King of the Hill 6x18

Directed by Cyndi Tang-Loveland • Cyndi Tang

Breckin Meyer as Joseph Gribble (voice) • David Herman as Bug Gribble / Juan Pedro (voice)

Hank learns that the incident estranging Dale from his cowboy father was a cover to keep him in the dark about Dad being in the closet.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hmm... no.

2. Oh, shoot.

3. I just want this renewal of vows to be perfect.

4. Twenty years with Dale.

5. And one year since you stopped cheating on him with John Redcorn.

6. I can still wear white, can't I?

7. Mmm... Mm-mm.

8. But Shug, if I don't wear white,

9. Dale might get suspicious,

10. and right now, the only ones who know about the affair

11. are me, John Redcorn and God.

12. And you, and Hank, and Bill and Boomhauer.

13. And possibly Bobby.

14. And of course, John Redcorn's sister.

15. She's got a mouth on her.

16. Well, it's your funeral.

17. Just kidding.

18. It's your wedding, and it will be a dream come true.

19. Hey, Bunnykins, how's my fiancée?

20. I'm just running our guest list over to Peggy.

21. She is my re-maid of honor and all,

22. and she's been dying to use her calligraphy kit.

23. Odd. Vexing.

24. My father's name is on the list.

25. Make sure his full name reads,

26. "Bug Gribble, womanizing jerk

27. who's not invited to my re-wedding because I hate him."

28. Come on, shug.

29. Sometimes good people do bad things.

30. Some of them for years and years.

31. - Can't you forgive? - Jih! Jih! Jih!

32. Need I remind you of what my father did

33. on our wedding day?

34. Need I?

35. It was the most

36. lavish potluck wedding the neighborhood had ever seen.

37. Thanks for coming.

38. I'll let you all know how the deflowering went.

39. Full of love in my heart and wedding beer in my bladder,

40. I went inside to use the restroom

41. where I was confronted by a horrible sight.

42. - Sorry. - Rock 'n' roll, man!

43. Yeah! Rock 'n'...

44. So naturally, I headed for the kitchen sink,

45. and that's where I saw it.

46. - Dad?

47. Bug!

48. Damn you, Daddy!

49. I loved my dad like a father,

50. and he betrayed me like a betrayer.

51. Please, Dale, I want this re-wedding

52. to be a fresh start for all of us.

53. If I can forgive him for tongue-stabbing me

54. on my holy day, why can't you?

55. He probably misses you, Dale.

56. I know I miss my dad.

57. I can't tell you how many nights he locked me in that rabbit hutch.

58. I deserved it, though.

59. I just couldn't listen.

60. My dad doesn't care about me.

61. He's the big rodeo star going town to town,

62. delighting children and defiling women.

63. And right in the middle of the re-wedding,

64. I pop out of the cake

65. with two sparklers.

66. I like it. I like it a lot,

67. except for the part about you.

68. But the cake part, now that is an excellent idea.

69. Hey, shugs.

70. Imagine this,

71. are-wedding cake.

72. Now just let that sink in.

73. Um, I have a favor to ask.

74. Would you bring this invite to Dale's dad?

75. Uh, Nancy...

76. Hank, it's been 20 years.

77. Maybe Bug has changed.

78. I've changed.

79. If he has, invite him

80. so he can give Dale away again.

81. If he hasn't, tell him I look great and to go to hell!

82. I don't know. Bug's a cowboy.

83. How do you find a cowboy?

84. In his last postcard,

85. he said his rodeo was going to be in Coburn

86. through the end of the month. Pretty please.

87. Well, I guess I am the best man,

88. and with the joy of responsibility

89. comes the burden of obligation.

90. I wonder why so many cowboys have mustaches?

91. Oh, my God, look!

92. The beer tent!

93. I kind of like this song.

94. You know, the YMCA has terrific facilities.

95. Ooh, rainbows!

96. Where are all the ladies?

97. Well, they're probably crowding around Dale's dad's trailer.

98. I bet half of these poor bastards are losing their gals right now.

99. And next up in the drag race

100. it's Buttercup McGee

101. in a fetching Ann Taylor sundress!

102. And he's out!

103. Hey, that guy's wearing a dress.

104. Yeah, he must have lost

105. some kind of crazy cowboy bet. Boy, does he feel silly.

106. And Buttercup goes down,

107. but don't go anywhere, rodeo fans!

108. Up next, Bug Gribble takes on the meanest goat in Texas.

109. And the fun is just beginning here at the gay rodeo!

110. Did he just say, "the gay rodeo"?

111. Shut up, Bill.

112. Don't laugh. They can hear you.

113. Gay rodeo.

114. Dang ol' Blazing Saddles.

115. Come on, guys. Keep it together.

116. You're acting like a bunch of 12-year-olds.

117. This is a real sporting event.

118. I saw it on ESPN 3.

119. That's where they parked poor Fran Tarkington.

120. I don't get it.

121. Why would Bug be in a gay rodeo?

122. Well, the guy's 60.

123. Maybe he couldn't make it on the regular circuit.

124. It's like those guys who have to play

125. European basketball or Canadian football.

126. And now please direct your eyes to the main arena

127. for the event of the day!

128. Bug Gribble and Madeline the Goat!

129. What the hell is Bug doing to that goat?

130. Is he trying to put...

131. ugh, ladies' undergarments on that animal?

132. Thank you, girls!

133. I love you all!

134. Oh, my God.

135. Dale's dad is gay.

136. Boomhauer, you want to go get some cotton candy?

137. That would make me happy

138. or should I say "gay"?

139. Good one, man.

140. All right, they're gay.

141. Ha, ha, ha.

142. Now, here's trailer number seven.

143. We've got to go talk to Bug.

144. No, you go ahead, Hank.

145. Boomhauer and I are going to go out in the parking lot and make out.

146. We're both men!

147. We're both men!

148. Dauterive, man, you're on a roll, man!

149. Jerks.

150. No autographs!

151. Unless I'm signing your chest!

152. Uh...

153. Hello, Mr. Gribble.

154. Little Hanky Hill?

155. Come in, come in, come in! Entrez-vous!

156. FYI, it's a mess.

157. So, what are you doing here?

158. Are you gay?

159. What? No!

160. I sell propane.

161. Oh, my lord!

162. Something has happened to Dale, hasn't it?

163. He didn't "return to sender" my last postcard!

164. No, no, everything's fine.

165. Dale and Nancy are renewing their wedding vows,

166. and she wanted me to invite you as kind of a...

167. a surprise for Dale.

168. Oh. Oh, God. The wedding.

169. That was not this cowpoke's finest hour.

170. Ah, yeah, you know, my friends are waiting for me...

171. Honey, wait.

172. I want to tell you what really happened.

173. The unabashed truth.

174. It was 20 years ago.

175. I was not yet being honest with myself, let alone others.

176. And as I was explaining this

177. to the most beautiful Filipino caterer,

178. he leaned in close.

179. Rock 'n' roll, man!

180. I saw Dale coming.

181. I panicked and...

182. grabbed the nearest thing in a dress.

183. Dad?

184. Every day I think about the mess I've made of things,

185. and I'm tortured, Hank.

186. But maybe now I've got another chance to get back in my son's life!

187. Yeah, uh, the invitation

188. didn't say anything about formal attire,

189. but I'm guessing you might want to, uh,

190. you know, tone it down a bit.

191. Don't worry, I'm not going to wear

192. the spangles and rhinestones when I see Dale.

193. Those are my stage clothes.

194. The gay rodeo is theater, honey.

195. It's just camp!

196. You know, kitschy fun!

197. So I'll see you later.

198. Have fun at your camp.

199. Who wants paella?

200. Gary and Mike made it, and it's decadent.

201. Oh, company.

202. And who are you?

203. Juan Pedro, this is Hank Hill.

204. He's a friend of... a friend.

205. I'm a friend of his son.

206. You have a son?

207. Bug, how can you have a son?

208. I asked you a question.

209. How can you have a son?

210. Uh, you see, when a man and a woman care for each other, what happens...

211. I was married!

212. Married! You lying snake!

213. - You!

214. I was confused, and it was a very painful time for me!

215. And I want to share your pain,

216. but you hide from me!

217. I'm sorry.

218. Oh, Pedro, please...

219. - Please, Juan Pedro!

220. Gentlemen.

221. By the way, pumpkin,

222. the federal government may use this wedding

223. as an opportunity to make its move on me,

224. so some of the champagne bottles

225. contain gasoline and rags.

226. Or was it the wine bottles?

227. Howdy, Dale.

228. Ah, son.

229. You.

230. I've been waiting 20 years for this moment.

231. Prepare to be destroyed

232. by the deadliest of all martial arts.

233. Monkey-style!

234. Pressure point.

235. Gouge the eyes, grab the tongue, Achilles tendon!

236. I deserve that

237. and any other kind of monkey mischief you can throw at me.

238. I hate myself for what I did to you.

239. I hate you more!

240. Trust me, I'm an expert hater.

241. I don't blame you.

242. Planting one on Nancy

243. was the worst, most disgusting thing I've ever done,

244. and I'm here to say I, I...

245. I want my boy back.

246. - My God, you're pathetic.

247. And to think I once called you...

248. Daddy.

249. - Son. - Daddy!

250. Let it out, child!

251. I am. I'm crying!

252. If you'd have told me last week,

253. I'd be lying in bed, pasting my father's head

254. back on the family photos,

255. I'd have called you nuts, but here we are.

256. I'm glad you're glad he's back, shug,

257. but have you noticed anything different about your dad?

258. Doesn't he seem a little fancier?

259. The only thing that's different is he's here, and I love him.

260. Yep, as long as he keeps his hands

261. off your hot body, we're cool.

262. Psst, psst.

263. Guys, do you want to see

264. the most heartwarming sight you've ever seen?

265. Look, my dad's teaching Joseph an old cowboy trick.

266. Remember, keep your forearms angled

267. and don't let the panties slip over your elbows.

268. Don't worry, Grandpa.

269. That goat's getting pantied.

270. Yeah, I bet some babe at the rodeo threw those panties at my dad,

271. and he kept them as a souvenir.

272. Yep.

273. Yep.

274. Mm-hmm.

275. Yep.

276. Oh, my turn?

277. Yep.

278. Bug Gribble's taxi service.

279. Oh, God. I completely forgot.

280. Dale, this is Juan Pedro,

281. my, uh... special friend.

282. Nice to meet you.

283. Any special friend of my dad's is a special friend of mine.

284. These are my special friends,

285. Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer.

286. Hey, man.

287. Son, I'm so sorry.

288. Juan Pedro and I have plans tonight.

289. But, Dad, you were supposed to go to the gun club

290. to show my buddies your pistol twirling.

291. But we were supposed to play Taboo

292. with Gary and Mike tonight.

293. Oh, I'm in quite the pickle.

294. What to do? What to do?

295. Look, Juan Pedro,

296. why don't you come to the gun club with us tonight,

297. then tomorrow we can all go to Gary and Mike's and play Taboo?

298. Well, okay.

299. We can do Gary and Mike any time.

300. And wait till you try my margaritas.

301. Great.

302. Hank likes margaritas. Hey, Hank!

303. You coming over to Gary and Mike's tomorrow

304. for margaritas and Taboo?

305. - Nope. - Oh, I know you. Hello, Hank.

306. Hello, Juan Pedro.

307. I never knew you could buy ties

308. that weren't pre-tied.

309. Oh, sweetie, I have so much to teach you.

310. Speaking of which, Dad,

311. I'm, I'm a little nervous about my re-wedding night.

312. You've satisfied thousands of women.

313. You got any pointers?

314. Check it out, Dad. I'm John Redcorn.

315. I don't see it.

316. I'll show you how to do John Redcorn.

317. Excuse us.

318. Joseph is such a beautiful boy.

319. Is he a... adopted?

320. No, not exactly.

321. He's... um...

322. well, he's...

323. It's a long story.

324. - Nancy! - I know, I know.

325. I must rechannel the energy

326. of your wife's ancestors' spirit winds.

327. Have you told Dale yet?

328. I've thought about it.

329. But telling your husband you cheated on him

330. is such an unpleasant conversation.

331. I think the party will be much more fun if you and I just stay in the closet.

332. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life,

333. - but I can't do that anymore. - No!

334. Dale needs to know his Daddy is queerer than a box of birds.

335. Get away from my wife

336. or next time I'll aim for the mannequin and hit you.

337. Dale, there's something I need to get off my chest.

338. If we're going to have a real relationship again,

339. we should be 100 percent Oprah honest with each other.

340. Are you in love with Nancy?

341. I'm not the man you think I am.

342. My rodeo is a... gay rodeo.

343. Why would a confirmed bachelor such as yourself

344. work at a gay rodeo?

345. Honey, even when I was married to your mother,

346. I was leading a secret life.

347. Don't you see?

348. Juan Pedro is not just my special friend.

349. He's my partner.

350. Partner?

351. Why do you need a partner to work the gay rodeo?

352. Wait a minute.

353. You're...

354. Oh, my God! I can't believe this.

355. My own father...

356. Dale, forget I said anything.

357. We were having so much fun.

358. Let's go back to being a family again.

359. Too late!

360. You're re-uninvited to my re-wedding.

361. - Now get out! - Dale, please!

362. - Get out! I can never trust you again!

363. Get out before I have Nancy throw you out!

364. - Oh, shug.

365. I can't believe it.

366. It was right in front of my face this whole time.

367. My father is a government agent.

368. He told you that?

369. He didn't have to. The secret life,

370. working undercover, with a partner,

371. what other explanation is there?

372. Oh, God.

373. This is my worst nightmare come true.

374. Nancy, I don't know what to do.

375. No one's ever deceived me before.

376. I guess I can fit in one more beer

377. before the ceremony.

378. Can you believe it?

379. My own dad is government.

380. I really thought I knew the man. Hmm...

381. Now what illicit activities could gay cowboys be up to?

382. Money laundering? Income tax evasion?

383. Counterfeiting?

384. Are you sure that's what he told you?

385. That he was a... Fed?

386. First, he deep tongue-kisses my wife,

387. then he crawls into bed with the Federal government.

388. Dale, where are you going?

389. To the gay rodeo to blow my dad's cover wide open.

390. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!

391. I can't find the ring!

392. That was just a piece of tinfoil we gave you

393. to make you feel important.

394. Oh, thank God.

395. Hey!

396. Oh. Sorry.

397. This was supposed to be my fresh start,

398. my new beginning.

399. Why is God punishing me?

400. Why, shug?

401. You know, baby, ain't no question...

402. - Boomhauer, do something. Mm-hmm.

403. Yeah, man. Thank you very much, man.

404. Dang ol'... pretty much all I got, man.

405. Huh?

406. Dale, what are you doing here?

407. I'm here to expose you for what you are,

408. an undercover government agent.

409. A government agent?

410. Oh, sweetie, there's been a huge misunderstanding.

411. I'm gay.

412. If only that were true.

413. Dale, it is true.

414. I'm gay.

415. Nice try, J. Edgar.

416. Dale, honey, "denial" ain't just a club outside McMaynerberry.

417. Attention, gay guys!

418. Bug Gribble is an agent of the FBI.

419. He's here to monitor and surveil your every move.

420. If you have something to hide, I suggest you hide it.

421. What?

422. Listen up, homosexuals and so-called bisexuals.

423. You are being...

424. Panties?

425. Force of habit.

426. Now zip it, mister.

427. You are embarrassing me in front of the whole community.

428. Oh, my God!

429. Is what I am hearing the honest to God truth?

430. Are you a police?

431. Juan Pedro, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

432. How can I believe you?

433. Until a few days ago, I did not even know you had a son.

434. He might have more.

435. He has a bottomless appetite for women.

436. He thinks you love women?

437. I thought you told him about us.

438. Are you ashamed of me?

439. I did tell him.

440. Baby, please.

441. You know you'll always be my caballero numero uno.

442. - I'm drowning in your lies. - Then swim to me, Juan Pedro.

443. Don't give up on us, the life we've built together.

444. I love you.

445. You know that, don't you?

446. Yes.

447. And I love you, Bug-a-lug.

448. Rock and ro...

449. Here's to new beginnings.

450. And happy endings.

451. Boy, your can looks so freaking hot in that dress,

452. for the next 20 years, I'm going to call you "Cancy."

453. Aw, shug.

454. So are you really okay with your dad being gay?

455. Why would I have a problem with it?

456. John Redcorn's gay,

457. and I've been friends with him for years.

458. Monkey-style!