Robot Chicken 2x14

Directed by

Scarlett Johansson as Veronica Lodge, Dolores (voice)

The classic movie The Beastmaster takes Broadway by storm. Lance Armstrong gets revenge on France. Buck Rogers learns what his name rhymes with. The gang from Archie Comics learn that nobody cheats Death for long! Rebroadcast as "Blankets in a Pig" on May 15, 2008 with Britney Spears as Citizen Spears instead of the Archies as the final segment.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. ROBOT CHICKEN 32 VEGGIES 4 SLOTH >> HA HA HA!

2. IT'S ALIVE!

3. IT'S ALIVE!

4. >> OK, EVERYONE OUT.

5. A WHOLE FUDGE CAKE.

6. >>

7. >> ANDREW LLOYD WEBER'S "THE BEASTMASTER" IS BROADWAY'S

8. NEWEST SMASH SENSATION.

9. >> ♪ I'M DAR, THE BEASTMASTER ♪ >> DAVID HASSELHOFF RETURNS TO

10. BROADWAY AS DAR THE BEASTMASTER.

11. >> ♪ I SEEK VENGEANCE AGAINST

12. >> COUNTRY SINGER FAITH HILL STARS AS KIRI.

13. >> ♪ IS THERE NO ONE FOR ME? ♪ >> ♪ I'M THE BEASTMASTER

14. MY FRIEND'S A BLACK PANTHER

15. BESTIALITY ♪ >> NATHAN LANE AND MATTHEW

16. TWIN FERRETS KONO AND BONO.

17. >> HEY, KONO.

18. >> HEY, BONO.

19. >> WHERE'S FRONO?

20. >> YOU DON'T KNOW.

21. HAKUNA MATADA!

22. >> AND THE ORIGINAL TAP-DANCING KID, ALFONSO RIBEIRO,

23. IS A PANTHER NAMED PANTHER.

24. >> ♪ THESE CLAWS OF MINE

25. WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO YOU ♪ >> ♪ I'M GONNA THROW YOUR BABY

26. IN THE FIRE ♪ >> KISS ROCKER GENE SIMMONS

27. MAKES HIS BROADWAY DEBUT AS MAX.

28. >> ♪ 'CAUSE I'M A CULT LEADER

29. I'LL MAKE YOU PRAY TO ME

30. CULT LEADER ♪ >> ♪ IT'S THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE

31. IT'S L-O-V, LOVE

32. TOGETHER IN HARMONY ♪ >> I'LL GET YOU, BEASTMASTER!

33. TOGETHER IN HARMONY ♪ >> I'LL GET YOU, BEASTMASTER!

34. >> THANK YOU. IT IS AN HONOR

35. FOR A SEVENTH TIME!

36. >> >> LUCKY SEVEN! YOU KNOW,

37. I'VE MADE A BET

38. I WOULD WIN THIS RACE 7 TIMES AND BREAK THE ALL-TIME RECORD.

39. IN FACT, PRESIDENT CHIRAC

40. THAT I COULDN'T WIN 7 TIMES.

41. OF FRANCE.

42. GO ON AND SAY IT, YOU LITTLE WEASEL.

43. >> UH...

44. >> THAT'S RIGHT, ALL YOU LITTLE

45. IS LARGE AND IN CHARGE!

46. BRING HER DOWN, BOYS.

47. WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

48. SUPER-PRESIDENT! HA HA!

49. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. BACK UP.

50. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

51. WHO'S THIS BITCH?

52. YOU HALF-SMILING AT ME?

53. I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO HALF-SMILE ABOUT.

54. IN YOUR MOUTH.

55. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, MONA LISA?

56. I'LL MAKE YOU MOAN.

57. YOU LAUGHING AT MY BALLS?

58. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW, BABY.

59. I BEAT CANCER.

60. I'LL BEAT THE OUT OF YOU.

61. YOU GOT GREY POUPON.

62. I'LL POOP ON YOU.

63. >> MON DIEU!

64. >> OH, GOD, I'M LONELY!

65. WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND.

66. WHERE'S FROGETTE? FROGETTE!

67. >> WAS IT NO GOOD, SUPER-PRESIDENT ARMSTRONG?

68. >> OH, NO, BABY. ALL THOSE YEARS ON THAT BIKE SEAT.

69. COME ON, BABY.

70. YOU GOT TO DO IT HARD!

71. OH, COME ON. I WANT TO CROSS THAT FINISH LINE!

72. CROSS THAT FINISH LINE.

73. >> THAT'S RIGHT, LANCE.

74. WE'RE GOING TO CROSS THAT FINISH LINE.

75. >> WHAT THIS "WE" ?

76. >> HEY, BABY. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

77. YES, I KNOW I SAID I'D STOP CALLING, BUT IT'S THE HOLIDAYS,

78. FOUND SOMEONE NEW.

79. IS HE THERE RIGHT NOW?

80. OH, THE WHOLE FAMILY IS THERE OPENING PRESENTS.

81. WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT, BECAUSE I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU.

82. >> OH, MY GOD!

83. >> SANTA?

84. >> UH! DELORES! HOW COULD YOU?

85. >> HONEY!

86. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

87. WE'RE JUST, UM...

88. WE'RE ROLE-PLAYING.

89. WOW. YOU JUST EARNED 50 EXPERIENCE POINTS.

90. >> WOW! CAN I PLAY?

91. >> NO.

92. >> OH...

93. >> OH, DEAR!

94. OUR FLEET IS BEING DESTROYED!

95. >> WILL HELP EVER ARRIVE?

96. >> HA HA HA HA.

97. DID SOMEONE CALL FOR A HERO?

98. >> OH, THANK GOODNESS!

99. ROGERS IS FINALLY HERE!

100. >> WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

101. >> ROGERS.

102. >> MY NAME IS BUCK, BUCK ROGERS.

103. >> THEY'RE ALMOST THROUGH THE SOUTH DEFENSES.

104. ROGERS, WE NEED YOUR HELP IMMEDIATELY!

105. >> IT'S BUCK!

106. >> MY NAME IS BUCK, NOT!

107. WHAT'S WITH YOU ALIENS?

108. >> >> IT'S BUCK! DAMN! WHAT THE—

109. IT'S BUCK, BUCK, BUCK, BUCK!

110. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

111. I'VE BEEN SHOT! IT HURTS!

112. >> WELCOME,

113. >> IT'S BUCK!

114. >> THAT DOES IT!

115. >> WAIT! AAH!

116. >> YOU! YOU!

117. YOU! YOU!

118. >> YOU REALLY TOLD

119. BUCK'S NAME WAS?

120. >> I WAS ATTEMPTING HUMAN COMEDY.

121. >> >> EEE!

122. >> OH! OH, MY HONEY!

123. IT STILL COUNTS, RIGHT?

124. >> DARLING!

125. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

126. WE WERE JUST ROLE-PLAYING.

127. >> UH, YEAH, I KNOW.

128. >> BETTY, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE'RE GOING TO PARIS

129. FOR OUR SENIOR CLASS TRIP?

130. >> OUI, VERONICA.

131. >> BUT LOOK. POOR ARCHIE MUST BE ON A SENIOR DRUG TRIP.

132. >> JEEZ, ARCHIE. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SLIP THE G.H.B.

133. IN THE GIRL'S DRINK, NOT TAKE IT YOURSELF.

134. HA HA HA. DATE RAPE.

135. >> OH, MY GOD! >> GANG, IT WAS A VISION.

136. WE HAVE TO GET OFF THIS BUS, OR WE'LL ALL DIE!

137. >> ONLY VERONICA CAN GET ME OFF.

138. HA HA! SLUT.

139. >> NOW THAT WE'RE NOT GOING TO PARIS, WE CAN ALL GO INSIDE

140. OF "FINAL DESTINATION"

141. BY AUTHOR DAVID McGINTY.

142. >> MISS GRUNDY!

143. >> DID I MISS THE BUS TO FRANCE?

144. >> THAT BUS WASN'T SHORT ENOUGH FOR YOU, MOOSE.

145. HA HA. DUMB-ASS.

146. >> WHY DO WE KEEP HANGING OUT WITH YOU?

147. >> >> WELL, IT WASN'T EXACTLY MY

148. VISION, BUT THEY SURE ARE DEAD.

149. >> EVEN WHEN ARCHIE HAS A VISION, HE SCREWS IT UP.

150. >> I'M WORRIED. WHAT IF YOU CAN'T AVOID THE GRIM REAPER?

151. >> WHO'S HE? HE SOUNDS DREAMY.

152. >> BLONDES ARE DUMB WHORES.

153. >> >> STEREOTYPE.

154. >> ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SANDWICH IN THE SHOWER.

155. HEE-HOO!

156. I HATE ME.

157. AND STAY THIN?

158. HERE'S MY SECRET.

159. GO DOWN THE DRAIN, WILL YOU?

160. >> IF I CATCH THE PRICK WHO KEEPS MOVING THIS APOSTROPHE,

161. I'M GONNA CUT HIM UP AND ON HIM

162. AND HIM AND MURDER HIM!

163. >> LISTEN, DEATH IS STALKING US

164. SITTING ON THE BUS.

165. >> SUPERFLUOUS BLACK CHARACTER!

166. >> MY NAME IS CHUCK.

167. >> WHY WOULD DEATH FOLLOW MR. WETHERBY'S SEATING CHART?

168. >> I DON'T KNOW, BLONDIE.

169. HAVE JUST BEEN LIVING HERE,

170. WOULD MAKE THEM SICK?

171. >> YOU BETTER HAVE FINISHED

172. FOR ENGLISH CLASS TOMORROW.

173. >> OH...

174. >> LESBIAN.

175. >> COME WITH ME, ARCHIE.

176. I'M SWEET AND INNOCENT.

177. >> COME WITH ME, ARCHIE.

178. I'M RICH AND EASY.

179. >> HMM... I CHOOSE...

180. STILL DECIDING...

181. >> DUH, MISS GRUNDY, WHAT'S A HAIKU?

182. >> IT'S A KIND OF POEM.

183. >> DUH, WHAT'S DEATH?

184. >> OH, MOOSE, JUST MAKE YOURS ABOUT FOOTBALL.

185. >> DUH...

186. >> NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND.

187. I'VE BEEN TEACHING THESE SAME NITWITS FOR 40 YEARS.

188. I'VE BEEN TEACHING THESE SAME NITWITS FOR 40 YEARS.

189. MOOSE!

190. >> DUH! MISS GRUNDY?

191. >> HELP ME, MOOSE!

192. >> DUH!

193. DUH!

194. >> MOOSE, YOU STUPID MOTHER— >> UH-OH. DUH, MISS GRUNDY?

195. DUH!

196. >> POOR MOOSE. THE GAS CHAMBER.

197. >> I'M A RICH REPUBLICAN,

198. HE SAID, "ME TAKE NAP NOW."

199. DEATH, I WILL PAY YOU

200. TAKE THESE 2 ASSHOLES FIRST.

201. >> I THOUGHT I WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU.

202. >> GO TAKE BETTY ON A DATE...

203. IN HELL!

204. >> >> WHO CHARGED A MILLION DOLLARS

205. TO THE FAMILY GOLD CARD?

206. [CAPTIONED BY NATIONAL

207. —www.ncicap.org—] YOU! YOU!

208. YOU! YOU!