1. Best friends, best friends...
Copy !req
2. Ah.
Copy !req
3. I never thought I'd miss it.
Copy !req
4. How come I'm not best friends
with anyone in the group?
Copy !req
5. Aw!
Copy !req
6. Don't patronize me.
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7. Oh.
Copy !req
8. Just letting the students know
Copy !req
9. that if you're on campus
this weekend,
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10. you'll have to park
on the street
Copy !req
11. because of the carnival.
Copy !req
12. On an unrelated note,
I'm into trains now.
Copy !req
13. A real carnival?
Copy !req
14. Is the company called
red beard's amusements?
Copy !req
15. Name rings a bell.
Copy !req
16. But with me,
that could mean anything.
Copy !req
17. I wonder.
Copy !req
18. I have an ex-boyfriend
that travels with a carnival.
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19. I'm sorry, Britta.
Copy !req
20. Some things are funny
because they make no sense.
Copy !req
21. And that is not one of them.
Copy !req
22. Well, it looks like my news
has incited some doings.
Copy !req
23. And if that's not my job,
what is?
Copy !req
24. Choo choo!
Copy !req
25. Well, you're also
supposed to—
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26. Eh.
Administrate the school.
Copy !req
27. So, Britta, tell us about
your carnival worker boyfriend.
Copy !req
28. Why, so you all can get
a big laugh?
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29. - Yeah.
- I'd love to have a laugh.
Copy !req
30. The exact reason.
Copy !req
31. Fine.
I'm not ashamed of my past.
Copy !req
32. And if it entertains you guys,
Copy !req
33. that's great
because we're friends.
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34. His name is Blade and...
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35. What?
Oh, no, Britta!
Copy !req
36. She invoked friendship
to undercut the laugh,
Copy !req
37. and we're still laughing.
That's how funny it is!
Copy !req
38. His name is Blade.
Is that legal?
Copy !req
39. Shouldn't new line cinema
be suing him?
Copy !req
40. He was called that
before that stupid movie.
Copy !req
41. He was called that
before the fantastic movie.
Copy !req
42. And it was a marvel comic
in 1973.
Copy !req
43. Well, nerd alert.
Copy !req
44. Well, ex-boyfriend named
Blade alert.
Copy !req
45. Her love life makes Pierce
seem with it.
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46. Her pain unifies us.
Copy !req
47. She has the king Arthur
of bad taste in men.
Copy !req
48. I'm glad you guys
are reacting this way.
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49. I need to be reminded
that he is the worst on earth.
Copy !req
50. Because if he comes
through town and calls me,
Copy !req
51. I will be there
in five minutes.
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52. - I don't understand.
- Uh, Andre much?
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53. - Okay, I understand.
- I don't.
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54. - You will.
- What's that mean?
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55. - He's hung.
- Oh, God!
Copy !req
56. Pierce, you're disgusting.
Copy !req
57. Just like that
I'm disgusting again.
Copy !req
58. I was one of the gang.
It was in my hand.
Copy !req
59. Sometimes, a woman meets a man
Copy !req
60. that she just can't shake
from her system
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61. no matter much
she knows better.
Copy !req
62. I lucked out with Andre,
but God help me.
Copy !req
63. As you all know, there's not
a lot he couldn't get away with.
Copy !req
64. So what, Britta?
You're in love with a guy
Copy !req
65. who's named after
a kickboxing vampire movie?
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66. A fantastic kickboxing
vampire movie.
Copy !req
67. No, I don't believe in love
because of this guy...
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68. Named after
a kickboxing vampire movie.
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69. Oh, Britta!
Copy !req
70. Oh, sweetie.
Copy !req
71. You wanna watch Blade tonight?
Copy !req
72. Yes.
Copy !req
73. Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com.
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Copy !req
74. Ugh, I love that I have
a locker now.
Copy !req
75. All that wasted time going
to my car
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76. for mid-afternoon wardrobe
adjustments.
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77. What do you think, hmm?
Stick with what's working?
Copy !req
78. You're gonna change your shirt?
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79. Not if it's working.
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80. - It's not working.
- Yeah.
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81. You're right.
I knew it.
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82. - I'll have what she's having.
- Hey, grow up, lady!
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83. - Annie!
- His shirt wasn't working!
Copy !req
84. I need your help.
Copy !req
85. It Blade's carnival
that's coming.
Copy !req
86. He's working the BB gun
duck-shooting gallery.
Copy !req
87. I guess he finally got
the promotion.
Copy !req
88. And he will call me.
Copy !req
89. And left unattended,
Copy !req
90. I will end up doing him
like a crossword,
Copy !req
91. and I will regret it.
Copy !req
92. So I need you to take my phone,
Copy !req
93. and don't give it back
until Monday!
Copy !req
94. Of course.
Okay.
Copy !req
95. - For real?
- Pipe it!
Copy !req
96. And I need to stay with you
this weekend.
Copy !req
97. Not just stay with you,
I need to be on lockdown.
Copy !req
98. You were a pillhead,
so think of Blade as Adderall.
Copy !req
99. And handcuff me to the radiator
Copy !req
100. like a mother-flipping
carny-banging werewolf.
Copy !req
101. I got this.
I got this.
Copy !req
102. Our apartment
has central heating,
Copy !req
103. but I get the idea—
stay strong.
Copy !req
104. Man, I wonder how many women
I've affected this way.
Copy !req
105. Ha ha!
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106. Whoo whoo!
Copy !req
107. All aboard
the human being railway!
Copy !req
108. Next stop, spo—
Copy !req
109. - I'll get to the point.
Copy !req
110. I'd like your student
Troy Barnes
Copy !req
111. enrolled in the air conditioning
repair program immediately.
Copy !req
112. Oh, a wonderful opportunity
for a young man of...
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113. Urban race.
Copy !req
114. Yet try as I might, I'm unable
to make him see it that way.
Copy !req
115. I need you to change his mind.
Copy !req
116. But if he's not interested,
what can I do?
Copy !req
117. Dean, have we forgotten
that your school
Copy !req
118. is under the ac repair
school's thumb?
Copy !req
119. Uh, we have not.
Copy !req
120. Then mine is not to tell you
how to do what I want done.
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121. Mine is to want
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122. and to say my want.
Copy !req
123. Yours is to know and to do.
Copy !req
124. I know exactly what to do.
Copy !req
125. Natalie, could you get me a,
um, book on how to do things?
Copy !req
126. You know what,
just make me a scotch and soda.
Copy !req
127. - Make it yourself!
- I don't know how.
Copy !req
128. I love Blade's
special Blade weapons.
Copy !req
129. Yeah, see that sword?
It has two blades.
Copy !req
130. One blade is silver,
Copy !req
131. the other blade is infused
with garlic.
Copy !req
132. - I should check my messages.
- No.
Copy !req
133. Guys, could we maybe
watch a different movie
Copy !req
134. or just stop saying that word
six times per minute?
Copy !req
135. - What word?
- Blade.
Copy !req
136. Oh, because of
Britta's ex-boyfriend.
Copy !req
137. Can you check my messages
for me
Copy !req
138. and tell me if he called?
Copy !req
139. I don't think
that's a good idea.
Copy !req
140. What if my mother died?
Copy !req
141. You guys are really
talking over Blade.
Copy !req
142. - Not cool!
- Annie, subdue your guest.
Copy !req
143. Annie, think for one second.
Copy !req
144. You have my phone,
and you're not even checking it.
Copy !req
145. What if my mother is dying?
Copy !req
146. This is junkie talk.
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147. You just wanna know
where your phone's hidden.
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148. I just wanna know
if my mother is dying.
Copy !req
149. It's a simple yes or no.
I'll cover my eyes.
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150. You go check my phone and say,
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151. "no, your mother isn't dying"
or "yes, your mother is dying,"
Copy !req
152. and then we go back
to watching the film.
Copy !req
153. Give it to me!
Copy !req
154. That's right, Britta.
It's a banana.
Copy !req
155. Why is there a banana
in your DVD cabinet?
Copy !req
156. Read the banana, Britta.
Copy !req
157. "You are a lying junkie."
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158. I'm sure those words hurt.
Copy !req
159. But you wouldn't be reading them
if they weren't true.
Copy !req
160. I am so weak.
Copy !req
161. But we are not defined
by our limitations.
Copy !req
162. We are defined
by our potentials.
Copy !req
163. I have the potential
to watch Blade.
Copy !req
164. You two are bad friends!
Bad.
Copy !req
165. That's unfair.
What about you guys?
Copy !req
166. Okay, you don't like our movie,
we can't say the word "Blade,"
Copy !req
167. there's phones
in the refrigerator.
Copy !req
168. Oops.
Copy !req
169. - Troy, Abed!
- Let me see if he called!
Copy !req
170. I have a right to know!
You're monsters!
Copy !req
171. You're Hitlers!
You're racist pedophiles!
Copy !req
172. You're the opposites of Batman!
Copy !req
173. You don't know what that means.
Copy !req
174. Gonna rip out your throats
and eat your—
Copy !req
175. Still think the lock
was overkill?
Copy !req
176. No.
Copy !req
177. There's
phones in the refrigerator.
Copy !req
178. It's you.
Copy !req
179. I need help reacting
to something.
Copy !req
180. Hi!
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181. Remember it's just a quick icky play.
Copy !req
182. You tell anyone we did this,
Copy !req
183. I will stop letting you
do things with me
Copy !req
184. I'm afraid
to tell anyone about.
Copy !req
185. Hey, I get it.
Copy !req
186. You wanna take a look
at Britta's ex-boyfriend.
Copy !req
187. If you did it by yourself,
you'd be weird.
Copy !req
188. You're the only one
that really understands me.
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189. Oh, funky.
Copy !req
190. Ha!
Copy !req
191. What, are you guys on a date?
Copy !req
192. Pretty awkward.
Look what Pierce won me.
Copy !req
193. What is this?
Copy !req
194. I decided to go outside
the group for a best friend.
Copy !req
195. And you couldn't do better
than Chang?
Copy !req
196. You take that back!
Copy !req
197. He could do plenty
better than me.
Copy !req
198. I was the first to say yes.
Copy !req
199. Well, have fun forcing life.
Copy !req
200. We will.
Copy !req
201. What do you wanna do next?
Copy !req
202. - Cotton candy?
- Russian roulette?
Copy !req
203. - What did you say?
- Cotton candy sounds great.
Copy !req
204. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
205. That's it?
Huh.
Copy !req
206. Hmm. He's not
as good-looking as you.
Copy !req
207. - I wasn't fishing for that.
- No, no, no.
Copy !req
208. I offered it freely.
Come on, I wanna go on a ride.
Copy !req
209. This is a window for me.
Copy !req
210. I spent my carnival years
pregnant.
Copy !req
211. Shirley, I'm not jealous.
Copy !req
212. I just wanted to see
what the deal was.
Copy !req
213. Obviously the deal is
he's a dirtball,
Copy !req
214. Britta hates herself, voila.
Copy !req
215. What do you wanna do?
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216. I'd like to go on a ride.
Copy !req
217. Let's go shoot some ducks.
Copy !req
218. Jeffrey!
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219. Eight of clubs.
I win.
Copy !req
220. Nice!
Copy !req
221. - How are you feeling?
- Good.
Copy !req
222. Great, actually.
Thank you, Annie.
Copy !req
223. I could've never done this
without you.
Copy !req
224. I'm glad to be able
to help you.
Copy !req
225. I want you to know—
Copy !req
226. and I've never said
these words—
Copy !req
227. but I've always felt them.
Copy !req
228. You're a sister to me.
Copy !req
229. Britta!
Copy !req
230. Whoo!
Copy !req
231. Hey, little sis,
Copy !req
232. do you think you could trust me
to have my phone back now?
Copy !req
233. I've got my email on there,
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234. my calendar,
homework assignments.
Copy !req
235. I'm kinda screwed without it.
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236. You're not just
manipulating me, right?
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237. Oh, because of...
Oh, jeez.
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238. Yeah, whatever.
That's over, Annie.
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239. Seriously.
Copy !req
240. Okay, I have it right here.
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241. It's a gateway
to further trust.
Copy !req
242. Perfect.
Thank you.
Copy !req
243. Love the gateway.
Honoring the gateway.
Copy !req
244. I have to call my doctor
for some results.
Copy !req
245. Don't worry, I'm fine.
It's just a little personal.
Copy !req
246. You need privacy, sure thing.
I'll check on you later.
Copy !req
247. Bye.
Thank you, sweetie.
Copy !req
248. Boy, this guy doesn't
give vampires
Copy !req
249. a square inch of leeway.
Copy !req
250. He's harsh.
Copy !req
251. What's wrong, Annie?
Copy !req
252. You came out of the bedroom
smiling,
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253. and then your smile faded
as you leaned against the door.
Copy !req
254. I gave Britta her phone.
Copy !req
255. You did?
Why?
Copy !req
256. She needs to feel trust
to recover, or she'll relapse.
Copy !req
257. She's gonna relapse
because you gave her her phone.
Copy !req
258. No, I secretly switched
Blade's number in her phone
Copy !req
259. to my number.
Copy !req
260. So if she tries to get
in touch with him,
Copy !req
261. - it'll come to me.
- That's diabolical.
Copy !req
262. Yeah,
you're just like Blade, man.
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263. Straight up.
Copy !req
264. I just hope she can find
the strength to—
Copy !req
265. She's probably just telling him
Copy !req
266. she's... dying to feel
the warmth of his...
Copy !req
267. Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
268. She said we were sisters.
Copy !req
269. I am so sad right now.
Copy !req
270. And she is so codependent!
Copy !req
271. And such a bad speller.
Copy !req
272. Nice shootin'.
Tough luck.
Copy !req
273. Thanks.
I'll go another round.
Copy !req
274. There's room in our bed
for three bears, right, honey?
Copy !req
275. And then some, sugar.
Copy !req
276. You're very nice...
Copy !req
277. For a man named...
What'd you say it was? Blade?
Copy !req
278. Yup.
Copy !req
279. But that's a carnival name
though, right?
Copy !req
280. A nom de corn dog?
Copy !req
281. Why would I have
a carnival name?
Copy !req
282. Your parents named you Blade?
Copy !req
283. Apparently.
Copy !req
284. Well, you seem okay with it.
Copy !req
285. Not much to do about it.
Copy !req
286. You could change it.
Copy !req
287. To what?
Templeton Ferrari III?
Copy !req
288. Won't change
how mustard tastes.
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289. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
290. Huh. Won't change
how mustard tastes.
Copy !req
291. I get it.
I see the appeal.
Copy !req
292. He's relaxed, he's cool.
Copy !req
293. N-not as cool as you.
Copy !req
294. Mr. Blade.
I want three more rounds.
Copy !req
295. Jeffrey!
Copy !req
296. Not gonna change
the way mustard tastes.
Copy !req
297. Oh, and you're so cool,
Shirley.
Copy !req
298. Sometimes I am.
Copy !req
299. How many times
are they gonna do that?
Copy !req
300. Aw, this is it, isn't it?
Copy !req
301. We're becoming best friends.
Copy !req
302. I think so.
I think so.
Copy !req
303. Oh, my God!
One after the other!
Copy !req
304. "I'm texting to tell you
I'm not texting you any more.
Copy !req
305. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
Copy !req
306. "Are you mad at me now?
Copy !req
307. Fine. I guess you don't
wanna know our two-year-old."
Copy !req
308. Can we please just put it
Copy !req
309. under a stack of mattresses
or something?
Copy !req
310. I don't know.
When is she gonna take a hint?
Copy !req
311. Britta's attracted
to unavailable men.
Copy !req
312. - Dean, why are you here?
- Ouch.
Copy !req
313. Fine. Let's make him
available.
Copy !req
314. - What are you doing?
- Ending this.
Copy !req
315. "Leave me alone."
No!
Copy !req
316. That's so much worse.
Copy !req
317. See?
She stopped.
Copy !req
318. She's calling him?
Copy !req
319. She was born in the '80s.
Copy !req
320. She still uses her phone
as a phone.
Copy !req
321. - Uh-oh.
- That's fine, it's fine.
Copy !req
322. - We just won't answer it.
- Won't it go to your voicemail?
Copy !req
323. Hello? Blade?
Copy !req
324. There you go.
Copy !req
325. I don't know!
Copy !req
326. Change your settings
so it doesn't go to voicemail.
Copy !req
327. Too late.
Copy !req
328. You guys act like a carnival.
Be a carnival.
Copy !req
329. Now!
Copy !req
330. - Step right up!
- Ding, ding, ding!
Copy !req
331. Get your popcorn here.
Copy !req
332. - Hello?
- Busy, babe.
Copy !req
333. Blade, just wait.
Wait, Bla...
Copy !req
334. I told you not to call me
at work!
Copy !req
335. "I'm sorry, I forgot.
Copy !req
336. Don't be mad at me."
Copy !req
337. She's whipped
by an imaginary douche.
Copy !req
338. Hey, don't knock it
till you try it.
Copy !req
339. I got my fake
bachelor's degree,
Copy !req
340. and then I cheated on the LSAT.
Copy !req
341. You're probably wondering,
how do you cheat on the LSAT?
Copy !req
342. How?
Copy !req
343. A magician never reveals
his secrets, my friend.
Copy !req
344. Ah.
Copy !req
345. - Yeah! In your face!
- Good job.
Copy !req
346. Uh, give me the big one!
Yeah, that's the one.
Copy !req
347. Yeah.
Copy !req
348. Not too shabby, huh?
Copy !req
349. Yeah, you really did it, baby.
Copy !req
350. So you dropped
out of high school
Copy !req
351. and joined the carnival.
Copy !req
352. And 15 years later,
here you are.
Copy !req
353. - Jeffrey!
- Guess that's about it.
Copy !req
354. So what's the record?
Copy !req
355. What's the best anyone's
ever done in this booth?
Copy !req
356. - I guess eight ducks.
- All right, one more round.
Copy !req
357. One more round.
Copy !req
358. - Jeff?
- Honey?
Copy !req
359. Will you excuse us
just for a moment, please?
Copy !req
360. Certainly.
Copy !req
361. Can you get over here?
Copy !req
362. - What is your end game here?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
363. - I wanna know.
- Wanna know what?
Copy !req
364. I wanna know what drove Britta
crazy about him.
Copy !req
365. Are you jealous?
Are you in love with Britta?
Copy !req
366. No, I am not in love
with Britta.
Copy !req
367. And yes, I'm insanely
jealous of him.
Copy !req
368. What's his secret?
Copy !req
369. Why do you wanna know the
secret to making a woman psycho?
Copy !req
370. Why do we wanna know
how to blow up the earth
Copy !req
371. or grow a human ear on a mouse?
Copy !req
372. In case we have to, Shirley.
Copy !req
373. In case we have to.
Copy !req
374. - I'm going to find Pierce.
- Good!
Copy !req
375. One of those bears is mine!
Copy !req
376. So this is best friendship.
Copy !req
377. Something else, isn't it?
Copy !req
378. How do we keep it going?
Copy !req
379. How do we know
we won't get into a fight?
Copy !req
380. I say we just let it happen.
Copy !req
381. Don't tell me what to do!
Copy !req
382. - What's your problem?
- What's yours?
Copy !req
383. I'm outta here!
Copy !req
384. Blade, 'sup?
Message.
Copy !req
385. Okay. We can stop worrying
about voicemail now.
Copy !req
386. Back to the matter at hand.
Copy !req
387. Now what are you doing?
Copy !req
388. - Dean, why are you here?
- Yikes.
Copy !req
389. I figured it out.
I know exactly what to do.
Copy !req
390. I'm just gonna be really,
really, really mean to her.
Copy !req
391. Uh.
Copy !req
392. What don't you get
about the concept?
Copy !req
393. Britta likes guys
who are mean to her.
Copy !req
394. She doesn't like herself.
Copy !req
395. Give me the phone.
Copy !req
396. What did you say?
Copy !req
397. Something nice.
Copy !req
398. Don't worry about it.
Copy !req
399. I'm deleting it
from your phone.
Copy !req
400. - Hi.
- What's up?
Copy !req
401. You guys still watching movies?
Copy !req
402. Hi, Dean.
Why are you here?
Copy !req
403. Hi, Britta.
And ouch.
Copy !req
404. And you don't know anything
about carpentry.
Copy !req
405. - Nope.
- Or aquariums—
Copy !req
406. freshwater or saltwater.
Copy !req
407. - Do you have a big weiner?
- Nope.
Copy !req
408. I don't get it, Blade!
Copy !req
409. What's your secret?
Why do I wanna impress you?
Copy !req
410. Are you dumb or smart?
Are you a loser or winner?
Copy !req
411. Or are you just a human mirror?
Copy !req
412. Do we all see
what we wanna see in you?
Copy !req
413. A magician never reveals,
right?
Copy !req
414. Right.
Copy !req
415. Later.
Copy !req
416. Okay.
Copy !req
417. You dropped over 300 bucks
on my booth, so I'll tell ya.
Copy !req
418. You wanna know my secret?
Copy !req
419. Yes.
Copy !req
420. Yes, I do.
Copy !req
421. What are you doing?
Copy !req
422. I wanna know.
Copy !req
423. Okay, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
424. I was texting with Blade,
but it's over now.
Copy !req
425. He's... a loser.
Copy !req
426. Good night.
Copy !req
427. Uh, uh, uh...
Troy!
Copy !req
428. You should really join
Copy !req
429. the air conditioning
repair program.
Copy !req
430. - No.
- Well, that didn't work.
Copy !req
431. That's what I get
for improvising.
Copy !req
432. Good night.
Copy !req
433. So I don't get it.
Copy !req
434. He's a vampire, but he can
walk around during the day?
Copy !req
435. - What... is wrong with you?
- Huh?
Copy !req
436. You weren't texting Blade,
you were texting us.
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437. I switched Blade's number
in your phone to mine.
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438. - You tricked me?
- You tricked me!
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439. You ask for my help,
you tell me I'm your sister,
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440. I do everything I can
to make you hate this turd,
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441. and the first nice thing
he says, and you're over him?
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442. Who are you?
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443. And why didn't it stick?
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444. I was texting with you guys
this whole time?
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445. So Blade... isn't a loser!
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446. Uh-oh.
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447. No, let her go.
Lost cause, man.
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448. Jeff!
What are you doing here?
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449. I just got back
from the carnival...
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450. Where I met Blade.
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451. Is he okay?
How is he?
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452. He's brain damaged.
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453. - Well, let's not be petty.
- No, I'm serious.
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454. He showed me the scar.
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455. Ten years ago,
before he even met you,
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456. a loose bolt flew off
a Ferris wheel
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457. and imbedded in his skull,
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458. destroying the part of his brain
that feels shame.
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459. He's basically irresistible
to people for the same reason
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460. he can pretty much only work
at a carnival.
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461. He has nothing to prove
or disprove
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462. about himself or to himself.
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463. He has no shame.
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464. Why wouldn't he
have told me that?
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465. Because he didn't care
if you knew.
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466. That is so like him.
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467. - I have to go to him.
- No, woman.
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468. None of us have to
"go to" anyone.
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469. And the idea we do
is a mental illness
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470. we contracted
from breath mint commercials
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471. and Sandra Bullock.
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472. We can't keep going
to each other
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473. until we learn to go
to ourselves.
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474. Stop making our hatred
of ourselves someone else's job
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475. and just stop hating ourselves.
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476. Annie, I want you
to take my phone.
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477. Do not let me call Chang.
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478. I'm locking myself
in your room.
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479. What are you guys
doing out here?
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480. Self-actualizing.
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481. Well, it's loud.
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482. Come watch Blade.
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483. Okay.
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484. This movie is fantastic.
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485. Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com.
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
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486. Y'all ever notice
that cold spot in the hallway?
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487. Oh, yeah!
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488. That thing is freezing!
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489. You know what could learn
a lesson from that cold spot?
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490. The air conditioning unit
in my living room.
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491. Ladies and gentlemen,
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492. so yesterday, typical Sunday.
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493. I was hanging out
in my dreamatorium.
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494. Whoo!
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495. This ever happen to you guys?
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496. I couldn't remember
where I imagined the door.
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497. Then I realized I was in
an actual bathroom.
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498. Uh, no offense,
but this material
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499. seems pretty specific
to your apartment.
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500. I don't think it'll work
at an open mic.
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501. Y'all ever notice
the difference
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502. between me and Troy
brushing our teeth?
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503. I brush my teeth like this.
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504. Troy brushes his teeth
like this.
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505. I do!
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506. I do! I brush my teeth
just like that.
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507. Now you know what I'm gonna
talk about next.
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508. Toaster oven!
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509. It's from his album.
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