Joe Pera Talks With You 3x8

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Joe Pera considers legacy and loss while watching playoff football with the extended Melsky family.

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1. When I think of legacy, I think of this.

2. An old man giving a young boy a horseshoe.

3. I don't know why,

4. but it perfectly captures what it feels like

5. to be given something by an old person.

6. You don't want it,

7. but you're getting it and have to keep it.

8. It reminds me of NFL teams.

9. It's almost like you're handed down an NFL team at birth.

10. Some people are fortunate to be given a dynasty

11. that keeps winning no matter what.

12. Oh, well. What?

13. Oh, well. Yeah. Oh, well.

14. Others have to deal with decades of disappointment.

15. I was one of the lucky ones, as my Nana was a Packers fan.

16. Did you know that the Green Bay Packers

17. are owned by its fans.

18. It's true. The town currently has

19. 360,760 stockholders

20. who collectively own 5,011,558 shares of the franchise.

21. People pass their shares down to their children,

22. creating generations of invested fans.

23. Now, that's a legacy.

24. Hello. My name's Joe Pera.

25. And I'm at the Melskys' to watch the NFC Championship game.

26. Unfortunately, without the Packers.

27. With a final record of 6-9-1,

28. this past year's season is something

29. I don't want to talk about.

30. We lost to the Bears.

31. Still, the game is a good distraction.

32. I finally put my Nana's house on the market.

33. And this afternoon is the first open —

34. Open house.

35. Did I miss a touchdown?

36. No, it's a GoDaddy commercial.

37. GoDaddy!

38. We have some wow.

39. And then we have some more wow.

40. Joe, we did it.

41. I mean, this place really has an authentic Brooklyn feel.

42. Sure.

43. But what about all the sentimental value?

44. Joe, if sentimental value was factored in,

45. I could sell this place for $35 million,

46. but unfortunately it's not.

47. So it's listed for 140K.

48. Right.

49. Do you want me to stick around

50. to tell people about all the memories?

51. Oh, look, Joe, Joe, I know these buyers.

52. When they walk through this door,

53. they just want a tall drink of water real-estate agent

54. like myself to smooth-talk them.

55. But if you're here telling them about Nana,

56. people are gonna start saying, "Cool story, bro,"

57. trust me.

58. Right.

59. Hey, why don't you and Sarah go see a motion picture?

60. The Melskys actually invited us over to watch the big game.

61. Oh, that's great.

62. Beer, sports, and wings, AKA my religion.

63. Sarah's there now with her new friend Debin.

64. Debin Jaconski-Hammershunk?

65. Yeah. You know her?

66. Yeah, yeah.

67. Well, she was the one that got away.

68. Sorry. I don't care.

69. But he steps up

70. and overthrows a wide-open Roy Williams.

71. That was a pretty good route there by Jeff Kensing.

72. They've got two-deep coverage, the Rams.

73. That's the hole in the zone.

74. And Ted Simanden does a nice job of getting in.

75. Hey, Mike, don't you think it's weird

76. that you touch on cars all day long,

77. but if you touch the gas and the steering wheel,

78. you go to jail?

79. Yeah, keep laughing.

80. You're not gonna be laughing when you hand me 50 bucks each

81. after the Rams beat the Saints.

82. I can't believe you didn't use an anti-DUI gum.

83. I did. It didn't work.

84. Cheap Canadian bull crap.

85. Yeah, I'm sick of Canada.

86. Their president's just crap trash, though.

87. One-hit wonder.

88. He talks too much and not enough action.

89. Oh, thank you, dear.

90. Dad, if you win, will you buy me a bird?

91. Yeah, sure.

92. I hope your dad can walk to the bird store

93. because he ain't driving.

94. Chelsea, go get me a coffee cake.

95. You don't even like the Rams.

96. You just put money on them because you secretly want

97. to go to L.A. and become a Lyft driver

98. for those like 30 year old guys who look like toddlers.

99. You don't talk to me that way in my house!

100. You know that I would nuke L.A. if I had the chance!

101. You don't want to work. You just want to be an actor.

102. You take it back! I'll murder you!

103. Stop your screeching!

104. You're scaring the bookworm.

105. Now say you're sorry.

106. - Sorry. - Sorry, Joe.

107. It's okay.

108. I hear you're building a chair.

109. I am. What type?

110. It's kind of a combination of a few.

111. I hope it's an electric chair.

112. It's not. Just a normal chair.

113. Anybody want anything from the kitchen?

114. Beer. Beer. Yeah, beer.

115. third down and three.

116. It looks good.

117. Debin took me to her person.

118. Oh, okay, here. Look at this hunk.

119. Michael Brunket?

120. What? He's in college.

121. I know.

122. Mmm, caramel corn.

123. Help yourself.

124. No, thanks.

125. I can't start 'cause I can't stop.

126. Alright.

127. Popcorn's terrible for everyone.

128. You know, you're very brave watching the game

129. with those psychos.

130. It's fun.

131. I appreciate when people care about stuff.

132. It's a nightmare.

133. Last year, Mike threw a bowl of guac against the door.

134. Oh, you should get those bowls with the Velcro bottoms.

135. I've only seen those for babies.

136. Oh.

137. How you holding up with the open house?

138. When we sold my parents' RV, I was devastated.

139. To be honest, I can't stop thinking about it.

140. Imagining she might still come home looking for her stuff.

141. It feels wrong to let the house sit empty,

142. but it also feels wrong to convert it into cash.

143. What do I need cash for?

144. Already got a nice car.

145. So no word from Brad Kim?

146. Brad Kim? Brad Kim?

147. Yeah, you know him? He's selling Nana's house.

148. I used to go out with that guy.

149. Tell them.

150. Okay, so it ended so bad.

151. So back in 2015, we went down to Summerfest

152. to see Florida Georgia Line. - Nice.

153. He says he's gonna go get us some beers, right?

154. Next thing I know, he's down by the stage

155. kissing his pregnant ex-girlfriend.

156. See, that's outdoor festivals for you.

157. The sun bakes people's brains.

158. Completely. Sorry to hear that, Debin.

159. Thanks.

160. Sue, where are your other kids?

161. They're in the basement painting Nicole's new bedroom.

162. Really?

163. Yeah, we figured it'd be nice for her to have her own space

164. and not have to share with her sister.

165. What color did she end up going with?

166. Come on.

167. Very dark.

168. Ugh, Mom, can you please not

169. bring teachers into the basement?

170. Pretend this is my apartment.

171. Yeah, how about we pretend and you pay me rent?

172. Just leave.

173. Dude, don't take it personal.

174. Fricking hormones.

175. Josh, shut up.

176. Shut up.

177. Paint.

178. And that's the first turnover

179. by the Saints in this game.

180. It could not have come at a worse time.

181. This 57-yard field goal try...

182. God, please, I will do anything for you

183. if you let the Rams win.

184. You're better off praying to the devil.

185. God's team is the Saints.

186. Quiet, everybody.

187. And they're coming out of the huddle to the line.

188. Maybe it's a bad snap. The kick is up.

189. Holy crap.

190. It's good!

191. Oh, yeah!

192. - Freaking kidding me. - Yes!

193. - Come on! - I am blessed!

194. - Are you serious? - Whoo!

195. Aaaah! We won, baby girl!

196. I'm getting a bird!

197. Yes, baby girl! Touchdown!

198. We won! Touchdown! Come here!

199. I'm gonna throw you to the moon.

200. Aaah! Yes!

201. Hello?

202. Buddy, I got good news.

203. We got multiple offers.

204. Oh, your boy has done you right.

205. That's great.

206. This house is really special, Joe.

207. You the G.

208. I'll call you later with updates.

209. Thanks, Brad.

210. Birds, birds, birds, birds, birds, birds, birds!

211. Come on. Birds, birds, birds, birds!

212. Come on. What's the matter with you?

213. I just got an offer on my Nana's house.

214. Hey, awesome sauce.

215. I-I-I can't — don't — dude, don't —

216. Don't ruin my gambling high, okay?

217. So if you want to talk to Sue, go ahead about that.

218. But you know, I'm — I'm sorry.

219. It's okay.

220. Hey, go inside.

221. Ugh.

222. Yeah, can ask I you a serious question?

223. Sure.

224. Could you help me catch one of those, uh...

225. What are they called? The all black birds?

226. A crow?

227. Yeah, that or what's the other one?

228. It's like a combination of two birds

229. and it, like, circles around and it eats roadkill.

230. What's it called?

231. A turkey vulture?

232. Yeah, yeah.