Clone High 1x4

Directed by Christopher Miller • Phil Lord • Ted Collyer • Harold Harris

Andy Dick as Van Gogh (voice) • Neil Flynn as Carl (voice) • Donald Faison as George Washington Carver (voice) • Andy Dick as Thomas Edison (voice) • Andy Dick as Police Officer (voice) • Neil Flynn as Julius Caesar (voice) • Andy Dick as Mr. Sheepman / Thomas Edison / Van Gogh / Police Officer (voice) • Phil Lord as Genghis Khan (voice)

After a riot breaks out at Clone High, Abe organizes a film festival to help students express themselves, while Principal Scudworth appeases the Secret Board of Shadowy Figures over dinner.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Previously,

2. on a very special Clone High...

3. Joan made a declaration.

4. Abe, I want you.

5. And Abe found a new form of recreation.

6. He's not gay or anything.

7. Abe actually likes Cleo,

8. a girl.

9. That was just a hilarious plot twist.

10. Hey, you miss an episode, it's your funeral.

11. I'm talking to you, Doug.

12. Wow.

13. I've never seen so few fans at a cross-country meet.

14. Lope, Abe Lincoln, lope.

15. Man, it's hot.

16. I think I'll pour this sports drink all over myself.

17. Ooh, it's sticky.

18. Dinger!

19. I won.

20. And I didn't even scuff my loafers.

21. Oh, my God.

22. We just won a cross-country dual meet.

23. Let's destroy property to show how much we appreciate the team!

24. Riot! Riot!

25. Do it with a stop sign.

26. - Yeah, books! - Riot! Riot!

27. Ready, okay.

28. Riot!

29. Riot! Riot!

30. Yeah, books!

31. Riot! Riot!

32. Riot!

33. Flip the pool!

34. Thank you!

35. Those loveable scamps.

36. They're rioting at a college level.

37. Riot!

38. Now, let's talk about

39. yesterday's horrifying shenanigans,

40. and feel free to say anything, 'cause today,

41. I'm gonna be your "care-iff," you see.

42. Okay. Moving on.

43. I know teenagers have an awful lot

44. of confusing feelings, but today it is unlawful

45. to bottle 'em up.

46. You got to let 'em out!

47. Like I do, every night between 10:00 and 10:15

48. on a pillow shaped like my father.

49. So let's brainstorm

50. some constructive ways we can express ourselves.

51. Uh, Joan of Arc makes movies.

52. Uh, I make films, 'kay?

53. On video.

54. Experimental video art

55. technically not intended for audiences.

56. Okay, wonderful.

57. Making films is a...

58. is a—is a relatively inexpensive way

59. to express oneself, I guess.

60. I'd like to help.

61. I was on that cross-country team.

62. For this reason, I hereby volunteer

63. to organize the first annual

64. Take Back the Afternoon film festival

65. to save Clone High!

66. Fantastic.

67. Now we'll never have another riot.

68. Listen, we've all done things

69. we're not proud of after a good cross-country meet.

70. But that riot was unacceptable.

71. Unacceptable?

72. Did you see the pool?

73. They flipped the bitch.

74. Principal Scudworth, if you were running this school properly,

75. there would be no riots,

76. only clone soldiers trained

77. for superior intellectual and physical combat.

78. Little do they know

79. I have my own plans for these clones,

80. plans that don't involve these Shadowy Figures at all.

81. You're talking in a normal indoor speaking voice.

82. So I am.

83. Little do they know

84. I have my own plans for these—

85. Scudworth.

86. You're walking on thin ice, man,

87. clone of Karen Carpenter thin.

88. I think this is an issue we should talk about...

89. in person.

90. Maybe we could have dinner.

91. Perhaps the Olive Garden.

92. It's like eating in the private kitchen

93. of a delightful Italian stereotype.

94. We were thinking somewhere more intimate.

95. Your house. Next Friday.

96. No dairy.

97. Please.

98. Damn it!

99. I haven't been

100. to the Olive Garden in, like, forever!

101. Mr. Butlertron, my bosses are coming over for dinner

102. and look at this place.

103. I haven't changed a thing since I got my degree

104. in the mad sciences from ASU!

105. Maybe some overpriced knickknacks

106. will add a touch of class.

107. They've got a great selection

108. down at Restoration Pottery Pier and Barrel.

109. Are you thinking what I'm programmed to be thinking?

110. Shopping spree!

111. Shaka braddah!

112. George Washington Carver!

113. Damn it, Gandhi.

114. You know how I hate to be interrupted

115. while I'm in my peanut lab.

116. Okay, check this out.

117. I have this ass-kicking idea for the film fest.

118. It's about these two cops, and they're different,

119. but in many ways, they're the same.

120. It's starring me, and check this out.

121. - It's starring you. - No.

122. See, it's two different cops from two different precincts

123. learning to fight crime together as buddies.

124. Please go away.

125. Check this out.

126. You play Leon Black,

127. and I'm Tandoori Jones.

128. And you won't believe what it's called.

129. - Black and Tan? - Black and Tan!

130. High five! Racial pride!

131. I don't like those movies, Mahatma.

132. They're filled with bad dialogue

133. and trite plot twists,

134. and they perpetuate racial stereotypes.

135. Nah, dog.

136. See, this is about dissing racial stereotypes.

137. You know the old one about how Indians and Blacks

138. don't get along?

139. No.

140. Well, Black and Tan will prove

141. that even though we're different,

142. we're ultimately a hilarious combo.

143. Good day, Gandhi.

144. Good day.

145. There's a part for the peanut.

146. We're listening.

147. Next.

148. Thank God I got the key

149. to this editing room.

150. Oh, yeah.

151. Casting couch.

152. Wow.

153. Clip art.

154. You know, I'm glad we get to spend some time alone.

155. Hi, Abe.

156. My film is really coming along.

157. I'm doing an autobiography called

158. The Best of the Best of the Best

159. of the Best of the Best.

160. The whole premise is how tough it is to be me.

161. Popular, smart,

162. well-traveled,

163. and incredibly well-endowed

164. boob-wise.

165. Hey, is there a time limit on the films?

166. Would you tell a sunset

167. that it couldn't last forever?

168. Sunsets last six minutes.

169. Does a sunset have a soundtrack

170. featuring Smash Mouth?

171. See ya.

172. And, Abe,

173. I'll see you...

174. at the movies.

175. Wow.

176. Joan!

177. Joan, thank God you're okay.

178. I've been looking all over the restaurant for you.

179. Abe, we put out an APB on your missing friend.

180. It's okay, officer. I found her.

181. What are you doing here?

182. It's not safe.

183. This table's not even bussed.

184. I don't know how to say this.

185. You don't have to.

186. You think the film fest is too commercial.

187. - I do? - Yes.

188. Film at Clone High used to be just you and Andy Warhol

189. and your disturbing art films.

190. But now Cleo's got her epic, Gandhi's doing his cop movie,

191. and Mother Teresa's got that teen slasher sex romp.

192. But it's not about them.

193. This festival's all about you,

194. Joan.

195. Me?

196. Abe?

197. You and me and what you have

198. here...

199. Heart-wise.

200. Like my film.

201. It's everything I've been wadding up

202. in the sad chamber of my heart.

203. And now I'm shooting that wad.

204. In 35 millimeter.

205. Joan, isn't there just one thing

206. in that beautiful and honest heart of yours

207. that you need to express?

208. Yes, Abe.

209. I love—

210. Shh.

211. - Don't tell me. - Mm?

212. - Show me... - Mm.

213. In your film.

214. Well, I'll see you guys.