Columbo 3x7

1. What did he mean, murder?

2. And why am I talking to somebody from Homicide?

3. I appreciate it, sir, but, uh, my ears pop in an elevator.

4. As a matter of fact, I don't even like being this tall.

5. You know, I'm very happy you told me that.

6. Why's that?

7. Well, you know, that's what started your brother-in-law thinking that

8. you had something to do with murdering his sister.

9. Here, I'll park the car for you, Mr. Brown.

10. Thank you.

11. How's the box office going for tonight?

12. All sold out, sir.

13. That's great!

14. Ah, thank you, sir.

15. I want you to check out the sound system, Luke.

16. I want you to find me an engineer.

17. Okay.

18. While I'm performing,

19. I want you to keep the candy hawkers

20. and the picture sellers out of the aisle.

21. I don't want them out there

22. when I'm trying to do a show.

23. I always do.

24. Yeah, you're really on the ball, ain't you, Luke?

25. I try, Tommy.

26. Thank you very much. Thank you.

27. Thank you.

28. I'll be right back.

29. Tommy, kiss me. Tommy boy, kiss me.

30. Tommy, kiss me.

31. Please kiss me, Tommy.

32. Hmm, maybe later.

33. Tommy?

34. All right now. Do you all hear me?

35. You're going home.

36. You hear me? You all go home.

37. He's not coming out and he's not asking you all in.

38. So please go home.

39. I'm asking you nicely now, go home.

40. Officers, you get them. Clear the crowd.

41. Hurry them along officers, please.

42. Thank you.

43. Sis.

44. Yes?

45. When you gonna tell me what you got on Tommy

46. that makes him toe the line like that?

47. Well, I'll tell you when I think it's fit for you to know.

48. Shucks, Sis, if anything ever happens to you—

49. Well, the good Lord will see that it doesn't.

50. How about later?

51. Not so good.

52. It's coming out the teletype now

53. from our Los Angeles weather station.

54. Coastal fog moving in after midnight

55. and, uh, they're forecasting zero ceiling and visibility

56. in the Basin and foothills.

57. But you can beat it if you take off in the next half hour.

58. Thanks.

59. I'd like to persuade you people to come back, Mrs. Brown.

60. Hell, we can sell out Tommy Brown for damn near a month here.

61. I don't hold with profanity, Mr. Dodds.

62. Oh, I'm sorry.

63. To the Lost Soul Crusade,

64. "hell" and "damnation" are not words to be taken lightly.

65. Yes, ma'am, but what about extending?

66. We're booked into Los Angeles this week.

67. And then we have special ceremonies for the groundbreaking

68. at the tabernacle site on Tuesday.

69. Are you folks really spending $5 million to build it?

70. It'll be the finest temple to the glory of the Almighty in America.

71. The first $1 million is already in escrow.

72. Mrs. Brown, your end of tonight's take

73. is $30,000, we took in about $50,000.

74. Fine.

75. Will you be waiting around for it?

76. Luke will.

77. But I'll want to check the figures myself as soon they're ready.

78. Yes, ma'am. Won't be long.

79. When are we taking off?

80. I want to talk to you.

81. I'm listening.

82. Alone.

83. Well, now, if what you want to talk about

84. is what you're all the time talking about,

85. Maryann can stay.

86. She's got a lot to do with it.

87. We got a good thing going, Edna,

88. and it would be crazy to bust it up.

89. Bust it up?

90. I'm not aiming to.

91. I am.

92. You've got $1 million in escrow to build a tabernacle

93. and you can't get the rest without me.

94. I know that, Tommy.

95. And I was thinking, maybe you and I could compromise, Edna.

96. You take half the money for the Crusade and I'll take half.

97. Every penny goes to the Crusade

98. until that tabernacle is built.

99. You can push a man too far, Edna.

100. I'm being used and I don't like it.

101. Other singers drive around in Ferraris, Rolls,

102. I don't even own a car.

103. It's me they come to hear, Edna.

104. It's my records they buy.

105. It was me who got you a parole

106. to get you away from that Arkansas prison farm

107. or you'd still be rotting there.

108. I kept my part of the deal, Edna.

109. I married you and I've been faithful to you.

110. Because I watch you.

111. You are a lustful sinner, Tommy.

112. I saw the expression on your face

113. when you were gonna kiss that lost child.

114. If it wasn't for me you'd be using the Crusade

115. to lure her to some motel right now,

116. or into the back of your car if you had one.

117. If I had one.

118. May God forgive me

119. for letting a devil help me build a temple.

120. And what if your devil quits, what are you going to do?

121. Why now, it would all go down the drain,

122. and you and me with it.

123. I seem to remember a little Bible myself, Edna.

124. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord."

125. It was also written:

126. "The Lord works in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform."

127. I am his instrument

128. and I would punish you, Tommy.

129. Maryann and me.

130. Those people out there just might not believe you and Maryann.

131. How about those motels

132. where you register as a father and daughter with Maryann?

133. How old were you then, child?

134. 16.

135. 16.

136. All those phony names,

137. the dark glasses that haven't been seen through yet.

138. Of course, you weren't so well-known then.

139. But your handwriting has got to be on some of those registers.

140. And one of those clerks could recognize Maryann,

141. and you, too, if she pointed the finger.

142. Hasn't been but three years, Tommy,

143. but I've read the law.

144. The statute of limitations

145. hasn't run out yet on the Mann Act.

146. Statutory rape.

147. Oh, no. You won't quit the Crusade, Tommy.

148. You're a sanctimonious hypocrite

149. of a bible-spouting blackmailer

150. and I've given you your last chance to be fair.

151. Your insults and threats don't scare me.

152. Uh, Mr. Dodds is ready for you, sis.

153. Right. I won't be long.

154. Take your time. We can't fly now, anyway.

155. Oh. Why not?

156. Weather's bad in LA.

157. Improving after midnight.

158. We're not going to take a chance on leaving until after midnight.

159. I'm gonna grab a couple of hours of shut-eye.

160. Well, now, if you're thinking of looking for that child

161. that came to the door, you forget it.

162. Because I'll be right back,

163. to make sure that all you're grabbing is shut-eye.

164. You want me to fly back to LA with you?

165. No, I want you to ride on the bus, Luke.

166. There's mountains between here and LA

167. and that old crate don't climb so good with four people on board.

168. Making another hint for a new plane.

169. Tommy, you're wasting your breath.

170. Wasting my breath when I sing, too,

171. considering what I get out of it.

172. Hey, Luke, take this guitar on the bus with you.

173. You want me to put it in with the baggage?

174. No, I want you to put it on the seat right by you.

175. Don't put it under anything,

176. and don't let that guitar get broken, Luke.

177. Okay, Tommy.

178. Hi, Mr. Brown. Mrs. Brown.

179. Evening.

180. It sure is good to see you, sir.

181. Are we all fuelled up?

182. Uh, yes, sir. All systems go, Mr. Brown.

183. Sure. It's good taste you got in music there.

184. Uh, yes, sir.

185. Oh, I sure wish I could have gotten off

186. to go to that concert of yours tonight.

187. What's your name?Uh, Jeff.

188. Well, Jeff, next time I play Bakersfield,

189. I'll get you a couple of passes.

190. Oh, I sure do appreciate that, sir.

191. Sure, I'll be glad to it.

192. Oh, Mr. Brown.

193. All right, stow my luggage for me, will you?

194. Oh, sir, right away, sir.

195. Now, now, hurry, will you? Please.

196. Hey, Jeff.

197. Yes, sir.

198. These are keys to my rent-a-car.

199. It's got plenty of time left on it

200. so if you'd like to drive around awhile, go ahead.

201. Impress your girlfriend.

202. Oh, I sure do appreciate that, sir.

203. All right.

204. You'll do no such thing.

205. You'll turn that car in right away and I've checked the mileage.

206. Uh, yes, ma'am.

207. Oh, $5. I sure do appreciate that, sir.

208. All right, don't...

209. Get a hand there. Watch your feet.

210. There. Ah.

211. Tommy, we are cold.

212. Heater is busted. I got some coffee here.

213. Hot coffee.

214. Hold it for me, darling.

215. Tom, this is the most horrible coffee I've ever tasted.

216. Well, it's better than nothing.

217. Sorry. You can't come into this area.

218. I'm from the Los Angeles Police Department.

219. Lt. Columbo. Who's in charge here?

220. Mr. Pangborn.

221. Over there, being interviewed.

222. We're speaking with Mr. Roland Pangborn

223. of the air safety division of the National Transportation Safety Board.

224. Mr. Pangborn is heading up the investigation of this

225. very tragic air crash.

226. Do you have an opinion as to the cause of the crash, Mr. Pangborn?

227. Well, Hal, just the statement

228. the pilot made at the hospital.

229. He had a total electrical system's failure, and his, uh,

230. instruments and his radio were out.

231. However, I will say, unofficially,

232. that, uh, one of our main problems in this—

233. Save it.

234. What's the matter?

235. This fellow's been wandering around in this shot

236. and it's getting very distracting. Hal, I'm sorry.

237. Would you mind, just for a moment, please?

238. I'm sorry.

239. I've got you in the wide shot.

240. I think we can pick him up in a single.

241. Fine.

242. Uh, Mr. Pangborn, you were about to give us

243. an unofficial opinion of the cause of the crash.

244. Uh, excuse me, this is one of the big problems we have at these crash sites:

245. curiosity seekers.

246. Hold it for a minute, will you?

247. Sir!

248. I'll have to ask you to leave.

249. L.A.P.D., Lt. Columbo.

250. I just didn't want to identify myself in front of the reporter.

251. Why not?

252. Well, like you were saying,

253. better to be unofficial until you get the facts.

254. Well, just what facts have you got?

255. I don't have anything, just what I read in the morning newspaper.

256. I think it's a miracle this guy got out of the plane.

257. You know, it was a relief to my wife.

258. She's a big fan of this fellow's.

259. Knows all his albums.

260. Can you imagine getting out of this thing alive?

261. It's unusual. But not unheard of.

262. I'm not clear why there's police interest in this crash, Lieutenant.

263. Ah, you see, that's what I mean, you know.

264. As soon as you mention that you're from the police,

265. then right away, everybody starts speculating,

266. especially when you say you're from Homicide.

267. Homicide?

268. Why is Homicide interested in this, Lieutenant?

269. We got a complaint from a member of the family,

270. Mrs. Brown's brother.

271. What do you mean, complaint?

272. Nothing definite. Just suspicion of foul play.

273. But I heard what you just said over there.

274. It was electrical system failure.

275. That's what the pilot said.

276. And that's what you fellas will probably call the probable cause?

277. Contributing. Yeah, I'd say.

278. Unofficially, though.

279. It'll still probably be that old, reliable standby:

280. pilot error.

281. Almost always is.

282. You see, Brown was not instrument-rated

283. and he flew into minimal weather

284. and he lost his orientation.

285. Got the ship into a stall configuration and just spun in.

286. But that's always been and still is, as a matter of fact,

287. the number one causative factor

288. in private flying accidents of this type.

289. Sometimes augmented by a blood-alcohol count.

290. Mr. Pangborn, could you come back here

291. just for a moment? And bring your investigating team.

292. We're losing the light, it'll just take a moment.

293. We'd like to get this—this film to the lab.

294. Why don't you finish up?

295. Fellas, just come around and stand over on either side of me,

296. if you will, please.

297. Mr. Pangborn?

298. Bring him in. Ready? Okay,

299. get ready to roll.

300. Okay, that's it. Rolling.

301. All set? All right. Fine.

302. Hold it.

303. I'm—I'm sorry.

304. Look, just stand by with the lights.

305. You looking for something specific?

306. Uh, was that checked?

307. The engine? No, but it will be.

308. No, I didn't mean the engine.

309. What you said before,

310. Mr. Brown's blood count for alcohol.

311. At the hospital, at our request.

312. But no. He was cold sober, no drugs, nothing.

313. Mmm-hmm.

314. Listen, if the engine went into a stall,

315. would that be considered pilot error?

316. No, I-it's not the engine.

317. Lieutenant, when we speak of a stall, we mean stalling the wing.

318. Well, that's getting the ship into too steep a climb.

319. And that is easy to do

320. in tight weather with a blacked-out instrument panel.

321. No, he just shouldn't have been flying

322. around these mountains at low altitude

323. without an instrument rating in the kind of weather we had last night.

324. Um, Bakersfield to LA is an hour.

325. You know, by plane.

326. Couldn't he have gotten that weather ahead of time?

327. Told me he did when I talked to him at the hospital.

328. But he'd made the flight lots of times

329. and he felt he could sneak through okay.

330. Mr. Pangborn, please, we're losing the light.

331. Just for one moment, please, sir.

332. Why don't you finish it up, get it over with?

333. All right, roll it again now. Let's go.

334. Keeping it tight.

335. Mr. Pangborn.

336. Rolling.

337. As you can see, Mr. Pangborn and his staff are very busy people

338. and we have to interrupt our interview from time to time.

339. However, Mr. Pangborn has rejoined us again,

340. and with his permission, we'd like to continue.

341. Go right ahead.

342. I think the public is very interested in these

343. aircraft accident investigation techniques, Mr. Pangborn.

344. We'd certainly like to follow through on this one.

345. Would it be possible for our crew to cover

346. some of your procedures?

347. Oh, I think it could be arranged.

348. Now, if one of our questions is out of line, sir,

349. just say the word and we'll withdraw it.

350. Thank you.

351. I'll give you the regulation "no comment."

352. That's fair enough. First, I'd like to ask

353. if you have the pilot's statement,

354. why is it necessary to make any investigation at all?

355. Well, that's purely a routine.

356. There's no reflection at all on this pilot.

357. As a matter of fact, pilots are a very special breed of artists.

358. You know, it's called the art of flying.

359. And, uh, many of them are not really the strong or silent types

360. that are generally depicted.

361. Some of them are quite emotional.

362. They tend to blame themselves for a crash

363. even when it might have been due to circumstances beyond their control, you see.

364. You mean there might have been

365. some sort of mechanical failure

366. that even the pilot was unaware of?

367. Oh, exactly.

368. We'll take all of the engine,

369. electronic and structural parts of the wreckage

370. back to our hangar,

371. and give it a thorough examination.

372. We give it an X-ray, chemical analysis,

373. microscopic metallurgical testing, that sort of thing.

374. So, what we have is the pilot's statement

375. which makes our job easier.

376. A lot easier, and the situation a lot clearer.

377. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Pangborn.

378. This is Hal Fischer, in the Los Angeles mountains.

379. Okay, that's a wrap.

380. Got it.

381. He's saying he felt he could make it.

382. The same old story, the same old fatal results.

383. Were the two women sitting in the back?

384. Right.

385. Are these the seat-belts for the two backseats?

386. Yeah.

387. I noticed they weren't jarred open by the impact of the crash.

388. They never are.

389. Well, that explains it.

390. Explains what?

391. Why the pilot was thrown clear and the two women weren't.

392. I'm sorry, I—I just don't follow.

393. I noticed the pilot's seatbelt.

394. Yeah?

395. Not fastened.

396. I hadn't noticed.

397. My God, you're right.

398. It must have been open before the crash.

399. Oh, you got one of those, too?

400. Well, I'm just gonna make a note and ask Brown

401. why his belt wasn't fastened.

402. All right. Gee, that reminds me,

403. I gotta make the same note.

404. In this case, it probably saved his life.

405. Generally, the pi... the passengers sitting after the cockpit

406. have a better chance of survival in a crash of this type.

407. You got a minute, sir?

408. Yeah, sure.

409. Right this way.

410. What's this?

411. That's a pilot's navigation kit.

412. They keep their charts in it.

413. Uh, radio frequency, pamphlets,

414. lot of different things.

415. Gee, that's funny.

416. What?

417. No ashes.

418. I beg your pardon?

419. No ashes.

420. Seems empty.

421. Well, he could have taken the charts out

422. and laid them on the unoccupied co-pilot's seat.

423. But those ashes would be in among all those other ashes.

424. Ah, that would explain that.

425. You know something, Lieutenant,

426. I could use a man like you on my team.

427. It's really nothing but detective work.

428. Oh, no, thank you very much.

429. You fellas here, you have to fly.

430. Sure, we're all pilots.

431. Oh, no, not for me. Thank you very much.

432. I wouldn't qualify for that.

433. Why? We'll teach you.

434. I appreciate it, sir, but, uh, my ears pop in an elevator.

435. As a matter of fact, I don't even like being this tall.

436. How do you do, sir? My name is Mr. Grindell.

437. How do you do?

438. Are you a relative of Mrs. Brown?

439. No, I'm just here to see a relative—

440. I see, you are a friend of the family?

441. Oh, I'm sorry, you are a bit late.

442. You missed a lovely service.

443. Excuse me, sir.

444. Uh, Mr. Brown sang several popular hymns.

445. Rock of Ages—

446. I'm not a friend of the family.

447. Actually, I'm a policeman. Lt. Columbo, Homicide.

448. I beg your pardon.

449. I'm here to see Mr. Luke Baskin.

450. Yes. He's paying his last respects

451. before the bodies are—are shipped out to Nashville.

452. Uh, he's taking it a bit hard, you know.

453. But, uh, he will be out shortly.

454. Oh. Well, maybe I'll just wait out here.

455. Fine. Fine.

456. Lieutenant, this is one of my cards.

457. We handled all the arrangements here. Uh,

458. excuse me.

459. Thank you.

460. Oh.

461. Um, I'm a great admirer of the police department, you know.

462. Uh, I didn't know, but I'm always glad to hear that.

463. Why shouldn't you hear of it?

464. After all, you men are so ready

465. to give your life, uh, to save ours.

466. Well, uh, let's hope it doesn't come up too often.

467. Yes, yes, yes, but it does, doesn't it?

468. Especially in these violent times. Uh, it's uh...

469. Just this morning a-at breakfast with my dear wife Martha,

470. I glanced in the papers.

471. And I—I noted that the rate of the police mortality is just...

472. It's shocking. I mean it is just...

473. Well, you must be aware of that.

474. Well, we don't like to think about it too often.

475. But one should think of it, uh, shouldn't one?

476. Well, you know, I guess it's the kind of thing

477. that you don't do anything about until you actually have to.

478. But if you need a funeral,

479. uh, then you are not in condition to do anything about it, you see.

480. All right, I see what you mean.

481. Have you made plans for your own departure

482. from this mortal sphere?

483. No. Huh?

484. No, I haven't.

485. Yeah. I mean, it's not like, uh...

486. It's not the kind of thing where you make a reservation

487. or buy a ticket.

488. Yes, but yet,

489. a little foresight, for your dear ones I speak,

490. uh—uh, would prevent, uh, trouble

491. and, uh, expense—expense.

492. Excuse me just a moment.

493. Lieutenant, this is our brochure.

494. Now, from here, uh, you could choose, uh,

495. anything within your own means, uh—uh, from among

496. a—a large variety of plans that we have here.

497. Now, this, for instance—

498. Well, I—I appreciate it very much

499. but my wife does all the shopping in the family.

500. She'd be very upset if I bought anything,

501. you know, without talking to her about it first.

502. Of course. Of course.

503. It's very nice, husband and wife to decide in this.

504. Can we, uh, make an appointment? That'd be nice.

505. I couldn't talk to her about this, Mr. Grindell.

506. She'd think I was working on a dangerous case. She cries easily.

507. She cries when she loses at bowling, you know.

508. You're a hard sell, Lieutenant, huh?

509. Well, I'm sorry. Actually, you know, I was just here...

510. Oh, hi, Lieutenant.

511. Oh, hello, Mr. Baskin.

512. Did you find out anything?

513. Uh, thank you very much, sir.

514. Oh, I beg your pardon.

515. Gentlemen, excuse me.

516. Did you ever see Mr. Brown's navigation kit?

517. Sure, all the time.

518. Were you familiar with its contents?

519. Yeah, just a bunch of maps and charts.

520. You've seen these maps and charts?

521. Yeah.

522. Did you see them the day of the crash?

523. Uh, well, no, I didn't, uh, open the kit that day.

524. You mean, you had the kit in your hand that day?

525. Yeah.

526. I carried it from the plane to the car.

527. Was it heavy?

528. No, no more than usual.

529. Hmm.

530. Did you carry it back from the car to the plane when they left?

531. No, Tommy did.

532. Why? You on to something, Lieutenant?

533. No, I don't think so, sir. No.

534. Look, I'm not very smart,

535. and I don't know how he did it,

536. I just know that somehow he did.

537. 'Cause he hated my sister.

538. He never loved her. He just used her.

539. Yes, sir. You've told me that.

540. That doesn't explain why he would kill her.

541. She had something on him.

542. What?

543. I don't know. She wouldn't tell me.

544. Hmm.

545. I believe you're very sincere, sir.

546. But there's just no proof of anything.

547. Look, you don't know Tommy Brown like I do.

548. You've got to question him.

549. I'm going to do that.

550. But you must understand, it's just going to be a formality.

551. Then do it. Do it now. Do it today.

552. Yes, sir. I don't think that today would be the right time.

553. It's too close—

554. Lieutenant, I want you to see what Tommy Brown's like.

555. I want you to talk to him. Would you do that for me, please,

556. as a personal favor? Today? Please?

557. Uh, all right.

558. I'm coming with you.

559. ♪ that I lost somewhere

560. See what I mean, Lieutenant?

561. He couldn't wait.

562. Rented this place while he was still in the hospital.

563. $2,000 a month. What?

564. You know, there's no law against that, Mr. Baskin.

565. Listen to all that going around out yonder.

566. My sister ain't even in her grave yet.

567. But there's no law against that, either, Mr. Baskin.

568. Maybe it's not a good idea for you to see him right now.

569. Why not? I'm still working for him.

570. You know, I'll have to tell him you're the one who made the complaint.

571. Good.

572. I wanna see the look on his face when—

573. Now, just a minute. Now, listen to me.

574. When I talk to him, I'm gonna have to talk to him alone.

575. That's the only right way to do it.

576. And if you're gonna cause trouble—

577. I won't. I promise you, I won't do that.

578. Okay.

579. That's Mr. Brown?

580. That's him.

581. This looks good.

582. Help yourself.

583. Think it's all right?

584. Oh, sure.

585. I missed lunch.

586. Make yourself at home.

587. What is that?

588. Chili.

589. Yeah, looks good.

590. Have some.

591. Think it's all right?

592. Hmm.

593. Say, that's delicious. I never tasted chili like that before.

594. That's a special recipe. Made out of squirrel meat.

595. That good, ain't it?

596. Hmm.

597. Yeah, that explains it.

598. Hey, Luke. I thought you were ridin' back with us.

599. Where have you been?

600. I've been to get the cops

601. to find out how you killed Edna.

602. You gone crazy?

603. You did it. You know you did it. You killed both of them.

604. You're fired! Get out of here!

605. You crazy? Get him out of here!

606. What's the matter with you?

607. Give me that.

608. You crazy?

609. Get him out.

610. Boy.

611. Mr. Brown, I'm terribly sorry about this.

612. Who are you?

613. I'm Lt. Columbo, I'm from the L.A.P.D., Homicide.

614. Homicide?

615. What's he been telling you about me?

616. Well, if we could just talk privately.

617. There's nothing to get excited about.

618. Just wanna ask some routine questions.

619. There ain't no need for everything to stop.

620. I'll be right back.

621. Let me see that guitar. If he's busted that guitar,

622. I'll bust his neck.

623. Come on in here.

624. Nothing to get excited about, folks.

625. Mr. Brown will be right out.

626. What did he mean, murder?

627. And why am I talking to somebody from Homicide?

628. I feel terrible about this, sir.

629. I mean, an awful thing that was.

630. And, uh, there was just no way for me to prevent

631. your brother-in-law from coming here. Maybe I could have anticipated—

632. Okay! Just tell me what's it all about. What's he saying?

633. It's nothing to get excited about, sir, believe me.

634. You just have to understand that, uh, when a member of the family

635. makes a complaint, well, we just have to go through

636. certain formalities, ask questions, and, uh,

637. make out a report—

638. And I guess this, all this, looks kind of bad, huh?

639. This—this big house. This party going on and everything?

640. No, sir. No, sir. It's kind of refreshing.

641. You see, in my line of work, homicide,

642. somebody is always, well, dead.

643. That's the only way to put it.

644. I mean, they don't even call us in

645. unless that's what it is, somebody dead.

646. So, naturally, I see a lot of grief.

647. Now look, Lieutenant,

648. I'm not gonna try to tell you that Edna and I didn't quarrel.

649. You can't— You can't go through a day with Edna without quarreling.

650. You didn't know Edna.

651. The Crusade. I was all for the Crusade.

652. It's just that I thought a little something

653. ought to go to me for what I do, you know.

654. I give it full, I give it all my time.

655. The dirty hotel rooms...

656. Mr. Brown. ... the dirty dressing rooms,

657. the stale coffee—

658. Mr. Brown.

659. I'm not here to pry into your personal life.

660. My personal life is an open book.

661. Everybody knows I've done time.

662. Yes, sir.

663. But what you've done since you've gotten out

664. has been an inspiration to a lot of people.

665. Then what are you bugging me for?

666. Well, like I said, just ask a few routine questions.

667. Well, I can come back another time

668. when you're more settled.

669. Go ahead. Ask your questions.

670. Are you sure it's all right?

671. Get it over with.

672. You don't mind?

673. Go right ahead.

674. I'll try and make it very fast.

675. I was up there at the crash site and I was talking to, uh,

676. that fellow Mr. Pangborn, up there.

677. You want some coffee?

678. No, thank you very much.

679. We were both wondering

680. why your seatbelt wasn't fastened

681. at the time of the crash.

682. Oh, that?

683. Well,

684. you see, when the power went off, the lights went out.

685. And I reached across to the glove compartment

686. to try to get a flashlight.

687. And to do that, I had to unbuckle my seatbelt.

688. That's when I lost control.

689. Well, that explains it.

690. I'll tell Mr. Pangborn that

691. so that he won't bother you about it, too.

692. Thanks.

693. What else can I tell you now?

694. You have a pencil?

695. No.

696. That's all right, I'll remember.

697. Oh, here we are.

698. The navigation kit.

699. What about it?

700. There were no ashes in it, you see.

701. So, we were, uh, we were wondering what happened to the charts

702. and, uh, and the maps that were in it.

703. Well, when the power went off,

704. the defroster quit working, you see.

705. So, I slid open the window to try to see where I was goin'

706. and the suction s-s-sucked all the maps and papers

707. and everything right out of the window.

708. Big suction.

709. I'll tell that to Mr. Pangborn, too.

710. We were both wondering.

711. Thanks. I—I appreciate that.

712. That does it.

713. You sure made me move, Mr. Brown.

714. I never asked questions this fast before in my life.

715. I always think it's kind of impolite

716. to keep firing questions at people.

717. If that's your job, that's what you ought to do.

718. Mmm-hmm.

719. Sorry about what happened out there.

720. And I sure hope your guitar is all right. It's a beauty.

721. Yeah.

722. Not another guitar in the world with a tone like that.

723. It's a great guitar. Handmade.

724. When I take an airliner,

725. I get an extra seat and sit it right beside me.

726. No kidding.

727. Yeah.

728. Lucky thing it wasn't on that plane with you last night.

729. Yeah, I know, that was a break, all right.

730. I'd been worried about that.

731. Worried about crashing with it?

732. No, about, uh,

733. about it coming unglued, or cracking it

734. at high altitudes in an unpressurized plane.

735. Look at this guitar. You see the...

736. It's put together with a very special glue.

737. Different pieces of wood. It looks like one piece, but feel that belly.

738. Feel how smooth it is on that back there.

739. Well, the changes in pressure and altitude

740. can affect a good guitar like that.

741. Ruin the tone.

742. So I told Luke to put it on the bus.

743. You know, I'm very happy you told me that.

744. Why's that?

745. Well, you know, that's what started your brother-in-law thinking that

746. you had something to do with murdering his sister.

747. The fact that you parted with your guitar.

748. He said that was the first time you ever did that.

749. Then I'm glad I told you, too.

750. That winds it up.

751. We'll probably just go along with Mr. Pangborn's report.

752. Hmm.

753. Mr. Pangborn's report will make me look bad enough.

754. That's a lousy piece of flying I did.

755. Well, let's hope I stumble onto something

756. so it doesn't look so much like pilot error.

757. And if I do, I'll let you know.

758. You're not finished?

759. Oh, just a couple of things for my own report down at headquarters.

760. Nothing to worry you about, Mr. Brown.

761. Thank you very much.

762. You're welcome.

763. I appreciate your taking the time.

764. Glad to. Let me know when I can help you.

765. Right this way, sir.

766. Just step right on that seat, Lieutenant.

767. Sir.

768. Just step right on the seat there, sir.

769. Just watch your step, sir.

770. You all right, Lieutenant?

771. Thank you, sir.

772. Excuse me, uh...

773. Uh, excuse me.

774. Yes, sir.

775. Uh, I'm looking for someone who might have been around

776. the night Tommy Brown took off.

777. Who are you?

778. That's a good question.

779. Uh, police.

780. Yes, sir. That'd be Jeff.

781. He was on duty that night.

782. Thank you very much.

783. Excuse me.

784. Yeah?

785. Uh, L.A.P.D.

786. Yes, sir.

787. I'm investigating the Tommy Brown airplane crash.

788. Oh, yeah.

789. I sure was sorry to hear about that.

790. You're a fan of his?

791. Yes, sir. You?

792. Uh, well, my wife more than me,

793. but I'm getting there.

794. I was wondering,

795. could you give me any information about that flight?

796. Oh, well, I, uh, I saw them off,

797. but I don't know anything about that crash.

798. Right. Of course.

799. You know, we've got to check out all these small little details.

800. They don't mean nothing. So, uh,

801. now what did you... You say you saw them off. What did you do?

802. Well, you know, I helped with the luggage, uh,

803. pulled out the chocks, that sort of thing.

804. Luggage.

805. What luggage?

806. Well, um,

807. the ladies had a couple overnight bags.

808. And uh, Mr. Brown didn't have nothing but his navigation kit.

809. Some gum?

810. No. Thank you very much.

811. You handled the luggage?

812. Uh, yes, sir.

813. Put it in the luggage compartment back of the cabin.

814. Did you, uh...

815. You notice anything unusual about the luggage?

816. Unusual?

817. Was it extra heavy or light, anything like that?

818. Oh. Um, no.

819. Just luggage.

820. And the navigation kit, was it heavy or light?

821. Oh, I don't know about that.

822. Mr. Brown put that aboard himself.

823. In the cabin?

824. Yes, sir.

825. Um, on the co-pilot's seat.

826. Wouldn't do much good in the luggage compartment

827. unless you was a bird.

828. I guess so.

829. So the only thing that was in the cabin

830. was the passengers and the navigation kit?

831. Yeah. That's it.

832. Oh, well, the thermos bottle.

833. That's probably nothing.

834. W-W-What do you mean, thermos bottle?

835. Most pilots carry a thermos of coffee aboard.

836. Was the thermos bottle in the navigation kit?

837. Uh, no, sir.

838. Most likely wouldn't be enough room for it,

839. with all the charts and stuff.

840. No, Mr. Brown just, uh, put it on the co-pilot's seat

841. next to the kit.

842. You've been a big help.

843. I have?

844. That's nice.

845. Tina, I'd like you to take the arrangements

846. down to the arranger.

847. Be sure we get them back in time, all right?

848. Then I want you to make me out a big, long list

849. of things that I can do for you

850. for being so nice to Tommy Brown.

851. You afraid of me?

852. Uh, no.

853. Every time I get close, you start backing up.

854. I—I guess I'm just afraid of myself.

855. Is that all?

856. It's just so soon about your wife.

857. Hmm.

858. I understand.

859. But do you understand

860. that Edna and I didn't love each other, ever?

861. Don't say that.

862. Come on in, it ain't locked.

863. Lt. Columbo.

864. Come right in, rest yourself.

865. I'm not interrupting anything?

866. No. Come in.

867. Hey, Tina, you better take care of those errands, okay?

868. And don't forget the last thing on the list.

869. What can I get you, Lieutenant?

870. How about some brandy or bourbon?

871. No, you look more like a beer man.

872. Thank you, sir, but I'm on duty.

873. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.

874. Hey, you hop around pretty good on that.

875. Well, it takes more than a busted leg to keep me down.

876. That lovely girl.

877. Who? Tina?

878. She really is. She's beautiful.

879. And she's been a great help to me through this time.

880. She admires you a lot. I could see that.

881. Now, come on, Lieutenant,

882. don't tell me they got you back out here

883. chasing after Luke's daydream.

884. I'm afraid so, sir.

885. If it was up to me, I'd forget about it.

886. I'd go on to something else.

887. You know what the problem is?

888. You're a celebrity.

889. Because of you, my boss, he won't let me close up this case

890. until I've covered everything.

891. Every loose end has got to be tied up.

892. It'll make you crazy. So that's the problem.

893. That's a crying shame, it really is.

894. A man with your talent...

895. Real killers loose out there.

896. And they got you chasing smoke.

897. What are you going to do? That's the job, right?

898. You take the good with the bad.

899. Uh, that reminds me.

900. Uh, you could help me clear up some things.

901. Sure. I'd be glad to.

902. But let me get you something to eat. You look hungry to me.

903. Oh, no, please. Thank you very much. I just had lunch.

904. How about some coffee?

905. I had it with my lunch.

906. You're shaming me now, Lieutenant.

907. You just won't let me do anything for you.

908. Well, actually, sir, there is something you can do for me.

909. Uh, you can answer a few of these questions.

910. Sure. I'd be glad to.

911. First of all, uh,

912. the thermos.

913. The one you took on the plane.

914. What about it?

915. Would you mind telling me, sir, what you had in it?

916. Just some coffee.

917. Coffee.

918. Why? What does that matter?

919. Well, they couldn't find it.

920. The thermos.

921. At the crash site, couldn't find it.

922. I checked with Mr. Pangborn.

923. So?

924. Well, you see, everything else in the plane was accounted for.

925. Well, does it really matter

926. what happened to a thermos bottle?

927. Oh, I'm sure it doesn't make a difference at all,

928. but, you see, uh, like I was saying earlier,

929. see that's the kind of loose end that, uh,

930. I got to tie up, those tiny little things.

931. Otherwise, it won't let me close the book on this case.

932. Yeah. I understand.

933. T-T-That's my problem.

934. I see what you mean.

935. Well, we'll just have to come up

936. with the right answer for them.

937. You know, something to make them happy.

938. Yes.

939. I—I, uh, I just don't know what to write.

940. Uh, I'll help you all I can.

941. Well, if you could come up with something, sir,

942. I'd certainly appreciate it.

943. Hey, why don't you just tell them that the thermos burned up

944. in the plane crash, like it probably did.

945. Well, you know, I thought about that.

946. But, uh, I checked with the lab.

947. And, uh, you see, a thermos wouldn't be consumed by fire.

948. It's metal inside and glass.

949. Yeah.

950. That's a tough one, all right.

951. Yes. I just can't come up with an answer.

952. Well, you think about this.

953. I was thrown clear in the crash.

954. I got a busted leg out of the deal.

955. But I was thrown clear.

956. And something as light as a thermos

957. could be thrown hundreds of feet.

958. Maybe it was thrown clear.

959. Thrown clear?

960. Yeah.

961. Not bad.

962. Not bad.

963. Thrown clear.

964. I knew sooner or later,

965. I was going to get to help you some way.

966. Not bad.

967. Yeah. I think they'll buy that.

968. Okay.

969. Listen. Thanks a lot.

970. You're welcome. Glad to help.

971. Yeah. You've been a big help.

972. Appreciate the time.

973. Okay.

974. All right.

975. Oh.

976. I don't know what's the matter with me.

977. You know, the last time I was here, I forgot to ask the question, too.

978. What's the matter with me? Um,

979. where did you first learn how to fly?

980. Lieutenant, I thought you knew my whole life history by now.

981. Oh, no. No, uh.

982. You know, people think we have all kinds of records on microfilms.

983. All we got to do is push a button and...

984. Well, don't you?

985. Yes, we do, but not everything.

986. Well, I learned to fly over 20 years ago

987. in the Air Force, a little.

988. I learned to fly a little.

989. A little.

990. Well, I got to admit. I washed out of cadets.

991. Washed right flat out.

992. Of course, I got a civilian private license after the Korean War.

993. Were you in that one?

994. Yeah. Were you?

995. Yeah. I was in that one.

996. But not in the Air Force.

997. No kidding. Let me guess what you were in.

998. M.P.

999. K.P. mostly.

1000. Where'd they put you after you washed out as a cadet?

1001. Oh, man, you know the service. Whatever bad

1002. was going around, that's what I got.

1003. Picking up butts, latrine duty,

1004. running errands for the C.O., whatever.

1005. Oh, man, that service life was something.

1006. Anything else?

1007. No, sir. That should about do it. Thank you.

1008. Go ahead. You can take that. I'm finished.

1009. Thank you, sir.

1010. Yeah, hello.

1011. All right. Put him on.

1012. Hello, Sid, this is Tommy.

1013. No. You heard right, Sid.

1014. We're stopping the project.

1015. We're stopping the building on the tabernacle.

1016. I don't know. Can't say.

1017. Just pay everybody off up to date.

1018. Tell them we'll get back to them, okay?

1019. Right. Bye.

1020. Excuse me, sir.

1021. Lieutenant, if that police career of yours

1022. ever fizzles out,

1023. you could always make it as a cat burglar.

1024. Oh, sorry. You know what happened.

1025. I saw this note that I made here

1026. that I meant to ask you about.

1027. Ask away, little buddy.

1028. You know, the reason I think I forgot

1029. was because it was filed under "pilot."

1030. You know, for pilot error.

1031. Mmm-hmm. What about it?

1032. Uh,

1033. did you call in for the weather before you made that flight?

1034. I sure did. Every pilot does.

1035. Well, according to the Bakersfield Weather Bureau,

1036. they anticipated a low ceiling in Los Angeles.

1037. If you'd left an hour earlier, you would have missed it.

1038. Well, you see, I left later

1039. because of the audiences at Bakersfield.

1040. They just wouldn't let me off-stage.

1041. They love that music in Bakersfield.

1042. Oh, they sure do. I know that for a fact.

1043. But your brother-in-law,

1044. he told me that you took a nap.

1045. Yeah, I always take a nap before I fly late at night,

1046. especially after a performance.

1047. I was wiped out.

1048. I know those desk jockeys downtown are about to

1049. drive you crazy giving you a bad time.

1050. I know how bad you hate to keep asking all those stupid questions

1051. that they send you out here to ask.

1052. I want you to tell them one thing for me.

1053. All those loose ends that they think

1054. they are tying up are going to go nowhere, you see,

1055. because Tommy Brown was on that plane himself when it crashed

1056. and if I'd been up to no good,

1057. I wouldn't risk my own neck in the process.

1058. I'm going to make that point very clear to them, sir.

1059. Hey, Columbo, I want you tell those people

1060. down at your office one thing for me,

1061. that I got nothing to hide.

1062. And I guess you overheard me on the phone.

1063. Overheard you on the phone? Oh, no, sir. No.

1064. But I knew you were stopping the project.

1065. I spoke to the architects this morning.

1066. However, it's very helpful to know your reasoning.

1067. Thank you.

1068. One of ours, sir?

1069. Colonel.

1070. Oh, sorry.

1071. 747. I'd like to land one of these babies.

1072. This must be quite a letdown for you.

1073. What is?

1074. R.O.T.C.

1075. There's a job to be done, Lieutenant,

1076. and I'm the man to do it.

1077. Brown.

1078. Brown.

1079. Brown, Thomas.

1080. Oh, sure.

1081. Never forget the lads who served under me.

1082. If not by name, by face.

1083. He's out of Vietnam, but I remember the face.

1084. He served in your outfit in Korea.

1085. Oh.

1086. What's happened to him?

1087. He's Tommy Brown now.

1088. Tommy Brown.

1089. He's a big star.

1090. Really?

1091. Made it in the movies, huh?

1092. No, sir. Country and Western music.

1093. Entertainment. He's very big.

1094. Oh.

1095. Not that, uh, twist stuff? That degenerate—

1096. No, sir. Folk music.

1097. Tommy Brown, he's a singer.

1098. Good.

1099. Just as long as he isn't a pilot.

1100. Washed out as a cadet as I recall.

1101. Transferred to my outfit.

1102. Did you read about that private plane crash the other night?

1103. Oh, yeah.

1104. He was the pilot.

1105. The guy that got thrown clear?

1106. Yes, sir.

1107. Never made the connection.

1108. What did he do in your outfit, sir?

1109. Parachute rigging.

1110. You mean he ran a machine which rigged the parachute.

1111. Not on your life, Lieutenant.

1112. It was done by hand.

1113. A man folds his own.

1114. Some things in life don't change, Lieutenant.

1115. Yes, sir.

1116. May I use your telephone?

1117. Keep it short. Will you?

1118. Never know when there might be an alert. Absolutely.

1119. I want the Medical Examiner's office.

1120. Lt. Columbo.

1121. Columbo.

1122. I'll wait.

1123. It's really for official business.

1124. Do they still make them out of silk?

1125. Speaking to me?

1126. "Hit the silk." Is that just an—

1127. It's just an expression.

1128. The old barnstorming days.

1129. Nylon. 60 square yards of it,

1130. and a parachute personnel standard M-4.

1131. How fast does that bring a man down?

1132. 20 feet per second. Average.

1133. Isn't that pretty fast?

1134. There's a proper way to land, Lieutenant.

1135. Hello? The Medical Examiner.

1136. Lt. Columbo.

1137. How big is this flag?

1138. It's not a flag, Lieutenant, it's a banner.

1139. Eagles and stars rampant on a field of blue.

1140. The official emblem of the United States Air Force.

1141. How big is it?

1142. 27 square feet, why?

1143. How much is that in square yards?

1144. You ought to know that, Lieutenant.

1145. Three square yards.

1146. A parachute is 60 square yards?

1147. Right.

1148. 20 times bigger than this?

1149. That's elementary, Lieutenant.

1150. Hello.

1151. Yes, I am.

1152. Hello?

1153. Doctor. Yes.

1154. This is Lt. Columbo.

1155. I want to order an autopsy

1156. on two deceased, already interred.

1157. Mrs. Edna Brown and Miss Maryann Cobb.

1158. Hey, Columbo.

1159. Come on in. Join the session.

1160. I didn't ruin on the record or anything?

1161. There was no light on so I just came in.

1162. Playback. It's a concert we did last night.

1163. How do you like it?

1164. Oh, good.

1165. We were there.

1166. At the concert?

1167. My wife and I. We were there.

1168. Hey! Hey!

1169. You're really coming on, Lieutenant.

1170. Bring it down a couple of points there, will you, Bill?

1171. What's the matter?

1172. You opened your concert with that song.

1173. Yeah, I closed my show with that song, too.

1174. Number one on the charts.

1175. Hey, there you go, Lieutenant.

1176. You don't like it?

1177. No, oh, it's very good, very popular.

1178. You know, I hear it coming out of cars, out of storefronts.

1179. One kid had it coming out of his pocket.

1180. Right here.

1181. But, uh, the sound is different here.

1182. And I noticed last night at the concert—

1183. Yeah, live audience.

1184. That's why the different sound, it's recorded live.

1185. The one you've been hearing around town

1186. is a studio recording we did a while back.

1187. Oh.

1188. Oh, that explains it.

1189. You know, little buddy, there's a question I'd like to ask you.

1190. You ordered my wife's body dug up, right?

1191. That's correct, sir. Both bodies.

1192. And autopsies performed?

1193. Yes, sir.

1194. Expecting to find what?

1195. Mr. Brown, I don't think this is the—

1196. That's quite all right, if you don't mind answering that question.

1197. Just what were you expecting to find?

1198. I don't know.

1199. It's not an unusual police procedure.

1200. After an air crash?

1201. Very often, to find out if the pilot had a heart attack

1202. or to find out if there was any evidence of drug—

1203. Lieutenant, I was the pilot and I'm very much alive.

1204. Yes, sir.

1205. And that air safety guy, what's his name?

1206. Mr. Pangborn?

1207. He ordered all kinds of blood tests run.

1208. Yes, sir, they were all negative

1209. and the EKG, your heart, that was normal.

1210. Which should make you feel very good.

1211. And the autopsy showed nothing unusual?

1212. No, sir. Nothing unusual.

1213. I think I could have told you that, Lieutenant.

1214. Of course, when I say nothing unusual,

1215. what I mean is that, uh,

1216. under, you know, normal circumstances,

1217. there would be nothing unusual.

1218. Just what are you trying to say, Lieutenant?

1219. Barbiturates, sir.

1220. We found evidence of barbiturates in both women.

1221. And, uh,

1222. according to their religious beliefs,

1223. they were prohibited from taking any drugs or stimulants.

1224. That's true. But they used to get airsick.

1225. So they took an airsickness pill.

1226. Yes, sir. But these barbiturates were sleeping pills.

1227. Sleeping pills work

1228. just like airsickness pills sometimes, Lieutenant.

1229. Oh, really? Yeah.

1230. Oh.

1231. Oh, I didn't know that.

1232. Well, that must explain that. Oh, thank you very much.

1233. Tommy, gonna feed you the eight-track now.

1234. Hey, Bill, kill it.

1235. Anything else, Lieutenant?

1236. No, sir.

1237. Oh, uh...

1238. Could I have a tape of that concert?

1239. Be in the stores, a couple of months.

1240. No, what I meant was could I have an advance copy?

1241. Why not?

1242. Thank you very much.

1243. May I...

1244. Are your hands clean? Let me see.

1245. Oh, all right.

1246. This is nylon, isn't it?

1247. Yes.

1248. I prefer cotton. But people today, even our own people,

1249. just don't want anything that requires care.

1250. Listen, I was wondering if you could help me.

1251. My name is Lt. Columbo.

1252. I'm from the Los Angeles Police Department.

1253. Columbo, that's an Italian name.

1254. Yes, ma'am, it is.

1255. Uh, could you tell me how much fabric—

1256. My husband was half Italian.

1257. And a wonderfully warm man, too.

1258. Just the way Italians are supposed to be.

1259. Can you tell me, ma'am, how many yards—

1260. And he was a naturally good singer, too.

1261. Of course, he was thin

1262. and he had this little blonde moustache.

1263. But he was half Scandinavian, so... Yes.

1264. Lt. Columbo, are you with the Army?

1265. Los Angeles Police Department.

1266. Oh.

1267. Have we done something?

1268. No, ma'am. Not that I know of, no.

1269. I'm just here... I'm just part of an investigation.

1270. Well, of what? Are you with the vice squad?

1271. I don't remember having a good time.

1272. No, ma'am. No, I'm not with the vice squad.

1273. I just wanted to ask you about some of these lovely robes

1274. that you and the ladies—

1275. You want to know how many yards it takes to make a robe.

1276. Listen, that depends.

1277. Now, you take Helen there,

1278. it takes her four yards of material to make a robe.

1279. It only takes me two.

1280. What does she do? She makes the bigger sizes, does she?

1281. Makes mistakes, that what she does.

1282. The poor little thing.

1283. Once she did two left sides

1284. and wondered why it wouldn't button up.

1285. Oh, she's a darling woman, but she is not a good seamstress.

1286. Let me ask you something, dear.

1287. You think I could take a look at this?

1288. Well, if you're careful.

1289. Just for a minute.

1290. Certainly. But be careful. Thank you very much.

1291. May I, please? Sure.

1292. Just go over that.

1293. Oh, what are you doing?

1294. How many square yards in a roll like this?

1295. Uh, be careful now, don't let it go all the way to the end

1296. or you'll soil it—

1297. Well, you know, I'm curious about the yardage.

1298. You certainly are.

1299. Could you show me what 60 square yards of this would look like?

1300. In the first place, this is not a roll, this is a bolt.

1301. 60 square yards, wait a minute there.

1302. That's 10 yards by 6 yards.

1303. That's 30 feet by 18 feet.

1304. This can't be 60 square yards.

1305. It isn't even 20.

1306. Do you have more?

1307. Oh, yes, yes, we have a reserve.

1308. We are like the industrious ants.

1309. You know that story.

1310. I kept a reserve stock against rising prices.

1311. Just a minute, I'll show it to you.

1312. Dear, oh, dear, I meant to reorder...

1313. Do you find yourself forgetting?

1314. Sometimes, ma'am, yes, I do.

1315. Could you tell me,

1316. do you remember how much you meant to reorder?

1317. Oh, it's always the same.

1318. How much is that?

1319. Three bolts of nylon, white, 1A-447.

1320. And how many yards in a bolt, 20?

1321. No, 15.

1322. 15, so there's only 45 yards missing.

1323. Only 45 square yards missing, out of sheer forgetfulness.

1324. And the prices have surely risen

1325. four or five cents a yard.

1326. Why do I do that? Forget, I mean.

1327. Is it what they say it is?

1328. Is it old age?

1329. No. No. It's not that.

1330. Who knows what it is, but it's not that. Listen.

1331. I want to thank you very, very much.

1332. You're welcome.

1333. I appreciate talking to you.

1334. It was nice to meet you.

1335. Oh, my.

1336. Now, Lieutenant, let's see that navigation kit.

1337. It fits.

1338. Of course, there's no harness attached to this.

1339. You wouldn't get it in with a conventional chute harness.

1340. What about an unconventional one?

1341. What do you mean?

1342. Something homemade.

1343. Something homemade?

1344. Yeah, it's possible.

1345. What do you think?

1346. You know as well as I do

1347. that the diameter of a standard chute

1348. is substantially larger than that.

1349. Anybody jumping in that would have

1350. a much faster rate of descent than normal.

1351. Tight chutes in a parachute like this, he goes down faster, right?

1352. At least 20% faster.

1353. Fatally faster?

1354. Not necessarily.

1355. The guy would probably break something,

1356. an arm, a leg or pelvis, or something.

1357. Be awful risky.

1358. So is murder.

1359. I know what you're getting at,

1360. but I don't see how you can ever prove

1361. the guy jumped without finding the chute.

1362. Neither do I.

1363. You see?

1364. And if it was premeditated,

1365. he'd certainly have destroyed the chute.

1366. Yeah, but how you gonna destroy a parachute?

1367. I mean, you can't risk burning it.

1368. You'll see the flames no matter where he landed.

1369. Okay, so he hid it somewhere.

1370. Buried it. What are you gonna do?

1371. Dig up that whole mountain?

1372. Thank you very much. Come on.

1373. Your people...

1374. You never found that thermos bottle, did you?

1375. No.

1376. Hmm.

1377. So, it must have been thrown out sometime during the flight.

1378. Could be.

1379. Mmm.

1380. If the pilot jumped,

1381. just before he crashed the plane,

1382. he would land not too far from the crash site.

1383. Right? Right.

1384. But there's no indication

1385. that he even took a parachute aboard.

1386. There is an indication, Mr. Pangborn.

1387. That empty navigation kit.

1388. That wouldn't hold a conventional chute.

1389. How about an unconventional chute?

1390. Well, all I can say is

1391. he'd have to be one expert chute man.

1392. He was. I checked his military record.

1393. After he washed out as a flying cadet

1394. he became a parachute rigger.

1395. Well, it will still be an awful lot of mountain

1396. to search for anything hidden or buried.

1397. A lot of mountain. Who could find it?

1398. The guy that hid it.

1399. Well, it was the original version.

1400. That's what I hear coming out of the radio.

1401. And then there's the version that you recorded yesterday in the studio.

1402. This is the original version.

1403. Mmm-hmm.

1404. Now this is—is the new version.

1405. I hope I got it.

1406. I know I had it.

1407. I got it.

1408. Bear with me, sir.

1409. This is the new version.

1410. Mmm-hmm.

1411. I noticed that the arrangement was changed.

1412. You got a good ear for music.

1413. Well, you know I'm Italian.

1414. Yeah, I know.

1415. Anyway, I spoke to your arranger.

1416. Nick Solecanto?

1417. Yeah, that's him.

1418. You know, he's Italian, too.

1419. Yeah, I know.

1420. So I asked him was there a special reason

1421. for you changing the arrangements?

1422. He said yes.

1423. Maryann was a soprano, Tina is a contralto.

1424. Well, now, I could have told you that myself.

1425. I know, sir. But I was afraid that my next question

1426. might be a little embarrassing to you.

1427. I asked Mr.

1428. "How long does it take to change an arrangement like that?"

1429. He said about a week.

1430. And you wondered how I knew

1431. I was going to need a new arrangement

1432. a week before Maryann was killed, right?

1433. Yes, sir.

1434. That was the embarrassing question.

1435. Not embarrassing at all, Columbo.

1436. I knew it because I knew

1437. I was going to replace Maryann with Tina.

1438. I liked her voice better in the solos.

1439. That's exactly what I thought.

1440. As a matter of fact, I like her better myself.

1441. But I wanted to hear your explanation.

1442. That's it.

1443. Finished.

1444. That definitely closes the book on you, sir.

1445. I'm glad to hear it.

1446. My superiors will have to agree

1447. that I've been pretty thorough on this case.

1448. Mmm-hmm. You really have.

1449. Um,

1450. there's just one other thing, sir.

1451. What's that?

1452. I'll explain it to you in a minute.

1453. May I use your telephone?

1454. Go right ahead.

1455. Milt? Columbo here.

1456. Did you get in touch with that Boy Scout troop?

1457. Yeah, tomorrow's okay, but they gotta start early.

1458. How about the Forest Ranger patrol

1459. on the sheriff's Mountain Squad?

1460. They'll start tomorrow, first thing?

1461. Good.

1462. Fine.

1463. See you later.

1464. Did that have something to do with me?

1465. Yes, sir. It did.

1466. But I hesitate to mention it.

1467. Go right ahead.

1468. Sir, did you drink any of that coffee

1469. that was in that thermos bottle

1470. that you took on the flight?

1471. No.

1472. I didn't think so.

1473. And if my hunch is correct, you're a very lucky man.

1474. What hunch?

1475. The barbiturates that turned up

1476. in the autopsy on those two women were a lot more

1477. than anyone would ever take for airsickness.

1478. They were almost a lethal dose

1479. certainly enough to knock somebody out.

1480. No kidding?

1481. If they were in that coffee,

1482. they could have been put there by somebody

1483. who wanted to put you to sleep at the controls.

1484. Maybe somebody wanted to kill you.

1485. Now, why would anybody want to kill me?

1486. Mr. Brown, I don't know. But you are a celebrity.

1487. And there are a lot of crackpots in the world.

1488. And there is just no accounting for people's reactions.

1489. And sometimes I even wonder about my wife.

1490. Not that she is a crackpot,

1491. but, uh, when she is listening to your records,

1492. uh, the way she carries on.

1493. But not like she wants to kill me.

1494. No, sir, just the opposite.

1495. It's no laughing matter.

1496. This can be serious.

1497. Look, the only fingerprints that should be on that thermos

1498. are yours, your wife's, and the girl's, right?

1499. Right.

1500. But if some guy thought he was going to

1501. put you to sleep at the controls

1502. and kill you in a plane crash,

1503. he might have gotten careless with his fingerprints.

1504. He might have left them on that thermos bottle

1505. when he spiked the coffee.

1506. Lieutenant, man, you got some kind of imagination.

1507. You know that?

1508. Still, when I get a hunch down here and I ignore it,

1509. I always regret it.

1510. I am gonna put a police guard on you

1511. until I find that thermos bottle.

1512. You might never find that thermos.

1513. We're gonna find it. You might be right.

1514. It could've been thrown a long distance away

1515. when that plane crashed.

1516. But between those Boy Scouts, those Forest Rangers,

1517. and the Sheriff's Squad,

1518. we are gonna comb every inch of that mountainside.

1519. We'll comb it and comb it,

1520. and then comb it some more, till we find it.

1521. In the meantime,

1522. you're getting a police guard.

1523. Now, that's nice of you. I really appreciate that.

1524. But it won't be necessary, Lieutenant.

1525. I'm leaving on a concert tour.

1526. You're leaving, sir?

1527. I sure am.

1528. When are you leaving?

1529. This afternoon.

1530. For how long?

1531. For months. I open tomorrow night in San Francisco.

1532. You are going to be gone for months?

1533. Mmm-hmm. I sure am. Why, what's the matter?

1534. Nothing, sir. No, uh...

1535. I just wasn't prepared for that, uh...

1536. Well, it's surely been nice knowing you, Lieutenant.

1537. I've enjoyed talking with you,

1538. and I wish you the best of luck.

1539. Same to you, sir.

1540. What time is your plane?

1541. 4:05.

1542. Have a good trip, sir.

1543. Thank you.

1544. Where to, Lieutenant?

1545. Just pull around the bend and park.

1546. He says he's going out of town. I don't believe him.

1547. Yeah.

1548. I planted a seed that has to take.

1549. He is gonna do something in the mountains first.

1550. Pull around the bend and park.

1551. All set, Tommy.

1552. Hey, thanks a lot, Chris.

1553. See you in San Francisco.

1554. Take it easy.

1555. Looks like he's going, all right.

1556. Hey, Columbo!

1557. Hey, what are you doing here? Come here.

1558. What are you doing out here?

1559. I followed you, sir, to be honest with you.

1560. You see, I told my superiors

1561. that someone might be out to get you.

1562. If anything happens to you here in LA,

1563. it's going to be my neck.

1564. I thought it was my neck you were interested in.

1565. Oh, of course, yours, too.

1566. But the fact is I'm not going to rest easy

1567. until I actually see you on the plane.

1568. I sure do appreciate that.

1569. That's mighty nice of you.

1570. You must have some metal on you, sir.

1571. If you'll just put it in this tray here

1572. and come through again.

1573. Okay.

1574. Hmm.

1575. Thank you, sir.

1576. You are welcome.

1577. Hey, Columbo.

1578. Keep law and order while I'm gone.

1579. I'll try, sir.

1580. Hey!

1581. Tell your wife hello for me.

1582. Hey, mister.

1583. Oh, L.A.P.D.

1584. Did he go, sir?

1585. He went.

1586. That's him, in that one.

1587. Well, you can't win them all, Lieutenant.

1588. I guess not.

1589. I gotta call in.

1590. Unit 10.

1591. Do you want me to drive you back?

1592. I sent the officer who brought me up here

1593. back down for dinner.

1594. I figured you and I would be driving back together.

1595. Nobody followed me up here.

1596. I made sure of that.

1597. That's right, sir.

1598. I was waiting for you up there on that rock.

1599. I gave you an hour to fly to San Francisco

1600. on that commuter.

1601. I gave you half an hour for a layoff,

1602. and another hour to fly back,

1603. and an hour to drive up here.

1604. You knew I was coming up here?

1605. I knew.

1606. Then I didn't know, and then I knew.

1607. When I planted that seed about searching for the thermos bottle,

1608. I called the Rangers and the Boy Scouts,

1609. I knew it was gonna worry you and you'd come out here

1610. and look for the parachute.

1611. But when you went to the airport,

1612. and you got on the plane,

1613. and when I saw that plane fly away,

1614. I thought you were gone.

1615. Then I heard the keys.

1616. Little tinkle of keys.

1617. When you emptied your pockets at the airport,

1618. your keys were with your pen,

1619. your lighter and something else.

1620. But I remembered the keys had a tag,

1621. that tag.

1622. Car rental tag.

1623. Then I knew.

1624. A man drives a rented car,

1625. he takes his keys with him on an airplane,

1626. doesn't turn them in at the airport,

1627. I got to figure he's coming back.

1628. Aren't you afraid being up here alone with a killer?

1629. No, sir.

1630. No, sir. I had a feeling that sooner or later...

1631. Sooner or later you would have confessed even if I hadn't caught you.

1632. Yeah, you are right, Lieutenant. I would have...

1633. because it was getting to me, and I'm glad it's over.

1634. Listen...

1635. any man that can sing like that can't be all bad.