Malcolm in the Middle 1x6

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Scotch Ellis Loring as Photographer • Karim Prince as Stanley • Sheff Otis as Stevenson • Chad Brannon as Cadet • Nick Gaza as Security Guard

Malcolm sleeps over at Stevie's house and, appalled at his over-protected lifestyle, persuades him to sneak out to a strange, late-night escapade. Francis deals with hazing at military school. Reese tries to prove he's man enough to watch a scary movie.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Squeeze in.

2. Little closer together.

3. Chins up like baby

4. birds. Lovely.

5. Move.

6. Shut up.

7. Stop touching me.

8. I'm not touching you.

9. I was clipping

10. on my tie.

11. While you were

12. touching me.

13. Stop it.

14. Why do we have

15. to do this?

16. Because we don't have a single

17. picture of us all together.

18. That's ridiculous.

19. We're a family— we should have

20. a family portrait.

21. Well, Francis

22. isn't here.

23. Well, I'm not gonna cough up

24. 200 bucks to fly him in

25. for one silly picture.

26. Where's Dewey?

27. Dewey, get out of there-

28. that's not your family.

29. You sure you want "autumn

30. leaves" as a backdrop?

31. Yes.

32. You didn't even look

33. at "happy windmills."

34. It's more colorful.

35. "Space shuttle."

36. Next.

37. Come on, let's go.

38. I have a coupon here for one

39. eight-by-ten and two wallet size

40. for $9.99, and

41. that's what I want.

42. I don't want the "golden

43. moments" collection.

44. I don't want the "family

45. and friends" collection.

46. I don't want the

47. "lifetime of love."

48. I want one eight-by-ten and

49. two wallet size for $9.99.

50. Fine. We have an installment

51. plan if that would help.

52. I brought a picture

53. of Francis.

54. He's gonna be

55. in the portrait.

56. Cool.

57. I'll hold it.

58. No, I'm gonna

59. hold it.

60. Let go.

61. I'm gonna hold it.

62. Come on.

63. Dewey, pants on, mister.

64. I'm sorry, but this

65. coupon's expired.

66. What?

67. It's expired.

68. What you want will

69. run you $39.50.

70. Ooh, "lonely beach."

71. We're kind of the "lonely

72. beach" family, right?

73. Hal.

74. But for another $5.00, you can

75. have the instant memory set.

76. That comes with double

77. exposure silhouettes

78. for the grandparents.

79. Look, could you please just do

80. what I'm asking you to...

81. I'm older!

82. It was my idea!

83. That is it!

84. Get up!

85. Get back!

86. Come here!

87. Go there!

88. Okay.

89. We are gonna take

90. this picture,

91. and it is gonna be good.

92. And that means no faces,

93. no tongues,

94. no crossed eyes,

95. no bunny ears.

96. We are gonna smile.

97. We are gonna look good.

98. It is gonna

99. cost us $9.99.

100. And all of this is

101. gonna happen

102. by the time

103. I count to three.

104. One, two, three.

105. Hello.

106. Hello?

107. Listen, pervert, this is

108. the third time you've called,

109. and I have just about had it...

110. Is Malcolm...

111. there?

112. Oh. Hi, Stevie.

113. Sorry, uh...

114. Malcolm, phone!

115. Hey, Stevie.

116. You're coming... tonight?

117. Yeah.

118. And sleeping... over?

119. It's a sleepover, Stevie—

120. that's what you do.

121. I'm just... excited.

122. Never... had one.

123. We can...

124. read comics...

125. and build...

126. models.

127. Stevie, I never thought I'd

128. say this, but slow down.

129. Ha... ha.

130. Forty-one.

131. Forty-two.

132. Forty-three.

133. Okay, stop,

134. I can't do anymore.

135. You think later on,

136. you can manage to stand

137. on my stomach

138. while I do sit-ups?

139. Ugh, just give me

140. a minute, okay?

141. Finley, what are you doing

142. in the cupboard?

143. Poquito cabeza.

144. Get out of there, man.

145. I can't— I've been marked by

146. the brothers of the apocalypse.

147. Poquito cabeza.

148. Brothers of the apocalypse?

149. It's ridiculous.

150. It's five seniors

151. with limited imaginations.

152. Oh, yeah, that's

153. easy for you to say.

154. You've got Stanley

155. protecting you.

156. And you're not holding

157. poquito cabeza.

158. Would you stop saying

159. poquito cabeza?

160. I can't.

161. And I'm not

162. coming out.

163. Oh, could you turn

164. in my math homework?

165. These guys are so lame.

166. Amateurs.

167. Poor Finley.

168. He's good at math, right?

169. Finley, boom-ba-yay,

170. Finley,

171. boom-ba-yay,

172. Finley, boom-ba-yay,

173. Finley, boom-ba-yay,

174. Finley, boom-ba-yay...

175. No!

176. Finley,

177. boom-ba-yay,

178. No! No, please!

179. Finley, boom-ba-yay,

180. Somebody help me. No.

181. Finley, boom-ba-yay,

182. Finley, boom...

183. Please, no.

184. Some... Somebody.

185. Stop.

186. Froot Loops.

187. Finley, boom-ba-yay,

188. Oh, please, please.

189. Finley, boom-ba-yay,

190. Help me! Help me!

191. Finley, boom-ba-yay...

192. No...!

193. Hey, Mom, I'm going to Stevie's.

194. You be nice to that boy.

195. He can't walk.

196. If he's got to go

197. to the bathroom

198. in the middle of the night,

199. you get up and you help him.

200. Yes! There's a Chucky

201. movie on tonight.

202. Not in this house.

203. You know how your father feels

204. about evil puppet movies.

205. Please, Mom.

206. It's not even

207. a school night.

208. I can stay up.

209. You really think

210. you're old enough?

211. I totally am.

212. Well, if you

213. really think so.

214. Aw, Mom, no fair.

215. What's the matter?

216. Afraid you can't

217. beat your mommy?

218. She's just a person,

219. she's just a person.

220. Oh, no.

221. He's finally

222. going to win.

223. What's he playing

224. for tonight?

225. Bedtime and a

226. Chucky movie.

227. Stop screwing around

228. and pin him.

229. Oh, you'll have to forgive

230. the mess, Malcolm.

231. Mmm, when our Stevie enters a

232. room, it's like a typhoon hit.

233. Well, uh, we'll

234. leave you alone.

235. Check it out, Stevie.

236. The T. rex is three feet

237. tall with a movable jaw.

238. Red paint for blood.

239. This is so cool.

240. I heard screaming.

241. Yeah.

242. I said, "This

243. is so cool."

244. Is that a switchblade?

245. It's an

246. X-Acto knife.

247. To cut the pieces apart.

248. I use it all the time.

249. Oh, my goodness.

250. Well, we'll lock this up

251. with the scissors.

252. How about a puzzle?

253. Stevie, it's been a long time

254. since you did

255. the Arc de Triomphe.

256. We'll just give that back

257. when you go home.

258. Hmm.

259. Puzzles are... fun.

260. You think we can

261. order some pizza?

262. Mom's... making...

263. pizza.

264. Cheeseless...

265. sauceless... pizza.

266. That's just bread.

267. Pizza... bread.

268. Wise poquito cabeza.

269. Who shall your next victim be?

270. I am so sick

271. of these guys.

272. What's that?

273. You're not sure?

274. I think we have a winner.

275. You are cordially invited

276. to attend...

277. Hey!

278. I don't have a

279. problem with you.

280. Francis.

281. Look, Stevenson,

282. this place is

283. horrible enough,

284. so the poquito cabeza

285. thing stops now, okay?

286. Just stop...

287. Just stop.

288. Just stop packing.

289. You were

290. protecting me.

291. I mean, I know we don't have,

292. like, a formal agreement

293. or anything, but my act

294. of courage was kind of dependent

295. on your role

296. as my bodyguard.

297. I'm sorry, Francis.

298. You're sorry?

299. Do you have any idea what

300. these guys are gonna do to me?

301. Four words.

302. Nana has a fever.

303. End of discussion.

304. So what am I

305. supposed to do?

306. Remember that move

307. I taught you?

308. Yeah.

309. Don't even try it.

310. Francis, boom-ba-yay,

311. Francis, boom-ba-yay,

312. Francis, boom-ba-yay...

313. Have to admit—

314. it's kind of catchy.

315. Francis, boom-ba-yay.

316. Did you have fun

317. tonight, Malcolm?

318. Yeah, I guess.

319. But isn't it kind of early

320. to be going to bed?

321. It's not even 8:00.

322. Oh, don't worry,

323. that jigsaw puzzle

324. will still be there

325. in the morning.

326. Now, I know you boys want to do

327. a little chatting

328. before sleepy time.

329. Let's say four minutes.

330. Mrs. Kenarban can

331. be a tad strict.

332. She doesn't know that sometimes

333. boys have to be boys.

334. Am I right?

335. I can't move.

336. Welcome to...

337. the club.

338. I'm never gonna

339. fall asleep.

340. It's too early.

341. Want to tell...

342. ghost stories?

343. No, I want to do

344. that dinosaur model.

345. Everything all right

346. in there, boys?

347. Um, yeah.

348. A plush toy just fell

349. on the floor.

350. We're fine.

351. You... can't.

352. I just did.

353. Your parents need

354. to cut you some slack.

355. They just...

356. want me... safe.

357. No, they want you

358. to be four.

359. Stevie, parents aren't allowed

360. to control everything you do.

361. Sometimes,

362. you just have...

363. Sorry.

364. Conditioning.

365. Come on.

366. I got an idea.

367. We're gonna get you

368. out of here.

369. Don't.

370. It's alarmed.

371. You got me?

372. Yeah.

373. You got me?

374. No.

375. I didn't know...

376. you cared.

377. Okay.

378. You want maturity?

379. Well, here's three weeks

380. of social studies homework.

381. Now I'm one week ahead.

382. Plus, I called Grandma.

383. Hello.

384. Hi, Grandma, it's Reese.

385. Who is this? Reese.

386. Grandma, it-it's Reese.

387. Who's Reese?

388. Grandma, it's Reese.

389. No, I won't accept charges.

390. It's Reese.

391. I'm trying to sleep.

392. Grandma, come on, it's Reese.

393. I'm very tired, please.

394. Grandma...

395. It goes on like that

396. for another ten minutes,

397. but I still want credit.

398. Honey, I'm very proud of you,

399. but you still haven't proven

400. you're old enough

401. to extend your bedtime.

402. Come on, Mom, I'll do anything.

403. All right.

404. Tell you what.

405. You can stay up and watch

406. the movie, if...

407. you put Dewey

408. to bed.

409. Oh.

410. Anything else.

411. That's the deal.

412. You give him his bath,

413. you put him in his PJs,

414. you read him a story.

415. Lois, have a heart.

416. Hey, take it

417. or leave it.

418. I'll take it.

419. Come on, Dewey!

420. It's bath time!

421. You know he doesn't

422. stand a chance.

423. I know, but at least it'll give

424. us the night to be alone.

425. Oh.

426. I love the way

427. your mind works.

428. Honk.

429. Smoothie.

430. I'm... winning.

431. I... lost.

432. Yes.

433. I got... another

434. quarter... in my chair.

435. Somebody stole my

436. friend's wheelchair.

437. What's it look like?

438. It's a chair

439. with wheels.

440. I'll go get a form.

441. I don't need a form,

442. I need a wheelchair.

443. Hey!

444. Come back!

445. I'm not kidding!

446. This ain't funny!

447. I'll get another chair.

448. I'm... screwed.

449. You're not screwed.

450. We just got to

451. get you home.

452. We'll deal with

453. everything else...

454. What are we going

455. to do now?

456. Carry me... like...

457. a backpack.

458. Stop! Stop!

459. Gonna... puke.

460. Ow! Let me go!

461. Come on, Dewey.

462. It's me.

463. You like me.

464. No, I don't.

465. Ow.

466. Dewey, please!

467. How much does my head weigh?

468. Zero.

469. Zero.

470. Hey, do you remember

471. the last time we had

472. a quiet moment

473. together like this?

474. Bob's funeral.

475. Yeah.

476. Oh, that was nice.

477. And you look

478. great in black.

479. Aw...

480. You do. You do.

481. Let the machine

482. get it.

483. Mmm.

484. Mom, Dad, hi.

485. Listen, something's come up.

486. Sorry about the way I sound,

487. but I'm calling

488. from inside a washing machine.

489. Don't worry, I think

490. I'll be fine as long as...

491. Oh. Hi, guys.

492. How's it going?

493. Hey, hey, what are you doing

494. with those quarters?

495. Hey, you guys,

496. you don't want to...

497. Hey, come on...!

498. Morning Dew.

499. You know

500. all my secrets.

501. Mm-hmm.

502. Well, we... we've been

503. together a long time.

504. Ah, well, don't worry.

505. I know all

506. your secrets, too.

507. No, you don't.

508. Oh, yes, I do.

509. No, I'm a man of

510. mystery, Lois.

511. Okay,

512. let's hear one.

513. Let's hear a secret.

514. Well, it's not really a secret

515. as much as it is a fantasy,

516. but it's a little

517. embarrassing, so...

518. Well, so...

519. whisper it in my ear.

520. Ha-ha.

521. Just kidding.

522. Just kidding.

523. Saw it in a

524. movie once.

525. Don't want to do

526. that— that's...

527. Oh, God.

528. I gotcha.

529. We can do that.

530. Really?

531. Mm-hmm.

532. Dewey, get back here!

533. Okay, I just have to

534. pick up a few things.

535. Give me 20 minutes?

536. I'll be waiting.

537. Yes.

538. Honey?

539. Huh? Huh?

540. Honey, aren't you

541. forgetting something?

542. Thank you.

543. Thank you.

544. Your car keys.

545. Come on, Dewey, stop!

546. Right.

547. Stay out of the neighbor's...

548. That's a nice cart.

549. Thanks.

550. It's new.

551. Downtown... rocks.

552. What's that?

553. A stripped car.

554. What's that?

555. A naked man arguing

556. with a wall.

557. What's that?

558. A nudie bookstore.

559. With my dad

560. coming out of it.

561. There you go.

562. Daddy's gonna get

563. some love tonight.

564. Perhaps you'll survive—

565. perhaps not.

566. Many have perished at the hands

567. of the grand executioner.

568. They are the

569. lucky ones.

570. Are you scared?

571. Actually, now that

572. you mention it... no.

573. What?

574. Scared now?

575. No.

576. I'm just kind of itchy.

577. Huh?

578. You are hanging over

579. a bottomless pit.

580. In five seconds, I

581. will cut the rope.

582. Are you scared now?

583. I'm really not, no.

584. Why not?

585. This stuff is

586. way scary.

587. I'm sorry, it just feels

588. so... amateurish.

589. I mean, I know

590. you guys are trying,

591. but I've been tormented

592. by the best.

593. Let me tell you a little bit

594. about the master.

595. Traveling?

596. He wasn't traveling.

597. Why don't you put your glasses

598. on here, buddy?

599. You're missing

600. a great game.

601. Oh, oh-oh, you're gonna

602. give me a technical?

603. You're gonna give

604. me a technical?

605. You can't give me

606. a technical!

607. Look at that

608. little pee-pee.

609. Oh, Francis, I forgot

610. how tiny you are.

611. Oh-oh, l-l...

612. That's the moment

613. of his birth.

614. You see? See him

615. coming out feet first?

616. Doctor said it was the biggest

617. mucus plug they'd ever seen.

618. It's an eight-inch scratch

619. on the car, Francis!

620. You know how much that's

621. gonna cost to fix?

622. If you think you are ever,

623. ever borrowing my car again,

624. you are sadly

625. mistaken!

626. And I saw that

627. tattoo, Jimmy!

628. I'm telling your mother!

629. And that's just the stuff

630. I didn't block out.

631. Oh, man.

632. What have

633. we been doing?

634. This was all

635. so wrong.

636. We've got to stop treating

637. people like this.

638. Yeah.

639. If we're gonna do this,

640. we're gonna do it right.

641. You will never

642. amount to anything.

643. Why can't you just

644. apply yourself?

645. Do you enjoy

646. seeing me suffer?

647. Is that what this is?

648. After all that

649. I've done for you,

650. and this is the

651. thanks I get?

652. We passed... that

653. couch... an hour ago.

654. I know

655. where we're going.

656. Oh, no, I don't.

657. This sucks.

658. You complain... a lot.

659. Well, I'm sorry,

660. but tonight hasn't exactly been

661. the most fun

662. in the world.

663. Not tonight.

664. All the time.

665. You never...

666. stop... bitching.

667. Okay, great.

668. You're gonna do

669. this now? Fine.

670. You were right.

671. We shouldn't have snuck

672. out of your house.

673. We shouldn't have

674. gone to the arcade.

675. It was stupid of me for

676. even thinking about it.

677. It was a dumb idea.

678. No.

679. Good idea.

680. Execution... sucked.

681. Yeah, do it again, man.

682. Come on, do it.

683. Yeah.

684. Your chair. Hey!

685. Oh...

686. I'm slowing... you down.

687. Get them... yourself.

688. Okay.

689. Faster, man,

690. they're gaining on us.

691. Come on!

692. Get out of the chair.

693. Oh, right.

694. You'd better be running!

695. Hey, Stevie, I got your...

696. Oh, my God.

697. Stevie, are

698. you okay?

699. Can't feel... my legs.

700. That's not funny.

701. Is there anything I can do

702. to get out

703. of the ticket, Officer?

704. Just love me.

705. Ah, for crying out loud,

706. Hal, is that it?

707. Well, can't he be

708. a sensitive cop?

709. No! N-No!

710. Th-That puppet's alive!

711. N-No...!

712. Tonight was...

713. awesome.

714. Well, we kind of

715. got lucky.

716. I was... sort of

717. hoping... to get caught.

718. What?

719. Never been...

720. in trouble.

721. Like to see...

722. what it's like.

723. Sometimes you're such

724. a Krelboyne.

725. Oh! I've lost my baby! Oh...

726. I guess... we are...

727. in trouble... after all.

728. Malcolm?

729. My boy!

730. Malcolm...?

731. Just find my boy.

732. Oh, God.

733. Malcolm?