Joe Pera Talks With You 2x2

Directed by

Deanna Reed-Foster as Principal Neiman

Joe Pera demonstrates the difference between hiking and just walking outside by using one's legs to go up Sugarloaf Mountain to celebrate the last day of school.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. This is a sugar loaf.

2. Up until the late 19th century,

3. sugar was primarily sold in a form of solid cone,

4. and a pair of special pincers called sugar nips

5. would be used to break off pieces into cups of tea

6. and the mouths of unsupervised children.

7. Sugar loaves are less common today,

8. having been replaced by granules and cubes.

9. But due to its distinctive shape,

10. the sugar loaf legacy lives on

11. in the mountains around the world that bear its name.

12. Hello.

13. My name is Joe Pera.

14. Today was the final day of school.

15. And what sweeter way to celebrate

16. than with a hike up Sugarloaf Mountain?

17. It's not the Sugarloaf Mountain with ski lifts in Maine

18. or the Sugarloaf Mountain in Rio de Janeiro,

19. featured in James Bond "Moonraker."

20. Instead, the Sugarloaf Mountain in Marquette County,

21. just six miles from my front door.

22. Hiking combines the beauty of walking

23. with the beauty of nature.

24. And other than leave no trace and stay alive,

25. there are no real rules.

26. Plus the abundance of fresh air straight from the trees

27. has a way of releasing stress.

28. You'd hardly know that just 30 minutes ago,

29. I was experiencing intense emotional pressure

30. I can only describe as DEFCON One.

31. Can you pull over?

32. You feeling okay?

33. I don't want to hide it anymore.

34. The longer you keep something inside,

35. the harder it is to contain.

36. The pressure was building,

37. and I felt like I had to release it somehow.

38. This weekend I think we're gonna bust out the grill,

39. maybe try grilling some corn or something.

40. I don't know. It might be fun.

41. And then next week we're gonna go take selfies

42. at Wrigley Field.

43. And then we're going to stay home the rest of the summer.

44. You all right, Joe?

45. Yeah. I bet you are.

46. All right, everyone.

47. All right, everyone, quiet down.

48. As we close the book on another outstanding school year,

49. I'd like to express once again how grateful I am.

50. You make Little Deer Middle School

51. the special place it is

52. and are a constant source of inspiration.

53. There were hardly any staff-related incidents

54. this year, so kudos.

55. Haven't seen a kudos burn in a minute.

56. Oh. One quick reminder before we start break —

57. you are still teachers during the summer.

58. Don't drink too much in public.

59. That said, we can still all have fun tonight at the happy hour.

60. Any final thoughts?

61. I have something I'd like to announce.

62. Yes, Joe.

63. We all have lives outside of school,

64. and there's something I'd like to share.

65. I'm growing a bean arch, so if anyone wants beans

66. 58, 59 days from now, just let me know.

67. Yeah, Joe, sounds like you're already sharing

68. a string bean wiener.

69. John, what are you doing?

70. It's just a joke.

71. It's not funny.

72. My bad.

73. Yeah, it's your bad, all right.

74. Do you want your job, John?

75. I don't want to hide it either.

76. But with the students' respect and teachers like John,

77. you know the consequences of dating another teacher.

78. You know it just makes everybody aware of —

79. You don't — It'd be like...

80. Whenever I see an empty baseball diamond,

81. I feel the need to run its bases.

82. It's a deep-seated compulsion I can't often give into

83. because I am an adult.

84. But it makes summers tough

85. because diamonds are mostly empty these days.

86. Have you tried it?

87. There's a real sense of freedom when you do it on your own.

88. No pressure to hit the ball.

89. No baseman to tag you out.

90. If you are an anarchist,

91. you don't even need to touch the base.

92. But you'd miss out on leaving your footprint

93. on that dusty white bag.

94. 18 years ago, I broke a baseball record

95. when I became the first kid in the Upper Peninsula

96. to get banned from Little League.

97. In my last at-bat of the season,

98. I was down two strikes, looking for a home run.

99. Nutty, because I hadn't gotten a hit all season.

100. That I wanted to go around so bad

101. that when the opportunity came,

102. I decided to steal first base.

103. Once I hit first, I had to steal second.

104. Then at second, third was just around the corner.

105. By the time I got to third, nothing could stop me.

106. It felt so good.

107. Even though I accumulated 17 outs in a single at-bat,

108. I got my home run, and I did it on my own terms.

109. Today, I follow rules because I am afraid of jail.

110. But I suppose I still run the bases as an adult

111. to relive sense of liberation I felt as a kid.

112. I know it sounds childish,

113. but it feels so good to get that off my chest.

114. I guess I was still embarrassed from when Coach Hazler

115. had me turn in my cap and uniform.

116. It takes guts for you to tell me that.

117. And I don't fully understand it, but I can respect it.

118. Every time we've driven by a diamond, I've held it in.

119. Can I share something with you?

120. Sure.

121. I've dated men from each branch of the U.S. military

122. and I still keep in touch with two of them.

123. Okay.

124. We're friends, but it's primarily for intelligence.

125. Makes sense.

126. Can I tell you something else?

127. Yeah.

128. Opening up to Sarah in that moment

129. got her opening up to me,

130. and we started sharing our secret lives with each other.

131. I put prohibited items in my airplane carry-on.

132. I slap my hands on my pants

133. when the ice cream store is closed.

134. I get anxious when I stay at your house

135. because I'm away from my basement.

136. Before last month, I hadn't told someone I loved them

137. since high school.

138. It takes me years to trust someone

139. and seconds to untrust.

140. I wish this weren't true.

141. Oh.

142. Come on.

143. I feel like shoplifting a few home runs.

144. You're a toe runner?

145. Yeah.

146. I didn't know that.

147. You don't run on your toes?

148. No.

149. That's how I get my speed.

150. Come on. Keep up!

151. I can't wait to tell all the other teachers.

152. Keep up!

153. And just like that, it was —

154. I don't know, comfortable.

155. Hurry up, Joe.

156. Okay.

157. I hope we're not too late for the karaoke.

158. Wait.

159. You forgot something.

160. What's that?

161. Really?

162. Really, really.

163. All right.

164. You sure? Yeah.

165. Are you sure?

166. I think so.

167. I am. Okay.

168. Hey, Joe, Sarah. Glad you could make it.

169. Principal Neiman, I want you to know that Sarah and I are dating

170. and have been for the past four months.

171. Everyone already knows.

172. You two are cute.

173. You go together like desk and chair.

174. Ah. By the way, there are some phenomenal

175. mozzarella sticks at the bar.

176. Help yourself. I'm going to track down some marinara.

177. Good luck.

178. Yeah! Awesome.

179. Whoo! It's Joe.

180. Yeah. What's up, man?

181. Where you been? Working on your bean arch?

182. Yeah.

183. Yeah? You been growing a big bean?

184. Hopefully. Growing a big bean in your pants.

185. I'm just kidding. You know what I'm saying?

186. Planting seeds, though, right?

187. Yeah, actually.

188. I usually plant them all over town.

189. You know what I mean. You know what I mean.

190. Yeah. Don't give me that look. You know exactly what I mean.

191. Yeah. Everybody knows what that means.

192. Everybody in this bar knows what that means.

193. Do we really have to go to happy hour tonight?

194. I think it'll be fun.

195. Okay. Okay.