Clone High 1x1

Directed by Christopher Miller • Ted Collyer • Harold Harris

Michael J. Fox as Gandhi's Kidney • Andy Dick as Van Gogh (voice) • Neil Flynn as Carl (voice) • Donald Faison as George Washington Carver (voice) • Marilyn Manson as Himself • Michael J. Fox as Gandhi's Remaining Kidney (voice) • Andy Dick as Mr. Sheepman / Van Gogh / Police Officer (voice) • Donald Faison as George Washington Carver / Wally (voice) • Phil Lord as Genghis Khan (voice)

Vying for alone time with Cleopatra, Abe scores an invite to JFK's party with the promise of beer, Joan fumbles over her feelings for Abe, and Gandhi botches his crisis hotline duties.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Tonight, on a very special Clone High.

2. Gandhi, this year's going to be different.

3. I'm taller, I've got slightly bigger sideburns.

4. I spent all summer on my high fives and my finger snaps.

5. I will finally have the acceptance I so crave.

6. Joan of Arc! Up top!

7. Don't touch me, Gandhi.

8. Too slow.

9. Welcome back, Joan.

10. You got breasts.

11. Geez, Abe, you grew like, a foot.

12. You grew like, a pair of breasts.

13. Luckily the extra height doesn't feel that awkward.

14. I'm up.

15. I wish I'd seen you more over the summer

16. but I was at camp.

17. Was it breast camp?

18. Okay, you get one more.

19. Well, brand new year, same old faces.

20. Hiya, Kennedy.

21. I invaded her Bay of Pigs,

22. if you catch my meaning.

23. Oh, yeah, steamed vegetables.

24. What'd Mama make for you?

25. Nine fried peanut butter banana sandwiches

26. and a thermos full of tranquilizers,

27. thank you very much.

28. I have left the building.

29. Man, one of the Elvis twins

30. really let himself go.

31. Hasn't anyone here grown at all?

32. You were thinking it.

33. I know.

34. You know, Abe, I've been thinking.

35. I'm going to date a lot more this year.

36. Uh, huh, yeah, I wanna date Cleopatra.

37. She's attractive, smart, athletic, good-looking.

38. She's hot, photogenic;

39. she takes pride in her appearance.

40. I guess what I'm trying to say is

41. I admire her commitment to community service.

42. You don't think dating an old friend would be better?

43. You know, maybe someone that,

44. you know, you take for granted.

45. No, I like Cleo.

46. But Abe, think about it, like an old friend, you know—

47. Nope, Cleo.

48. Only Cleo.

49. Hi, Abe.

50. Are those longer sideburns?

51. No idea.

52. Abe, I think you're bleeding.

53. Not now.

54. Fine.

55. I'll go wait for you by the gauze.

56. Cleopatra.

57. Comin' at ya. Ow!

58. Do I know you?

59. Gandhi.

60. We had every class together last year?

61. I gave you one of my kidneys.

62. I miss him.

63. I was your foster brother for ten years

64. until you convinced our parents

65. I wasn't good enough for your image

66. and you had me transferred to another home.

67. - Benji? - Gandhi.

68. Oh, that's so great for you.

69. Anyway, Abe,

70. JFK's having a party Friday.

71. I hope I see you there.

72. Hey, Cleo.

73. Why, yes, these are longer sideburns.

74. The first day of school's always awkward.

75. I just want you to know I can relate.

76. You see, I'm not just your kindly history teacher.

77. I'm also the first mostly-human clone.

78. Spliced in a little sheep DNA.

79. Which is fine with me.

80. You can't even tell, Mr. Sheepman.

81. Thank you!

82. Before you leave,

83. we have an announcement from Miss of Arc.

84. I admire her commitment to community service.

85. Now, I know I don't have to tell you

86. how committed I am to community service.

87. That's why I'm starting a teen crisis hotline

88. and I'm looking for volunteers.

89. Dude, that's a three-story drop.

90. I don't care. I'm going for it.

91. Oh, my god!

92. I can see my bone!

93. Oh, young, unsuspecting clones.

94. Little do they know, I control them.

95. The greatest minds the world has ever known.

96. For what is more powerful

97. than a high school principal?

98. Dr. Scudworth.

99. Sorry to disturb you,

100. but there's growing concern

101. among the secret board of shadowy figures

102. that you may be completely insane.

103. Blasphemy!

104. Yeah, well,

105. you do have a robot butler named Mr. Butlertron.

106. Anyone for scones?

107. Why, creating a mechanical British servant

108. is no more eccentric than the tie you're wearing.

109. More tea, Wesley?

110. He calls everyone Wesley.

111. Don't know why.

112. Yeah, that's fascinating.

113. but we're paying you to monitor these clones

114. as closely as possible,

115. so if you want to keep your job

116. you can either write a report proving

117. you know what it's like to be a student at Clone High—

118. I'll do no such thing.

119. Or I'm to kill you.

120. I'll title it "What it's like to be a teen-aged clone

121. colon, a rope of sand."

122. Good title.

123. It draws the reader in without giving too much away.

124. Wesley.

125. Lincoln,

126. I've got dibs on that Cleopatra broad,

127. so back off.

128. She's numbers one and two on my list

129. of 150 women to bang this year.

130. What you doing in here, buddy?

131. Making a Lincoln log?

132. Heyo! What's up, Fitzy-baby?

133. Party at your place on Friday, right?

134. Rock it!

135. Yeah, psyched for the rager, JFK... dog.

136. I will see you there.

137. And by "will" I mean "won't."

138. 'Cause you're not invited.

139. I wasn't sure if I was clear earlier.

140. So, uh, you're not.

141. Invited, that is.

142. To my party.

143. Forgot to wash my hands.

144. I gotta get to that party.

145. Dude, we're never going to get invited

146. sitting here, surrounded by geeks.

147. They're not geeks, Gandhi.

148. They're just delightfully eccentric.

149. Hello, cohort.

150. It is I, George Washington Carver,

151. and I spent my summer

152. bioengineering this anthropomorphic peanut.

153. Hi-ho, guv'nors.

154. I'd shake your hands, but, you know,

155. peanut arms.

156. All right, they're geeks,

157. but we have better things to do

158. than worry about who or what we're seen with.

159. No, Gandhi's right.

160. This isn't about who we hang out with.

161. This is about not having to put your hand on your own buttock

162. and pretend it's a woman's breast.

163. All I'm saying is a girl is interested in me,

164. and I'm not going to ignore it.

165. Abe, I want you.

166. You want me to what?

167. I, um—

168. Forgot what you were going to say.

169. Happens to me all the time.

170. Well, I'm off.

171. What?

172. Kennedy, I have a proposition for you.

173. Mark my words, Lincoln.

174. You and your friends are, uh, not coming to that party.

175. I'll get the beer.

176. Be there at 8:00!

177. Shazam!

178. We're in!

179. Any ideas on how to get the beer?

180. Nope.