1. Two and an eighth.Copy !req
2. And two and a sixteenth.Copy !req
3. Better let some air
out of my left tires.Copy !req
4. Hey, getting your lawn ready
for Cinco de Mayo?Copy !req
5. Bill, my lawn is in a constant state
of readiness.Copy !req
6. The block party is just an opportunity
to trot her out...Copy !req
7. and show what she can do.Copy !req
8. Since you let your lawn go to hell,
okay if Doggie make on it?Copy !req
9. If you've got something
to say, say it.Copy !req
10. It's not my place to point out
low density patches here...Copy !req
11. over there, and behind
other side of house.Copy !req
12. Sucky lawn bring down
value of my property.Copy !req
13. Now, you listen here, Kahn...Copy !req
14. if anyone's bringing down
the value of this neighborhood...Copy !req
15. it's me.Copy !req
16. My lawn's nothing
but ragweed and auto parts.Copy !req
17. I should be ashamed
to live next to Hank Hill.Copy !req
18. He's got the best lawn in Arlen.Copy !req
19. Best lawn after mine!Copy !req
20. Don't worry, Hank.Copy !req
21. We might be able to tell
Kahn's lawn is better than yours.Copy !req
22. But all those people
at the block party, they won't.Copy !req
23. They'll be drunk.Copy !req
24. Damn, I've poured
my whole life into this lawn.Copy !req
25. My heart, my soul.Copy !req
26. The tender feelings
I've held back from my family.Copy !req
27. Now, Hank, you don't
want to win that way.Copy !req
28. Why don't you just switch those back,
and go in and hug your wife?Copy !req
29. Bethany, it does not matter
if your avocados are hard.Copy !req
30. Life is hard.Copy !req
31. You cannot make authentic guacamole...Copy !req
32. out of lima beans and Ritz crackers.Copy !req
33. Oh, these people! Gringos!Copy !req
34. I am just glad you're in charge of the
block party this year, Aunt Peggy.Copy !req
35. Last year, it was all Tex and no Mex.Copy !req
36. I don't know why everyone's so gaga
over Kahn's lawn all of a sudden.Copy !req
37. For God's sakes,
the man mows with the grain.Copy !req
38. He's the devil.Copy !req
39. Anyway, Hank,
would you please tell Boomhauer...Copy !req
40. Swiss cheese is not Mexican.Copy !req
41. It is American.Copy !req
42. I want him to bring
some Monterey Jack.Copy !req
43. I'm the block captain.Copy !req
44. I should have the best lawn
for Cinco de Mayo.Copy !req
45. But look at her. Something's wrong.Copy !req
46. She's like a pretty
girl with short hair.Copy !req
47. Hank, what do you say
to another lawn spraying...Copy !req
48. from your favorite exterminator?Copy !req
49. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
50. I guess those twice-a-week sprayings
have been doing the job, Dale.Copy !req
51. I lost another client.Copy !req
52. Thinks I use too much chemicals.Copy !req
53. I say Sara Lee uses more chemicals
than I do.Copy !req
54. Come on, I need to make up the income.
I'll do it for free.Copy !req
55. Well, okay.Copy !req
56. Wingo, man! I'll get my stuff.Copy !req
57. Maybe that's what's wrong
with your lawn.Copy !req
58. Dale's spraying too much poison on it?Copy !req
59. What? No. He's always sprayed my lawn.Copy !req
60. If I can give some business to my
friend and keep my lawn bug-free...Copy !req
61. it's worth $2 a week.Copy !req
62. Good for you for choosing your friend
over your lawn.Copy !req
63. All right!Copy !req
64. Turn your cuffs down, boys.
And make sure you're zipped.Copy !req
65. You know what, Dale?Copy !req
66. I thought it over,
and I think I'll take a rain check.Copy !req
67. But I was gonna spray
for fire ants today.Copy !req
68. All the same, I'll give it a pass.Copy !req
69. I wouldn't advise that.
You risk getting a queen.Copy !req
70. Look at her!Copy !req
71. She can lay a million eggs
in a 24-hour period.Copy !req
72. Wow! That's more than
a human woman does in a lifetime.Copy !req
73. These fire ants are well-organized,
highly-trained insects.Copy !req
74. They'll swarm all over you
and sting you all at once...Copy !req
75. without warning, on a single command.Copy !req
76. It's how they killed L. Ron Hubbard.Copy !req
77. Dale, fire ants don't
sting you all at once.Copy !req
78. Half of them bite,
the other half are on defense.Copy !req
79. That's not true.Copy !req
80. I don't know, man. Hank's the man.
He knows. Dang old Hank's the man.Copy !req
81. What are you guys
listening to Hank for?Copy !req
82. I have dedicated my professional career
to the study and control of arthropods.Copy !req
83. I've personally taste-tested
each and every household insecticide.Copy !req
84. I have read a book.Copy !req
85. Now, who do you believe, me or Hank?Copy !req
86. Hank is more believable.Copy !req
87. Fine. Side with him.Copy !req
88. Just to show you what a big man I am,
I'll still spray your lawn.Copy !req
89. Dale, I don't want you
to spray my lawn anymore.Copy !req
90. Not now, not ever.Copy !req
91. I see what's going on here.Copy !req
92. You got another exterminator.Copy !req
93. Is he licensed? Is he bonded?
Is that it?Copy !req
94. Did you want someone
who's licensed and bonded?Copy !req
95. Dale, let's not make this any harder
than it has to be.Copy !req
96. It's over.Copy !req
97. But I'm your exterminator.Copy !req
98. You were my exterminator.Copy !req
99. Now we're just friends.Copy !req
100. Don't do this to me in
front of everybody.Copy !req
101. Let me just spray a little
to keep up appearances.Copy !req
102. No.Copy !req
103. All done, Hank.Copy !req
104. Just keep the dog in
the house for an hour.Copy !req
105. I did what had to be done.
I got rid of an anti-lawn element.Copy !req
106. Sure, he's a friend.
But I have lots of friends.Copy !req
107. I only have the one lawn.Copy !req
108. What do you think?
Does this say "Hank Hill"?Copy !req
109. I thought we just came
for seed and fertilizer.Copy !req
110. Why are men so attracted to hoes?Copy !req
111. Peggy, look!Copy !req
112. It's Raleigh St. Augustine!Copy !req
113. To hell with fertilizer and seed.
I want this!Copy !req
114. It's $1.25 a square foot.Copy !req
115. So what? It's worth it.Copy !req
116. Look, some people hoist a flag
to show they love our country.Copy !req
117. My lawn is my flag.Copy !req
118. It tells the world:Copy !req
119. "Here lives a competent,
trustworthy salesman of propane...Copy !req
120. "and propane accessories."Copy !req
121. A man who can't keep up a lawn
is either inept or stupid.Copy !req
122. Without my lawn, I am Bill.Copy !req
123. Do you want to be married to Bill?Copy !req
124. Well, mister, you have just installed
the finest lawn on the block.Copy !req
125. Peggy, I didn't do it for me.
I did it for Arlen.Copy !req
126. It looks so nice. Can I touch it?Copy !req
127. Sure, it's a lawn. It's
meant to be enjoyed.Copy !req
128. It feels so good against my skin.Copy !req
129. Okay, that's enough.Copy !req
130. Hey, Hank,
congrats on the lawn, friend.Copy !req
131. I'm glad you came.Copy !req
132. - May I?
- Just a little.Copy !req
133. Oh, yeah. That's nice.Copy !req
134. Feels like a shag carpet with dirt.Copy !req
135. Feels like home.Copy !req
136. Hey! Get off my property!Copy !req
137. Luanne! For God's sakes!Copy !req
138. Ouch!Copy !req
139. Boy, it does feel good
against the skin.Copy !req
140. Hank Hill, somebody steal
my TV Guide out of mailbox!Copy !req
141. First, I think it Bill.
But then I think, can Bill read?Copy !req
142. Hey, Kahn.
Just letting my feet air out here.Copy !req
143. Hillbilly barefoot. Big surprise!Copy !req
144. Yep, just walking around on my lush...Copy !req
145. super-plush, new lawn.Copy !req
146. I notice. Raleigh St. Augustine.
Very expensive.Copy !req
147. I think it was worth it
for the best lawn in Arlen.Copy !req
148. Yes, all right. You win. Best lawn.Copy !req
149. Tomorrow, maybe we compare salaries.Copy !req
150. Kahn Jr., get fertilizer!
Minh, get my tax return!Copy !req
151. Don't want to get a hose imprint.Copy !req
152. Ow!Copy !req
153. What the...Copy !req
154. A fire ant?Copy !req
155. Oh, God, no! An ant
hill on my new lawn!Copy !req
156. So that's what that is.Copy !req
157. How did I get fire ants?Copy !req
158. I'm only
a professional exterminator.Copy !req
159. I don't know how you get them.
I only know how you get rid of them.Copy !req
160. Got to go.Copy !req
161. It's called Eco-Kill, Hank.Copy !req
162. The government would not
let them use the word "eco"...Copy !req
163. unless it was ecologically safe.Copy !req
164. I don't know, Peggy. It seems to me...Copy !req
165. it's gonna take more
than a bag of flies...Copy !req
166. to scare off these red devil bastards.Copy !req
167. No. They do more than scare them.Copy !req
168. "The Ford fly injects its egg
into the fire ant's head.Copy !req
169. "The egg hatches into a maggot,
which eats away at the ant's brain...Copy !req
170. "until the head falls off.
Repeat as necessary."Copy !req
171. I like it.Copy !req
172. This is exactly
what those environmentalists...Copy !req
173. should be spending their time on.Copy !req
174. Finding ways to use nature...Copy !req
175. against other forms of nature...Copy !req
176. that are inconvenient to man.Copy !req
177. Wow, look how busy this ant is.Copy !req
178. It's got so many places to go...Copy !req
179. and so many things to do.Copy !req
180. Oops.Copy !req
181. Your parents got Eco-Kill. Cool!Copy !req
182. We can collect the empty ant heads
when they're done.Copy !req
183. What a terrible way to die.Copy !req
184. Oops.Copy !req
185. Come on! If we save them,
we can play with them.Copy !req
186. Hey, look at that
chubby white one.Copy !req
187. He reminds me of me,
before my growth spurt.Copy !req
188. That's the queen, stupid.Copy !req
189. It looks just like
the one on my dad's truck.Copy !req
190. - You mean Dale Gribble's truck?
- Yeah, my dad!Copy !req
191. The queen is cool.Copy !req
192. She lets out smells that make
the other ants do whatever she wants.Copy !req
193. Wow!Copy !req
194. Well, well, well.Copy !req
195. Looks like those fire ants
played you like the damn fiddle.Copy !req
196. Yeah? Well, the opry ain't over yet.Copy !req
197. Okay, ants, put your heads
between your six legs...Copy !req
198. and kiss your butt goodbye.Copy !req
199. "Celebration of local
graffiti artists"?Copy !req
200. I'll give you a headline.Copy !req
201. "Local man cancels
newspaper subscription."Copy !req
202. Hey, Hank! You got a permit
for all that construction?Copy !req
203. You've got ants.Copy !req
204. Yes, my queen.Copy !req
205. Peggy wants me to barbecue
20 pounds of Mexican sausage.Copy !req
206. I got half a tank of propane left.
You think that's enough?Copy !req
207. I figure I can top it off with some
lighter fluid or something.Copy !req
208. Bill, you don't want to be mixing
and matching your petrochemical.Copy !req
209. The Propane Association
recommends that you...Copy !req
210. It'll be fine, Bill. Burn is burn.Copy !req
211. "Burn is burn." I got
to remember that.Copy !req
212. No, no! I'm telling
you, that's dangerous.Copy !req
213. Propane is what I know best.Copy !req
214. It sure ain't lawns.Copy !req
215. Yeah, man,
dang sure right about that.Copy !req
216. Hey, guys, I've kind of got
to talk to Dale alone.Copy !req
217. I was just telling the guys
about Stonehenge.Copy !req
218. It seems the Druids used it as some
kind of sophisticated celestial...Copy !req
219. Dale, I didn't come here to...Copy !req
220. Oh, no! For once, you
will hear me out.Copy !req
221. calendar.Copy !req
222. Now what can I do for you?Copy !req
223. You can save my lawn.
Those fire ants are out of control.Copy !req
224. You're the only one who can help me.Copy !req
225. That's right.Copy !req
226. I am. The question is, why should I?Copy !req
227. Well, I'll give you $2.Copy !req
228. $2?Copy !req
229. Because you're my friend.Copy !req
230. I'm Hank's friend! Tie
a ribbon around me.Copy !req
231. Because I'm coming to
you, man to man...Copy !req
232. offering a genuine apology for
choosing my lawn over our friendship.Copy !req
233. Jeez, Hank, I was
just holding out for $2.50.Copy !req
234. What's that? What are you spraying?
There won't be bleaching, will there?Copy !req
235. Hell, no.Copy !req
236. I'd put that mask back
on if I were you.Copy !req
237. You should've come to me sooner.Copy !req
238. I got to pull out the big gun.Copy !req
239. Dioxaphiliphide 6000...Copy !req
240. with techroline.Copy !req
241. And don't forget
it is Quatro de Mayo!Copy !req
242. - That's right, brother.
- Right.Copy !req
243. It's not fair. She was
so young and green.Copy !req
244. I never even got a chance to mow her.Copy !req
245. It'll be okay, Hank.Copy !req
246. You will grow a new lawn
by next year's Cinco de Mayo.Copy !req
247. I can't go through this again.Copy !req
248. - From now on, wood chips and gravel.
- Now, you do not mean that.Copy !req
249. Ashes to ashes, man.
It's that dang old ashes to ashes.Copy !req
250. I only used
as much poison as necessary...Copy !req
251. and not a 55-gallon drum more.Copy !req
252. Poor Hank.Copy !req
253. - Serves him right.
- Damn straight...Copy !req
254. Yeah, yeah, it does.Copy !req
255. You know, where I come from,
we got a thing called karma.Copy !req
256. You do something bad,
it come back and bite you in the ass!Copy !req
257. Big, white, stubborn ass!Copy !req
258. Guys, I can hear you.Copy !req
259. Aunt Peggy,
Buckley wants to bring his.38...Copy !req
260. to shoot off at the block party.Copy !req
261. But Uncle Hank said
nothing bigger than a.22.Copy !req
262. Well, now, he is
the block captain, Luanne.Copy !req
263. Now, I coat the churros
with azúcar, or sugar.Copy !req
264. How very odd.
Now what the heck was that?Copy !req
265. Feed, my queen. Feed.Copy !req
266. I just hope Hank doesn't blame Dale
for what happened.Copy !req
267. No, Nancy, he knows Dale
was only doing his job.Copy !req
268. He gave him a 50-cent raise.Copy !req
269. Oh, sugar! We're out of sugar, sug'.Copy !req
270. I think there's more in the basement.Copy !req
271. Oh, no, I'll go get it.Copy !req
272. Dale?Copy !req
273. - Oh, my goodness!
- Hey, Peggy.Copy !req
274. How could you do it?Copy !req
275. How could you plant
fire ants on our lawn?Copy !req
276. I'm denying that. That's my position.Copy !req
277. Dale, you wrote it on this map!
"3:00 a.m., planted ants."Copy !req
278. If all you're going on is
my confession, forget it.Copy !req
279. I'm simply not credible.Copy !req
280. Well, then, what on God's green earth
are you doing with all these fire ants?Copy !req
281. They're silk worms.Copy !req
282. Uh-huh.Copy !req
283. If you keep your mouth shut,
I'll make you a business suit.Copy !req
284. No, I cannot allow you to leave
the safety of the bowl.Copy !req
285. It is too dangerous out there.Copy !req
286. Forgive me, my queen,
I spoke out of turn.Copy !req
287. Yes, Your Majesty,
I will tell my people about you.Copy !req
288. And may I be so bold as to ask you
to tell your subjects about...Copy !req
289. Uh-oh.Copy !req
290. I'm telling you, it's Dale, with
those fire ants. Get right in his...Copy !req
291. Dale!Copy !req
292. Oh, man.Copy !req
293. Dale, you went too far this time!Copy !req
294. Come back here. I'm
gonna kick your ass!Copy !req
295. No!Copy !req
296. I'm gonna kick it harder
if you don't come over here!Copy !req
297. You shouldn't have fired me!
You know what I'm like!Copy !req
298. I'm capable of any crazy thing!Copy !req
299. But my lawn, Dale!
You don't mess with a man's lawn!Copy !req
300. I had no choice!Copy !req
301. I tried planting the ants in your
driveway, but they didn't take!Copy !req
302. They couldn't bite through cement.
They're weak! Like me!Copy !req
303. Dad.Copy !req
304. Not now, Bobby!
I'm in the middle of something!Copy !req
305. This really can't wait.Copy !req
306. Bobby, what are you doing?Copy !req
307. Take them off!Copy !req
308. - Bobby, don't move a muscle!
- What?Copy !req
309. Listen to him, Bobby. If you move,
they're all gonna sting at once.Copy !req
310. Take my hand, Bobby.
The ants'll swarm on me.Copy !req
311. What if they don't?Copy !req
312. They will.Copy !req
313. They've been waiting
to get a piece of me for 15 years.Copy !req
314. Come and get it, boys.Copy !req
315. Ouch.Copy !req
316. Dale?Copy !req
317. - Mr. Gribble?
- Dale, no!Copy !req
318. Oh, God. You sacrificed your life...Copy !req
319. to save my son.Copy !req
320. I guess that makes us even
for you ruining my lawn.Copy !req
321. What am I saying?
Of course it makes us even.Copy !req
322. While I was blacked out,
was anything inserted into me?Copy !req
323. - You're alive?
- Answer the question.Copy !req
324. It's on the green.Copy !req
325. Beautiful.Copy !req
326. It's on the green.Copy !req
327. So green and soothing.Copy !req
328. Come join the block party!Copy !req
329. How about at least one margarita
before Bill finishes them all?Copy !req
330. It's not "margarrrita," okay?Copy !req
331. It's "margarita."Copy !req
332. Oh, Hank? Hank, come quick.Copy !req
333. Well, I'll be...Copy !req
334. Here, Hank.Copy !req
335. I've been saving this
for someone special.Copy !req
336. But I guess she's never coming back.Copy !req
337. Try and make lawn nice, neighbor.Copy !req
338. Organically grown, no chemicals.Copy !req
339. I killed all the bugs with my fingers.Copy !req
340. This day Hank's, man,
everybody's best friend, man!Copy !req
341. Richest man in the world.
Just like the dang old Jimmy... Yo.Copy !req
342. This is a very friendly gesture.Copy !req
343. I like y'all a whole lot.Copy !req
344. If any of you weren't here,
I'd miss you some.Copy !req
345. I especially want to
thank Dale Gribble.Copy !req
346. Without his paranoid
and, well, hateful nature...Copy !req
347. I never would've learned what kind
of beating a friendship can survive.Copy !req
348. You're my best friend, Dale.Copy !req
349. I thought I was your
best friend, Hank.Copy !req
350. Yeah, well...Copy !req