1. You know what your classic car
needs to stand out at...
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2. the Classic Car Show?
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3. Me spread-eagled on your hood.
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4. Hauling ass, huh?
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5. Man, get your dang old thumbprints,
nicotine stain, too, man.
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6. This car looks like
it was made before 1980.
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7. Good eye, Bobby.
When did you become such a car nut?
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8. Wednesday.
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9. When I found out that
cars built before 1980...
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10. are responsible for
most of the pollution in the air.
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11. Sorry. I'm gonna have to
write you a ticket, Mr. Boomhauer.
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12. "You have been ticketed by
the environmental court.
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13. "Tom Landry Middle School."
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14. - What the...
- I know.
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15. You should appeal that
all the way to the high school.
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16. Joseph issued me one of those yesterday
for pouring used motor oil...
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17. down the kitchen sink. Fascist.
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18. A D-cell in the garbage. Oh, yes!
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19. Mom, I'm gonna have to
write you up for not taking this...
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20. to an approved
battery-recycling center.
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21. Two more tickets and I
get an A in history.
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22. Now, what the heck does
annoying your mom...
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23. and Boomhauer have to do with history?
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24. Mr. McKay says that history is past.
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25. But saving the Earth
is our present to the future.
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26. Bobby, I will have you know
that I consider myself to be...
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27. one of the great environmentalists
of my time.
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28. I have a plastic grocery bag
filled with plastic grocery bags...
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29. that I will bring back
to the grocery store one day.
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30. Sorry.
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31. Hank, those hoboes are
going through our garbage again.
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32. Accidentally throw away
one regulator valve...
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33. and now we're the talk
of the freight yards.
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34. - Here's a phone book.
- What the...
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35. - Bobby, shouldn't you be in school?
- I am in school.
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36. History with Mr. McKay.
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37. The pizza box is recyclable.
The crust is compostable.
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38. And the cheese...
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39. Don't get me started on the cheese.
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40. So you're the Mr. McKay
Bobby keeps talking about.
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41. I guess I pictured a woman.
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42. Bobby's told me a lot about you.
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43. And how you flush your urine
whether or not you've also left feces.
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44. What? You discussed this in school?
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45. Look, if you care so much
about the environment...
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46. why don't you teach
these kids about...
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47. clean-burning,
energy-efficient propane?
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48. Clean-burning propane. That's funny.
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49. You see, propane grills just perpetuate the
whole culture of backyard barbecues...
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50. plastic forks, paper plates, meat.
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51. I've sold three grills today
using those exact same words...
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52. but with a more positive attitude.
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53. Don't worry. I know where he lives.
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54. And there's a summons to appear in the
Middle School's environmental court.
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55. You can't just put something in
a mailbox without a stamp.
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56. That's a federal offense.
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57. Hank, it is no big deal. I was in
and out of court in five minutes.
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58. What? You actually went?
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59. I work at that school.
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60. I cannot afford to have
any blemishes on my record.
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61. Come on. Do it for Bobby.
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62. Hank, this could be his first A
since he was in the same math class...
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63. as that Bobby Hall and brought home
the wrong report card.
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64. So help me God.
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65. This isn't the Bible.
It's a Harry Potter book.
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66. We're not allowed to bring the Bible
to school.
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67. If it pleases the court,
I will show that my client or Dad...
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68. is not a bad man,
just an ignorant man.
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69. Here we go.
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70. Ignorance, no matter how profound
and pathetic, is not an excuse.
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71. Then I would like to change
my client's plea to guilty...
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72. by reason of insanity.
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73. What? I'm not insane.
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74. Your witness.
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75. I'm not a lawyer. I'm just a kid.
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76. But you, sir, disgust me.
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77. All right, that's it. I
do not plead guilty.
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78. We have a dumpster
at Strickland Propane.
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79. And we fill it with garbage.
That's what it's there for.
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80. This whole thing is ridiculous.
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81. I'll tell you what's ridiculous.
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82. The city council is considering putting
a new landfill in unincorporated Arlen.
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83. What's wrong with a new landfill?
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84. You gotta put the garbage somewhere.
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85. If we put garbage somewhere,
soon we'll be putting it everywhere.
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86. Anybody want to sleep on a bed of
yucky garbage and drink toxic waste?
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87. No!
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88. Come on.
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89. McMaynerbury used the money they got
burying Houston's garbage...
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90. to buy those new fire engines.
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91. Who likes fire engines?
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92. But, Dad, if they put this one in, it'll
jeopardize an endangered species:
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93. a lgestaxefolia.
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94. - Itchy algae.
- Itchy algae?
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95. It sounds like good riddance to me.
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96. Just because itchy
algae isn't cuddly...
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97. or "good for anything," it doesn't
mean we should destroy its habitat...
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98. by draining the quarry.
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99. The quarry?
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100. That's where they're
putting the landfill.
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101. I throw my insane client
on the mercy of the court.
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102. And after the weather, they did a story
about a squirrel that water-skis.
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103. And I went to bed happy.
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104. I just remembered that I left my
workbench in your basement, Dale.
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105. Three of us ought to
be able to carry it.
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106. - Yo, man.
- No.
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107. Bill, Dale and I can handle it.
Thanks, anyway.
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108. Let's go, Bill and Dale.
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109. Okay.
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110. I know we agreed never
to speak of this again.
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111. But they're gonna drain the quarry.
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112. But if they drain the quarry, Boomhauer
will find out what happened to—
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113. Sally!
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114. No.
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115. We agreed never to speak
of that day again.
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116. I remember.
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117. Believe me, I remember.
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118. Naw, I wish Boomhauefd let us
ride in his car.
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119. How can we be wild and crazy guys...
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120. if we're stuck standing around
all the time?
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121. - Hey, baby.
- Hello.
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122. Wait a second. Kid
Dy-no-mite has got it.
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123. Why don't we take Boomhauefls car
for a joyride?
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124. Joyride? That sounds fun.
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125. And you know what would be
even more fun?
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126. If after we drive it,
we fill it with gas...
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127. so the next time Boomhauer uses it
he's like, "How'd that happen?"
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128. Let's go to 31 Flavors
and ask for 31 samples.
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129. It's legal and there's nothing
they can do about it.
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130. Yeah!
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131. Zingq!
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132. I'll drive.
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133. You can't handle a stick.
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134. No!
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135. You're stripping
the gears, Dale!
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136. Dale, stop!
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137. The left brake's not working.
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138. That's the clutch.
Hit the other pedal.
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139. That was close, but I think I'm okay.
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140. Boomhauer thinks some Yankees
came down and stole the car.
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141. And he's gonna go to his grave
thinking that.
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142. Boomhauer's grave?
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143. Are you suggesting we kill Boomhauer?
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144. Well, you're the boss.
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145. We're not killing Boomhauer.
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146. Yeah, but when they drain that quarry,
they'll find his car...
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147. with our lettermen jackets right
inside and he'll want to kill us.
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148. He won't find out.
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149. Let's just say Councilman Fred Eber
owes me one.
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150. I voted for him.
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151. I'm leaning back towards killing him.
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152. So you can see, Councilman Eber, this
is a far more suitable location...
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153. for a landfill than the quarry.
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154. No, they're using that land to
build one of those new multiplexes.
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155. Looks like I'm gonna be
out of a job soon, Hank.
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156. What about that
gray patch of land over there?
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157. It looks pretty useless.
It would be perfect.
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158. That's the quarry.
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159. So, if you stop using newspapers,
I can give you...
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160. a coupon for $20 off
your first purchase of a windmill.
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161. I'm sorry I can't help you, Bobby.
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162. I don't use newspapers.
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163. You can cancel my subscription.
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164. I want to be part of the solution.
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165. I thought you said tree-huggers
like me and Mr. McKay...
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166. were a bunch of
noodle-brained communists.
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167. No.
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168. No, no, no.
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169. No.
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170. This is great!
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171. I'm gonna get extra credit
for bringing you all on board.
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172. We're gonna save itchy algae.
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173. Yeah. Itchy algae.
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174. Earth first! Make Mars our bitch.
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175. I thought we were just having
a few of your classmates over.
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176. Not a bunch of... Who
are these people?
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177. They're from Mr. McKay's yoga group.
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178. Principal Moss says our class
can't get grades for protesting.
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179. So all the other kids dropped out.
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180. But don't worry, Dad. I still care.
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181. I even wrote a slogan:
"Drain the quarry—"
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182. Dang it, Bobby.
That's exactly what we don't want.
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183. I'm not done.
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184. Drain the quarry, you'll be sorry.
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185. Now, that is good.
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186. This is the first time in my life I've gotten
you to change your mind about something.
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187. Which one of my arguments
did you love the most?
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188. You know, "Spaceship Earth,"
"We're all in this together"...
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189. you know, "Random acts of whatnot."
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190. Who wants some of Peggy Hill's
rainforest cookies?
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191. They are made with
sustainably-harvested Brazil nuts.
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192. All profits go to save the rainforest.
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193. Are those paper plates?
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194. Yes.
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195. Man, dang. It's starting to look like
Woodstock over here.
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196. Man, you talking about that old dang
Sha Na Na going in there, man.
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197. Boomhauer, we're just
saving an endangered species.
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198. Go away!
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199. - You know, itchy algae, that might—
- You heard him. Beat it.
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200. Man, fine.
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201. I'll go do my grocery shopping
my dang self, man.
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202. Drain the quarry,
you'll be sorry!
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203. Drain the quarry, you'll be sorry!
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204. Hank Hill, Strickland Propane.
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205. I am no stranger to city
council meetings...
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206. having supported your
anti-skateboarding initiative...
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207. as well as the neon-sign
wattage limits.
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208. But today I present these petitions...
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209. signed by 200 citizens
against the proposed landfill.
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210. Hank, I understand how you
and your fringe minority feel.
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211. But that quarry is a festering stink-hole
that the hoboes use as a giant toilet.
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212. We're better off without it.
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213. Let's turn trash into cash.
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214. Their slogan's better than our slogan.
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215. Let's put it to a vote. All in favor?
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216. Then it's settled.
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217. Draining of the quarry will begin
tomorrow at 9 a.m.
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218. Dad, what are we gonna do?
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219. Don't worry, Son. I'll
think of something.
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220. I've got it. We create
three new people:
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221. Hank Jones, Dale Smith
and Bill Manugian.
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222. When they find our lettermen jackets
in the car, those guys take the heat.
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223. Now, we're gonna need three dead guys.
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224. The Army might have some dead guys.
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225. Why couldn't it have been
me and Boomhauer...
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226. that did something
horrible to you guys?
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227. Because Boomhauefls a saint.
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228. Okay. I've got a plan that
might actually work.
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229. - Dale, we're gonna need your scuba gear.
- Why?
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230. Because they can't find Boomhauer's
car if it's not there.
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231. But it is there.
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232. Maybe we should use Dale's scuba gear
to pull the car out.
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233. Now, that's a plan, Hank.
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234. Piece of cake.
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235. I found her right between my old
lawnmower, and what I'm fairly certain...
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236. is a genuine Egyptian sarcophagus.
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237. - Okay, Bill. Crank her up.
- Yep.
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238. Damn it, Dale.
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239. Strange.
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240. Another frogman must have
switched the hook after I surfaced.
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241. But why?
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242. My God.
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243. Look at Boomhauefls car.
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244. At least it won't be too hard
to chop it up and bury it.
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245. Look. Our old lettermen's jackets.
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246. You can still see where Dale's says
"Towel Manager."
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247. - Dad.
- This is nice. Very nice.
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248. Now, you see what Hank
is doing, Darren?
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249. He's blocking the draining equipment
with a pile of debris.
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250. He's fighting garbage with garbage.
Good work, Hank.
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251. That's my dad!
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252. Yeah. Thanks.
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253. Okay, everybody. Let's go get
our chains and our bag lunches...
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254. and meet back at Hank's barricade.
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255. I should see if my dad wants the
peanut-butter-and-lentil sandwich...
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256. or the soy eggs and soy-sage.
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257. What are we gonna do, Hank?
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258. If there's a protest,
there will be cops.
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259. And if there are cops,
they'll try to pin it on me.
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260. And since I did it, they will succeed.
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261. Oh, my God!
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262. - You know he'll take us down with him.
- That does sound like me, Hank.
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263. Pull it together, guys.
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264. I haven't spent all this time acting
like an environmental nut-job...
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265. just so Boomhauer could find out
we dumped his car here.
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266. Mr. McKay, may I borrow
your cell phone, please?
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267. Yeah.
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268. This is unincorporated Arlen.
There might be roaming charges.
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269. I'll pay them.
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270. - Yo.
- Mr. Boomhauer, it's Bobby Hill.
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271. I found your car, Sally.
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272. Yeah, I think you want to get down
to the quarry as fast as you can.
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273. Man, I gotta run, man.
Need to move the ice cream truck, man.
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274. Kum ba yak, my Lord
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275. Kum ba yak!
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276. I can't hear you, Mr. Hill.
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277. You know, with all that
junk sitting here...
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278. the quarry already
looks like a landfill.
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279. Maybe I should straighten up a bit.
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280. Bill, Dale, help me
push that car into the bushes.
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281. Too late.
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282. Okay, everybody...
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283. link arms and form
a human chain of defiance.
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284. Hi.
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285. We have to get in here
to drain the quarry.
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286. Over our bloody and beaten bodies.
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287. I see. Well, this is a protest.
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288. Okay. I hadn't heard
anything about it.
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289. You know, new girl at the office.
Still breaking her in.
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290. Okay, so I guess I'll
go call the cops.
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291. Oh, no.
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292. Boomhauer, what are you doing here?
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293. I can't believe it's her, man.
Oh, God.
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294. I thought I wouldn't see you
till heaven, man.
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295. Oh, man. Closure, man.
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296. Boomhauer, there's
something you need to know.
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297. I'm sorry. It was a prank
that just got out of hand.
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298. Hank? Dang, man.
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299. Oh, my God. It was Hank?
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300. Boomhauer,
did you find any other jackets...
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301. which might prove
if Hank had any accomplices?
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302. No accomplices.
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303. Hank committed this tragedy all alone.
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304. How could you, Hank?
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305. Man, that dang old three-faced Hank.
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306. Thanks for the heads up, Bobby.
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307. You called Boomhauer on me? But why?
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308. You acted like an environmental
nut-job for a week?
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309. But why?
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310. Bobby, you got to believe me.
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311. I didn't mean for you to hear that.
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312. It's the cops. Wonderful!
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313. I've always wanted to get arrested
for my principles.
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314. Okay, everybody, dead weight!
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315. Please lie on your stomach
and spread your arms and legs.
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316. Me, too?
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317. But I'm not even getting
extra credit anymore.
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318. You heard me.
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319. This is crazy. You can't arrest him.
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320. He's just a misguided seventh-grader
trying to save some pond scum.
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321. I'm the one who did something wrong.
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322. I've always been against stealing cars
and lying to my son.
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323. Now I've done both.
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324. If anyone should be arrested, it's me.
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325. What do you say we go home, Bobby?
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326. Stop resisting. On your stomach.
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327. - All right, let's take him out of here.
- Let's go, pal.
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328. That's it, Dad. Dead weight!
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329. Boomhauer!
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330. Yo, man.
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331. That's just great. Hank was our lift.
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332. If you're taking Bobby,
can you take us, too?
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333. Man, I'll tell you what.
You dang well drove it here.
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334. What are you talking about?
You drive it back, man.
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335. Dang old traitor, man.
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336. What gave us away?
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337. Come on.
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338. You're flooding it.
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339. - Mr. Boomhauer, can I ask your advice?
- Yo.
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340. How long should we
stay angry at my dad?
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341. Well, you know, Bobby,
don't take for me, man.
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342. You know, life's too short, man.
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343. You don't want to hold no grudge, man.
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344. Talking about let old bygones
be bygones, man.
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345. Maybe two weeks, probably three.
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346. You know, Mr. Boomhauer...
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347. I can see why my dad
is always quoting you.
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348. Man, your daddy's quoting me?
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349. Goddang, man.
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350. Maybe just make it one week.
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351. No.
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