The Boondocks 1x9

1. Martin Luther King Jr.

2. was shot in Memphis, Tennessee, on April 4, 1968.

3. He was critically injured.

4. Dr. King fell into a coma.

5. The world waited for news of his fate.

6. There were no riots.

7. Time passed.

8. King faded into memory.

9. There was no national holiday.

10. Then on October 27, 2000,

11. 32 years after he was shot,

12. Martin Luther King Jr. came back.

13. King amazed the world when, on November 2,

14. seven days after awaking from a 30-year coma,

15. he showed up to vote in the 2000 presidential election.

16. He was turned away due to voting irregularities.

17. People took to the streets to celebrate

18. the return of their king.

19. Oh, shit! My nigga MLK! Ha-ha!

20. Hey, what's up, folks?

21. Hey, that "got a dream" shit was off the chain, nigga.

22. Okay... Thank you very much.

23. He learned that streets

24. named after him

25. weren't the very safest.

26. King inked a seven-figure deal to write his autobiography

27. called Dream Deferred.

28. Columbia Pictures green-lit a $100 million biopic

29. of Dr. King, starring Cuba Gooding Jr.

30. Oliver Stone was attached to direct.

31. Spike Lee was pissed.

32. King mania was at a fever pitch when on August 1, 2001,

33. Martin Luther King presented Video of the Year

34. with Puffy at the MTV Video Music Awards.

35. I love you, MLK!

36. Well, you know, Puffy, like you, I can't stop.

37. I won't stop.

38. I don't eeeeven know how to stop.

39. My nigga.

40. That's right. Take that, take that.

41. Whoo!

42. And now the nominees for Video of the Year.

43. King was released

44. the week of September 21, 2001.

45. One week after 9/11.

46. Then on October 15,

47. during an appearance on Politically Incorrect,

48. King shocked the country.

49. Dr. King, okay...

50. You're an advocate of nonviolence, but guess what,

51. how do you think the United States should respond

52. to the terror attacks of 9/11?

53. Well, as a Christian,

54. we are taught that you should love thy enemy,

55. and if attacked, you should turn the other cheek.

56. Wh-what?

57. America was outraged.

58. The president was very concerned by some comments made

59. by some "ex-civil rights leaders,"

60. and those people in question should, uh...

61. watch their goddamn, fuckin' mouths.

62. Of course, an al Qaeda lover like Martin Luther King

63. wants us to just roll over and let the terrorists win

64. because he hates America.

65. My suggestion:

66. heh, go take another 30-year nap, Commie bastard.

67. Jack-off.

68. CNN named Martin Luther King

69. one of the ten most unpatriotic Americans.

70. Pansy faggot.

71. His book was canned. ■ Asshole.

72. His house was vandalized.

73. King renamed his book Dream Deterred,

74. and it was finally released by a small publisher.

75. It was called "unimpressive" ■

76. by the Woodcrest Post Gazette.

77. Okay... now.

78. And who am I making this out to?

79. Huey Freeman.

80. Son of a bitch tried to take

81. my parking spot.

82. I should have whupped his ass!

83. Robert Freeman?

84. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

85. I never thought I'd see you again.

86. How you been?

87. Well, I was shot

88. and had a bit of a coma for a few decades.

89. Yeah, I heard.

90. I sent you a card. Did you get it?

91. Well... uh— I-I don't remember.

92. Oh, you remember this one.

93. It was a get-well card

94. especially for people who got shot,

95. and I thought this would be perfect for Martin Luther King,

96. but they didn't sell 'em separately.

97. I had to buy the whole pack.

98. You know, I've been thinking about starting

99. my own greeting card line.

100. Hey.

101. You should come over for dinner.

102. I live right down the road.

103. Well, I believe I'm supposed to be signing books

104. for a couple of more hours.

105. Dude, just go.

106. Where they got you stayin'?

107. I'm staying

108. at a Holiday Inn Express.

109. I feel smarter already.

110. Oh, that's nonsense—

111. You boycottin' baboon!

112. Dance there, you goddamn chunky cheat monkey!

113. Ruckus, what the hell is wrong with you?

114. Don't interfere, Robert.

115. This here's between me and Martin Luther so-called King.

116. Only king I know is Elvis Presley,

117. God rest his soul.

118. Oh, oh, you don't remember me.

119. Well, I've been throwin' bricks at your marchin' ass since 1959.

120. And so, brothers and sisters,

121. you know why—

122. Hey, shut the hell up,

123. you black son of a bitch!

124. What's wrong with y'all?

125. Thank God for the white man's infinite mercy,

126. Martin Luther King.

127. 'Cause if it was up to me,

128. I'd unleash the hound and turn y'all niggers into puppy chow!

129. I was happy at the back of the bus.

130. Ow! My eyeball!

131. Just wait till I get me another brick

132. or maybe a large rock

133. or, you know, one of them teeny, tiny, little cement blocks.

134. Why'd you have to go mess with the natural order of things?

135. I'd have shot you myself,

136. but I realized the white man got better aim.

137. Stop acting crazy.

138. We're going back to my house for dinner.

139. Turn the other cheek and take me with you.

140. I'm hungry.

141. You know, Robert,

142. I spoke to sister Rosa before she passed.

143. She said you were prank-calling her again.

144. She was lying.

145. She had the caller ID, Robert.

146. You prank-called Rosa Parks?

147. She stole my thunder.

148. Robert, you got to let it go.

149. What did Rosa Parks do to you?

150. Robert was a member

151. of the Montgomery Bus Boycott

152. Strategic Planning Committee in 1955.

153. He was on that bus with Sister Rosa that fateful day.

154. No.

155. Okay, this is it, brother.

156. Remember, no matter what they do,

157. nobody gives up their seat.

158. Ya dig?

159. We shall not be moved.

160. Mm-hm.

161. Y'all can go ahead on to the back.

162. We's movin', Mr. Bossman.

163. We's movin'.

164. Lord, sure do wish

165. these here feets could move faster for you, Mr. Bossman...

166. Move, boy.

167. Had some roller skates on,

168. I could get back there real quick.

169. This here far enough for you...

170. No. Mr. Bossman?

171. I can press myself up against the cold glass window.

172. This good? You.

173. Go ahead to the back.

174. No.

175. I am not going to move.

176. Uh— Uh— Uh— M-Mr. Bus Driver, sir?

177. She— She— She ain't move.

178. How dare you refuse to give up your seat, woman!

179. What are you, some kind of history-making crusader

180. for justice? Yes, we are!

181. You think you're gonna change history on your own?

182. Is that it, woman? All by yourself?

183. That lady sure has courage.

184. Hey! What—? What about me?

185. I got courage.

186. You wants me

187. to fetch the police

188. for you, Mr. Bus Driver, sir? Get me the sheriff.

189. I got a colored woman who don't wanna give up her seat.

190. Stay strong, Sister Rosa!

191. She's so brave!

192. We'll love you forever!

193. That's right. Take us to jail.

194. We're not afraid.

195. Stay out of trouble, nigger.

196. Robert, you didn't.

197. They laid her in state.

198. They ain't gonna lay my black ass in state.

199. They gonna lay me at the Johnson fuckin' Mortuary

200. down the damn street.

201. Mm-mm. Yeah.

202. Hm!

203. Well, anyway, Dr. King,

204. I just wanted to say that even though

205. you've been catching a lot of flak recently,

206. we're very honored to meet you, really.

207. Get off his dick.

208. Ow!

209. Man, I'm just sayin',

210. Mr. DuBois riding Dr. King like a rodeo show.

211. Ow!

212. Stop it!

213. You don't look famous.

214. What are you, an actor?

215. Is you Morgan Freeman?

216. Ow! Boy, stop acting crazy.

217. You know that's Martin Luther King.

218. Now, go clear the dishes.

219. Why can't this Morgan Freeman King dude

220. clear the dishes?

221. Shoot, the nigger just had a free meal.

222. Riley, come here.

223. Get over here. No.

224. How can you embarrass me

225. in front of Martin Luther King? Stop, Granddad!

226. What is wrong with you? Ow!

227. I hate Morgan Freeman King!

228. I wish he never came here!

229. Hm.

230. What happened, Huey?

231. What happened to our people?

232. I think... everyone was waiting

233. for Martin Luther King to come back.

234. The Martin Luther King they're waiting for, Huey,

235. is gone forever.

236. Dr. King?

237. Dr. King?

238. It's time to get up.

239. You got an interview today.

240. I'm not going.

241. I quit.

242. Dr. King!

243. I don't wanna. Mm-mm.

244. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.,

245. you get out of that room and continue to fight

246. for freedom and justice this instant!

247. Come on.

248. Think about it, Dr. King,

249. you missed out on four decades of media evolution.

250. Oh, God!

251. Sorry, Mr. White Man, sir—

252. What the people need is the truth.

253. And not the pretty truth.

254. The horrible, awful, terrible truth

255. that hurts people's feelings.

256. The truth that makes people get angry

257. and get up and do somethin'.

258. Huey, I just don't think I belong in this new world.

259. I don't know if I need

260. the 20-gig iPod or the 40-gig.

261. I tried to download some Mahalia Jackson,

262. but I lost my iTunes password.

263. I really should have approvals over this kind of thing.

264. A political party?

265. Not just any political party,

266. a black revolutionary political party.

267. But why me?

268. You should ask Oprah to do it.

269. She's more popular, and if you ask me,

270. a darn pretty lady.

271. Oh, snap. No, they didn't.

272. A boneless rib sandwich.

273. What will they think of next?

274. I know I shouldn't eat these,

275. but they're for a limited time only.

276. Oh...

277. I really should have approvals over this kind of thing.

278. And so the philosophy of this new political party

279. might be considered extremely leftist by some—

280. Do you love America?

281. I'm sorry?

282. You sure as hell are, buddy.

283. Why can't liberals ever answer that question

284. with a simple yes, huh?

285. If you ask me if I love America, I say yes!

286. Why can't you say yes? Say you love America right now.

287. Say it.

288. The party's basic philosophy is—

289. Say it!

290. Sir, I will not be—

291. Say it or shut up!

292. We'll be back with more fair and balanced coverage after—

293. Oh! He just hit him! He—

294. I thought that went well.

295. You know, Huey, those of us who do adhere

296. to the philosophy of nonviolence,

297. frown upon the throwing of furniture

298. to resolve our political differences.

299. Where did people go for information before cable news?

300. We can do it like we did back in the day.

301. We'll go into the streets and tell the people.

302. DJ: What up, y'all?

303. You got it locked on WFRK, The Freak.

304. That was my main man Gangstalicious

305. with "Thugin' Luv."

306. We goin' to the phones.

307. WFRK?

308. Hello? Am I caller 13?

309. DJ: You sure are.

310. And you know what that means?

311. What? DJ: It means you're going

312. to the Martin Luther King emergency action partay!

313. Oh, my God!

314. Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

315. I can't believe it!

316. DJ: It's gonna be

317. all the way live,

318. and, baby girl, you're gonna be in the building.

319. Tell me the station that's helping you

320. shake your stankin' ass with Martin Luther King.

321. WFRK, The Freak!

322. Dr. King, why are they giving away tickets

323. to our emergency action planning meeting

324. on 95.5, WFRK, The Freak?

325. Well, Huey, I thought about what you said

326. about not having enough experience with modern media,

327. so I hired an urban promotions firm to help get the word out.

328. Uh-oh. Was that bad?

329. Huey, are you sure we're in the right place?

330. I'm on Ray-Ray's list.

331. Check the list for Ray-Ray.

332. Excuse me, bro.

333. Awww!

334. What's up?

335. My name is Huey—

336. I'll tell you right now,

337. y'all ain't gettin' in without no female.

338. What? Sir, we need to get in 'cause I—

339. I'll tell you right now,

340. you ain't gettin' in with them shoes.

341. What's wrong with my shoes?

342. Excuse me, sir.

343. I'm Martin Luther King.

344. And I'm Malcolm X, nigger.

345. You still ain't gettin' in here with them shoes.

346. Sir, please? Young man, I...

347. Mm... 50 bucks.

348. What?

349. Fifty bucks each.

350. You want to get in or not?

351. Aw, yeah. Come on.

352. Yeah, uh-huh.

353. Oh, hell nah!

354. Come on.

355. Yo, we gotta get back there.

356. I tell you right now,

357. You ain't gettin' back here without a wristband.

358. A what? A wristband.

359. Hey.

360. This is Martin Luther King.

361. I'm surprised they let you in here with those shoes.

362. I'm just sayin',

363. I'm just sayin' it's only right if you recognize all the kings.

364. The Kings of Comedy, the king of rap,

365. Rodney King, the king of beer, King Kong, Don King.

366. All right!

367. Whoo! That nigga was deep.

368. Okay, we all got to stop and give thanks to my nigga God.

369. Thank you, white Jesus,

370. for making all this positive black shit possible. Amen.

371. Okay. Let's keep this motherfucker movin'!

372. Ha-ho!

373. While we waited,

374. the first black political party

375. was everything you expected it would be.

376. There were the hustler preachers.

377. And that's why you have to go buy my new book,

378. so God can help you lose weight

379. and get a husband with the benefits.

380. The rapper truce.

381. Oh, yeah, and there was also

382. the inevitable fight.

383. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, security!

384. Come get these ghetto-ass niggas!

385. Niggas always gotta mess some shit up! Damn!

386. Out of the club!

387. Excuse me.

388. Brothers and sisters, please.

389. If someone could just turn off—

390. King looked out on his people

391. and saw they were in great need.

392. So he did what all great leaders do.

393. He told them the truth.

394. Will you ignorant niggers please shut the hell up?

395. He just said what I think he said?

396. Is this it?

397. This is what I got all those ass-whuppings for?

398. I had a dream once.

399. It was a dream that little black boys

400. and little black girls

401. would drink from the river of prosperity,

402. freed from the thirst of oppression.

403. But lo and behold, some four decades later,

404. what have I found but a bunch of trifling,

405. shiftless, good-for-nothing niggers?

406. And I know some of you don't want to hear me say that word.

407. It's the ugliest word in the English language,

408. but that's what I see now: niggers.

409. And you don't want to be a nigger

410. 'cause niggers are living contradictions.

411. Niggers are full of unfulfilled ambitions.

412. Niggers wax and wane.

413. Niggers love to complain.

414. Niggers love to hear themselves talk, but hate to explain.

415. Niggers love being another man's judge and jury.

416. Niggers procrastinate until it's time to worry.

417. Niggers love to be late.

418. Niggers hate to hurry!

419. Black Entertainment Television

420. is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.

421. Usher, Michael Jackson is not a genre of music!

422. And now I'd like to talk about Soul Plane.

423. I've seen what's around the corner.

424. I've seen what's over the horizon,

425. and I promise you, you niggers have nothing to celebrate.

426. I know I won't get there with you.

427. I'm going to Canada.

428. Thank you, Huey.

429. Thank you, Dr. King.

430. Do what you can.

431. That was the last time

432. I saw Dr. King,

433. but the story doesn't end there.

434. King's speech was replayed the entire next day

435. on the cable news channels.

436. Then something unexpected happened.

437. People got angry.

438. Nobody knows exactly what to attribute

439. to the sharp decline in African American dropout rates.

440. —that is every

441. African American player

442. in the NBA refusing to play

443. until there is a full troop withdrawal—

444. —billionaire Bob Johnson apologizing to black America

445. for the network he founded—

446. —the White House and Congress

447. are receiving an unprecedented amount of calls

448. from irate African Americans.

449. And the revolution

450. finally came.

451. The mob is refusing

452. to disperse.

453. The president is urging everyone

454. to stay calm and obey the curfew.

455. You're horrible!

456. You liar!

457. Murderer! Fire!

458. Come on! Go, go, go, go, go!

459. It's fun to dream.