1. Yep.Copy !req
2. Yep.Copy !req
3. Mm-hm.Copy !req
4. Yep.Copy !req
5. Mm-hm.Copy !req
6. All right, there's the man of the hour.Copy !req
7. Give it, give it, give it!Copy !req
8. Dang it, Bill,
you were supposed to buy the beer.Copy !req
9. I went to the Mega Lo Mart.Copy !req
10. They were all out of Alamo.Copy !req
11. Did you look hard?Copy !req
12. If you guys think I'm so stupidCopy !req
13. that I can't tell
when a store is out of beer,Copy !req
14. you're welcome to go there
and see for yourself.Copy !req
15. Huh, they are out of Alamo.Copy !req
16. The whole state's out of Alamo.Copy !req
17. I already told you that this morning.Copy !req
18. Well, if you had come back
to the alley with meCopy !req
19. like I had asked...Copy !req
20. I have a good mind
to put my fist through this thing.Copy !req
21. You probably forgot to put in the code.Copy !req
22. Oh. Right, the code. What is it again?Copy !req
23. Are you a full-time teacher?Copy !req
24. Today, I'm a full-time Spanish teacher.Copy !req
25. So, you're a sub. I'm sorry.Copy !req
26. They only trust full-timers with the code.Copy !req
27. We've had problems with frivolous use.Copy !req
28. Hmm. How many copies do you need?Copy !req
29. Oh, uh, 20 copies of the Spanish quiz.Copy !req
30. And a hundred of these.Copy !req
31. And that is?Copy !req
32. I'm selling a bike.Copy !req
33. Hi Brau?Copy !req
34. I can't drink this.Copy !req
35. You know I only drink Alamo.Copy !req
36. And you know all the stores are out of it.Copy !req
37. But nobody knows why.Copy !req
38. Hey, Mom, remember that
Alamo hotline we calledCopy !req
39. when I got that pop top
stuck on my big toe?Copy !req
40. It should be easier to call it this timeCopy !req
41. without you screaming in my ear.Copy !req
42. Hello, and thank you
for calling Alamo beer.Copy !req
43. For English, press one.Copy !req
44. Ooh, I've never been indignant
in Spanish before.Copy !req
45. Hola, Alamo beer.Copy !req
46. Hola, Peggy Hill.Copy !req
47. Much gracias, señorita.Copy !req
48. Usted "flatter" me.Copy !req
49. Well, adios.Copy !req
50. Great news, Hank.
I just hung up with Alamo.Copy !req
51. What'd they say?
What happened to all the beer?Copy !req
52. Right, the shortage.Copy !req
53. It didn't come up.Copy !req
54. But they liked my español so much,Copy !req
55. they offered me a temp jobCopy !req
56. as a bilingual customer
service representative.Copy !req
57. That's even better.Copy !req
58. You'll be on the inside
working in the same facilityCopy !req
59. as Brewmaster Konrad "Skip" Meinhoffer IV.Copy !req
60. You can ask him what's going on
with the beer.Copy !req
61. This is your VAP card.Copy !req
62. It designates you as a Very Alamo Person.Copy !req
63. It gets you into all the restricted
Employee Only areas of Alamo.Copy !req
64. This will be your desk.Copy !req
65. Welcome to the Alamo family.Copy !req
66. Well, it's a little early,
but what the hell?Copy !req
67. No, Peggy, this is your box
of Alamomentos.Copy !req
68. Alamo mug, Alamo hat, Alamo keychain,Copy !req
69. and a Don't Drink and Drive T-shirt.Copy !req
70. Are these items available
to the general public?Copy !req
71. - Nope.
- Then I will treasure them.Copy !req
72. Bill, you have to make a decision.Copy !req
73. We got red lager,Copy !req
74. pale ale, amber nut,Copy !req
75. - honey wheat...
- I don't know!Copy !req
76. I'm too old to learn all this stuff.Copy !req
77. Guys, guys! Great news!Copy !req
78. Peggy got a job at Alamo.Copy !req
79. She'll find out
what's going on with our beer.Copy !req
80. I'll tell you
what's going on with our beer.Copy !req
81. They've sold it to the Japanese
who will change the formulaCopy !req
82. and repackage it in square bottlesCopy !req
83. that will only fit cup holders
in Japanese cars.Copy !req
84. Changing the formula? I don't like change.Copy !req
85. Now, just calm down.Copy !req
86. The bond between a beer companyCopy !req
87. and its loyal drinkers is sacred.Copy !req
88. There's no way
they'd tamper with somethingCopy !req
89. that won the Munich Beer Festival of 1849.Copy !req
90. Peggy will be home any minute
and then we'll know.Copy !req
91. You know, Theresa,
this Alamo mug and Alamo hatCopy !req
92. and Alamo keychain get me to thinking...Copy !req
93. What has happened to all the Alamo beer?Copy !req
94. Oh, I'd be happy to tell you,Copy !req
95. but first, I'm going to need
your Jane Hancock on this.Copy !req
96. "Non-disclosure agreement."Copy !req
97. Now, that you're part of the Alamo family,Copy !req
98. you're going to be trustedCopy !req
99. with some of the family secrets.Copy !req
100. We need to know that those secretsCopy !req
101. will stay in the family.Copy !req
102. I have never had a problem
keeping a secret.Copy !req
103. Ask any of the gay teachers
I've worked with.Copy !req
104. But you couldn't, because I would not
tell you who they were.Copy !req
105. So, what's the skinny?Copy !req
106. Well...Copy !req
107. Hey! All right!Copy !req
108. Come on, Peggy.
- Come on, guys, get away from the car.Copy !req
109. Alamo employee coming through.Copy !req
110. Gentlemen, the mystery is solved.Copy !req
111. - What'd you find out?
- Out with it!Copy !req
112. Please, Peggy!Copy !req
113. Unfortunately, that is all I can tell you.Copy !req
114. What? Why?Copy !req
115. As a new member of the Alamo family,Copy !req
116. I signed a non-disclosure agreement,Copy !req
117. which means that
while I am privy to company secrets,Copy !req
118. I cannot reveal them.Copy !req
119. Don't worry.
I'll get to the bottom of this.Copy !req
120. So, I was thinking...Copy !req
121. Um...Copy !req
122. You want to go ahead
and tell me what's going on?Copy !req
123. You know I cannot.Copy !req
124. Sure, you can.Copy !req
125. I am sorry, Hank.Copy !req
126. Alamo trusts me
not to tell you their secrets,Copy !req
127. just as you trust me not to tell themCopy !req
128. about your narrow urethra.Copy !req
129. And believe me,
I had the perfect opportunity.Copy !req
130. I'll get out the foot lotion.Copy !req
131. Oh, stop begging.Copy !req
132. Come on!Copy !req
133. You have a temp job one day,Copy !req
134. and it's more important
than a 20-year marriage?Copy !req
135. What about "no secrets," huh?Copy !req
136. "Till death do us part"?Copy !req
137. Think about that, Peggy. Death!Copy !req
138. Okay. But you have to promise
not to tell anyone.Copy !req
139. I promise. I promise.Copy !req
140. Seriously, you can't tell the guys.Copy !req
141. I could lose my job for telling just you,Copy !req
142. and I already have 23 cents
in my pension plan.Copy !req
143. They are not changing the formula.Copy !req
144. They are trying to sell
more beer in Mexico,Copy !req
145. so they sent all
of last month's production run down there,Copy !req
146. but not to worry.Copy !req
147. Alamo beer will be back
on the shelves in five days.Copy !req
148. Oh, Peggy, that's great news.Copy !req
149. The guys and I can
probably get to Mexico...Copy !req
150. No, Hank! You can't tell the guys,Copy !req
151. and you can't go to Mexico!Copy !req
152. All right, fine.Copy !req
153. But you can't stop me
from dreaming about it.Copy !req
154. Do not tell me what I can and cannot do.Copy !req
155. Did she tell you, Hank?Copy !req
156. Tell me, tell me, tell me!Copy !req
157. I'll hold my breath if you don't tell me.Copy !req
158. He'll pass out before he dies.Copy !req
159. He always does.Copy !req
160. Sorry, guys.Copy !req
161. I promised Peggy I wouldn't say anything.Copy !req
162. Who would have thought Hank would putCopy !req
163. some flash-in-the-pan wife
before 30 years of friendship?Copy !req
164. Yeah, man, you talking
about no secrets, man.Copy !req
165. You know, this is like
when we were kids, man.Copy !req
166. Ol' skinned knees,
and ol' first crushes, man, you know.Copy !req
167. Lemonade stands,
a little treehouse, you know.Copy !req
168. Man, if you can't trust no people
in this alley, man,Copy !req
169. I wouldn't want to be alive, man.Copy !req
170. You and your guilt trips, Boomhauer.Copy !req
171. But I promised Peggy I wouldn't tell,Copy !req
172. so, don't give me those Basset Hound eyes.Copy !req
173. After every call, write down
where they called fromCopy !req
174. and what the problem is.Copy !req
175. If there's ever a caller you can't handle,Copy !req
176. - just press this button.Copy !req
177. That will hang up on them.Copy !req
178. Hola, Alamo beer.Copy !req
179. Mm. Mm-hm.Copy !req
180. "Vomitando."Copy !req
181. "Vomitando"?Copy !req
182. Sí, el "vomito."Copy !req
183. La "diarrhea," la "nausea."Copy !req
184. What in Carmen San Diego
is going on in Mexico?Copy !req
185. Yeah, man, you know,Copy !req
186. just like you said in my yearbook, man.Copy !req
187. We gonna be dang ol' friends
for life, man.Copy !req
188. Old "Good luck, good luck this summer."Copy !req
189. You said you'd dang ol'...Copy !req
190. All right, all right, I give.Copy !req
191. But you guys can't tell anyone.Copy !req
192. - You got it.
- No one to tell, man.Copy !req
193. They're temporarily diverting beerCopy !req
194. down to Mexico.Copy !req
195. Alamo will be back
on the shelves in five days.Copy !req
196. Five days.Copy !req
197. We can wait that long.Copy !req
198. Easy.Copy !req
199. Let's go to Mexico!Copy !req
200. - Yeah, man! Let's go, man.
- Yay!Copy !req
201. Shh!Copy !req
202. I got shotgun.Copy !req
203. - Yay!
- Let's go, man.Copy !req
204. Theresa, there is something
you should see here.Copy !req
205. Look. "Vomiting, diarrhea, nausea.Copy !req
206. Vomiting, diarrhea, nausea."Copy !req
207. All of these calls were from Mexicans.Copy !req
208. Now, their Spanish wasn't great,
but I was able to gatherCopy !req
209. that they got sick after drinking Alamo.Copy !req
210. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.Copy !req
211. That shows incredible initiative.Copy !req
212. Here, you've earned an Alamo "can-do" pin.Copy !req
213. Collect five of these,
and you get a mini-flashlight.Copy !req
214. A flashlight? Wow.Copy !req
215. I will think of you every time
something falls behind the couch.Copy !req
216. Oh, um, and about the vomiting...Copy !req
217. Right. It seems that a tiny bit of soapCopy !req
218. got into some of the machineryCopy !req
219. during the production run
we sent to Mexico.Copy !req
220. It's our fault for wanting to give peopleCopy !req
221. the cleanest beer they can buy.Copy !req
222. But rest assured,
no one is in any real danger.Copy !req
223. Oh, thank goodness.Copy !req
224. So, I can just tell
the callers that the soap...Copy !req
225. No!Copy !req
226. Our Corporate Affairs Department
is working 24/7Copy !req
227. to determine the best way
to handle the recall announcement.Copy !req
228. So, for the time being, shh.Copy !req
229. I don't mean to sound racist,Copy !req
230. but this is by far
the best selection of beansCopy !req
231. I have ever seen.Copy !req
232. - I'm serious.
- Ooh, tacos!Copy !req
233. - Can I buy one?
- No.Copy !req
234. How about some pig's feet?
They look clean.Copy !req
235. No. No food.Copy !req
236. You're going to get sickCopy !req
237. and this isn't some two-mile ride homeCopy !req
238. from a pie-eating contest.Copy !req
239. How about a banana?Copy !req
240. It comes in its own wrapper.Copy !req
241. Fine.Copy !req
242. Uh, por favor.Copy !req
243. Uh, cervezas Alamo?Copy !req
244. - Whoa.
- Wow.Copy !req
245. Yep.Copy !req
246. - Yep.
- Yep.Copy !req
247. One beer's not going to hurt my driving.Copy !req
248. Look how fat I am.Copy !req
249. Sorry, Bill.Copy !req
250. That's what you get
for having a mouthful of bananaCopy !req
251. when we all said "not it."Copy !req
252. Ugh. Dang those bananas.Copy !req
253. Step on it, Bill.Copy !req
254. I don't know which way it's coming out,
but it's coming out.Copy !req
255. Hurry up!Copy !req
256. Oh, God.Copy !req
257. Oh, man.Copy !req
258. Stage one complete.Copy !req
259. Finally.Copy !req
260. Yep.Copy !req
261. So, how was everyone's day?Copy !req
262. Pretty boring.Copy !req
263. Oh.Copy !req
264. You know, watched some, uh...Copy !req
265. - Oh, God.Copy !req
266. I had an interesting encounter
with a mosquito today.Copy !req
267. Wait, let me back up.Copy !req
268. It was lunchtime and...Copy !req
269. Then I said to the nurse,Copy !req
270. "No, I'm not sure it was a mosquito,Copy !req
271. but it was some sort of bug that bit meCopy !req
272. and now I itch."Copy !req
273. Long story short, calamine lotion.Copy !req
274. Hank, why aren't you eating?Copy !req
275. I'm savoring it and going to the bathroom.Copy !req
276. The two are not related.Copy !req
277. What are you doing?Copy !req
278. Just had to...Copy !req
279. comb.Copy !req
280. Honey, are you sick?Copy !req
281. Yeah. All right, I admit it.Copy !req
282. I got this...Copy !req
283. diarrhea and vomiting.Copy !req
284. Hank, if you can hear me
over your own noises,Copy !req
285. where did you go today?Copy !req
286. Went with the guys down to Mexico.Copy !req
287. You went to México?Copy !req
288. My beer!Copy !req
289. Peggy, have you lost your mind?Copy !req
290. Oh, so now I'm insane?Copy !req
291. You broke a promise to me.Copy !req
292. A promise you made in the bed
where I conceived our son.Copy !req
293. That is insane.Copy !req
294. Okay. I'm sorry I blabbed to the guys,Copy !req
295. but the beer is already here.Copy !req
296. There's no sense
in pouring it down the drainCopy !req
297. and back to Mexico.Copy !req
298. Hank, you cannot drink it.Copy !req
299. Why the hell not?Copy !req
300. I got diarrhea from Mexican bananasCopy !req
301. trying to get this Alamo.Copy !req
302. You're just punishing meCopy !req
303. because I told the guys
the beer was down there.Copy !req
304. It is not that.Copy !req
305. You are just going to have to trust meCopy !req
306. more than I can trust you.Copy !req
307. I wish I could say more, but I cannot.Copy !req
308. This tiny flashlight symbolizes
the huge amount of trustCopy !req
309. that Alamo has placed in me.Copy !req
310. My God.Copy !req
311. You care more about
your stupid confidentiality agreementCopy !req
312. than your own husband.Copy !req
313. And you care more about
your friends and your beerCopy !req
314. than you do about
my stupid confidentiality agreement!Copy !req
315. Besides, it's for your own good.Copy !req
316. For my own...Copy !req
317. What am I? Some kind of baby?Copy !req
318. Well, baby wants a beer.Copy !req
319. Fine, Hank. Drink up!Copy !req
320. Where does Peggy get off
being so mad at me?Copy !req
321. Yes, I broke her confidence
and lied about it, but she...Copy !req
322. Well, she...Copy !req
323. Uh, she's still keeping something from me.Copy !req
324. Exactly, Hank. She...Copy !req
325. Damn that filthy Mexican banana!Copy !req
326. Don't blame the bananas.Copy !req
327. I ate more than anyone, peels included,
and I didn't get sickCopy !req
328. until hours after you guys did.Copy !req
329. We had bananas and beer. We came home.Copy !req
330. What else could have made us sick?Copy !req
331. Oh, my God. The beer!Copy !req
332. And Peggy knew!Copy !req
333. - Hello, Peggy.Copy !req
334. Oh, hi, Hank.Copy !req
335. You remember that old
Alamo beer commercial?Copy !req
336. The one where the father
and son have a fightCopy !req
337. over who dented the carCopy !req
338. and then they make up over a cold Alamo?Copy !req
339. Well, Peggy, I dented your trust
and I want to make up.Copy !req
340. Well, that's okay, Hank.Copy !req
341. I forgive you.Copy !req
342. Please, after what I've done to you,
you deserve it.Copy !req
343. Unless there's a reason
you don't want to drink it.Copy !req
344. Heavens, no. I can't think...Copy !req
345. My wife lies to me.Copy !req
346. My beer company betrays me.Copy !req
347. Americans are giving Mexicans diarrhea.Copy !req
348. What the hell's going on here?Copy !req
349. This is just a stomach flu,
which you gave me.Copy !req
350. Thanks a lot, Hank.Copy !req
351. Where are you going? To put some laxative
in Bobby's Cocoa Puffs?Copy !req
352. I am off to work where I can vomitCopy !req
353. without being accused.Copy !req
354. What is going on
with the recall announcement?Copy !req
355. I have seen nothing about itCopy !req
356. in the beverage trade magazines
in the ladies room.Copy !req
357. It turns out, according to Mexican law,Copy !req
358. the market that sold tainted beer
could be held responsible.Copy !req
359. And if those markets are shut down,Copy !req
360. where will the people of Mexico
buy food for their children?Copy !req
361. Alamo is against child starvation, Peggy.Copy !req
362. We always have been. How about you?Copy !req
363. Well, of course, but I'm also
against people with diarrhea.Copy !req
364. Isn't there any way to warn them?Copy !req
365. Oh, Peggy, I know
what you're going through.Copy !req
366. That's why I married
someone in the company.Copy !req
367. A barley man.Copy !req
368. Hola, Alamo beer.Copy !req
369. Sí. Mm-hm.Copy !req
370. Sí, el vomito.Copy !req
371. Mm. Sí, sí, la diarrhea.Copy !req
372. Excuse me.Copy !req
373. I demand to see Mr. Meinhoffer IV!Copy !req
374. I'm sorry, sir,
but without an appointment...Copy !req
375. I know you're just trying to do your job,Copy !req
376. but there is no way you were trainedCopy !req
377. to deal with a customer
as dissatisfied as I am.Copy !req
378. I want to open the board meeting
tomorrow with a joke.Copy !req
379. Not to tie your hands,
but maybe something about a giraffe?Copy !req
380. Mr. Meinhoffer IV?Copy !req
381. I'm Hank Hill, Strickland Propane.Copy !req
382. For the last 20 years,
Alamo has been a part of my family,Copy !req
383. like a favorite uncle
who lives in the refrigerator.Copy !req
384. But you knowingly sold tainted beerCopy !req
385. to the good people of Mexico.Copy !req
386. That is not a crime, but it should be.Copy !req
387. Now, I would like an apology.Copy !req
388. Mr. Strickland, Alamo Beer
is not your uncle.Copy !req
389. We are not your family.Copy !req
390. We are a Delaware limited
liability corporation.Copy !req
391. And the beer we sell in MexicoCopy !req
392. is as pure as the beer we sell in America.Copy !req
393. What? He's lying.Copy !req
394. So, unless you are
one of our shareholders,Copy !req
395. we don't owe you anything,
especially an apology.Copy !req
396. We will not stand byCopy !req
397. while you libel our productCopy !req
398. with your baseless accusations.Copy !req
399. Now, I am not a litigious man.Copy !req
400. That's why I have lawyers.Copy !req
401. Are you threatening me?Copy !req
402. I don't threaten people.Copy !req
403. That's why I have security guards.Copy !req
404. You're kicking me out?Copy !req
405. Okay, fine.Copy !req
406. I'm kicking you out...Copy !req
407. of my refrigerator.Copy !req
408. Bobby, put down that tainted beer.Copy !req
409. I was hoping it would
not have to come to this,Copy !req
410. but it looks like
I have to take down the system.Copy !req
411. Paychecks coming through.Copy !req
412. Thank God, it's "Alamost" Friday, huh?Copy !req
413. Yeah.Copy !req
414. So, the freakin' giraffe orders a beer,Copy !req
415. and the bartender says,
"You want a long-neck?"Copy !req
416. And the giraffe goes, "I have a choice?"Copy !req
417. This beer is fresh off the line.Copy !req
418. We've already shipped it all over Texas.Copy !req
419. Oh, God!Copy !req
420. Hi, I'm Konrad Meinhoffer IV,Copy !req
421. CEO of Alamo Brewing Company.Copy !req
422. Kids, run along and play.Copy !req
423. Daddy needs to talk to his friends.Copy !req
424. It has come to my attention
that some of our fine productCopy !req
425. was well below Bavarian purity standards.Copy !req
426. And I let it get to you anyway.Copy !req
427. As of today, I'm ordering
a complete recall of all the Alamo beerCopy !req
428. in both Mexico and the United States.Copy !req
429. If we're lucky enough
to get your business back,Copy !req
430. it won't happen again.Copy !req
431. Because we're not just a company,
we're a family.Copy !req
432. And we're sorry.Copy !req
433. There.Copy !req
434. I don't understand why that was so hard.Copy !req
435. But why couldn't he just apologize
to my face?Copy !req
436. Well, sometimes when people
are confronted with their mistakes,Copy !req
437. they're too embarrassed
to admit they're wrong,Copy !req
438. especially proud people.Copy !req
439. Your successful businessmen,
your educators,Copy !req
440. your substitute educators.Copy !req
441. I'm sorry, Hank.Copy !req
442. No, Peggy, I'm sorry.Copy !req
443. Hey, look, there's Hops the dog.Copy !req
444. Actually, the real Hops
died five years ago.Copy !req
445. It's one of the company's secrets.Copy !req
446. Pass it on.Copy !req
447. Lemonade stands, little ol' tree house.Copy !req