suck on something.

312. Hey, boy. Ahem.

313. You wanna go out and play some football?

314. Not right now.

315. Hey, Riley, look.

316. Cutie-pie Cindy's over to visit.

317. You wanna play with her?

318. Young Reezy!

319. What's the business, big baby?

320. Psht. No.

321. Ah! You cold as ice, Reezy.

322. Hey there, boy.

323. Let's spend some man time together.

324. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just you and me.

325. I take you anywhere you wanna go.

326. Now, what do you say, huh?

327. Uh! Let's go chase some girls.

328. Ooh! Let's go shopping.

329. Wait a minute.

330. Maybe if someone talk to him about sex,

331. this'll all straighten itself out.

332. So you gonna talk to him?

333. Oh, no. Mm-mm, mm-mm.

334. No, not me. Mm-mm.

335. So, you see, my dearest Riley,

336. it is this instinctive

337. and burning need to procreate

338. between a man and a bitch

339. that not only keeps the human race going,

340. but also fuels many important industries,

341. such as my very own.

342. So, what do you think about homeys over ho's?

343. Is that something at Denny's? I— I don't know what that is.

344. Homeys over ho's?

345. You know, like, you supposed to put your homey over a ho.

346. That's how pimps do, right?

347. I don't think homeys over ho's is a sentiment

348. that A Pimp Named Slickback can cosign, Riley.

349. I mean, don't get me wrong.

350. A Pimp Named Slickback will put a lot of things over a ho.

351. Money over a ho, always.

352. Brand-new gators over a ho, absolutely.

353. A turkey sandwich with just tomato, guaranteed.

354. But homeys? Oh, no.

355. A Pimp Named Slickback don't do shit for the homeys.

356. Let me reiterate. Don't do shit for the homeys.

357. Unless the homey wanna walk that stroll

358. and get that money,

359. the homey ain't getting a goddamn thing.

360. And the same goes for brothers,

361. peeps, dudes, fellas, dunnies, comrades,

362. whatever the fuck niggas is calling each other nowadays.

363. Sound like some gay shit to me.

364. Hey. Gangstalicious just hit me on MySpace

365. and said he put me on the list for the show tonight. Yeah!

366. Don't you think it's strange a superstar rapper

367. goes out of his way to be nice to an 8-year-old?

368. Gangstalicious loves his fans.

369. Especially the ones that know his dirty little secret.

370. And by "dirty little secret," I mean the fact that he's gay.

371. Shut up! He ain't gay.

372. So, what if he's gay?

373. Statistically speaking, gay men make more money.

374. They're cleaner. Yeah, I guess.

375. They cook better, they're better groomed,

376. less likely to get in trouble with the law.

377. Really? You get all that with gay?

378. And you don't have to worry about

379. any accidental great-grandkids. Huh?

380. That's true. Last thing I need

381. around here is some more kids.

382. See? I don't know.

383. I'm from the old school. I mean,

384. I ain't homophobic, but gay men give me the heebie-jeebies.

385. Oh, come on. What are you gonna do?

386. Stop loving your grandson because he's gay?

387. Well, yeah, I guess.

388. Mmm. But maybe I'll think about it.

389. We're back with our guest Jessica Ethalberg,

390. also known as Wonder Cheeks,

391. reading excerpts from her amazing new best-selling book,

392. The Private Lives of Superstar Rappers.

393. "Of all the rappers I met during those years,

394. "I loved Gangstalicious the most.

395. "I called him Freddy.

396. "I wanted more than anything to give my heart to him forever,

397. but I couldn't because—"

398. "He was so unbelievably gay."

399. "So unbelievably gay"?

400. Gay?

401. That bitch lying. See? This is why I don't read.

402. Riley, he's gay. It's really not that big a deal.

403. Not a big deal?

404. If he gay, I'm his homey and a fan of his music,

405. then that makes me gay too.

406. I like Elton John. It doesn't make me gay.

407. Is Elton John gay? Yeah.

408. See? And you gay. But I know I'm not gay.

409. 'Cause I'm the most not-gay nigga

410. of all the not-gay niggas in the whole universe.

411. But, see, people hate on you when you shinin', see.

412. That's what it is. They make up stories.

413. Like me, I stay shining, so who knows?

414. Pretty soon people gonna be calling me gay.

415. But I'm not! And neither is Gangstalicious.

416. Full-throttle radio. Fatman Scoop, a.k.a. Big Colorado.

417. We're back. And we have in the building with us right now,

418. Gangstalicious himself.

419. Yo, what up, Scoop?

420. What's up with me?

421. What's up with you?

422. You tell me, what's up with you?

423. A lot of crazy things are being said right now about you.

424. I wanted to give you the chance to clear the air right now.

425. So tell the world what your side of the story is.

426. Well, first of all, that— That— That—

427. I ain't even gonna dignify the accusations

428. with a response, you know?

429. 'Cause that's so ridiculous.

430. I ain't got to answer to no bitch.

431. See, this is exactly the kind of shit

432. a scandalous ho is good for.

433. They known for. They notorious for snitching, you know?

434. Whether you snitch to the feds or you snitch to Random House,

435. you know, snitching is snitching.

436. Oh, man. I can't believe this shit.

437. I was gonna be able to pay my car note this month.

438. I knew it. I always had a feeling about that dude.

439. Oh, man! What are we supposed to do now?

440. This gay-ass nigga gonna be here in a hour.

441. Oh, no. We— We can't fuck with the song now.

442. I mean, if everyone, you know, think he a homo,

443. and we get on a track with him,

444. we gonna be homos by association, dog.

445. Man, this is gonna be weird.

446. This is gonna be so weird.

447. I'm keeping these pearls though, my nigga.

448. This shit is fly.

449. True, true. Yeah. You ain't lying.

450. That shit is hot. They is fly.

451. Ah, shit. The nigga's here.

452. Hide! Hide! Turn off the lights.

453. Shh! Shh!

454. ♪ Rock 'n' roll gangsta...

455. Shh! Shh!

456. Oh, shit. Now he calling.

457. Hey, yo, don't even answer the phone.

458. Shh! Shut up.

459. He's gay, isn't he?

460. Yep.

461. And I was his biggest fan.

462. That make me gay, don't it?

463. Yep.

464. I know it's wrong, but I really want my own room.

465. Take it easy on him, Granddad.

466. He's just trying to come to terms with it.

467. No.

468. Granddad. Eh—

469. I think I might be—

470. It's okay, son. I know.

471. I might be.

472. It's okay. It's okay.

473. You are gay. Boy, how did that be?

474. How did that happen?

475. You see, Bernie.

476. It's exactly what I said was gonna happen, remember?

477. This is it. Nobody gonna work with me now.

478. I think it's really—

479. It's really over.

480. Man. Just tell the truth. You gay?

481. Will hip-hop ever accept

482. an outwardly gay rapper?

483. I don't know.

484. First, somebody has to come out the closet.

485. Peekaboo.

486. You wanna talk about gay. You wanna talk about gay?

487. Talk about gay.

488. Dogging out your homey for what some ho say,

489. that's gay.

490. But I saw you. I saw you kiss a man.

491. You saw him kiss me,

492. while I was tied up.

493. Hello? Think I want his old,

494. big, soft, nasty lips on me?

495. Ew. Nasty.

496. Ah, man.

497. You right, Gangstalicious.

498. Heh. My bad.

499. I was trippin'.

500. I should've never brought it up.

501. Of course you ain't gay, man.

502. I'm sorry.

503. Hey, man, it's— Yo.

504. It's all good, little homey.

505. You wanna hang out for a little while?

506. Ew. You still got kissed by a dude.

507. Yeah, I know.

508. But I brushed my teeth with bleach and ammonia

509. when I got home, so you know I'm straight.

510. I'm cool.

511. That's real funny, Gangstalicious.