1. Hey, look at that.Copy !req
2. I guess we're finally getting
some new neighbors.Copy !req
3. I tell you, if that boy
handles a football...Copy !req
4. half as good as he handles
a cardboard box...Copy !req
5. Arlen High's got herself
a new tight end.Copy !req
6. Hey, you think the dad's a good bowler?
Yeah, he looks like a good bowler.Copy !req
7. Maybe he needs someone to bowl with.Copy !req
8. Notice how he lifts with his legs.Copy !req
9. I think they're gonna
fit in just fine.Copy !req
10. Howdy, fellas. What
brings you to Arlen?Copy !req
11. This family hired us
to move their stuff.Copy !req
12. - Well, I'll be damned.
- They look Japanese.Copy !req
13. - No, I think they're Chinese.
- How can you tell?Copy !req
14. Japanese guys usually have glasses...Copy !req
15. and a suit and a tie,
and stuff like that.Copy !req
16. Well, a neighbor is a neighbor.Copy !req
17. Let's go over and say hi.Copy !req
18. Do you reckon they even speak English?Copy !req
19. Yeah, man, them Chinese,
you can't understand a word they say.Copy !req
20. They just try living
all upside down, what-not.Copy !req
21. Hi there, I'm Hank Hill,
I live next door...Copy !req
22. which means I'm your neighbor,
and you're my friend.Copy !req
23. I think you'll find we have
a great little community here.Copy !req
24. What do you think of it so far?Copy !req
25. I am Kahn Souphanousinphone.Copy !req
26. So that's pronounced "Caan," right?
Nice to meet you.Copy !req
27. What the hell are you trying to do?Copy !req
28. So are you Chinese or Japanese?Copy !req
29. I live in California last 20 year,
but first come from Laos.Copy !req
30. Laos. We Laotian.Copy !req
31. The ocean? What ocean?Copy !req
32. We are Laotian! From Laos, stupid!Copy !req
33. It's a landlocked country
in Southeast Asia.Copy !req
34. It's between Vietnam
and Thailand, okay?Copy !req
35. Population 4.7 million.Copy !req
36. So are you Chinese or Japanese?Copy !req
37. This is so very exciting.Copy !req
38. It's like we get to travel to the Orient
without having to worry about diarrhea...Copy !req
39. or being jailed
for our pro-democracy beliefs.Copy !req
40. At the beauty academy,
they teach us...Copy !req
41. that people aren't black or white
or yellow or red...Copy !req
42. but their hair can be.Copy !req
43. I'm going to invite
our new neighbors to dinner.Copy !req
44. We can't expect them to break the ice.Copy !req
45. These people are by nature
shy and reserved.Copy !req
46. I read somewhere
that the Chinese language...Copy !req
47. has 72 words for "rice,"
but no word for "friend."Copy !req
48. "Howdy, you all."Copy !req
49. "Howdy, howdy, howdy."
Can you believe this crap?Copy !req
50. You want to live in this country,
learn to speak English! I'm not going!Copy !req
51. - But you promised.
- Why go?Copy !req
52. I could just stay home, order a bucket
of chicken, watch Hee Haw, same thing.Copy !req
53. For once, try not to piss off
neighbor. We kick out of Laos.Copy !req
54. We kick out of Anaheim.
I'm tired of running!Copy !req
55. Hello, Kahn.Copy !req
56. Hank. Oh, damn!Copy !req
57. You have damn fine house.Copy !req
58. Lead-free since 1988.Copy !req
59. This is my wife, Minh,
and daughter, Kahn Jr.Copy !req
60. And this is Peggy Hill.Copy !req
61. On behalf of Arlen, Texas, I would
like to welcome you to our country.Copy !req
62. Please make yourselves at home,
and take off your shoes.Copy !req
63. Why? You just shampoo carpet?Copy !req
64. Come on, Bobby. Have some seconds.
The girl's lapping you.Copy !req
65. I've never had beef chop suey before.Copy !req
66. Really? Oh, you poor dear.Copy !req
67. You know, I read somewhere...Copy !req
68. that in certain parts of China...Copy !req
69. meat is as scarce as toilet paper.Copy !req
70. - Where you read that?
- Who can remember?Copy !req
71. As a substitute teacher, I have to
review all sorts of learning materials.Copy !req
72. - Maybe it was on a place mat.
- So you're a teacher.Copy !req
73. Maybe you can tell me
why Arlen test scores are so low.Copy !req
74. I know why. It's because Kahn Jr.
Not there to bring up average.Copy !req
75. My boy here might not be
the best test-taker...Copy !req
76. but he's got near perfect attendance.
Tell them, Bobby.Copy !req
77. I hope you all saved some room
for my famous Apple Brown Betty.Copy !req
78. The recipe's a closely guarded
family secret...Copy !req
79. passed on from my mother's mother,
to my mother, to me.Copy !req
80. And someday, I will
give it to my Bobby.Copy !req
81. - At least the Brown Betty was good.
- You must give me recipe.Copy !req
82. Oh, Minh, you know I can't do that.Copy !req
83. But what I can do
is offer you some leftovers.Copy !req
84. Here, now just reheat this
for 10 minutes at...Copy !req
85. I've already said way too much.Copy !req
86. Well, y'all come back now, y'hear?
That's Texan for "sayonara."Copy !req
87. Oh, my! Peggy Hill,
what big feet you have! Like boat!Copy !req
88. That's just the way God made me.Copy !req
89. Look at me!
I'm like little girl in Mama shoes!Copy !req
90. Okay, bye-bye now!Copy !req
91. Honey, she didn't mean anything by it.Copy !req
92. You do not come into a woman's home...Copy !req
93. and insult her feet! You just don't.Copy !req
94. Come on, Peg, remember when
you first moved here from Montana?Copy !req
95. You called pop "sody pop."Copy !req
96. And you thought 93 in
the shade was hot.Copy !req
97. Our new neighbors are just like you.Copy !req
98. All they need is a little bit of time,
and Hank Hill to watch out for them.Copy !req
99. Well, do you think
my feet are too big?Copy !req
100. No, there's just more of you to love.Copy !req
101. Ow.Copy !req
102. Sorry.Copy !req
103. Be careful, Bobby. That's one
of them Chinese fighting dogs.Copy !req
104. No, it's a West Highland Terrier.Copy !req
105. - Yeah, that's it. So what's his name?
- Doggie.Copy !req
106. Yes, Kahn Jr., he's a doggie.
Now can you tell me his name?Copy !req
107. He's called "Doggie."Copy !req
108. And that's called a doggie, too,
but her name is Ladybird.Copy !req
109. She's a purebred Georgia Bloodhound.Copy !req
110. Her mama tracked down James Earl Ray.Copy !req
111. Aren't kids great?Copy !req
112. They're too young
to know about fear or prejudice.Copy !req
113. They won't have to learn that
till high school.Copy !req
114. There's a real lesson
here for all of us.Copy !req
115. Move, please, you're
standing on my hose.Copy !req
116. Dad, look, Ladybird and Doggie
like each other.Copy !req
117. Of course they do, son,
they're neighbors.Copy !req
118. You know, Kahn, I just found
a breeding partner for my Ladybird.Copy !req
119. If you're interested in having
a real American dog, I can give...Copy !req
120. What the hell? Get him off of her!Copy !req
121. Your Ladybird, she real slut!Copy !req
122. Ladybird is not a slut.
She is in heat.Copy !req
123. Her hormones have overwhelmed
her natural modesty.Copy !req
124. For Pete's sake, would
you tie up your dog?Copy !req
125. You tie your dog. She
seduced my Doggie.Copy !req
126. That's ridiculous, Ladybird can only love
another purebred Georgia Bloodhound.Copy !req
127. You know what I think, Hank Hill?
I think you a narrow-minded redneck!Copy !req
128. Oh, I get it. Just because I'm from
Texas, I got to be some kind of redneck!Copy !req
129. The Chinese and their
stupid stereotypes!Copy !req
130. Get off my property!Copy !req
131. Sorry, Ladybird, I know
you didn't mean...Copy !req
132. to have relations with that dog.Copy !req
133. But I got to tie you up anyway, if only
to protect your virtue and good name.Copy !req
134. Man.Copy !req
135. Well, hey, look at that.Copy !req
136. Maybe Kahn'll let you borrow
his sexy little import.Copy !req
137. I'd cut my entire quarter acre
with a Lady Bic...Copy !req
138. before I'd borrow that man's mower.
I just don't like him.Copy !req
139. - Why? Because he's Chinese?
- No.Copy !req
140. I thought he was Korean.Copy !req
141. What the hell's the difference?Copy !req
142. I don't like the man. That has
nothing to do with where he's from.Copy !req
143. I'm no redneck.
He could be from Mars, for all I care.Copy !req
144. Believe me, Hank,
if Kahn were from Mars, you'd care.Copy !req
145. Especially after he's stolen every last
drop of Earth's drinkable water...Copy !req
146. to transport back to
his home planet...Copy !req
147. Mars.Copy !req
148. Come on, stop dawdling.
We have to pick up that pizza...Copy !req
149. before the cheese gets cold
and the pineapple gets hot.Copy !req
150. What's the rush? If we're not
there in 30 minutes, it's free.Copy !req
151. Peggy Hill!Copy !req
152. Wait! Aunt Peggy, it's Minh!Copy !req
153. Stop.Copy !req
154. Why, Minh, I almost did
not see you there.Copy !req
155. Peggy Hill!Copy !req
156. I feel deeply sorry about dinner.Copy !req
157. We get off to bad start. I say
things I should only have thought.Copy !req
158. Oh, Minh, thank you.Copy !req
159. It must've taken a lot of courage
to apologize like that.Copy !req
160. And I know. I was once the
new girl in town, myself.Copy !req
161. Me, Kahn, Kahn Jr.,
have a barbecue tomorrow.Copy !req
162. It mean so much if you come.Copy !req
163. Well, thank you, Minh.
We would be honored to come.Copy !req
164. If you need any help
with the barbecue...Copy !req
165. or if you just want to know what a
barbecue is, you give me a call.Copy !req
166. Uh-uh, Peggy.Copy !req
167. I can't go, I won't.
Not after what he said about Ladybird.Copy !req
168. Oh, Hank, come on.
Minh and I just made up.Copy !req
169. We have to go, and if you stay home...Copy !req
170. people will think you don't like Kahn
because he's Oriental.Copy !req
171. That is ridiculous.Copy !req
172. I hate the man
because he's rude and nasty.Copy !req
173. Not because of what
his people did to us in WW II.Copy !req
174. Hank, I know that. But everyone else,
they'll say Hank Hill is a racist.Copy !req
175. What the hell kind of country is this,
where I can only hate a man if he's white?Copy !req
176. Hank Hill, you will go to that party,
you will pretend to like Kahn...Copy !req
177. and you will drink
until you actually do.Copy !req
178. Go on.Copy !req
179. - Howdy, Kahn.
- Howdy, howdy, howdy.Copy !req
180. Here you go.Copy !req
181. I thought you might enjoy 7.5 gallons
of pure, premium propane.Copy !req
182. Are you kidding? No, I
cook with mesquite.Copy !req
183. Give meat nice taste of wood.Copy !req
184. And I cook with propane.
Gives meat nice taste of meat.Copy !req
185. - Hank Hill.
- Hey, whatever.Copy !req
186. Some cultures like mesquite,
some prefer propane.Copy !req
187. Doesn't mean we can't all get along.Copy !req
188. Just because I happen to sell propane
and propane accessories...Copy !req
189. Okay, go stick tank on the table.
Keep napkins from blowing away.Copy !req
190. - Kahn Souphanousinphone.
- Okay.Copy !req
191. You honor me by giving me gas.Copy !req
192. Doggie's just like me.Copy !req
193. He's new in town,
and he's only got one friend.Copy !req
194. Yeah.Copy !req
195. But at least you're not tied up.Copy !req
196. If I were, I'd just dislocate my
shoulders and slip out of the knot.Copy !req
197. I'd chew through the leash. I bet
it tastes just like a Bible cover.Copy !req
198. Hey...Copy !req
199. Let's untie him. They belong together.Copy !req
200. And it's fun to watch
them play piggyback.Copy !req
201. There you go, boy. Go play with
Ladybird. Be with your true love.Copy !req
202. Wait, come back! You're in love!Copy !req
203. Doggie! No, come back!Copy !req
204. Look, it's Peggy Hill!
My new best friend!Copy !req
205. She's so pretty in her
little yellow sundress.Copy !req
206. Oh, Minh, you are so sweet.Copy !req
207. I could just mix you up in some
Jell-O, and eat you for dessert!Copy !req
208. Peggy Hill, look at husbands!Copy !req
209. Too bad men don't get
along like we do.Copy !req
210. We get along. Men stupid, women smart.Copy !req
211. The whole world over.Copy !req
212. Hey, look what I make,
Peggy Hill Brown Betty.Copy !req
213. But that's impossible,
I never gave you the...Copy !req
214. Where'd you get my granny's recipe?Copy !req
215. I figure it out myself,
and then make it better.Copy !req
216. Her recipe missing one thing. Flavor!Copy !req
217. - I beg your P?
- I add flavor, nutmeg flavor.Copy !req
218. Now taste much better,
don't you think?Copy !req
219. Please to try Peggy Brown Betty.Copy !req
220. Would you like Peggy Brown Betty?Copy !req
221. It's tasty, delicious.Copy !req
222. To be honest, I have always had trouble
keeping your Brown Betty down...Copy !req
223. but this here is pure heaven.Copy !req
224. - Those burgers look done to me.
- Not yet.Copy !req
225. - You might want to turn them now.
- Too soon.Copy !req
226. Okay.Copy !req
227. - You might want to turn them now!
- No! Please go away.Copy !req
228. Please, Kahn, you're burning them.
That's too much char!Copy !req
229. Shut mouth and open mouth!Copy !req
230. Boy, howdy! That is the best
damn burger I ever ate.Copy !req
231. Stop! Stop pushing!
There's enough for everyone...Copy !req
232. if three people go home right now!
Joke!Copy !req
233. Doggie.Copy !req
234. Doggie?Copy !req
235. - Kahn Jr?
- Yeah?Copy !req
236. - Why are you named "Kahn Jr."?
- My father wanted a boy.Copy !req
237. Yeah, so did mine.Copy !req
238. My dad is so lame.Copy !req
239. He makes me practice violin
five hours a day.Copy !req
240. My dad won't let me watch TV
more than five hours a day.Copy !req
241. Well, my dad's making me memorize
2,000 words for the SAT.Copy !req
242. He's such an autocrat.Copy !req
243. What's a S-A-T?Copy !req
244. I tell you, Peggy, there's nothing
these people can't make better.Copy !req
245. First the automobile, then the
color TV, and now the hamburger.Copy !req
246. How do they do it?Copy !req
247. With a dash of nutmeg, Hank!
A dash of nutmeg!Copy !req
248. Oh, Peggy Hill!Copy !req
249. Your husband like burger so much,
I give you recipe.Copy !req
250. Now you can please him.Copy !req
251. I don't care what country he's from.Copy !req
252. Any man who can make a burger
like that is okay by me.Copy !req
253. You said it!Copy !req
254. It was so good, it's almost a shame to
lose it to the process of digestion.Copy !req
255. I tell you what,
that dang old onion soup powder, man.Copy !req
256. Just put a little bit of that,
you don't need no grilled onions.Copy !req
257. How about you, Dale?
How many you got under your belt?Copy !req
258. - Zero.
- How come?Copy !req
259. I don't eat dog.Copy !req
260. Okay, here are the
facts as I see them.Copy !req
261. - Kahn served you dog.
- Kahn did not serve us dog.Copy !req
262. That's just an awful stereotype.
Chinese people don't really do that.Copy !req
263. I don't know.Copy !req
264. Anyone crazy enough
to put nutmeg in Brown Betty...Copy !req
265. well, they'd be crazy enough
to do anything.Copy !req
266. Even if they did feed us dog,
you know, who are we?Copy !req
267. Who are we to judge other cultures?
Maybe they're on to something!Copy !req
268. Who are we to judge other cultures?
Maybe they're on to something!Copy !req
269. They did invent paper, you know.Copy !req
270. Quit talking like that!
Dog is man's best friend.Copy !req
271. - Would you eat your best friend?
- Of course not!Copy !req
272. Are we talking about
some kind of lifeboat situation, here?Copy !req
273. I don't want to paint
myself into a corner.Copy !req
274. Look, I can settle this right now.
That woman gave us the recipe.Copy !req
275. See, right here. It says
"chopped meat," not "chopped dog."Copy !req
276. Dog is meat.Copy !req
277. You said it, friend.Copy !req
278. I was just trying to get that
awful taste off my fingers.Copy !req
279. Doggie?Copy !req
280. Hello? Dog pound?Copy !req
281. Hello? I'm looking for dog.Copy !req
282. Sweet, sweet, dog.Copy !req
283. Have big barbecue today
and dog run out.Copy !req
284. About 20, 25 pound.Copy !req
285. Good Lord, it's true!Copy !req
286. I call you back.
Hank Hill, what a nice surprise.Copy !req
287. Kahn, come quick! Your
best friend is here!Copy !req
288. Oh, no, that's okay.Copy !req
289. What you doing here?Copy !req
290. I can't hear you over my Weed Whacker!Copy !req
291. - Where you going, Hank Hill? Stop!
- I can't hear you.Copy !req
292. My chrysanthemums! What you doing?Copy !req
293. You ruin my yard!
You crazy redneck!Copy !req
294. We're never gonna find Doggie.Copy !req
295. I know. Want to ride bikes?Copy !req
296. Hey, Ladybird's a Bloodhound.
Maybe she could find Doggie.Copy !req
297. Yeah!Copy !req
298. Come on, Ladybird!Copy !req
299. Lead us to Doggie!Copy !req
300. My God, Dale! You were right!
Their dog is gone, all gone.Copy !req
301. I caught Minh on the phone
with some kind of doggie butcher.Copy !req
302. She was placing an order.Copy !req
303. This is very dangerous.Copy !req
304. They know that you know.
And now, they got to come after you.Copy !req
305. - They do?
- Yep.Copy !req
306. They'll get you with a blow dart.
That's their way.Copy !req
307. You'll just think it's a
mosquito bite, until you die.Copy !req
308. Then you'll know the truth.Copy !req
309. Why would they shoot people?
Human meat's tough, flavorless.Copy !req
310. They should be out
hunting for more dog!Copy !req
311. Good God! He's got Ladybird!Copy !req
312. It's still wet. Maybe there's time.Copy !req
313. Come on, guys! We got
to save Ladybird!Copy !req
314. I've been hit!
Quick, somebody suck out the poison!Copy !req
315. Oh, no! Ladybird!Copy !req
316. That psycho redneck is back.Copy !req
317. Why he so mad? I do something wrong?Copy !req
318. You're the one who
insulted his propane.Copy !req
319. You're the one who made fun
of Peggy Hill's monster feet!Copy !req
320. - Open up, Kahn! Open up, now!
- Get my bat.Copy !req
321. I know you're in there!Copy !req
322. Go away! I do nothing wrong!Copy !req
323. Kahn, I understand that life is valued
differently in your part of the world...Copy !req
324. largely as a result
of overcrowding and famine.Copy !req
325. But you're in my country now.Copy !req
326. You're a crazy man! I call the police.Copy !req
327. If anyone's gonna be calling
the police, it's gonna be me!Copy !req
328. Please! What you want from me?Copy !req
329. I want my Ladybird!
You understand me?Copy !req
330. Give me my dog back, or else!Copy !req
331. Tough guy, I so scared.
You want a piece of this?Copy !req
332. - Dad, no!
- It's all our fault!Copy !req
333. We lost the dogs.Copy !req
334. They wanted to play with each other,
so we untied them.Copy !req
335. They ran away. Now we can't find them.Copy !req
336. You what? You mean, you...Copy !req
337. The dogs? They're still alive?Copy !req
338. - What you think happen?
- Well, I... Nothing.Copy !req
339. - We're sorry, Dad. We looked everywhere.
- We really did.Copy !req
340. Bobby, you really
screwed up this time.Copy !req
341. Kahn Jr., you fall
in with a bad crowd.Copy !req
342. You made me fight with my neighbor.Copy !req
343. You made the neighbor man crazy.Copy !req
344. Go to your room!Copy !req
345. What? You say, "Go to your room"?Copy !req
346. I say, "Go to your room." You spank?Copy !req
347. - No, sir. Don't believe in it.
- No, me neither. I think it barbaric.Copy !req
348. - How about bed without dessert?
- Never fail.Copy !req
349. Wouldn't figure a child
could be motivated...Copy !req
350. by a fortune cookie
and an orange slice.Copy !req
351. The cookie may be small,
but it contain great wisdom.Copy !req
352. And orange is sweet and juicy.Copy !req
353. You know, Kahn, we may deny our kids
completely different desserts...Copy !req
354. but they both go to bed hungry,
and that's what really matters.Copy !req
355. Guess we're not so
different after all.Copy !req
356. Boy, howdy.Copy !req
357. - Ladybird!
- Doggie!Copy !req
358. Doggie Kahn!Copy !req
359. Welcome to the neighborhood, Kahn...Copy !req
360. Soup-ha-nousinp-hone.Copy !req
361. Just call me Kahn. I
don't got all damn day.Copy !req
362. I'm running out of time!
Give me the antidote, man.Copy !req
363. This is my granny's
Five-Alarm Jambalaya.Copy !req
364. You want less hot, more spicy.
Add nutmeg.Copy !req
365. "Less hot, more spicy,
add nutmeg." Of course, okay.Copy !req
366. Aunt Laverne's Chicken Fried Chicken.Copy !req
367. Too much Mrs. Dash, add nutmeg.Copy !req
368. "Too much Mrs. Dash."Copy !req
369. And this here is my
very own rabbit stew.Copy !req
370. Rabbit! You rednecks
will eat anything!Copy !req