1. Welcome back
to "graveyard shift."Copy !req
2. I'm your host... Starchy.Copy !req
3. You know what today is,
everybody?Copy !req
4. It's our
fifth-anniversary show.Copy !req
5. So many things have happened
in that time.Copy !req
6. I switched
from drinking rainwaterCopy !req
7. to eating distilled ice chips.Copy !req
8. I took up rock climbing.Copy !req
9. My wife left me.Copy !req
10. And all-new conspiracies.Copy !req
11. I firmly believeCopy !req
12. that all chocolate has been
secretly replaced by mud.Copy !req
13. And why is the burrito man
giving away free burritos?Copy !req
14. He's an amateur mad scientistCopy !req
15. trying to genetically change us
into tortillas.Copy !req
16. - Mm.
- Dude, come on.Copy !req
17. When was the last time
you sharpened your pencils? Hm?Copy !req
18. Never. They're pens
painted to look like pencils.Copy !req
19. Conspiracy!Copy !req
20. Okay, the board is lighting up.Copy !req
21. We're going to a caller.Copy !req
22. You are on the air, caller.Copy !req
23. I'm a banana guard.Copy !req
24. Oh. That's a good job
to have.Copy !req
25. Yeah,
it's pretty good.Copy !req
26. Why do they have it tuned
to this every time we're here?Copy !req
27. I call baloney!Copy !req
28. Shh! I'm trying to listen
to the frightened caller.Copy !req
29. So, I think I might have seen
something not from this world.Copy !req
30. Go ahead, caller.Copy !req
31. It happened
last Sunday.Copy !req
32. I was doing my laundry
at the mat,Copy !req
33. when I saw a reflection
of a girl with eerie blank eyes!Copy !req
34. I turned around,
but nobody was there.Copy !req
35. It was scary.Copy !req
36. Yeah, weird girls
with soulless blank eyes...Copy !req
37. They've been spotted
around multiple kingdomsCopy !req
38. across the centuries.Copy !req
39. Nobody knows what they are.Copy !req
40. But I have a few theories.Copy !req
41. They're ghosts, and the last
thing they looked at in lifeCopy !req
42. was so horrific,
it made their eyes turn blank.Copy !req
43. Pbbbbbht! Baloney!Copy !req
44. The pizza.Copy !req
45. Pbbbbbbbbbbbbht!Copy !req
46. Take the rest to go.Copy !req
47. My second theory...Copy !req
48. Okay, all boxed up
and ready to go.Copy !req
49. 200 bucks.Copy !req
50. By other blank-eyed girls
touching their eyeballs.Copy !req
51. Blblblblbl! Spooky!Copy !req
52. Ooh, look at me!Copy !req
53. I'm listening to
a dumb nonsense radio show!Copy !req
54. How can you be
so dismissiveCopy !req
55. after some of the stuff
we've seen?Copy !req
56. You got to draw the line
somewhere.Copy !req
57. Starchy's my line.Copy !req
58. They're walking fishCopy !req
59. that just happen to look like
little girls.Copy !req
60. Baloney!Copy !req
61. Don't touch my radio!Copy !req
62. It's dark.Copy !req
63. You're sure that blank-eyed
girls are made up, right?Copy !req
64. Yeah, man,
it's all baloney.Copy !req
65. Jake?Copy !req
66. Jake?Copy !req
67. Uh...Copy !req
68. Blank-eyed girl?Copy !req
69. - Boo!
- Aaaaaah!Copy !req
70. Boo!Copy !req
71. - Is this creeping you out?
- Is this creeping you out?Copy !req
72. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
73. - Can I hold your hand?
- Can I hold your hand?Copy !req
74. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
75. Aaah!Copy !req
76. That was stupid.Copy !req
77. Yeah... stupid.Copy !req
78. Are you messing with me?Copy !req
79. Unh-unh.
You're messing with me.Copy !req
80. Must be someone else.Copy !req
81. Yeah,
like... Ice King, maybe.Copy !req
82. Aaah! Aaah!Copy !req
83. Who was that?Copy !req
84. Maybe it was nobody.Copy !req
85. Courage, courage.Copy !req
86. What's wrong with me?Copy !req
87. That could be a normal
little girl who needs help.Copy !req
88. No!Copy !req
89. Aaah! Aaah!Copy !req
90. There!
Blank-eyed girl!Copy !req
91. She's too creepy,
man!Copy !req
92. I know! I know!Copy !req
93. But I got an idea.Copy !req
94. Welcome, next caller.Copy !req
95. Hello, Starchy? Am I on?Copy !req
96. Yeah, you're on.Copy !req
97. Longtime listener,
first-time caller.Copy !req
98. We got the wonderful
Finn the human on the phone.Copy !req
99. Go ahead, Finn.Copy !req
100. Starchy, I'm in a blank-eyed
girl situation right now.Copy !req
101. What should I do?Copy !req
102. I'm going upstairs
to get a better look.Copy !req
103. All right, stay calm.
You called the right guy.Copy !req
104. The question is,
why did she choose you?Copy !req
105. Are these visits
random events?Copy !req
106. Jake.
Aaah!Copy !req
107. Finn, have you invited
the blank-eyed girl inside?Copy !req
108. No. Why?Copy !req
109. Because I believe the girls
have to follow vampire rules.Copy !req
110. As long as you don't invite her
in, you should be fine.Copy !req
111. Okay.
Let me write this down.Copy !req
112. Oop.Copy !req
113. Starchy?
She invited herself in.Copy !req
114. Uh... Run.Copy !req
115. Starchy, she's staring
right at us!Copy !req
116. Oh! I got it...
Fairy rules.Copy !req
117. Try offering her
some cream in saucer.Copy !req
118. That should appease
the blank-eyed girl's hungerCopy !req
119. and send her away.Copy !req
120. Gotcha.Copy !req
121. - Jake, go get the cream.
- What?Copy !req
122. No! You go!
This is your deal!Copy !req
123. Just go!Copy !req
124. Okay! Geez!Copy !req
125. Thank you.Copy !req
126. Okay... cream.Copy !req
127. Euggggghh.Copy !req
128. Aaah!Copy !req
129. - Ewww!
- Starchy?Copy !req
130. Mm. Didn't work, huh?Copy !req
131. Must be a haint, then.Copy !req
132. Try playing the clarinet.
Haints hate the clarinet.Copy !req
133. I think it's working!
Keep playing!Copy !req
134. Uh...Copy !req
135. Jake, stop!Copy !req
136. Starchy, I think
they like the clarinet music!Copy !req
137. Also,
there's six of them now!Copy !req
138. Jeepers! Really?Copy !req
139. Uh... O-okay.Copy !req
140. Now I definitely know
what you're dealing with...Copy !req
141. An undead.Copy !req
142. The undead fear the gaze
of the common yard chicken.Copy !req
143. Our chicken ran away,
though.Copy !req
144. Are you sure
we need the feathers?Copy !req
145. My chicken's
pretty spot-on.Copy !req
146. We don't want to take
any chances, you know?Copy !req
147. Hm.Copy !req
148. Hey!Copy !req
149. All this advice
is just made-up baloney!Copy !req
150. Starchy, all your advice
is made-up baloney!Copy !req
151. Aww.Copy !req
152. Well, what are we supposed to
do? Just live with this?Copy !req
153. No more
relying on hearsay.Copy !req
154. We're gonna
take it to the source.Copy !req
155. Secondary source.Copy !req
156. Girl stuff, boy stuff,
ear stuff, butt stuff.Copy !req
157. Hey! Creepy stuff!Copy !req
158. Got it.Copy !req
159. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
160. Shh.Copy !req
161. Library's closed.Copy !req
162. Turtle princess!Copy !req
163. Did you dye your hair?Copy !req
164. Oh, yeah, I did.Copy !req
165. Do you like it?Copy !req
166. Yeah... hotness.Copy !req
167. Say, do you know anything
about creepy blank-eyed girls?Copy !req
168. No, but I can find out.Copy !req
169. "Creepy blank-eyed girls."Copy !req
170. Oh!Copy !req
171. Says here
they're an urban legendCopy !req
172. that first appeared
five years ago.Copy !req
173. - They're supposedly...
- Wait... five years ago?Copy !req
174. That's... that's just like
Starchy's radio show.Copy !req
175. Maybe they're tulpas!Copy !req
176. What the blob
is a tulpa?Copy !req
177. Physical manifestations of
concentrated collective thought.Copy !req
178. They're entities
who depend on the energyCopy !req
179. of people believing in them
in order to exist...Copy !req
180. People like
Starchy's listeners.Copy !req
181. Okay.Copy !req
182. And where did you learn
all this blobbity-Bob?Copy !req
183. Starchy's radio show.Copy !req
184. I think I know
what we need to do.Copy !req
185. Thanks turtle p.Copy !req
186. Any time, finny.Copy !req
187. Why don't we call, like,
child services?Copy !req
188. Or an exterminator?Copy !req
189. This is gonna work.
Just trust me, a'ight?Copy !req
190. Ugh.Copy !req
191. Do as I do.Copy !req
192. Boy, I just love
walking throughCopy !req
193. our delightfully not-creepy
doorway.Copy !req
194. - Don't you, Jake?
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.Copy !req
195. Aaaaaaaah!Copy !req
196. Walking through
the not-creepy airCopy !req
197. to my not-creepy couch,
sitting on my not-creepy butt.Copy !req
198. Your butt is kinda creepy.Copy !req
199. I say "creepy"
is just another label we useCopy !req
200. to distance ourselves from stuff
we don't understand...Copy !req
201. Or that reminds
us of something in ourselvesCopy !req
202. That we're
not comfortable with.Copy !req
203. Hm.Copy !req
204. I mean, it just ain't
an actual thing, you know?Copy !req
205. Unless you choose
to believe it.Copy !req
206. Right, Jake?Copy !req
207. It's baloney! It's baloney!
It's Starchy's baloney!Copy !req
208. I just got to think
of something wholesome.Copy !req
209. Aaah!Copy !req
210. Aaaah!Copy !req
211. NOoooo!Copy !req
212. Pizza's creepy now!Copy !req
213. You win, all right?Copy !req
214. You're mad-creepy!Copy !req
215. Do what you will,
you globless blank-eyed girls!Copy !req
216. Uh...Copy !req
217. What?Copy !req
218. What the butt fuzz?Copy !req
219. Contact lenses?Copy !req
220. Ha! Baloney.Copy !req
221. Nothing but some kids
playing a dumb prank!Copy !req
222. Man. This whole time,
they were just regular girls.Copy !req
223. Where are your parents,
huh?Copy !req
224. You guys are going to jail!
You hear?Copy !req
225. So, y'all are bald.Copy !req
226. Good job.Copy !req
227. I'm still calling the cops.Copy !req
228. What the junk
was that?Copy !req
229. I think it was...Copy !req
230. Beautiful.Copy !req
231. This party is so crazy!Copy !req