King of the Hill 2x14

Directed by Wes Archer

Kerri Strug as Self (voice) • Jennifer Jason Leigh as Amy (voice) • Joanna Gleason as Maddy Platter (voice) • Mark Humphrey as (voice) • Alex Dent as (voice)

On Valentine's Day, Peggy finds out that Hank lied to her when they were dating: he told her he was at home one week with a football injury, when he actually got mono from kissing another girl. She sets out to uncover the whole truth, and finds herself face to face with the past.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. No time to eat.

2. so I can mail it by tomorrow.

3. It's loaded with vitamin a.

4. Shh.

5. "Love, Bobby"?

6. "Hey, hot stuff"?

7. You should see him skateboard.

8. And something' like that

9. Now, here's a candy for Joseph.

10. It says, "hey, you're ok."

11. All right, I can use that.

12. Who's your Valentine, luanne?

13. Me.

14. that's the greatest love of all.

15. Isn't that right, aunt Peggy?

16. Um, no.

17. we were meant to be together?

18. I'm listenin'.

19. Ok.

20. My school, west arlen,

21. Miss platter, hello.

22. Well, hello to you, Mr. Hill.

23. Take it easy on our girls, ok?

24. I certainly will not.

25. Heh.

26. Oh.

27. So...

28. So, you... Uh...

29. Yeah, I could...

30. All right.

31. Hon, this is so cute.

32. Cherry pie?

33. Mom, would you stop it?

34. it is all over.

35. Cook, darn you

36. Why me?

37. Phone call for you, dear.

38. Your eyebrows look very nice.

39. Hello?

40. Hi, Peggy, I'm really sorry,

41. You can't?

42. Ah, don't cry, Peggy.

43. uh, but I'm not ok.

44. Uh-huh.

45. I made beef Wellington

46. really?

47. Is that steak?

48. Yes, sir.

49. And I made a cherry pie.

50. And a blueberry pie.

51. Oh, it's hot.

52. Mmm.

53. So tasty.

54. Cream of beef Wellington.

55. Mmm, my favorite.

56. Uh-huh.

57. I dabbed it with a napkin.

58. Uh-huh.

59. Heh-heh.

60. I'm just a big, clumsy guy.

61. we were engaged to be engaged.

62. And then I would've been forced

63. to not marry this little gal.

64. Wow!

65. Huh?

66. Oh.

67. Oh, guess what else.

68. The old high school, huh?

69. uh, 2 months ago.

70. Yep, 2 months.

71. Whoah.

72. I know.

73. Hey!

74. It could be kerri strug!

75. "Code 12: Tardiness.

76. You don't see that much.

77. Oh, this takes me back.

78. Did you know she was a code 42?

79. Becky, we are not paid to snoop.

80. All right, then.

81. Give me that freakin' file

82. it's one of our favorite stories.

83. So he had mono.

84. It was 20 years ago.

85. Mono?

86. The "kissing disease"?

87. oh!

88. Curiosity killed the cat, Dale.

89. Hello, my husband.

90. Uh-huh.

91. Oh, yeah, yeah,

92. you had mono those 2 weeks.

93. How did you get mono, Hank?

94. Uh, well,

95. It was the '70s, you know.

96. That's funny.

97. if you know what I mean.

98. Oh.

99. Well, I wasn't aware of that.

100. For a moment there, I thought...

101. Well, never mind what I thought.

102. No, she's not.

103. Unless you let somethin' slip.

104. I don't let things slip, Hank.

105. I place information.

106. so they're kinda special.

107. You know what's funny?

108. Now you get this Valentine.

109. It's probably from kerri strug.

110. Why do you think she's so great?

111. Let's see her play violin.

112. She had a broken leg and...

113. And she just kept goin'.

114. I think Connie likes you.

115. Oh, I know it seems silly.

116. Who?

117. That's it, Peggy.

118. You just take that lie

119. I found out where she works.

120. The truth is like sunlight

121. What do you want to get her?

122. Something romantic and frilly.

123. Yeah.

124. Oh, man!

125. Care to try a saus-trich?

126. Oh, no.

127. Is she here? I don't see her.

128. Well, maybe just this once.

129. Care to try a saus-trich?

130. No, thank you.

131. It is called the truth.

132. yes, I assumed that.

133. Let me put this another way.

134. in February about 20 years ago.

135. Does that ring a bell?

136. Who are you?

137. I am a lot of things.

138. I am a mother, I am a teacher,

139. They call me Peggy hill.

140. It could've been anybody.

141. Oh, no! Can somebody help me?

142. I just feel so helpless,

143. Yeah, but no.

144. Come here.

145. Stop.

146. Don't... stop.

147. So sweet. Mmm.

148. Oh. Oh.

149. So that's the story.

150. You have really eased my mind.

151. Peggy, it was over 20 years ago.

152. No, no, sir!

153. Ok, it's true. I did lie.

154. Uh-huh

155. I had no defense.

156. What?

157. Of course, I did not.

158. But now you know how it feels.

159. So we're even?

160. Oh, no, we are not

161. I can even forgive the lyin'.

162. Hank, in my opinion,

163. But now, now we have no story.

164. So here's the plan.

165. you say hello.

166. or leotard.

167. Oh, you're so lucky

168. that somebody loves you, Bobby.

169. Oh, luanne,

170. have you heard a word I said?

171. huh.

172. Whatever.

173. Love you.

174. Right.

175. Oh.

176. Ow!

177. I don't know.

178. I used up all my good material

179. .like lethal weapon

180. and they chased it around

181. Lovin'.

182. Ok.

183. That gives me an idea.

184. because it was the wrong color.

185. Huh.

186. Guess who?

187. My eyes... my eyes are burnin'.

188. Oh.

189. Oh, ooh!

190. What the hey?

191. It's a little pig in the house.

192. it'll be romantic.

193. Come on, it's pig-chasing.

194. And all you have is a pig.

195. And right now,

196. But, Peggy...

197. Ah, ah! Ugh!

198. My back.

199. Congratulations, Hank.

200. How should I know?

201. or if her leg is fully healed.

202. Where should we hide?

203. In the closet.

204. I thought she'd be here.

205. Grandma?

206. Happy Valentine's day, boo-boo!

207. No!

208. Your grandmother loves you

209. of unromantic, childish stunts.

210. Oh, shug.

211. out of one of my pumps.

212. That one?

213. It is our song.

214. Uh-huh.

215. just like in high school.

216. Nancy,

217. could I...

218. Hello.

219. Oh.

220. that your dinner is ready.

221. beef Wellington.

222. Beef Wellington, huh?

223. How'd it turn out this time?

224. That's right.

225. And I baked you a cherry pie

226. with a golden-brown crust.

227. Mmm-hmm.

228. Mother, be careful.

229. Come on, Bobby.

230. Mother, do not lift the pig.

231. Keep the pig on the ground.

232. I have to get this Valentine done,

233. Well, at least eat the butter, Bobby.

234. What's this, Bobby? Have a girlfriend? Ha.

235. "Happy Valentine's day, Joseph."

236. Bobby, you can't give this to Joseph.

237. Why not? He is hot stuff.

238. Bobby, if you give a Valentine to a 6th-grade boy,

239. girls are gonna think you're sensitive.

240. can follow you the rest o' your life.

241. And we'll just put this card over here for now.

242. Since Buckley said he's gonna forget Valentine's day again,

243. I finally made myself realize that to love yourself,

244. Um, no. That's not really true at all, in fact.

245. Love between 2 people is the greatest thing that there is.

246. At least, that's true of uncle Hank and I.

247. Would you like to hear the story of how we first realized

248. Well, our first Valentine's day, we weren't even in the same room.

249. But I have to say, it may have been our most romantic.

250. was playing Hank's school, arlen high.

251. Hank and I had been dating about 6 months

252. and things were really heating up.

253. You know, um, Valentine's is comin' up.

254. Yeah. One of the girls had mentioned that on the bus ride.

255. Yeah, um, some of the other guys,

256. you know, their girlfriends are making 'em dinner.

257. That's a great idea. I could make you dinner.

258. All right. I'll see you later

259. Your first big meal. It must...

260. Peggy, you are not trying to make...

261. That's right. Beef Wellington.

262. why not just build him a rocket ship?

263. But, Peggy, if Hank discovers you cannot even bake,

264. ? You think I can't see that do not say "can't."

265. You will not use contractions in this house.

266. but I pulled some tendons in my back,

267. and I can't come over for dinner.

268. I'm sorry I ruined your Valentine's day.

269. You didn't. I mean, I'm just so glad you're ok

270. I bet I'm missin' a great dinner, huh?

271. Wow, Peggy, I love both those pies!

272. Hey, hold one of them up to the phone so I can smell it.

273. I'm holding one up to the phone right now.

274. Oh, yeah. I'm just imaginin' eatin' it.

275. And the soup I made is good, too.

276. Oh, you dropped a little on your chin.

277. 2 weeks later, when his back healed,

278. You know, if I hadn't hurt my back that day,

279. I would've known she couldn't cook.

280. So, I guess what they say is true,

281. there is somebody out there for everybody.

282. No, I don't think that follows at all, luanne.

283. Nope, not for everybody. Uh-uh.

284. I'm gonna see that old school today.

285. I'm subbin' for the record keeper.

286. the season ended, I guess, almost,

287. Got a package for you, Bobby

288. "happy Valentine's day. Love, your secret admirer.

289. P.s. Expect me Valentine's night"?

290. At least, I hope it's kerri strug.

291. "Code 16: Not following directions.

292. Rhonda culpepper. I went to school with her.

293. Hey, I think we know this character.

294. "Hank hill, permanent record file 5402."

295. "where have all the flowers gone?"

296. Yep. Hank hurt his back that week

297. Oh, Peggy, you don't have to lie to me.

298. Becky, I never had mono in my entire life

299. Hey, Hank, did you ever wonder what it'd be like

300. to drink beer standin' over there?

301. You know, like, when you hurt your back

302. and you were out for a few weeks?

303. I took a pretty big hit, I tell you what! Heh, heh.

304. You know, a funny thing happened today.

305. You know, on the way out of the building,

306. I stopped by the school nurse's office.

307. She's on the trail. She's gonna find out.

308. It's just that these came from my secret admirer,

309. So she does gymnastics. So what?

310. Besides, she's in her 30s. They don't tell you that.

311. You're missing the point, Connie.

312. Well, see, once one girl likes you,

313. it's like havin' a ring on your finger.

314. Oh, hon, you just can't get it out of your head, can you?

315. I don't... I just, I... I'm afraid I can't.

316. Well, neither could I. I already did the search.

317. Unless a girl named Amy edlin was on the team.

318. This... this girl could have been drinking a soda,

319. and... and she set it down next to a football player,

320. and wrap it around yourself like a warm blanket.

321. Well, I don't know it's a lie, yet.

322. I looked up Amy edlin in the phone book,

323. You are making a big mistake, shug.

324. people used to think it was good for you.

325. Like the wife of a magician would wear.

326. It's compulsory that you be my Valentine.

327. Hello. Ahh!

328. Wife won't forgive me if I spoil my dinner.

329. What I'm here for does not fit on a toothpick,

330. and it certainly is not made of ostrich meat.

331. All right. There is some Turkey in it

332. I want to talk about what, if anything,

333. happened between you and a boy named Hank hill

334. and I am a wife with some questions

335. that desperately need to be answered.

336. . and my boyfriend had just broken up with me

337. I guess I just had something to prove.

338. My bells are caught in my bike chain.

339. Don't struggle, you'll only make it worse.

340. . ever since my boyfriend..

341. Was killed in the jungles of Vietnam.

342. Oh, darn! I'm so sorry about your loss.

343. You're very brave to bicycle in the state you're in.

344. Thank you. You've helped me so much.

345. What? No, no, I have a girlfriend.

346. Is she here? I don't see her.

347. Here. This coupon won't take away the pain,

348. Well, thank you for telling me the truth about my husband.

349. It was just yesterday that we told luanne

350. And that means you have been lying every single day since high school.

351. That is thousands and thousands of lies.

352. oh, it feels great to get that off my chest.

353. Back off, mister. I do not feel close to you

354. Peggy, you got to understand. I was 17-years-old.

355. Then, why didn't you just tell me?

356. I would have forgiven you, Hank

357. Hank, I could forgive the kissing.

358. But there's one thing I cannot forgive.

359. it was the 2nd greatest story ever told.

360. You break it, you buy it. That's pink & white for you.

361. When my secret admirer comes to the door,

362. Offer her a drink. Compliment her dress

363. Right now, I'd give anything just to have someone say,

364. "happy Valentine's day, luanne."

365. Morning, Peggy. What did you do to your hair?

366. Nothin'. That's exactly it. Nothin'

367. Bye, mom. I'm off to school.

368. Bye, sweetie. I love you, baby.

369. Uh, I guess I'll be leaving, too, hon.

370. Hey, I didn't know peggy's brother was in town.

371. There's so many little things that women do

372. that you just sort of take for granted.

373. Now peggy's stopped doin' all of them.

374. It's like she's just some mopey gal

375. with big feet who lives in my house.

376. Toss a little woo at her, see what sticks.

377. winning Peggy over the first time.

378. Maybe you can steal somethin' from a movie

379. man, those two guy s loved each other.

380. Yeah, I'll tell you something I saw in a movie one time.

381. See, this pig got loose in this couple's house,

382. until they fell on top of each other,

383. and they were laughin' and gigglin' and...

384. Peggy, come out here a minute, would you?

385. Now you may pass unsoiled, mademoiselle.

386. Isn't that the jacket that I made for you?

387. You said that gangs stole that jacket

388. and I would live off the interest, Hank.

389. Oh, you have gasoline on your hands

390. yeah, I was cleaning tar off the driveway.

391. hey, where are you goin'? It's fun.

392. Oh, this is crazy. It's fun like in that movie.

393. Mom, dad, there's a pig in the house.

394. Oh, Peggy, I'm tryin' to be romantic here.

395. I just wanted to make things right again

396. for that, you would need a time machine.

397. You can't just make up a romantic story for us.

398. The great ones just happen naturally.

399. You just ruined one of my favorite movies.

400. When's your date going to get here?

401. I don't even know for sure who she is,

402. And don't play with the dry-cleaning bag, you could suffocate.

403. Hey, where's Connie? She'd want to see this

404. Bobby, your secret admirer is here.

405. you cannot believe what Hank has put me through.

406. I... I have never seen a more pathetic series

407. They just don't get it typical. Flowers.

408. Then, he actually drank a whole bottle of champagne

409. My charcoal pads filtered out most of the alcohol,

410. but he still got tipsy enough to sing a Chuck Mangione song.

411. Then he lets a rented pig go in my house

412. and he tries to get me to chase it.

413. Just like in that famous movie, right?

414. You know, you could write that story down,

415. . put Fabio on the cover and sell it at the airport

416. that is one of the sweetest stories.

417. Hello, Mr. Hill. This is miss platter.

418. Well, good evenin' , miss platter.

419. Uh, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?

420. Well, I'm calling to let you know

421. And, uh, what did you make for dinner?

422. Well, I thought about it and decided to make you

423. Well, I'd have to say it's pretty perfect.

424. Of course it is, that's your specialty.

425. Boy! I tell you what, Peggy. That's my favorite.

426. That woman in that movie was 30 years younger than you.

427. Stay outta here! This is my room, you pig!

428. A pig in the house It's crazy. It's fun.

429. Am I supposed to kill this pig?

430. Yeah, I was thinkin', maybe you could be makin' me dinner.

431. He is my boyfriend, it is my dinner, I will cook it.

432. Oh, no, you got a little on your earlobe. I'll get it.

433. Boy! I haven't been there since, what

434. Who could it be? The only girl you ever talk to is Connie.

435. Code 40: Following directions too closely."

436. No. I just thought she'd gotten fat for a semester.

437. "4th grade, kicked out of chorus for refusing to sing

438. "9th grade, told debate team to quote, 'shut the hell up.'"

439. "12th grade, absent for 2 weeks, starting on Valentine's day."

440. You two must have been very busy that Valentine's day.

441. I was just thinkin' about some of your high-school football days.

442. Well, good. That's a good thing to be thinkin' about.

443. I took a look in your permanent record and it says,

444. I happened to share a soda with a guy on the team one day.

445. She did not mention that you could get mono that way.

446. Well, I wouldn't put too much stock in what that woman said,

447. Normally I'd share these chocolates with you all.

448. We were talking about Kerri Strug, like, 2 days ago, remember?

449. Beck, when you were entering the records for Hank's senior class,

450. did you notice anyone else on the football team with mono?

451. There weren't any other football players with mono.

452. So the whore "played well with others," did she?

453. and Hank assumed it belonged to said player and...

454. and by posing as a college-bound telemarketer,

455. And I'm going to visit her today, and I am gonna get to the truth.

456. It was a few weeks before Valentine's,

457. but it will take 30 cents off your next purchase of saus-trich.

458. Saus-trich lite, and our new deli-style saus-trami.

459. The story of how your bad back saved our relationship, remember?

460. Give me a hug. I've never felt closer to you.

461. I'd spent most of my teenage years working on my offense.

462. I mean, I made out with plenty of guy s behind your back.

463. Our marriage was built on a wonderful little romantic story.

464. All we have is a... is a big side of beef and 3 broken ribs.

465. You gotta do something that sweeps her off those big feet, Hank.

466. I tell you what. Put a little whipped cream on that old plastic wrap.

467. Oops, oh my gosh! You're about to step in that rain puddle.

468. If your lies were dollars, I would have a $100,000 by now

469. I'd still have to keep my job, but things would be a lot easier.

470. Hey, now that you're splashin', let's have a splash fight.

471. Stop it. What is wrong with you?

472. Let's chase it together. I'll grab it and you snatch the bow

473. neither of us knows if one will ever happen again.

474. First, he thinks flowers are going to make everything better.

475. And he ends up flat on his back in bed, on Valentine's day,

476. Could I borrow your cell phone for a moment?