Community 3x1

Directed by Anthony Russo

Matt Pittenger as Cinjin • Mel Rodriguez as Sgt. Nunez • Tate Hanyok as Deidre • Travis Richey as Inspector Spacetime (voice) • Derwin Jordan as Reggie

The Greendale study group reunites. Jeff butts heads with the new biology teacher and Dean Pelton finds a new nemesis in the dean of the Air Conditioning Repair Annex.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. We're gonna fly to school each morning

2. We're gonna smile the entire time

3. We're gonna be more happy

4. We're gonna finally be fine

5. We're gonna get more calm and normal

6. We're gonna fix our state of mind

7. We're gonna be less crazy

8. We're gonna finally be fine

9. We're gonna stand holding hands in a brand new land

10. Far away from the borderline

11. We're gonna seem like a mainstream dream

12. And be appealing to all mankind

13. We're gonna have more fun and be less weird

14. Than the first two years combined

15. And we're gonna live forever

16. And we're gonna sleep together

17. And we're gonna finally be sunny and shinily

18. We're gonna finally be fine

19. Sorry. What was the question?

20. What are we gonna do without Pierce in the study group this year?

21. We'll figure it out.

22. Speaking of figuring things out,

23. me and Abed have an announcement.

24. We are living together.

25. - That's... - That's nice.

26. We're registered at Linens'n things.

27. We have linens. We mainly want the things.

28. How you like me now, bitches?

29. You seem different. Are you in a play right now?

30. Over the summer, I decided it's time to whip this place into shape.

31. I'm gonna be a mean, lean, deaning machine.

32. No more paintball, no more spaceships,

33. no more trampolines, and no more...

34. - What is that? - The monkey that lives in the vents.

35. I named him "Annie's boobs," after Annie's boobs.

36. See,

37. this is the kind of national lampoonery that is coming to an end this year.

38. Homie don't dean this.

39. Let's get to biology on time. I don't want to be a screw-up this year.

40. We're doing this without Pierce?

41. So sad.

42. We have parted ways with our closest, oldest, craziest, racist, oldest,

43. elderly, crazy friend, and he's not coming back.

44. I'm back.

45. - How was your summer? - Enlightful, Annie.

46. I underwent three months of intensive soul-rezoning

47. at the Laser Lotus celebrity center.

48. I stand before you a more highly evolved Pierce Hawthorne,

49. one that can accept that this table

50. has a sort of magic in it.

51. - And I'd like to come back. - Damn it!

52. Sorry.

53. I just had the frustrating realization that you can't come back to the group,

54. 'cause you're not in biology and it's filled up.

55. Couldn't we take something else?

56. Surely we've evolved beyond caring what class we take together.

57. I'll do you one better.

58. I think we've evolved beyond reliance on a group at all.

59. Aren't we just actual friends now, no matter where we are?

60. You know what's magic about this table?

61. It magically keeps our books from falling on the floor.

62. The table's for studying,

63. but as friends, we've evolved.

64. And let's use that first breath

65. of crisp, new, super evolved air

66. to declare proudly and in one voice,

67. "Pierce...

68. "We'll see you when we see you."

69. Don't tell the monkey I'm living here.

70. - Feygnasse Team -

71. La Fabrique ::.

72. 3x01: Biology 101

73. Star-Burns,

74. I see you added a lizard to your special hat and sideburns.

75. - Am I missing anything? - Yeah!

76. The human being underneath it all,

77. but no one's interested in that, are they?

78. I hope we did the right thing about Pierce.

79. - He really seems like he's changed. - Are you nuts?

80. That's what he wants you to think. Trust me, we're better off without him.

81. Excluding him is what drove him crazy last year.

82. Wrong, being crazy drove him excluded.

83. - What? - Cougar Town has moved to mid-season.

84. That's never a good sign. Not cool, not cool.

85. Buddy, it's coming back in January.

86. Six seasons and a movie.

87. This is intro to biology.

88. I'm your professor, Dr. Marshall King, PHD.

89. It took me 6,205 hours to get my degree,

90. and I know,

91. because I was only allowed in the library

92. one hour per day at the San Vicente correctional facility

93. while serving a sentence of 25 to life.

94. Now let's talk about that word.

95. "Life."

96. Sorry. It's a new phone.

97. Switching to vibrate.

98. Continue. This is really great.

99. I stared at a crack in the ground in my cell for years,

100. and one day, something grew from it.

101. A single blade of grass.

102. Vibrates louder than the ringer.

103. You know what? Turning it off.

104. Living thing,

105. growing from dead stone.

106. Get out!

107. - It's off, it's off. - Out!

108. I turned it off.

109. Fine. Okay, fine. I'm leaving.

110. Don't bother coming back.

111. Seriously?

112. Dude, Sean Penn called.

113. He says to dial it back.

114. - Sean Penn is... - I know who Sean Penn is.

115. I've seen Milk. Now get out.

116. Dude, learn to blend.

117. I will not tolerate monkeys living on campus.

118. If I wanted to run a monkey hotel,

119. I'd install a banana buffet.

120. I'd use vines as elevators,

121. and I'd put tail holes in the bathrobes, and I'd lower all the shower knobs.

122. - You've really thought this through. - And now it's your turn.

123. Brainstorm. Idea shower.

124. Spray your solutions all over me.

125. Well, we could seal all the vents

126. and then pump the ducts with some kind of gas

127. that knocks out monkeys.

128. Monkey knockout gas!

129. Now that's the kind of grounded, sensible thinking

130. I want to see this year.

131. - Catherine, who's next? - Vice dean Laybourne

132. from the air conditioning repair school annex.

133. - Vice dean. - New suit, dean?

134. New dean, vice dean.

135. I see that you used school funds to buy an espresso machine

136. for your faculty break room.

137. I don't recall being consulted on that.

138. I don't consult you on anything.

139. That's the problem.

140. The air-conditioning repair school annex seems to think

141. that it's separate from Greendale,

142. but it's an annex.

143. An appendage, on a body, with a head,

144. and this head is saying to this appendage,

145. "whazup?"

146. What you say makes sense.

147. Tell you what.

148. You bring your head down to my appendage tomorrow,

149. and I'll show you "whazup."

150. I'll be there.

151. I think I found something that will help Abed!

152. Abed, did you know that Cougar Town is an American adaptation

153. of a 1990s British sitcom?

154. Cougarton Abbey.

155. Just been'round Cougarton chapel.

156. - I may be having an awakening. - Come off it, Deidre.

157. You've only been having a butchers at the choir boys.

158. Better than nothing.

159. Can you believe that guy, kicking me out of class like that?

160. It's gonna be impossible

161. to find a science class with six open spots.

162. - Why would we need to do that? - I'm not in biology anymore.

163. And neither is Pierce, but you're both still our friends.

164. We've evolved.

165. Right, Jeff?

166. We have.

167. And we all love each other.

168. And we all go to the same school, so...

169. I guess I'll see ya when I see ya.

170. Guess what.

171. I was on the wait list for biology,

172. somebody got kicked out, I am.

173. Here to study!

174. All hail, sir eats alone.

175. Shut up, Leonard. I heard about your prescription socks.

176. Sorry, I've got a new favorite show, and I'm only on episode six.

177. You guys got five minutes left to eat.

178. Time flies when you're studying the science of life.

179. It is when you're joking around

180. about movie titles that sound like names for poops.

181. Remains of the day.

182. Wait a second.

183. Were you eavesdropping on our study session?

184. I was eavesdropping on your goof-off session,

185. and you dummies missed the most obvious one.

186. I said Green Mile.

187. Operation dumbo drop!

188. Too clever by half.

189. All right, I gotta go. Thanks for the five minutes.

190. Blimey.

191. The barrister's foreclosed the abbey.

192. Fancy a drink, then?

193. Ol, fetch us a... hemlock.

194. Why did everyone on Cougarton Abbey just die?

195. They only ran six episodes.

196. That's the great thing about British TV.

197. Give you closure.

198. We'll find you a new favorite show!

199. Come on.

200. You are human tennis elbow.

201. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth.

202. You're the opposite of Batman.

203. You don't need them.

204. Exactly. I'll see 'em when I see 'em.

205. Totally.

206. We should hang out some time. Grab a drink?

207. Sure. Where are you living now?

208. The air vents.

209. I live in the air vents of the school.

210. I'm free, Jeff.

211. Free!

212. I gotta get back in that class.

213. Real dean coming through...

214. My goodness spacious,

215. vice dean...

216. Is this where Greendale's money is going?

217. More accurately, dean,

218. it's where Greendale's money comes from.

219. Our air-conditioning program has a job placement rate

220. five times higher than the rest of your school combined.

221. Our alumni donations comprise 80% of your entire school's budget.

222. And you want to know

223. why we think we deserve an espresso machine?

224. Well, I guess I didn't know.

225. And you never had to, dean.

226. You could have lived your life in blissful ignorance

227. and died a happy, pansexual imp.

228. But you wanted to feel power this year.

229. Well, now, you're going to feel my power

230. as it surges downward from me, straight through you,

231. from nostril to rectum, now until the end of time.

232. And that's...

233. "whazup".

234. I forgot everything you said before "rectum"!

235. Who are these guys?

236. This is my legal team

237. because I think it's time we worked out a new agreement.

238. Doesn't look like a lawyer.

239. That's a barber.

240. Because I'm also sick of that ridiculous goatee.

241. You look like a white Lou Gossett, Jr.

242. You deserve a bigger office.

243. Biggest office I ever had.

244. I'm here to apologize, Dr King, and beg you for a seat in biology.

245. You wanna learn about life? Give up the phone.

246. You want a bribe?

247. I can't be bought, man. You feel me?

248. See, prison was my walls.

249. But you put your walls up.

250. You, and your phone, and your attitude,

251. and your fruit loops cologne.

252. Your walls put up so tight,

253. not even a blade of grass could get through.

254. But even if it did, you wouldn't appreciate it.

255. That's why you can't come back.

256. What's your problem with me, man?

257. And don't act like it's not about me specifically,

258. 'cause you've been in...

259. Busted!

260. Take it easy, Winger.

261. Everything okay?

262. It is now that I have this.

263. This is my ticket to getting back in the group.

264. I want to be in the group so bad!

265. All right, let's smoke 'em and choke 'em.

266. What is that?

267. Monkey gas!

268. All your friends are here. They wanna talk to you.

269. How is this different from the way he always is?

270. Don't wanna push it, but it's a great time to baptize him.

271. Abed, maybe this can be your new favorite show.

272. It's a British sci-fi series that's been on the air since 1962.

273. Britta, you've done enough.

274. Why don't you go start a ruiners' club? Wait, you'd probably just ruin it.

275. Well then, I'd be doing a good job because it's a ruiners' club.

276. You ruined my analogy.

277. Guys, look!

278. Blimey, inspector! Where are we this time?

279. The question isn't where, Constable,

280. but when.

281. Inspector, look out! Blorgons!

282. Eradicate!

283. The best show I've ever seen.

284. Having fun without me again?

285. What happened? You look 70.

286. Abed has a new favorite TV show.

287. It's called Inspector Spacetime.

288. Can it, boobs. I came here to let you know

289. that your best friend Pierce is the one that got me kicked out

290. of bio class and the study group.

291. It was a plan he hatched,

292. from the beginning, with his pal, professor Kane.

293. That's a photo I gave our professor of me

294. visiting Hawthorne wipes' spokesman

295. and rap artist Sugar Cube in prison during the '90s.

296. They look alike.

297. I guess they share one important feature in your eyes.

298. Well, that's not fair!

299. Look, I was standing far away, and I saw the prison uniform!

300. Obviously I don't mean all black people are in prison!

301. Jeff, clearly you have gone off the deep end.

302. Don't blame him.

303. The table is powerful, and being cut off from it...

304. Shut the...

305. I've become...

306. agitated.

307. I apologize.

308. We'll continue this discourse at a later date.

309. Good night.

310. He just needs some space.

311. I'm going to kill the one thing you love!

312. I will kill it!

313. As long as it breathes, it controls our lives!

314. I came by to tell you this year isn't gonna be that different.

315. With the notable exception, we really won't have any money.

316. Have a nice night.

317. What is with that guy?

318. Did you find the monkey?

319. Here's the invoice for the gassing.

320. As it turns out, I cannot pay this...

321. Or your salaries. Starting on...

322. Two weeks ago.

323. But, what I do have are these vouchers

324. for the classes of your choosing.

325. You're lucky I need my scuba certification.

326. I'm the one living in your vents.

327. I have no home and no job.

328. Does that mean you'll work for room and board?

329. I was lying the whole time.

330. I didn't want the group to evolve.

331. I just didn't want Pierce around. I hate him.

332. Okay, but Jeff, what you did, it's hard to get past that.

333. I know you're already out of the study group, but...

334. I have to ask that you stop being my friend.

335. Everybody, here's the thing:

336. I am not as evolved as I said I was.

337. The biology class was full,

338. so I told professor Kane I'd pay him a few thousand dollars to...

339. kick Jeff out.

340. - What? - Pierce!

341. What?

342. I can't believe Jeff attacked a table with an axe

343. and still is the second craziest man in the room.

344. Everybody in favor of voting Pierce out of the group?

345. Stop!

346. Pierce isn't crazy.

347. The table...

348. is... magic.

349. I've been on the other side,

350. so I can tell you.

351. It's a scary, lonely, Chang-filled world out there,

352. and sure, this group has sprouted some legs,

353. but why are we in such a rush to leave the tide pool?

354. When the only things waiting for us on shore...

355. are the sands of time,

356. and the hungry seagulls of slowly growing apart.

357. I really need this biology class.

358. Pr. Kane has never taken a bribe. You feel me?

359. I lied,

360. but you seem to have a harder time being the bad guy than me.

361. You're right.

362. I do.

363. Which, in a weird way, makes me a pretty bad guy.

364. - We're the same. - Please don't.

365. Jeff, but you're still kicked out of biology.

366. I'm not worried about it.

367. Life has a way of breaking through.

368. So, here's what I'm thinking.

369. I'm a drug dealer, right?

370. And you're a scientist,

371. so couldn't we get, like, a Breaking Bad type of thing going?

372. Sorry, Star-Face, you just lost your seat in my class.

373. There, now the table is up. Good as new.

374. And so is Abed.

375. I'm sorry I was overprotective about it.

376. - I'll try to be more supportive. - Here's your first chance.

377. Helping Abed has inspired me to finally declare a major.

378. I'll study psychology.

379. Like in a research capacity?

380. No, in a hands-on capacity. I'm gonna be a therapist.

381. Keep it down.

382. There's a new sheriff in town.

383. Interesting.

384. We'll all die this year.