1. - Howard.
- Morning.Copy !req
2. - Delivery for McGill.
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
3. It's been a while.
I thought I should check on you.Copy !req
4. Did I hear music?Copy !req
5. Hm? No, no, I was just—
Let me get that for you. Yup.Copy !req
6. - Good to see you, Howard.
- Oh, likewise.Copy !req
7. You are sorely missed, my friend.Copy !req
8. Don't take that as any undue pressure.Copy !req
9. Um... I'm thinking of maybe coming in
for an hour or two next week.Copy !req
10. - Maybe kind of play it by ear.
- Well, if you feel comfortable.Copy !req
11. I mean, we certainly would love to have
you. We will take anything we can get.Copy !req
12. I'll figure out a day...Copy !req
13. and get Ernesto
to give you a heads up.Copy !req
14. That sounds great.Copy !req
15. - How's Ernie working out?
- He's been fine, for the most part.Copy !req
16. - Excellent.
- Everything on track with Sandpiper?Copy !req
17. Moving along.Copy !req
18. Davis & Main
are really pulling their weight.Copy !req
19. Well, they better. It's a complex case.Copy !req
20. - Well, it's definitely not a two-man job.
- No.Copy !req
21. Anyone heard from Jimmy?Copy !req
22. I have, yes. I've talked to him.Copy !req
23. How is he?Copy !req
24. He's fine. Doing well.Copy !req
25. Speaking of which, I have some news.Copy !req
26. He's working at Davis & Main.Copy !req
27. Doing what?Copy !req
28. Working as an attorney.Copy !req
29. - Clifford Main hired Jimmy?
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
30. To be fair, he had his doubts,
but he's giving Jimmy a chance.Copy !req
31. He had his own people
doing client outreach...Copy !req
32. but every time they'd talk to
a Sandpiper resident...Copy !req
33. Jimmy's name would come up. Yeah.Copy !req
34. - Those old folks just—
- They love him.Copy !req
35. Yeah, they do.Copy !req
36. Plus, I guess,
Cliff thought it would be a good idea...Copy !req
37. for the case to have that sort of...Copy !req
38. you know, continuity.Copy !req
39. - Jimmy certainly has a way with people.
- He does.Copy !req
40. They're aware of his background
at Davis & Main? His education?Copy !req
41. In the spirit of full disclosure,
Cliff did talk to me beforehand.Copy !req
42. I didn't pull any punches.
I tried to paint a complete picture.Copy !req
43. But I didn't stand in the way.Copy !req
44. Of course not. Nor should you.Copy !req
45. Truth be told...Copy !req
46. Kim Wexler pushed for this.Copy !req
47. Hard.Copy !req
48. But I didn't, you know, stand in the way.Copy !req
49. Partner track?Copy !req
50. I would, uh...Copy !req
51. Yeah, assume so.Copy !req
52. That's great.Copy !req
53. - Good for Jimmy.
- Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
54. - Charlie Hustle, right?
- Yup.Copy !req
55. Yup.Copy !req
56. Well, I'll get out of your hair.Copy !req
57. - Anything else to add to Ernie's list?
- No, all set. All good.Copy !req
58. - Thanks for coming by, Howard.
- Any time.Copy !req
59. - You truly are missed. No pressure.
- Mm.Copy !req
60. Document review...Copy !req
61. will be coordinated through HHM.
To date, the following documents...Copy !req
62. have been requested from Sandpiper
as part of our initial discovery petition.Copy !req
63. One, resident lease agreements...Copy !req
64. past and present,
from all Sandpiper locations.Copy !req
65. Two, invoices
and transaction documents...Copy !req
66. from all supply companies
used by Sandpiper.Copy !req
67. Three, list of all past and present
official Sandpiper vendors.Copy !req
68. Four, any and all business agreements
and contracts...Copy !req
69. between Sandpiper and its distributors.Copy !req
70. Five, records of residents'
social security cheque receipts.Copy !req
71. Six, allowance transaction statements.Copy !req
72. Seven, resident invoices
nonrelated to...Copy !req
73. I'm loving the new look.Copy !req
74. How's Santa Fe?Copy !req
75. It's, uh...Copy !req
76. It's really...Copy !req
77. See? What'd I tell you?Copy !req
78. A nice place?Copy !req
79. The finest in temporary
corporate housing.Copy !req
80. I can't wait to see it.Copy !req
81. Maybe I should leave HHM
and get on that cushy D & M train.Copy !req
82. It is very cushy.Copy !req
83. It's amazing.Copy !req
84. Jimmy, I'm so happy for you.Copy !req
85. Thanks. You know,
things are really turning around.Copy !req
86. I'm even thinking of looking,
you know, for my own place to buy.Copy !req
87. - In Santa Fe?
- I'm not sure yet.Copy !req
88. Maybe someplace
closer to Albuquerque...Copy !req
89. since I'm going
between the two so much.Copy !req
90. - Okay. So halfway points.
- Yeah, I was thinking—Copy !req
91. - Oh, wait, what about Corrales?
- Corrales, yeah.Copy !req
92. Get a nice little bungalow,
or maybe not so little.Copy !req
93. Big open floor plan.Copy !req
94. I don't want any walls
disrupting my chi, yeah.Copy !req
95. But I'm thinking I definitely want
some decent acreage.Copy !req
96. - Get in touch with nature.
- Horses.Copy !req
97. Come on, you could get horses.
Man, that would be so amazing.Copy !req
98. Too expensive. They— All the oats, right?
It's oats that they're always eating.Copy !req
99. - It's worth it.
- And the horseshoes.Copy !req
100. You have to get them shoes
and nail them with a hammer.Copy !req
101. It's totally worth it.
Long ride through the country...Copy !req
102. and then a glass of wine
on the back patio at sunset.Copy !req
103. Oh. We should get one of those smokers.
We could just barbecue for days.Copy !req
104. Yeah, we definitely gotta get a smoker.Copy !req
105. All right, well, I gotta go to the salon.Copy !req
106. They're delivering my new company car.Copy !req
107. - Ugh. Are you serious?
- What?Copy !req
108. "Jeez, where's my solid gold blimp?Copy !req
109. - No, not that one, the other one."
- Jealous.Copy !req
110. Totally.Copy !req
111. I forgot, I got you a present.
One sec.Copy !req
112. Oh. That's a beautiful wrapping job.
It's a shame to open it.Copy !req
113. It's a gift, be grateful.Copy !req
114. Just keeping it real.Copy !req
115. Come on,
second is still very, very good.Copy !req
116. All right.Copy !req
117. Thanks. See you tonight?Copy !req
118. Maybe, if you play your cards right.Copy !req
119. Hello, beautiful.Copy !req
120. What do you think, ladies?Copy !req
121. Yeah, I know, right?
It's got all leather interior...Copy !req
122. heated seats
for those cold desert mornings.Copy !req
123. This must be what heaven looks like.Copy !req
124. Hey. Goodbye hug?Copy !req
125. No? All right.Copy !req
126. We'll forgo the tears and just say
"till we meet again."Copy !req
127. Must be metric.Copy !req
128. Hey.Copy !req
129. What— What are you doing here?Copy !req
130. I work here.Copy !req
131. Oh, small world.Copy !req
132. So is this the parking lot
for the police station?Copy !req
133. - It is.
- You don't know if they validate, do you?Copy !req
134. Why don't you pull around over there?Copy !req
135. And we'll have a little talk.Copy !req
136. Uh, Okay.Copy !req
137. Why are you here?Copy !req
138. I have business with the police.Copy !req
139. And what business might that be?Copy !req
140. Well, if you must know, I was robbed.Copy !req
141. Somebody broke into my house
and stole my property.Copy !req
142. Your drugs?Copy !req
143. Yeah, but obviously
I didn't tell the cops that.Copy !req
144. I'm not stupid.Copy !req
145. You've already spoken to them?Copy !req
146. Well, a couple of them
came by my house.Copy !req
147. But it's not the drugs that I care about.
I mean, I care.Copy !req
148. It's my baseball cards I need back.Copy !req
149. Your baseball cards?Copy !req
150. Yes. I have a very valuable
collection of baseball cards...Copy !req
151. and someone stole them.Copy !req
152. I guess I shouldn't be surprised
I have to tell you this...Copy !req
153. but it's probably a bad idea
that you willingly talked to the police...Copy !req
154. being a criminal and all.Copy !req
155. I'm not here as a criminal.
I'm here as a crime victim.Copy !req
156. Just because I occasionally
sell some pharmaceuticals...Copy !req
157. I no longer have a right
to protection from crime?Copy !req
158. And I was very careful
when I talked to them.Copy !req
159. I mean, they have no idea
about my other business.Copy !req
160. If you already made your report,
why are you here?Copy !req
161. Well, they called me.
They have a few more questions.Copy !req
162. They are very dedicated
to finding this thief.Copy !req
163. Since you're new to this,
let me explain it to you.Copy !req
164. They've invited you on a fishing trip.Copy !req
165. What's that, a fishing trip?Copy !req
166. Those cops have no interest
in helping you get your cards back.Copy !req
167. You're obviously under suspicion.Copy !req
168. There was nothing there
for them to see.Copy !req
169. I refer you
to our previous conversation...Copy !req
170. and this blinking neon sign
of a vehicle that says drug dealer.Copy !req
171. They suspect you.
They will get you in there...Copy !req
172. pretend to be your friend,
lull you into a false sense of security...Copy !req
173. and then they will sweat you.Copy !req
174. And you will break.Copy !req
175. I don't...Copy !req
176. - I disagree.
- Not open for debate. You go home now.Copy !req
177. - But I have an appointment.
- Break it.Copy !req
178. And if they call you,
do not answer the phone.Copy !req
179. But what about my baseball cards?Copy !req
180. - Cost of doing business.
- No!Copy !req
181. No, no, no! I am getting those back.
I will take the risk.Copy !req
182. No, you won't.Copy !req
183. Because then you'll be
putting my well-being at risk.Copy !req
184. I have to.Copy !req
185. I— I—Copy !req
186. Those cards...Copy !req
187. some of them were my dad's.Copy !req
188. I am getting them back.Copy !req
189. I'm getting them back.Copy !req
190. I'll find your cards.Copy !req
191. Is— Is that something you do?Copy !req
192. Wow, that's— That is so generous of you.Copy !req
193. Oh, it'll cost you.Copy !req
194. Oh.Copy !req
195. Okay, we should discuss...Copy !req
196. some sort of financial arrangement,
in which I— I—Copy !req
197. Uh...Copy !req
198. Okay, then. Jesus.Copy !req
199. Davis & Main, this is Maida.Copy !req
200. - Come on in.
- I didn't mean to interrupt.Copy !req
201. Not at all,
I was just blowing off some steam.Copy !req
202. - You sound good.
- Thank you. Clears the head. You play?Copy !req
203. Oh, I tried to learn in high school...Copy !req
204. but then I decided
there were easier ways to get girls.Copy !req
205. I hope you've got a way to decompress.
Everybody needs something.Copy !req
206. - How are you settling in?
- Great.Copy !req
207. It's— It's quite a step up for me.Copy !req
208. Well, we're happy to have you.Copy !req
209. Just let us know if there's anything else
you need, Jimmy.Copy !req
210. - Thanks, Cliff, I'm happy to be here.
- Great.Copy !req
211. - Better get back to it.
- Yeah, me too, I suppose.Copy !req
212. Um...Copy !req
213. Actually, I might have found something...Copy !req
214. - ... in the initial disclosures.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
215. Schweikart and Cokely keep referring
to the optional allowance programme.Copy !req
216. I checked a number
of residents' contracts.Copy !req
217. Not a single one has opted out...Copy !req
218. which makes me think it's more
of a mandatory financial arrangement.Copy !req
219. You think that's a failure to state a claim
that they filed in their answer?Copy !req
220. They keep saying it's optional,
thereby voluntary. We can counter that...Copy !req
221. if opting in
is a requirement for residency...Copy !req
222. which it sure seems to be, well,
their voluntary claims don't hold water.Copy !req
223. Might be onto something here.Copy !req
224. Nice work, Jimmy.Copy !req
225. Thanks, Cliff.Copy !req
226. Welcome. How can I help you?Copy !req
227. I was hoping to get an estimate,
mi car.Copy !req
228. - You do cars?
- Sí, cars, todo el tiempo.Copy !req
229. I was hoping
to get my seats reupholstered.Copy !req
230. Um...Copy !req
231. Take a look?Copy !req
232. Yeah, I'm thinking something new.Copy !req
233. Give the old girl a little love.Copy !req
234. I'm happy for the work...Copy !req
235. but his money might be better spent
on a down payment for a new car.Copy !req
236. He said you should save your money
and get a new car.Copy !req
237. Yeah? Well, it has a sentimental value.Copy !req
238. - Classic car.
- Mm.Copy !req
239. What's he looking for?Copy !req
240. What material do you want?Copy !req
241. Well, I was thinking leather, definitely.Copy !req
242. Maybe alligator.Copy !req
243. Oh, señor, too much money.Copy !req
244. But like I said,
it has a sentimental value.Copy !req
245. I think an exotic leather would clash.Copy !req
246. Maybe something a little more
consistent with the style of the car.Copy !req
247. Convince him.Copy !req
248. He says alligator's
gonna look all wrong.Copy !req
249. Cheaper might be better.Copy !req
250. Well, show me what you'd pick.Copy !req
251. Uh...Copy !req
252. I'm sorry, señor.Copy !req
253. My son, he will help you.Copy !req
254. Okay?Copy !req
255. Help him pick.Copy !req
256. And don't try to upsell him, okay?Copy !req
257. Yeah, mucho gusto.Copy !req
258. How'd you find me?Copy !req
259. - Why are you here?
- Baseball cards.Copy !req
260. The way I figure,
you saw that midlife crisis of a vehicle...Copy !req
261. and wisely decided
to cut ties with the man.Copy !req
262. And I don't blame you, I did too.Copy !req
263. And then you ripped him off.Copy !req
264. I'm sure those baseball cards
looked like an easy way...Copy !req
265. to make a few extra bucks off that idiot,
teach him a lesson too.Copy !req
266. But you underestimated just
how big an idiot you were dealing with.Copy !req
267. - No, I'm pretty aware.
- Well, then, you underestimated...Copy !req
268. how attached the man was
to those cards.Copy !req
269. So attached, he called the police
and reported them stolen.Copy !req
270. Now they're nosing around.Copy !req
271. That sounds like a you problem.Copy !req
272. It's very much an us problem.Copy !req
273. Yeah, I guess I'll just have
to take my chances...Copy !req
274. but good luck to you.Copy !req
275. You know, I was hoping you'd see
our dilemma and do the right thing.Copy !req
276. But I think what we have here now
is a carrot-and-stick situation.Copy !req
277. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
278. This the stick? Hmm?Copy !req
279. You coming here
threatening my family?Copy !req
280. Huh?Copy !req
281. Because you're gonna need
a bigger stick, old man.Copy !req
282. I'm not here to threaten your family.Copy !req
283. And the name of the stick
is Tuco Salamanca.Copy !req
284. Now, you don't play ball, so to speak...Copy !req
285. and Tuco finds out
about your little side business.Copy !req
286. That a big enough stick?Copy !req
287. However, I'd prefer the carrot.Copy !req
288. I think you will too.Copy !req
289. And what would that be?Copy !req
290. You give me back the baseball cards,
10,000 in cash...Copy !req
291. and you net roughly...Copy !req
292. roughly 60,000.Copy !req
293. And how exactly does that work?Copy !req
294. Ernesto?Copy !req
295. Hey.Copy !req
296. Going somewhere?Copy !req
297. Yes, we are.Copy !req
298. She's a little tricky around the corners.Copy !req
299. So— And you gotta go
with the premium gas.Copy !req
300. I know it seems like a scam,
but it makes a huge difference.Copy !req
301. And I would get her washed
at least once a week...Copy !req
302. and spring for the hand wax.Copy !req
303. You're gonna want that
extra layer of protection for the clearcoat.Copy !req
304. She deserves the best.Copy !req
305. I'll make sure the boys at the chop shop
are real gentle with her.Copy !req
306. Wait, why?Copy !req
307. No.Copy !req
308. You think I'd be caught dead
driving that thing?Copy !req
309. It looks like a school bus
for 6-year-old pimps.Copy !req
310. All right, shall we move this along?Copy !req
311. Aaron.Copy !req
312. Okay, there's Jeter.Copy !req
313. All right, okay.Copy !req
314. Mantle. Mantle. There's Mantle.Copy !req
315. - We good?
- Yeah, that looks like everyone.Copy !req
316. Yeah, they're here.
Looks like everyone's here.Copy !req
317. And now the other item.Copy !req
318. Now our business is concluded.Copy !req
319. You know, I can't help thinking
an apology was in order.Copy !req
320. It's— It's the police again.Copy !req
321. Sandpiper hasn't responded
to our discovery requests.Copy !req
322. They buried us in paperwork...Copy !req
323. but nothing relevant
to the particulars in this case.Copy !req
324. No real surprise there.Copy !req
325. We may have to subpoena
their bank records. Thank you, Erin.Copy !req
326. Jimmy. How are we doing
with client outreach?Copy !req
327. While we're waiting
on those subpoenas...Copy !req
328. we should try wrangling some
of this stuff from the clients themselves.Copy !req
329. I mean, most of these folks
have hard copies of everything...Copy !req
330. going back to
the Eisenhower administration.Copy !req
331. Of course, given some of their
inconsistent organisational practices...Copy !req
332. it's gonna be slow going.Copy !req
333. I'm so sorry to interrupt.Copy !req
334. Oh, this one lady, um...Copy !req
335. She's sweet, but deaf as a doornail.Copy !req
336. She keeps all of her paperwork in—Copy !req
337. - She keeps it—
- I'm sorry, excuse me, Jimmy.Copy !req
338. I'm gonna need everybody's phone,
key fobs and electronics.Copy !req
339. Chuck. Welcome.Copy !req
340. Please, have a seat.Copy !req
341. Don't mind me.Copy !req
342. Hey, everybody.Copy !req
343. I'm sorry for the interruption.
Just pretend I'm not here.Copy !req
344. Happy to have you.Copy !req
345. Jimmy, where were we?Copy !req
346. Uh... Yeah.Copy !req
347. So I was saying...Copy !req
348. Um...Copy !req
349. Getting documents
from some of the clients...Copy !req
350. We definitely have some pack rats,
God bless them.Copy !req
351. I was visiting Mrs. Gusdorff
at the Sandpiper Santa Fe...Copy !req
352. and I spent the whole afternoon...Copy !req
353. sorting through
just a haystack of recipes...Copy !req
354. and half-off coupons for Big Lots.Copy !req
355. But now we've got copies
of this woman's monthly statements...Copy !req
356. going back to March, 1997, so...Copy !req
357. It might be a little labour-intensive...Copy !req
358. but our clients will always be
our best resource.Copy !req
359. Plus, they have ribbon candy.Copy !req
360. Jimmy.Copy !req
361. Hello?Copy !req
362. What are you doing here?Copy !req
363. My name is on the building.Copy !req
364. So great to have you here.
If you need anything, I'll be in my office.Copy !req
365. Why are you here?Copy !req
366. To bear witness.Copy !req
367. James McGill.Copy !req
368. It's Ehrmantraut.Copy !req
369. Are you still morally flexible?Copy !req
370. If so, I might have a job for you.Copy !req
371. Where and when?Copy !req
372. Take a seat.Copy !req
373. Mr. Wormald,
thank you for coming in and talking to us.Copy !req
374. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
375. We've been looking at the reports
the officers took at the scene...Copy !req
376. and we have a few
small follow-up questions.Copy !req
377. Sorry to waste your time.
Just standard stuff.Copy !req
378. There's really no need
for a lawyer here.Copy !req
379. I'm here in more of
an advisory capacity.Copy !req
380. Dan just wanted a friendly face
next to him.Copy !req
381. Well, we're all friendly here.Copy !req
382. Look at us. Four friends.Copy !req
383. We just wanna get the facts straight so
we can help you get your property for you.Copy !req
384. Yeah, you know, it's fine.
Yeah, there's no need to...Copy !req
385. No, it's just standard procedure.Copy !req
386. You know, officers don't always get
all the information we need in their report.Copy !req
387. We just wanna find the guys
who took your baseball cards.Copy !req
388. Yeah, that's, uh...Copy !req
389. You know, my uncle had
a Ty Cobb tobacco card.Copy !req
390. Kept that thing
behind 6 inches of glass.Copy !req
391. - Like it was the Mona Lisa or something.
- Wow, Ty Cobb?Copy !req
392. Tell him to keep the lights low.
Even artificial lighting...Copy !req
393. has a certain amount
of ultraviolet radiation...Copy !req
394. that can, you know,
over the long term—Copy !req
395. Yeah, can you just remind us...Copy !req
396. exactly where you kept your cards
in the house?Copy !req
397. Yeah, well, as I was trying to say,
it's no longer an issue.Copy !req
398. I found them.Copy !req
399. - So you found the cards?
- Yup.Copy !req
400. I just wanted to come down and tell you,
you know, in person.Copy !req
401. You found them?Copy !req
402. Where? Around the house?Copy !req
403. No. I hired a private investigator...Copy !req
404. and he tracked them down.
So, yeah.Copy !req
405. Really? So where were they?Copy !req
406. You know, it's fine. It is.Copy !req
407. I really—
I ought to get out of your hair.Copy !req
408. - You've wasted enough time on me.
- No, no. It's— It's okay. It's our job.Copy !req
409. We just wanna get the facts right
so we can help close this case for you.Copy !req
410. It's done.Copy !req
411. Case closed.Copy !req
412. I just— I know how much, you know,
you guys have on your hands.Copy !req
413. Like murderers, and robbers...Copy !req
414. - ... and gangs and stuff. I—
- Danny, why don't you get some air?Copy !req
415. You can have some coffee.
I'll finish up with the detectives here.Copy !req
416. Okay, let's get down
to brass tacks here, guys.Copy !req
417. I'm guessing your
two fine uniformed officers...Copy !req
418. found Mr. Wormald's little hidey-hole,
and that's why you two...Copy !req
419. are so interested
in "helping" my friend here.Copy !req
420. I get it.Copy !req
421. A hiding place in the baseboard,
it's gonna make anyone suspicious.Copy !req
422. But let me assure you,
there's nothing illegal going on here.Copy !req
423. Then why is he so nervous?Copy !req
424. Because I must say,
the flop sweat is kind of suspect.Copy !req
425. We all have our secrets, don't we?Copy !req
426. And who among us is without sin?Copy !req
427. But those sins
aren't all of the criminal variety...Copy !req
428. and neither are Mr. Wormald's, okay?Copy !req
429. They are, however, very private.Copy !req
430. - Private like drug dealer maybe?
- No, no.Copy !req
431. He's being evasive
because it's a sensitive subject.Copy !req
432. It's very delicate
and of no concern to law enforcement.Copy !req
433. You know, as much as we'd love
to take your word for it...Copy !req
434. we'll need a little more than that.Copy !req
435. All right, well, this all comes down
to a personal dispute.Copy !req
436. That's all. It's between
Mr. Wormald and...Copy !req
437. his art patron.Copy !req
438. Art patron?Copy !req
439. Yeah, my client has an arrangement
with a wealthy gentleman...Copy !req
440. for whom, ahem,
Mr. Wormald provides art...Copy !req
441. in exchange
for this gentleman's generous...Copy !req
442. We'll call it patronage.Copy !req
443. Art. Like what, paintings?Copy !req
444. It's more like digital media.Copy !req
445. Digital media?Copy !req
446. - He made videos for the man.
- What kind of videos?Copy !req
447. Private videos of an artistic nature.Copy !req
448. That's what was in the hiding place,
that's what it's for.Copy !req
449. So this art patron stole the videos
and the baseball cards?Copy !req
450. Well, there was a misunderstanding.
I mean, call it creative differences.Copy !req
451. Artists are volatile creatures.Copy !req
452. Guys, this all comes down
to just a lovers' spat. Okay?Copy !req
453. Two consenting adults had a falling out,
that happens...Copy !req
454. and the patron stole the videos.Copy !req
455. And the baseball cards,
to make a point, I guess.Copy !req
456. But the headline here is
it's all settled, hearts have mended...Copy !req
457. and Mr. Wormald
will not be pressing charges.Copy !req
458. What was on these videos?Copy !req
459. - They were private.
- You said that.Copy !req
460. They were videos intended...Copy !req
461. to titillate the senses.Copy !req
462. - Okay, so porn.
- Not— No. Not as such.Copy !req
463. Technically, they would be categorised
as fetish videos, but nothing illegal.Copy !req
464. Just a man,
a fully clothed man, I might add...Copy !req
465. just all by himself.Copy !req
466. Just— Just Mr. Wormald, fully clothed.Copy !req
467. - Yeah, so.
- Yeah.Copy !req
468. All right.
So fully clothed, Mr. Wormald...Copy !req
469. by himself.Copy !req
470. - Doing what?
- Yeah, come on, man, what?Copy !req
471. Squat cobbler.Copy !req
472. What's a squat cobbler?Copy !req
473. Squat cobbler.
You know what squat cobbler is.Copy !req
474. - No, I don't know what a squat cobbler is.
- No, me neither, what is it?Copy !req
475. What? You two guys are cops?Copy !req
476. Hoboken Squat Cobbler.Copy !req
477. Full Moon Moon Pie.Copy !req
478. Boston Cream Splat.Copy !req
479. Seriously?Copy !req
480. Simple Simon, the Ass Man.Copy !req
481. Dutch Apple Ass.Copy !req
482. Guys, am I not speaking English here?Copy !req
483. - What the hell is a squat cobbler?
- It's when a man sits in pie.Copy !req
484. He sits in a pie and he—Copy !req
485. He wiggles around.Copy !req
486. Maybe it's like Hellmann's mayonnaise.Copy !req
487. It has a different name
west of the Rockies, I don't know.Copy !req
488. But technically
he does a crybaby squat...Copy !req
489. so there's tears,
which makes it more specialised.Copy !req
490. Not all pie-sitters cry,
but I'm gonna tell you something.Copy !req
491. This guy, he's a regular Julianne Moore
once he gets the waterworks cranked up.Copy !req
492. Pies?Copy !req
493. - What, like apple?
- I'm not the filmmaker here, all right?Copy !req
494. Banana cream, I— Peach.Copy !req
495. Oh, and there is a costume involved.Copy !req
496. You got to be shitting us.Copy !req
497. Yeah, like I would make this up.Copy !req
498. Hey, the world is a rich tapestry,
my friends.Copy !req
499. But trust me on this...Copy !req
500. you don't wanna see it.Copy !req
501. So, uh, we're good, right?Copy !req
502. Yeah, great.Copy !req
503. There is, however,
one little, tiny hanging chad.Copy !req
504. - What chad?
- You're gonna have to make a video.Copy !req
505. Wait, wait.
So he eats the pies or just sits in them?Copy !req
506. - Both. Whatever you want.
- Which comes first?Copy !req
507. Oh. It's dealer's choice.Copy !req
508. - That's where the crying comes in, right?
- That's a safe bet.Copy !req
509. How the hell
did you come up with that?Copy !req
510. If you give me a million years,
I still would not have come up with that.Copy !req
511. The muse. She speaks through me.Copy !req
512. I am but a humble vessel.Copy !req
513. - And they bought it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
514. Wow, I've heard some far-out scenarios
used to sow doubt...Copy !req
515. - ... but this definitely takes the cake.
- Kim. Kim. Kim.Copy !req
516. - Takes the pie.
- Yeah.Copy !req
517. Sorry, I should just
jump off the roof right now.Copy !req
518. Yeah, you should feel bad about yourself.Copy !req
519. Jesus, can you tell a story.Copy !req
520. Well, to be fair...Copy !req
521. I think it was the video that clinched it.Copy !req
522. What video?Copy !req
523. Wait. Wait, you actually made a video?Copy !req
524. I gotta say, in the end,
old Dan really committed.Copy !req
525. I believed the tears.Copy !req
526. Oh. This is a leftover prop, it was extra.Copy !req
527. I wasn't sure how many takes
we would need so I overbought.Copy !req
528. But I promise you,
untouched by human buttocks.Copy !req
529. - You fabricated evidence?
- I made a video. Not exactly evidence.Copy !req
530. You used it to exonerate a client.Copy !req
531. You used falsified evidence
to exonerate a client.Copy !req
532. - I think you're splitting hairs.
- I'm not splitting hairs.Copy !req
533. What if Davis & Main
find out you faked evidence?Copy !req
534. It wasn't a Davis & Main client.Copy !req
535. It was some nothing
little pro bono thing.Copy !req
536. - It was off the clock, totally my own thing.
- Why?Copy !req
537. Why would you risk
the best job you've ever had...Copy !req
538. for some pro bono case?Copy !req
539. I was doing a favour for a friend.Copy !req
540. Risking disbarment? That's—
That's some friend.Copy !req
541. It's fine, it worked out.Copy !req
542. - Davis & Main are none the wiser.
- Jimmy, you're playing with fire here.Copy !req
543. I didn't see you complaining...Copy !req
544. when Ken the douchebag
paid our bar bill the other night.Copy !req
545. That was a little bit
of rule-breaking right there...Copy !req
546. and if I remember correctly,
you liked it, a lot.Copy !req
547. - That is so not the same thing.
- How? What's the difference?Copy !req
548. That had nothing to do with work,
and we were just screwing around.Copy !req
549. This, fabricating evidence—Copy !req
550. Jimmy, this could really hurt you
if they find out, if you get caught.Copy !req
551. - They're never gonna find out.
- Seriously?Copy !req
552. You sound like
every dumb criminal out there.Copy !req
553. If you keep this up, they will find out.Copy !req
554. For what, Jimmy?Copy !req
555. What is the point?Copy !req
556. I cannot hear about this sort of thing...Copy !req
557. ever again, okay?Copy !req
558. I mean it, Jimmy.Copy !req
559. You won't.Copy !req