1. Aw, she looks so peaceful.Copy !req
2. Think she's dreaming that
she's not overstaying her welcome?Copy !req
3. When she got that wine delivered
to the house,Copy !req
4. I thought that was her thank-you present,
that she was leaving,Copy !req
5. - but then she just drank the wine.
- Five days ago.Copy !req
6. - Morning, everybody.
- Aah! Kinko!Copy !req
7. Another beautiful day
in the city of Brotherly Angels.Copy !req
8. Todd, I don't recall
accidentally ingesting poison,Copy !req
9. and yet here you are
trying to make me vomit.Copy !req
10. You wanna go buy me a kite
and then fly a kite?Copy !req
11. No. Kites are sky trash.Copy !req
12. Why is it so daytime right now?Copy !req
13. Wanda?Copy !req
14. Wanna go surf some cloud waves?
That's what I call wind.Copy !req
15. Sorry. Some of us have jobs.Copy !req
16. Not all of us. Just some of us.Copy !req
17. Oh, yeah, my job.Copy !req
18. - Morning.
- What?Copy !req
19. I'm done with my sabbatical
and I'm ready to get back to work.Copy !req
20. What sabbatical? I fired you.Copy !req
21. Oh, I thought
when you said, "You're fired,"Copy !req
22. that was just you
"giving me the business."Copy !req
23. No, I was taking the "business"
away from you.Copy !req
24. Oh.Copy !req
25. Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter.
You wanna go fly a kite?Copy !req
26. Put me down
for a supersized "sounds great."Copy !req
27. But with an even larger main course
of "sadly, I cannot."Copy !req
28. I am swamped here at work.
First, I gotta put my suit on.Copy !req
29. Then I gotta go to hair and makeup.Copy !req
30. Then we record the show.Copy !req
31. And then I gotta take my suit off.Copy !req
32. So, that's, like, the whole day. Sorry.Copy !req
33. Ah.Copy !req
34. "Looking for a friend?"Copy !req
35. Yes.Copy !req
36. "Need direction?"Copy !req
37. I'm listening.Copy !req
38. "Try Scientology"?Copy !req
39. - Huh.
- Excuse me? Sir?Copy !req
40. - Huh?
- Have you ever thoughtCopy !req
41. about trying improv comedy?Copy !req
42. Improv comedy? I don't know...Copy !req
43. Why not?
It's not like there's anything else to do.Copy !req
44. Here on Mars.Copy !req
45. We're on Mars?Copy !req
46. Yes. And in a Martian ice cream shop.
Care for a butterscotch swirl?Copy !req
47. Whoa!Copy !req
48. The only limit is my imagination.Copy !req
49. Why not come by our theater
and try a free class?Copy !req
50. Okay!
Can I bring this food inside the theater?Copy !req
51. Ha, good one.Copy !req
52. - But no.
- Oh.Copy !req
53. "That's when I learned
that guns can blow a vato away.Copy !req
54. But calculus?
Calculus can blow a mind away."Copy !req
55. Cut!Copy !req
56. We got it!Copy !req
57. That's the day, everybody.Copy !req
58. - You sure we got it, Abe?
- Of course. You were phenomenal.Copy !req
59. Really? Because that kid sneezed
in the middle of my monologue.Copy !req
60. - We can fix that in post.
- Abe, I'm supposed to tell youCopy !req
61. the boom mike fell into the last shot.Copy !req
62. You sure you don't wanna get another take?
Just for safety?Copy !req
63. What am I, Kubrick?
We can fix all this stuff in post.Copy !req
64. It's an easy scene.Copy !req
65. Secretariat's a nice guy,
the Spanish kids learn a lesson.Copy !req
66. Boom. Bam! Done!Copy !req
67. But Secretariat never actually taught math
in South Central.Copy !req
68. I don't know what Secretariat did
or didn't do. I wasn't there.Copy !req
69. - Yeah, but...
- Okay, so the studio wants gangbangers,Copy !req
70. we'll give them gangbangers.Copy !req
71. - We get paid either way, right?
- I guess.Copy !req
72. I can't wait to get home.
I got a coq au vin in the slow cooker.Copy !req
73. You like coq au vin?Copy !req
74. I think so. Is that the move
where a French girl pours soup in...Copy !req
75. Come over for dinner, okay?Copy !req
76. - You'll love it.
- Okay.Copy !req
77. Chin up, big guy.
So, we ain't making Casablanca.Copy !req
78. - BoJack. Shut up.
- Aah! What are you...?Copy !req
79. No one can know I'm here.Copy !req
80. - What?
- Shut your stupid mouth, you idiot.Copy !req
81. As you know, you're my favorite client.Copy !req
82. If I left Vigor,
would you follow me to a new agency?Copy !req
83. Sure, but no one's gonna hire me
after this movie comes out.Copy !req
84. The script turned into a piece of shit,
and the director is a total hack.Copy !req
85. Good guy, total hack.Copy !req
86. Let's get you something
before the movie comes out.Copy !req
87. We got an offer in for this new play
off-Broadway.Copy !req
88. Theater? That's what real actors do.Copy !req
89. Yeah, I told them that,
but they said she wanted you.Copy !req
90. - She?
- Yeah, this hot new playwright Jill Pill.Copy !req
91. - She came out of nowhere.
- Jill Pill?Copy !req
92. New York Magazine called her
the enfant terribleCopy !req
93. of the immersive theater world,Copy !req
94. and then later clarified
that that's a compliment.Copy !req
95. It sounds like the kind of thing
I should be doing now.Copy !req
96. - Something artistic and bold.
- Rehearsals start in two weeks.Copy !req
97. Are you ready to go to New York
for six months?Copy !req
98. New York's a great city to live in
for six monthsCopy !req
99. and not a second longer and only
if you're insanely wealthy. I can't wait!Copy !req
100. Now, that's a lot of apple sauce.Copy !req
101. Apple sauce!Copy !req
102. Oh-ho!Copy !req
103. That was so funny.Copy !req
104. Which one of you guys
wrote all those funny jokes?Copy !req
105. No, Todd, here at Shenanigags,
we make things up on the spot.Copy !req
106. - Let's try it. Give me a suggestion.
- Uh... I don't know.Copy !req
107. Suggestions?Copy !req
108. Your suggestion was "suggestions."Copy !req
109. - Way to break the fourth wall.
- That wasn't that funny.Copy !req
110. My name's Bryan
and you haven't won me over yet.Copy !req
111. - Oh, Bryan.
- Todd, in improv,Copy !req
112. we get suggestions from an audience
then make up scenes based on them.Copy !req
113. There are just a few simple rules.
You don't ask questions. You don't say no.Copy !req
114. No matter what. When someone makes a
suggestion, you always try to build on it.Copy !req
115. We call that "yes, and..."Copy !req
116. Yes, and if you mess up, that's okay.
It's all part of the fun.Copy !req
117. Is it really that simple?Copy !req
118. Ugh! It's incredibly complicated
and requires years of training.Copy !req
119. Oh, Bryan.Copy !req
120. But improv isn't just about a constant
clamoring for attention and validation.Copy !req
121. It's about community.Copy !req
122. I've always wanted to be part
of a community.Copy !req
123. Well, you are now.
Your first class is $200.Copy !req
124. I thought you said it was free.Copy !req
125. Oh, that was just me doing an improv.Copy !req
126. I am so proud of you.Copy !req
127. Every day I'm telling people all about
the great stuff you're doing there.Copy !req
128. - Yeah, I don't know...
- And they say, "Wow, she sounds amazing."Copy !req
129. And I say, "I'm here to confirm
she is an incredible woman."Copy !req
130. - Well...
- You know, the sound guy's wifeCopy !req
131. works with at-risk teens.Copy !req
132. And I was like, "Yeah, that's okay,
but compared to what my wife is doing,Copy !req
133. - your wife is bullshit!"
- Oh.Copy !req
134. And he had to agree with me.Copy !req
135. - Um...
- Because I am his boss.Copy !req
136. - Listen...
- Let me talk to one of the locals.Copy !req
137. I wanna hear someone else talk
about how what a selfless hero my wife is.Copy !req
138. - Oh, uh...
- Ah, now come on.Copy !req
139. - Most refugees got their tongues cut out.
- Find one with a tongue.Copy !req
140. - I don't think...
- Indulge me.Copy !req
141. Okay.Copy !req
142. Hello. I am refugee from village.Copy !req
143. Hey, what's your name, Superstar?Copy !req
144. Uh, my name is...Copy !req
145. Coffee Maker.Copy !req
146. Ah. Kofi Makir.
Am I pronouncing that right?Copy !req
147. Hey, Todd, you had some killer provs
in class today.Copy !req
148. Yes, and that zombie dentist scene
was so innovative.Copy !req
149. Eh...Copy !req
150. - Oh, Bryan.
- Guys, look.Copy !req
151. It's Copernicus.Copy !req
152. - Who's that?
- What are you, new?Copy !req
153. Yes, I am new.Copy !req
154. Copernicus is the founder of Shenanigags.Copy !req
155. That guy is the Jan-Ove Waldner
of modern improv.Copy !req
156. - Who is Jan-Ove Waldner?
- The Michael Jordan of table tennis.Copy !req
157. Oh.Copy !req
158. - Let's go talk to him.
- Are you kidding?Copy !req
159. You can't just go up and talk
to Copernicus.Copy !req
160. Man, Todd, you don't know shit.
You're just a tourist.Copy !req
161. No, I'm not.Copy !req
162. If you're one of us, prove it.
Go improv that lady over there.Copy !req
163. Freestyle.Copy !req
164. No audience, no net.Copy !req
165. - I don't know...
- Hey, if you're down with the prov,Copy !req
166. you gotta prove that prov.Copy !req
167. All right. I'll do it.Copy !req
168. - Hello, old ma'am.
- Oh, hello.Copy !req
169. I'm just waiting for my friend Doris.
Have you seen her?Copy !req
170. Yes,Copy !req
171. and she exploded?Copy !req
172. Doris exploded?Copy !req
173. - You just got prov'd!
- In your face, lady!Copy !req
174. The streets are ours!Copy !req
175. - Hurray, improv! I did it!
- You have briefly won me over.Copy !req
176. Poor Doris...Copy !req
177. That is not what I thought coq au vin was.
But it's great.Copy !req
178. Well, I'm no Emeril Lagasse,
but we do get by.Copy !req
179. - Oh, stop.
- Bam!Copy !req
180. Like Emeril? Ha, remember that?Copy !req
181. He said "bam."Copy !req
182. I don't know who Emeril is,
but he sounds delightful.Copy !req
183. Hey, should I give him a sitcom?Copy !req
184. BoJack, Abe tells me
you guys are almost done with the movie.Copy !req
185. One week left!Copy !req
186. You two lovebirds gonna do
any traveling or anything?Copy !req
187. I'll be traveling back and forth
to New York for the next few monthsCopy !req
188. because BoJack's doing a play there
after you finish.Copy !req
189. - Oh, I love plays.
- A play.Copy !req
190. That's my favorite place
to eat crinkly candies.Copy !req
191. Yeah, I can't wait to finally work
on something good, you know?Copy !req
192. Oh?Copy !req
193. Although I gotta hand it to your husband.
It has been a really painless shoot,Copy !req
194. even though the movie's gonna be
a piece of shit, right?Copy !req
195. - What?
- Oh, you said "piece of ship," right?Copy !req
196. Like shipshape?Copy !req
197. Anyway, what were we talking about?
Who knows?Copy !req
198. - Okay, moving on.
- Hey, it's fine.Copy !req
199. Abe knows what we're making.Copy !req
200. Right?Copy !req
201. - Wanda, would you help me with dessert?
- Uh, okay.Copy !req
202. Yeah.
New York is so great in the summer,Copy !req
203. but I don't think
we're going to be done in time.Copy !req
204. We're looking at a ton of reshoots.Copy !req
205. - Are you kidding?
- Well, you know,Copy !req
206. because the movie's such a piece of shit
and all.Copy !req
207. Did that hurt your feelings?Copy !req
208. I mean, you're the one who said
we're not making Casablanca.Copy !req
209. Right, because Casablanca is a movie
about a club owner named Rick.Copy !req
210. This movie's about Secretariat,
a racehorse.Copy !req
211. Wait, you literally meant we're not making
the actual movie Casablanca?Copy !req
212. That movie already exists.
Why would we make Casablanca?Copy !req
213. - This is a different movie.
- I think there was a misunderstanding.Copy !req
214. Wrong, boy-o.
There was a mister-understanding.Copy !req
215. And that mister is me
understanding you just fine.Copy !req
216. You come into my home
and you call my work shit?Copy !req
217. - You know what I think? You're shit.
- What?Copy !req
218. You think I don't get enough takes?
I'll get more takes.Copy !req
219. Just wait, see how many takes I can get.Copy !req
220. Well, don't go.
We haven't had dessert yet.Copy !req
221. Shirley's lemon meringue? Mwah.Copy !req
222. I mean, it's no banana cream pie.Copy !req
223. Because it's a different kind of pie?Copy !req
224. That's right.Copy !req
225. Why did you have to antagonize him?Copy !req
226. I wasn't trying to antagonize him.Copy !req
227. - He said, "It's no Casablanca."
- Well, what's done is done.Copy !req
228. You're happy.
You didn't want me to go to New York.Copy !req
229. Lucky me, I get to stay hereCopy !req
230. and work on this movie
that's gonna ruin my career.Copy !req
231. There's no reason to sulk about it, right?Copy !req
232. Or you could sulk about it.Copy !req
233. Diane does raise some good points.Copy !req
234. No, she doesn't.Copy !req
235. Besides, I don't think Diane's the person
you wanna be going to for life advice now.Copy !req
236. Why? Just because I've been drinking
myself to sleep on your deck chairsCopy !req
237. and lying to my husband for the last week?
Hey, there's a Cheez-It on the shelf.Copy !req
238. I knew I kept these things around
for a reason.Copy !req
239. - I just had the most amazing prov sesh.
- No one cares, Todd.Copy !req
240. Hey, you guys wanna help me practice?
Make a suggestion.Copy !req
241. - Stop.
- Aah. Sorry, officer,Copy !req
242. I didn't see that stop sign.Copy !req
243. Yes.Copy !req
244. And my car runs on farts.Copy !req
245. Ugh!Copy !req
246. - Stop. No, stop it.
- Please stop.Copy !req
247. Not a suggestion.Copy !req
248. Okay.
I just hope I impress the elder council.Copy !req
249. I want to become a Level Two,Copy !req
250. so I can finally achieve clarity
on the Mainstage with the chosen ones.Copy !req
251. Oh, shit, Todd's in a cult.Copy !req
252. What? No, improv is not a cult.Copy !req
253. It's just a dogmatic school of thoughtCopy !req
254. taught by a for-profit organizationCopy !req
255. with the promise of social
and professional opportunities.Copy !req
256. - Ahh.
- It's a cult. And I know.Copy !req
257. I learned a little about cults
during that year I was a Scientologist.Copy !req
258. Coincidentally during that year,
I read a book about cults.Copy !req
259. Wait, are you saying
Scientology is a cult?Copy !req
260. No, Scientology is not a cult.Copy !req
261. Improv is a cult.Copy !req
262. I wanna be very clear.
This is about improv.Copy !req
263. - I really don't think it's that bad, guys.
- Why does anything matter, right?Copy !req
264. Love is an illusion,
and happiness is fleeting,Copy !req
265. no such thing as God, and all your
favorite musicians beat their wives.Copy !req
266. Allegedly.Copy !req
267. Would you talk to her?Copy !req
268. Yes.Copy !req
269. Yes, and I am a Nazi Kardashian.Copy !req
270. Heyyy... Hitler.Copy !req
271. Please stop.Copy !req
272. President Lohan!
Get away from that fire hose!Copy !req
273. Fire hose!Copy !req
274. Sorry I'm late, guys!Copy !req
275. Todd, we take tardiness seriously here
at Shenanigags.Copy !req
276. - If you miss one more class, you're out.
- I'm sorry. But, wait, Bryan isn't here.Copy !req
277. - He's later than I am.
- Bryan's not gonna be at practice anymore.Copy !req
278. He's been negative, so Copernicus thought
he could benefit from some time away.Copy !req
279. He's been reassigned to the Shenanigags
comedy cruise line, the Giggleship.Copy !req
280. - Is that a reward or a punishment?
- That's up to Bryan.Copy !req
281. Let's have no more questions
about the Giggleship.Copy !req
282. Oh, uh, all right.Copy !req
283. Well, you know,
I was actually talking to my best friend,Copy !req
284. and he said improv is a cult.Copy !req
285. I mean, that's crazy, right?Copy !req
286. If you think Shenanigags is a cult,
you're free to go, Todd.Copy !req
287. Oh, no. I don't wanna go.
I love this place.Copy !req
288. My friend just doesn't know
how great you guys are.Copy !req
289. It sounds like your friend's
not yes-and'ing you.Copy !req
290. Invite him to your graduation show.Copy !req
291. If he's too negative to support you,
you should take a good hard thinkCopy !req
292. about if that's the kind of energy
you want in your life.Copy !req
293. I hate good hard thinks.Copy !req
294. I love you, too, Mr. Peanutbutter.
But I... I gotta go.Copy !req
295. I'm...
Yeah, I'm building a school for deaf kids.Copy !req
296. The kids get jealous
if I'm talking on the phone.Copy !req
297. Uh, okay, bye.Copy !req
298. So, hey, hi.Copy !req
299. How long are you thinking of staying here?
Just for my own reference.Copy !req
300. Oh, shit.
Is Wanda making you get rid of me?Copy !req
301. No one is making me do anything.Copy !req
302. Except keep acting in this movie you hate.Copy !req
303. Well, yeah.Copy !req
304. I really thought I could do it. I thought
I could go far away and help peopleCopy !req
305. and be this best possible version
of myself.Copy !req
306. And what happened?Copy !req
307. I couldn't.Copy !req
308. I wasn't the person I thought I was.Copy !req
309. I'd love to stay and wallow with you,
but I gotta head out.Copy !req
310. Today we're filming what used to be the
scene where Secretariat commits suicide,Copy !req
311. but is now a scene where he swims
in a fishing holeCopy !req
312. - with his girlfriend "Susie Side."
- Yeesh.Copy !req
313. If you wanna blow off work,
I'm probably just gonna sit on the couch,Copy !req
314. drink beer, and watch old episodes
of Horsin' Around.Copy !req
315. Hmm.Copy !req
316. And if I hear one more peep out of you...Copy !req
317. - Sabrina!
- What? I didn't peep!Copy !req
318. Oh!Copy !req
319. Sabrina was such a little bitch.Copy !req
320. She was an orphan. She had a tough life.Copy !req
321. Hey, Diane, you're still here.
And BoJack is here.Copy !req
322. Did you go to work today?Copy !req
323. I was gonna, but then I remembered
everything is garbage,Copy !req
324. so why bother doing anything?Copy !req
325. - True story.
- Okay.Copy !req
326. Oh, you didn't.Copy !req
327. Oh, you did.Copy !req
328. - Hello.
- Hey, could you get the door?Copy !req
329. - Whoa.
- Mm.Copy !req
330. The property's gonna be ready in June.
Gives us two monthsCopy !req
331. to get everything we need
out of this place.Copy !req
332. Mm. Perfect.Copy !req
333. Just so you know, I had to register
the corporation in your name.Copy !req
334. - What?
- Just until the divorce is finalized.Copy !req
335. Katie's lawyers are watching me closely
right now.Copy !req
336. They're hawks.Copy !req
337. I mean, not literally.
Well, one literally.Copy !req
338. Know what, actually, he might be a falcon.Copy !req
339. Rutabaga, this is too...Copy !req
340. This is a temporary technicality,
I promise.Copy !req
341. I'm not gonna leave you holding the bag.
Okay?Copy !req
342. Mm. Mm.Copy !req
343. Hey, your assistant wasn't out there,
so I just... Ooh.Copy !req
344. - Oh, hello.
- Look at this urn.Copy !req
345. What's going on in here?Copy !req
346. Mr. Peanutbutter, shut the door.Copy !req
347. Rutabaga and I are starting a new agency,
and we want you to come with us.Copy !req
348. Well, well, well, what delicious irony.Copy !req
349. It appears the cat is chasing the dog.Copy !req
350. Are you in or out?Copy !req
351. Are you kidding?Copy !req
352. You're the agent who got me
Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities.Copy !req
353. - Well...
- What do they know?Copy !req
354. - Right, so...
- Do they know things?Copy !req
355. - Okay...
- Let's find out.Copy !req
356. - Right...
- Big fan.Copy !req
357. I like you guys.Copy !req
358. I like your hustle
and I like your matching lipstick.Copy !req
359. - Well, um...
- I am in.Copy !req
360. Mm-hm.Copy !req
361. Go home, Goober.Copy !req
362. Yeah! Go home, Goober!Copy !req
363. Goober sucks.
Why doesn't he ever go home?Copy !req
364. Yeah, Goober's the one who should go home.Copy !req
365. - You suck, Goober!
- Hey, Goober! Get murdered!Copy !req
366. Go sit on a sharp dick, you piece of shit.Copy !req
367. - Hey, guys.
- Shut up, Todd.Copy !req
368. BoJack, listen, I... Oh!Copy !req
369. - Hey, whoa!
- Boo! Party foul!Copy !req
370. - You knocked over Bucking-can Palace.
- Come on!Copy !req
371. Uh, sorry, I'll clean that up later.Copy !req
372. Listen to this guy, "clean it up later."
Hasn't picked up his shit in years.Copy !req
373. Clean up your shit, Todd.Copy !req
374. BoJack, I wanted to invite you
to my graduation show tomorrow night.Copy !req
375. - What?
- Look, I know you thinkCopy !req
376. it's just a dumb cult,
but you're my best friendCopy !req
377. and it would really mean a lot
if you came.Copy !req
378. I'm gonna go down to the basement
to practice my space work.Copy !req
379. And here I am going downstairs.Copy !req
380. Hello?Copy !req
381. - What kind of pants are you wearing now?
- What? I don't know. The normal kind.Copy !req
382. Yeah? Mm. Are they comfy?
A comfy pair of pants?Copy !req
383. I guess. Why?Copy !req
384. Just wondering
what kind of hit you're gonna takeCopy !req
385. when the studio sues the pants off you
for breach of contract.Copy !req
386. They're suing me?
Also, are you wearing comfortable shoes?Copy !req
387. Because that was a long road to walk
to get to that punch line.Copy !req
388. - This is serious.
- We're not just doing bits?Copy !req
389. You started it with the pants thing.Copy !req
390. You need to go back to set.
You can't just not go to work.Copy !req
391. Remember, you wanted this.Copy !req
392. Are you saying you're finally ready
to settle down with yours truly?Copy !req
393. Darn tootin'.
I may be a professional racehorse,Copy !req
394. but I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
395. Cut!Copy !req
396. Perfect.
But let's get that last part again.Copy !req
397. - Anything you want me to do differently?
- No, I just think we should get it again.Copy !req
398. You know, for safety.Copy !req
399. - Action!
- I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
400. And again?Copy !req
401. I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
402. Why don't we get it like five more times?Copy !req
403. I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
404. I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
405. I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
406. I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
407. I'm tired of running in circles.Copy !req
408. Let's get it ten more times.Copy !req
409. - Ta-da!
- We did it.Copy !req
410. - What now?
- We die, have our guts ripped outCopy !req
411. through our noses,
and get enshrined inside of it. Duh.Copy !req
412. Hey, BoJack,
can I talk to you for a minute?Copy !req
413. Ooh...Copy !req
414. Alone, please?Copy !req
415. Oh...Copy !req
416. So, good news. We're gonna go on a trip.Copy !req
417. - Right now. You and me.
- What?Copy !req
418. I booked us a room for the weekend.
Pack your bags, let's go.Copy !req
419. Where? Why?Copy !req
420. Less asking, more basking.Copy !req
421. In the sun, that is. Santa Barbara.Copy !req
422. - I'm not really in the mood for...
- I think some time awayCopy !req
423. could be really good for us, as a couple.Copy !req
424. Oh.Copy !req
425. I know you've been really bummed out
about the movie,Copy !req
426. but I don't think moping around the house
with Diane all day is healthy.Copy !req
427. All I've ever wanted
was to be in this movie,Copy !req
428. and you just want me
to put on a happy face...Copy !req
429. Yes. There are lots of people
who don't like their jobs.Copy !req
430. Doesn't mean
they have to bring it home with...Copy !req
431. - Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
- What is that supposed to mean?Copy !req
432. Well, come on.
You're a network executive.Copy !req
433. You don't give a shit about work.Copy !req
434. I actually have a lot of pride
in what I do.Copy !req
435. What? You have a lot of pride?Copy !req
436. Your job is to pump out garbage every yearCopy !req
437. hoping some of the garbage
stinks less than the restCopy !req
438. so you can quietly renew that garbage
and keep failing sidewaysCopy !req
439. until you retire
to a three-point-five bedroom garbageCopy !req
440. in Beverly Garbage
and spend the rest of your lifeCopy !req
441. - watching your former assistant's garbage.
- I don't know where this is coming from.Copy !req
442. Every good thing
that ever happened to you happenedCopy !req
443. because of network executives like me.Copy !req
444. That show you spend all day watching,
your house, your career...Copy !req
445. Great house, great career, great life!
Must be why I'm so happy all the time!Copy !req
446. - You don't know...
- I don't?Copy !req
447. My life was ruined
by a network executive like you.Copy !req
448. Well, I'm sorry
that things have been so hard for you,Copy !req
449. but that doesn't give you the right to be
shitty to me. I can't be around someoneCopy !req
450. who's just fueled
by bitterness and negativity.Copy !req
451. Well then, what are you doing here?Copy !req
452. What happened, BoJack?Copy !req
453. Same thing that always happens.Copy !req
454. You didn't know me.
Then you fell in love with me.Copy !req
455. And now you know me.Copy !req
456. You know, it's funny. When you look
at someone through rose-colored glasses,Copy !req
457. all the red flags just look like flags.Copy !req
458. - So, Wanda's moving out.
- Oh, shit. Because of me?Copy !req
459. No. Because of me.Copy !req
460. I'm sorry. You wanna watch another episode
of Horsin' Around?Copy !req
461. Where Olivia does the school project
where she pretends an egg is a baby.Copy !req
462. Spoiler alert:
Ethan needs to make an omelet.Copy !req
463. Why won't you go home?Copy !req
464. I should. I know I should.Copy !req
465. I wish I could just go home right now
and crawl into bedCopy !req
466. and not have to talk about anything
or explain anything.Copy !req
467. He would just say, "How was your day?"
And then he would say,Copy !req
468. "Hey, did you know the monorail
was invented by George Monorail?"Copy !req
469. And I would say,
"I don't think that's true."Copy !req
470. And he would say, "Well, if he didn't
invent it, he certainly perfected it."Copy !req
471. And I wouldn't have to say,
"I'm sorry I left.Copy !req
472. I'm sorry I made things so difficult.Copy !req
473. I'm sorry I'm not the person
I thought I was."Copy !req
474. I would just say, "My day was good."Copy !req
475. And he would say, "I love you."Copy !req
476. The longer you keep lying to him,
the harder it's gonna get.Copy !req
477. Can I ask you something?Copy !req
478. That play in New York,
would that really have made you happy?Copy !req
479. Yeah. I mean, for a little bit.Copy !req
480. And if Kelsey didn't get fired,Copy !req
481. and you got to make the movie
you wanted to make,Copy !req
482. would that have made you happy?Copy !req
483. For a little bit.Copy !req
484. But then...Copy !req
485. Probably...Copy !req
486. So, what does it matter?Copy !req
487. But there has to be more.Copy !req
488. Well, when's the last time
you were actually happy?Copy !req
489. You microchipped my penis? Check, please!Copy !req
490. Microchip.Copy !req
491. Ah.Copy !req
492. Oh.Copy !req
493. Todd!Copy !req
494. Yeah.Copy !req
495. Oh.Copy !req
496. Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
497. Hey. How are you?Copy !req
498. I can't do this anymore.Copy !req
499. You can't do what anymore?Copy !req
500. I can't talk to you on the phone
all the time.Copy !req
501. It's too hard.Copy !req
502. Uh, have you tried Bluetooth?Copy !req
503. I think maybe we should stop
calling each other, for a little bit.Copy !req
504. I'm sorry. I just miss you too much.Copy !req
505. But listen, I love you. Okay?Copy !req
506. Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
507. Uh, yeah. Uh, okay.Copy !req
508. I love you, Diane.Copy !req
509. - Where is he?
- I don't know, sir.Copy !req
510. Can't do this to me. Where the hell is he?Copy !req
511. Boxer versus raptor.
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.Copy !req