1. Sex over. Now the smiling
and staring.Copy !req
2. I think Dobby might be bored
with me, sexually. I'm
vanilla.Copy !req
3. I should be... not
Neapolitan, that's too '70s,Copy !req
4. but pistachio - slightly
unpleasant, but novel.Copy !req
5. I was thinking of booking
that country house hotel for
your birthday.Copy !req
6. Really? Cos, country house
hotels...?Copy !req
7. I mean, doesn't working in a
Mexican restaurant mean we'd
be better suitedCopy !req
8. to a Premier Inn and a bottle
of supermarket voddy?Copy !req
9. - Or I could pay.
- No way. I'm being the man
and paying for everything.Copy !req
10. I'm taking you away. I might
even carry you over the
threshold.Copy !req
11. OK, Captain Caveman!Copy !req
12. Would you be able to drive
us? It's in Hereford.Copy !req
13. - Sure.Copy !req
14. - Shall I get it? I've got
your fluffy dressing gown on.
- Thanks.Copy !req
15. Officially, it's a toweling
robe.Copy !req
16. Might not be incredibly
stylish, but it is hugely
absorbent.Copy !req
17. Oh, did I tell you? Poor old
Simon's mum's ill.Copy !req
18. - How horrible for him.
- I might get a card.Copy !req
19. The cool, good-looking
ex-boyfriend whom I strongly
suspectCopy !req
20. was far better in bed than
me.Copy !req
21. - His grief is mine.
- You got some money, Mark?Copy !req
22. Hang on...
Must be the Barnardo's man.Copy !req
23. - He's unemployed, Mark.
- Right.Copy !req
24. Is he, though? I'm pretty
sure I saw this exposed on
Rogue Traders.Copy !req
25. Just trying to make a bit of
honest money, really. Your
neighbors have been kind.Copy !req
26. - So, uh, what have you got?
- Um, fluffy dusters,
J-Cloths...Copy !req
27. Shit. OK, don't choose the
cheapest in front of Dobby. So
not J-Cloths.Copy !req
28. Not scourers. Fluffy
dusters? I think they're
relatively cheap.Copy !req
29. - .. or oven gloves...
- Fluffy duster.Copy !req
30. - Sure mate. They're £11.
- They're what?Copy !req
31. 11 quid. They're made of...
fibers.Copy !req
32. - I'm being politely mugged.
- Thanks.Copy !req
33. I'll go and make some coffee,
Mr. Generous.Copy !req
34. I'd have just gone for the
J-Cloths.Copy !req
35. Great, just wasted £11 on 4
worth of female approval.Copy !req
36. Right, I'm having that back.
You've conned me.Copy !req
37. I'm not some frail old lady
in sheltered housing.Copy !req
38. Get to fuck.Copy !req
39. Are you OK?Copy !req
40. It's fine. Things got a bit
out of hand, but I took
control.Copy !req
41. So what did you think,
Jeremy?Copy !req
42. Wow! That's what I thought.
Wowzers trousers.Copy !req
43. You didn't fall asleep, did
you? At one point I thought...Copy !req
44. No way! No, I loved every
minute of it.Copy !req
45. The colors, the woman, the...Copy !req
46. It was all great. Amelie is a
fantastic film.Copy !req
47. What a fantastic film.Copy !req
48. It's French, but you can
easily work out what's
happeningCopy !req
49. - most of the way through.
- Exactly.Copy !req
50. Not predigested, Hollywood
blockbuster crap.Copy !req
51. That shit, trying to lure you
in by entertaining you. It's
so shallow.Copy !req
52. - You cabbing it?
- I'm cabbing it.Copy !req
53. Won't tell her I'm bussing
it.Copy !req
54. It's great, how even though
I'm an attractive guy and
you're an attractive girl,Copy !req
55. we can just hang out like
great mates?Copy !req
56. - Just cos I'm going out with
Ben...
- The shit.Copy !req
57. .. doesn't mean you and I
can't be buds.Copy !req
58. We have so many interests in
common - foreign film,Copy !req
59. fringe theatre, contemporary
dance,Copy !req
60. even those silver people in
Covent Garden who stand still
and pretend to be statues.Copy !req
61. I adore, enormously, all of
that.Copy !req
62. And you run that book group,
don't you?Copy !req
63. Which is great, because I
love difficult literature.Copy !req
64. Wow! Another tick! I'd invite
you, but we're full up at the
minute.Copy !req
65. Does Ben...
The shit.
go?Copy !req
66. - No. He hates reading.
- Oh, he is missing out on so
much.Copy !req
67. - Uh-huh.
- So many people just plod
through life,Copy !req
68. you know, thinking the same
stupid thoughtsCopy !req
69. with their tiny, predictable,
Identikit minds.Copy !req
70. Most people just go around
nodding to the last opinion
they heard, don't they?Copy !req
71. - I agree.
- Excuse me, Melvyn. Is one of
you getting in?Copy !req
72. Bye, then.Copy !req
73. Bye. Thanks for a lovely
afternoon of French cinema.Copy !req
74. - Au revoir, mon ami.
- Indeedy.Copy !req
75. This is all so fucking
sophisticated.Copy !req
76. See you tomorrow. A demain.Copy !req
77. - No, you da man!Copy !req
78. Why is that funny?Copy !req
79. And you're off it all? Crack
as well?Copy !req
80. But you love crack, it's your
favorite.Copy !req
81. Especially crack, Jez. I've
stopped putting all that
poison and shitCopy !req
82. into my body and my precious
brain.Copy !req
83. - Since when?
- Since Tuesday.Copy !req
84. I had a sort of
road-to-Damascus flash on the
A22.Copy !req
85. Crashed the van into some
guy's hedge cos I was so
fucking wrecked.Copy !req
86. Then this voice in my head -
sounded like Brian Moore,Copy !req
87. who used to do the football
on ITV -Copy !req
88. said, "Pack it in, son. Mug's
game."Copy !req
89. Well, that's very sensible,
albeit hallucinatory, advice.Copy !req
90. Mark, um...Copy !req
91. Look, in here... is my pipe
and my last rock.Copy !req
92. - I want you to have it.
- I don't want it. It's
illegal.Copy !req
93. I want you to keep it,
please. It's symbolic.Copy !req
94. And if I come to you and ask
you for it, I want you to tell
me "No", OK?Copy !req
95. OK.Copy !req
96. Even if I hit you, hard, with
wood,Copy !req
97. or grab your arm and bend it
up behind your backCopy !req
98. till it snaps like a fucking
Kit Kat, you still tell me no,
right?Copy !req
99. - With wood?
- Thanks, Mark. Legend.Copy !req
100. - So how's all this going?
- Easy, man.Copy !req
101. Easy like a Sonntag Morgen.
I'm just finding other things
to fill my time.Copy !req
102. - Like what?
- Cycling, running.Copy !req
103. Yeah. I ran 10k yesterday.Copy !req
104. I ran here this morning, then
back home, then back here
again.Copy !req
105. I'm cooking, knitting...
Knitting like a fucking
electric nan.Copy !req
106. Did this scarf. I've got two
quilts on the go and a sort of
tabard.Copy !req
107. - It's cool. It's easy.
- Great.Copy !req
108. You got any olives? I've gone
fucking mental for olives.Copy !req
109. - No, we...
- Shit! Jesus! Where am I
going to get olives?Copy !req
110. - I'm craving the salt.
- We've got salt.Copy !req
111. I'm not going to go necking
fucking salt straight from the
shaker, Mark. I'm not mad.Copy !req
112. Right, fucking laters. I'm
going to sprint to Londis.Copy !req
113. - He is a bit mad, isn't he?Copy !req
114. Jez, I'm... I'm slightly
worried that Dobby might still
be in love with Simon.Copy !req
115. - Yeah.
- Do you mean, yeah, you think
she is?Copy !req
116. No, no, I mean, yeah, I'm not
really listening. Sorry.Copy !req
117. - And I'm worried that I
might not be...
- What?Copy !req
118. Look, you know the actual...
the act of intercourse...?Copy !req
119. Oh, my God! You're asking me
for sex tips!Copy !req
120. Pass me the cava and the big
pack of Tyrrels - it's a
girls' night in!Copy !req
121. What would you say was the
average amount of time before
the man...?Copy !req
122. - Unleashes hell?
- Yes. I want the average
amount of time,Copy !req
123. the mean... no, the mode or
median.Copy !req
124. Sting's probably thrown the
mean out for everyone else.Copy !req
125. Well, it depends, Mark.Copy !req
126. It often depends on, you
know, where you are, if you
get me.Copy !req
127. No, no, I don't want to hear
about the bum, Jeremy.Copy !req
128. I know for you it all
revolves around the bum.Copy !req
129. You're like the Copernicus of
the anus.Copy !req
130. You've got to know about the
bum, Mark.Copy !req
131. Otherwise, it's like only
cooking with the hob and never
using the oven.Copy !req
132. The bum is the secret portal.Copy !req
133. It's not much of a secret,
though, is it? Be honest.Copy !req
134. The bum is quite - if you'll
pardon the image - an open
secret.Copy !req
135. So you think you've lost your
dirty mojo?Copy !req
136. Yeah, I am a bit desperate on
that front.Copy !req
137. I mean, I've even bought a...Copy !req
138. - What?
- Nothing.Copy !req
139. A what, Mark?Copy !req
140. Blimey.Copy !req
141. It's a dildo. I've bought a
big dildo.Copy !req
142. How big is it?Copy !req
143. 9". It's a nine-incher. I
thought it might spice things
up.Copy !req
144. Trouble is, I find it quite
intimidating, as a man.Copy !req
145. I mean, look at it, it's like
a leg of lamb.Copy !req
146. So I've decided to call it
Kenneth, to take the curse
off.Copy !req
147. - Kenneth?
- Yes. "My colleague,
Kenneth."Copy !req
148. "Shall I fetch Kenneth?"Copy !req
149. "Meet my sexual associate,
Kenneth."Copy !req
150. Makes him less daunting.Copy !req
151. And has Kenneth seen action?Copy !req
152. No. I mean, it might be the
sexiest thing ever,Copy !req
153. or it might be a massive
disaster.Copy !req
154. Dobby might hate it so, for
now, you stay at Brize Norton,
Kenneth.Copy !req
155. I don't think you're ready to
enter Helmand yet.Copy !req
156. So is your work still...Copy !req
157. Bad? Does he like it there
now? I've forgotten.Copy !req
158. - ..you know?
- I despise every second of
it. We're short-staffed.Copy !req
159. Gail keeps making me do these
extra shifts,Copy !req
160. and she hates me since you
tried to kill her.Copy !req
161. Yeah. Sorry, man. My bad.Copy !req
162. You should tell her you need
time off. I'm no NHS Direct,Copy !req
163. but this stress can't be
doing your sex life any good.Copy !req
164. - Tell Gail she's exploiting
you.
- But then she'll fire me!Copy !req
165. I don't want to be
unemployed. I've got a
girlfriend to impress.Copy !req
166. When Sophie gets back from
Wales, I've also got a baby to
impress.Copy !req
167. Mark, you really need to grow
a pair.Copy !req
168. - Of testicles?
- Yes.Copy !req
169. You want me to grow a pair of
testicles so I'd have four
testicles,Copy !req
170. and somehow that'll help make
me braver and better able to
deal with stress?Copy !req
171. Staggering around like a
baboon with four balls hanging
down.Copy !req
172. Gail's fucking you over
because you're bloody passive.
You need to rip her a new one.Copy !req
173. A new anus? So she'd have two
anuses?Copy !req
174. And then, in this mad new
world of yours,Copy !req
175. I'd presumably shove my four
bollocks up her two anuses for
some unknown reason.Copy !req
176. Never fancied a girl with
glasses before.Copy !req
177. I wouldn't care if she had a
limp or a funny elbow. I'm so
PC. I'm horny Gandhi.Copy !req
178. Did you have a nice time at
whatever-the-fuck film it was
with Zahra?Copy !req
179. Yeah, nice movie. The colors,
the woman in it...Copy !req
180. - It's a great arrangement
we've got here.
- Arrangement?Copy !req
181. Yeah. You take care of the
brainy, arty crap she likes,Copy !req
182. I take care of the physical
side.Copy !req
183. - Like when she came back
from Emily.
- Amelie.Copy !req
184. - You shit.
- She was in this really good
mood,Copy !req
185. all sparked up and receptive.Copy !req
186. You can imagine what we got
up to!Copy !req
187. Shall I order that toner from
the Viking catalogue, or...?Copy !req
188. I won't go into detail about
what it is we did, Jez,Copy !req
189. but let's just say it wasn't
a long game of Scrabble.Copy !req
190. Your glans isn't red raw
after a long game of Scrabble,
is it?Copy !req
191. Not ordinarily, no.Copy !req
192. - You don't fancy Zahra, do
you, Jez?
- No.Copy !req
193. Because that would be an
extremely huge problem if you
did.Copy !req
194. I really don't. She's just
normal, you know,Copy !req
195. like trifle or, uh, the
pavement, just there.Copy !req
196. Anyway, I was wondering if
you wanted to dabble in a bit
more A&R,Copy !req
197. - check out some artists,
extra quid in your pay packet?
- Brilliant.Copy !req
198. Stop making my lovely job
lovelier, you shit!Copy !req
199. - Did Ben just give you a pay
rise?
- Yeah.Copy !req
200. You know, I honestly never
thought I could enjoy working
because, when you work,Copy !req
201. you can't go back to bed
until night-time, which seems
mad,Copy !req
202. but I really like it.Copy !req
203. I'm going to the Tate Modern
for the Richard Avedon
symposium on Friday.Copy !req
204. - I don't suppose you fancy
coming?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
205. I mean, I was going myself
anyway on Sunday, but, yeah,
let's go together.Copy !req
206. Jesus Christ! I am so out of
my depth! Who's Richard
Avedon? What's a symposium?Copy !req
207. At least I know which day
Friday is, that's something to
cling onto.Copy !req
208. Tension headache. Brain
tumor, maybe?Copy !req
209. Sexy, fascinating, roguish
brain tumor?Copy !req
210. Not with my luck. Think I
will ask Gail if I can take
some time off.Copy !req
211. Mark, what are you doing?
You're needed.Copy !req
212. Order for that table of
teenage pisstards?Copy !req
213. Right. Gail, when you've got
a second, later maybe,Copy !req
214. I was wondering whether my
taking some holiday might...Copy !req
215. Mark, we're two chefs down.
Abigail's got norovirus.Copy !req
216. Marek took the tip of his
little finger off right on the
eve of his sister's wedding.Copy !req
217. - Coincidence?
- Um—Copy !req
218. So this is not the time for
you to ask to skive off.Copy !req
219. Jesus!Copy !req
220. Good to get that out in the
open. At least I know where I
stand now.Copy !req
221. I'm precisely where I was a
second ago, but quite a bit
more upset.Copy !req
222. Shit. It's the Rogue Trader.
I wonder if his dish,
perchance, cost £11.Copy !req
223. Enjoy your meals.Copy !req
224. - Just keep walking, Mark.
- Oi!Copy !req
225. - And now walk back, Mark.
- I never ordered this.Copy !req
226. I think you did. Burritos
Deluxe.Copy !req
227. No, Burritos Mexicano, with
jalapeño sauce. Do I know you?Copy !req
228. No. Um, oh, right, yes,Copy !req
229. I'm afraid my colleague who
took your order must have made
a mistake, so...Copy !req
230. For fuck's sake, man up.
You're the one who brought the
wrong food.Copy !req
231. True, but I was only
following orders.Copy !req
232. - Like Vince Cable.
- Don't blame a woman, you
piece of fucking dirt.Copy !req
233. Now fuck off back to that
kitchenCopy !req
234. - and get me what you should
have done the first time. Mug.
- Fine. Right, fine.Copy !req
235. OK, great, you want the
jalapeño sauce, mate?Copy !req
236. Well, you can have the
jalapeño sauce,Copy !req
237. but with my hot yellow piss
in it.Copy !req
238. Yeah, see how you like this!Copy !req
239. I can't go! I can't piss!Copy !req
240. Come on, bladder! Please let
me piss in the sauce!Copy !req
241. Mark?Copy !req
242. Am I sacked? Sh-Should I go?Copy !req
243. I bet I'm sacked.Copy !req
244. - Dobby will definitely dump
me now.
- No, she won't.Copy !req
245. She's got a special look of
pity for unemployed people.
Like this...Copy !req
246. I'd say that was more
sympathy, or empathy.Copy !req
247. One of the 'pathies. The
'pathies are nice.Copy !req
248. Anyway, we won't be able to
go away for her birthday now.Copy !req
249. We'll be stuck here with
own-brand couscous and
Wallander.Copy !req
250. Don't worry. Zahra says we
have only one thing to fear,
and that's fear itself.Copy !req
251. It's a clever saying, isn't
it?Copy !req
252. And what about losing all
your money?Copy !req
253. Or shitting yourself in
public?Copy !req
254. Or the tabloid press
mistakenly outing you as a
paedo?Copy !req
255. Or Alzheimer's? Or all of
those things, plus you're
drowning?Copy !req
256. It's a clever saying, though,
isn't it?Copy !req
257. Oh, Jesus! You're in love
with Zahra, aren't you?Copy !req
258. You shouldn't be in love with
her, Jeremy, you're playing
with fire.Copy !req
259. No, I'm not. I'm playing
with... the opposite of fire.Copy !req
260. - Water?
- Exactly. Thank you.Copy !req
261. Because, yeah, obviously, I
fancy Zahra,Copy !req
262. but I want to keep my nice
job, so I've decided to just
be in love with her mind.Copy !req
263. - A pure, modest, beautiful
love.Copy !req
264. And then possibly have a wank
when we're Skypeing.Copy !req
265. - Hans.
- Jez, you need to come and
get me.Copy !req
266. - What's up?
- I've accidentally run to
Windsor.Copy !req
267. - What?
- Yeah, I've mistakenly run
to Windsor.Copy !req
268. But that's in Scotland or
something, isn't it?Copy !req
269. I didn't mean to. It's just
the endorphins kicked in and I
couldn't stop.Copy !req
270. OK. Well, find some polythene
or something to pull over
yourselfCopy !req
271. and a bit of waste ground,
and I'm sure you'll feel fine
in the morning.Copy !req
272. My legs are gone, man. I'm a
jelly. I'm paralyzed.Copy !req
273. It feels fucking brilliant.Copy !req
274. God, I fancy you! Should I
make a move?Copy !req
275. I'll lose my job. I like my
job.Copy !req
276. Why can't I have everything
I want all the time? Isn't
that democracy?Copy !req
277. - This is a great book. I adore
magic realism, don't you?
- Love it.Copy !req
278. - You know, guys don't
usually get it as a genre.
- Mm.Copy !req
279. - Why am I not surprised that
you would?
- OK, here goes.Copy !req
280. I've been reading a very
brilliant novel lately.Copy !req
281. - Yeah?
- Yeah, it's about a man and a
woman.Copy !req
282. - It's not set here, it's set
out in... Iran.
- Oh.Copy !req
283. And the woman, she's with
someone else, who is the
man's...Copy !req
284. um, not boss, but
his... baseball coach.Copy !req
285. Yeah, and he really wants to
stay in the baseball team, the
man,Copy !req
286. but he also really wants to
get together with the
attractive woman.Copy !req
287. - It's a great book.
- What's it called?Copy !req
288. Baseball Man.Copy !req
289. Right, I've just got
to call round my book group
guys.Copy !req
290. Paul's can't host it, and
Ben's holding his poker game
at mine.Copy !req
291. Well, you could have your
book group at my place and I
could fill in for Paul.Copy !req
292. - You'd have to read the book
pretty quickly.
- No worries.Copy !req
293. - Hope it's Mr. Nice. I've
read Mr. Nice.
- It's Wuthering Heights.Copy !req
294. Doesn't sound like a Howard
Marks book, but fingers
crossed.Copy !req
295. - Ah, brilliant.
- Great, then. OK, well, why
don't we...Copy !req
296. Fuck hard, right here, and
then kill Ben?Copy !req
297. - .. grab a coffee?
- Super.Copy !req
298. Kenneth's lair. Should I?
Shouldn't I?Copy !req
299. Would Kenneth be welcomed
now?Copy !req
300. - Should I get a condom,
or...?
- OK.Copy !req
301. They're in the sock drawer.Copy !req
302. Hang on a second, then we can
let the enjoyable sex
continue.Copy !req
303. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
304. In a way, Kenneth, I hate
you.Copy !req
305. - Sorry, they're in here
somewhere, Dobs.Copy !req
306. - Shit, it's from Simon.
- Great (!)Copy !req
307. - His mum's died.
- You're off duty, Kenneth.
Stand at ease.Copy !req
308. Sorry, Mark. Is it all right
if I go over now, to see
Simon?Copy !req
309. Could I say my mum's dead?Copy !req
310. Would Dobby maybe believe
that long enough for me to go
home and shoot Mum?Copy !req
311. I do understand it's weird,
for usCopy !req
312. - so, if you'd rather I
didn't...
- You should go.Copy !req
313. Nicely selfless.Copy !req
314. I can't control what she
does, but I can make her feel
guilty while she does it.Copy !req
315. - It's really tragic, isn't
it?
- Very tragic indeed.Copy !req
316. Although... his mum was
loaded,Copy !req
317. - so Simon's going to be a
very well-off man.
- Is he?Copy !req
318. Superb (!) Young,
good-looking, sexy and now
rich.Copy !req
319. Perhaps the fucker can also
teleport.Copy !req
320. - Is that a book, Jeremy?
- Yes, it's a book. Why
shouldn't it be a book?Copy !req
321. - Why do you have it?
- I'm going to read it, Mark.Copy !req
322. - You're going to read a
book? You hate reading.
- No, I don't. I love reading.Copy !req
323. I read Mr. Nice four times. I
read The Bunny Suicides.Copy !req
324. Look, I've offered to host
Zahra's book group, OK?Copy !req
325. Now Shitty Ben's decided he's
comingCopy !req
326. because it's happening here
and he's all jealous and
suspicious.Copy !req
327. So what I thought was, even
though I can't tell Ben to
fuck off,Copy !req
328. I can defeat him mentally at
the book group and impress
Zahra by saying clever things.Copy !req
329. So I'm going to read all of
this book, from page one to...Copy !req
330. Oh, shit!372?Copy !req
331. How's the book going?
Enjoying it?Copy !req
332. I look at it, I read the
words, or think I do,Copy !req
333. but then I get distracted, or
I don't quite take it in, and
I have to go back.Copy !req
334. - I've been on the same four
pages for three hours.
- I see.Copy !req
335. Mark, how do you read? Can
you teach me to read?Copy !req
336. - You want me to teach you to
read?
- Yes. I mean, not literally.Copy !req
337. But how do you concentrate?
Please, tell me.Copy !req
338. - (TV ON)
- Well, turn the telly off for
a start.Copy !req
339. Oh, turn the telly off.
Everything bad starts with,
"Turn the telly off".Copy !req
340. OK, start reading that long
paragraph there.Copy !req
341. Right.Copy !req
342. You probably feel like
looking away from the page
now, don't you?Copy !req
343. - Yes. Yes, I do.
- Don't look away. Stay with
it.Copy !req
344. Fascinating. It's like
watching a sheep trying to use
an iPhone.Copy !req
345. Oh, it's too difficult.Copy !req
346. I mean, the story's told by a
man and then a lady, and then
no-one.Copy !req
347. Why can't we read something
simple, like Mr. Nice?Copy !req
348. Why don't you talk about Mr.
Nice instead?Copy !req
349. About all the different times
Mr. Nice got high, to
different extents.Copy !req
350. Right, I'm going to sit
outside on the balcony all
night and finish this book.Copy !req
351. That way I'll be cold and I
won't fall asleep.Copy !req
352. There he is, the Captain
Oates of having to read a
relatively short book.Copy !req
353. - I can't do it. It's 372
pages long and I'm freezing.
- My legs!Copy !req
354. So, what I was thinking was,
could you read it for me,Copy !req
355. the stupid olden-days book,
please?Copy !req
356. I'm not staying up all night
reading Wuthering Heights.Copy !req
357. Please. I'll do the
washing-up every day until I
die,Copy !req
358. then my children will do the
washing-up after that.Copy !req
359. Look, I'm broke and you're
relatively moneyed, so...Copy !req
360. Are we doing a deal? A grubby
deal?Copy !req
361. Like oilmen or corrupt
councilors?Copy !req
362. Deals happen every day,
Jeremy. Buying a Twix is a
deal.Copy !req
363. Paying for the toilet at
Euston is a deal.Copy !req
364. I'll read the book.Copy !req
365. I'll look at some online
criticism, but for a price.Copy !req
366. You massive prostitute.Copy !req
367. I am not a prostitute.Copy !req
368. Now, please get out of my
bed.Copy !req
369. Best to have Pringles in
bowls, otherwise you get
Pringle Hand.Copy !req
370. I think if Rod Hull and Emu
were still alive,Copy !req
371. they definitely would have
used them to advertise
Pringles.Copy !req
372. Yes. So, the birthday
weekend's going ahead if
you're still up for it.Copy !req
373. All the complimentary shower
caps we can wearCopy !req
374. and proper cafetieres in the
rooms.Copy !req
375. Mark, you're unemployed. You
can't afford that. Don't be
silly.Copy !req
376. - No, it's fine...
- Mark, listen.Copy !req
377. - Yes. Listening.
- I'm not still into Simon,
OK?Copy !req
378. His mum died, he was sad, I
made him a boiled egg.Copy !req
379. Stop waiting for all this to
blow up, because it's not
going to,Copy !req
380. - unless you detonate your
mad, paranoid, bomb vest.
- Sorry.Copy !req
381. How about we ditch the book
freaks and head back to my
place, yeah?Copy !req
382. You look like you need to be
in bed.Copy !req
383. Well, I am very tired, I was
up half the night reading...Copy !req
384. Oh, I see! Yeah. Got you.
Bed.Copy !req
385. - Lovely.
- They're ready, Mark.Copy !req
386. Yes, something else has come
up, Jez. I can't do the book
group.Copy !req
387. No, Mark, we made a deal.Copy !req
388. Remember? A grubby deal.
You've got to defeat Ben.Copy !req
389. I need to renege on the deal,
Jez. I really have got
something else I'd rather do.Copy !req
390. Mark, I need you.Copy !req
391. I haven't read the book.Copy !req
392. Jeremy!Copy !req
393. We thought we'd let you
start, as it's your place.Copy !req
394. We're letting you castrate
yourself, as it's your
penknife (!)Copy !req
395. - Away you go.
- Great.Copy !req
396. What do I say? I'm pretty
sure it's a love story.Copy !req
397. Can I compare it to another
love story? The film Love
Story, maybe?Copy !req
398. - Well, as a love story...
- I'm sorry, as a what?Copy !req
399. A love story.Copy !req
400. Come on, Jez! This isn't a
fucking love story.Copy !req
401. It's a fucking fuck story.
It's about animal lusts and
earth and dirt and fluids,Copy !req
402. not love, art, companionship,
all that rubbish.Copy !req
403. - I hate you.Copy !req
404. Crack.Copy !req
405. - There you go.
- Cheers.Copy !req
406. Wuthering Heights is so
obviously an exploration of,Copy !req
407. you know, wild elemental
forces...Copy !req
408. Jeremy's right, he's a shit.
Can we go in for five minutes,
Dobs?Copy !req
409. as an ode to dark passions
and a kind of...Copy !req
410. Savage rhapsody? Sorry, Ben,
very easily done,Copy !req
411. but I think you might
accidentally be giving
opinionsCopy !req
412. from quite a well-known
online essay on Wuthering
Heights as your own...Copy !req
413. Fuck you! Mark's
going into bat for me.Copy !req
414. .. hasn't understood the book
at all.Copy !req
415. Wuthering Heights isn't a
hymn to lust and passion.Copy !req
416. He's really good at this,
unlike any game involving a
bat.Copy !req
417. .. Gothic nonsense is, and how
it inevitably has to give way
to real life and real love.Copy !req
418. Wow! Blimey, Mark, you sound
like an intellectual,Copy !req
419. like... Tony Parsons or
something.Copy !req
420. This is what I was
born to do.Copy !req
421. It's like Robert Robinson
fucked Joan Bakewell and they
had me.Copy !req
422. Right, screw this. I'm off.Copy !req
423. Bunch of fucking pseuds.Copy !req
424. Well, shall we cool off, put
our big hot brains on ice for
five?Copy !req
425. - Back to yours?Copy !req
426. Sounds like a plan, Stan.Copy !req
427. - Thanks, mate.
- It's all right, Jez, I'm
just off to Dobby's.Copy !req
428. I don't think I'll be needing
to be friends with Kenneth any
more.Copy !req
429. OK. Do you think Kenneth
might have been made
redundant?Copy !req
430. Indeed. I think Kenneth can
take a hike.Copy !req
431. Kenneth is what Mark calls
his 9" dildo.Copy !req