1. Hot'n'brown's coffee really wakes me up
to the fact that its coffee sucks.
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2. I miss having a coffee shop.
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3. Where am I going to get my cappuccinos
and Sarah McLachlan CDs?
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4. It wasn't that great.
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5. If had this space, I would have
served fresh fruit and sandwiches,
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6. and I would've got rid that
take-a-penny, leave-a-penny nonsense.
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7. If the good lord wanted you
to have a penny, you'd have one.
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8. Why do you look
like a wealthy murderer?
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9. I look like an entrepreneur.
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10. Now that my dad's gone,
I'm expanding Hawthorne industries
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11. by investing in new products.
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12. - Like... these.
- What's that?
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13. Automatic security camerathat can tell
your friends from intruders.
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14. How does it work?
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15. Your guests have arrived.
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16. Threat level four.
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17. - Your guests have arrived.
- It's not calibrated.
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18. Wireless racism.
The future of the past is now.
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19. Why don't you put your money
into a good idea, like Shirley?
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20. I made that offer when I've met her.
She almost broke my nose.
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21. Shirley's good with food,
you have capital,
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22. and Greendale has real estate.
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23. What?
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24. The whole reason you came here...
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25. To start a business.
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26. What do you think, Shirley?
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27. Should I have my people
call your people?
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28. I mean, not your people.
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29. I could think about it.
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30. Is Shirley Bennett in the house?
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31. - Motownphilly back again
- The year was 1991.
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32. What are you doing here?
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33. Boys II men, going on
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34. Not too hard...
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35. Spring fling dance.
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36. See, that's where I first laid eyes
on Shirley Edwards.
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37. A vision in hyper color
and hammer pants.
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38. Baby girl, I have loved you
ever since there was a Soviet union
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39. and only one Damon Wayans.
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40. Baby, I know I've made mistakes,
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41. but I'm so happy
we've made it through.
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42. But there's one thing,
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43. something important,
that we keep putting off.
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44. Will you, Shirley Bennett,
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45. marry me, Andre Bennett, again?
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46. Yes, yes, again!
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47. Shall I notify authorities?
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48. JoJo - Karim
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49. Smeagolyecna - Bilou
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50. Van - Audrey - Eggfactory
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51. - Feygnasse Team -
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52. La Fabrique ::.
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53. 3x11:
Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts
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54. It's cool
they are getting married again.
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55. A whole generation
didn't get to see the original.
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56. Let's hope it's more
of a bale than a Kilmer situation.
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57. Second weddings are okay, I guess.
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58. If I had to rank 'em...
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59. It would go fourth, seventh, second,
fifth, first, third, sixth.
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60. - No, wait... first then fifth.
- Got it...
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61. Fourth, seventh, second, first,
fifth, third, sixth.
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62. When's our culture gonna
outgrow this wedding thing?
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63. You're anti-wedding, now?
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64. - No, she's just pro-anti.
- No to everything you both said.
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65. Weddings are like
little girl's tea parties,
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66. except the women are
the stuffed animals,
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67. the men are making them talk,
and they're not drinking tea,
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68. they're drinking
antiquated gender roles.
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69. Somebody tell Britta
what an analogy is.
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70. I know what it is.
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71. It's like a thought
with another thought's hat on.
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72. I can't get behind
this marriage thing.
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73. It was invented back when "till death"
meant "till your first cold."
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74. Life's too long
to spend it with someone else.
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75. - It's a sucker's game.
- It's a mutual cop out.
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76. I mean, just nut up and die alone.
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77. - We're so happy for you!
- You are glowing.
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78. I know, isn't it exciting?
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79. The rehearsal is in two days,
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80. and the wedding is the day after that,
on our anniversary.
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81. And I'm sure you all can make it,
because you're already here.
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82. A wedding in the study room?
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83. Our church has certain policies
regarding things like second weddings,
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84. and tight jeans and...
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85. Calico cats.
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86. Jeff, I was wondering
if you would do us the honor
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87. of giving a toast at our wedding?
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88. Good idea!
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89. Jeff has a lot of thoughts
about marriage.
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90. I would be honored.
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91. Do you need any help
with your wedding?
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92. This probably sounds silly,
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93. but every time I see a wedding idea,
I put it in a little scrapbook.
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94. Oh, that's nice.
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95. We can help too.
We just saw
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96. the Inspector Spacetime wedding episode,
so we know what pitfalls to avoid.
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97. Be sure to get a DNA reading
of your prospective mate.
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98. Inspector marrying himself as a baby.
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99. I think I got this.
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100. Everyone just come and...
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101. Relax and behave normally.
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102. The noise of people offended
by all movies rents by Annie.
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103. We'll try not to embarrass you
at your college library wedding.
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104. I'veset up a meeting with the Dean,
we can pitch him our sandwich shop idea.
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105. I've already registered a website...
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106. It's, http, colon,
forward slash, forward slash,
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107. w-w-w, period, members, period,
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108. webplicity custom sites...
All one word... period,
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109. - c-o...
- I don't know, Pierce.
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110. I'm way too busy for that
with the wedding and everything.
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111. Bye-bye, everybody.
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112. I have to practice my walk.
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113. Great.
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114. Another business venture
down the toilet.
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115. No problem, I've still got plan "C."
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116. Ladies and gentlemen,
the trouser bench.
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117. For the man on the go
who makes frequent stops.
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118. Will somebody please call
all the ambulances?
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119. I can't believe Shirley.
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120. We should show up at this wedding
and be the most normal people.
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121. Yeah, I could go as normal man
and you as my trusty sidekick Ordinario.
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122. That's already weird.
We'd be playing into her hand.
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123. We should just show up
wearing boring gray suits
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124. with gray ties and gray shirts.
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125. We could dye our hair gray.
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126. And then we could lay down
on the sidewalk and be invisible.
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127. Maybe Shirley's got a point.
I have an idea.
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128. What if we purged
all the weirdness from our systems?
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129. - You mean...
- A full 24-hour weird-down
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130. in the dreamatorium.
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131. You, me, and our imaginations.
No restraints.
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132. By the wedding, our temptation
to act weird will be gone.
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133. I'm feeling more normal already.
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134. - Crab walk home?
- Yeah.
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135. Shirley, my ninth-grade
English teacher used to say,
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136. "there will always be a reason
not to follow your dreams."
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137. At the time, he meant
I was under the age of consent.
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138. But his words still apply.
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139. Are you sure your wedding is the reason
you bailing this business with Pierce?
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140. In the words
of my ninth-grade English teacher,
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141. "you are dippin' and dappin'
and don't know what's happenin'."
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142. Fine, we both went to public school.
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143. I don't want to see you slide
into your old comfort zone.
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144. You don't know that.
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145. I am gonna start a business...
Soon!
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146. I can't help it
if I have floral arrangements to pick
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147. and a DJ to hire...
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148. If that really is your excuse,
I will plan your wedding for you!
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149. Oh, my good God.
Thank you for that.
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150. I was serious.
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151. - You're not planning my wedding.
- What if Annie helps?
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152. Did someone say "Annie",
"help,"wedding,"
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153. and something about maybe hydrangeas?
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154. Shirley, you can lie to yourself,
but you can't lie to me.
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155. Do not use your second wedding
as an excuse to limit yourself.
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156. Come here.
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157. Shirley, do you take this man
to be your business partner?
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158. - I guess.
- Sure.
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159. I had to shelve
the trouser bench anyway.
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160. There are still some parts
of the prototype
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161. that need to be extracted.
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162. Maybe you're misunderstanding?
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163. I mean, from my butt.
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164. Excuse me.
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165. Meet Shirley,
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166. she's modern, she's urban,
she's fun, and she's hungry.
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167. You probably notice she's black,
but not a stereotype...
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168. - Suburban black.
- Is she suburban or urban?
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169. She's half-urban.
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170. Let's say...
Writer's secret, bad pitch...
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171. Her father's a record producer,
her mother's a Shirelle.
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172. We're supposed to be
preparing a business pitch.
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173. What about revenue projections?
What are the margins gonna be?
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174. Sweet, innocent Shirley.
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175. - What was the question?
- Look.
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176. This was Britta's stupid idea.
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177. I'd rather be with my man,
planning my wedding,
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178. and you'd clearly rather be
with Halle Berry in 1999.
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179. Pleasure not doing business with you.
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180. Shirley, Hawthorne wipes fired me.
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181. They were just waiting
for my dad to be out of the picture.
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182. I'm not an entrepreneur.
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183. I'm just a kid
with a bunch of money, I...
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184. Please, please, help me be somebody.
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185. Let me invest in you.
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186. First thing we need to figure out
is our overhead.
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187. Do you have a pen?
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188. These pockets.
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189. Do you know someone
that can buy a pen?
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190. Have you thought
about the color story for your wedding?
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191. He means the theme of the wedding.
Right, Dale?
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192. Same theme as every wedding...
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193. Conformity, blind participation,
and patriarchal...
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194. - What about pink?
- We don't call it pink.
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195. We don't call anything by its name.
Like day-one floral school stuff.
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196. This is citrine.
This is opalescent.
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197. This is sea glass, cameo,
and cerulean.
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198. Come on, how difficult is this?
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199. You do one of these, one of these,
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200. one of these, this one,
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201. this one and, like,
stick a ribbon on it. Happy?
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202. That's a really
beautiful arrangement.
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203. Color me lavender.
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204. "Lavender" means "impressed."
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205. Yeah, well, great...
Flowers look good in a pot.
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206. There are people dying in Uganda.
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207. Got it.
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208. What!
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209. Don't eat my skin!
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210. I am shaving everything!
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211. - Well, that should do it.
- Yeah.
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212. Isn't tonight Shirley wedding rehearsal?
Look at how we're dressed.
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213. Yes, this simply won't do.
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214. Let's change into something appropriate
and be on our way.
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215. I agree.
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216. Troy and Abed being normal.
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217. I need your help.
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218. You're, like, sentimental and stuff.
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219. I'm really having trouble
with a toast.
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220. I find that hard to believe.
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221. You convinced Troy that turtlenecks
were made of turtles' necks.
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222. It's true, my superpower is
that I can assume any position
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223. that suits my purpose.
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224. In that example...
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225. Keeping turtlenecks as an option
for myself.
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226. But I do have a kryptonite.
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227. It's so obvious to me
that marriage is dumb,
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228. I can't pretend to get behind it.
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229. What would make the perfect toast?
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230. You, as Shirley's friend
and a good guy,
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231. saying what's really in your heart.
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232. There's something real in there.
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233. Maybe that's what scares you.
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234. I could use a drink.
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235. Shirley's sandwiches can offer students
more food for less money,
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236. and provide the campus
with more profits.
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237. Next slide.
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238. That's me!
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239. Where'd I get all that money
I'm holding?
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240. Here's the reasons
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241. that my sandwiches
and your cafeteria are going
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242. to be successful.
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243. Then I'm writing this down?
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244. Wait.
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245. Here's a pen.
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246. Holy crap!
Britta, you're really good at this.
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247. - I know.
- What's wrong with you?
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248. This may shock you, Annie,
but I come from a long line
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249. of wives and mothers.
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250. Many do.
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251. But I ran away from it my whole life.
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252. I refused to give Santa
a Christmas list,
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253. because I didn't want to depend
on any man.
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254. And now, look at me!
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255. I'm Betty Crocker.
I'm Martha Stewart.
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256. I'm one of the Steppenwolf wives.
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257. I'm gonna make man
very happy someday.
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258. Easy.
Slow down.
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259. - What's with you guys?
- We de-whimsified ourselves.
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260. Yep. We're normal now.
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261. Good?
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262. Anybody seen Shirley?
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263. She's late
to the rehearsal for her wedding?
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264. You don't have to be sarcastic.
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265. I'm not.
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266. We're invested in your situation.
Nothing's more important to us
Copy !req
267. than your second wedding's
rehearsal going smoothly.
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268. Walk away, man.
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269. Hey!
Did you think of a toast?
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270. Well, yeah.
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271. I had a drink,
and I looked in my heart,
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272. and here's what I got so far...
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273. - "Webster's dictionary defines..."
- Gah! Stop!
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274. "Webster's dictionary defines"?
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275. That's the Jim Belushi
of speech openings...
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276. It accomplishes nothing,
everyone keeps using it,
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277. - and nobody understands why.
- It's all I got.
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278. That took me eight hours
and six Macallan Neats.
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279. I'm sorry, I just
don't believe in marriage.
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280. I do.
It's inevitable.
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281. And then I'd put a counter
across here and the ovens there.
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282. And how fiscal will
the quarterly earnings be?
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283. Well, initially, the fiscal...
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284. - Wait, that question makes no sense.
- I know.
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285. I just want to sound
as good at business as you are.
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286. I probably shouldn't say this,
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287. but I cannot believe you learned
all this at Greendale.
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288. You're very professional.
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289. I am, aren't I?
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290. I brought sodas,
so we can toast to our futures.
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291. Look at me now, dad.
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292. Dad? Oh, my God,
I'm supposed to be looking like a bride
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293. for my wedding rehearsal
to the dad of my children.
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294. That was...
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295. and odd dot to connect.
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296. Give me another.
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297. What's with you?
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298. This is who I am.
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299. Andre, sorry I'm late.
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300. I have wonderful news.
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301. - Where were you?
- Uh, getting wonderful news.
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302. - The Dean loved our pitch and...
- Your pitch?
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303. - Iwait for you for two hours.
- Oh, no. Has it been that long?
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304. I'm so sorry.
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305. Don't you dare
use your sexy voice on me.
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306. It's just a rehearsal.
Lord knows we've done it before.
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307. That's not the point.
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308. This wedding was supposed to be
the start of us getting back to normal.
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309. - Back to normal?
- Yes.
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310. I need to not be Mr. Mom anymore.
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311. Okay, I got to get back
to my stereo business.
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312. You know my store's been struggling.
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313. I'm sorry, Andre,
Copy !req
314. but "normal" went out the door
the day you did.
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315. If we can't get back
to the way things were,
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316. why are we getting remarried?
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317. These shrimp are to die for.
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318. Walk the plank.
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319. I think you've mistaken us
for pirates.
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320. We are community college students.
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321. I just had an odd thought.
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322. What if you go from weird to normal,
you can never go back to being weird?
Copy !req
323. - That is an odd thought.
- The last I hope.
Copy !req
324. Cheers to that, my everyday friend.
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325. Hello, everyone.
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326. Shirley asked me to say something nice
at her wedding.
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327. - This is the rehearsal.
- Shut up, Leonard!
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328. Those girls you play
ping-pong with are doing it ironically.
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329. I searched my heart...
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330. For something nice to say
at a wedding.
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331. And I found nothing,
so I had a drink.
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332. And then I looked real hard.
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333. And you know what I found?
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334. My daddy said he would stay
with my mommy forever, and he left!
Copy !req
335. Marriage is a lie!
Copy !req
336. Nobody commits to this!
Copy !req
337. Nobody stays with anybody forever,
so why do we keep lying?
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338. I'm gonna stay with somebody forever.
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339. It's in my stupid DNA.
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340. I was born to be a wife
and that's all I'm ever gonna be!
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341. You expect weto} believe that?
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342. I don't care if anybody
believes it, jackass!
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343. - It's a fact!
- Prove it, ding dong!
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344. There are a lot of layers to this.
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345. It's almost too conceptual
to follow, but...
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346. I love it.
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347. So that's what this
was all about, Andre?
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348. - Wanting me back in the kitchen?
- You don't lovebeing wife and mother?
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349. Of course,
but that's not all I'm about anymore.
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350. Hi, sorry, don't want to interrupt.
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351. But you are cordially invited
to prevent a disaster.
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352. I promise to put your dreams
before mine.
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353. I promise to bottle up my repulsion
at the sight of your hair in the drain.
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354. I promise to earn no more than
70% of what you would make
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355. at the same job.
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356. - What about babies? How many?
- What? Pick a number, dick!
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357. Like, it's up to me!
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358. What in God's name are you two doing?
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359. Getting married.
What does it look like we're doing?
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360. You two are damn fools.
Oh, sorry.
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361. - I'll allow it.
- I am a fool.
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362. I was a fool to think I wasn't
destined for a life of this.
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363. Look around.
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364. Can you even imagine
what kind of wedding I could throw
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365. if I actually gave a crap?
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366. No offense.
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367. Knock it off.
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368. Good at weddings
doesn't make you good at marriage.
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369. Exactly.
Copy !req
370. People can make all sorts of promises,
but they never stick it out.
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371. It's not something you just stick out.
It's a risk that you take together.
Copy !req
372. And you don't just promise it once.
You got to promise it every day.
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373. But the person you make promises to
is going to change.
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374. You have to accept that.
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375. I do.
Copy !req
376. But do you promise to be patient
when that person's stereo business
Copy !req
377. takes a little while
to get off the ground.
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378. I do, but...
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379. Do you accept ten years is not a while
and that iPod's aren't going away,
Copy !req
380. and maybe it's time to let
somebody else take the lead?
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381. I do.
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382. You do?
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383. Baby, I swear I do.
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384. Then I promise I will do
whatever it takes
Copy !req
385. to make this work forever.
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386. Well, in that case,
let's rehearse this bad boy.
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387. Actually, you pretty much just married
each other.
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388. If I pronounce you man and wife,
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389. you can kiss the bride
Copy !req
390. and you can save like, um, 70 bucks.
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391. What do you say, baby?
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392. Done and done.
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393. Husband and wife.
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394. Now how about it?
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395. Let's party!
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396. Lame.
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397. We're weird.
We need to be weird.
Copy !req
398. You want something weird? This dance.
What is this? The "Lindbergh lean"?
Copy !req
399. What'll they think of next?
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400. Inspector Spacetime...
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401. Thank the cosmic engineer
I found you.
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402. This is hardly the time.
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403. Or is it hardly the space?
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404. I see what you did.
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405. I have to get back to my Lindbergh lean
with... Sorry, your name?
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406. Inspector...
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407. What sort of creature would do a dance
called the Lindbergh lean?
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408. - Blorgons?
- Blorgons.
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409. My name's Danielle.
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410. Constable Reggie, it appears
the Blorgons have developed
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411. the ability to take human form.
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412. Weirdos.
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413. Your photonic bowler hat.
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414. Blorgon patrol.
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415. Shirley, I have some
good news and bad news.
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416. The good news is the board
loved your sandwich shop idea.
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417. The bad news: they made a few calls
and sold the space to Subway.
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418. What? Pierce and I put
a lot of work into that idea.
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419. How could you do this, Dean?
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420. I'm sorry!
The board went over my head on this one.
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421. And I don't remember
being invited to your wedding,
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422. so I guess we're even
on the hurting-each-other front.
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423. I'm a blast at weddings.
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424. There go all my dreams.
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425. This is just a setback.
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426. You don't have to give up
just because of subway.
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427. I better go break the news to Pierce.
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428. He's not gonna like this.
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429. Remember his temper tantrum
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430. when Adam Sandler "stole"
his idea for Jack and Jill?
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431. You're underestimating him.
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432. Is a lot more mature
than we all give him credit for.
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433. Look at me now, dad!
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434. How's it taste?
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435. How many sandwich places
did you have?
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436. None!
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