1. Ooh, smell that air!Copy !req
2. Grass and lemonade
and a little bit of mint,Copy !req
3. a hint of mint,
must be the 1920s.Copy !req
4. You can tell what year
it is just by smelling?Copy !req
5. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
6. Or maybe that big vintage car
coming up the drive gave it away.Copy !req
7. The professor's luggage,
Richard, step lively.Copy !req
8. - Good afternoon, Professor Peach.
- Hello, Greeves old man.Copy !req
9. - Ah... Reverend!
- Professor Peach!Copy !req
10. Beautiful day. The Lord's in his heaven,
all's right with the world.Copy !req
11. Reverend Golightly.Copy !req
12. Lady Eddison requests that you make
yourselves comfortable in your rooms.Copy !req
13. Cocktails will be served on
the lawn from half past four.Copy !req
14. You go on up. I need to
check something in the library.Copy !req
15. - Alone.
- It's supposed to be a party.Copy !req
16. All this work,
it'll be the death of you!Copy !req
17. Never mind Planet Zog.Copy !req
18. A party in the 1920s,
that's more like it!Copy !req
19. Trouble is...
we haven't been invited.Copy !req
20. Oh, I forgot,
yes, we have!Copy !req
21. I was right.Copy !req
22. Kept secret all these years...Copy !req
23. It's unbelievable!Copy !req
24. But why didn't they ask...?Copy !req
25. Heavens!Copy !req
26. Oh, it's you.Copy !req
27. I was just doing
a little research...Copy !req
28. I say, what are you doing
with that lead piping?Copy !req
29. But that's impossible!Copy !req
30. English Subs: SanjuCopy !req
31. We'll be late for cocktails!Copy !req
32. What d'you think?Copy !req
33. Flapper or slapper?Copy !req
34. Flapper.
You look lovely!Copy !req
35. Look sharp,
we have guests!Copy !req
36. Good afternoon!Copy !req
37. Drinks, sir? Ma'am?Copy !req
38. Sidecar, please.Copy !req
39. And a lime and soda, thank you.Copy !req
40. May I announce
Lady Clemency Eddison!Copy !req
41. Lady Eddison!Copy !req
42. Forgive me,
but who exactly might you beCopy !req
43. - and what are you doing here?
- I'm the Doctor,Copy !req
44. and this is Miss Donna Noble,
of the Chiswick Nobles.Copy !req
45. Good afternoon, my lady.Copy !req
46. Topping day, what?Copy !req
47. - Spiffing! Top hole!
- No, no, no, no. No.Copy !req
48. Don't do that, don't.Copy !req
49. We were thrilled to receive
your invitation, my lady.Copy !req
50. We met at the
Ambassador's reception.Copy !req
51. Doctor,
how could I forget you?Copy !req
52. But one must be sure with
the Unicorn on the loose.Copy !req
53. A unicorn? Brilliant!
Where?Copy !req
54. The Unicorn.
The jewel thief.Copy !req
55. Nobody knows who he is.Copy !req
56. He's just struck again,Copy !req
57. snatched Lady Babbington's pearls
right from under her nose.Copy !req
58. Funny place to wear pearls.Copy !req
59. May I announce the Colonel Hugh Curbishley,
the Honourable Roger Curbishley.Copy !req
60. My husbandCopy !req
61. and my son.Copy !req
62. Forgive me for not rising.Copy !req
63. Never been the same ever
since that flu epidemic back in '18.Copy !req
64. My word, you are a super lady.Copy !req
65. Oh, I like the cut of your jib.
Chin, chin.Copy !req
66. Hello, I'm the Doctor.Copy !req
67. - How do you do?
- Very well.Copy !req
68. - Your usual, sir?
- Ah, thank you, Davenport.Copy !req
69. Just how I like it.Copy !req
70. How come she's an Eddison, but
her husband and son are Curbishleys?Copy !req
71. The Eddison title ascends through her.Copy !req
72. One day Roger will be a lord.Copy !req
73. Miss Robina Redmond!Copy !req
74. She's the absolute hit
of the social scene.Copy !req
75. A must!Copy !req
76. - Miss Redmond!
- Spiffing to meet you at last, my lady!Copy !req
77. - What super fun!
- Reverend Arnold Golightly!Copy !req
78. Reverend, how are you?Copy !req
79. I heard about the church
last Thursday night.Copy !req
80. Those ruffians breaking in.Copy !req
81. You apprehended them, I hear.Copy !req
82. As the Christian Fathers
taught me,Copy !req
83. we must forgive them
their trespasses,Copy !req
84. quite literally.Copy !req
85. Some of these young boys
deserve a decent thrashing.Copy !req
86. Couldn't agree more, sir.Copy !req
87. Typical.Copy !req
88. All the decent men
are on the other bus.Copy !req
89. Or Time Lords.Copy !req
90. Now, milady, what about this
special guest you promised us?Copy !req
91. Here she is!Copy !req
92. A lady who needs no introduction.Copy !req
93. Oh, no, please don't.Copy !req
94. Thank you, Lady Eddison.
Honestly, there's no need.Copy !req
95. Agatha Christie.Copy !req
96. - What about her?
- That's me.Copy !req
97. No!Copy !req
98. You're kidding!Copy !req
99. Agatha Christie! I was just
talking about you the other day.Copy !req
100. I said, I bet she's brilliant!Copy !req
101. I'm the Doctor,
this is Donna.Copy !req
102. Oh! I love your stuff!
What a mind!Copy !req
103. You fool me every time,
well, almost every time.Copy !req
104. Well, once or twice.Copy !req
105. Well, once.
But it was a good once!Copy !req
106. You make a rather unusual couple.Copy !req
107. - No, we're not married!
- We're not a couple!Copy !req
108. Obviously not.Copy !req
109. No wedding ring.Copy !req
110. - Oh, you don't miss a trick.
- And I'd stay that way, if I were you.Copy !req
111. The thrill is in the chase,
never in the capture.Copy !req
112. Mrs Christie!
I'm so glad you could come,Copy !req
113. I'm one of your greatest followers.Copy !req
114. I've read all six of your books!Copy !req
115. Is Mr. Christie not joining us?Copy !req
116. Is he needed?Copy !req
117. Can't a woman make
her own way in the world?Copy !req
118. Don't give my wife ideas!Copy !req
119. Now, Mrs Christie, I've a question.Copy !req
120. Why a Belgian detective?Copy !req
121. Belgians make such lovely buns!Copy !req
122. I say,
where on earth's Professor Peach?Copy !req
123. He'd love to meet Mrs Christie.Copy !req
124. Said he was going to the library.Copy !req
125. Miss Chandrakala.
Would you go and collect the Professor?Copy !req
126. At once, my lady.Copy !req
127. The date on this newspaper.Copy !req
128. What about it?Copy !req
129. It's the day
Agatha Christie disappeared.Copy !req
130. Professor Peach!Copy !req
131. Professor?Copy !req
132. She'd just discovered
her husband was having an affair.Copy !req
133. You'd never think to look at her.Copy !req
134. - Smiling away.
- Well.Copy !req
135. She's British and moneyed.Copy !req
136. That's what they do,
they carry on.Copy !req
137. Except for this one time.Copy !req
138. No-one knows exactly
what happened, she just vanished.Copy !req
139. Her car will be found
by the side of a lake.Copy !req
140. Ten days later, Agatha Christie
turns up in a hotel in Harrogate.Copy !req
141. Said she'd lost her memory.Copy !req
142. She never spoke about the disappearance,
till the day she died.Copy !req
143. But whatever it was...Copy !req
144. It's about to happen.Copy !req
145. Right here, right now.Copy !req
146. Professor...
The library!Copy !req
147. Murder! Murder!Copy !req
148. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
149. Bashed on the head.
A blunt instrument.Copy !req
150. Watch broke as he fell,
time of death was a quarter past four.Copy !req
151. Bit of pipe.Copy !req
152. Call me Hercule Poirot,
but I reckon that's blunt enough.Copy !req
153. Nothing worth killing for in that lot.
Dry as dust.Copy !req
154. Hold on.
The body in the library?Copy !req
155. I mean, Professor Peach, in the library,
with the lead piping?Copy !req
156. - Let me see.
- Out of my way!Copy !req
157. - Gerald!
- Saints preserve us!Copy !req
158. - Oh, how awful!
- Someone should call the police.Copy !req
159. No need.Copy !req
160. Chief Inspector Smith,
known as 'the Doctor'.Copy !req
161. Miss Noble's the plucky young
girl who helps me out.Copy !req
162. - I say!
- Mrs Christie was right.Copy !req
163. Go into the sitting room.
I will question each of you in turn.Copy !req
164. Come along.
Do as the Doctor says,Copy !req
165. leave the room undisturbed.Copy !req
166. "The plucky young girl
who helps me out?"Copy !req
167. No policewomen in 1926.Copy !req
168. I'll pluck you in a minute.
Why don't we phone the real police?Copy !req
169. Well, the last thing we want
is PC Plod sticking his nose in.Copy !req
170. Especially...Copy !req
171. now I've found this.Copy !req
172. Morphic residue.Copy !req
173. Morphic?
Doesn't sound very 1926.Copy !req
174. Gets left behind when certain
species genetically re-encode.Copy !req
175. The murderer's an alien?Copy !req
176. Which means one of that lot
is an alien in human form.Copy !req
177. Yeah, but think about it.Copy !req
178. There's a murder, a mystery,
and Agatha Christie.Copy !req
179. So? Happens to me all the time.Copy !req
180. No, but isn't that a bit weird?Copy !req
181. Agatha Christie didn't walk around
surrounded by murders.Copy !req
182. Not really.Copy !req
183. I mean, that's like meeting Charles Dickens
and he's surrounded by ghosts,Copy !req
184. at Christmas.Copy !req
185. - Well...
- Oh, come on!Copy !req
186. It's not like we could drive across country
and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy.Copy !req
187. Could we?
Noddy's not real.Copy !req
188. Is he?
Tell me there's no Noddy.Copy !req
189. There's no Noddy.Copy !req
190. Next thing you know, you'll be telling me
it's like Murder on The Orient Express,Copy !req
191. and they all did it!Copy !req
192. - Murder on the Orient Express?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
193. One of your best!Copy !req
194. But not yet.Copy !req
195. - Marvellous idea though.
- Yeah.Copy !req
196. Tell you what,
copyright Donna Noble, okay?Copy !req
197. Anyway! Agatha and I
will question the suspects,Copy !req
198. Donna, you search the bedrooms.
Look for clues.Copy !req
199. Any more residue.
You'll need this.Copy !req
200. - Is that for real?
- Go on.Copy !req
201. You're ever so plucky.Copy !req
202. Right then!Copy !req
203. Solving a murder mystery
with Agatha Christie, brilliant!Copy !req
204. How like a man to have fun,
while there's disaster all around him.Copy !req
205. Sorry, yeah.Copy !req
206. I'll work with you, gladly.Copy !req
207. But for the sake of justice.
Not your own amusement.Copy !req
208. Now then, Reverend.Copy !req
209. Where were you at a quarter past four?Copy !req
210. Let me think.Copy !req
211. Why yes, I remember.Copy !req
212. I was unpacking in my room.Copy !req
213. No alibi then.Copy !req
214. You were alone?Copy !req
215. With the Lord one
is never truly alone.Copy !req
216. And where were you?Copy !req
217. Let me think... I was...Copy !req
218. Oh, yes, I was taking a constitutional,
in the fields behind the house.Copy !req
219. Just taking a stroll, that's all.Copy !req
220. - Alone?
- Oh, yes, all alone.Copy !req
221. Totally alone!
Absolutely alone.Copy !req
222. Completely, all of the time.Copy !req
223. I wandered lonely as
the proverbial cloud,Copy !req
224. there was no-one else
with me not at all.Copy !req
225. Not ever!Copy !req
226. And where were you?Copy !req
227. At a quarter past four?Copy !req
228. Well, I went to the toilet
when I arrived, and then erm...Copy !req
229. Oh, yes, I remember.Copy !req
230. I was preparing myself,Copy !req
231. positively buzzing with
excitement about the party...Copy !req
232. and the super fun
of meeting Lady Eddy.Copy !req
233. - We've only got your word for it.
- That's your problem. Not mine.Copy !req
234. And where were you, sir?Copy !req
235. Quarter past four?
Dear me, let me think...Copy !req
236. Ah, yes, I remember...Copy !req
237. I was in me study reading
through military memoirs.Copy !req
238. Fascinating stuff.Copy !req
239. Took me back to
my days in the army.Copy !req
240. Started reminiscing...Copy !req
241. Mafeking, you know...Copy !req
242. Terrible war.Copy !req
243. Colonel, snap out of it!Copy !req
244. - I was in my study...
- No no no.Copy !req
245. - Right out of it!
- Oh, sorry.Copy !req
246. Got a bit carried away there.Copy !req
247. And where were you
at a quarter past four, my lady?Copy !req
248. Now let me see...Copy !req
249. Yes, I remember.Copy !req
250. I was sitting in the Blue Room,
taking my afternoon tea.Copy !req
251. It's a ritual of mine,Copy !req
252. I needed to gather strength
for the duty of hostess.Copy !req
253. I then proceeded to the lawnCopy !req
254. where I met you, Doctor.
And I said,Copy !req
255. "And who exactly might you be
and what are you doing here?"Copy !req
256. And you said, "I'm the DoctorCopy !req
257. and this is Miss Donna Noble."Copy !req
258. Yes, yes, you can stop now,Copy !req
259. I was there for that bit.Copy !req
260. Of course.Copy !req
261. Excuse me.Copy !req
262. No alibis for any of them.Copy !req
263. The secret adversary remains hidden!Copy !req
264. We must look for a motive,Copy !req
265. use "the little grey cells".Copy !req
266. Oh, yes, little grey cells,Copy !req
267. good old Poirot.Copy !req
268. Do you know,
I've been to Belgium, yeah.Copy !req
269. I remember...Copy !req
270. I was deep in the Ardennes,
trying to find Charlemagne.Copy !req
271. He'd been kidnapped
by an insane computer.Copy !req
272. Doctor!Copy !req
273. Sorry.Copy !req
274. Charlemagne lived centuries ago.Copy !req
275. I've got a very good memory.Copy !req
276. For such an experienced detective,
you missed a big clue.Copy !req
277. That bit of paper on the fire?Copy !req
278. You were looking the other way!Copy !req
279. Yeah, but I saw your reflection.Copy !req
280. You crafty man,Copy !req
281. and this is all that was left.Copy !req
282. What's that first letter?
N or M?Copy !req
283. It's an M.
The word is maiden.Copy !req
284. MAIDEN!Copy !req
285. What does that mean?Copy !req
286. We're still no further forward.Copy !req
287. Our nemesis remains at large.Copy !req
288. Unless Miss Noble's found something.Copy !req
289. You won't find anything in there.Copy !req
290. - How come it's locked?
- Lady Eddison commands it to be so.Copy !req
291. And I 'command it' to be otherwise.Copy !req
292. Scotland Yard, pip-pip.Copy !req
293. Why's it locked in the first place?Copy !req
294. Many years ago,
when my father was butler to the family,Copy !req
295. Lady Eddison returned
from India with malaria.Copy !req
296. She locked herself in this room
for six months until she recovered.Copy !req
297. Since then,
the room has remained undisturbed.Copy !req
298. There's nothing in here.Copy !req
299. How long's it been empty?Copy !req
300. Forty years.Copy !req
301. Why would she seal it off?Copy !req
302. All right,
I need to investigate, you just...Copy !req
303. buttle off.Copy !req
304. 1926, they've still got bees...Copy !req
305. Oh, what a noise!
All right, busy bee, I'll let you out.Copy !req
306. Hold on.Copy !req
307. I shall find you
with my amazing powers of detection.Copy !req
308. That's impossible!Copy !req
309. Doctor!Copy !req
310. Doctor!Copy !req
311. It's a giant wasp!Copy !req
312. What d'you mean,
a giant wasp?Copy !req
313. I mean a wasp that's giant!Copy !req
314. It's only a silly little insect.Copy !req
315. When I say giant,Copy !req
316. I don't mean big!Copy !req
317. I mean flippin' enormous!Copy !req
318. Look at its sting!Copy !req
319. Let me see.Copy !req
320. It's gone.Copy !req
321. Buzzed off.Copy !req
322. But that's fascinating...Copy !req
323. D-D-D-on't touch it!Copy !req
324. Don't touch it!
Let me...Copy !req
325. Giant wasp...Copy !req
326. Well, tons of amorphous
insectivorous lifeforms,Copy !req
327. but none in this galactic vector.Copy !req
328. I think I understood
some of those words.Copy !req
329. Enough to know
that you're completely potty.Copy !req
330. Lost its sting though,
that makes it defenceless.Copy !req
331. Creature this size,
got to be able to grow a new one.Copy !req
332. Can we return to sanity?Copy !req
333. There are no such things
as giant wasps!Copy !req
334. Exactly. So the question is...Copy !req
335. what's it doing here?Copy !req
336. A murder! That's put the cat among
the pigeons, and no mistake!Copy !req
337. It's not the stuff of gossip,
Mrs Hart.Copy !req
338. Continue with your work.Copy !req
339. But who'd want to do
in the old Professor?Copy !req
340. He was always asking questions about that
book of his, what was all that about?Copy !req
341. A dead man's folly, nothing more.Copy !req
342. Though perhaps, if he asked about...Copy !req
343. I must go and see mylady.Copy !req
344. The poor little child...Copy !req
345. There!Copy !req
346. Come on!Copy !req
347. Hey, this makes a change...Copy !req
348. there's a monster,
and we're chasing it.Copy !req
349. Can't be a monster!
It's a trick.Copy !req
350. They do it with mirrors!Copy !req
351. By all that's holy!Copy !req
352. Oh, but you are wonderful!Copy !req
353. Now just stop, stop there...Copy !req
354. Oi! Fly boy!Copy !req
355. Don't let it get away!Copy !req
356. Quick, before it reverts
back to human form.Copy !req
357. Where are you?
Come on!Copy !req
358. There's nowhere to run!
Show yourself!Copy !req
359. That's just cheating!Copy !req
360. My faithful companion.
This is terrible.Copy !req
361. Excuse me, my lady, but... She was on
her way to tell you something.Copy !req
362. She never found me.Copy !req
363. She had an appointment
with death instead.Copy !req
364. She said, "The poor little child."Copy !req
365. Does that mean anything to anyone?Copy !req
366. No children in this house for years.Copy !req
367. Highly unlikely there will be.Copy !req
368. Mrs Christie,
you must have twigged something!Copy !req
369. You've written simply
the best detective stories.Copy !req
370. Tell us,
what would Poirot do?Copy !req
371. Heaven's sake,
cards on the table woman!Copy !req
372. You should be helping us!Copy !req
373. But...Copy !req
374. I'm merely a writer.Copy !req
375. Surely you can crack it.Copy !req
376. These events, they're exactly
like one of your plots.Copy !req
377. That's what I've been saying!
Agatha, that's gotta mean something.Copy !req
378. But what?Copy !req
379. I've no answers. None.Copy !req
380. I'm sorry, all of you,
I'm truly sorry.Copy !req
381. But I've failed.Copy !req
382. If anyone can help us,
then it's the Doctor, not me.Copy !req
383. Do you know what I think?Copy !req
384. Those books of yours.Copy !req
385. One day,
they could turn them into films!Copy !req
386. They could be talking pictures!Copy !req
387. Talking pictures?Copy !req
388. Pictures that talk?
What do you mean?Copy !req
389. Oh, blimey,
I've done it again.Copy !req
390. I appreciate you trying to be kind.Copy !req
391. But you're right.Copy !req
392. These murders are like
my own creations.Copy !req
393. It's as though someone's mocking me.Copy !req
394. And I've had enough
scorn for one lifetime.Copy !req
395. Yeah...Copy !req
396. Thing is, I had this bloke once.Copy !req
397. I was engaged,
and I loved him, I really did.Copy !req
398. Turns out,
he was lying through his teeth.Copy !req
399. But d'you know what?
I moved on.Copy !req
400. I was lucky,
I found the Doctor.Copy !req
401. It's changed my life.Copy !req
402. There's always someone else.Copy !req
403. I see.Copy !req
404. Is my marriage
the stuff of gossip, now?Copy !req
405. No, I just...Copy !req
406. Sorry.Copy !req
407. No matter.Copy !req
408. The stories are true.Copy !req
409. I found my husband
with another woman.Copy !req
410. A younger, prettier woman.
Isn't it always the way?Copy !req
411. Well, mine was with a Giant Spider...Copy !req
412. but same difference.Copy !req
413. You and the Doctor talk
such wonderful nonsense.Copy !req
414. Agatha, people love your books,
they really do.Copy !req
415. They're gonna be reading them
for years to come.Copy !req
416. If only. Try as I might,
it's hardly great literature.Copy !req
417. Now that's beyond me.Copy !req
418. I'm afraid my books
will be forgotten...Copy !req
419. like ephemera.Copy !req
420. Hello, what's that?Copy !req
421. Those flower beds
were perfectly neat earlier.Copy !req
422. Now some of the stalks
are bent over.Copy !req
423. There you go!Copy !req
424. Who'd ever notice that?Copy !req
425. You're brilliant!Copy !req
426. Oh, someone came here tooled up.Copy !req
427. The sort of stuff a thief would use.Copy !req
428. The Unicorn?
He's here!Copy !req
429. The Unicorn and the wasp...Copy !req
430. Your drinks, ladies. Doctor.Copy !req
431. Very good, Greeves.Copy !req
432. How about the science stuff?
What did you find?Copy !req
433. Vespiform sting.Copy !req
434. Vespiforms have got hives
in the Silfrax galaxy.Copy !req
435. Again, you talk like Edward Lear.Copy !req
436. But for some reason, this one's behaving
like a character in one of your books.Copy !req
437. Come on, Agatha,
what would Miss Marple do?Copy !req
438. She'd have overheard something vitalCopy !req
439. because the murderer thinks
she's a harmless old lady.Copy !req
440. Clever idea.Copy !req
441. Miss Marple?
Who writes those?Copy !req
442. Um... Copyright Donna Noble,
add it to the list.Copy !req
443. - Donna...
- Okay, we could split the copyright.Copy !req
444. No.Copy !req
445. Something's inhibiting my enzymes.Copy !req
446. Ah! I've been poisoned!Copy !req
447. What do we do?Copy !req
448. What do we do?Copy !req
449. Bitter almonds!
It's cyanide!Copy !req
450. Sparkling cyanide!Copy !req
451. - Ginger beer!
- I beg your pardon?Copy !req
452. I need ginger beer!Copy !req
453. The gentleman's gone mad!Copy !req
454. I'm an expert in poisons, Doctor.
There's no cure!Copy !req
455. It's fatal!Copy !req
456. Not for me! I can stimulate
the inhibited enzymes into reversal...Copy !req
457. Protein! I need protein!Copy !req
458. - Walnuts?
- Brilliant!Copy !req
459. I can't understand you!
How many words?Copy !req
460. One! One word!Copy !req
461. Shake, milk shake, milk?Copy !req
462. Milk? No, not milk?Copy !req
463. Hum! Shake shake shake...Copy !req
464. Cocktail shaker! What do you want,
a Harvey Wallbanger?Copy !req
465. - Harvey Wallbanger?
- Well, I don't know!Copy !req
466. How is Harvey Wallbanger one word?Copy !req
467. What do you need, Doctor?Copy !req
468. Salt, I was miming salt!
Salt! I need something salty!Copy !req
469. What about this?Copy !req
470. What is it? Salt! That's too salty!Copy !req
471. Oh, that's too salty!Copy !req
472. What about this?Copy !req
473. - What's that?
- Anchovies!Copy !req
474. What is it? What else?Copy !req
475. It's a song? Mammy?Copy !req
476. - I don't know, Camptown Races?
- Camptown Races?Copy !req
477. All right then, Towering Inferno!Copy !req
478. It's a shock! Look!
Shock! I need a shock!Copy !req
479. Right then.Copy !req
480. Big shock coming up.Copy !req
481. Detox!Copy !req
482. I must do that more often!Copy !req
483. I mean the detox.Copy !req
484. Doctor, you are impossible!Copy !req
485. Who are you?Copy !req
486. A terrible day for all of us.Copy !req
487. The Professor struck down.Copy !req
488. Miss Chandrakala,
cruelly taken from us.Copy !req
489. And yet, we still take dinner.Copy !req
490. We are British, Doctor.Copy !req
491. What else must we do?Copy !req
492. Then, someone tried to poison me.Copy !req
493. Any one of you had the chance
to put cyanide in my drink.Copy !req
494. But it rather gave me an idea.Copy !req
495. - And what would that be?
- Well.Copy !req
496. Poison.Copy !req
497. Drink up!Copy !req
498. I've laced the soup with pepper.Copy !req
499. Ah, I thought it was jolly spicy.Copy !req
500. But the active ingredient
of pepper...Copy !req
501. is piperine.Copy !req
502. Traditionally used as an insecticide.Copy !req
503. So... Anyone got the shivers?Copy !req
504. - What the deuce is that?
- Listen! Listen! Listen!Copy !req
505. No, it can't be...Copy !req
506. Show yourself, demon!Copy !req
507. No, don't...Copy !req
508. Dont! Dont, stay where you are!Copy !req
509. Out, out, out!Copy !req
510. Not you, Agatha.
You've got a long life to lead yet.Copy !req
511. Well, we know
the butler didn't do it!Copy !req
512. Then, who did?Copy !req
513. My jewellery.Copy !req
514. The Firestone, it's gone!Copy !req
515. Stolen!Copy !req
516. Roger.Copy !req
517. My son. My child!Copy !req
518. That poor footman.Copy !req
519. Roger's dead and
he can't even mourn him.Copy !req
520. 1926, it's more like the Dark Ages.Copy !req
521. Did you enquire after the necklace?Copy !req
522. Lady Eddison brought it
back from India.Copy !req
523. It's worth thousands.Copy !req
524. This thing can sting, it can fly,Copy !req
525. it could wipe us all out in seconds.
Why's it playing this game?Copy !req
526. Every murder is essentially the same.Copy !req
527. They are committed because
somebody wants something.Copy !req
528. - But, what does a Vespiform want?
- Doctor, stop it.Copy !req
529. The murderer is as
human as you or I.Copy !req
530. You're right...Copy !req
531. I've been so caught up with
Giant Wasps, I've forgotten.Copy !req
532. - You're the expert!
- I'm not, I've told you.Copy !req
533. I'm just a purveyor of nonsense.Copy !req
534. No, no, no, cos plenty of people
write detective stories,Copy !req
535. but yours are the best, and why?Copy !req
536. Why are you so good, Agatha Christie?Copy !req
537. Because you understand!Copy !req
538. You've lived, you've fought,
you've had your heart broken.Copy !req
539. You know about people,Copy !req
540. their passions, their hope
and despair and anger,Copy !req
541. all of those tiny, huge thingsCopy !req
542. that can turn the
most ordinary person into a killer.Copy !req
543. Just think, Agatha!Copy !req
544. If anyone can solve this,Copy !req
545. it's you!Copy !req
546. I've called you here,
on this endless night,Copy !req
547. because we have a
murderer in our midst.Copy !req
548. And when it comes to detection,
there's none finer.Copy !req
549. Ladies and gentlemen.
I give you... Agatha Christie.Copy !req
550. This is a crooked house.Copy !req
551. A house of secrets.Copy !req
552. To understand the solution
we must examine them all.Copy !req
553. Starting with you,Copy !req
554. Miss Redmond.Copy !req
555. But I'm innocent, surely?Copy !req
556. You've never met these people.Copy !req
557. And these people had never met you!Copy !req
558. I think the real
Robina Redmond never left London.Copy !req
559. - You're impersonating her!
- How silly!Copy !req
560. What proof do you have?Copy !req
561. You said you'd been to the toilet.Copy !req
562. Oh, I know this!
If she was really posh, she'd say loo.Copy !req
563. Earlier today, Miss Noble and
I found this on the lawn.Copy !req
564. Right beneath your bathroom window.Copy !req
565. You heard Miss Noble was searching
the bedrooms and panicked.Copy !req
566. You ran upstairs and
disposed of the evidence...Copy !req
567. I've never seen
that thing before in my life!Copy !req
568. What's inside it?Copy !req
569. The tools of your trade,
Miss Redmond.Copy !req
570. Or should I say...Copy !req
571. the Unicorn!Copy !req
572. You came to this house
with one sole intention.Copy !req
573. To steal the Firestone!Copy !req
574. Oh, all right then.Copy !req
575. It's a fair cop.Copy !req
576. Yes, I'm the bleedin' Unicorn!Copy !req
577. Ever so nice to meet ya,I don't fink.Copy !req
578. I took my chance in the dark,
and nabbed it.Copy !req
579. Well, go on then, you knobs.Copy !req
580. Arrest me.Copy !req
581. Sling me in jail!Copy !req
582. So, is she the murderer?Copy !req
583. Don't be so thick!Copy !req
584. I might be a thief,
but I ain't no killer.Copy !req
585. Quite.Copy !req
586. There are darker motives at work.Copy !req
587. And in examining this household,
we come to you...Copy !req
588. Colonel!Copy !req
589. Damn it, woman!Copy !req
590. You with your perspicacity!Copy !req
591. You've rumbled me!Copy !req
592. Hugh! You can walk!Copy !req
593. But why?Copy !req
594. My darling,Copy !req
595. how else could I be certain
of keeping you by my side?Copy !req
596. - I don't understand.
- You're still a beautiful woman, Clemency.Copy !req
597. Sooner or later some chap
will turn your head.Copy !req
598. I couldn't bear that.Copy !req
599. Staying in the chairCopy !req
600. was the only way
I could be certain of keeping you.Copy !req
601. Confound it, Mrs Christie,Copy !req
602. how did you discover the truth?Copy !req
603. Actually, I had no idea.Copy !req
604. I was just going to say
you're completely innocent.Copy !req
605. Sorry.Copy !req
606. - Shall I sit down then?
- I think you better had.Copy !req
607. - So, he's not the murderer?
- Indeed not.Copy !req
608. To find the truth,Copy !req
609. let's return...Copy !req
610. to this.Copy !req
611. Far more than the Unicorn's
object of desire.Copy !req
612. The Firestone has quite a history.Copy !req
613. - Lady Eddison...
- I've done nothing!Copy !req
614. You brought it back from India,
did you not?Copy !req
615. Before you met the Colonel.Copy !req
616. You came home with malaria,Copy !req
617. and confined yourself to
this house for six months,Copy !req
618. in a room that has been
kept locked ever since.Copy !req
619. Which I rather think means...Copy !req
620. - Stop. Please.
- I'm so sorry.Copy !req
621. But you had fallen
pregnant in India.Copy !req
622. Unmarried and ashamed,Copy !req
623. you hurried back to England
with your confidante, a young maid,Copy !req
624. later to become housekeeper.
Miss Chandrakala.Copy !req
625. Clemency, is this true?Copy !req
626. My poor baby.Copy !req
627. I had to give him away.Copy !req
628. The shame of it.Copy !req
629. - But you've never said a word...
- I had no choice.Copy !req
630. Imagine the scandal.
The family name!Copy !req
631. I'm British, I carry on!Copy !req
632. And it was no ordinary pregnancy.Copy !req
633. How can you know that?Copy !req
634. Scuse me, Agatha,
this is my territory.Copy !req
635. But when you heard that buzzing
sound in the dining room,Copy !req
636. you said, "It can't be."Copy !req
637. Why did you say that?Copy !req
638. You'd never believe it.Copy !req
639. The Doctor has opened my mind
to believe many things.Copy !req
640. It was forty years ago
in the heat of Delhi, late one night...Copy !req
641. I was alone.
And that's when I saw it...Copy !req
642. A dazzling light in the sky.Copy !req
643. The next day,
he came to the house...Copy !req
644. Christopher.
The most handsome man I'd ever seen.Copy !req
645. Our love blazed like a wildfire.Copy !req
646. I held nothing back.Copy !req
647. And in return...Copy !req
648. he showed me the incredible
truth about himself.Copy !req
649. He'd made himself human,
to learn about us.Copy !req
650. This was his true shape.Copy !req
651. I loved him so much,
it didn't matter.Copy !req
652. But he was stolen from me.Copy !req
653. 1885, the year of the great monsoon.Copy !req
654. The River Jumna rose up
and broke its banks.Copy !req
655. He was taken at the flood.Copy !req
656. But Christopher left me a gift,
a jewel like no other.Copy !req
657. I wore it always.
Part of me never forgot.Copy !req
658. I kept it close.Copy !req
659. Always.Copy !req
660. Just like a man,
flashes his family jewels,Copy !req
661. and you end up
with a bun in the oven!Copy !req
662. A "poor little child".Copy !req
663. Forty years ago, Miss Chandrakala
took that newborn babe to an orphanage.Copy !req
664. But Professor Peach worked it out.Copy !req
665. He found the birth certificate.Copy !req
666. Oh, that's Maiden...
maiden name!Copy !req
667. Precisely.Copy !req
668. - So, she killed him?
- I did not!Copy !req
669. Miss Chandrakala feared that the
Professor had unearthed your secret.Copy !req
670. - She was coming to warn you.
- So, she killed her?Copy !req
671. - I did not!
- Lady Eddison...Copy !req
672. is innocent.Copy !req
673. Because at this point, Doctor...Copy !req
674. Thank you.
At this point,Copy !req
675. when we consider the lies
and the secrets,Copy !req
676. and the key to these events,Copy !req
677. then we have to consider...Copy !req
678. It was you, Donna Noble!Copy !req
679. What?Copy !req
680. Who did I kill?Copy !req
681. No, but you said it, all along.Copy !req
682. The vital clue...Copy !req
683. That this whole thing is being
acted out like a murder mystery.Copy !req
684. Which means...Copy !req
685. It was you, Agatha Christie!Copy !req
686. I beg your pardon, sir!Copy !req
687. - So, she killed them?
- No.Copy !req
688. But she wrote!
She wrote those brilliant, clever books!Copy !req
689. And who's her greatest admirer?Copy !req
690. The moving finger points...Copy !req
691. At you...Copy !req
692. - Lady Eddison!
- Leave me alone!Copy !req
693. - So, she did kill them?
- No!Copy !req
694. But just think...Copy !req
695. Last Thursday night,
what were you doing?Copy !req
696. I was...Copy !req
697. I was in the library...Copy !req
698. I was reading
my favourite Agatha Christie,Copy !req
699. thinking about her plots,
and how clever she must be.Copy !req
700. - How is that relevant?
- Just think.Copy !req
701. What else happened on Thursday night?Copy !req
702. I'm sorry?Copy !req
703. You said, on the lawn,
this afternoon.Copy !req
704. Last Thursday night,
those boys broke into your church.Copy !req
705. That's correct.Copy !req
706. They did...Copy !req
707. I discovered the two of them.Copy !req
708. Thieves in the night,
I was most perturbed...Copy !req
709. What the blazes are you doing boys?Copy !req
710. But I apprehended them.Copy !req
711. Really?Copy !req
712. A man of God,
against two strong lads?Copy !req
713. A man in his forties?Copy !req
714. Or should I say...Copy !req
715. Forty years old, exactly?Copy !req
716. Oh, my God... !Copy !req
717. Lady Eddison. Your child,
how old would he be now?Copy !req
718. Forty. He's forty!Copy !req
719. Your child has come home.Copy !req
720. This is poppycock!Copy !req
721. Oh? You said you were taught
by the Christian Fathers.Copy !req
722. Meaning,
raised in an orphanage!Copy !req
723. My son... Can it be?Copy !req
724. You found those thieves, Reverend.
And you got angry!Copy !req
725. A proper, deep anger,
for the first time in your life,Copy !req
726. and it broke the genetic lock!Copy !req
727. You've changed!Copy !req
728. Put tho-z-z-ze...Copy !req
729. thing-z-z-z...Copy !req
730. back where you found them.Copy !req
731. You realised your inheritance!Copy !req
732. After all those years,Copy !req
733. you knew who you were.Copy !req
734. Oh, and then it all kicks off.
Cos this isn't just a jewel.Copy !req
735. It's a Vespiform Telepathic Recorder!Copy !req
736. It's part of you, your brain,
your very essence.Copy !req
737. And when you activated...
so did the Firestone!Copy !req
738. It beamed your full identity
directly into your mind,Copy !req
739. and at the same time...Copy !req
740. It absorbed the works of Agatha Christie,
directly from Lady Eddison.Copy !req
741. It all became part of you!Copy !req
742. The mechanics of those novels
formed a template in your brain!Copy !req
743. You've killed, in this pattern, because
that's what you think the world is!Copy !req
744. Turns out we are in
the middle of a murder mystery!Copy !req
745. One of yours, Dame Agatha!Copy !req
746. Dame?Copy !req
747. Oh, sorry, not yet.Copy !req
748. So he killed them.Copy !req
749. Yes? Definitely?Copy !req
750. Yes.Copy !req
751. Well...Copy !req
752. This has certainly been
an entertaining evening.Copy !req
753. Really, you can't believe any
of this surely, Lady Eddiz-z-z-z-on?Copy !req
754. Lady who?Copy !req
755. Lady Eddiz-z-z-z-on.Copy !req
756. Little bit of buzzing there, Vicar.Copy !req
757. - Don't make me angry!
- Why?Copy !req
758. What happens then?Copy !req
759. Damn it!Copy !req
760. You humanz-z-z-z-z-z-z!Copy !req
761. Worshipping your
tribal sky godz-z-z-z!Copy !req
762. I am so much more!Copy !req
763. That night the universe
exploded in my mind!Copy !req
764. I wanted to take what waz-z-z mine.Copy !req
765. And you, Agatha Christie,Copy !req
766. with your railway station
bookstall romancez-z-z...Copy !req
767. - What'z-z-z to stop me killing you?
- Oh, my dear God.Copy !req
768. My child!Copy !req
769. What's-z-z to stop me killing you all?Copy !req
770. - Forgive me!
- No, no Clemency, come back!Copy !req
771. Keep away,
keep away my darling!Copy !req
772. No!Copy !req
773. No more murder!Copy !req
774. If my imagination made you kill,Copy !req
775. then my imagination will
find a way to stop you.Copy !req
776. Foul creature!Copy !req
777. Wait!
Now it's chasing us!Copy !req
778. Over here!
Come and get me, Reverend!Copy !req
779. Agatha, what are you doing?Copy !req
780. If I started this, Doctor,
then I must stop it!Copy !req
781. Come on!Copy !req
782. It's all my fault,
it's all my fault, it's all my fault!Copy !req
783. You said this is the night
Agatha Christie loses her memory.Copy !req
784. Time is in flux, Donna!Copy !req
785. This could be the night,Copy !req
786. Agatha Christie loses her life
and history gets changed!Copy !req
787. Where's she going?Copy !req
788. The lake!
She's heading for the lake.Copy !req
789. What's she doing?Copy !req
790. Here I am!
The honey in the trap!Copy !req
791. Come to me, Vespiform...Copy !req
792. She's controlling it.Copy !req
793. It's mind is based on
her thought processes.Copy !req
794. - They're linked.
- Quite so, Doctor!Copy !req
795. If I die,
then this creature might die with me.Copy !req
796. Don't hurt her!Copy !req
797. You're not meant to be like this,Copy !req
798. you've got the wrong template
in your mind.Copy !req
799. It's not listening.Copy !req
800. How do you kill a wasp?Copy !req
801. Drown it.
Just like his father.Copy !req
802. Donna, that thing couldn't help itself.Copy !req
803. Neither could I.Copy !req
804. Death comes as the end.
And justice is served.Copy !req
805. Murder at the Vicar's Rage.Copy !req
806. Needs a bit of work.Copy !req
807. Just one mystery left, Doctor.Copy !req
808. Who exactly are you?Copy !req
809. Oh, it's the Firestone,
it's part of the Vespiform's mind!Copy !req
810. It's dying,
and it's connected to Agatha.Copy !req
811. It let her go.Copy !req
812. Right at the end, the Vespiform
chose to save someone's life.Copy !req
813. - Is she all right, though?
- Oh, of course. The amnesia!Copy !req
814. Wiped her mind of everything.
The wasp, the murders...Copy !req
815. And us.
She'll forget about us.Copy !req
816. Yeah, but we've solved another riddle.Copy !req
817. The Mystery of Agatha Christie.Copy !req
818. And tomorrow morning, her car
gets found by the side of a lake.Copy !req
819. A few days later she turns up
in a hotel in HarrogateCopy !req
820. with no idea of what just happened.Copy !req
821. No-one'll ever know.Copy !req
822. Lady Eddison, and the Colonel and
all the staff, what about them?Copy !req
823. A shameful story.
They'd never talk of it.Copy !req
824. Too British.Copy !req
825. While the Unicorn does a bunk,
back to London town.Copy !req
826. She could never even
say she was there.Copy !req
827. But, what happens to Agatha?Copy !req
828. Oh, great life!
Met another man,Copy !req
829. married again.Copy !req
830. Saw the world.Copy !req
831. Wrote and wrote and wrote.Copy !req
832. She never thought her books
were any good, though.Copy !req
833. And she must've spent
all those years wondering...Copy !req
834. Thing is,Copy !req
835. I don't think she ever quite forgot.Copy !req
836. A great mind like that! Some of the
details kept bleeding through.Copy !req
837. All the stuff
her imagination could use.Copy !req
838. Like Miss Marple!Copy !req
839. I should've made her
sign a contract.Copy !req
840. And where is it,
where is it? Hold on...Copy !req
841. Here we go.Copy !req
842. C...Copy !req
843. That is C for Cybermen,Copy !req
844. C for Carrionites...Copy !req
845. And...Copy !req
846. Christie, Agatha!Copy !req
847. Look at that.Copy !req
848. She did remember.Copy !req
849. Somewhere in the back of her mind,
it all lingered.Copy !req
850. And that's not all.Copy !req
851. Look at the copyright page.Copy !req
852. Facsimile edition.
published in the year...Copy !req
853. 5 billion!Copy !req
854. People never stop reading them.Copy !req
855. She is the best selling
novelist of all time.Copy !req
856. But she never knew.Copy !req
857. Well, no-one knows
how they're going to be remembered.Copy !req
858. All you can do is hope for the best.Copy !req
859. Maybe that's what kept her writing.Copy !req
860. Same thing keeps me travelling.Copy !req
861. Onwards?Copy !req
862. Onwards!Copy !req
863. This is the biggest library in the universe.
So where is everyone?Copy !req
864. Run.Copy !req
865. For God's sake, run.Copy !req
866. Run!Copy !req
867. Professor River Song,
archaeologist.Copy !req
868. The shadows are moving again.Copy !req
869. How could a shadow be infected?Copy !req
870. It's Vashta Nerada.Copy !req
871. - Run!
- What's Kal?Copy !req
872. Something came to this library
and killed everything in it.Copy !req
873. - Donna?
- Yeah?Copy !req
874. Stay out of the shadows.Copy !req