1. I'm running behind
for my Booster Club meeting.
Copy !req
2. Now I'll probably have to sit
at the wobbly table.
Copy !req
3. Yello.
Copy !req
4. Well, Substitute Teacher
of the Year, Peggy Hill.
Copy !req
5. Go on.
Copy !req
6. The high school? Teaching? Me?
Copy !req
7. Wait, who is this really?
Copy !req
8. Really?
Copy !req
9. Today? Yes, of course.
Oh, no. Thank you.
Copy !req
10. Guess who is subbing for high school
geometry teacher Tammy Charbonneau...
Copy !req
11. while she takes an eight-week,
doctor-ordered, bed-rest, maternity leave?
Copy !req
12. - Me. Peggy Hill.
- That was going to be my guess exactly.
Copy !req
13. This is the major leagues, Hank.
The bigs, the show.
Copy !req
14. Oh, my God! Eight weeks.
Do you know what this means?
Copy !req
15. It means that I have a pretty good
chance of actually learning their names.
Copy !req
16. Everything's happening so fast.
Copy !req
17. It's beautiful, isn't it?
Copy !req
18. Tammy Charbonneau.
Copy !req
19. Peggy Hill.
Copy !req
20. Excuse me? Sefiora Miriam Caney?
Copy !req
21. Me llama Peggy Hill.
Copy !req
22. I have followed your career
with such interest.
Copy !req
23. Seventeen years teaching
high school Espafial...
Copy !req
24. you have never once gotten sick...
Copy !req
25. or if you have gotten sick,
you have never called in sick.
Copy !req
26. Either way, I am subbing geometry.
Copy !req
27. Well, bienvenida a Arlen High.
Copy !req
28. My, what lovely spectacles.
Copy !req
29. The better to see
promising new talent with.
Copy !req
30. Here you go.
Copy !req
31. Number 33, David
Kalaiki Alii, The Flying Hawaiian!
Copy !req
32. He says aloha to the end zone...
Copy !req
33. andaloha to the Temple Tigers.
Copy !req
34. It means both hello and goodbye.
Copy !req
35. My wife is Polynesian.
Copy !req
36. Arlen High is unstoppable!
Copy !req
37. First order of Booster Club business.
Copy !req
38. How's the programs coming
for next week's game? Terrel.
Copy !req
39. As you all know,
the money from the programs...
Copy !req
40. help pay for the cheerleaders' shoes.
Copy !req
41. Every business owner
here has taken out...
Copy !req
42. ad space in this week's program...
Copy !req
43. except Dale Gribble
of Dale's Dead-Bug.
Copy !req
44. My secretary messed up again?
She is so fired.
Copy !req
45. And the man walked
around the world and said to the king:
Copy !req
46. "Sir, I come from France.
Copy !req
47. "Sir-com e for-a nce."
Copy !req
48. You see?
Copy !req
49. - Hey, dude.
- And you must be David Kalaiki Alii.
Copy !req
50. Yup. I guess you might
have heard of me.
Copy !req
51. Hey. how's it going?
Copy !req
52. Yes. You are the person
who did not answer present...
Copy !req
53. when I took roll 28 minutes ago.
Copy !req
54. Okay.
Copy !req
55. I see from Miss Charbonneau's notes
that you all have some homework due.
Copy !req
56. So, I'll start with you, David.
Copy !req
57. I didn't do it.
I'll take a C or a B or whatever.
Copy !req
58. I am not going to tell you
how to do your job.
Copy !req
59. Peggy!
Copy !req
60. Hurry up and sit down
before the PE coaches get here.
Copy !req
61. It gets in your clothes.
Copy !req
62. - So, how's your day going?
- Glorious.
Copy !req
63. Although, can I ask you if you know
a student named David Kalaiki Alii?
Copy !req
64. The Flying Hawaiian.
He runs the 40 in 4.5.
Copy !req
65. Yes. Anyway...
Copy !req
66. I checked David's records
and he has a B-plus average overall.
Copy !req
67. But he seems to have trouble
applying himself in geometry.
Copy !req
68. Marlin Atwater,
Assistant Driver's Ed/Health.
Copy !req
69. Peggy, David is our star fullback.
Copy !req
70. He doesn't have a lot of time to
study, so we cut him some slack.
Copy !req
71. At Tom Landry Middle School,
we would never think of extending...
Copy !req
72. special privileges to the athletes.
Copy !req
73. Peggy, this isn't middle school,
this is real life.
Copy !req
74. We've got college football scouts
at our games...
Copy !req
75. and they're not coming to watch David
draw a triangle.
Copy !req
76. Don't worry, Peggy. David Kalaiki
Alii is un-teachable anyway.
Copy !req
77. Un-teachable?
Copy !req
78. I spent six weeks in Health trying
to get him to brush up and down.
Copy !req
79. He's like a wall.
Copy !req
80. And he continued to sleep peacefully.
It was pure chaos.
Copy !req
81. Well, how about that?
Copy !req
82. Your first day on campus and you
already met David Kalaiki Alii.
Copy !req
83. He's The Flying Hawaiian!
Copy !req
84. If I were two years younger...
Copy !req
85. Well, first, he is your age.
And second...
Copy !req
86. David is considered a special case.
They call him "un-teachable."
Copy !req
87. Well, he can't be good at everything.
Copy !req
88. You'd be surprised, Bobby.
Copy !req
89. He plays offense, defense,
and returns punts.
Copy !req
90. It looks like Luanne isn't the
only one with a crush on David.
Copy !req
91. But you know what?
He's just another student to me.
Copy !req
92. No different from the nerds
or the suck-ups.
Copy !req
93. And I have decided to give that boy
the high-school education he deserves.
Copy !req
94. So, it may only be a theory...
Copy !req
95. But it will, in fact,
be on next week's midterm.
Copy !req
96. Oh, wait. David.
Honey, can you spare a moment?
Copy !req
97. I wanted to talk to you
about your class work.
Copy !req
98. I have noticed that you
have a zero grade.
Copy !req
99. You have no homework points
and no participation points.
Copy !req
100. I would like to tutor you after class.
Copy !req
101. I have football practice after class.
Copy !req
102. How about geometry
practice after that...
Copy !req
103. with a play book by Coach Peggy Hill?
Copy !req
104. Okay.
Copy !req
105. And, David, I'm glad we got to rap.
Copy !req
106. - There you are!
- David.
Copy !req
107. David.
Copy !req
108. David!
Copy !req
109. David!
Copy !req
110. David!
Copy !req
111. David, you forgot your notes.
Copy !req
112. Hey, you know, you run fast.
Copy !req
113. Stop!
Copy !req
114. Okay. Please hand in your midterm.
Copy !req
115. David, I just want to say that
it has been a pleasure educating you.
Copy !req
116. I think I have learned just as much
from you as you have from me.
Copy !req
117. - Well.
- Okay.
Copy !req
118. Okay. Quarter inch to the left,
and eighth inch back to the right.
Copy !req
119. - No, an eighth.
- Hank! We just lost our star fullback.
Copy !req
120. - What? What happened?
- Peggy Hill happened.
Copy !req
121. "No pass, no play!" She flunked David.
Copy !req
122. Now he's out for three weeks
academic suspension.
Copy !req
123. Do you know what happens
in those three weeks?
Copy !req
124. San Marcos, Belton, McMaynerbury.
McMaynerbury, Hank!
Copy !req
125. Now, hold on.
I'm sure it was just an accident.
Copy !req
126. No, Hank. This is an accident.
Copy !req
127. Now you got two messes to clean up.
Copy !req
128. How could you flunk
The Flying Hawaiian?
Copy !req
129. Haven't you ever heard
of "no pass, no play"?
Copy !req
130. Do not try to pin all of this on me.
I only did the "no pass."
Copy !req
131. What happens after that
is none of my business.
Copy !req
132. I want you to change his grade.
Copy !req
133. If I were to give David a passing grade,
that would be a failure on my part.
Copy !req
134. And I am not failing.
I am doing A work.
Copy !req
135. This is crunch time.
We're going up against San Marcos...
Copy !req
136. Belton, and McMaynerbury.
McMaynerbury!
Copy !req
137. We need him to go to state.
Copy !req
138. I am sorry, Hank. But teaching high
school is my "going to state."
Copy !req
139. No offense, Peggy, but I don't see anybody
renting buses to go to your state.
Copy !req
140. Hey, guys. You know,
the strangest thing happened today.
Copy !req
141. A giant rat crawled into my inbox
and died.
Copy !req
142. - What happened to your frames?
- They suddenly went out of style.
Copy !req
143. This is about David, isn't it?
Copy !req
144. David did failing work.
He got a failing grade.
Copy !req
145. Of all people, I would expect
my fellow educators to support me.
Copy !req
146. You want to change the world,
go back to middle school.
Copy !req
147. It's too late here.
Copy !req
148. Anda third fumble
from senior Charlie Macken...
Copy !req
149. who was named Allen's
Scholar Athlete of the Year!
Copy !req
150. He's all yours, Princeton!
Copy !req
151. All right.
We can absorb this loss.
Copy !req
152. And it wasn't a conference game.
Copy !req
153. And we'll probably
squeak by next week...
Copy !req
154. because Belton's still reeling
from the drug bust!
Copy !req
155. And then it's McMaynerbury!
Copy !req
156. And there's not a single addict
on that mother-loving team!
Copy !req
157. Dickie, there's got to be something
in those law books of yours.
Copy !req
158. Look under "loophole."
Copy !req
159. What if we got him a work-study like I
had at the print shop my junior year?
Copy !req
160. Yeah. David drops Mrs. Hill's class, takes
a work-study at Terrell's print shop.
Copy !req
161. Hey, look, I got Billy
breathing down my neck as it is.
Copy !req
162. I don't need another punk in there
making me look bad.
Copy !req
163. I volunteer Strickland Propane
to jump through this little loophole.
Copy !req
164. Now, David can work for me till
the swallows get back from Capastrami.
Copy !req
165. Hank, can you slap together
a make-up mid-term?
Copy !req
166. I'll do it quickly,
but it won't be slapped together.
Copy !req
167. And the vaporization rate
of a 100-pound propane cylinder...
Copy !req
168. at 70 degrees Fahrenheit,
is how many BTU's per hour?
Copy !req
169. Can I have a chair?
Copy !req
170. - Propane 101?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
171. It's a work-study thing
approved by the Board of Education.
Copy !req
172. So, you and your waffle boys
did an end run around Peggy Hill.
Copy !req
173. Peggy, years from now no one will
remember what a hexagon is...
Copy !req
174. but you win state
and that goes up on the water tower.
Copy !req
175. - And how is David doing?
- David is doing great.
Copy !req
176. He knows more about propane
than any Hawaiian I've ever met.
Copy !req
177. He does? Oh, what was I thinking?
Copy !req
178. I am in over my head.
Copy !req
179. What made me think
that I could teach high school?
Copy !req
180. I so wanted to be like
Welcome Back, K otter.
Copy !req
181. Now I'm like the real Gabe Kaplan.
I am a loser.
Copy !req
182. Okay. The test is gonna be
one essay question...
Copy !req
183. open serviceman's manual.
Copy !req
184. Just tell me what you love most
about propane.
Copy !req
185. Nice hand-off.
Copy !req
186. Just like the one you did
three weeks ago in the game.
Copy !req
187. All right. Let's see what we got here.
Copy !req
188. Okay.
Copy !req
189. "Strickland Propane...
Copy !req
190. "does not have a vending machine.
Copy !req
191. "It smells, and I thank God every day
I get home...
Copy !req
192. "that I didn't get exploded. The end."
Copy !req
193. May God have mercy on me.
Copy !req
194. David passed, didn't he?
Copy !req
195. Oh, yeah. I guess he did pass.
Copy !req
196. I gave him an A.
Copy !req
197. So coupled with my F...
Copy !req
198. your A brings him
to a respectable passing C.
Copy !req
199. Well, good for you. Good for David.
Copy !req
200. Good for Arlen football.
Everybody's a winner.
Copy !req
201. Yeah. Though the principal
kind of threw out your F.
Copy !req
202. So right now he's on honor roll.
Copy !req
203. I just wanted you to
hear that from me.
Copy !req
204. All I'm saying is you have the
tendencies of a Capricorn.
Copy !req
205. - There's Hank!
- Hey!
Copy !req
206. For Hank's a jolly good fellow
For Hank's a jolly good fellow
Copy !req
207. For Hank's a jolly good fellow
Copy !req
208. Because we're going to state
Copy !req
209. Because he gave David
Kalaiki Alii an A.
Copy !req
210. - Because he gave—
- All right.
Copy !req
211. I will not have a respected educator
bend over for his own beer.
Copy !req
212. Make Peggy do it.
She's got to be good for something.
Copy !req
213. Now, that is not fair, Dale.
Peggy did the best she could.
Copy !req
214. Which was crappy.
Copy !req
215. So, I'm afraid I will have to take
an emergency medical leave.
Copy !req
216. Well, I have diagnosed myself
as having the early stages...
Copy !req
217. of single-digit carpal
tunnel syndrome.
Copy !req
218. Or as I call it, "chalk finger."
Copy !req
219. David failed that test.
His essay made me want to vomit.
Copy !req
220. Which I did. But I gave him that A
to get us to state.
Copy !req
221. Hank Hill, I am speechless.
I literally have nothing to say.
Copy !req
222. Not one word.
Copy !req
223. Nada.
Copy !req
224. Zilch.
Copy !req
225. Zero.
Copy !req
226. I don't know what you're waiting for.
Copy !req
227. All right!
Copy !req
228. Get this beautiful human being
some waffles.
Copy !req
229. Yeah! Way to go, Hank!
Copy !req
230. Get her out of here.
Copy !req
231. David Kalaiki Alii received an A...
Copy !req
232. on his propane exam.
Copy !req
233. All right!
Copy !req
234. But he deserved an F.
Copy !req
235. Long live, Hank!
Copy !req
236. Now, my wife Peggy... -.
Copy !req
237. Now, hold on.
Copy !req
238. Sure, a week ago
I would have been booing my wife...
Copy !req
239. - right along with you guys.
- You were, Hank.
Copy !req
240. Yeah.
Copy !req
241. But what I realized
is that she was right all along.
Copy !req
242. It's time to ground The Flying
Hawaiian. I'm giving him an F.
Copy !req
243. Too late. I already turned in
the sign-off sheet and the grade.
Copy !req
244. David is in!
Copy !req
245. Sir, did you read that essay?
Copy !req
246. It's a classic.
Copy !req
247. "I thank God every day
I didn't get exploded."
Copy !req
248. Gets to you.
Copy !req
249. Excuse me. But I cannot let you
ruin that boy's life.
Copy !req
250. I think that there might be people...
Copy !req
251. who would be interested in the fact that
David is being deprived of an education...
Copy !req
252. such as his mother, and
the school board...
Copy !req
253. and the secretary of education.
Copy !req
254. Whoa right there! Wait a minute.
Copy !req
255. Look. We don't want to go dragging
the boy's mother into this.
Copy !req
256. I'm sure we could work something out.
Copy !req
257. You may keep your creamy bribe.
We are going to his mother.
Copy !req
258. And we are gonna tell on you.
Copy !req
259. The Booster Club is cheating David
out of an education.
Copy !req
260. And what is worse,
David is cheating himself.
Copy !req
261. I'd like to show you something.
Copy !req
262. David is learning disabled.
Copy !req
263. He studies every day as soon as
he gets home from practice...
Copy !req
264. until he falls asleep every night.
Copy !req
265. I usually come in and find him
slumped over his desk...
Copy !req
266. using that play book you made him
as a pillow.
Copy !req
267. He's a good boy. He just has
trouble retaining anything.
Copy !req
268. He deserves an A for effort, though.
Copy !req
269. No wonder even I couldn't teach him.
Copy !req
270. Sports is all God gave David.
Copy !req
271. And it's the only way
he'll get to college.
Copy !req
272. Well, then...
Copy !req
273. we're sorry to have disturbed you,
Mrs. Kalaiki Alii.
Copy !req
274. And the Oscar goes to me!
Copy !req
275. Come on out, fellows.
Copy !req
276. We smoked them good.
Bought it hook, line, and sinker.
Copy !req
277. Thanks to you, Mrs. K.A.
Copy !req
278. Hey, what's all this crap?
Copy !req
279. Where's all my Swanks?
Copy !req
280. We kept you in the game, stud.
Copy !req
281. Hey. what's going on?
Copy !req
282. I know all my ABC's.
Copy !req
283. The Hills were gonna turn you in
for flunking.
Copy !req
284. - We told them you were a slowpoke.
- I'm not stupid.
Copy !req
285. I can't believe you did this.
Copy !req
286. It's so...
Copy !req
287. stupid.
Copy !req
288. David, stupid is going
to get you to college.
Copy !req
289. I'll tell you what's stupid.
Copy !req
290. Me giving you that Trans Am
if you ain't gonna drive us to state!
Copy !req
291. Hey, Miss Hill.
Copy !req
292. Oh, no, David. The pep rally
is down the hallway, honey.
Copy !req
293. Wait. Did you poop yourself?
Copy !req
294. I deserve that.
Copy !req
295. I guess if I'd worked harder...
Copy !req
296. you guys wouldn't be so willing
to believe I was learning-disabled.
Copy !req
297. You're not? But that
explained everything.
Copy !req
298. It was all a sham.
Copy !req
299. My mom and the Booster Club
cooked it up.
Copy !req
300. Wait. "Sham," that's
the right word, right?
Copy !req
301. Yes. But I would have said "scheme."
It conveys more sneakiness.
Copy !req
302. Yeah. Well, I've been thinking about
this "no pass, no play" stuff.
Copy !req
303. And if I don't pass,
then I should "no play."
Copy !req
304. Really?
Copy !req
305. I probably should have something
to fall back on, anyway.
Copy !req
306. I mean, the odds of me
not making pro are what, 50-50?
Copy !req
307. So, what do you say
you teach me geometry before the game?
Copy !req
308. I am so proud of you, David.
Copy !req
309. But I could not even teach Albert
Einstein all of geometry...
Copy !req
310. in an afternoon.
Copy !req
311. Even if it meant that Einstein's
team could go to state.
Copy !req
312. Wait.
Copy !req
313. Maybe there is something
you can learn in an afternoon.
Copy !req
314. So, you see,
propane is a liquid.
Copy !req
315. But it comes out as a gas.
Copy !req
316. What you need, David,
is a way of associating the lesson...
Copy !req
317. with something that's familiar to you.
Copy !req
318. For instance, okay,
Gatorade is a liquid...
Copy !req
319. but when you dump it on the coach,
it's a gas. Get it?
Copy !req
320. - I get that.
- Great!
Copy !req
321. Hey, but that's not right.
Copy !req
322. And if you want to remember the
chemical formula for propane C3H8...
Copy !req
323. maybe you could remember it
like an audible.
Copy !req
324. C! Three! H! Eight! Propane!
Copy !req
325. Propane! Hike!
Copy !req
326. You guys need a ride?
Copy !req
327. I'm gonna be smoking on that field!
Copy !req
328. But not near a propane tank
because propane is flammable.
Copy !req
329. And here he is, back
after a short educational hiatus...
Copy !req
330. The Flying Hawaiian,
David Kalaiki Alii!
Copy !req
331. Who's stupid now, huh? Not David.
Copy !req
332. Yup. Not David, Hank.
Not David at all.
Copy !req
333. I don't know
what you're waiting for.
Copy !req