The Boondocks 1x14

1. Folks, we are looking

2. at some serious temperatures. How hot is it?

3. Well, let's just say it's hot.

4. Hotter than the barrel of Dick Cheney's gun.

5. This heat is relentless. Also coming up later today—

6. Wow, you look great. Thank you.

7. Hey! You really look great.

8. Nobody predicted

9. the heat wave.

10. You want to come over

11. to my house?

12. But everyone seemed to be enjoying it.

13. Yeah, ask your mom. Okay.

14. They say the heat makes people crazy.

15. Hey, Bill.

16. Hey, how are you there, Gina?

17. I love your flowers.

18. Come on, everybody.

19. Come on, everybody. What you waitin' for?

20. Huh?

21. Oh, my hair!

22. Riley.

23. What?

24. White people have pools.

25. Nigga, what's with the coat?

26. Hey. You quit playin' with that white man water, boy.

27. And you, turn off that goddamn jungle noise.

28. What?

29. You heard me.

30. Turn off that goddamn black, African, Congo jungle noise!

31. Son of a bitch!

32. I'm gonna show your little black ass.

33. You wait until they here.

34. Hello? 911. Breaker 911. 911 emergency.

35. This is Uncle Ruckus. I'm on Timid Deer Lane.

36. A little monkey's sprayin' water all down my esophagus

37. and hittin' my nether region.

38. That's right, officer.

39. He even done sprayed me on my brand-new shirt

40. that I finally—

41. Well, if it ain't the brave men and women

42. of the police department come save the day.

43. Get out of the truck and show me some ID!

44. ID? Oh, that's a fine idea, officer.

45. Can't be too careful.

46. I'm just gonna reach into my pocket

47. and take out my—

48. Gun!

49. Ah! Mr. Policeman, wait!

50. Wait! It's a case of mistaken identity!

51. Hey, watch out, now!

52. Please, not me.

53. I got Indian in my family. Seriously.

54. Hold your fire!

55. It's okay, officers. It's okay.

56. I have a backup wallet, just in case.

57. That's where I keep my spare Blockbuster card.

58. Gun!

59. Hey, what—? What you all doing, here?

60. Ow— Oh! Ow! Oh!

61. I appreciate what you're doing,

62. but it's the wrong fellow.

63. It was 90 degrees,

64. and the temperature was rising.

65. Now, honey, you sure you have enough water and a calculator?

66. I have everything I need, Daddy.

67. Oh. I can't believe what happened to Ruckus.

68. Morning, Huey.

69. What a great day today.

70. Whatever.

71. Huey Freeman, you're the only person I know

72. who can take a beautiful day like this

73. and turn it into a problem.

74. What's that box for?

75. It's my soapbox.

76. If you have important things to say, you use a soapbox.

77. Sir, would you like to hear

78. about how the government wants you dead by 62,

79. so you can't collect on social security?

80. Is that true?

81. Yes, but lemon juice can lead to a longer, healthier life.

82. Oh. I'll take a cup.

83. See? You depress him,

84. and I had a lemonade ready to cheer him up.

85. That's called synergy.

86. Damn, it's hot.

87. The police were responding

88. to a call about a broken fire hydrant

89. when they pulled over the suspect

90. here on Timid Deer Lane.

91. The officers apparently mistook

92. the suspect's safety-orange wallet for a gun

93. and shot at him 118 times, and beat him.

94. What did I see?

95. Well, that brings up

96. an interesting philosophical question.

97. Is it okay to snitch to the police on the police?

98. Prozac can lead to suicide.

99. But lemonade can lead to smiles,

100. which can cause dimples.

101. Dimples? I'll take two.

102. Thank you.

103. You're good for business.

104. What's this here?

105. "Jazmine's Lemonade Parade."

106. The E's are backwards.

107. Interesting.

108. Well, Jaz, look, I'm a very powerful man

109. with a very powerful thirst.

110. What do you recommend?

111. Lemonade.

112. Lemonade was a popular drink in my day,

113. and it still is.

114. One lemonade, please.

115. One dollar please, Mr. Wuncler.

116. How's business?

117. Not good enough. I'm saving for a pony.

118. A pony?

119. Wow. Those can be pricey.

120. Like, a couple hundred bucks.

121. I know. I'm like, "Hey, guys,

122. I could buy a car for that much."

123. Talk about highway robbery.

124. Highway robbery.

125. You know, I raise ponies.

126. No.

127. Ah! Magnificent.

128. I admire entrepreneurship in young people.

129. You mean like them 12-year-old girls

130. who work in your sweatshops in Indonesia?

131. That's right.

132. Every morning I wake up and put one foot on the ground

133. and the other up the ass of a 12-year-old Indonesian girl.

134. And if this country didn't have unions and child labor laws,

135. maybe your generation would understand

136. the value of hard work.

137. Like this little girl here.

138. I might have to check with my accountants, but

139. what if I bought your stand from you right now

140. for the price of...

141. one little pony?

142. Wow.

143. You must be rich.

144. Yes, I am.

145. I'm not sayin' I do have a videotape,

146. but I'm not sayin' I don't, either.

147. Hypothetically speaking,

148. how much would you pay for something like that?

149. Well, I didn't exactly see what happened, per se.

150. But I don't think we should jump to any conclusions.

151. And as the assistant district attorney,

152. I urge everyone to be calm.

153. Have you observed anyone not being calm?

154. No, I guess. Ha.

155. This neighborhood is actually handling the shooting

156. of an unarmed black man pretty well.

157. What do you say, Jazmine?

158. Why not make your next move your best move, huh?

159. Deal!

160. "Make your next move your best move"?

161. My lawyers will be by with the paperwork this afternoon.

162. See ya, partner.

163. And why in God's name are you wearing that coat?

164. It's 90 degrees.

165. Bye, partner.

166. My own pony.

167. I'm gonna name him "Sammy Davis, Jr. the Pony."

168. What do you think?

169. I think he just ripped you off.

170. I'd expect you to say that, pony-hater.

171. Daddy! Daddy! Guess what?

172. But he never even paid for the... lemonade.

173. Here's the contracts for the lemonade stand.

174. My little girl,

175. already selling out for the first time.

176. I'm so proud.

177. Now, this pony,

178. Mr. Sammy Davis, Jr.

179. will be your responsibility from now on.

180. We'll keep him at my stables

181. until you can get your own ranch,

182. which I think will be pretty soon.

183. Thank you, Mr. Wuncler.

184. No problem.

185. Now, let's think of some ways

186. to manipulate people emotionally,

187. so that they buy lemonade.

188. Hm.

189. Those police officers look thirsty.

190. We should invite them over for lemonade.

191. Well, guess I should let you partners get to work.

192. Oh, hey there, Huey.

193. Oh. That is so not appropriate, Huey.

194. So when do I get to see Sammy Davis, Jr. the Pony?

195. When you learn how to run a respectable business.

196. Huh?

197. What the hell is up with this sign?

198. What's this crude drawing supposed to be?

199. I-it's the m-m-magical pony carriage.

200. This looks like a kid drew it.

201. Look at this.

202. Why are all the E's backwards?

203. I— I— It's supposed to be c-cute.

204. You think ignorance is cute?

205. Well, I suppose you think mental retardation

206. is downright adorable.

207. Lemonade, now.

208. How is anyone

209. supposed to believe you can make lemonade

210. when you can't even spell it?

211. How old are you?

212. T-t-t-ten.

213. T-t-t-too damn old to be writing your E's backwards, damn it.

214. Squirm, little worm.

215. What happened?

216. It's okay, Jazmine.

217. You don't need him.

218. What do you mean, I don't need him?

219. Well, you're not gonna let him treat you like that.

220. What, you think ponies grow on trees?

221. What kind of question is that?

222. It's a large, four-legged mammal.

223. Or maybe I'm just supposed to wait

224. until I'm an old woman before I get my pony.

225. How am I gonna look, Huey?

226. A 65-year-old woman riding a pony.

227. Jazmine, he's a crook.

228. You just want everyone to be miserable

229. because you're miserable.

230. And why are you wearing that stupid coat?

231. I wish you'd go away.

232. They say the heat

233. makes people crazy.

234. Oh, buck up, son.

235. I'm sure you'll get me next time.

236. Weatherman says it's gonna be hotter tomorrow.

237. Pshh. I hope not.

238. Folks, this heat

239. will not let up.

240. It is hot.

241. And speaking of hot, Al Sharpton is hot right now,

242. having a big old protest.

243. Seems like Al's angry again at something.

244. I believe it's a cartoon this time.

245. In fact, he wants to have all...

246. I want these tables cleaned every hour on the hour.

247. Now, where's my money?

248. Well, don't stand there.

249. Lemonade ain't gonna make itself.

250. If I see a single thirsty person on this block,

251. they'd better be broke.

252. It's gonna be hot today.

253. A press conference was held

254. at Jazmine's lemonade stand

255. to announce Ruckus' settle with the police department.

256. He turned down a seven-figure settlement offer.

257. In fact, all Ruckus asked for

258. was to fulfill a childhood dream

259. of being a police officer.

260. So help me God.

261. Congratulations, Officer Uncle Ruckus.

262. Thank you, thank you.

263. Thank you.

264. You know—

265. —people been asking me

266. if I'm upset about what happened yesterday.

267. I say, no.

268. Ruckus is not upset.

269. Because the swift and measured response of these officers

270. is a fine example of my tax dollars hard at work.

271. And I just want you all to know

272. that I hope to live up to the fine example of those men.

273. And I hope to harass and beat

274. each and every black person I see

275. with "excreme" prejudice.

276. That's a totally great idea.

277. That's great. Yeah.

278. Thank you very much. Thank you.

279. I'm glad you feel me on that sentiment.

280. Now, let's enjoy some delicious lemonade

281. from this little mix-breed girl.

282. That's an order from Officer Ruckus.

283. Oh, my rear.

284. That's right, Bob.

285. I'm standing on Timid Deer Lane in Woodcrest,

286. where one little girl has turned the lemon

287. of shocking police brutality into lemonade.

288. Woodcrest isn't a place where people dwell on the past

289. and focus on the negative, like who shot at who 118 times,

290. or who cracked whose ribcage.

291. That's all media hype.

292. In my day,

293. we resolved our differences the old-fashioned way:

294. over a cool glass of lemonade. Ow, my toe.

295. We just want everyone to know

296. that this was not racially motivated.

297. And everyone is welcome to come to Woodcrest.

298. Uh, including the African-Americans.

299. Just don't stay too long, darkies.

300. Just kiddin'. Not really.

301. Come on, damn it.

302. And you told me to come here,

303. and now I'm not gonna listen.

304. Whatever.

305. Let's see.

306. I want a...

307. I'll take two small lemonades with ice,

308. two small lemonades without ice,

309. three large lemonades, one with ice,

310. one with no ice, one with crushed ice.

311. Do you guys have, uh... mm-mmm...?

312. Uh...

313. That's all I got.

314. Lemonade is a dollar.

315. That's all I got!

316. Make it work. I'm thirsty.

317. Lemonade is a dollar.

318. I ain't got no dollar.

319. It's hot as hell out here, man. Just hook me up.

320. All the money I spent up in this place,

321. this is some ol' bullshit!

322. Lemonade is a dollar!

323. Mm...

324. Uh, do you guys have anything other than lemonade?

325. Jazmine, this is stupid. You're being exploited.

326. You'll never get anywhere in this world

327. without doing a fair day's work

328. for a fair day's pay.

329. Jazmine, Ed's never gonna give you that pony.

330. Next.

331. Peaches, I think it's time you come inside.

332. Can't talk, Dad. Making lemonade.

333. Come on, honey, I want you inside now.

334. No! I have been

335. waiting 20 minutes

336. for this lemonade. I'm thirsty!

337. What's the problem?

338. Mr. Wuncler,

339. you know, yesterday I thought this was cute.

340. But don't you think you guys are taking this a little far?

341. Jazmine can leave whenever she wants.

342. But Sammy Davis, Jr. the Pony will have to be put down.

343. What?

344. He's your pony now.

345. Your percentage was supposed to pay for his food and upkeep.

346. Now he'll starve to death in a puddle of his own feces.

347. Oh, come on, Mr. Wuncler.

348. I don't want to leave, Mr. Wuncler.

349. Please, Daddy, don't make me leave.

350. There you have it.

351. You know the name of the game.

352. Your daughter chose me.

353. Now, we can handle this like some gentlemen,

354. or we can get into some old gangster shit.

355. Mm...

356. Okay, best of luck, honey.

357. This heat will not stop.

358. This portion of the program sponsored by

359. Jazmine's Lemonade Parade,

360. a subsidiary of Wuncler Food Incorporated.

361. Oh, Wuncler. That's...

362. Thank you.

363. Come again, ma'am.

364. I have to have a glass.

365. Hello. Bye.

366. Come on, move it.

367. My legs are sore.

368. Oh! Come on.

369. Hey, kid!

370. Huh?

371. Wake up!

372. Some of us have to work for a living.

373. Yeah. She's taking too long.

374. Oh, not another day.

375. No more child labor! That's right!

376. Hell no, we won't go! Let's go!

377. Hell no, we won't go!

378. We're gonna shut down this lemonade stand

379. and liberate that little girl.

380. Yeah! Right on, man!

381. Stop in the name of the law.

382. Just what the hell y'all think y'all doing, here?

383. Yeah, quit making trouble.

384. We're thirsty. Get lost.

385. Let's get 'em!

386. Release the children!

387. What the hell are you doing?

388. We're protesting.

389. Quit playing. Let's shut it down.

390. This will shut it down.

391. Yeah. Just very slowly...

392. Children! and peacefully.

393. We're gonna liberate that girl one of these days.

394. Even if it's not in our lifetimes, right?

395. Who's with me?

396. Why don't you leave me alone?

397. I don't want your help.

398. Jazmine, there is no pony.

399. There is too.

400. He has a white tail. I saw the picture.

401. Look. Hey, get some deodorant.

402. Ponies!

403. Ponies!

404. Oh, my gosh, look at the mane!

405. Oh, my gosh!

406. Ladies and gentlemen...

407. it has been brought to my attention

408. that Jazmine's Lemonade Parade has been using child labor.

409. Obviously, this comes as a great surprise to me.

410. So I present to you...

411. Wuncler's Cruelty-Free Lemonade.

412. It's lemonade, but without the biting sting of injustice.

413. Its lack of cruelty makes it look delicious.

414. And I know it's cruelty-free, because he said so.

415. And it's on the label.

416. Sammy, I'm coming!

417. Ow! Please, let me through.

418. Ow!

419. Ugh! Please move.

420. Ow!

421. Mr. Wuncler. Let me see my pony.

422. Your pony?

423. You better check the contract, young lady.

424. Wuncler's deal with Jazmine

425. advanced her one $213 pony

426. against a five-point royalty,

427. which gave her 5 cents of every cup sold.

428. That meant Jazmine had to sell 4260 cups of lemonade

429. before the pony was actually hers.

430. She in fact sold 4376 cups.

431. But what Jazmine hadn't calculated

432. was the cost of her new stand,

433. marketing and promotion,

434. the lemons, cups, umbrellas, straws,

435. and the gas to drive Wuncler back and forth from the stand,

436. all came out of her 5 percent.

437. Jazmine not only didn't get her pony,

438. she ended up about $300 in debt to Ed Wuncler.

439. You know, Miss DuBois,

440. I sunk a lot of money into this business.

441. I gave you an opportunity.

442. But that's just not good enough for you, is it?

443. You wanted a handout.

444. I just want my pony.

445. I've never seen anyone so ungrateful.

446. This partnership is over.

447. Sammy Davis, Jr. the Pony belongs to me now.

448. No!

449. Don't take Sammy.

450. I'm sorry.

451. I won't be ungrateful.

452. Hey, cry about your failed dreams on your own time.

453. We want lemonade. What's taking so long?

454. Hey, give us some of that cruelty-free stuff.

455. Hey, man, fuck y'all. Get your own.

456. Today is time to stop singing

457. and stop swinging.

458. Maybe the heat does

459. make people crazy.

460. Before you know it,

461. crazy becomes normal.

462. Huh! Ha! Huh!

463. Get your black ass out of here. Get out of here right now.

464. What's wrong?

465. Huh?

466. Gun!

467. Huh?

468. Ow! Ow— Easy. Excellent use of a baton, officer.

469. Ow! Ow! Ow!

470. But sanity eventually returned.

471. And when it does, you better have your coat.

472. Come here.

473. I'm so sorry.

474. That was bad.

475. No, I was really to blame.

476. Here's your guitar.

477. If you really think about it—

478. This is so stupid.

479. Over lemonade. I mean, that's so dumb.

480. No, it was my fault.

481. Uh, help me up.

482. That'd be great. Yeah.

483. I s-s-shouldn't have taken that n-nap.

484. Have I ever told you about

485. J-J-Jazmine's Hot Chocolate Explosion?

486. It would be a delivery service for hot chocolate.

487. I can charge a delivery fee and get tips.

488. Move along. Move along,

489. There's nothing to see here.

490. Oh, a unicorn.