1. Stop it!Copy !req
2. I think it was you.Copy !req
3. That's Big Ben, isn't it?
Boy, that's terrific.Copy !req
4. A thing that old,
and it's only a minute slow.Copy !req
5. Not that our little rendezvous
meant very much.Copy !req
6. Don't be so ridiculous.
No one would believe that.Copy !req
7. From what I hear, your wife might
know Sir Roger better than you do, sir.Copy !req
8. - Filthy snoop.
- Ma'am, I didn't mean to pry.Copy !req
9. - I can handle Miss Dudley.
- Pardon me?Copy !req
10. Not only do I need to see to play this
part, the character is not a pauper.Copy !req
11. - So that can go!
- All right.Copy !req
12. We will change the crown in the third act.
Make a note, Miss Dudley.Copy !req
13. And how about the heater
in my dressing room?Copy !req
14. The whole thing's going to explode
any moment.Copy !req
15. I told the stage doorman,
and he will fix it when he can.Copy !req
16. Now, Lilly, at your entrance
at the top of the dagger scene...Copy !req
17. My entrance!
That scenery is covered in nails.Copy !req
18. If you want to see me disrobed
and disemboweled, just carry on like this.Copy !req
19. Sweetie, they are hammering
as fast as they can.Copy !req
20. Now, can we please get back
to the subject at hand,Copy !req
21. which, in this case, happens to be
your emergence at the top of the scene.Copy !req
22. I've asked you repeatedly to play it
with more speed and more conviction.Copy !req
23. - Conviction?
- You've repeatedly ignored my requests.Copy !req
24. Aha. Miss Dudley.
More of his stupid notes, huh?Copy !req
25. Why don't you bring them back
to my dressing room later.Copy !req
26. Nicky!Copy !req
27. Uh, no, no. Better not.Copy !req
28. - Where the devil have you been?
- To see the queen!Copy !req
29. Look, we're an hour late now
for the dinner break,Copy !req
30. and I would like to get this curtain up
before midnight.Copy !req
31. - Don't worry, dear boy. It'll be up by dark.
- Oh, yes?Copy !req
32. I've got at least 30 changes to argue
with you, and Lilly keeps insisting...Copy !req
33. "Argue"?Copy !req
34. We'll do whatever you say.
Aren't we always the little lambs?Copy !req
35. Nick, are you smashed?Copy !req
36. Pay no attention to him, darling.
Directors are always hysterics.Copy !req
37. My gracious wife... forgives you.Copy !req
38. Now, off to the pub, everyone.
Tonight's only dress rehearsal, remember?Copy !req
39. Well, what are you waiting to see?
Clear out of our castle!Copy !req
40. All right.
Everybody back in one hour.Copy !req
41. Lilly, my love,Copy !req
42. how would you like to do A Doll's House
in New York next season?Copy !req
43. Or star... star in some magnificent film
at Sir Roger's expense.Copy !req
44. Nicky, for heaven's sake.Copy !req
45. Lover!
What a gorgeous surprise.Copy !req
46. But you never come
to dress rehearsals.Copy !req
47. I think I managed to get in
without being noticed.Copy !req
48. But you couldn't stand not seeing me
for another whole day, could you?Copy !req
49. Is anything wrong?Copy !req
50. You're not worried about
this production of Macbeth, are you?Copy !req
51. We're gonna get rave notices.Copy !req
52. Well, you know actors.
We're all just children anyway.Copy !req
53. "Children."Copy !req
54. Roger, I have the most perfect idea
for Sunday.Copy !req
55. I was walking past Covent Garden...
Nick will never know.Copy !req
56. He'll think I've gone to visit my cousin
with arthritis.Copy !req
57. So I got us two seats for the symphony.Copy !req
58. We'll be all alone in a box together.Copy !req
59. - And then afterwards...
- "Afterwards"?Copy !req
60. What do you think I am, you lying...Copy !req
61. You didn't buy those tickets today.
Your husband did.Copy !req
62. What?Copy !req
63. And last weekend at Brighton,
I suppose he arranged that for us too.Copy !req
64. Not that our little rendezvous
meant very much.Copy !req
65. You so conveniently had a headache.Copy !req
66. Roger, old boy.
This is a pleasant surprise.Copy !req
67. Lilly, what a curious position.Copy !req
68. And you, you conniving panderer,
you put her up to every bit of it.Copy !req
69. He's gone out of his mind. He's come
straight out of a Victorian novel.Copy !req
70. And all just to lure me into reopening
my theater, into backing you,Copy !req
71. and into playing angel to a has-been
leading man and his aging ingenue.Copy !req
72. - Listen to him!
- Lilly, be quiet.Copy !req
73. Really, Sir Roger, I don't know
who's been telling you stories,Copy !req
74. but if you're implying
any misunderstanding...Copy !req
75. of my wife's deep devotion
to you...Copy !req
76. Why, she looks on you as her own father.
Don't you, Lilly?Copy !req
77. That's enough! Today, I finally realize,
after all my years as a producer,Copy !req
78. I-I've simply been taken...Copy !req
79. taken by a ham and a tart.Copy !req
80. Roger, I'll forgive your nasty language.Copy !req
81. You've just helped me decide.
There won't be any Macbeth.Copy !req
82. I'm going out and tell the whole company.
This play is not only canceled,Copy !req
83. but I'll see to it that neither one of you
ever works again on any stage!Copy !req
84. - Stop him!
- Roger!Copy !req
85. - Nick...
- Let go of me!Copy !req
86. Stop it!
Stop it, both of you!Copy !req
87. Miss Stanhope?
Everything all right?Copy !req
88. What? Yes.Copy !req
89. Is Mr. Frame in there with you?
We're about ready for curtain.Copy !req
90. Just a little family fight.
That's all. We'll be ready.Copy !req
91. - Dead?
- Dead.Copy !req
92. Nick, I didn't mean to.Copy !req
93. Well, of course you didn't, darling.
Neither of us did.Copy !req
94. Well, what are we gonna do?Copy !req
95. I can tell them that he attacked us.
It was self-defense, you know.Copy !req
96. Sir Roger... Sir Roger Haversham?Copy !req
97. Don't be so ridiculous.
No one would believe that.Copy !req
98. Nicky. He said that no one
saw him come in here tonight.Copy !req
99. Places, please.Copy !req
100. First-act places, Miss Stanhope.Copy !req
101. Whence is that knocking?Copy !req
102. How is it with me,
when every noise appalls me?Copy !req
103. What hands are here?Copy !req
104. Ha! They pluck out mine eyes.Copy !req
105. Will all great Neptune's ocean
wash this blood clean from my hand?Copy !req
106. No, this my hand will rather
the multitudinous seas incarnadine,Copy !req
107. making the green one red.Copy !req
108. My hands are of your color,
but I shame to wear a heart so white.Copy !req
109. I hear a knocking at the south entry.
Retire we to our chamber.Copy !req
110. A little water clears us of this deed.
How easy is it, then!Copy !req
111. Your constancy
hath left you unattended.Copy !req
112. Be not lost so poorly in thy thoughts.Copy !req
113. To know my deed,
'twere best not know myself.Copy !req
114. Wake Duncan with thy knocking!Copy !req
115. I would thou couldst!Copy !req
116. Did you call Roger's club?Copy !req
117. Yes. They said he hadn't
been in town all day.Copy !req
118. But he must have
talked to someone.Copy !req
119. It makes no difference, Nick.Copy !req
120. The club was positive that Roger
was alone at home this evening.Copy !req
121. So I said, "Never mind.
I wouldn't disturb him."Copy !req
122. At home? That's 20 miles.Copy !req
123. - Shh! You're coming unglued.
- Oh, go on. Go on.Copy !req
124. Here's a farmer, that hanged himself
on the expectation of plenty.Copy !req
125. Come in time,
wear napkins enough about you.Copy !req
126. Here you'll sweat for it.Copy !req
127. Knock! Knock! Knock!Copy !req
128. - What on earth's going on?
- Oh, excuse me, mum.Copy !req
129. I-I thought it'd be a good chance
to fix your heater pipes here.Copy !req
130. You know, what with all that
knockin' goin' on out there.Copy !req
131. I won't be a jiffy.Copy !req
132. - I think I'd better move this.
- No!Copy !req
133. Don't bother with the heater
tonight, Joe.Copy !req
134. What, and have you freezin' from icicles?
Oh, no, no, mum.Copy !req
135. No leadin' lady's gonna go
trippin' over pipes and tools...Copy !req
136. what I leave lyin' all over her boudoir.Copy !req
137. That's all right, Joe. I don't mind.
Fix it tomorrow.Copy !req
138. Just wanted you to be comfortable.Copy !req
139. Very kind of you, Joe.Copy !req
140. Oh.Copy !req
141. The queen, my lord, is dead.Copy !req
142. She should have died hereafter.Copy !req
143. There would have been a time
for such a word.Copy !req
144. Tomorrow and tomorrow
and tomorrow.Copy !req
145. It'll be tomorrow
if you don't get a move on.Copy !req
146. Petty pace from day to day
to the last syllable of recorded time.Copy !req
147. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death.Copy !req
148. Out. Out, brief candle.Copy !req
149. Life is but a walking shadow,
a poor player that struts and frets...Copy !req
150. his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more.Copy !req
151. It is a tale told by an idiot!Copy !req
152. Full of sound and fury,
signifying... nothing.Copy !req
153. I found his car.
I brought it around close in the alley.Copy !req
154. Still here, Mr. Frame?Copy !req
155. - It stopped rainin', you know.
- Oh, it did? That's very nice.Copy !req
156. I'm sorry I'm so slow.Copy !req
157. - I-I guess we're the last ones.
- Yes.Copy !req
158. Still 20 minutes to closing time
next door, Joe.Copy !req
159. Here. On us.Copy !req
160. - Oh.
- I'll lock up for you.Copy !req
161. Why, that's most gracious of you, sir.
Bless you both.Copy !req
162. Night, Miss Stanhope.Copy !req
163. Oh. Roger's umbrella.Copy !req
164. "If it were done when 'tis done,
then 'twere well it were done quickly."Copy !req
165. He had a dirty mind.Copy !req
166. Hello, Freddie. What's up?Copy !req
167. Scotland Yard out there.
They muffed it.Copy !req
168. - Lost some bloke in the airport.
- Dangerous?Copy !req
169. No. Big V.I.P. comin' in
from the States.Copy !req
170. Missed him entirely.
Bit of an embarrassment, hey?Copy !req
171. Excuse me, sir. You didn't happen
to notice my luggage?Copy !req
172. Purple, kind of flowers.
Actually, it's my wife's.Copy !req
173. Luggage inquiries, bear left, sir.Copy !req
174. I was in there, sir.
There was no one there.Copy !req
175. Ma'am, you don't mind if I just take a look
at this loose handle here?Copy !req
176. Last night, when my wife was packing,
I happened to notice...Copy !req
177. I haven't seen any Senate
or film-star types in here, Freddie.Copy !req
178. Why don't you... He's some ruddy great
detective from Los Angeles. That's who.Copy !req
179. Detective?Copy !req
180. Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.Copy !req
181. - I thought it was my bag.
- That's my suitcase!Copy !req
182. I lost my bag.
This is not mine. I know that now.Copy !req
183. - I saw the purple on the outside.
- No, it's mine.Copy !req
184. A little mix-up, eh, sir?Copy !req
185. You don't mind if we have a look
at your baggage stubs, now, do you?Copy !req
186. I don't have any.
That's the problem, sir.Copy !req
187. I thought I had some.
I had 'em here in my passport.Copy !req
188. I came in on 28... 707 from L.A.
I thought I had 'em right in here.Copy !req
189. I think I made a mistake
when I came in the wrong door...Copy !req
190. Quite so, sir.Copy !req
191. You don't mind just stepping over here
with me, do you?Copy !req
192. - Well, I'd like to help this lady if I could.
- No, thank you.Copy !req
193. I'm quite sure you can
explain it all to the inspector.Copy !req
194. This way, sir.Copy !req
195. Fine. Uh, one moment.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
196. - Any luck?
- Afraid not, Sarge. Usual lot.Copy !req
197. Bloody hell.Copy !req
198. Well, it's not your fault
he missed his plane, Sarge.Copy !req
199. He didn't miss it.
I've just checked with the airline.Copy !req
200. Freddie. Not a police lieutenant, is he?Copy !req
201. I was just about to put the arm
on this light-fingered bloke...Copy !req
202. You what? Where?Copy !req
203. - Over there, sir.
- Him? Blimey.Copy !req
204. There he is, Sarge.Copy !req
205. - You have everything back in?
- Yes, I'm... Oh, these. I need these.Copy !req
206. You understand, I thought
it was my suitcase.Copy !req
207. Is this lady causing you a problem?Copy !req
208. - I'm sorry?
- Is this lady causing you a problem, sir?Copy !req
209. Beg your pardon?Copy !req
210. I'm, uh, Sergeant O'Keefe,
Scotland Yard.Copy !req
211. - Lieutenant.
- Oh. This is all my fault.Copy !req
212. I'm here to escort you to London, sir. I'm
sorry, uh... I missed you at the plane, sir.Copy !req
213. How do you do, Sergeant?Copy !req
214. - How do you do, Lieutenant?
- Oh, this is a great honor.Copy !req
215. Well... The car's just parked outside.Copy !req
216. - Would you excuse me, please?
- Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry.Copy !req
217. It's all right. All right.Copy !req
218. The problem here is
I seem to have lost my suitcase.Copy !req
219. Then the Yard
will find it for you, sir.Copy !req
220. It's the least we can do
for an honored guest, eh?Copy !req
221. I don't wanna be a nuisance.Copy !req
222. - No, no, no. It's no trouble, sir.
- Oh, fine.Copy !req
223. Already we've, uh, found
your passport for you.Copy !req
224. Oh, and the commissioner's office
asked me to, uh,Copy !req
225. give you their official welcome,
Lieutenant.Copy !req
226. Even if I did muck up
the red carpet business a bit, sir.Copy !req
227. Oh, it's just great to be here.Copy !req
228. - How do you do? Lieutenant Columbo.
- How do you do, Lieutenant?Copy !req
229. Thank you very, very much.
That's all, you know.Copy !req
230. I mean, just to be here... Scotland Yard,
Jack the Ripper and all that.Copy !req
231. - Thank you very much.
- This way, Lieutenant.Copy !req
232. - Oh, fine. Take it easy, fellas.
- I got the car waiting out here, sir.Copy !req
233. - Gee, thanks for stopping.
- No trouble at all, Lieutenant.Copy !req
234. Wait till my brother-in-law
sees that picture.Copy !req
235. Thank you very much for stopping.
I borrowed this camera from him.Copy !req
236. See, he's in the National Guard.
He thinks he looks good in his uniform.Copy !req
237. - Certainly, Lieutenant.
- Gee, I hope I put the film in right.Copy !req
238. You mean that's it?Copy !req
239. I expect you've seen pictures
of the New Scotland Yard, Lieutenant.Copy !req
240. That looks pretty new to me.Copy !req
241. The New Scotland Yard
was the old headquarters.Copy !req
242. Uh, but it wasn't old Scotland Yard.Copy !req
243. No, no. It was New Scotland Yard,
but, um...Copy !req
244. - O'Keefe.
- I'm gonna take a picture.Copy !req
245. Where the devil have you been?
That plane got in two hours ago.Copy !req
246. Didn't you meet it?Copy !req
247. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't realize
there was a hurry on.Copy !req
248. He's never been here before.
I suppose things do look a bit different.Copy !req
249. They were changing the guard
at Buckingham Palace.Copy !req
250. Fortunately, his camera
wasn't in his suitcase.Copy !req
251. Yeah, he's lost it.
Uh, his suitcase, I mean.Copy !req
252. Yeah, there was a bit
of a mix-up at London Airport.Copy !req
253. What, you mean... I say.Copy !req
254. Uh, Lieutenant.Copy !req
255. Lieutenant.Copy !req
256. This is, uh, Detective
Chief Superintendent Durk.Copy !req
257. - Lieutenant Columbo.
- Lieutenant.Copy !req
258. Detective Chief Superintendent Durk.
This is a great honor.Copy !req
259. "Durk" will do.Copy !req
260. He's to be your host
on this inspection visit, sir.Copy !req
261. I certainly don't wanna
get in your hair, sir.Copy !req
262. Nonsense. I'm the one
that's messing up your schedule.Copy !req
263. Beg pardon?Copy !req
264. We were supposed to visit the new
police academy at Reading today.Copy !req
265. But I'm afraid my wife called, and we're
going to have to make a little detour.Copy !req
266. I hope you don't mind.Copy !req
267. My wife always calls about
some errand at the grocery store.Copy !req
268. A bit different this time.
Death in the family.Copy !req
269. We'll use my car.Copy !req
270. Sure must be a big family.Copy !req
271. The old duffer lived all alone actually.Copy !req
272. My wife's uncle, twice removed.Copy !req
273. Actually, I saw very little of the fellow.
Come on.Copy !req
274. This is just a duty call.Copy !req
275. I'll leave my card,
and then we can be moving along.Copy !req
276. I thought you might like to look around
one of these old places.Copy !req
277. Oh, uh, Mr. Durk, sir?Copy !req
278. Yes. Are you
the local constable?Copy !req
279. Fatheringham, sir.Copy !req
280. And my accident report
is already filed.Copy !req
281. Mr. Tanner, he was properly disturbed
finding the master expired.Copy !req
282. And before breakfast and all.Copy !req
283. So I stayed around to help see
to the removal of the remains.Copy !req
284. Uh, just took His Lordship off, they did,
to have him properly coffined.Copy !req
285. Uh, for public mourning,
considering his station.Copy !req
286. What did he say?Copy !req
287. His Lordship died.
Uh, some sort of accident.Copy !req
288. What happened?Copy !req
289. Well, I really don't know.Copy !req
290. You think you could ask?Copy !req
291. Could you fill us in, Constable?Copy !req
292. Oh, uh, took a fall
down the staircase, he did.Copy !req
293. Landed just there, fully clad.Copy !req
294. Must have happened
before midnight, the doctor thought,Copy !req
295. what with the rigor mortis.Copy !req
296. But we added it all up quite neatly.Copy !req
297. Sir Roger was reading in the upstairs
sitting room, you see,Copy !req
298. and he started to come down.Copy !req
299. Here we are, Charlie, dear.Copy !req
300. In times of trial, I always say
there's nothing like...Copy !req
301. cold beer.Copy !req
302. Yes. Well, uh, I'll just have a word
with the servants, Columbo.Copy !req
303. Look around as much as you like.Copy !req
304. Quite an old showplace really.Copy !req
305. Excuse me.
Irish whiskey before luncheon?Copy !req
306. I would have thought perhaps
that a glass of sherry...Copy !req
307. a nice amontillado...
would have been more appropriate.Copy !req
308. Oh, no, sir. No.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
309. I really wasn't looking for a drink.
No. I was, uh...Copy !req
310. I was just wondering, uh...Copy !req
311. I wonder, could you tell me,Copy !req
312. do you know whether or not
Mr., uh... the gentleman, Sir Haversham...Copy !req
313. was that the chair
that he was reading in last night?Copy !req
314. Well, as a matter of fact,Copy !req
315. that was Sir Roger's favorite chair
when he wanted to read, yes.Copy !req
316. Oh, I see.
Terrible thing, wasn't it?Copy !req
317. Yes. Very shocking.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
318. - Why do you suppose he started downstairs?
- No idea.Copy !req
319. No. Couldn't have been to get any liquor.
Certainly plenty of stuff up here.Copy !req
320. Well, sir, it's not for me
to question my master's wishes.Copy !req
321. As a matter of fact, he sometimes
preferred to have a cup of cocoa...Copy !req
322. as a nightcap, from the kitchen.Copy !req
323. You work here?Copy !req
324. Indeed I do.
I've been here for many happy years.Copy !req
325. I thought you were
a friend of the family.Copy !req
326. Thank you very much.Copy !req
327. And you, I take it, are the gentleman
who rang the bell just now.Copy !req
328. - Oh, that works?
- Indeed it does.Copy !req
329. Gee, I thought it was just decoration.Copy !req
330. - Boy, that's funny, isn't it?
- What's funny?Copy !req
331. No. I was just wondering, if, uh...Copy !req
332. if he wanted something last night,
why he didn't just ring for it.Copy !req
333. Well, if I may say so,
unlike many masters,Copy !req
334. Sir Roger was very considerate
to his staff.Copy !req
335. Perhaps you'll be good enough
to excuse me.Copy !req
336. Oh, certainly, sir. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hold you up.Copy !req
337. I just get curious about these things.Copy !req
338. I guess nobody heard anything
when he fell downstairs.Copy !req
339. Well, that's understandable.Copy !req
340. You see, cook's quarters
are in the south wing.Copy !req
341. And the maids also sleep there.
I live in the old cottage.Copy !req
342. And it so happens Sir Roger
dismissed us early last night.Copy !req
343. I should say not later than 7:00.Copy !req
344. What I was wondering...Copy !req
345. Tanner's been the butler here
for over 20 years, Columbo.Copy !req
346. Uh, the lieutenant's here from
Los Angeles for a few days.Copy !req
347. He's observing
our latest techniques at the Yard.Copy !req
348. How interesting. Let's hope some of it
"rubs off," as they say.Copy !req
349. Oh, thank you very much.
I certainly hope so.Copy !req
350. Listen, now, if you're the butler,
then maybe, uh...Copy !req
351. You know, this is not too important.
But, with your permission,Copy !req
352. it's just that I noticed that somebody said
that Sir Roger was fully dressed.Copy !req
353. And I was wondering...Copy !req
354. I guess they meant by that that he
was wearing, like, a smoking jacket?Copy !req
355. Actually, Sir Roger was wearing
a gray Harris tweed suit with a blue tie.Copy !req
356. While he was reading?Copy !req
357. Well, isn't that something?
You know, I can't even stand a necktie.Copy !req
358. Sir Roger, if I may say so,
was rather particular.Copy !req
359. Quite. Well, uh, shall we
be getting along, Columbo?Copy !req
360. Oh, yes. Certainly, sir.
Oh, uh, sir. Uh...Copy !req
361. You know,
I couldn't help noticing, uh...Copy !req
362. Do you have a moment?Copy !req
363. Now, I couldn't help noticing that
a man with such an impressive library,Copy !req
364. isn't it funny
what he did to that book?Copy !req
365. What?Copy !req
366. I mean, if this was the book
that Sir Roger was reading last night.Copy !req
367. - I'm afraid I don't follow you.
- This is a valuable book, isn't it?Copy !req
368. Alice in Wonderland, first edition.Copy !req
369. I, uh... I imagine it's worth
a few thousand, yes.Copy !req
370. You see, back home,
we call this the spine of the book,Copy !req
371. and you know you can break that thing
by putting it down upside-down like that.Copy !req
372. Of course, I never knew that until I did it
to my mother-in-law's cookbook.Copy !req
373. She almost hit me with a frying pan.Copy !req
374. Well, perhaps he was in a hurry,
or, uh, perhaps something startled him.Copy !req
375. Yes, sir. You know, maybe
that's why he started downstairs.Copy !req
376. Maybe he heard something.
He was an older fella, wasn't he?Copy !req
377. Yes.Copy !req
378. Just looking for his reading glasses,
'cause I didn't notice any around.Copy !req
379. Would you mind asking the gentleman?Copy !req
380. Tanner.Copy !req
381. Mr. Columbo would like to know
the whereabouts of Sir Roger's glasses.Copy !req
382. - If you don't mind, sir.
- No, not at all.Copy !req
383. Actually, it was Sir Roger's custom,
when not actually reading,Copy !req
384. to keep his spectacles
in his breast pocket.Copy !req
385. And, if you must know,
that's where they still are.Copy !req
386. Ah. They must have gotten
smashed up pretty badly...Copy !req
387. after he fell down all those stairs.Copy !req
388. Oh, well, we didn't actually waste time
looking for broken glass...Copy !req
389. under such tragic circumstances.Copy !req
390. Besides, we noticed nothing
unusual or abnormal.Copy !req
391. No, no, no. Just a...
Just a simple accident.Copy !req
392. Well, thank you, Tanner.Copy !req
393. - And, once again, my sympathies.
- Thank you, Mr. Durk.Copy !req
394. Constable. I just had a thought.Copy !req
395. - Lovely chatting with you.
- My pleasure.Copy !req
396. I'm gonna tell my wife
that I met a real English butler.Copy !req
397. - She's gonna get a terrific kick out of that.
- You flatter me.Copy !req
398. - Thank you. Good-bye.
- After you, Columbo.Copy !req
399. Please. Please, gentlemen.
Not now.Copy !req
400. I'm-I'm sorry.Copy !req
401. Hold it just like that, Mr. Frame.Copy !req
402. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
403. No, no, no.
We don't want that sort of thing.Copy !req
404. Lilly, pull yourself together, huh?
Hmm?Copy !req
405. Let's get you out of here.Copy !req
406. Out of the lights.Copy !req
407. Poor Lillian.Copy !req
408. She was like a favorite daughter
to Sir Roger.Copy !req
409. A daughter, Mr. Frame?
Not much older than you, was he?Copy !req
410. Whose idea is this little bash?Copy !req
411. This little "bash"
is a dream, gentlemen,Copy !req
412. Sir Roger's own dream which he confided
to me on several occasions.Copy !req
413. "When I'm dead," he told me,Copy !req
414. "I'd like one last chance
to say good-bye...Copy !req
415. to all those beautiful actors
and musicians and..."Copy !req
416. There, there, there, Miss Dudley.
Stiff upper... lip.Copy !req
417. And what about Macbeth, Mr. Frame?Copy !req
418. Somebody says
you're still opening tonight.Copy !req
419. Oh, but-but for his sake,
not for ours.Copy !req
420. Oh, if we didn't go on,
Sir Roger would roll over in his grave.Copy !req
421. "Spectaculum procedere debet,"
he always said.Copy !req
422. "The show must go on."Copy !req
423. Doesn't hurt advance ticket sales
either, I suppose.Copy !req
424. Swine.Copy !req
425. Uh, I'll be right back, darling.Copy !req
426. Ma'am.Copy !req
427. It's a lucky thing I packed a spare
in my pocket instead of my suitcase.Copy !req
428. - Thank you.
- It got lost somewhere.Copy !req
429. - You're American.
- L.A. Got in yesterday.Copy !req
430. 707. Eleven hours.Copy !req
431. At least you're not a photographer.Copy !req
432. My makeup must look dreadful.Copy !req
433. Actually, I did bring a camera...Copy !req
434. and I wanted to take a picture of you,
but not now. Wrong time.Copy !req
435. - You can keep that.
- Thank you.Copy !req
436. Guess you must have been as close to Sir
Roger lately as anybody in the whole world.Copy !req
437. He was our dearest friend.Copy !req
438. Sir Roger was mostly retired,
you know, until the last few months,Copy !req
439. when he persuaded us
to do this lavish production...Copy !req
440. what he'd always wanted to do.Copy !req
441. Now he won't even be able to see it.Copy !req
442. Terrible time to ask,
but how could I get tickets?Copy !req
443. I'd love to see the show tonight.Copy !req
444. Well, I... I think I could...Copy !req
445. Well, can't your newspaper arrange it?Copy !req
446. - You are a reporter.
- Oh, no, ma'am. No.Copy !req
447. Oh, no. I'm terribly sorry.
No. My name is Columbo.Copy !req
448. - I'm just a visiting fireman.
- Fireman?Copy !req
449. Oh, that's just an expression.
I'm a policeman.Copy !req
450. - Police?
- Yeah.Copy !req
451. You see, I'm just tagging along
with that fella over there.Copy !req
452. Mr. Durk... detective chief superintendent,
Scotland Yard.Copy !req
453. - He's showing me around London.
- Well, Lieutenant, can we go now?Copy !req
454. Oh, yeah, certainly.Copy !req
455. Let's see if we can
get out this way, shall we?Copy !req
456. Excuse me, ma'am. It was wonderful talking
to someone as famous as you.Copy !req
457. And I hope I've been able
to make you feel a little better.Copy !req
458. I, uh... I had a word
with the funeral chaps.Copy !req
459. They're bringing the body
about 2:00. No fuss.Copy !req
460. Listen, that was a great idea that you had
about checking up on those glasses.Copy !req
461. I mean, if he fell all the way down that
staircase with his glasses in his pocket,Copy !req
462. and they weren't even cracked...Copy !req
463. Actually, I rather had it on my mind
to request a postmortem.Copy !req
464. - Post what?
- Autopsy.Copy !req
465. Well, one never knows
with these little, uh, accidents.Copy !req
466. You can never be too sure.Copy !req
467. In the meantime, you might like to
take a look at our ballistics laboratory.Copy !req
468. It's quite the latest thing.Copy !req
469. Wonderful. Wonderful.Copy !req
470. - Autopsy?
- And detective chief superintendent.Copy !req
471. - That means the murder squad, doesn't it?
- Well, I'm not sure.Copy !req
472. Well, why aren't you sure?
Oh, Nicky, they'll find something.Copy !req
473. No, no, no. Not here, they won't.Copy !req
474. Now, this trunk
is absolutely clean.Copy !req
475. And we washed that cold cream jar
that-that you hit him with.Copy !req
476. I hit him with?
If you hadn't moved...Copy !req
477. Now-Now wait.Copy !req
478. Nobody even knows that Roger
was in the theater last night.Copy !req
479. - Nobody even knows he left home.
- How do you know that?Copy !req
480. He knew already about us
when he came here last night.Copy !req
481. He must have been talking to someone.Copy !req
482. And I bet I know who...
that nasty little Miss Dudley.Copy !req
483. Oh, that child? Don't be absurd.Copy !req
484. Besides, I can handle Miss Dudley.Copy !req
485. You try that just once,
and I'll have your guts for garters.Copy !req
486. Oh, Lilly, please!Copy !req
487. Nicky, darling, won't an autopsy...Copy !req
488. give a clue as to what we did
with Roger's body after he was dead?Copy !req
489. - I'm not sure. I really don't know.
- Well, why don't you know?Copy !req
490. If you'd taken that part
in the Agatha Christie play,Copy !req
491. like I told you to,
you would know these things.Copy !req
492. You know perfectly well
why I didn't take that rubbish.Copy !req
493. Huh!Copy !req
494. What, "huh"?Copy !req
495. "False face must hide
what the false heart doth know."Copy !req
496. Huh?Copy !req
497. Ah, Mr. Durk, sir.
Spot of tea this afternoon?Copy !req
498. My guest is rather hungry, George.
I've been hauling him about sightseeing.Copy !req
499. I'm afraid he hasn't had
much time to eat.Copy !req
500. Would you, uh, care to sit here?Copy !req
501. When you said "club," I thought you meant
a country club or a health club.Copy !req
502. Mm. Bit stuffy, I'm afraid.
Hasn't changed since Father's day.Copy !req
503. My father was an Elk once,
till my mother stopped him.Copy !req
504. Ah. Here we are. Pitch in.Copy !req
505. - That's for us?
- Yes.Copy !req
506. Oh. When you said "tea,"Copy !req
507. I was afraid we were gonna get
nothin' but those tiny sandwiches.Copy !req
508. This is terrific.Copy !req
509. Why do you think
we keep the ladies out, sir?Copy !req
510. - Diver. What are you doing here?
- I left my assistant to finish up the job.Copy !req
511. This is Lieutenant Columbo,
Los Angeles Police.Copy !req
512. Really? Now, there's a place
with opportunity.Copy !req
513. - Why, 20 times the business I get here.
- Beg pardon?Copy !req
514. - Liverwurst, sir?
- Yes.Copy !req
515. Go on. Go on, gentlemen.
I'll just talk while you eat.Copy !req
516. - Uh, Diver is our pathologist.
- Oh.Copy !req
517. Waiter. Chop.Copy !req
518. Postmortem lividity, Mr. Durk.
There it was, all over him.Copy !req
519. There was your answer
before I even made the first slice.Copy !req
520. Oh. You're the autopsy surgeon.Copy !req
521. Stilton cheese is particularly nice
today, sir.Copy !req
522. Fine. Thank you.Copy !req
523. As if you didn't know more about
postmortems than I do, Lieutenant.Copy !req
524. All that opportunity.
Here. These photos are still wet.Copy !req
525. Just notice those purplish spots
on the left thigh there.Copy !req
526. - Oh, yes.
- Do start. Don't wait for us.Copy !req
527. Get to the point, Diver.
You mean the body was moved?Copy !req
528. Oh, yes. Some little time
after death, I'd say.Copy !req
529. What time did he die?Copy !req
530. The abdomen too. Notice there
where the... the blood's settled.Copy !req
531. Oh, anywhere from
early evening to midnight.Copy !req
532. I've got the, uh, fluid samples.Copy !req
533. I... I don't think they'll
tell us much more.Copy !req
534. Then Sir Roger did not die
by falling down a staircase.Copy !req
535. Oh, no. He died somewhere else,
and then he was moved there later on.Copy !req
536. There are several bruises,
almost as if he'd been in a fight.Copy !req
537. And a blow to the occipital region
causing that brain hemorrhage there.Copy !req
538. You agree, Lieutenant?Copy !req
539. Uh, oh, yes.
It's murder, all right.Copy !req
540. Extraordinary.Copy !req
541. Thank you.Copy !req
542. Yoo-hoo! Tanner.Copy !req
543. Go on, go on.Copy !req
544. Well. This is a surprise.Copy !req
545. I must say, I didn't expect
to see you here at this hour,Copy !req
546. with your opening
and everything tonight.Copy !req
547. This must be dreadful
for you, Tanner.Copy !req
548. - Thank you, miss. And for you too.
- For all of us.Copy !req
549. Uh, Tanner, I didn't want to bring this up at
this time, but something's been bothering me.Copy !req
550. - My Sir Henry Irving, remember?
- Irving, sir?Copy !req
551. Yes. The other day, out on the terrace,
I was showing it to Sir Roger...Copy !req
552. Irving's own copy of Macbeth.Copy !req
553. Of course.Copy !req
554. Yes, well, I left it here
for Roger to have a look at.Copy !req
555. Hmm, I didn't realize. And you need it
before your performance tonight.Copy !req
556. Oh, scarcely.
I do know my lines.Copy !req
557. But, uh, that old book had Irving's
own comments on every page.Copy !req
558. And I got to thinking, when someone dies,
there's always all that legal nonsense.Copy !req
559. You know, inventories
and sealing things up.Copy !req
560. And, uh, since it is just about
the most valuable thing I own...Copy !req
561. I quite understand, sir. We won't let
those stupid tax people even see it.Copy !req
562. I'll slip it to you myself,
and mum's the word.Copy !req
563. I'd, um... I'd rather not go in,
darling, if you don't mind.Copy !req
564. Yes, I understand, dear.
Shan't be a moment.Copy !req
565. That actor fellow... Frame.
That's odd.Copy !req
566. I thought he had a play opening.Copy !req
567. Hey! Better stop that.Copy !req
568. You'd better leave that. We don't
want anything touched for a while.Copy !req
569. Scotland Yard.Copy !req
570. - Sir Roger's, huh?
- That's right.Copy !req
571. Sure pretty.Copy !req
572. Well, Mr. Tanner says wash 'em.
I wash 'em.Copy !req
573. Well, it's not very dirty anyhow.Copy !req
574. A few spots. That's all.Copy !req
575. Say, did you wash this car
yesterday?Copy !req
576. I wash it every day.Copy !req
577. You'd think it was his own
bloomin' chariot.Copy !req
578. Murdered?Copy !req
579. Oh, God!
I can't believe it.Copy !req
580. Yes, well, you see,
the autopsy showed the, uh...Copy !req
581. But we won't
go into those little details.Copy !req
582. No luck, darling.Copy !req
583. Wasn't in the downstairs library.
Wasn't anywhere I could...Copy !req
584. Nick!Copy !req
585. This is Superintendent Durk.Copy !req
586. He says that someone...
murdered poor dear Roger.Copy !req
587. Good heavens!Copy !req
588. We had no idea.Copy !req
589. Mr. Frame.Copy !req
590. Yes, Tanner. Uh...Copy !req
591. Here. It's not upstairs, sir.Copy !req
592. I've looked everywhere,
even in Sir Roger's safe.Copy !req
593. - What is this you're all looking for?
- Oh, nothing. A book.Copy !req
594. We were out for a drive and stopped by.
That's all. It's not important.Copy !req
595. - Tanner. Mr. Durk says...
- Now, just one moment.Copy !req
596. The Yard will decide
what's important here.Copy !req
597. A book, you say. What sort of book?Copy !req
598. Well, it's rather a nice little volume.
I lent it to Roger one day last week.Copy !req
599. Sir Henry Irving's own copy of Macbeth.Copy !req
600. Had his own notes
scribbled on every page.Copy !req
601. Really? And now you say
you can't find it?Copy !req
602. No. Searched everywhere.Copy !req
603. Have you indeed?
Do you hear that, Columbo?Copy !req
604. Yes, sir, I did.
I was just wondering, who is Irving?Copy !req
605. Excuse me, sir.
Sir Henry Irving...Copy !req
606. perhaps the greatest
English actor who ever lived.Copy !req
607. Well, one of them, let's say.Copy !req
608. But I do suppose that, uh,
little copy of Macbeth...Copy !req
609. must be worth all of, uh,
20,000 or 30,000 by now.Copy !req
610. Do you hear that, Columbo?Copy !req
611. There, never mind.
I'm sure it'll turn up.Copy !req
612. We have an 8:00 curtain, so, uh...Copy !req
613. Please call us if there's
anything we can do, Mr. Durk.Copy !req
614. My dear fellow, you already have.Copy !req
615. You already have.Copy !req
616. Now, simple deduction,
I suppose.Copy !req
617. Suppose there were a thief
in the house.Copy !req
618. Suppose that's what Sir Roger heard.
Came down to investigate...Copy !req
619. Would you excuse me
for just one moment, sir?Copy !req
620. Mr. Tanner.Copy !req
621. Yes, sir.Copy !req
622. Mr. Tanner, sir, could you tell me,Copy !req
623. was there any sort of rain
out here last night?Copy !req
624. Rain, sir? No. We haven't
had a drop all the week.Copy !req
625. Excuse me.Copy !req
626. - Say, you won't forget, will ya?
- What?Copy !req
627. My ticket. You won't forget
my ticket for tonight.Copy !req
628. No. I'll leave it
at the box office in my name.Copy !req
629. Hook, line and sinker.Copy !req
630. Nice to see you.Copy !req
631. Oh, you are a dear.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
632. - Thrilling, wasn't it?
- Oh! How are you?Copy !req
633. Lilly, you divine little devil.Copy !req
634. - You were simply marvelous.
- Thank you.Copy !req
635. Lilly, astounding.
Absolutely astounding.Copy !req
636. - Ah, you are sweet.
- If only Roger could have seen it.Copy !req
637. Yes.Copy !req
638. - Oh.
- Oh. Sorry.Copy !req
639. - Oh, it's you.
- I think I stepped on something and broke it.Copy !req
640. Oh, no.Copy !req
641. Oh.Copy !req
642. I guess this is somebody's necklace.Copy !req
643. Mine, silly.Copy !req
644. I thought I'd found
all the beads last night.Copy !req
645. It was like this.Copy !req
646. My wardrobe mistress
made me another one this morning.Copy !req
647. Lillian.Copy !req
648. - Oh! Darling.
- Gorgeous thing.Copy !req
649. - Oh, you were fantastic. Just fantastic.
- Oh, you are sweet.Copy !req
650. - Excuse me.
- Sarah Bernhardt. Our own divine Sarah Bernhardt.Copy !req
651. In other words... This is just
a little thing that you broke last night...Copy !req
652. during that little fight that you had?Copy !req
653. - That's right. Did you really like it?
- You were incredible.Copy !req
654. Of course I'm too young to have seen
Sarah Bernhardt...Copy !req
655. What did you say, darling?Copy !req
656. Listen, before I forget,
let me thank you for the tickets.Copy !req
657. I have never been so shook. I saw Hamlet,
but that was back in high school.Copy !req
658. I mean, tonight when you stood there
with that bloody dagger...Copy !req
659. - It was thrilling, wasn't it?
- Yes.Copy !req
660. Come on.
You've had her long enough.Copy !req
661. - Oh, yes, ma'am.
- Lilly, love.Copy !req
662. What insight. What depth.
Oh! You were delicious.Copy !req
663. Oh, darling. You are sweet.Copy !req
664. - Come to the party.
- Yes, I will.Copy !req
665. Come tomorrow night.
You'll see something...Copy !req
666. Thank you.Copy !req
667. Ah! There you are.Copy !req
668. Ah, so, you liked it, huh?Copy !req
669. Better than any movie
I've ever seen in my whole life.Copy !req
670. I don't know what that fella Irving had, but,
believe me, the way you took that part...Copy !req
671. - Oh, thanks.
- I'll never forget it. I was thrilled.Copy !req
672. Wasn't it thrilling? Huh?Copy !req
673. Thanks for coming. Thanks.
Good to see you.Copy !req
674. Oh, by the by, they haven't found
that little book of mine, have they?Copy !req
675. I don't think so, sir. No.Copy !req
676. - Oh, you were simply marvelous tonight.
- Thank you. Good of you to come by.Copy !req
677. They seem to think there was a robber
in the house, I guess.Copy !req
678. - Good Lord.
- Oh, oh. Oh. Thanks.Copy !req
679. Well, that would explain things,
wouldn't it?Copy !req
680. I... I mean, uh, if... if old, uh,
Sir Roger caught him in the act, then...Copy !req
681. No, sir. I don't think so, sir.Copy !req
682. Nicky, darling,
you were simply marvelous.Copy !req
683. Thank you, my love. Thank you.Copy !req
684. - You don't think so?
- No, no. I don't think so...Copy !req
685. Because if he had killed Sir Roger...Copy !req
686. and then moved the body in order to
make it look like an accident...Copy !req
687. With all those beautiful things around,
why would he just take one book? Would you?Copy !req
688. Right on, Nicky Frame.
All hail Macbeth!Copy !req
689. Magnificent.Copy !req
690. - Good to see you.
- Splendid. Good to see you.Copy !req
691. Well, we-we've got to have a drink.Copy !req
692. Thank you, dear. Thank you.
We did try... for Roger's sake.Copy !req
693. This needs a damn good brush, Mary.
It's been trampled to death.Copy !req
694. Oh. Here you are again, Lieutenant.Copy !req
695. What little snoop told you
there was a fight in here?Copy !req
696. Was she perhaps blonde?Copy !req
697. Oh, no. Just some guy in overalls
out there happened to mention it.Copy !req
698. Oh, Nick and I always fight.Copy !req
699. Ma'am, I didn't mean to pry. I was just
asking about the rain last night...Copy !req
700. Lilly, get your clothes off.
It's time to celebrate.Copy !req
701. Rain?Copy !req
702. "Spots on the hood"?Copy !req
703. Oh, the bonnet.Copy !req
704. Well, anyway, on his car, and it hasn't
rained out there for over a week.Copy !req
705. Ah. You think that Roger might have
driven somewhere else last night?Copy !req
706. No, no, no, no, no.
Tanner would have noticed his leaving.Copy !req
707. Mr. Tanner says not, sir.
So I got to wondering.Copy !req
708. Uh, well, anyway, of course,
from what I hear, uh,Copy !req
709. your wife might know
Sir Roger better than you do, sir.Copy !req
710. But at any rate, uh...Copy !req
711. Come along, Nick, darling.
We're having a simply smashing party.Copy !req
712. Yes, go on.Copy !req
713. No, I was just
gonna say that the, uh...Copy !req
714. the paper does say that it sprinkled
here in London a little last night.Copy !req
715. Uh-huh.Copy !req
716. But it must have rained
in lots of places, don't you think?Copy !req
717. That's exactly what Mr. Frame said.
Only I got to thinking...Copy !req
718. Since you and Sir Roger
were so close,Copy !req
719. maybe he might have come here to wish
you luck in private or something like that.Copy !req
720. But he didn't. I don't know what
your man in overalls told you.Copy !req
721. Oh, nobody saw him.Copy !req
722. Of course, I haven't asked the stage
doorman yet. I can't seem to find him.Copy !req
723. Lieutenant, the last time
I saw Sir Roger Haversham...Copy !req
724. was the day before yesterday.Copy !req
725. It was at the Dorchester for lunch.
Uh, Roger, Lilly and I...Copy !req
726. were discussing plans for an
American production of Macbeth.Copy !req
727. That's if the critics like us,
of course.Copy !req
728. And after lunch, Nick and I came back
here for rehearsal.Copy !req
729. And Roger never interfered
on those days.Copy !req
730. But as for that
childish little fight last night...Copy !req
731. Lilly struck me.Copy !req
732. Well, he was making fatherly eyes
at one of the understudies.Copy !req
733. Lilly is paranoid.
So I struck her back.Copy !req
734. In a not very nice place.Copy !req
735. She landed against this wall
over here.Copy !req
736. Clumsy thing.Copy !req
737. So I picked up my bloody dagger,Copy !req
738. and I went at him!Copy !req
739. Oh, gosh. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize it was so late.Copy !req
740. Didn't mean to stay so long.Copy !req
741. Oh, yes, you did, Columbo.Copy !req
742. You heard some silly gossip, I suppose,
about... about Sir Roger and my wife.Copy !req
743. You have some vulgar
American notion of a love triangle.Copy !req
744. No, sir. Not at all.Copy !req
745. You have some nasty idea...Copy !req
746. that poor old Roger must have been
lured into town last night...Copy !req
747. by Macbeth himself, perhaps.Copy !req
748. The play is rather suggestive of murder,
I suppose, to impressionable minds.Copy !req
749. Too bad he didn't come visiting
at Christmas.Copy !req
750. You could have got him
tickets for the children's pantomime.Copy !req
751. - Nicky, stop it.
- I'm terribly sorry, sir. Believe me.Copy !req
752. I guess I did get carried away
by those questions.Copy !req
753. But, you see, I just...Copy !req
754. I just have never seen
anything like you.Copy !req
755. Like that performance
you both just gave.Copy !req
756. Thank you.Copy !req
757. I didn't mean to be nasty, old boy.Copy !req
758. No hard feelings.Copy !req
759. You both must be exhausted.
I don't know how you do it.Copy !req
760. With innocent, loving hearts.
Good night, Lieutenant.Copy !req
761. Well, whatever it is,
it sure must be most unusual.Copy !req
762. Uh, the reason I say that is because, you
know, when my wife and I try to remember...Copy !req
763. what happened yesterday or the day before,
well, we don't agree on anything.Copy !req
764. And you two, you not only agree,Copy !req
765. you use almost the exact same words
to tell about it.Copy !req
766. - Good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
767. After that performance we just gave.Copy !req
768. Of all the nerve.Copy !req
769. Hold it! Hold it!Copy !req
770. We can't have our leading lady
opening her own door.Copy !req
771. Oh, I just stepped out for a...
for a moment, sir,Copy !req
772. to get a little sniff of the fresh air.Copy !req
773. Oh, and I never heard such glorious
remarks about an opening night, sir.Copy !req
774. Oh, and you too, Miss Stanhope.
You were an angel in the part.Copy !req
775. If I heard it a thousand times,
I heard it once.Copy !req
776. The queen herself will be buying tickets.Copy !req
777. Here. Ooh. Dear me.
Oh, these doors, how they do go on.Copy !req
778. Well, in you get. Oh. Oh, sir.Copy !req
779. That's most especially gracious.
Thank you.Copy !req
780. And you was marvelous too.
That dagger and the blood and all...Copy !req
781. and holding up your hand like a carnation
and making the audience gasp.Copy !req
782. Well, thank you both so much.
Good night, sir. Good night, Miss Stanhope.Copy !req
783. Good night.Copy !req
784. Where did he get that umbrella?Copy !req
785. Hmm?Copy !req
786. That little engraving on the handle,
just like the one that...Copy !req
787. Don't you remember?
Roger told us...Copy !req
788. that Lady Astor had given him
this engraved umbrell...Copy !req
789. - You took the umbrella last night.
- Yes, of course.Copy !req
790. I put it in Roger's closet with his coat
and hat, just where it belonged.Copy !req
791. Mm-hmm.
You sure you got the right one?Copy !req
792. Oh, Nick. Yes, of course.Copy !req
793. It was the only one there.
Umbrella, I mean. In my dressing room.Copy !req
794. Except... Well, Joe did pick up
some of his own things earlier.Copy !req
795. Oh, no.Copy !req
796. Oh.Copy !req
797. Here. Watch it, mate.Copy !req
798. Why, Mr. Frame. What a delight. What are...
I thought you'd gone home.Copy !req
799. I couldn't get away from the curb.Copy !req
800. Some of Lilly's
country cousins came by.Copy !req
801. Stopped us. Dreary things.
They'll be talking forever.Copy !req
802. So you drop in for a
pint of wallop, eh?Copy !req
803. - Uh, what are you having?
- Uh, well, it was bitter.Copy !req
804. I'm dying of thirst.
Uh... Uh, Bess, uh,Copy !req
805. give us two of the same,
and put it on my account, love.Copy !req
806. Yes, sir, Mr. Frame.Copy !req
807. Why, that's extremely gracious
of you, Mr. Frame.Copy !req
808. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Very nice.Copy !req
809. You know, that thing
is rather dangerous. Uh,Copy !req
810. you're gonna stab somebody with that.Copy !req
811. - Let me put it on the stand for you.
- No, no.Copy !req
812. No, I'm... I'm very careful
with it, Mr. Frame. Thank you.Copy !req
813. - Cheers, Joe.
- To you.Copy !req
814. - Ah! Not so rusty after all, huh?
- No, Mr. Frame. It's not bad.Copy !req
815. What do you say, Joe?
Uh, a penny a point?Copy !req
816. Penny a point?Copy !req
817. Oh.Copy !req
818. Well, you know,Copy !req
819. my rheumatiz.Copy !req
820. Oh, rheumatism. All right.
Let's make it a tuppence.Copy !req
821. Tuppence a throw, sir?Copy !req
822. Well, if it's going to be
high finance.Copy !req
823. All a matter of balance, sir.Copy !req
824. Well, that cleans me. Here.Copy !req
825. Why, thank you, Mr. Frame.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
826. Oh, well, that's it, Joe.
I've really got to, uh...Copy !req
827. - You're empty again.
- Oh, oh.Copy !req
828. - Bess.
- Yes, Mr. Frame.Copy !req
829. Drinks all around. You hear me?Copy !req
830. - Certainly.
- It's on me. Drinks for the whole house.Copy !req
831. Oh, that's... that's gracious of you,
Mr. Frame. Very gracious.Copy !req
832. Do you have a minute, sir?Copy !req
833. - Excuse me.
- Don't touch me.Copy !req
834. Sorry.Copy !req
835. Mr. Fenwick?
The stage doorman?Copy !req
836. You see, I was at the theater earlier,
but I couldn't find you around anyplace.Copy !req
837. I was there
in my post of duty as always.Copy !req
838. I wanted to ask you about yesterday,Copy !req
839. because you're the only person
who could have noticed anything.Copy !req
840. My name is Columbo. I know that
doesn't mean anything around here.Copy !req
841. I wish I could find my wallet.Copy !req
842. I've got a friend over there
at Scotland Yard... Mr. Durk.Copy !req
843. He's chief of all the detectives there.
This is me. Columbo. C-O-L-U-M-B-O.Copy !req
844. - Police officer.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
845. - You want to ask me about yesterday?
- I do, sir. Yes.Copy !req
846. Well, no. Tomorrow.
"And tomorrow and tomorrow."Copy !req
847. Did Mr. Haversham
come to the theater yesterday?Copy !req
848. Did he call or anything like that?Copy !req
849. If you happen to be referring...Copy !req
850. to Sir Roger Haversham,Copy !req
851. for 20 years I've been
in his trusted employ...Copy !req
852. and never once
have I caught a glimpse of him...Copy !req
853. on dress rehearsal day.Copy !req
854. It's the shrapnel. Oh!Copy !req
855. It sort of makes
the trotters a bit wobbly.Copy !req
856. Are you sure about yesterday? I know
sometimes it's kind of hard to remember.Copy !req
857. I mean, couldn't Sir Roger
have maybe come to the theater?Copy !req
858. - Are you calling me a liar?
- No, sir.Copy !req
859. - Saying I wasn't at my post of duty?
- No, sir.Copy !req
860. With Monty I was, at El Alamein.
That's where I caught mine.Copy !req
861. Mr. Fenwick, could we maybe go
to someplace more dry?Copy !req
862. Someplace where we could sit and talk.
I mean, I don't have an umbrella either.Copy !req
863. You know something?
Josser nabbed it.Copy !req
864. My brolly.
Right up there at the pub.Copy !req
865. And, you know,Copy !req
866. it's the young ones what does it...Copy !req
867. the ones with the long hair.Copy !req
868. As I was saying to Mr. Frame,Copy !req
869. there's no honor left
in this evil world.Copy !req
870. You were saying to who?
To Mr...Copy !req
871. Frame. Mr. Nicholas Frame.
The great actor.Copy !req
872. Oh, a finer gentleman
never breathed.Copy !req
873. And y-you know... You know, he took
the time to buy me a couple of pints.Copy !req
874. He did. And for all of them too.Copy !req
875. Right there
in the public section.Copy !req
876. You mean Mr. Frame
was just now in that same pub?Copy !req
877. Yes.Copy !req
878. Miss Stanhope, Mr. Frame.
Come in.Copy !req
879. Tanner, I was afraid
you'd gone off to bed.Copy !req
880. No. Mr. Durk thought it'd be better for me
to stay in the main house tonight.Copy !req
881. Of course. Of course.
We don't want any more robberies.Copy !req
882. But you know what, Tanner? I got to
thinking. We never looked in the sunroom.Copy !req
883. Roger was always putting things
in that, uh, little mahogany desk.Copy !req
884. Excuse me, sir, but Mr. Durk did say
he didn't want anything else touched.Copy !req
885. Oh, no, no, no.
Just have a look. That's all.Copy !req
886. - And if the Irving is there, um...
- Be right back, darling.Copy !req
887. Well, now that you're here,
for heaven's sakes, find it.Copy !req
888. I am sorry, Tanner. I apologize.Copy !req
889. I... I just had to know.Copy !req
890. You were right, Lilly.
Still no Irving.Copy !req
891. Isn't that typical
of my brainy husband?Copy !req
892. Driving all this way out here,
all this distance...Copy !req
893. I'll crawl all the way back...
hands and knees.Copy !req
894. I want a drink. Uh, Tanner,
do you suppose we could?Copy !req
895. Of course, madam.Copy !req
896. No, it's too late.
Now come on. Let's go.Copy !req
897. Nick, there's something
I'd like to find here.Copy !req
898. Something of Roger's
that I always loved.Copy !req
899. I'm sorry, madam, but the police were
rather explicit.Copy !req
900. Oh, hang the police.Copy !req
901. I-It's just that silly old
tweed hat he always wore.Copy !req
902. You know the one with the feather in it?
I'd love to have it.Copy !req
903. Nick, it must be
in a closet somewhere.Copy !req
904. - You want me to get it?
- Tanner, didn't he keep it in the closet?Copy !req
905. - Yes, madam. It was kept...
- It does seem a bit ghoulish, dear, but...Copy !req
906. Yes, it's not there now, sir.Copy !req
907. The Wax Museum picked it up this morning,
along with his cape and umbrella.Copy !req
908. Who?Copy !req
909. The Wax Museum. They're using it,
I am told, in their new exhibit,Copy !req
910. alongside your wax figures
as Macbeth and Lady Macbeth.Copy !req
911. I must say I thought it rather an honor
for the late master to be included.Copy !req
912. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Roger would be pleased.Copy !req
913. The Wax Museum?Copy !req
914. The things some people will do
to sell tickets.Copy !req
915. And do you mean to say
you let them walk out of here with...Copy !req
916. Actually, madam, it was the downstairs maid
who saw the gentlemen.Copy !req
917. This was before
Mr. Durk came, of course.Copy !req
918. But I must say I really saw
nothing wrong about it.Copy !req
919. Of course. We must all be willing to
share his memory with the public.Copy !req
920. Yes, I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm... I'm being selfish.Copy !req
921. I think it's just lovely
that now the whole world...Copy !req
922. will be able to see... everything.Copy !req
923. Oh, dear.Copy !req
924. Hi, Mr. Tanner. Look, I'm sure sorry
if I got you out of bed,Copy !req
925. but at least it doesn't look like
you were asleep.Copy !req
926. - Do you mind if I come in?
- Seems to me you are in.Copy !req
927. Well, look. It's just a little thing
I wanted to ask you about.Copy !req
928. It's unimportant,
but, well, it's about an umbrella.Copy !req
929. An umbrella?Copy !req
930. Come with me.Copy !req
931. Come along, love.Copy !req
932. Smells like the Roman catacombs.Copy !req
933. A storeroom, I think.
I was here before.Copy !req
934. They keep all the things
for each exhibit in a big box.Copy !req
935. Jolly. Just like a treasure hunt.Copy !req
936. If we don't get Roger's umbrella
back where it belongs and get Joe's out...Copy !req
937. You don't have to rub it in.
It wasn't my fault.Copy !req
938. Oh, Nicky, look.
Aren't they marvelous?Copy !req
939. I've always wanted to be
in a horror film.Copy !req
940. - Well, you certainly qualify.
- Thanks.Copy !req
941. Oh. Over here.Copy !req
942. Sorry, Roger.Copy !req
943. Ah. Here you are, sir.Copy !req
944. Did Sergeant O'Keefe explain
what this American wanted?Copy !req
945. - Yes, I got the message.
- Jones here is unlocking for us, sir.Copy !req
946. Jones, you say.
Well, I hope we're not wasting his time.Copy !req
947. Uh...Copy !req
948. I just hope you don't think
it's a waste of time, sir.Copy !req
949. Like I told your sergeant on the telephone, I
know I shouldn't be interfering like this.Copy !req
950. Nonsense. You're our guest here. I invited
you on the case myself. We're, uh...Copy !req
951. We're most fortunate
to have your assistance.Copy !req
952. Thank you.
Thank you very much, sir.Copy !req
953. 'Cause, you see, it's been bothering me.Copy !req
954. Whoever arranged
that little scene on the staircase...Copy !req
955. must have known that house pretty well...
and Sir Roger's habits too.Copy !req
956. Gentlemen, um,
see, this is where Sir Roger will go.Copy !req
957. Right next to the new Macbeth there.Copy !req
958. Will you come this way, gentlemen?
All our storage is downstairs.Copy !req
959. When are you opening your exhibit?Copy !req
960. Oh, in a few days. And now that his death
is a murder, we'll hurry it up.Copy !req
961. Naturally, you know,
people do enjoy that sort of thing.Copy !req
962. - And over here...
- Ruddy lifelike set of arms there.Copy !req
963. Uh, come over this way, because I think Sir
Roger's things are in one of these baskets.Copy !req
964. I didn't think there was any harm, Mr. Durk,
in letting them have, uh, Sir Roger's clothes.Copy !req
965. After all, he was famous
for the way he dressed.Copy !req
966. Oh, good heavens.
Look. Look. Look.Copy !req
967. Oh. Good heavens.Copy !req
968. That's not wax.Copy !req
969. Oh, yes, sir. We took it from a bust
that was made last year.Copy !req
970. It's not a bad likeness.Copy !req
971. Oh, uh... Ah, yes. Here we are.Copy !req
972. Now then, exactly what is it
you're looking for in here?Copy !req
973. - The umbrella, sir.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
974. You see, I have this theory
that it might be the wrong one.Copy !req
975. Otherwise, why would
the stage doorman's be stolen?Copy !req
976. I mean, if the stage doorman's umbrella
somehow got mixed up with Sir Roger's...Copy !req
977. Quite. Quite. We would know exactly where
Sir Roger went last night.Copy !req
978. If indeed he went anywhere at all.Copy !req
979. - Ah. Here you are, sir.
- Oh. Thank you.Copy !req
980. Mr. Tanner said that the maid might not have
noticed a difference when they took the stuff out.Copy !req
981. Mr. Tanner, could you identify this?Copy !req
982. Oh, yes. That's it. That's it.
Rosewood, you see.Copy !req
983. That was a gift from Lady Astor years ago.Copy !req
984. The... Yes, the engraving's
a bit faded,Copy !req
985. and, of course, they've had
the material changed time and again.Copy !req
986. No, no. You're wrong.
You have to be wrong.Copy !req
987. It is Sir Roger's.
I recognize it myself.Copy !req
988. No, that's impossible.Copy !req
989. Unless, of course, somebody...Copy !req
990. Mr. Tanner, who else has been asking you
about umbrellas?Copy !req
991. Possibly just before
I arrived at the house tonight.Copy !req
992. No one.Copy !req
993. - Are you certain?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
994. I could have sworn...Copy !req
995. On my way up the house,Copy !req
996. my taxi was almost hit
by one of those English sports cars.Copy !req
997. The same kind as Mr. Frame drives.Copy !req
998. We do have quite a number
of English cars over here.Copy !req
999. And I suppose you can find
dangerous drivers anywhere.Copy !req
1000. There's got to be an explanation.Copy !req
1001. - Somebody feel a draft?
- A draft?Copy !req
1002. I think I feel a draft.
Maybe there's a window open.Copy !req
1003. Maybe somebody got in here
through a window.Copy !req
1004. - Is this the only window?
- Oh, yes, sir. That's the only window.Copy !req
1005. - Hmm.
- So your bird has flown.Copy !req
1006. - Hmm? What?
- Your little theory, Columbo.Copy !req
1007. - Good Lord. Look at the time.
- Wait. Please.Copy !req
1008. There has to be an explanation.Copy !req
1009. Oh, come, come, come, come.
Don't be so distressed.Copy !req
1010. At least it's been amusing chasing an
American wild goose for a change, eh?Copy !req
1011. Hmm?Copy !req
1012. "Astonishing," he says.Copy !req
1013. "One would never have guessed
that this radiant ingenue of years past..."Copy !req
1014. could deliver such power
as Lady Macbeth...Copy !req
1015. "almost as though
she were born for the part."Copy !req
1016. - What's that? The Express?
- Mmm. I love him.Copy !req
1017. "And as for Mr. Nicholas Frame's
surprisingly eloquent interpretation...Copy !req
1018. of this Shakespearean tragedy,
I think it's the best..."Copy !req
1019. Here. Let's trade.Copy !req
1020. Ah. Listen to this.
"Regretfully, though,"Copy !req
1021. Mr. Nicholas Frame's still glorious voice
was in charge of the evening...Copy !req
1022. "charging in various
noble directions."Copy !req
1023. - I thought I'd hidden that one.
- Coward.Copy !req
1024. Well, one out of 10, you know.
That's not bad.Copy !req
1025. Oh, I'm lovely. I'm gorgeous.Copy !req
1026. I'm the greatest actress
since Sarah Bernhardt.Copy !req
1027. Oh, darling.
They actually liked us.Copy !req
1028. Success, Your Majesty.Copy !req
1029. Stark, raving success.Copy !req
1030. After all those years
of those miserable second leads.Copy !req
1031. Now nothing can stop us, can it?Copy !req
1032. And no one will ever be able to prove
that we were within miles of Roger...Copy !req
1033. Listen. More cables
and telegrams.Copy !req
1034. Go on. Answer it. Answer it.Copy !req
1035. Tanner.Copy !req
1036. Good morning, sir.
I hope I'm not too early.Copy !req
1037. Excuse me. Uh, I happened to notice the
Guardian just reached the newsstands.Copy !req
1038. I thought perhaps
you'd like to, uh, glance at it.Copy !req
1039. Oh. That's... That's
very thoughtful of you.Copy !req
1040. Gives us quite a rave, sir.
I'm delighted to read that, up to now,Copy !req
1041. uh, you've only received one,
shall we say, inadequate notice.Copy !req
1042. Oh, but that was...Copy !req
1043. - What's this?
- Croissants, sir.Copy !req
1044. Nick, what is it? Oh.Copy !req
1045. Oh, good morning, madam.
I brought you some croissants.Copy !req
1046. Fresh from that nice old dairy
on the corner of your street.Copy !req
1047. I thought that
after your triumph last night,Copy !req
1048. the least I could do
was to serve you breakfast in bed.Copy !req
1049. Tanner, what the devil...Copy !req
1050. I'm afraid I won't be able
to stay very long today.Copy !req
1051. When someone in my position
suffers a tragic loss, madam,Copy !req
1052. one has to think of
one's future employment.Copy !req
1053. But we already have a maid.Copy !req
1054. Hmm. Scarcely adequate
for persons of your station.Copy !req
1055. - Wouldn't you say?
- Uh, now, now. See here.Copy !req
1056. Tanner, was it you, by any chance,
who happened to notice my husband...Copy !req
1057. buying tickets to Covent Garden
the other day...Copy !req
1058. and told Sir Roger about it?Copy !req
1059. Oh, very regrettable.Copy !req
1060. But, uh, loyalty to one's master.Copy !req
1061. - Filthy snoop.
- I told you it wasn't Miss Dudley.Copy !req
1062. - Throw him out of here.
- Madam, please, please.Copy !req
1063. You know, Sir Roger was beginning to show
signs of distrust...Copy !req
1064. with regard to your amorous
interest in him.Copy !req
1065. But be rest assured, both of you,Copy !req
1066. that in your employ
my loyalty will be doubly great.Copy !req
1067. I take it that's the kitchen in there.Copy !req
1068. - Nick!
- Wait. Uh, Tanner.Copy !req
1069. - Yes.
- What else?Copy !req
1070. Let me think. Oh, yes. Uh,Copy !req
1071. it might interest you to know that
your concern about a certain umbrella...Copy !req
1072. hasn't been mentioned to a single soul.Copy !req
1073. But I do hope that
certain other umbrellas...Copy !req
1074. have been properly disposed of
in the river by now.Copy !req
1075. Tanner,Copy !req
1076. what sort of wages would you expect,
working for us?Copy !req
1077. Oh, madam. Don't let's talk about that
until after breakfast.Copy !req
1078. Holmes. Sherlock Holmes was,
I suppose, our most famous detective.Copy !req
1079. But I'm sure you noticed on your visit
to our new file section at the Yard...Copy !req
1080. why he wouldn't even
qualify these days.Copy !req
1081. No, no.
In our modern police...Copy !req
1082. Those fish-and-chips are greasy,
but they're sure good.Copy !req
1083. - What were you saying, sir?
- Uh, special section.Copy !req
1084. Well, as you've only
a couple of days here,Copy !req
1085. I expect you'd like to see
how we handle some of our larger cases.Copy !req
1086. I think I can lay that on for you. As a matter
of fact, we had a very interesting case...Copy !req
1087. That's Big Ben, isn't it?Copy !req
1088. Yes.Copy !req
1089. Boy, that's terrific. A thing that old,
and it's only a minute slow.Copy !req
1090. Really? We must put
another penny on the governor.Copy !req
1091. - Did you get petrol?
- Yes, of course I got petrol.Copy !req
1092. Now, watch it, darling.Copy !req
1093. There. Take these.Copy !req
1094. - Is there any air in these tires?
- Oh.Copy !req
1095. Tie that tightly.Copy !req
1096. Nicky, supposing you had
a flat tire.Copy !req
1097. Of course there's air.Copy !req
1098. - Listen. We've gotta hurry.
- Uh, no, I know. We do.Copy !req
1099. "This deed I'll do
before this purpose cools."Copy !req
1100. And stop acting.Copy !req
1101. Lilly.Copy !req
1102. D-D-Do we really have to do this?Copy !req
1103. Nick, we've been through
all that before.Copy !req
1104. What else can we do?Copy !req
1105. Lilly, if we get out there
too early,Copy !req
1106. the police might still be there.Copy !req
1107. But that's what the bicycle is for...Copy !req
1108. so that you can ride in the back way,
and no one will notice you.Copy !req
1109. I haven't ridden a bicycle for 10 years.Copy !req
1110. You can't start practicing now.Copy !req
1111. Besides,Copy !req
1112. Tanner says there won't be
any police there...Copy !req
1113. because they haven't started
doing an inventory yet.Copy !req
1114. They have to wait for...
for an expert from Oxford.Copy !req
1115. Ah, yes. What would we have done
without Tanner, huh?Copy !req
1116. Good old, faithful Tanner.Copy !req
1117. - "I knew him well!"
- You're off again.Copy !req
1118. Ah, yah.Copy !req
1119. Ah. There you are.Copy !req
1120. Frame. This your bicycle?Copy !req
1121. Yes. I, uh...
I had a flat up the road.Copy !req
1122. A farmer's fixing it for me,Copy !req
1123. so I borrowed this from, uh,
his kid and came in the back way.Copy !req
1124. What have we got here?Copy !req
1125. The books, sir. I'm going to post them
to our numbered box as we arranged.Copy !req
1126. - I just want to have a look. That's all.
- You know, sir... excuse me saying so...Copy !req
1127. But I am rather concerned
about removing any more books.Copy !req
1128. Oh. Oh, nonsense, Tanner.Copy !req
1129. We're all in this together now,
aren't we?Copy !req
1130. Can't very well pay you suitable
wages without the wherewithal.Copy !req
1131. I see. And, of course, it would make it
look more like a robbery, wouldn't it?Copy !req
1132. - After you, sir.
- Get in there!Copy !req
1133. Mr. Tanner.Copy !req
1134. Mr. Tanner, where are you, sir?Copy !req
1135. I've been trying to phone you
from the house.Copy !req
1136. Lieutenant.Copy !req
1137. Lieutenant.Copy !req
1138. Good news, sir.Copy !req
1139. We found something
pretty important.Copy !req
1140. You did? I knew you would,
because I just...Copy !req
1141. I couldn't believe
the stupid stuff in the newspaper.Copy !req
1142. Your suitcase, sir.
I've got it in the car.Copy !req
1143. - Just in the nick of time, eh?
- Mr. O'Keefe...Copy !req
1144. Well, we'd better be getting
to the airport pretty quick, sir.Copy !req
1145. Tell me something.Copy !req
1146. It says here the butler did it.
Chief Superintendent Durk...Copy !req
1147. Does he really believe that Mr. Tanner killed
Sir Roger, panicked and then killed himself?Copy !req
1148. Uh, there was some evidence.Copy !req
1149. I mean, the butler had quite a little
cache of Sir Roger's best books...Copy !req
1150. including the Irving...
stashed away beneath the floorboards.Copy !req
1151. Must be worth...
close to half a million...Copy !req
1152. - I know, but...
- As to what the papers guess at...Copy !req
1153. and what Durk really thinks...Copy !req
1154. He's not much to live with today.
I can tell you that, sir.Copy !req
1155. You know, I keep thinking to myself,
if I had stayed out of his hair,Copy !req
1156. if maybe I hadn't come up with
my theory and butted in...Copy !req
1157. Oh, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
1158. No blame, sir. No. Well, he told you
so himself when he said good-bye.Copy !req
1159. - It's not your fault there are no clues.
- And all we needed was one little one.Copy !req
1160. Like where Sir Roger was that one night.Copy !req
1161. Well, as I always say to the missus, sir,
a policeman's lot is not an happy one.Copy !req
1162. Yeah.Copy !req
1163. You know, I bet I've read
this thing a hundred...Copy !req
1164. Didn't read that part.Copy !req
1165. That exhibit at the London Wax Museum is
opening this afternoon. Would you take me?Copy !req
1166. Now, we gotta call Mr. Durk,
ask him to meet us there.Copy !req
1167. Oh, and I want to buy
something... an umbrella.Copy !req
1168. All those sweet people.
They're just lovely people.Copy !req
1169. Uh, my name is Jones,
Miss Stanhope and Mr. Frame.Copy !req
1170. - Uh, perhaps you remember me.
- Of course. Of course.Copy !req
1171. We got your message, hurried over
as quickly as we could.Copy !req
1172. Aren't you a little late with the opening?
They'll break down the door.Copy !req
1173. Yes. A bit, but...Copy !req
1174. Oh, look!
Drapes and everything.Copy !req
1175. Oh, what's the idea, Jones?
You going to have a regular unveiling?Copy !req
1176. Oh, yes, sir.
In a manner of speaking.Copy !req
1177. I thought it might be something like that,
so on the way over I made some notes.Copy !req
1178. - I'll be glad to say a few words.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you very much, sir.Copy !req
1179. Uh, excuse me.Copy !req
1180. - They here yet, Jones?
- Yes, sir. They just arrived.Copy !req
1181. That's Mr. Durk's car, sir.
He's beaten us to it.Copy !req
1182. Good luck, Lieutenant.Copy !req
1183. Where the devil is...Copy !req
1184. Columbo?Copy !req
1185. Boy, a lot of people here.Copy !req
1186. Why, Mr. Durk.Copy !req
1187. - Miss Stanhope, Mr. Frame.
- Oh, and, Lieutenant.Copy !req
1188. You're beginning to look
exactly like a Londoner.Copy !req
1189. Oh, you mean this.
No, no, ma'am. I just bought this.Copy !req
1190. You see, ever since I've been in London,
I've been thinkin' and thinkin',Copy !req
1191. what would be the best souvenir
to bring back to Los Angeles?Copy !req
1192. - I thought you'd be on your way home by now.
- Right. But I sort of missed the plane.Copy !req
1193. Anyway, it suddenly
struck me... an umbrella.Copy !req
1194. Mr. Jones, did someone
ask you to invite us here?Copy !req
1195. What are those curtains doing there?Copy !req
1196. I thought we were
going to get to see an exhibit.Copy !req
1197. - Jones.
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
1198. Yes. I'm dying to see it.Copy !req
1199. After all that silly business
we had modeling for it.Copy !req
1200. There you are, sir.Copy !req
1201. Quite remarkable.Copy !req
1202. - Yes, it is.
- Do I really look like that?Copy !req
1203. Marvelous. Let me tell you.
I don't want to repeat myself,Copy !req
1204. but the other night when I saw
that performance that you two...Copy !req
1205. Durk, will you please explain
what we're doing here?Copy !req
1206. Why don't you ask the tour guide?Copy !req
1207. What about the other one?
Isn't Mr. Haversham ready?Copy !req
1208. Oh, yes. Yes.Copy !req
1209. I'm sure you want to see this too.
It's part of the exhibit.Copy !req
1210. Look at that.
Boy, isn't that something.Copy !req
1211. Of course, I didn't know him
the way you folks did.Copy !req
1212. I guess you were
closer to him than anybody.Copy !req
1213. Poor Roger.Copy !req
1214. Kind of shakes ya, doesn't it?Copy !req
1215. Do you know, they have stuff
in the chamber of horrors here...Copy !req
1216. that actually makes my skin crawl?Copy !req
1217. I think it's disgusting...
putting him on display.Copy !req
1218. Oh, listen.
I know how you must feel.Copy !req
1219. And I sympathize with ya.Copy !req
1220. But somebody's been murdered.
And you know what they tell me?Copy !req
1221. They tell me folks around here
kind of enjoy that sort of thing.Copy !req
1222. You want to bet they hang up a figure
of Mr. Tanner too?Copy !req
1223. Most people, Columbo,
have frightful taste.Copy !req
1224. Yourself included.Copy !req
1225. Now you'll have to excuse us.
Come along, Lilly.Copy !req
1226. Not just yet, sir.Copy !req
1227. If you think we're going to play some
sort of charade with this ridiculous...Copy !req
1228. Gee, Mr. Frame,
I'm always getting you angry.Copy !req
1229. I'm sorry about that.
It must be my accent or something.Copy !req
1230. But I wanted you here because I wanted you
to help me prove something.Copy !req
1231. Um, I think I'll get rid of this.Copy !req
1232. I don't think Mr. Tanner killed
anybody like the newspapers are saying.Copy !req
1233. I think it was you.Copy !req
1234. Oh, Lieutenant. Just when
I was beginning to like you.Copy !req
1235. This is going to sound silly,
but Sir Roger...Copy !req
1236. He was killed someplace else,
and his body was moved later on.Copy !req
1237. And if I can only prove
where it was that he drove that night...Copy !req
1238. prove who it was
that he went to see...Copy !req
1239. then everything
will start falling into place.Copy !req
1240. Well, he did not come to see us.
Now, how many times...Copy !req
1241. No, sir. Not to your
dressing room in the theater.Copy !req
1242. It was to yours.Copy !req
1243. That's where the umbrellas come in.Copy !req
1244. I guess umbrellas are the kind of thing
that I can understand.Copy !req
1245. You know, I've been watching people...Copy !req
1246. to see what they do with umbrellas
when they come in out of the rain.Copy !req
1247. They close the umbrella,Copy !req
1248. they give it a shake like this,Copy !req
1249. and they find someplace
to lean it against.Copy !req
1250. But...Copy !req
1251. they never fasten this strap
because then it won't dry properly.Copy !req
1252. - Fascinating.
- There's only one problem with that.Copy !req
1253. Sometimes things drop in.Copy !req
1254. Almost anything can drop in.Copy !req
1255. So I got to thinking...Copy !req
1256. if maybe that's what Sir Roger did
with his umbrella,Copy !req
1257. and something dropped
into it... that night,Copy !req
1258. well, then maybe, uh...Copy !req
1259. I got these things here somewhere.Copy !req
1260. Just give me a moment, would ya?Copy !req
1261. Oh. Forgive me.Copy !req
1262. Amazing likeness, isn't it?Copy !req
1263. Where was I? Oh, yes.Copy !req
1264. Ma'am, the other night,
I stepped on a pearl in your dressing room.Copy !req
1265. I have some more just like it. I got it from
your costumer. She says she makes them.Copy !req
1266. Oh, yes.Copy !req
1267. Well, maybe, if the necklace was broken
in a fight like you said...Copy !req
1268. But... But that... that was Nicky and I.Copy !req
1269. Uh, Jones, bring us
that umbrella, would you?Copy !req
1270. Oh, yes.Copy !req
1271. Yes, sir.Copy !req
1272. Well, there's a chance...Copy !req
1273. a pretty good chance
that if the fight was with Sir Roger...Copy !req
1274. No. No, it wasn't.Copy !req
1275. Well, there's no point speculating.Copy !req
1276. Mr. Jones. Could we move back
just a little, give the gentleman room.Copy !req
1277. Mr. Jones, would you open
the umbrella, sir?Copy !req
1278. Why, it's the same.
Exactly the same.Copy !req
1279. Well, ma'am?Copy !req
1280. Sir?Copy !req
1281. "Sir."Copy !req
1282. "Sir."Copy !req
1283. "Tomorrow."Copy !req
1284. "Tomorrow... and tomorrow..."Copy !req
1285. Nicky, stop it.Copy !req
1286. He put it there. Can't you see?
Before we came.Copy !req
1287. He put it there!Copy !req
1288. Uh, Jones, has anybody but you
touched that umbrella?Copy !req
1289. No, sir. I'll testify to that.Copy !req
1290. He must have done it
when we weren't looking.Copy !req
1291. Oh, Nicky, please!Copy !req
1292. He... He was mad. Don't you see?Copy !req
1293. - Yes, ma'am.
- He... He didn't know what he was doing.Copy !req
1294. - I know he didn't, ma'am.
- And Sir Roger... That was my fault.Copy !req
1295. - I understand.
- It was an accident. I... I swear it!Copy !req
1296. Oh, Mr. Durk...Copy !req
1297. Don't be too hard on Nicky.Copy !req
1298. You must try to understand.Copy !req
1299. Yes, well, uh, I think we can
settle all this at the Yard.Copy !req
1300. - Smythe, will, uh, you take over, eh?
- Very good, sir.Copy !req
1301. "And fury."Copy !req
1302. "Tomorrow... and tomorrow..."Copy !req
1303. Thank you, Mr. Jones.Copy !req
1304. And now I believe you can replace
the umbrella and open your doors.Copy !req
1305. Anything for the Yard, Mr. Durk.Copy !req
1306. It's been very, um, interesting.Copy !req
1307. - Ah. Bit of luck, eh?
- Hmm?Copy !req
1308. How did you know
that bead was in there?Copy !req
1309. Oh. Just the odds.Copy !req
1310. The odds were very poor,
and you know it.Copy !req
1311. Come now. You can do better than that.
Off the record, eh?Copy !req
1312. Well, Mr. Durk, when you were maybe in
the third or fourth grade,Copy !req
1313. and there was a pretty redheaded girl
in the front row,Copy !req
1314. and you couldn't get her attention, um...Copy !req
1315. Well, go on.Copy !req
1316. Just a little trick I learned.Copy !req
1317. Excuse me. Throat.Copy !req
1318. Amazing likeness.Copy !req
1319. By Jove.Copy !req
1320. Sir?Copy !req