1. Someonefls got a birthday,
I wander who
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2. Someone's got a birthday, I wonder who
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3. What do you think of the car, Hank?
It's a convertible.
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4. Nothing says road trip
like a convertible.
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5. Except for a kite.
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6. I can't just leave work 10 minutes
early on a Friday afternoon.
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7. Come on, Hank.
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8. You promised if I couldn't
find a date for my birthday...
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9. you, Dale, and Boomhauer
would be my dates.
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10. No, I didn't.
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11. I said we'd all go to Austin
for the weekend.
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12. Let's go! Let's get there.
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13. I have a job as Assistant
Manager of Strickland Propane.
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14. My day begins at 9:00 and
ends at 5:00, not 4:50.
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15. Someonefls got a birthday,
I wander who
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16. Someone's got a birthday, I wonder who
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17. Someone's got a birthday, I wonder who
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18. Someone's got a birthday, I wonder who
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19. Someone's got a birthday
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20. Welcome to my end-of-semester party.
I never thought finals would be over.
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21. But by this time next
week, they will be.
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22. Little plastic swords instead
of toothpicks. Very British.
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23. This is the most delicious burger
that I have ever eaten.
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24. Thanks a lot, Mom.
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25. You've built it up so much, there's
no way that burger can be that—
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26. Delicious!
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27. You see? That's why you
don't fly a kite in a car.
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28. Who minds if I take off my shirt?
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29. - I do.
- Not me.
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30. Let's all switch shirts.
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31. Dale!
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32. Hank, if you're steering,
who's taking off your shirt?
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33. Luanne, you ran out of burgers
and I think I know why.
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34. They are delicious
and we ate them all.
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35. No problem. I'll just
grill up some more.
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36. Charcoal?
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37. Maybe no one's ever taken the time to
tell Dad how much better charcoal is.
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38. And no one ever will.
Now, strip off your clothes...
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39. put them in the washer
and throw in some fish sticks.
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40. Your father has got a nose
like a Doberman.
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41. I know this hotel.
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42. It's where Lenore and I
spent our honeymoon.
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43. That's the couch where I slept.
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44. Hello. I am Gribble
of the Gribble party.
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45. We requested four standard rooms
on your kosher floor.
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46. I'm sorry, sir.
We don't have a kosher floor.
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47. This is an outrage.
How do you intend to placate me?
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48. Would you knock it off, Dale?
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49. Wait till my pastor hears about this.
My God is a vengeful God.
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50. Sir, please,
we don't discriminate against...
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51. whatever you are.
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52. I'm sure there's some way
we can accommodate you.
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53. How about a suite on the club floor?
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54. - I'll see if one's available.
- I'll need four keys.
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55. Make that three keys.
I'll take the standard room.
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56. One key, one shampoo,
and no conditioner.
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57. Don't mind him.
He's with the schoolmarm convention.
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58. - Hank Hill.
- Please hold for Dale Gribble.
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59. Hank, we're making a fort
out of all our furniture.
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60. Come on up.
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61. Wouldn't you guys rather grab a bite?
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62. You know,
according to the hotel magazine...
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63. the lobby restaurant
makes the best fajitas in town.
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64. Not interested.
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65. Now, when your father asks us
what we did while he was gone...
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66. we can say we got new
tires for the car.
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67. - And it will be true.
- Mom.
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68. "Free with purchase
of 100-pound bag of charcoal."
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69. Hank, there you are.
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70. Hey, guys, wanna go hear Jerry Thomas
play piano at the Starlight Lounge?
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71. The gal at the front desk said
he was good.
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72. We just saw him. He is good.
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73. Come on, Hank...
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74. let's go moon the lobby
from the glass elevators.
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75. We are at this hotel as guests.
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76. My God, Hank.
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77. Can we ever have a
party you don't poop?
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78. You still owe me one from high school
when the whole team mooned Belton...
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79. and you just held up a sign saying,
"Good game."
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80. it was the single greatest time
I have ever had with my pants off.
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81. The vice principal gave you
a week's detention for that stunt.
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82. Nobody remembers the detention, Hank.
Everyone remembers the mooning.
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83. Except for you, because you
weren't part of it. Let's go!
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84. - Hey, wait for me.
- Hank, you made it!
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85. Mind if I butt in, birthday boy?
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86. Okay, let's go. Big
smile, lots of energy.
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87. Going Nil—
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88. And going down.
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89. Drop them in five, four...
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90. three, two and...
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91. Yeah! Shake your booty!
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92. I'm doing it. I'm a mooner.
I'm part of it.
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93. Which is why Meals On Wheels
is proud to honor...
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94. the former Governor of Texas,
the Honorable Ann Richards.
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95. I'm gonna kick your asses.
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96. Why is it always
about asses with you, Hank?
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97. - Security. Open up.
- The fort.
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98. All right, which one of you guys
mooned the Governor?
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99. Perhaps you are unaware
this is the club floor.
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100. I believe we have certain immunities.
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101. Sir, I officially resign my room,
effective immediately.
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102. No, Hank, I'm the one who mooned.
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103. - Bill.
- Let me take the fall for you, Hank.
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104. I don't have as far to drop.
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105. Governor Richards.
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106. Sgt. Barber William Fontaine
Delatur Dauterive, ma'am, sir.
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107. At ease, Sergeant.
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108. Why, may I ask, did you moon me?
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109. Why, I wasn't mooning
anything in particular, you know.
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110. It's my birthday and you were just a
civilian caught in the crossfire.
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111. I'll tell you a little secret, Bill.
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112. I had a teacher once
that served during World War ll...
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113. and he mooned Eleanor Roosevelt.
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114. - No!
- Yeah.
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115. He had the opportunity and he took it.
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116. I wouldn't be surprised...
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117. to find out charcoal is better
to heat your house with, too.
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118. - Hello?
- Hi, it's me.
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119. Something's come up
that I'm not very proud of.
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120. And, well, we're being kicked out
of the hotel...
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121. so I'll be back a little
earlier than planned.
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122. Okay, I cannot wait to see you.
I love you.
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123. He is on his way.
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124. Oh, Bill, we were
worried sick about you.
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125. Don't worry about Bill.
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126. I commuted his sentence
to dinner for two.
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127. Oh, my God, Governor Richards.
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128. Governor Richards. It's been a while.
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129. You may not remember me,
but I've seen you on TV.
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130. Okay, let's clear the air.
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131. What I did to the Governor...
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132. with my bottom was wrong.
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133. I hope you can forgive me.
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134. Of course I forgive you, honey.
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135. As I know that you would forgive me...
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136. if I ever lost my head
and did something crazy.
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137. I mean, not crazy like
kill you with an ax...
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138. but, you know, like a
little smaller crazy.
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139. Bobby, what are you
doing to that steak?
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140. It's a little bland.
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141. I cooked it the way I always cook it.
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142. I know.
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143. Yup.
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144. Yep.
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145. See you at 7:00. Hope you can
dance as good as you bowl.
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146. Yup.
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147. What the hell is going on?
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148. What? Is it so weird
that I'm dating the Governor?
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149. A little bit, maybe.
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150. Did you get up her shirt?
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151. No, I should say not.
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152. Well, she's taking me to a fancy ball.
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153. I should probably shower.
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154. Well, it's nuts,
but she does have him showering.
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155. Man, that Phil Gramm
sure is a horse's ass.
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156. He's the tackiest man
in the United States Senate.
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157. He's a senator, is he?
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158. I just asked him for a glass of wine.
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159. Bill, you've made my evening.
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160. - Come on, let's get some air.
- All right.
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161. I christen thee the
SS Fontaine Dela fur Dauterive.
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162. Ann, you're the best thing to happen
to my life since Lenore ruined it.
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163. - Your ex-wife?
- Yeah.
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164. I used to have kind
of a taste for trash.
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165. But these days it's all prime rib...
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166. and filet mignon and tenderloin.
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167. Are you talking about dinner,
or are you talking about me?
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168. Mostly you.
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169. - Your boat! I'll get it.
- That's okay.
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170. I just stepped on a coin.
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171. So I said:
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172. "Ross, just because
you own the building...
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173. "doesn't mean you own the salad bar.
Get in line."
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174. You guys like baseball?
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175. If you're trying to smoke out
the communist, relax.
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176. We're all cool.
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177. No, I just thought you might like
to join me at a Rangers game.
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178. - I can go to the owner's box now.
- She's a keeper.
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179. You brought charcoal into our house.
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180. I didn't know what it was.
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181. Luanne asked me to hold it for her.
I thought it was drugs.
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182. There's soot under my boy's nails.
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183. You don't get that
from a clean-burning fuel.
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184. You don't get the rich
smoky flavor either.
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185. Shut your mouth.
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186. Now, we're gonna sit here and pray.
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187. Ann Richards. So glad to meet you.
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188. Bill Dauterive, Ann's date.
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189. Ann Richards. So glad to meet you.
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190. Bill Dauterive, Ann's date.
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191. Ann Richards. So glad to meet you.
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192. - Hi, Bill.
- Lenore.
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193. Come on, Billy. Wake
up, snap out of it.
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194. I thought I saw a ghost
or a horrible hobgoblin, or—
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195. How you doing, baby?
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196. - Surprised?
- Lenore.
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197. As in your ex-wife?
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198. Excuse me. Lenore, Governor Richards.
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199. Governor Richards, Lenore.
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200. Well, I should probably go vomit.
Back in a jiff.
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201. What are you doing here?
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202. I think the question is,
why did I ever leave?
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203. You said it was because I was fat
and bald, and I got too jealous...
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204. - whenever you had a date.
- Oh, Billy Goat.
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205. I'm the one who should
be jealous of you.
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206. Showing up in the society pages
with the Governor on your arm?
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207. You looked pretty cute
in your penguin suit.
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208. Reminded me of our homecoming court.
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209. You were king, and that stuck-up
Filipino girl was queen...
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210. - and I stole you away.
- Yeah, I remember.
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211. - To the boiler room.
- Yeah, I remember.
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212. You call me at the Hotel Arlen.
I'm in the handicapped room.
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213. It's bigger.
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214. Lenore swung by my place last night.
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215. I told you she'd come back.
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216. 'Course, that was seven years ago...
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217. and I was just trying
to make you feel better.
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218. - And now I do.
- Dang it, Bill.
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219. Lenore showed up
because you're on top of the world...
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220. with the former Governor of Texas.
Ask yourself this:
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221. Where was she when you couldn't stop
eating out of that garbage can?
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222. I'll tell you where.
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223. She was having corn on the cob
with that UPS guy.
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224. What's his name? Mike.
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225. I'm a grown man. Older, but wiser.
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226. And Lenore is older, but still pretty.
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227. True, Lenore is 10 times hotter
than Ann Richards...
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228. and Ann Richards is hot.
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229. Governor,
can I ask you a personal question?
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230. - Sure.
- What do you think of charcoal?
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231. It's pure evil, right?
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232. Hank, I may be a politician,
but I'm not afraid to speak my mind.
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233. Now, if you'll excuse me.
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234. I think I'm gonna take
my seventh-inning stretch early...
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235. maybe pick up a couple of Ranger Dogs.
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236. I'll keep you company.
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237. Can't a man get his own Ranger Dog?
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238. Down, in front.
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239. I miss you, too.
What are you wearing?
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240. That's a lot of clothes.
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241. Okay, then, General.
I'm glad you enjoyed your haircut.
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242. Yes, sir. Talk to you later.
I love you.
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243. Bill, if you wanted to call Lenore,
why didn't you just tell me?
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244. I'm sorry.
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245. I just haven't had much practice
juggling women.
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246. You're not the kind of woman...
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247. who'd let me juggle her
with someone else, are you?
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248. It's over between us.
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249. We had fun, didn't we,
Governor Richards?
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250. From the first minute...
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251. when your friend mooned me
in that elevator.
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252. - You knew the whole time?
- You took the fall for a friend...
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253. and I find that a whole lot more
attractive than Hank's bony ass.
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254. Oh, my God! Bill's birthday party.
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255. Winterfresh me.
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256. Close your eyes, I'll do your hair.
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257. Hey, Peggy, just in time for a burger.
What'll it be?
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258. Charcoal or propane?
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259. Propane. It's always been propane.
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260. C3H8.
Clean-burning, economical propane—
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261. Peggy, enough.
I'm not gonna force propane on you.
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262. That's an insult to
propane and to you.
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263. I want you to choose,
Peggy, right now.
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264. Which is better? Charcoal or me?
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265. Well?
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266. It is no contest.
The propane burger is much better.
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267. I'll just drive this down to the dump
right now.
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268. You lied, Mom.
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269. No, Bobby, I came to my senses.
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270. All of them. Except for taste.
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271. Lenore, you came!
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272. I wouldn't miss this for the world.
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273. - So, whose birthday is it?
- Mine.
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274. I'm sorry, baby. I
didn't get you anything.
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275. Oh, no, that's okay.
Your presence is my present.
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276. And I can't wait
to take you home and unwrap you...
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277. and then have sex.
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278. Won't your girlfriend mind?
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279. I don't know. I'll ask her.
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280. - Do you mind?
- What?
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281. I dumped Ann Richards for you!
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282. I'm dating a man
who dumped Ann Richards.
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283. That's like me dumping Ann Richards.
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284. Why, Nancy Hicks Gribble,
I haven't seen you in ages.
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285. Did you hear that
Bill dumped Ann Richards for me?
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286. Lenore, you know, I've been thinking.
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287. I never really got around
to signing those divorce papers.
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288. Oh, that's okay. I
forged your signature.
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289. "William" in script...
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290. "Dauterive" in block letters,
just like you do.
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291. You know me so well.
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292. I know your mother's maiden name,
your Social Security number...
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293. what foods will kill you.
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294. If I didn't care so much about you,
I could ruin your life.
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295. Lenore, will you marry me?
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296. Bill, it wouldn't work out.
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297. You live in Arlen. I live in...
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298. Well, I probably shouldn't tell you
where I live.
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299. - Ann, I forgot to dis-invite you.
- Bill, I can't stay.
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300. I've got to give the keynote
at a Hells Angels rally.
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301. I just came by
to wish you a happy birthday.
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302. No. You remembered.
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303. Bill asked me to marry him.
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304. But you said... You wouldn't
even tell me where you live.
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305. Bill, stop wasting the Governor's time
with your nonsense.
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306. I'm going to show Ann back to her car.
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307. I know the way back to my car.
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308. But my driver can't seem to find
the on-ramp for 35 South.
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309. I'll give you the short way.
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310. Take Raney all the way
until it dead-ends at the field...
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311. then you lift the chain, go about
60 yards and that'll be the 35.
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312. What are you doing
in that woman's limo?
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313. Get out here right now
and ask me to marry you, Bill.
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314. When somebody's serving up humble pie,
why do you keep going back for seconds?
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315. William Fontaine
Delatur Dauterive.
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316. Ann, would you excuse me for a moment?
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317. And while you're at
it, blow her a kiss!
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318. - Does that mean we've still got a chance?
- No.
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319. But it does mean you've
still got a chance.
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320. - Now, can I give you a ride?
- I live right there.
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321. Driver.
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322. I'm doing it. I'm a manner.
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